Where do me and my Pisces man stand?

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Taurus619
@Taurus619
6 Years

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I’ve been dating a Pisces man for about 5 months now. We have spoken every single day since we have met, he is kind, we go on dates, we are pretty close. He’s military, so he gets out in a year, has a few injuries he’s healing from that have affected our relationship before. Because he feels insecure and likes to be alone. Now recently out of nowhere he told me that I am a gift sent to him from God, that I’m gorgeous, that I don’t ever have to worry about him cheating on me, and he’s been taking care of me. I see him twice a week though. I told him that I want to be able to see him more times a week. He told me that he likes to be alone during the week as he wants me to be there every weekend. That’s Saturday 5pm to Monday 5am when we go to work. He previously told me not to get attached but after a week he was calling me his girl and said all the things I listed prior. He texts me every 5 mins every day. I don’t know how to feel about only being able to really see him twice a week. I feel like it’s unfair to me, and when I bring it up, it’s always “I like my alone time, but when your not here, I literally play my games and sleep”. Is he just not putting the effort into me? Does he not want to get attached to me? What do these mixed signals mean? I’m so confused. My sister says that I should be able to be around him during the week, bc that’s how relationships work and she says him saying that is basically that he treats me like I’m a friend w benefits. He took my virginity last month, but we haven’t had sex since. Again, we’ve been together for 5 months. We go on dates, he plans for the future, he treats me like a princess, He said we’re not bf/gf once but has called me his girl the next day ever since. What does all of this mean?
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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@erinelda I know that part. But I have people in my ear telling me that something is just wrong with our relationship. I want to be his gf. I’m in love with him. But I want to know he is in love with me too or can see himself falling in love with me. He hasn’t decided if he’s going to go home to NY when he gets out which is why I think he won’t put a title on us. What do you mean by just looking at who he is?
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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@sealion

Yes. He has constant nightmares, I can feel him shaking in his sleep when he’s next to me. But they don’t affect him daily.. or so he lets on. He has said to a friend that that is a reason why some military men push people away. I’m 22 and he’s 27. Yes he works during the week, navy, but on light duty so he does paperwork for now. He’s off thurs, sat, sun. And he has a roommate, but he legit leaves us alone. I haven’t actually seen his roommate in a while. We just hear him playing games in his room.
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Taurus619
@Taurus619
6 Years

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@sealion

Yes. He has constant nightmares, I can feel him shaking in his sleep when he’s next to me. But they don’t affect him daily.. or so he lets on. He has said to a friend that that is a reason why some military men push people away. I’m 22 and he’s 27. Yes he works during the week, navy, but on light duty so he does paperwork for now. He’s off thurs, sat, sun. And he has a roommate, but he legit leaves us alone. I haven’t actually seen his roommate in a while. We just hear him playing games in his room.
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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@ladyneptune no we’ve discussed his need to be alone to recharge. We’re on the same page there. I told him I understand that and I can live with it. As for communicating and “my girl” that’s all combined with him out of nowhere saying “I really like you” “I wish I would’ve met you earlier in my life” “I wish I would’ve met you when I wasn’t injured” “I love being around you” he’s always hyping me up with my confidence too. I say he’s insecure bc he’s used to being fit. Bc of husband injuries he’s gained a lot of weight. He will ask me “why do you even like me?” “Why are you attracted to me” he will not take his shirt off around me. We don’t have sex bc he doesn’t want to get undressed in front of me. I ask him questions and he just says “I like to be alone/I don’t know what I want to do or want to go when I get out”
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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Posted by Erinelda
Posted by Taurus619

@erinelda I know that part. But I have people in my ear telling me that something is just wrong with our relationship. I want to be his gf. I’m in love with him. But I want to know he is in love with me too or can see himself falling in love with me. He hasn’t decided if he’s going to go home to NY when he gets out which is why I think he won’t put a title on us. What do you mean by just looking at who he is?

That he is not trying to trick you, he is probably just being who he is.

I don't want to diagnose him at all, I am talking about me personally but I have PTSD and I need my space. I just want to play my games and go to sleep most of the time like he does. It takes a lot of energy for me to be around people and I like to just relax and not worry about someone else 24/7. The way he is would be welcome in my life. Consistent but not consistently up my butt.

Though I wouldn't have fell for or got invested in someone who doesn't know if he is moving away. I need to protect myself from huge risks like that. Because if I fell in love and he moved back to where he is from, I got nobody to blame but myself. I try not to be in the business of breaking my own heart.
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Yes. So when we first met, he told me that he’s willing to see how we build and if all works out then he would stay in ca with me or we can go somewhere. Everything was good bc the first 3 months I was seeing him almost everyday. After his first surgery, he kind of dialed back, but it switched to weekends only bc he needed to recharge during the week. After the second surgery it was, don’t get attached... no your my girl.. I want you around me... I love being around you... but I also need time to recharge. We’re slowly going back to how we were before his surgeries. But the not having sex is a little odd to me. From time to time, we’ll do other sexual acts, we cuddle all the time. But I just wish he would give me real answers to how he really thinks and feels and not just revert to I like to recharge, it’s not you, I’m just uncomfortable
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SeaLion
@SeaLion
7 Years1,000+ Posts

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Posted by Taurus619

@sealion

Yes. He has constant nightmares, I can feel him shaking in his sleep when he’s next to me. But they don’t affect him daily.. or so he lets on. He has said to a friend that that is a reason why some military men push people away. I’m 22 and he’s 27. Yes he works during the week, navy, but on light duty so he does paperwork for now. He’s off thurs, sat, sun. And he has a roommate, but he legit leaves us alone. I haven’t actually seen his roommate in a while. We just hear him playing games in his room.


PTSD is no joke. My Pisces suffers from it too. So does my sister, and my other sisters ex fiance had it as well.

You have to be patient with it. He is not going to come out and tell you about it. What you need to decide is if you are able to deal with it. They all deal with things differently. Perhaps his is needing that space. Maybe it will change, maybe it wont. You need to make the decision if you want to live like that. You've had sex once. That isnt normal. Especially for a new relationship. I dont think it's a fwb but I dont think he is commited.
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Taurus619
@Taurus619
6 Years

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Posted by Erinelda

@Taurus619 No matter what people try to tell you, at 6-8 weeks it is perfectly acceptable to ask someone where it is going. I think you need another talk with him. He would know by now what he wants of you.


He is just as you described yourself to be. I feel as he is just pushing me away so that he doesn’t get attached to me. I have no problem with who he is or what he is going through. I do not expect him to change who he is. I don’t want him to. I am willing to adjust. But my thing is, then shouldn’t he be able to at least compromise too? Do I wait til he is completely healed? Or do I up and go now? The issue isn’t the depression, the time together, etc. it’s just being able to compromise to what I am saying instead of shutting down
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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Posted by SeaLion
Posted by Taurus619

@sealion

Yes. He has constant nightmares, I can feel him shaking in his sleep when he’s next to me. But they don’t affect him daily.. or so he lets on. He has said to a friend that that is a reason why some military men push people away. I’m 22 and he’s 27. Yes he works during the week, navy, but on light duty so he does paperwork for now. He’s off thurs, sat, sun. And he has a roommate, but he legit leaves us alone. I haven’t actually seen his roommate in a while. We just hear him playing games in his room.

PTSD is no joke. My Pisces suffers from it too. So does my sister, and my other sisters ex fiance had it as well.

You have to be patient with it. He is not going to come out and tell you about it. What you need to decide is if you are able to deal with it. They all deal with things differently. Perhaps his is needing that space. Maybe it will change, maybe it wont. You need to make the decision if you want to live like that. You've had sex once. That isnt normal. Especially for a new relationship. I dont think it's a fwb but I dont think he is commited.
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Yes. And I told him I’m willing to stay and go through it with him. I think the no sex thing is strange as well. We do sexual acts but as for intercourse. Nada. He’s been recovering from surgery on his left leg and foot, and left shoulder. So his excuse every time is that he’s still in intense pain. We went on a date last weekend and he was sighing in pain for his shoulder during the movie and when we went walking I noticed that he kept flinching whenever he had to walk. He says that we can have sex when he has little to no pain bc his meds affect his libido and when he’s off the pain is too great.
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Taurus619
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6 Years

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Posted by Erinelda
Posted by Taurus619
Posted by Erinelda

@Taurus619 No matter what people try to tell you, at 6-8 weeks it is perfectly acceptable to ask someone where it is going. I think you need another talk with him. He would know by now what he wants of you.

He is just as you described yourself to be. I feel as he is just pushing me away so that he doesn’t get attached to me. I have no problem with who he is or what he is going through. I do not expect him to change who he is. I don’t want him to. I am willing to adjust. But my thing is, then shouldn’t he be able to at least compromise too? Do I wait til he is completely healed? Or do I up and go now? The issue isn’t the depression, the time together, etc. it’s just being able to compromise to what I am saying instead of shutting down

He will never be completely healed, he will flashback less in time and the depression will come and go. It lessens but it doesn't go away completely and we are not talking in days and weeks here. If I were him I would tell you to find someone healthy that is less trouble for you because causing someone else pain just for being me is too much. But we suffer of the same thing and self-sabotage comes quickly to me. Anything for relief.

I would compromise sure, but then you would see me when I am possibly dirty, miserable or emotionally exhausted and it would bring on a break up. I can't speak for him but forcing me is certainly a bad idea.
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Yes. He is exactly that way. If I didn’t know any better I would think you were him. He broke it off for a week when I tried to force him into just being happy. He has told me to move on and find someone else. And that breaks my heart bc he is a great person and he deserves the world. I hate that he even feels that way about himself. I hate that he is insecure, bc the way he is is perfect to me. I’ve dated some really shitty dudes, who dump me on holidays, dump me bc I wouldn’t have sex with them, cheated on me, ignored me, we’re inconsistent. And he is nothing like that. He is great. We have the same personality. The same goals. I couldn’t help but fall for him bc he is everything I seek in a partner. Every single thing I prayed for. He’s just damaged and I’ve stuck around for as long as I have bc I see that. We have never argued, if I want something, he gets it, vice versa, after a month of knowing me, he was the first man I’ve ever dated who waited for me to feel comfortable, who bought me a book set for my birthday bc I told him I loved reading. I just don’t know how to get him to see that I see him and I want him and I accept every bit of him and I don’t want him to change.
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SeaLion
@SeaLion
7 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 14634 · Posts: 2595 · Topics: 88
Posted by Taurus619
Posted by SeaLion
Posted by Taurus619

@sealion

Yes. He has constant nightmares, I can feel him shaking in his sleep when he’s next to me. But they don’t affect him daily.. or so he lets on. He has said to a friend that that is a reason why some military men push people away. I’m 22 and he’s 27. Yes he works during the week, navy, but on light duty so he does paperwork for now. He’s off thurs, sat, sun. And he has a roommate, but he legit leaves us alone. I haven’t actually seen his roommate in a while. We just hear him playing games in his room.

PTSD is no joke. My Pisces suffers from it too. So does my sister, and my other sisters ex fiance had it as well.

You have to be patient with it. He is not going to come out and tell you about it. What you need to decide is if you are able to deal with it. They all deal with things differently. Perhaps his is needing that space. Maybe it will change, maybe it wont. You need to make the decision if you want to live like that. You've had sex once. That isnt normal. Especially for a new relationship. I dont think it's a fwb but I dont think he is commited.

Yes. And I told him I’m willing to stay and go through it with him. I think the no sex thing is strange as well. We do sexual acts but as for intercourse. Nada. He’s been recovering from surgery on his left leg and foot, and left shoulder. So his excuse every time is that he’s still in intense pain. We went on a date last weekend and he was sighing in pain for his shoulder during the movie and when we went walking I noticed that he kept flinching whenever he had to walk. He says that we can have sex when he has little to no pain bc his meds affect his libido and when he’s off the pain is too great.
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I didnt see the surgery part. That would hinder him from having sex. The medication can effect his libido too. So yeah, then it's not that weird. I've had surgery before and I didnt want sex for months. You dont want to hear him complain about being in pain during something that is suppose to be pleasurable anyway. Neither of you would enjoy that.

If you want to stay with him through all this then that's your decision. Sounds like he is depressed. Nothing worse then a depressed water sign.
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Taurus619
@Taurus619
6 Years

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Posted by Erinelda

Honestly, since his PTSD is so fresh and he is still so depressed and so full of nightmares and insecurities, the timing is probably terrible for him to start anything serious. He isn't even up for having sex with you atm. Does he realize this and will he be honest with you? Who knows. He probably needs a good friend more than anything else.

But it is obviously your call.


Again. It’s like you are him. He has said the timing is terrible. That’s why he was pushing me away. I have told him that I am his friend first before anything. He has told me everything you have said. His ptsd isn’t fresh. He’s been military for over 8 years. But I know it still affects him. Believe me. He has told me he understands if I find another, if I walk away, to not get attached, that he’s depressed, that he feels lost. He’s told me I’m the right person but in the wrong time. I want him to understand that it’s only the wrong time if neither of will try. I have options, but I don’t want anything near those. I want him. And only him.

My question for you is, how? How do I get him to trust me? To talk to me? To know I understand? That I only want him? That he needs to stop pushing me away? How do I get him to not self sabotage what we have? Obviously if he wanted different he could have different, if he really wanted to be alone, he would want me around, I’m sure he has options as well. Obviously when I say it, he doesn’t register it, so how do I show him? Even if it’s a little bit?