buyonegetone
@buyonegetone
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 106 · Topics: 5
Ex Wants DNA Test AND Abortion
Ugh.
Whoa...he sounds like a piece of work...
It sounds like he doesn't believe that he was your only partner. This test- and the results- would be the deciding factor in whether he will pay you- not only for the abortion but probley for the rest of the money he still owes you aswell.
I don't know much about pregnancy. But from my understanding there are complications that can arise from DNA testing during the first trimester- so if you plan to keep the baby that's something you should really take into consideration.
Also- it sounds like your in a bit of an emotional dilemma in terms of whether or not you should get the abortion.
This sounds silly- but there is no shame in seeking help and guidance from a therapist- someone with an outside perspective, who can help you sort out your feelings and your thoughts. I'm sure you could probley find someone through clinic- someone with an unbiased mind and opinion.
Remember tho- that no mater how this situation plays out- It is based on YOUR choices and YOUR decisions. So focus on doing what YOU want. Do not allow yourself to be convinced by outside sources, and try to stay true to yourself.
It sounds like he doesn't believe that he was your only partner. This test- and the results- would be the deciding factor in whether he will pay you- not only for the abortion but probley for the rest of the money he still owes you aswell.
I don't know much about pregnancy. But from my understanding there are complications that can arise from DNA testing during the first trimester- so if you plan to keep the baby that's something you should really take into consideration.
Also- it sounds like your in a bit of an emotional dilemma in terms of whether or not you should get the abortion.
This sounds silly- but there is no shame in seeking help and guidance from a therapist- someone with an outside perspective, who can help you sort out your feelings and your thoughts. I'm sure you could probley find someone through clinic- someone with an unbiased mind and opinion.
Remember tho- that no mater how this situation plays out- It is based on YOUR choices and YOUR decisions. So focus on doing what YOU want. Do not allow yourself to be convinced by outside sources, and try to stay true to yourself.
For reference-
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/i-m-pregnant-libra-hates-me-5559648/
I'm not all that surprised, given the response he had in your previous thread. Dude's just an immature cunt bag. He's probably been talking to his moron buddies who gave him this "advice" because he's the only victim here, wah wah.
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/i-m-pregnant-libra-hates-me-5559648/
I'm not all that surprised, given the response he had in your previous thread. Dude's just an immature cunt bag. He's probably been talking to his moron buddies who gave him this "advice" because he's the only victim here, wah wah.
Skitty, heand I have already agreed that the testing will come after he repays me in full. At first I thought he is really just trying to get out of paying for an abortion and banking on me sleeping around, but the cost of a DNA test is way more expensive than the abortion would be, so he is taking a pretty big gamble.
Maybe you could just get your money, keep the kid, and tell him
that he need not make an appearance in either your or your child's
life, again.
His jaw will drop, no doubt, at the unexpected delivery of that news.
Bottom line is that you don't have to do it like this, and certainly not
at such a danger to your child... as someone else, this needs to be
on your terms-- not his.
I cringe.
At this point, he should consider himself fortunate if you allow him
to participate-- let the lawyers go after him for child support.
Don't give him anymore say in this matter... he's not fit.
that he need not make an appearance in either your or your child's
life, again.
His jaw will drop, no doubt, at the unexpected delivery of that news.
Bottom line is that you don't have to do it like this, and certainly not
at such a danger to your child... as someone else, this needs to be
on your terms-- not his.
I cringe.
At this point, he should consider himself fortunate if you allow him
to participate-- let the lawyers go after him for child support.
Don't give him anymore say in this matter... he's not fit.
Posted by Arielle83Agreed.
I guess it's not his fault he had an orgasm inside of you.
You jezebel, you.
Do what feels right for you. This guy is a fucktard.
Don't feel pressured in abortion to sooth him. If you do it and you aren't 100% sure, you may regret your decision down the line.
It's seriously fucked up how often you hear guys pulling shit like this because they decided to splooge inside of a girl.
"OHNOES, SHE'S PREGNANT?? I'M NOT ACCOUNTABLE!"
Fuck. That. Total pieces of shit these guys are.
Posted by backtokemetIve been fortunate enough to have a big wake up call since that original post, haha. For the most part Ive been not considering him at all and have been trying to balance my logic and emotions without him as a factor, so no matter how I proceed, HE wont be the rhyme or reason.
OK I read the original post in the link rockyroad generously provided
first off one fantasy has to be nipped in the bud:
Don't put too much hope in keeping the baby as a tactic to keep this man in your life, the fact that you *love* him and that he may be the father of the baby doesn't mean jackshit. He'll have to contribute financially if the baby is his but he'll also hate and resent you even more (going by what's written in the other thread). At this point, it's EITHER about (1) the baby and his well-being (which the guy obviously won't contribute to) OR (2) you and your desire to have the man in your life.
If you try to combine the two (having the baby & hoping to keep the man) the baby will be the losing party
At the time I agreed to get the abortion, I was comfortable with the decision, although now that some time has passed Ive been reconsidering everything. It really is a tough decision thats going to have positive and negative consequences either way that will change my life forever. But his sudden request for this DNA test has really thrown me off my balance. I don't understand what he gets out of it, and when it comes back positive it's just going to put him in the position of legal responsibility (IF I decide to see the pregnancy through). I mean, it's no skin off my bones to get it done. Im just not seeing his logic behind it.
Posted by Arielle83Didnt you know? If I didnt have such a rockin vagina I wouldnt be in this position! How DARE I be comfortable to be inside of! TOTALLY my fault!
I guess it's not his fault he had an orgasm inside of you.
If you do it and you aren't 100% sure, you may regret your decision down the line.
I think either decision is going to come with it's own set of regrets and what-ifs. But youre right, I need to make my decision without thinking of him as a factor.
I think you should think about what you want for the baby that you are carrying. Don't let him pressure you into a moral choice that you only you will be dealing with the pain and devastation later still alone. Know this if he doesn't want to be their now he will probably won't want to be their later but you will have resources if you know for sure that it is his. Sorry that it has to be so difficult and emotionally painful for you. Next time pay more attention to the fiber of the man because everyone won't be like this.
I think there's more emotion behind him demanding a DNA test than there is logic. Perhaps confusion, feeling cornered, or high emotions in general.
It's also best to fully explore the alternative side of things, which would abortion, just so you understand the most you can about what you want. If you have the baby and he decides to come back and try to be a father, that could cause you 18 or more years of extra stress. I would expect more verbal lashings and at the worst, custody battles (which I don't imagine he would win) and him using the kid against you (such as "s/he doesn't even want this or like you"). Not to mention, a new partner might buckle under the stress of having to deal with this immature man if he does become that bad. Or it at least might be an issue for him. Also the possibility of suffering from PPD after pregnancy. There was also a study that planned kids receive more love than unplanned. No matter your situation, however, you can always be an amazing mother and do the best you can for your kid. You may never really know what the right choice is or you may eventually come to realize the right choice. Try not to blame yourself for whatever decision you make. You might have regrets either way. Stay strong!
It's also best to fully explore the alternative side of things, which would abortion, just so you understand the most you can about what you want. If you have the baby and he decides to come back and try to be a father, that could cause you 18 or more years of extra stress. I would expect more verbal lashings and at the worst, custody battles (which I don't imagine he would win) and him using the kid against you (such as "s/he doesn't even want this or like you"). Not to mention, a new partner might buckle under the stress of having to deal with this immature man if he does become that bad. Or it at least might be an issue for him. Also the possibility of suffering from PPD after pregnancy. There was also a study that planned kids receive more love than unplanned. No matter your situation, however, you can always be an amazing mother and do the best you can for your kid. You may never really know what the right choice is or you may eventually come to realize the right choice. Try not to blame yourself for whatever decision you make. You might have regrets either way. Stay strong!
How old are you and what state do you live in?
Also, how many weeks pregnant are you?
Posted by buyonegetone
But his sudden request for this DNA test has really thrown me off my balance.
I don't understand what he gets out of it ....
Why would that throw you off balance? You aren't capable of rationalizing?
Why would a person who believes themselves to be intelligent not get why a man would want a DNA test?
You're a dumb dumb, aren't you? Because what you have posted here is completely rational on his part.
For any person to end up pregnant in an LDR is a red flag waving. For you to not comprehend that, is an indication to me that you're not real bright in the common sense department.
Also, you started this off by saying a few months ago that this sudden pregnancy started, and now you talk as if you are still discussing this with him and pondering what you are going to do .... meanwhile, people like me with more than two brain cells realize that a few months means more than two, which means this is probably all bullshit to get attention.
Because a few months would equal 12 weeks, at least.
It's not like I actually expected most of these people to look at this objectively, since everything is subjective to them, which renders them incapable of rationalizing.
This is likely all bullshit .. this alleged pregnancy, your feigning innocence ... because the truth is - if you are pregnant, then it means YOU allowed a dick to enter your vagina that wasn't wrapped up.
YOU are the person responsible for your body, and you can't come in here, or anywhere, and act like it's all his fault you're pregnant ... and the rational mind will realize that most of your responders overlooked any/all accountability on your part to point the finger at him, as if he is exclusively responsible for your bad decision you made about your own body.
These women are all just projecting ..... likely because they make the same dumb ass choices, and like that you've provided an avenue for them to all gather around to cluck about how it's never the woman's fault.
A bunch of morons in here, tbh ....
kquote>Posted by buyonegetone
I told him I would be more than happy to do a DNA test and offered to pay for it.
Posted by buyonegetone
I do NOT understand why he suddenly wants this DNA test.
Sounds to me like he realizes you're full of shit, and so he's calling your bluff.
There's no other reason for you to offer to have a DNA test, and then be shocked that he actually wants one.
You're playing him, and he's not biting ... and now you have to provide a fetus that isn't there to test, is more likely the truth here.
you missed my questions through P-Angels rant, could you please answer?
Posted by LetltB
How old are you and what state do you live in?Posted by LetltBI ask how many weeks pregnant you are because in actuality your first post about this situation was on July 7th 2015. You say "three months" in this thread...are you 12 weeks + pregnant? Because time is of the essence here and I'd like to give you child support advice and dna advice.
Also, how many weeks pregnant are you?click to expand
Posted by buyonegetoneHe naturally wants to make sure it's his before he spends a lot of money. I actually don't blame him.
Hey Folks!
I first came here a few months ago asking advice on a guy who broke up with me after finding out that I was pregnant. Three months later, I'm back, asking for more perspective. Okay, here's the situation (going to try to keep it as short as possible)...
When I first told him I was pregnant, he refused to believe it was his. We had a LDR, but he was my only partner, so I told him I would be more than happy to do a DNA test and offered to pay for it. He said it wasn't necessary and that he just wanted me to have an abortion. I said that I did not want an abortion and decided to keep the baby, although that decision has also been quite rough and I've been second guessing myself constantly. A few weeks ago, I approached him about returning a large sum of money he owed me. He agreed to return it, in two parts. I recieved the first part and am waiting on the second part. We met and discussed it face-to-face and signed a contract. During our meeting, we talked more about an abortion, and I agreed to get one under the condition that he would accompany me and pay for half of the expenses. (I personally still do not know if I want an abortion I feel like I won't know until I'm actually there... but that is my personal demon). This morning we discussed the second portion of repayment and I also asked about the kid. He said he still wanted an abortion. I told him that I still couldn't do it alone. He said he understood, and then said that he wanted us to get a DNA test first. "If it's not mine, I could sue you, you know!" he said. Whatever...
I do NOT understand why he suddenly wants this DNA test. He told me that he would pay for all expenses involved. I didn't ask him why he wanted the test done. I was a bit too stunned by his request. I'm more than happy to do the test, but I feel that, if I were him, it's something totally unnecesary. Why the change? Why the need for the test? What do you think?
Good luck with your decision, it's a tough one.
If you decide to keep it, he can sign away his paternity rights and will no longer be obligated to you or the baby financially, if that's what he is concerned about.
Okay, addressing some things. The reason I don't understand why he NOW wants a DNA test is because he says he still wants an abortion regardless of if the child is his or not. I offered him a DNA test to begin with because the second thing out of his mouth after "get an abortion" was "there's no way it's mine". Which is an asshat thing to accuse your SO of, and I told him I'd be more than willing to get a DNA test if he wants since HE had doubts. I'm not trying to play him, to me it doesn't matter if we get the test or not. I just do not understand why a person who was so hell bent on an abortion suddenl wants a DNA test first. How does that make sense on his part?
Secondly, I found out I was pregnant on June 18th. Since doctors count from the date of the last period, that puts me at 13 weeks and a few days. Three months. Yes, time is of the essence, I know this.
To P-Angel: Honestly just go fuck yourself. I had sex with my boyfriend while on birth control and it failed. Take your two brain cells out for a cup of coffee.
Am I still pondering what do to? Yes, I am. Because an abortion is a huge personal decision. But perhaps my original post wasn't clear -- I did not come here seeking advice as to whether or not I should get an abortion. This is NOT about an abortion. The fact that I am still undecided on whether or not I want to go through with the abortion as planned is moreso a personl aside. As far as he knows, the plan is for the two of us to go to the clinic together and have an abortion, which is what he has wanted all along. This is about why the hell a man who, for the past three months has been gung-ho on having me get an abortion and hasn't wanted a DNA test, suddenly out of the blue wants a DNA test.
Secondly, I found out I was pregnant on June 18th. Since doctors count from the date of the last period, that puts me at 13 weeks and a few days. Three months. Yes, time is of the essence, I know this.
To P-Angel: Honestly just go fuck yourself. I had sex with my boyfriend while on birth control and it failed. Take your two brain cells out for a cup of coffee.
Am I still pondering what do to? Yes, I am. Because an abortion is a huge personal decision. But perhaps my original post wasn't clear -- I did not come here seeking advice as to whether or not I should get an abortion. This is NOT about an abortion. The fact that I am still undecided on whether or not I want to go through with the abortion as planned is moreso a personl aside. As far as he knows, the plan is for the two of us to go to the clinic together and have an abortion, which is what he has wanted all along. This is about why the hell a man who, for the past three months has been gung-ho on having me get an abortion and hasn't wanted a DNA test, suddenly out of the blue wants a DNA test.
Posted by truecapPosted by buyonegetoneHe naturally wants to make sure it's his before he spends a lot of money. I actually don't blame him.
Hey Folks!
I first came here a few months ago asking advice on a guy who broke up with me after finding out that I was pregnant. Three months later, I'm back, asking for more perspective. Okay, here's the situation (going to try to keep it as short as possible)...
When I first told him I was pregnant, he refused to believe it was his. We had a LDR, but he was my only partner, so I told him I would be more than happy to do a DNA test and offered to pay for it. He said it wasn't necessary and that he just wanted me to have an abortion. I said that I did not want an abortion and decided to keep the baby, although that decision has also been quite rough and I've been second guessing myself constantly. A few weeks ago, I approached him about returning a large sum of money he owed me. He agreed to return it, in two parts. I recieved the first part and am waiting on the second part. We met and discussed it face-to-face and signed a contract. During our meeting, we talked more about an abortion, and I agreed to get one under the condition that he would accompany me and pay for half of the expenses. (I personally still do not know if I want an abortion I feel like I won't know until I'm actually there... but that is my personal demon). This morning we discussed the second portion of repayment and I also asked about the kid. He said he still wanted an abortion. I told him that I still couldn't do it alone. He said he understood, and then said that he wanted us to get a DNA test first. "If it's not mine, I could sue you, you know!" he said. Whatever...
I do NOT understand why he suddenly wants this DNA test. He told me that he would pay for all expenses involved. I didn't ask him why he wanted the test done. I was a bit too stunned by his request. I'm more than happy to do the test, but I feel that, if I were him, it's something totally unnecesary. Why the change? Why the need for the test? What do you think?click to expand
Good luck with your decision, it's a tough one.
If you decide to keep it, he can sign away his paternity rights and will no longer be obligated to you or the baby financially, if tha
TruCap, sorry, ran out of characters in the block quote. It doesn't make sense for him to spend all this money on a DNA test, though, when the DNA test is way more expensive than an abortion. Especially since the abortion cost would be split between us 50/50.
It really doesnt make a difference. If he really wants a DNA test, I have nothing to hide.
Posted by truecapWhat a dream that ^^^would be for a man who donates sperm for a child on a whim and runs. In fact the only way a man can get out of child support is when he signs away his paternity rights if and when the baby is being adopted by another man. Until that happens, he's obligated to child support.
If you decide to keep it, he can sign away his paternity rights and will no longer be obligated to you or the baby financially, if that's what he is concerned about.
Posted by buyonegetone
I just do not understand why a person who was so hell bent on an abortion suddenl wants a DNA test first. How does that make sense on his part?
Secondly, I found out I was pregnant on June 18th. Since doctors count from the date of the last period, that puts me at 13 weeks and a few days. Three months. Yes, time is of the essence, I know this.
Posted by buyonegetoneRegarding these two responses. Whether you want a DNA test or not, doesn't matter. He has a right to one, now or after. There is a non-evasive test that can be done NOW which is your blood and his but there is a cut off time for that and I'm not sure how many weeks. I know it can be done from 7 weeks forward. It's a "CFF DNA" test which detects fetal DNA in your blood.
TruCap, sorry, ran out of characters in the block quote. It doesn't make sense for him to spend all this money on a DNA test, though, when the DNA test is way more expensive than an abortion. Especially since the abortion cost would be split between us 50/50.click to expand
If he's paying for the DNA test, what do you care?? It's to your advantage. Not only that if he is the father, you tally up every expense from the day you found out you were pregnant forward, he's obligated to a percentage of the expense. That's WHY I asked what state you were in which you haven't revealed. Regardless of your decision to keep it he has a right to the DNA test because if it's not his and he tests the fetus after an abortion, guess what? You will pay for the abortion in full or end up paying him back his half. He probably talked to a lawyer, so I wouldn't screw around with his request for DNA now. He can bring other charges (civil) against you if you piss him off enough. That will happen if he should find out the child is not his.
So what state are you in?
I don't understand why no one is acknowledging what's already been said: DNA Tests...
the prenatal variety, can be quite risky.
Not worth the danger to the child or the mother, for the satisfaction of the *fucktard* who
doesn't care, either way.
😆
+1
the prenatal variety, can be quite risky.
Not worth the danger to the child or the mother, for the satisfaction of the *fucktard* who
doesn't care, either way.
Posted by buyonegetone
To P-Angel: Honestly just go fuck yourself. I had sex with my boyfriend while on birth control and it failed.
Take your two brain cells out for a cup of coffee.
😆
+1
Posted by MontgomeryA blood test from the mother is not risky at all.
I don't understand why no one is acknowledging what's already been said: DNA Tests...
the prenatal variety, can be quite risky.
Not worth the danger to the child or the mother, for the satisfaction of the *fucktard* who
doesn't care, either way.
Posted by buyonegetone
To P-Angel: Honestly just go fuck yourself. I had sex with my boyfriend while on birth control and it failed.
Take your two brain cells out for a cup of coffee.
😆
+1
click to expand
* DNA can be determined quite easily, once the child is born-- it does not have to ruled out, at all.
Posted by MontgomeryScience and technology made it simple for a father to find out EARLY, to avoid having to go through the court system and legal fees later on.
* DNA can be determined quite easily, once the child is born-- it does not have to ruled out, at all.
If this poster has nothing to hide, why procrastinate a simple blood test that does not affect her or the baby at all that he insists on paying for? If he is the father, she can take him to family court without a lawyer and no expense NOW with those results and have him ordered NOW to pay for the expenses she is going to endure throughout the pregnancy. It's all win, win for both her and the baby.
Posted by LetltBIm in Ohio right now. Thanks for that information on the type of testing. I'll have to do my research on what my options are and what carries the least risk. He is in Kentucky, so maybe different states have different options? If so, it's not too far for me to travel.
Regarding these two responses. Whether you want a DNA test or not, doesn't matter. He has a right to one, now or after. There is a non-evasive test that can be done NOW which is your blood and his but there is a cut off time for that and I'm not sure how many weeks. I know it can be done from 7 weeks forward. It's a "CFF DNA" test which detects fetal DNA in your blood.
If he's paying for the DNA test, what do you care?? It's to your advantage. Not only that if he is the father, you tally up every expense from the day you found out you were pregnant forward, he's obligated to a percentage of the expense. That's WHY I asked what state you were in which you haven't revealed. Regardless of your decision to keep it he has a right to the DNA test because if it's not his and he tests the fetus after an abortion, guess what? You will pay for the abortion in full or end up paying him back his half. He probably talked to a lawyer, so I wouldn't screw around with his request for DNA now. He can bring other charges (civil) against you if you piss him off enough. That will happen if he should find out the child is not his.
So what state are you in?
I dont even know if I would want to name him as the father if I wentthrough with the pregnancy. But I suppose Im wanting to know his reasoning because of the implications that wanting a test would mean. For instance, if he ONLY wants a test because he is just curious or looking to get out of footing the bills, then I can deal with that and brush it off as just him pulling more bullshit and being an ass to no end. And nothing for me really changes. But if he is wanting this because he is thinking he might want to be in the babys life afterall, then that changes the game entirely for all three of us.
Posted by LetltBThe timing of the test has no bearing on later court costs.Posted by MontgomeryScience and technology made it simple for a father to find out EARLY, to avoid having to go through the court system and legal fees later on.
* DNA can be determined quite easily, once the child is born-- it does not have to ruled out, at all.
If this poster has nothing to hide, why procrastinate a simple blood test that does not affect her or the baby at all that he insists on paying for? If he is the father, she can take him to family court without a lawyer and no expense NOW with those results and have him ordered NOW to pay for the expenses she is going to endure throughout the pregnancy. It's all win, win for both her and the baby.click to expand
However...
IF it has no effect on the child, great.... unfortunately, every site that says it's
"perfectly safe" has a disclaimer included about either its safety or reliability.
Posted by buyonegetoneYour options are...
Im in Ohio right now. Thanks for that information on the type of testing. I'll have to do my research on what my options are and what carries the least risk. He is in Kentucky, so maybe different states have different options? If so, it's not too far for me to travel.
I dont even know if I would want to name him as the father if I wentthrough with the pregnancy. But I suppose Im wanting to know his reasoning because of the implications that wanting a test would mean. For instance, if he ONLY wants a test because he is just curious or looking to get out of footing the bills, then I can deal with that and brush it off as just him pulling more bullshit and being an ass to no end. And nothing for me really changes. But if he is wanting this because he is thinking he might want to be in the babys life afterall, then that changes the game entirely for all three of us.
you put your arm out, pin prick, give a little tube of blood now NO RISK if he's the father, you claim child support now.
take a risk and have the invasive test of placenta (amnio)
swab babies mouth after birth NO RISK...however plan on $ 12,000.00 in baby's first year of expenses with legal fees on top of it.
Jurisdiction is where the mother resides and where she gives birth. Your local DCFS can answer all your questions for free and can confirm.
The fact that you don't care either way and are ONLY concerned about what your ex-boyfriend is thinking clearly shows you aren't ready to have a baby or have a clue what bringing a child into this world entails.
Posted by MontgomeryThis is true. However, I don't know what her financial status is, but if she is not in a stable financial position, now is the time to file in court if he is the father, so that he can be ordered DURING the pregnancy for expenses, then that will be modified higher right after she gives birth.
The timing of the test has no bearing on later court costs.
If she waits on the test she can simply do now, then it will be up to her to take care of the financial issues all on her own throughout. (considering the father says "screw you") So if she chooses to wait, depending on when she gets a hearing in court after the child is born (which can be up to 2-3 months out from the date of petition), that's another 3 months added to the 9 months (a year)...then the judge will give the father another 60 days (2 months) to get a paternity test and the next court hearing for the results. When the results are in and they return to court, the judge will order financials from both the mother and father and have them back on a 30 day return date. After the judge receives the financial records from both parents, the judge legally has another 60 days to hand down her decision on the monthly child support.
Personally, if her financial situation is positive, great...she can wait close to two years to begin child support (with arrears) or she can start now if her finances are nil. The choice is hers.
Posted by LetltBI really wish people would stop saying that I ONLY care about the guy. It's just not true. Perhaps it's hard to really construe my wholefeelings and situation on a message board. Up until he requested a DNA test this morning, I really have not considered him in any of my choices and just assumed he would never be in the picture. Am I concerned about what he is thinking with this DNA test? Yes, I am. But it's not like Ive been sitting around for the past few months pining over him and wishing he was back in my life. And when I DO find myself thinking oh I want him back I brush it off as a delusion and get back to what really mattePosted by buyonegetoneYour options are...
Im in Ohio right now. Thanks for that information on the type of testing. I'll have to do my research on what my options are and what carries the least risk. He is in Kentucky, so maybe different states have different options? If so, it's not too far for me to travel.
I dont even know if I would want to name him as the father if I wentthrough with the pregnancy. But I suppose Im wanting to know his reasoning because of the implications that wanting a test would mean. For instance, if he ONLY wants a test because he is just curious or looking to get out of footing the bills, then I can deal with that and brush it off as just him pulling more bullshit and being an ass to no end. And nothing for me really changes. But if he is wanting this because he is thinking he might want to be in the babys life afterall, then that changes the game entirely for all three of us.
you put your arm out, pin prick, give a little tube of blood now NO RISK if he's the father, you claim child support now.
take a risk and have the invasive test of placenta (amnio)
swab babies mouth after birth NO RISK...however plan on $ 12,000.00 in baby's first year of expenses with legal fees on top of it.
Jurisdiction is where the mother resides and where she gives birth. Your local DCFS can answer all your questions for free and can confirm.
The fact that you don't care either way and are ONLY concerned about what your ex-boyfriend is thinking clearly shows you aren't ready to have a baby or have a clue what bringing a child into this world entails.click to expand
…really matters.
Am I unprepared? Am I clueless as to what it really takes to bring a child into this world? Probably. And it's scares me shitless. But that lack of preparation does NOT come from being overly focused on HIM. Do I feel ready to have a child? Honestly no I don't. But again, that has nothing to do with him.
Am I unprepared? Am I clueless as to what it really takes to bring a child into this world? Probably. And it's scares me shitless. But that lack of preparation does NOT come from being overly focused on HIM. Do I feel ready to have a child? Honestly no I don't. But again, that has nothing to do with him.
Posted by buyonegetoneIn his way of thinking, if it's not his kid, he's not responsible for paying for the abortion. I'd advise my son the same thing if he were in that situation.
Okay, addressing some things. The reason I don't understand why he NOW wants a DNA test is because he says he still wants an abortion regardless of if the child is his or not.t.
Posted by buyonegetoneWhat if he changes his mind about the abortion if he knows it's his. He may do a turn around on his way of thinking.
It really doesnt make a difference. If he really wants a DNA test, I have nothing to hide.
Posted by LetltBWell, I'm just saying if she wants to keep it against his wishes, he has that right, if she agrees that he doesn't have to take financial responsibility. It takes two to make a baby and it takes two to make the decision, however it could only take one to raise it and support it.Posted by truecapWhat a dream that ^^^would be for a man who donates sperm for a child on a whim and runs. In fact the only way a man can get out of child support is when he signs away his paternity rights if and when the baby is being adopted by another man. Until that happens, he's obligated to child support.
If you decide to keep it, he can sign away his paternity rights and will no longer be obligated to you or the baby financially, if that's what he is concerned about.click to expand
Posted by truecapI do wonder if that is his main motivation, although I don't want to kid myself into any false hopes. It's highly possible that he has hada change of heart and wants to keep the baby, but wants solid proof of his paternity first. But it's equally as possible that he wants this for financial security only.Posted by buyonegetoneWhat if he changes his mind about the abortion if he knows it's his. He may do a turn around on his way of thinking.
It really doesnt make a difference. If he really wants a DNA test, I have nothing to hide.click to expand
If he does do a turn around, then I have to really consider how much of a role I want him to be in the child's life. I wouldnt expect him to want to be an actual family, but he IS the father and DOES have rights, too. Then again, if he is acting this way now, how do I know he would be a positive force in the child's life, etc. I wouldnt want to deny a father the rights to his child, but I also wouldnt want the child to have to suffer through a asshat. So, I feel that knowing his true motivation behind this would help prepare all parties involved for the long run.
Posted by buyonegetoneFatherhood sometimes changes a man.Posted by truecapI do wonder if that is his main motivation, although I don't want to kid myself into any false hopes. It's highly possible that he has hada change of heart and wants to keep the baby, but wants solid proof of his paternity first. But it's equally as possible that he wants this for financial security only.Posted by buyonegetoneWhat if he changes his mind about the abortion if he knows it's his. He may do a turn around on his way of thinking.
It really doesnt make a difference. If he really wants a DNA test, I have nothing to hide.
If he does do a turn around, then I have to really consider how much of a role I want him to be in the child's life. I wouldnt expect him to want to be an actual family, but he IS the father and DOES have rights, too. Then again, if he is acting this way now, how do I know he would be a positive force in the child's life, etc. I wouldnt want to deny a father the rights to his child, but I also wouldnt want the child to have to suffer through a asshat. So, I feel that knowing his true motivation behind this would help prepare all parties involved for the long run.click to expand
If he does have a turn around, then you raise it just like any other divorced couple out there. You have no choice how much interaction he has - that's up to the courts. He has a right to access to the child, regardless what you think of him as a man.
I do believe his insistence on the DNA is for financial reasons, though.
And for the record, just because he has a doubt as to whether he is the father, makes him suspicious maybe, and perhaps smart not to jump in while blindly taking your word for it. It does not make him an asshat, in my opinion.
I'm not saying this negative against you. Just another angle to consider.
I'm not saying this negative against you. Just another angle to consider.
Well he is an asshat for many many other reasons, but the accusation of infidelity it just the icing on the cake. 😉
I have not read all of this...but what the actual fuck—
First off. Abortion is YOUR decision and your decision only.
It is one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't choices. And they both suck. You personally have to take the pros and cons of either decision and choose which one of those sides is the best decision and poses the least impact cons. The ones you can live with. Sure, if you choose to have the child he will have responsibility of the child. But if you choose to have the abortion his hands are clean while YOU still have to deal emotional impact of your decision. Your choice will impact YOU either way you go. It is YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone.
As far as the DNA testing. If I am correct the only way to have that at this point is through evasive methods like an amnio? FUCK THAT. DO NOT put your baby (if you choose to keep it) and YOURSELF through an evasive PAINFUL procedure like this that is risky for his threats. Then if you have the abortion, you are having to put yourself through another evasive and uncomfortable to painful procedure. Don't give him that. He can get his DNA test if you choose to have this baby.
First off. Abortion is YOUR decision and your decision only.
It is one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't choices. And they both suck. You personally have to take the pros and cons of either decision and choose which one of those sides is the best decision and poses the least impact cons. The ones you can live with. Sure, if you choose to have the child he will have responsibility of the child. But if you choose to have the abortion his hands are clean while YOU still have to deal emotional impact of your decision. Your choice will impact YOU either way you go. It is YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone.
As far as the DNA testing. If I am correct the only way to have that at this point is through evasive methods like an amnio? FUCK THAT. DO NOT put your baby (if you choose to keep it) and YOURSELF through an evasive PAINFUL procedure like this that is risky for his threats. Then if you have the abortion, you are having to put yourself through another evasive and uncomfortable to painful procedure. Don't give him that. He can get his DNA test if you choose to have this baby.
Him wanting a DNA test I'm pretty sure is for financial reasons. You're trying to pin a kid and the financial responsibility of it on him and he has no real knowledge that the kid is even his. It is the smart and right thing to do on his part because if you do decide to keep the child, there are going to be steps he should have taken and done when the baby is done and the courts get involved and he wants to make sure he's covered his ash.
Do not kid yourself into thinking he's had a change of heart and if the baby is his you guys are going to be a family and everything will turn out great in the end. He is getting advice from his parents/family and they are telling him he's not responsible for anything until it is proven he's the father which is true and the same thing I would tell my son if some girl he's being fooling around with that lives out of state claimed she was pregnant by him. He is looking out for his best interest as he should and you need to look out for your best interest and not consider him a factor.
You claim you're not but the fact that she stated what if he's thinking of staying around if he finds out the baby is his, proves you're still hoping for the happily ever after ending. If you decide to keep the baby be sure it is with the mindset that you will be doing this alone and even if he does pay child support it's going to suck raising a child that has a "paycheck" father as he doesn't ever have to see the child if he doesn't want too and can relinquish his visitation and parental rights all together.
Bottom line is that he knows what him being a father could mean for him financially and he's taking the steps needed to ensure his ducks are in a row before taking financially responsibility for a kid that has not proven to be his.
Do not kid yourself into thinking he's had a change of heart and if the baby is his you guys are going to be a family and everything will turn out great in the end. He is getting advice from his parents/family and they are telling him he's not responsible for anything until it is proven he's the father which is true and the same thing I would tell my son if some girl he's being fooling around with that lives out of state claimed she was pregnant by him. He is looking out for his best interest as he should and you need to look out for your best interest and not consider him a factor.
You claim you're not but the fact that she stated what if he's thinking of staying around if he finds out the baby is his, proves you're still hoping for the happily ever after ending. If you decide to keep the baby be sure it is with the mindset that you will be doing this alone and even if he does pay child support it's going to suck raising a child that has a "paycheck" father as he doesn't ever have to see the child if he doesn't want too and can relinquish his visitation and parental rights all together.
Bottom line is that he knows what him being a father could mean for him financially and he's taking the steps needed to ensure his ducks are in a row before taking financially responsibility for a kid that has not proven to be his.
Posted by buyonegetoneHe wants to make sure whether the child is his or not. Moral/ethical convictions may be lurking in the background.
Hey Folks!
I first came here a few months ago asking advice on a guy who broke up with me after finding out that I was pregnant. Three months later, I'm back, asking for more perspective. Okay, here's the situation (going to try to keep it as short as possible)...
When I first told him I was pregnant, he refused to believe it was his. We had a LDR, but he was my only partner, so I told him I would be more than happy to do a DNA test and offered to pay for it. He said it wasn't necessary and that he just wanted me to have an abortion. I said that I did not want an abortion and decided to keep the baby, although that decision has also been quite rough and I've been second guessing myself constantly. A few weeks ago, I approached him about returning a large sum of money he owed me. He agreed to return it, in two parts. I recieved the first part and am waiting on the second part. We met and discussed it face-to-face and signed a contract. During our meeting, we talked more about an abortion, and I agreed to get one under the condition that he would accompany me and pay for half of the expenses. (I personally still do not know if I want an abortion I feel like I won't know until I'm actually there... but that is my personal demon). This morning we discussed the second portion of repayment and I also asked about the kid. He said he still wanted an abortion. I told him that I still couldn't do it alone. He said he understood, and then said that he wanted us to get a DNA test first. "If it's not mine, I could sue you, you know!" he said. Whatever...
I do NOT understand why he suddenly wants this DNA test. He told me that he would pay for all expenses involved. I didn't ask him why he wanted the test done. I was a bit too stunned by his request. I'm more than happy to do the test, but I feel that, if I were him, it's something totally unnecesary. Why the change? Why the need for the test? What do you think?
kquote>Posted by buyonegetone
.... he told me to go die.
..... but he is the man I love and quite frankly, I don't want him to go.
How ridiculous can a person possibly be?
It's because of women like you, that a decent woman can't find a good man.
Posted by buyonegetone1. I would tend to agree with him ... sounds like this whole thread is based on a trick. Time has run out, and your need to keep the dramatic attention is outweighing all decisions that should revolving around what is your best interest.
He said I tricked him into getting pregnant
.... laid out the reasons why he isn't ready for a child yet. I told him I understand where he is coming from, but he knew my views on abortion before we got into a relationship
He never *actually* broke up with me, so I broke up with him.
click to expand
2. Your laid out reasons for yourself and your opinions only matter as much as his. Him knowing your views on abortion only matters as much as you knowing his views. You seem to believe that your views supercede his, and that it is his duty to adhere to you.
How unreasonable and irrational. A man is as much as equal partner to you, as you are to him .. or it negates the condition "equal"
So, #2 is hogwash
3. In the second (or so) sentence of the OP, you said that he broke up with you after finding out about your (alleged) pregnancy ... while above, we find out that you are trying to deceive us because you broke up with. After this breaking up you did to him because you got your panties wadded up your ass because you didn't like his views on HIS half of the decisions .... all of this drama you have in here started.
jfc ... what a loser.
My advice to you is to check yourself, and grow some fucking dignity
Here's the bottom line from what I gather from everything you've written in here ....
You are in and ldr, and you decided to manufacture a baby to trick him into commiting to you.
when you failed at getting the reaction from him you wanted, you broke up with him in an attempt at a different angle to trick him
immediately after breaking up with him, you realized he wasn't taking your bait
so then you start to try exploit him, to gain allies ... so you can be validated, so you don't have to face the reality that you got caught with egg on your face
because, tbh, for him to attempt to talk to you about his concerns with you being pregnant at the beginning ... clearly indicates that he has a rational mind
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I first came here a few months ago asking advice on a guy who broke up with me after finding out that I was pregnant. Three months later, I'm back, asking for more perspective. Okay, here's the situation (going to try to keep it as short as possible)...
When I first told him I was pregnant, he refused to believe it was his. We had a LDR, but he was my only partner, so I told him I would be more than happy to do a DNA test and offered to pay for it. He said it wasn't necessary and that he just wanted me to have an abortion. I said that I did not want an abortion and decided to keep the baby, although that decision has also been quite rough and I've been second guessing myself constantly. A few weeks ago, I approached him about returning a large sum of money he owed me. He agreed to return it, in two parts. I recieved the first part and am waiting on the second part. We met and discussed it face-to-face and signed a contract. During our meeting, we talked more about an abortion, and I agreed to get one under the condition that he would accompany me and pay for half of the expenses. (I personally still do not know if I want an abortion I feel like I won't know until I'm actually there... but that is my personal demon). This morning we discussed the second portion of repayment and I also asked about the kid. He said he still wanted an abortion. I told him that I still couldn't do it alone. He said he understood, and then said that he wanted us to get a DNA test first. "If it's not mine, I could sue you, you know!" he said. Whatever...
I do NOT understand why he suddenly wants this DNA test. He told me that he would pay for all expenses involved. I didn't ask him why he wanted the test done. I was a bit too stunned by his request. I'm more than happy to do the test, but I feel that, if I were him, it's something totally unnecesary. Why the change? Why the need for the test? What do you think?