Gifts from my bf's female friend

My bf has a close female friend whom he's known years before meeting me. I've never met her but I've never felt jealous or threatened by her.

Anyway, the other day I found out that this woman has given my bf some very expensive gifts over the years. As a result, he buys her expensive gifts because he feels obligated to return the gesture. I told my bf I feel uncomfortable with this. He said that I shouldn't because she makes a lot of money and can afford it. That he'd be upset if I spent a lot of money on him because he knows I don't earn a lot.

Anyway, his birthday is coming up and I know what she's buying him - and I know it's expensive and something that would be difficult for me to afford.

Am I overreacting in letting this bother me?

And yeah....just to clarify, this bit of info does make me feel a tad jealous/threatened by her.

Posted by capgirl75
Well, I can't say I wouldn't feel uncomfortable as well, but I feel like I need more information:
What is the context of their relationship?
Why haven't you met her?
How long have you and the bf been together?

They originally met about 5 years ago via a chat room. My bf has a few real-life friends (male and female) that he met this way. I've known about this woman since our 3rd or 4th date. They talk on the phone once or twice a week and meet for coffee once every few months.

She's married to a controlling (possibly abusive) man who is unaware of his wife's friendship with my bf. When she and my bf meet up it's always daytime during the workweek. I'd only be available to meet her in the evening or weekend but she's afraid of her husband questioning where she's going. So that's why we've never met.

Next month my bf and I will have been together for one year.

Hell Naw you are not overreacting. She wants him and I don't care who says different. Best friend or not, she is a woman and consequently she knows how she would feel if the proverbial shoe was on the other foot. She does not respect boundaries period and she is using money as her weapon of choice.

However, I don't know that you have any recourse. Saying or acting on your feelings may prove futile and will ultimately result in a lot of accusations being thrown around.

I wouldn't say anything but you better believe that snake would be right where I can keep my eye on her. I would invite her to a birthday dinner and tongue kiss him so deeply in front of her. My behavior that night would border on pornographic !

That's a shame I don't even like her now. I have issues. LOL

I trust my bf, feel secure in our relationship and have no doubt that he sees his relationship with this woman as strictly platonic. And up until I found out about the gifts I didn't suspect her motives. I don't know how she uses chat rooms without her husband knowing. Maybe she does it at work? (She's self-employed so normal rules about internet use at work wouldn't apply.)

My bf argues that while from my perspectives the gifts she gives are expensive - for her it's nothing. (She earns at least 5x more than I do per year). And that he has male friends who give far more extravagant gifts than she does. And that they're just things with no real meaning. He told me that he appreciates and cherishes the cards I make for him far more than any store-bought gift from anyone. From me for his birthday he said he just wants a quiet night with me, a handmade card and a home cooked meal.

But yeah. Despite his reassurances, my gut is telling me that she's interested in my bf as more than a friend. My eyes are open. That's why I posted. I wanted to know if my feelings are justified.

Posted by Let*It*Be
Reassurance is nice, but if he knew this still makes you uncomfortable, why not compromise and keep it to the online stuff. I dunno, If you look up abused women (mental abuse/physical abuse), the m.o. of an abuser does not allow their partner to be independent AT ALL, let alone have her own business, access to a social life, computer etc. She may be telling your boyfriend that, but it sounds like b.s. to me. Why can't she find someone who is available to spoil and have coffee with...so you are correct to wonder what her motives are for sure. Even if she is abused, he's risking her safety and his by going out with her and getting caught by the supposed abuser. Usually victims of abusers are terrified of getting caught too. It just doesn't add up. I commend you for your patience though.

I agree. She's probably just using the abusive husband story to make herself appear weak and vulnerable in your man's eyes so she can get ongoing sympathy from him. I could be wrong but I don't sense much fear in her behaviors.
I would be suspicious for sure. Your man also has a choice not to accept the gifts.