@Mels
8 Years
Some assistance please. Never lasting relationships and douchebag guys
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Posted by HoneyXx
do less. they'll love you more....thank me later.
It’s hard. I know it sounds nuts. But it’s my nature to give. I can’t help it.
I’ll try tho. I’ve been taken advantage of many times.
But I will try.
Thank you
What was your ex husbands sign?
Posted by SpaceBird
Law of attraction.If you want a boyfriend that is magnificient ...be like a girl who already has a magnificient boyfriend.
Dress that way every day...as if you were going to meet him ...men will notice and pick up on it.
Do little nurturing things ...for people around you ..be doting ...men around will notice.
I always noticed i attracted more men ..when i had a bf...
Well you kind make sure you are nice for him etc don't you?
What are you smoking?
When have you ever attracted anyone?
All you do here is complaining how CANT you get a man!
Posted by SpaceBird
Be a girl /woman who has the type of relationship you want.
Do you have a success story to share?
Please do. We all be thrilled!
Is Harrukah related to you?
You 2 seem like a sisters.
Both frigging delusional and probably smoking same shit...
Posted by miriyahhh
What was your ex husbands sign?
Another Virgo. Sigh.
Posted by SpaceBird
there is a really freaky add on this for an irish hotel ...its freaking me out
It’s cookies. Lmao...
Posted by miriyahhh
What was your ex husbands sign?Another Virgo. Sigh.
click to expand
Do your kids every get in the way? Where are you meeting these guys?
Posted by SpaceBird
Law of attraction.If you want a boyfriend that is magnificient ...be like a girl who already has a magnificient boyfriend.
Dress that way every day...as if you were going to meet him ...men will notice and pick up on it.
Do little nurturing things ...for people around you ..be doting ...men around will notice.
I always noticed i attracted more men ..when i had a bf...
Well you kind make sure you are nice for him etc don't you?
What are you smoking?
When have you ever attracted anyone?
All you do here is complaining how CANT you get a man!
I don't want a man ....i want to be single. How can i stop attracting YOU? I hate old women..you are useless at everything.
click to expand
Your drugs working different way every day!
Is it a name of drugs or amount of the same shit? Wondering...
Posted by SpaceBird
Pay attention to what the other is feeling...not what you think should be going on...Also ..trust and knowing the other person ..is fluid...so people are assholes in some situations ...if this situation is something YOU IN PARTICULAR need them to be an angel in ...walk away..
This might not make sense to you....
But it's particular to you ..no one else knows what you need...but you.
That’s why I am still single. Someday someone will reciprocate.
Posted by SpaceBird
Be a girl /woman who has the type of relationship you want.Do you have a success story to share?
Please do. We all be thrilled!
Is Harrukah related to you?
You 2 seem like a sisters.
Both frigging delusional and probably smoking same shit...
Ok then don't dress well ...go around like you don't give a shit about men ...look like a homeless person ...see if it works 🙂
click to expand
Actually sometimes it does..,
Lmao
But you wouldn’t understand...😂😂😂
Posted by miriyahhh
What was your ex husbands sign?Another Virgo. Sigh.
Do your kids every get in the way? Where are you meeting these guys?
click to expand
Tried online dating. Sucks. Work? Sucks.
Yes it’s hard to get out when there are kids around but it is what it is.
Posted by Mels
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf.
Doesn't sound like a gift. Sounds like he used you.
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
You sound like me, except for the men sticking to it part...I mainly had long term relationships.
I overdid my giving/transforming/ideas thing during my latest (and shortest relationship), which only lasted two years. During that time, the guy was remodelling and decorating his newly bought house, his yard and even his allotment. I got so much into these, that one would have thought I wanted to take over!
So...here is what I've learned:
1) Giving is quite a selfish act for a giver. Tune it down.
2) Not all have the same taste as I do.
3) If we do not live together, it's not my fucking business .
4) People fall in love by doing things for the significant other, not by having things done for them.
5) Accepting gifts gracefully is a must!
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
Posted by miriyahhh
What was your ex husbands sign?Another Virgo. Sigh.
Do your kids every get in the way? Where are you meeting these guys?
Tried online dating. Sucks. Work? Sucks.
Yes it’s hard to get out when there are kids around but it is what it is.
click to expand
Online dating is not really good for long term dating. Even I with no kids have never found long term relationship material online. If you work that's a good place to meet decent men. Maybe you don't pick them well? Be much more picky and try to find a fire sign man or Capricorn
Posted by HoneyXx
do less. they'll love you more....thank me later.
It’s hard. I know it sounds nuts. But it’s my nature to give. I can’t help it.
I’ll try tho. I’ve been taken advantage of many times.
But I will try.
Thank you
it's ok to give... the problem is that you're giving your all to people who are not worthy, nor interested. know who is worth the effort and who is not and proceed accordingly.
it's ok tho, you'll figure it out with time.
click to expand
There is no formula of love!
It’s fate!
Some will take and be loved. Some will give and be dumped.
Wondering why? Keep wondering...
There is no answer to this question.
If there was an answer - everyone would be happy. Not in this hell! Unless you kissed by a God right in your...wherever he kisses...
Give up and pray! 🙏🏻
Just don’t give up on praying...it might take forever. Or you’ll be rewarded tomorrow. Who knows?
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
It’s like adopting a child and get pregnant!
Or commuting suiside and meeting your half who is paramedic saving your life!
Hitting the bottom and...coming up on top!
Stop fighting. Pray! 🙏🏻
Posted by HoneyXx
do less. they'll love you more....thank me later.
It’s hard. I know it sounds nuts. But it’s my nature to give. I can’t help it.
I’ll try tho. I’ve been taken advantage of many times.
But I will try.
Thank you
it's ok to give... the problem is that you're giving your all to people who are not worthy, nor interested. know who is worth the effort and who is not and proceed accordingly.
it's ok tho, you'll figure it out with time.
There is no formula of love!
It’s fate!
Some will take and be loved. Some will give and be dumped.
Wondering why? Keep wondering...
There is no answer to this question.
If there was an answer - everyone would be happy. Not in this hell! Unless you kissed by a God right in your...wherever he kisses...
Give up and pray! 🙏🏻
Just don’t give up on praying...it might take forever. Or you’ll be rewarded tomorrow. Who knows?
click to expand
True. I won’t give up. My time will come. Yes everyone I think it’s me that needs work. I’ve tried meditating and being alone to work out my own issues.
Posted by SpaceBird
law of attraction does work though
How do YOU know—
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
click to expand
You’re so right haha. That is true
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
click to expand
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
Posted by HoneyXx
do less. they'll love you more....thank me later.
It’s hard. I know it sounds nuts. But it’s my nature to give. I can’t help it.
I’ll try tho. I’ve been taken advantage of many times.
But I will try.
Thank you
it's ok to give... the problem is that you're giving your all to people who are not worthy, nor interested. know who is worth the effort and who is not and proceed accordingly.
it's ok tho, you'll figure it out with time.
There is no formula of love!
It’s fate!
Some will take and be loved. Some will give and be dumped.
Wondering why? Keep wondering...
There is no answer to this question.
If there was an answer - everyone would be happy. Not in this hell! Unless you kissed by a God right in your...wherever he kisses...
Give up and pray! 🙏🏻
Just don’t give up on praying...it might take forever. Or you’ll be rewarded tomorrow. Who knows?
True. I won’t give up. My time will come. Yes everyone I think it’s me that needs work. I’ve tried meditating and being alone to work out my own issues.
click to expand
Good girl! Think of you. I am trying. Doesn’t do a shit! But if it’s my fate - I can do nothing about it. However - Hope dies last! ❤️
I find it hilarious that the majority of people who have posted have nothing but relationship fails to show for it. Experts you can trust, eh?
The truth is, you'll make some bad choices in life, that's unavoidable. Took me 3 times to strike gold. One was a sex addict, the other was an immature ungrateful moron who didn't appreciate all I did for him - who then got burned real bad and has been alone for years.
The third one was the most difficult of all to snare, but I found out early that he's the good, appreciative type who doesn't take people for granted. He was the biggest surprise of them all.
Depending on the person, one might feel overwhelmed either because they feel like you're taking over their life by doing too much, or because you're so good that it makes them feel incompetent or inferior. What you need to do is rein in the "doing" thing. It's like you're trying too hard to keep them in your life by "bribing" them with all that kindness. Intentional or otherwise, you need to slow it down.
I know it's far easier said than done when you're a giving person by nature, but you also need to realize that opportunists hone in on naturally giving people like sharks to blood in the water, and that you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others.
Posted by SpaceBird
law of attraction does work thoughHow do YOU know—
Its worked for me! Well more the mechanism. If you want to be an artist..you HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST. And put it out there.
click to expand
I can smell the shit you are smoking!!!
Artist my ass...
Posted by SpaceBird
law of attraction does work thoughHow do YOU know—
Its worked for me! Well more the mechanism. If you want to be an artist..you HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST. And put it out there.
click to expand
You're still single and fruitloopy so obviously it hasn't worked. You can shut the hell up now and stop spamming because you're not helping in the slightest. Take your psychobabble elsewhere.
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.
click to expand
Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?
Posted by SpaceBird
law of attraction does work thoughHow do YOU know—
Its worked for me! Well more the mechanism. If you want to be an artist..you HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST. And put it out there.
I can smell the shit you are smoking!!!
Artist my ass...
You don't like art?
click to expand
No. I like sex!
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.
Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?
are you an aries?
click to expand
Yes! Am an Aries who was born as a Gemini. Confusing shit out of me!!!
Specially when I am talking to you...
@hydorah 😂😂😂
Posted by SpaceBird
law of attraction does work thoughHow do YOU know—
Its worked for me! Well more the mechanism. If you want to be an artist..you HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST. And put it out there.
I can smell the shit you are smoking!!!
Artist my ass...
You don't like art?
No. I like sex!
Ah....that explains a lot...if you don't like art ...bye
click to expand
LMAO...😂😂😂
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
click to expand
It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
I find it hilarious that the majority of people who have posted have nothing but relationship fails to show for it. Experts you can trust, eh?The truth is, you'll make some bad choices in life, that's unavoidable. Took me 3 times to strike gold. One was a sex addict, the other was an immature ungrateful moron who didn't appreciate all I did for him - who then got burned real bad and has been alone for years.
The third one was the most difficult of all to snare, but I found out early that he's the good, appreciative type who doesn't take people for granted. He was the biggest surprise of them all.
Depending on the person, one might feel overwhelmed either because they feel like you're taking over their life by doing too much, or because you're so good that it makes them feel incompetent or inferior. What you need to do is rein in the "doing" thing. It's like you're trying too hard to keep them in your life by "bribing" them with all that kindness. Intentional or otherwise, you need to slow it down.
I know it's far easier said than done when you're a giving person by nature, but you also need to realize that opportunists hone in on naturally giving people like sharks to blood in the water, and that you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others.
He is right!
Also, let me say it again: you are a freakin' giver! Imagine someone doing similar things to you 🙂
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
click to expand
lol
i agree...this comes up when they're past even 30..... and not in any relationship for ages..
women dont want them....or else why are they single?
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.
Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?
Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.
click to expand
So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?
Why? Very curious. ❤️
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
I find it hilarious that the majority of people who have posted have nothing but relationship fails to show for it. Experts you can trust, eh?The truth is, you'll make some bad choices in life, that's unavoidable. Took me 3 times to strike gold. One was a sex addict, the other was an immature ungrateful moron who didn't appreciate all I did for him - who then got burned real bad and has been alone for years.
The third one was the most difficult of all to snare, but I found out early that he's the good, appreciative type who doesn't take people for granted. He was the biggest surprise of them all.
Depending on the person, one might feel overwhelmed either because they feel like you're taking over their life by doing too much, or because you're so good that it makes them feel incompetent or inferior. What you need to do is rein in the "doing" thing. It's like you're trying too hard to keep them in your life by "bribing" them with all that kindness. Intentional or otherwise, you need to slow it down.
I know it's far easier said than done when you're a giving person by nature, but you also need to realize that opportunists hone in on naturally giving people like sharks to blood in the water, and that you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others.
He is right!
Also, let me say it again: you are a freakin' giver! Imagine someone doing similar things to you 🙂
click to expand
That’ll be nice for a change. But yes I think the problem lies within me. Overwhelming. I don’t see it at the time but I understand.
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.
click to expand
First 6 months of dating are for getting to know each other. Many discover things they don't like, or feel that something important to them was lacking. If you really want a relationship, date till you find a better match...and a better dating site, maybe.
my advice would be not to change your wonderful self but simply try to have more patience. i am a giver too but giving yourself to those undeserving is unfruitful and draining. maybe move a bit slower on doing for them. i wouldnt say stop, just wait. see if it is reciprocal. you will find someone that loves this about you one day. its a beautiful trait to have. now work on your boundaries as well!
Posted by SpaceBird
You could try younger men. I do think you need to think longterm. If you want longterm...a guy ready to deal with your children.
Yes long term for sure. Dated a man (younger) for 3 years. Didn’t let him meet my kids until 2 years in. So I’m careful. He ended up to be mentally abusive to me. He doesn’t let me meet my friends and such. I became a mother to 3 instead of 2. So I had to leave that relationship.
Posted by AbbyNormal
my advice would be not to change your wonderful self but simply try to have more patience. i am a giver too but giving yourself to those undeserving is unfruitful and draining. maybe move a bit slower on doing for them. i wouldnt say stop, just wait. see if it is reciprocal. you will find someone that loves this about you one day. its a beautiful trait to have. now work on your boundaries as well!
Thank you so much. I take all the past relationship as a learning experience. Yes I don’t think I can change my personality. I’m 39. Not possible anymore haha. But I am willing to learn from mistakes.
Thank you for your kind words
Just got full black-widow on these guys. Slip em' a little chloroform and then chain em' up in your basement.
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.
Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?
Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.
So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?
Why? Very curious. ❤️
I kept him not drinking for 10 years. But I had to take care of everyone him & the kids, and put aside me. Basically I chose he was more important than me. 3 years before I left I had a breakdown, or something and that’s when I started doing the personal growth. To save myself. I worked on me thinking it was me because that’s what he told me. I thought I was saving the marriage.. but he refused to go to AA, to counseling, and tried to stop me and became very controlling. He was what you call a dry drunk. 2 years after I left, he started drinking again.. give until you destroy yourself basically.
So I obviously had to learn another way....
click to expand
Are you considering it waste of time or you would do it again?
Posted by Halycon
Just got full black-widow on these guys. Slip em' a little chloroform and then chain em' up in your basement.
And smell them rot? Naaaah...
Posted by Halycon
Just got full black-widow on these guys. Slip em' a little chloroform and then chain em' up in your basement.
Hahaha. Nice!!
Nah. They’ll stink up my joint.
😉
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.
Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****
I star'd the relevant part ^^^.
Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.
Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.
I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.
Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.
Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.
Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?
Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.
So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?
Why? Very curious. ❤️
I kept him not drinking for 10 years. But I had to take care of everyone him & the kids, and put aside me. Basically I chose he was more important than me. 3 years before I left I had a breakdown, or something and that’s when I started doing the personal growth. To save myself. I worked on me thinking it was me because that’s what he told me. I thought I was saving the marriage.. but he refused to go to AA, to counseling, and tried to stop me and became very controlling. He was what you call a dry drunk. 2 years after I left, he started drinking again.. give until you destroy yourself basically.
So I obviously had to learn another way....
Are you considering it waste of time or you would do it again?
The marriage? There was a lot of good & two super sweet kids. So it was worth it. But I should not have taken his problems on as my own. That was a mistake. Live and learn. It’s in the past and I can’t take it back.
click to expand
How are kids and him? Have they ever asked? Had they saw and felt?
Because while we live and learn - there are others who SEE and FEEL and we think they aren’t.
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.
click to expand
Yeah dating is hard. Its always rainbows and roses at the beginning.
Are you up front from the first date that you are looking for a relationship?
Posted by RooSagicorn
You know there are patterns, and unfortunately some guys take advantage of the givers. Which means you have to toughen up a little and not allow them to walk on you. Everything i did helped me become stronger. That’s why I mentioned it. After the divorce it took me awhile to figure it all out. Really the key was not putting up with people who take advantage. The more you learn to do that & to recognize who people really are, better options show up. I am now in a much healthier relationship. He would never take advantage. But it wasn’t luck, it was part of the process. I found him online dating actually, so you never know.Anyway remember to put yourself first & then give to the person who deserves it. Take care of you.
I know I won’t be alone for the rest of my life. I still believe in love and seeing the good in people. Now I’ve given up on searching. I’ll leave it up to fate.
Perhaps I may have to go through a few more challenges or karmic cycles to get to where I am but again part of the learning process.
I’m happy to hear you found someone that compliments you.
Good luck to all. 😉
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.
Yeah dating is hard. Its always rainbows and roses at the beginning.
Are you up front from the first date that you are looking for a relationship?
I am not saying everyone is like this ..but i would have NO CLUE if i wanted a relationship on a first date. I would wager a lot of guys would be the same.
click to expand
Theres a difference between wanting a relationship and wanting a relationship with the specific person. She wants a relationship. But because she isn't making that clear she wasted the last year dating men who aren't looking for commitment but convenience.
Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.
My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.
They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.
What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.
Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.
A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.
Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.
She wants a relationship.
Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.
It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.
Yeah dating is hard. Its always rainbows and roses at the beginning.
Are you up front from the first date that you are looking for a relationship?
click to expand
Oh yah. I’m an open book. I am pretty clear on the first couple of dates about what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time and my own of course.
Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance
Based on what is bolded, you are getting too invested way too early, IMHO.
I think most guys, irrespective of sign, would either get scared off or would have no respect for you (doing that much so early without knowing how invested the man is).
The first question that comes to mind, no disrespect intended, is if you have a self esteem issue.
Nothing wrong with doing things for people, but I sense you're expecting something in return (even if you didn't say as such).
Did this help you understand what to do next?
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Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.
Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).
As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.
Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.
But men never seem to stick.
Example.
Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.
One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.
These are just examples of past relationships.
I can never change my personality as a giver.
I do think highly of myself and worth.
What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?
I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.
Any advises? Thanks in advance