How do you react when you find out— (Page 2)

I am late but still giving my two cents, yes be careful in this situation I was in your shoes about 2 1/2 years ago but I was the pregnant women. I was dating a bull and it didn't work out but by that time I was already like 6mths pregnant he got into another relationship with this women and I found out I think at the end of my pregnancy, this was his first child and he didn't want to face the responability of realizing he was going to be a father so I think this other women was his get away of what took his mind off of the situation so to speak. Well fast forward I had my little girl on my birthday (had to add that) and he came to the hospital and all that good stuff and he wanted to be their and be supportive a good father and so on, I never email or told this other women anything it was his job to do that but I dont think he ever told her.

So he continue dating her and I meet someone soon after I think my baby was was two months, I was not ready but I was kinda force out on a double date to get me out the house and we have been dating ever since. Back to the story when my baby was about 4mths guess who came crawling back my baby father's he starting texting me saying he misses this and that about our relationship and could I send him a pic and etc. I was so thrown off cause I knew through the grapevine he was still talking to this girl, so I just blew him off but the moral of the story my baby will be two in November and he still is trying to get back with me. He stop seeing the girl and all that and he hasn't dated or gotten serious with anyone else and every so often out the blue he will try me and see If I am still involved, I will admit in my current relationship when we had a break I went back to him but I am trying to put that behind me so I can tell you for sure that attraction or bond is still there it's hard to break and I know from experience. We have a good set up now with his days to see her and so forth but it's hard because I am in love with someone else but my feelings for him are still there and I have to fight them off.........

Thanks Scorpdiva for giving first hand knowledge because I feel it's important awesomevirgyal understand what she's up against.

Also awesomevirgyal what concerns me is your self esteem. You say things like "He looks out for my best interest too...if i need anything once he has it he will give me...plus i can count on one hand where i ever spent money since we have been together its like he takes care of my or our expenses not that i want a guy to spoil me or not that im not independent i am but when u find a man like that which to me is hard to find its hard to let go." And to me that sounds like desperation, like you don't feel you could WIN with another man, like you won't find another guy that won't lie and treat you well, you do know there are OTHER men in the world that will treat you just as good as he's treating you if not better and it also seems you use how he's treating you as an excuse to dismiss the fact that he lied to you by omission, he's still in contact with his baby mom and you feel compelled to snoop. His ex girlfriend mentioned you were pretty well what's up with the low self esteem attitude and behavior.

This is bound to end in hurt, you being the one hurt.

plus all that financial giving will most likely stop once that child support kick in...

I do admit i fear that i wont find someone else who would treat me as good , its not really about self confidence i think its more of my bad past experiences and no i am not really using financial stuff as excuses but when i met him too he took me from my lowest point and encouraged me through thick and thin, when i have no one to turn to as well he is always there to give me good advice so i think i may feel sometimes as if i owe him for the good deeds he has done when i was down and out...But at the end of the day i have to learn to put myself first and ensure that my happiness comes first also i do appreciate all the opinion and thanks scorp diva for sharing your first hand experience and I do understand totally all that you have said...I think all of this has opened my eyes further and i need to stop living in denial... But i feel its necessary to have a one on one talk with him as i think this will help to give me closure too...

And I can almost guarantee if you don't get rid of that needy vibe "I do admit i fear that i wont find someone else who would treat me as good" you'll always settle for what shows up good or bad. All the things he's done for you are things that you need to do for yourself, you don't need a man to build you up because you allowing a man to build you up gives him the power over you to tear you down, you never want to be in a position were you feel indebted to a man like you are some kind of lost dog waiting for a man to adopt you from the pound, you don't need to be rescued. Work on building up your level of self love and self esteem so you won't feel like you owe a man anything.

You don't need a man to give to you to make you feel important, you are important with or without him and that's what this lesson is going to be about, loving You FIRST, loving yourself enough to not settle and not make excuses and not look the other way, until you get that lesson you'll continue to endure this kind of mess with men.

He's not doing you a favor by being kind to you, you are not a charity case, you are not pitiful even when your down, we all get down on ourselves, we all have hardships but that doesn't make you any less valuable, and just b/c some guy treats you nice you don't make him more important than YOURSELF, he's not the most important person in your life YOU ARE the most important person in your life, there are plenty of men who will treat you with love and kindness, you deserve kindness from a man and a mere thank you is enough, you don't owe him or any man anything.

It's okay to want a man but need never need, you don't need anyone but YOU. Kindness is just kindness it's not something you place high value on, don't make it more important than it really is or you'll end up exploited by a man.

I wish you luck, I mean that sincerely and keep us updated on how things develop

Thanks tiki , i will 🙂

I must be the only one who would be wary about the ex-girlfriend..than the man..child or no child...it says something about a person who would intentionally try to "throw negativity" into another person's relationship. And it sure as hell ain't altruism.

That would be the dealbreaker for me...not the child. having to be succumbed to post girl drama....I'm good. Ethier dude check his ex-girl or we can just call it a wrap...save that drama for your momma. (literally)

Posted by CrabbyTwins

Posted by wgamador2

Posted by awesomevirgyal
lol...hey wgamador...i've been missing you around here

hey lady-bug.
Ive missed all of you too.
My doggy being sick and all a few weeks ago really fucked me up emotionally.
She is doing a lot better and so am I. I give her SubQ fluids every morning it breaks my heart but it helps her kidneys to function better (miracle)and keeps her hydrated.

yay! she is feeling better!!!!! I was wandering what was the outcome......Glad to hear everything is ok.

click to expand

Thank you so much. Looking into filing a lawsuit with the animal hospital that did the teeth cleaning.
It was negligent for them to see that her BUN levels were high and at her age (13) with known renal disease (that they themselves diagnosed and recommended a prescription diet for her four years ago) to go ahead and administer anesthesia KNOWING that it is harsh on the kidneys, (especially to a senior dog with renal disease) and could make her kidneys fail and cause her to die. It was irresponsible of them and no one should leave their pets with such an inept group that only cares about the money and not the pet's health. Had they said, Your dogs BUN levels are too high and we suggest postponing the teeth cleaning until we get her BUN levels down.....had they given us this option I can assure you 100,000% that we would have not had her teeth cleaned that day and we probably wouldnt have to inject fluids into her every morning like we have to do for the rest of her little life. Its ridiculous how much trust we put in the hands of these people who are supposed to at the least see the red flags since they are the ones who went to school and not us.
If you have a pet (especially older than 7 years old) make sure that when you get the blood work from their next physical that you educate yourself to understand when they say, "These numbers could be lower, so we'll keep an eye out on them."
Just because they have a piece of paper on their wall it doesnt mean they werent D- students and are smarter than you.

Posted by tiki33
I guess if I were in your shoes I would have a huge concern that he's still having some kind of relationship with the babies mother, what I've been told by other male friends and have observed myself is that unless something is terribly disconnected between the mother and father of the baby intimacy is still occurring (doesn't mean all the time but at some point they'll sleep together again) men typically will still carrying on a sexual emotional affair with the babies mom b/c deep down he wants to see if he can make it work and the other woman (you) actually help him escape the hard stuff with the babies mom and focus more on the good stuff which actually helps him keep his relationship going with the babies mom and the mere fact that he wasn't forthcoming about the baby would be enough for me to step back and reevaluate what I want.

No one here can tell you to leave but I have a gut feeling you know it's time to bail out and the longer you resist leaving and thus choosing to immerse yourself into this relationship and make this man your life the harder it'll be to walk away.

Consider sitting down with him and ask some really hard questions, he may act like he's annoyed and become tense about it but let him know it's important that all of your questions be answered so you can feel more at ease with the situation. Most importantly you need to ask if he's still being sexual with his this other woman which includes, hugging, kissing, spending the night over her place and ask him if he has feelings of making it work with her, of course he could lie but maybe the way he answers the questions will give you an idea if you should stay or go, if he dodges answering your questions then you have your answer, give yourself permission to get out of the relationship before it's too late.

I agree most with this piece of advise

Thanks for you input pikachu...I have made a decision and have spoken to him will post a further update on monday...

You referred to him as your Virgo on another thread, AND you spoke very highly and fondly of him .... but, don't regret your decision because you can find numerous things to get in the way if you choose .. so when you need to have something else dramatic to cling to, something will always be there, if you twist it far enough.

Posted by P-Angel
You referred to him as your Virgo on another thread, AND you spoke very highly and fondly of him .... but, don't regret your decision because you can find numerous things to get in the way if you choose .. so when you need to have something else dramatic to cling to, something will always be there, if you twist it far enough.

He will always be my virgo, and who knows what my decision is...hhhmmmm.....i guess you think its negative right..