MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts
Comments: 37529 Ā· Posts: 41243 Ā· Topics: 331
I'm feeling really upset about this, so what should I do? (Page 3)
You are on page out of 3 | Reverse Order
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
We are talking a number so vast, you canāt fully comprehend it
$ 100 trillion dollars and $ 0 of it going to ole nano
$ 100 trillion dollars and $ 0 of it going to ole nano
Posted by FindingbalancePosted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
I'm in that same boat. Which is why I say it's a big generalization to paint that entire generation as the ones holding all the cards. At least we can't be left holding the bag for their debts.
But, my parents lived the lives they chose and it's up to me to live the one I choose. Noones guaranteed a hand down.click to expand
Absolutely right and unfortunately we arenāt even guaranteed a social security payment though Iāve been paying it for others for 20 yearsā¦ā¦ā¦
Posted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by Walk_on_byPosted by alexscariesBringing up someone being raped by their stepfather is a weird way to dismiss another persons situation, completely fucking irrelevant actually.Posted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
I agree that I need to be there for him more sympathetically. But ignoring talking about emotions is really bad as well. Suppressing emotions and feeling like you can't talk to your partner about when you're feeling bad is what can kill a relationship also, in my opinion.
Ignoring and avoiding emotions like that is exactly what's caused today's generational problem of mental health.
The "just deal with it and swallow it down" mentality of boomers never worked, because humans feel shit, we need to talk about it. My generation are changing that.
click to expand
Every generation blames the previous one. Be realistic boomers aren't the reason you can't get a mortgage it's IMF and people like JP Morgan not to mention the estate agents who artificially inflated prices for a big cut.
If I'm with a sexy girl last thing I want to talk about is feelings. Not fun and not sexy. Save it for your girlfriends. Trust me what you're going through isn't even a bad patch compared to most people. Why not say you want a cuddle and a bit of attention. Women say how bad men are at communicating, but you expect us to know everything.
click to expand
Yeah, human women don't work that way. Nor do serious emotionally deep relationships work that way. If you want a "sexy" woman who doesn't talk about emotions, swallows hers down and is like a sex robot for you, then I hope you already have a sex doll and aren't hurting an actual real woman in real life. Or hire an escort/hooker for a real feel down there, but even then they're real women.
Humans have emotions. And women are the more emotional counterpart. Come to terms with that.
click to expand
Dog whistle innuendo is beneath you.
I do all the regular man/woman stuff everyone else does including having deep and emotional conversations, not that I need to justify my existence. Oddly enough I don't seem to attract histrionic women. I can have a serious chat, but most have real problems; like one who was raped by her stepfather. She had therapy and got on with her life. That's why I am so critical of things like this because it is fuck all in comparison. I only have relationships with sexy women, why would I not?
I think you have created an imaginary problem because you don't feel worthy; it's called self-sabotage. The problem is he isn't co-dependant and can live without you.
click to expand
It's horrible especially someone in that position of trust. A situation that she didn't have control over. With this situation it's straight forward he's even said he wants to concentrate on work and wants space, so why create a problem which isn't there? People don't fit an idealised mould and people realise it sooner or later then they need to adapt. Irrelevant or not it's an example and I'm just so bloody sick of people moaning about minor stuff, when there's people going through hell who find ways of coping. I know it's extreme, but it was the closest contrast I could think of.
But there is a problem for her ā¦. Sheās worried about the state of her relationship. Itās nobodyās place to minimize that.
click to expand
It might not be fair and I will admit I've been harsh, but stuff like that is what pushes men away. It's not enough just to want affection. He might be a pisces moon, but he is a man first and foremost and if he feels like a therapist or big brother he won't stick around. This keep happening; people ask for advice and they get it, but it's not what they want to hear and they actually want someone to tell them they are right.
click to expand
Scorpio Moon?
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShineThat's what I'm saying. It's the fact my Scorp guy has spent half his day on his work then come to me and had sex with me when all I wanted was to emotionally bond with him.Posted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
Then he may as well start batting for the other side
Women not being emotional is like asking a baby not to cry ā¦. Sheās a right to feel and express her emotions otherwise sheās with the wrong bloke ā¦
click to expand
Just to reiterate in case people don't understand why. He is presumably working hard and struggling financially and she expresses her concerns and feelings, fine and then she wants to do it again next time they meet.
Let's have a talk and I want to talk about feelings. Strike fear into men's hearts. On his day off he wants to have fun with a sexy girl not listen to a speech.
click to expand
Sure he does ~ sexy fun time please
But that isnāt how things happen in relationshipsā¦like when I meet friends and look forward to a laugh and theyāre going through a difficult time, I listen to them and let them vent. You canāt programme people to be what you want them to be (hence the surge in robot sex dollsā¦.(.āsheās so compliant, happy and a sexy fun girlā)ā¦
Day off and fun with a sexy girl guaranteed - go get a hooker (who will pretend to be happy, ālove you a long timeā)
Sharing emotions doesnāt equate to listening to a speech
Wow
Men and >>>>> women hey? š«Ø
click to expand
It's the "get home from work, and release my stress by fucking my partner without putting intimate love into it" mentality I hate with a fiery fucking passion.
And I've been feeling that way with the way he's been having sex with me at the moment. I'm sure it's not his intentions, or maybe he doesn't know that and will get a wake up call when he realises I'm feeling used for sex to release his stress from work and life.
He's not usually like this in sex. I've felt and seen him when he genuinely romantically bonds with me during sex. It doesn't feel like "fuck", it feels like making love. I know the guys here will moan and groan at that, because they probably don't have a Water moon or romantic Venus, but that's how me and my man are.
He's literally expressed his entire heart to me verbally whilst having sex before, not just once either. I literally let out tears because of it lol
So I know how he is right now isn't his relaxed and normal self. It's his stress. And it's making me feel used for sex. And the fact I feel emotionally neglected. But I realise I'll need to work on giving myself the love I feel I'm missing too.
click to expand
Men and women - Totally different mind set
Think I pretty much nailed it excuse the pun šclick to expand
Had the talk ā¤ļø everything that's been bothering us both has been patched up now. I knew my Scorpio Moon man would validate and understand how I feel and open up about how he's feeling too in a planned calm discussion in person. He's the one for me š
He reassured me and cuddled me whilst saying that he's sorry if he did make me feel like he used me for releasing his stress through sex but that he would never do that to me and he literally can't have sex whilst he's stressed either.
I also showed up to his place with a twin pack of fresh bacon and 2 of his favourite chocolate bars that I bought for him š as a sign that I'm serious about buying groceries for him and that I care about his troubles. He hugged me and really appreciated it š
Posted by DMV
Youāre also coming across a bit codependent. You asked a complete stranger how they think you should nurture yourself?
You know You best.
Have you never nurtured yourself? Paid attention to yourself.
What do YOU like?!
Yeah, I've had to spent a very long time already working on my codependency issues. It's because I come from an abusive upbringing by my narcissist mother. I just haven't known any better. Been working on my issues since 2020 actually, but obviously have a lot of self work to do on this still even though I know I've improved a lot since 2020.
And I just wanted suggestions about self nurturing so I could point my mind in the right direction. I wasn't asking specifically to cater to me. Nothing wrong with asking for general suggestions on how they like to do it.
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounderNo problem šPosted by MyStarsShineExactly, thank you. Expressing emotions is very much important for a relationship and human to be healthy.Posted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
Then he may as well start batting for the other side
Women not being emotional is like asking a baby not to cry ā¦. Sheās a right to feel and express her emotions otherwise sheās with the wrong bloke ā¦
This world seriously needs to heal and allow themselves to embrace and express our emotions more. Tuning into our Divine feminine by honouring our own emotions without mocking or putting each other down for it.
I'm glad my Scorpio man hasn't gone and told me to shut up like some guys here have when I've opened up to him about my feelings on this. I know I'm with the right man. We're just going through a rough spot.
click to expand
My ex couldnāt tolerate my emotions, one reason we parted. He subsequently went onto date lots of women and now being single realizes he isnāt compatible with them lol. Iām not sure why men think they can have women for sex but not have the thing we most need ā¦. emotional connection.
Itās good your man listens to you, itās a great quality in a man. Hopefully youāll work it out.
The men who most accepted my emotions were all water moons ~ 2 Scorpio one Pisces moon.
Ha and that's on karma slapping him in the face for leaving you. The more you avoid emotional vulnerability and expression, the more you'll have to jump around in love because no woman wants to be used only for sex with no deep emotional connection, piss off lol
Everything is a projection of our inner wounds until we fix it.
That's what I'm saying. This world really needs to heal that Divine feminine we all have within us. So many of us have mother and father wounds which is why we shunned getting deep and emotional because it's too painful or heavy but that gentle work on self is so needed. We all deserve that space to safely express our emotions in a healthy and progressive way.
Haha checks out then. My man is a Scorpio Moon and I'm a Pisces Moon. That's why we've been able to have these discussions where we can emotionally understand each other better.
There's our answer. We must all go for Water Moon people in order to have someone who is happy to hear us out emotionally š
click to expand
Heās a Virgo man with Aqua moon ~ what did I expect ~ a miracle ? š
Our moons are squared hence the conflict š«Ø
Thankfully we are still very good friends and heās still having issues connecting with womenā¦click to expand
Tell him to go homo and never come back, jk š
Posted by alexscariesPosted by Walk_on_byPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
I agree that I need to be there for him more sympathetically. But ignoring talking about emotions is really bad as well. Suppressing emotions and feeling like you can't talk to your partner about when you're feeling bad is what can kill a relationship also, in my opinion.
Ignoring and avoiding emotions like that is exactly what's caused today's generational problem of mental health.
The "just deal with it and swallow it down" mentality of boomers never worked, because humans feel shit, we need to talk about it. My generation are changing that.
click to expand
Every generation blames the previous one. Be realistic boomers aren't the reason you can't get a mortgage it's IMF and people like JP Morgan not to mention the estate agents who artificially inflated prices for a big cut.
If I'm with a sexy girl last thing I want to talk about is feelings. Not fun and not sexy. Save it for your girlfriends. Trust me what you're going through isn't even a bad patch compared to most people. Why not say you want a cuddle and a bit of attention. Women say how bad men are at communicating, but you expect us to know everything.
click to expand
Yeah, human women don't work that way. Nor do serious emotionally deep relationships work that way. If you want a "sexy" woman who doesn't talk about emotions, swallows hers down and is like a sex robot for you, then I hope you already have a sex doll and aren't hurting an actual real woman in real life. Or hire an escort/hooker for a real feel down there, but even then they're real women.
Humans have emotions. And women are the more emotional counterpart. Come to terms with that.
click to expand
Dog whistle innuendo is beneath you.
I do all the regular man/woman stuff everyone else does including having deep and emotional conversations, not that I need to justify my existence. Oddly enough I don't seem to attract histrionic women. I can have a serious chat, but most have real problems; like one who was raped by her stepfather. She had therapy and got on with her life. That's why I am so critical of things like this because it is fuck all in comparison. I only have relationships with sexy women, why would I not?
I think you have created an imaginary problem because you don't feel worthy; it's called self-sabotage. The problem is he isn't co-dependant and can live without you.
Bringing up someone being raped by their stepfather is a weird way to dismiss another persons situation, completely fucking irrelevant actually.
click to expand
It's horrible especially someone in that position of trust. A situation that she didn't have control over. With this situation it's straight forward he's even said he wants to concentrate on work and wants space, so why create a problem which isn't there? People don't fit an idealised mould and people realise it sooner or later then they need to adapt. Irrelevant or not it's an example and I'm just so bloody sick of people moaning about minor stuff, when there's people going through hell who find ways of coping. I know it's extreme, but it was the closest contrast I could think of.click to expand
Right, but you don't know what I've been through in life. I come from an abusive upbringing with a narcissist mother to start with. Which is why I even have codependent issues in the first place.
You seem to think humans are one dimensional and only have one problem in life and that's it. Or one big problem and that's that.
Life is not like that. Humans are multidimensional with many problems and strengths. We will go through life facing both big AND small problems that are VALID to feel the same emotions over. I can be both upset at big and small problems.
I will not dismiss my feelings and problems here just because someone's friend got killed last week, for example. Everyone, and I mean, everyone is going through something whether it's big or small. Even the wealthy and healthy. I don't know a single person in my life who doesn't have an issue.
If you knew all the trauma I've had to heal from. You think that girl you mentioned was the only woman who got raped? You're talking to another survivor right now.
Like I said, you don't know jack shit about me.
I'm a sensitive and emotional woman, yeah. And I'll own that shit, loud and proud. But I'm not gonna dismiss how I fucking feel just because other people are suffering. My suffering is still suffering. It may be small to you, but it sure as hell doesn't feel small to me. Perspective.
I don't feel good and that's the truth. Just like my boyfriend. We're both valid. Actually, he was telling me he's been feeling more optimistic today because of the work he's been finding to do.
Anyway, we've had our calm discussion in person now. And I do feel better about the situation. Thankfully, I do have a good and emotionally understanding man. We both got to talk about how we feel from our sides and sympathise with the other person better.
Posted by LaGenereuzPosted by allrounder
I'm literally crying as I type this. But I'd appreciate your guys' opinions on this matter.
So my Scorpio sun, Capricorn rising bf has been really focused on his work and money at the moment because he says he's struggling to afford rent and bills next month. He's a University/college student.
And I've made it very clear that I understand and keep telling him if he needs help buying essential groceries, I am more than happy to buy it and take it to his place.
But his focus on work and finding ways to make money has been eating into our "us time" as a couple as well. I went over to his place last Wednesday and he spent half of the time on the laptop, focusing on his work. And I just laid on his bed watching his TV. Waiting to properly bond and be intimate with each other. But I felt like in that moment, there was a wall in between us. Like we weren't even in the same room.
Even though it was only a few days ago since we hung out in person, I didn't really feel like I emotionally connected with him. I've been feeling emotionally unfulfilled and alone. The fact I even said "hung out", should tell you, I feel like we've not emotionally spent quality time together recently.
He says his priority is work and money right now. And I told him I understand. But he's acting like he's single. Even if he's cuddling me, I'm initiating it. He's there physically, but not emotionally. I appreciate that he still makes time to talk to me through text but it's not enough.
Because I keep thinking "where's the balance? Where is the time for 'us'?"
I think both of our issues are valid, so I'd appreciate your thoughts and solutions on how to work through this and if you've been through something similar ā”
He's working his ass off, he hasn't figured out his life yet to just relax and connect with you, he needs stability for that, and he doesn't need your help, that's humiliating in my opinion, why are you trying to baby him?
At least he's not sitting on his ass doing nth all day.
click to expand
Yikes. You have insecurities to work through if you think helping people is babying them and humiliating. I knew a girl like you actually. She thought me just helping correcting her spelling was humiliating but all I did was bring it up casually without announcing it to the room or anything. She had jealousy issues with me though so that's different.
Regardless, I don't see how that's humiliating. It's literally healthy in a romantic relationship to help and support each other through things in life lmao
Posted by DMV
You keep lying to him and yourself when you say, āi understand.ā
You DONT understand and you donāt care to understand. And now youāre stressed because youāre not being truthful.
Now you gonna look crazy because youāre going to tell him the truth finally and heāll think youāre bi polar or something.
Heās already told you the deal.
This comment is hilarious. Thank god my man is emotionally understanding and compassionate fr. None of what you said happened in our discussion today š we had a very sweet day and gently discussed things.
It's fine if you guys don't think I'm coming from a place of understanding. You don't feel what I'm feeling. But I know I'm genuine and he knows it too. We've patched things over and I don't feel bad anymore.
Posted by FindingbalancePosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesYeah, human women don't work that way. Nor do serious emotionally deep relationships work that way. If you want a "sexy" woman who doesn't talk about emotions, swallows hers down and is like a sex robot for you, then I hope you already have a sex doll and aren't hurting an actual real woman in real life. Or hire an escort/hooker for a real feel down there, but even then they're real women.Posted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
I agree that I need to be there for him more sympathetically. But ignoring talking about emotions is really bad as well. Suppressing emotions and feeling like you can't talk to your partner about when you're feeling bad is what can kill a relationship also, in my opinion.
Ignoring and avoiding emotions like that is exactly what's caused today's generational problem of mental health.
The "just deal with it and swallow it down" mentality of boomers never worked, because humans feel shit, we need to talk about it. My generation are changing that.
click to expand
Every generation blames the previous one. Be realistic boomers aren't the reason you can't get a mortgage it's IMF and people like JP Morgan not to mention the estate agents who artificially inflated prices for a big cut.
If I'm with a sexy girl last thing I want to talk about is feelings. Not fun and not sexy. Save it for your girlfriends. Trust me what you're going through isn't even a bad patch compared to most people. Why not say you want a cuddle and a bit of attention. Women say how bad men are at communicating, but you expect us to know everything.
click to expand
Humans have emotions. And women are the more emotional counterpart. Come to terms with that.
click to expand
Yo, don't lump us all together.
He's not saying not to have emotions. Hes saying you can have emotions but that you might need to set them aside and support your scorpio in this case. Acknowledge your emotions, then understand HE needs support and you might not realize what you see as a perfect balance in the relationship right now. Contrary to my sn life doesn't balance all the time. The scales might tip towards him now and back to you later. You can have emotions, but it doesn't mean they have priority all the time. You might need to get over feeling like a sex doll and realize he's giving what he can. See it from his side, have real empathy not the fluff kind people talk about without understanding.click to expand
I'm not gonna push my emotions aside, but yes, I will support him through this without constantly shoving my emotional needs in his face. I see what you're saying.
I just wanted to feel secure that he still cared about me and wasn't completely casting me aside and neglecting me. And our discussion today secured that for me. He helped me feel that. We both got to gently discuss and listen to how we both felt and sympathise with the other person. It was a beautiful and sweet day. I know he's an emotionally understanding person, unlike some people here. So I wasn't worried about some of the crazy stories you guys were making up in here lol
Now I feel more confident in prioritising myself more and filling that cup myself. Of course, you guys did also help remind me that this is what the root cause of my feelings were though so I appreciate everybody for bringing that to light so I could bring it up with him today.
Posted by Timone
He told you his priorities are work and money and you told him you understand but I don't think you really do?
I don't think he's a workaholic because he wants to. He's just trying to survive and tbh if I was in his situation and had a partner coming to me with demands at that time when I was trying to get by that would just add to my stress. Try to be a little empathetic because you're making it about you now instead of what he's going through. He might end up losing his home if he doesn't pay his bills.
It's a big difference if he's working a lot just to have a lot of extra money then working a lot because you might end up homeless otherwise.
I think you have to decide if you want to support him and be there for him during these times and accept that he might be distracted in his mind and not always be there with you emotionally if you see that it's temporary because of his situation or you can choose to leave.
Definitely, this was a great reminder that this situation will only be temporary. And an ultimatum on essentially where I wanted to stand. Whether it was to fully just be there to support him whenever he needed it, or to up and leave ship. But I'm not a person who easily gives up at all. So of course, I'm staying. But it was a really great reminder that this obstacle is just temporary like everything else anyway, so I have nothing to worry about š¤
Heck I love him, he literally intentionally carved out today to just be about us. And we managed to gently discuss everything from both of our sides and sympathise with the other person. We both apologised for upsets we've caused. And he didn't work one single bit whilst I was there and kept to his word about that. Cause now that we've secured this, I don't feel as emotionally insecure about it anymore and can confidently focus on prioritising nurturing myself š¤
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by Walk_on_byPosted by alexscariesBringing up someone being raped by their stepfather is a weird way to dismiss another persons situation, completely fucking irrelevant actually.Posted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
I agree that I need to be there for him more sympathetically. But ignoring talking about emotions is really bad as well. Suppressing emotions and feeling like you can't talk to your partner about when you're feeling bad is what can kill a relationship also, in my opinion.
Ignoring and avoiding emotions like that is exactly what's caused today's generational problem of mental health.
The "just deal with it and swallow it down" mentality of boomers never worked, because humans feel shit, we need to talk about it. My generation are changing that.
click to expand
Every generation blames the previous one. Be realistic boomers aren't the reason you can't get a mortgage it's IMF and people like JP Morgan not to mention the estate agents who artificially inflated prices for a big cut.
If I'm with a sexy girl last thing I want to talk about is feelings. Not fun and not sexy. Save it for your girlfriends. Trust me what you're going through isn't even a bad patch compared to most people. Why not say you want a cuddle and a bit of attention. Women say how bad men are at communicating, but you expect us to know everything.
click to expand
Yeah, human women don't work that way. Nor do serious emotionally deep relationships work that way. If you want a "sexy" woman who doesn't talk about emotions, swallows hers down and is like a sex robot for you, then I hope you already have a sex doll and aren't hurting an actual real woman in real life. Or hire an escort/hooker for a real feel down there, but even then they're real women.
Humans have emotions. And women are the more emotional counterpart. Come to terms with that.
click to expand
Dog whistle innuendo is beneath you.
I do all the regular man/woman stuff everyone else does including having deep and emotional conversations, not that I need to justify my existence. Oddly enough I don't seem to attract histrionic women. I can have a serious chat, but most have real problems; like one who was raped by her stepfather. She had therapy and got on with her life. That's why I am so critical of things like this because it is fuck all in comparison. I only have relationships with sexy women, why would I not?
I think you have created an imaginary problem because you don't feel worthy; it's called self-sabotage. The problem is he isn't co-dependant and can live without you.
click to expand
It's horrible especially someone in that position of trust. A situation that she didn't have control over. With this situation it's straight forward he's even said he wants to concentrate on work and wants space, so why create a problem which isn't there? People don't fit an idealised mould and people realise it sooner or later then they need to adapt. Irrelevant or not it's an example and I'm just so bloody sick of people moaning about minor stuff, when there's people going through hell who find ways of coping. I know it's extreme, but it was the closest contrast I could think of.
click to expand
But there is a problem for her ā¦. Sheās worried about the state of her relationship. Itās nobodyās place to minimize that.
click to expand
Exactly, thank you. Just because it doesn't sound like a problem to them doesn't mean it isn't a problem for me. Just like how it doesn't feel small to me, like how it does to them.
Posted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
If it helps you feel any better as a fellow Gen Z myself, at least boomers literally feel confused and intimidated by how a lot of us are managing to make 6 figures to millions from doing entrepreneurial ventures such online selling, social media influencing, posting videos, streaming etc.
Most boomers will never be able to understand this. Heck, there's a meme going around of boomers getting wide eyed scared about why a card machine is telling them to remove their card š they're literally terrified of how fast the tech world is moving in this day and age because it's so abnormal to them and how they grew up.
Both generations have something the other doesn't.
Posted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by Walk_on_byPosted by alexscariesBringing up someone being raped by their stepfather is a weird way to dismiss another persons situation, completely fucking irrelevant actually.Posted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
I agree that I need to be there for him more sympathetically. But ignoring talking about emotions is really bad as well. Suppressing emotions and feeling like you can't talk to your partner about when you're feeling bad is what can kill a relationship also, in my opinion.
Ignoring and avoiding emotions like that is exactly what's caused today's generational problem of mental health.
The "just deal with it and swallow it down" mentality of boomers never worked, because humans feel shit, we need to talk about it. My generation are changing that.
click to expand
Every generation blames the previous one. Be realistic boomers aren't the reason you can't get a mortgage it's IMF and people like JP Morgan not to mention the estate agents who artificially inflated prices for a big cut.
If I'm with a sexy girl last thing I want to talk about is feelings. Not fun and not sexy. Save it for your girlfriends. Trust me what you're going through isn't even a bad patch compared to most people. Why not say you want a cuddle and a bit of attention. Women say how bad men are at communicating, but you expect us to know everything.
click to expand
Yeah, human women don't work that way. Nor do serious emotionally deep relationships work that way. If you want a "sexy" woman who doesn't talk about emotions, swallows hers down and is like a sex robot for you, then I hope you already have a sex doll and aren't hurting an actual real woman in real life. Or hire an escort/hooker for a real feel down there, but even then they're real women.
Humans have emotions. And women are the more emotional counterpart. Come to terms with that.
click to expand
Dog whistle innuendo is beneath you.
I do all the regular man/woman stuff everyone else does including having deep and emotional conversations, not that I need to justify my existence. Oddly enough I don't seem to attract histrionic women. I can have a serious chat, but most have real problems; like one who was raped by her stepfather. She had therapy and got on with her life. That's why I am so critical of things like this because it is fuck all in comparison. I only have relationships with sexy women, why would I not?
I think you have created an imaginary problem because you don't feel worthy; it's called self-sabotage. The problem is he isn't co-dependant and can live without you.
click to expand
It's horrible especially someone in that position of trust. A situation that she didn't have control over. With this situation it's straight forward he's even said he wants to concentrate on work and wants space, so why create a problem which isn't there? People don't fit an idealised mould and people realise it sooner or later then they need to adapt. Irrelevant or not it's an example and I'm just so bloody sick of people moaning about minor stuff, when there's people going through hell who find ways of coping. I know it's extreme, but it was the closest contrast I could think of.
But there is a problem for her ā¦. Sheās worried about the state of her relationship. Itās nobodyās place to minimize that.
click to expand
It might not be fair and I will admit I've been harsh, but stuff like that is what pushes men away. It's not enough just to want affection. He might be a pisces moon, but he is a man first and foremost and if he feels like a therapist or big brother he won't stick around. This keep happening; people ask for advice and they get it, but it's not what they want to hear and they actually want someone to tell them they are right.
click to expand
I did want advice, with full knowledge I could get some opposing opinions. It's one thing to not tell someone what they want to hear, it's another to tell someone they're being essentially dumb and crybaby and to minimise and dismiss their suffering just because you have the opinion it's a small issue.
Yes, okay, you have the right to your opinion. But where's your empathy for the person expressing their issue and asking for advice anyway? Again, it may feel small to YOU, but the person posting their issue clearly opened up because it feels a lot to them and they want help. It's nicer to just share your compassion with them whilst calmly sharing your advice without getting all aggressive in their face. There's just no need to be aggressive or harsh when someone is already going through a lot.
It doesn't help if you're telling them to minimise what they're feeling. It just makes the feeling even stronger. Thought we'd know that by now. Suppressing our feelings only makes them more stronger and heavier.
He showed me a lot of affection today actually during our discussion and throughout the day. I did actually apologise to him if I made him feel like his therapist and said he didn't deserve to feel like my emotional venting pillow. And that's when he started to say "don't be sorry" and kept kissing me to shut me up every time I kept saying "but I am sorry" and saying he didn't deserve for me to treat him that way. And no, he didn't do that because he didn't want to hear more like you may think. It was a lighthearted joke.
He just didn't want me to be sorry for it. Because he also said "You can vent to me. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about these things. I want to listen". It's just that we both agreed that it shouldn't be too much venting. To have boundaries on that. Another thing I'm working on.
I've had this venting too much problem many times before with friends. So it's something I'm always working on. Eventually I'll be able to afford a therapist to actually talk through my problems with lol
Posted by poppyflowerPosted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShineHad the talk ā¤ļø everything that's been bothering us both has been patched up now. I knew my Scorpio Moon man would validate and understand how I feel and open up about how he's feeling too in a planned calm discussion in person. He's the one for me šPosted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
Then he may as well start batting for the other side
Women not being emotional is like asking a baby not to cry ā¦. Sheās a right to feel and express her emotions otherwise sheās with the wrong bloke ā¦
click to expand
Just to reiterate in case people don't understand why. He is presumably working hard and struggling financially and she expresses her concerns and feelings, fine and then she wants to do it again next time they meet.
Let's have a talk and I want to talk about feelings. Strike fear into men's hearts. On his day off he wants to have fun with a sexy girl not listen to a speech.
click to expand
Sure he does ~ sexy fun time please
But that isnāt how things happen in relationshipsā¦like when I meet friends and look forward to a laugh and theyāre going through a difficult time, I listen to them and let them vent. You canāt programme people to be what you want them to be (hence the surge in robot sex dollsā¦.(.āsheās so compliant, happy and a sexy fun girlā)ā¦
Day off and fun with a sexy girl guaranteed - go get a hooker (who will pretend to be happy, ālove you a long timeā)
Sharing emotions doesnāt equate to listening to a speech
Wow
Men and >>>>> women hey? š«Ø
click to expand
That's what I'm saying. It's the fact my Scorp guy has spent half his day on his work then come to me and had sex with me when all I wanted was to emotionally bond with him.
It's the "get home from work, and release my stress by fucking my partner without putting intimate love into it" mentality I hate with a fiery fucking passion.
And I've been feeling that way with the way he's been having sex with me at the moment. I'm sure it's not his intentions, or maybe he doesn't know that and will get a wake up call when he realises I'm feeling used for sex to release his stress from work and life.
He's not usually like this in sex. I've felt and seen him when he genuinely romantically bonds with me during sex. It doesn't feel like "fuck", it feels like making love. I know the guys here will moan and groan at that, because they probably don't have a Water moon or romantic Venus, but that's how me and my man are.
He's literally expressed his entire heart to me verbally whilst having sex before, not just once either. I literally let out tears because of it lol
So I know how he is right now isn't his relaxed and normal self. It's his stress. And it's making me feel used for sex. And the fact I feel emotionally neglected. But I realise I'll need to work on giving myself the love I feel I'm missing too.
click to expand
Men and women - Totally different mind set
Think I pretty much nailed it excuse the pun š
click to expand
He reassured me and cuddled me whilst saying that he's sorry if he did make me feel like he used me for releasing his stress through sex but that he would never do that to me and he literally can't have sex whilst he's stressed either.
I also showed up to his place with a twin pack of fresh bacon and 2 of his favourite chocolate bars that I bought for him š as a sign that I'm serious about buying groceries for him and that I care about his troubles. He hugged me and really appreciated it
click to expand
Yay š
PS - He's Scorp Moon?click to expand
Thank you š yuup. Something interesting you know about Scorp moons? It does pair well with my Pisces Moon. Pretty sure that's why our discussions are able to go so well š he does have an interesting birth chart.
Us workaholics will never have a healthy work-life balance unless we decide on it. Romantic relationships come in second to us so you're setting yourself up for failure and pain if you continue to "understand" that your man has goals. Of course, he also sounds selfish keeping you despite being aware that you are not his top priority.
Posted by allrounderPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShineI think that's what it is. This is the opportunity for me to go off and learn how to have more of my own damn fun!Posted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounder
I'm literally crying as I type this. But I'd appreciate your guys' opinions on this matter.
So my Scorpio sun, Capricorn rising bf has been really focused on his work and money at the moment because he says he's struggling to afford rent and bills next month. He's a University/college student.
And I've made it very clear that I understand and keep telling him if he needs help buying essential groceries, I am more than happy to buy it and take it to his place.
But his focus on work and finding ways to make money has been eating into our "us time" as a couple as well. I went over to his place last Wednesday and he spent half of the time on the laptop, focusing on his work. And I just laid on his bed watching his TV. Waiting to properly bond and be intimate with each other. But I felt like in that moment, there was a wall in between us. Like we weren't even in the same room.
Even though it was only a few days ago since we hung out in person, I didn't really feel like I emotionally connected with him. I've been feeling emotionally unfulfilled and alone. The fact I even said "hung out", should tell you, I feel like we've not emotionally spent quality time together recently.
He says his priority is work and money right now. And I told him I understand. But he's acting like he's single. Even if he's cuddling me, I'm initiating it. He's there physically, but not emotionally. I appreciate that he still makes time to talk to me through text but it's not enough.
Because I keep thinking "where's the balance? Where is the time for 'us'?"
I think both of our issues are valid, so I'd appreciate your thoughts and solutions on how to work through this and if you've been through something similar ā”
I was married to a Virgo workaholic. Weāve lived separately for many years ā¦.
Heās still a workaholicā¦.
No change.
Lol I'm Virgo, but with ADHD, I am either hyperfocus or scattered focus. I'm not a workaholic though. I know when to take a break and relax.
Did you ever try to communicate this issue to your Virgo man in the past? I'm just wondering how to do this with my Scorpio man without coming across insensitive, whilst honouring my own feelings too.
click to expand
Yes all the time
But work is his thing and not so much relationships so how I stayed for so long is beyond me, except weād a child together.
You canāt change what people are and do ā¦ either accept or donāt, I thinkā¦
Go live your life and have some funā¦
click to expand
click to expand
Call it not being dependent on him. He is part of your life. Your life doesn't revolve around him.
Hobbies and goals that can include him but not dependent on him. When this situation is over shift gears and adjust by adding more activities together when the opportunity comes up.
P.S I get how you feel. Wanting that intimacy and connect. It may even feel like refilling your tank and reaffirm your bound & relationship.
Thank you for understanding how I feel ā¤ļø I guess my narcissist mother never giving me proper love and affection since childhood is what has caused me to be this way. "Seeking it from others to feel emotionally stable". But now you guys have brought it to my attention, I can really focus and work on it š
I think some people here have to realise people who act dependent like that didn't bring that up on their own. We've just had some really messed up parents who made us this way. Obviously, it's up to us to work on it or not. But I wish people remembered that more. In order to have empathy.
But you're also right that my hobbies and goals doesn't need to all be about me and him together. To prioritise my own for me.
click to expand
Yes to everything. I understand. Had similar issues for different reasons.
Single mom of 4 who worked multiple jobs to survive. Have some good memories tho.
There is one thing you need to reevaluate:
"We've just had some really messed up parents who made us this way."
They didn't make us this way. They had their own issues and problems. They are human too.
As children we absorbed and adapted to that in counter productive ways. Their is a spectrum of ways like a dice role. This is a biological mechanic of human evolution as social creatures. The good and bad.
Also, some people are fortunate enough to come into contact with better examples and role models.
You have realized all this early. Lol other generations didn't have access to this kind of stuff and keep passing on their shit to the next generation good and bad.
Consider yourself lucky.
Posted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
I regret turning this thread into a boomer argument lol but I feel the same about my parents choices. Though it's not really her fault she just made some bad timing and then bad luck happened. When I was very young lived in a country town with nice lakes that absolutely went off and because a millionaire resort town 2 years after we sold our huge lake front property there, bought with inheritance, because she had to go to the city and study to feed my little gremlin ass. What didn't help it is my dad being a lazy bleep and not wanting to work and provide to the measly 80k mortgage lol, it makes me fucking furious at him because I'm the age he was then and Id kill to have a family and a house to pay off, even at the prices they're at today, but then him and mum weren't super compatible. That house 2 years later was worth 500k, in like 2002.
Mum studied and did alright for herself, we moved into a decent house in the city. Fucken along came Dad again lmao, wanted to move into a bigger house and he was working hard again so we did. But then they bloody split up again and had to split the house, of which dad got more than his fare share out of it and mum ended up in a pretty scrubby house in a not great part of town. She wasn't in a great state of mind to be buying a house tbh. She renovated the house and made it into a pretty decent place but the trouble is down the road she got two rounds of cancer that fucked her financially, had to remortgage the house to get through the second round, says she was planning on dieing and spent too much money lmao. Then recent inflation meant she's had to sell up and move into a not as nice place in a new city where she doesn't have to pay so much mortgage, it'll be an inheritance for us one day but it sure ain't the 2 million dollar property on that lake front lol. That's just life, but I can't help being furious at my dad living with his new wealthy partner in her big house and he still moans about having to work fucken lol.
That's my life story anyway
Posted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by nanochipIf it helps you feel any better as a fellow Gen Z myself, at least boomers literally feel confused and intimidated by how a lot of us are managing to make 6 figures to millions from doing entrepreneurial ventures such online selling, social media influencing, posting videos, streaming etc.
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
Most boomers will never be able to understand this. Heck, there's a meme going around of boomers getting wide eyed scared about why a card machine is telling them to remove their card š they're literally terrified of how fast the tech world is moving in this day and age because it's so abnormal to them and how they grew up.
Both generations have something the other doesn't.
I know one boomer who teaches Python to Gen Z at college, I know another who works in the business side for a massive IT brand. Some get technology some don't, but I've met people who are gen x who struggle to use a computer because they never had one in their house growing up.
On the flipside I know someone who is 26 who is a builder and absolutely coining it. I think the social media bubble is bursting a bit with recycled content and also with people not being locked down there are less people watching it than in 2020.click to expand
You ain't just whistling dixie that gen x struggled to use a computer because they never had none in there house growing up. Amen! Now that is the truth right there. Computers weren't popular in those days like it is now. It took me forever to learn how to type. Never used it as a youngin. I know a scorpio dude who so happen to be a millennial and he's still behind on technology. Poor dude type with his right middle finger slow as a turtle one letter at a time. I get impatient with that slow typing so I types for him.
Posted by alexscariesPosted by Jumpin_JupiterPosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
If it helps you feel any better as a fellow Gen Z myself, at least boomers literally feel confused and intimidated by how a lot of us are managing to make 6 figures to millions from doing entrepreneurial ventures such online selling, social media influencing, posting videos, streaming etc.
Most boomers will never be able to understand this. Heck, there's a meme going around of boomers getting wide eyed scared about why a card machine is telling them to remove their card š they're literally terrified of how fast the tech world is moving in this day and age because it's so abnormal to them and how they grew up.
Both generations have something the other doesn't.
I know one boomer who teaches Python to Gen Z at college, I know another who works in the business side for a massive IT brand. Some get technology some don't, but I've met people who are gen x who struggle to use a computer because they never had one in their house growing up.
On the flipside I know someone who is 26 who is a builder and absolutely coining it. I think the social media bubble is bursting a bit with recycled content and also with people not being locked down there are less people watching it than in 2020.
You ain't just whistling dixie that gen x struggled to use a computer because they never had none in there house growing up. Amen! Now that is the truth right there. Computers weren't popular in those days like it is now. It took me forever to learn how to type. Never used it as a youngin. I know a scorpio dude who so happen to be a millennial and he's still behind on technology. Poor dude type with his right middle finger slow as a turtle one letter at a time. I get impatient with that slow typing so I types for him.
I'm not quite gen x, but I remember at primary school using a computer was a "treat" rather than an everyday activity. A lot of people thought it was a fad or even an inconvenience. People like the above mentioned who learned that stuff in the 80s have well paid jobs.
click to expand
I can remember when I was in what we used to call child development as just a mere baby I was happy using Elmer's glue and toy paint in class. It was like I hit the jackpot getting my hands on school glue and fake paint. Kids these days don't care about that stuff I used as a kid. I kinda think youngins in today's society is spoiled. They may have good paying jobs because their computer geniuses but they are far from being self made millionaires that are followers and probably will be followers for the rest of their life. And by followers I mean working for someone instead of working for yourself or have your own business. Thats the main startup that can lead to becoming a self made millionaire.
Posted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounderMen and women - Totally different mind setPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
Then he may as well start batting for the other side
Women not being emotional is like asking a baby not to cry ā¦. Sheās a right to feel and express her emotions otherwise sheās with the wrong bloke ā¦
click to expand
Just to reiterate in case people don't understand why. He is presumably working hard and struggling financially and she expresses her concerns and feelings, fine and then she wants to do it again next time they meet.
Let's have a talk and I want to talk about feelings. Strike fear into men's hearts. On his day off he wants to have fun with a sexy girl not listen to a speech.
click to expand
Sure he does ~ sexy fun time please
But that isnāt how things happen in relationshipsā¦like when I meet friends and look forward to a laugh and theyāre going through a difficult time, I listen to them and let them vent. You canāt programme people to be what you want them to be (hence the surge in robot sex dollsā¦.(.āsheās so compliant, happy and a sexy fun girlā)ā¦
Day off and fun with a sexy girl guaranteed - go get a hooker (who will pretend to be happy, ālove you a long timeā)
Sharing emotions doesnāt equate to listening to a speech
Wow
Men and >>>>> women hey? š«Ø
click to expand
That's what I'm saying. It's the fact my Scorp guy has spent half his day on his work then come to me and had sex with me when all I wanted was to emotionally bond with him.
It's the "get home from work, and release my stress by fucking my partner without putting intimate love into it" mentality I hate with a fiery fucking passion.
And I've been feeling that way with the way he's been having sex with me at the moment. I'm sure it's not his intentions, or maybe he doesn't know that and will get a wake up call when he realises I'm feeling used for sex to release his stress from work and life.
He's not usually like this in sex. I've felt and seen him when he genuinely romantically bonds with me during sex. It doesn't feel like "fuck", it feels like making love. I know the guys here will moan and groan at that, because they probably don't have a Water moon or romantic Venus, but that's how me and my man are.
He's literally expressed his entire heart to me verbally whilst having sex before, not just once either. I literally let out tears because of it lol
So I know how he is right now isn't his relaxed and normal self. It's his stress. And it's making me feel used for sex. And the fact I feel emotionally neglected. But I realise I'll need to work on giving myself the love I feel I'm missing too.
click to expand
Think I pretty much nailed it excuse the pun š
click to expand
Had the talk ā¤ļø everything that's been bothering us both has been patched up now. I knew my Scorpio Moon man would validate and understand how I feel and open up about how he's feeling too in a planned calm discussion in person. He's the one for me š
He reassured me and cuddled me whilst saying that he's sorry if he did make me feel like he used me for releasing his stress through sex but that he would never do that to me and he literally can't have sex whilst he's stressed either.
I also showed up to his place with a twin pack of fresh bacon and 2 of his favourite chocolate bars that I bought for him š as a sign that I'm serious about buying groceries for him and that I care about his troubles. He hugged me and really appreciated itclick to expand
That is good to hear ā¤ļø
ā¦..so whilst heās so busy maybe you can take up some new interests that fill your time so he wonāt feel under pressure. Is there something youād love to do/study? Even reading books is very absorbing š
Posted by alexscariesPosted by Jumpin_JupiterPosted by alexscariesPosted by Jumpin_JupiterPosted by alexscariesYou ain't just whistling dixie that gen x struggled to use a computer because they never had none in there house growing up. Amen! Now that is the truth right there. Computers weren't popular in those days like it is now. It took me forever to learn how to type. Never used it as a youngin. I know a scorpio dude who so happen to be a millennial and he's still behind on technology. Poor dude type with his right middle finger slow as a turtle one letter at a time. I get impatient with that slow typing so I types for him.Posted by allrounderPosted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
If it helps you feel any better as a fellow Gen Z myself, at least boomers literally feel confused and intimidated by how a lot of us are managing to make 6 figures to millions from doing entrepreneurial ventures such online selling, social media influencing, posting videos, streaming etc.
Most boomers will never be able to understand this. Heck, there's a meme going around of boomers getting wide eyed scared about why a card machine is telling them to remove their card š they're literally terrified of how fast the tech world is moving in this day and age because it's so abnormal to them and how they grew up.
Both generations have something the other doesn't.
I know one boomer who teaches Python to Gen Z at college, I know another who works in the business side for a massive IT brand. Some get technology some don't, but I've met people who are gen x who struggle to use a computer because they never had one in their house growing up.
On the flipside I know someone who is 26 who is a builder and absolutely coining it. I think the social media bubble is bursting a bit with recycled content and also with people not being locked down there are less people watching it than in 2020.
I'm not quite gen x, but I remember at primary school using a computer was a "treat" rather than an everyday activity. A lot of people thought it was a fad or even an inconvenience. People like the above mentioned who learned that stuff in the 80s have well paid jobs.
I can remember when I was in what we used to call child development as just a mere baby I was happy using Elmer's glue and toy paint in class. It was like I hit the jackpot getting my hands on school glue and fake paint. Kids these days don't care about that stuff I used as a kid. I kinda think youngins in today's society is spoiled. They may have good paying jobs because their computer geniuses but they are far from being self made millionaires that are followers and probably will be followers for the rest of their life. And by followers I mean working for someone instead of working for yourself or have your own business. Thats the main startup that can lead to becoming a self made millionaire.
I agree. All the people I've mentioned are financially stable though. People like Julian Thywell, James Dyson, Elon Musk are few every generation and how much psychopathy plays a part is debatable.
I've said to people before it's staggering we used to rent tapes from Blockbuster and three films were the cost of Netflix, only being able to hear a song on the radio unless someone owned the album or even just how expensive videogames were I never owned an N64, but I'm sure Lylat Wars was something like 70 bucks. Now you can get grade a games for free on Epic.click to expand
I had N64 when it first came out. It was fun while it lasted. I never heard of lylat wars. And those game cartridges weren't that much back then. But it probably would be about 70 bucks or more in today's dollars. And yeah I know what you mean about renting tapes from blockbusters. I only used to order nudes tapes from blockbusters. Anything else I by pass them.
Dangit I gotta go now. I done forgot what this threads all about now. I done let myself get off track.
Posted by Walk_on_byPosted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
I regret turning this thread into a boomer argument lol but I feel the same about my parents choices. Though it's not really her fault she just made some bad timing and then bad luck happened. When I was very young lived in a country town with nice lakes that absolutely went off and because a millionaire resort town 2 years after we sold our huge lake front property there, bought with inheritance, because she had to go to the city and study to feed my little gremlin ass. What didn't help it is my dad being a lazy bleep and not wanting to work and provide to the measly 80k mortgage lol, it makes me fucking furious at him because I'm the age he was then and Id kill to have a family and a house to pay off, even at the prices they're at today, but then him and mum weren't super compatible. That house 2 years later was worth 500k, in like 2002.
Mum studied and did alright for herself, we moved into a decent house in the city. Fucken along came Dad again lmao, wanted to move into a bigger house and he was working hard again so we did. But then they bloody split up again and had to split the house, of which dad got more than his fare share out of it and mum ended up in a pretty scrubby house in a not great part of town. She wasn't in a great state of mind to be buying a house tbh. She renovated the house and made it into a pretty decent place but the trouble is down the road she got two rounds of cancer that fucked her financially, had to remortgage the house to get through the second round, says she was planning on dieing and spent too much money lmao. Then recent inflation meant she's had to sell up and move into a not as nice place in a new city where she doesn't have to pay so much mortgage, it'll be an inheritance for us one day but it sure ain't the 2 million dollar property on that lake front lol. That's just life, but I can't help being furious at my dad living with his new wealthy partner in her big house and he still moans about having to work fucken lol.
That's my life story anywayclick to expand
Yea, Iām sorry to hear that. It sounds like there was quite a bit of bad luck in addition to maybe some not great relationship choices. Iāve watched my dad move in and out of houses that have tripled in worth, but his problem is that he marries women, buys a house that both of their income is needed, and then he canāt help but cheat so it ends, sell the house and start over with someone else in a few years. Like does he really think with each marriage, he will suddenly be faithful and it will end differently? 7 times now. Heās done this my entire life. He only gets maybe 1 year of equity and then ends up breaking even when he sells it, if heās lucky, thatās how fast this whole process goes for him lol. Unfortunately in those situations and it sounds like your moms, Iāve watched the woman get screwed over each time. I think my dad convinces them to leave their name off the mortgage, car, etc. Anything to protect himself and have an advantage when it inevitably goes south. I learned from these mistakes and over my dead body would I never not have my name on a mortgage, car, anything that I was paying into. Iāve been taking notes all these years of what not to do, basically.
Heās just put his most recent house he bought last fall on sale this past weekend š sometimes Iām angry because this was my 1 example growing up. I didnāt get to learn about finances or career or opportunity. I was taught just get married and be kept, but how has that worked for all his wivesā Now Iām having to go back and re-learn basic finance stuff in my mid thirties. 401k. Roth IRA. Equity. Investing. Retirement in general. Thereās so much to learn and Iām so behind but I am lucky to have some good mentors at work willing to teach me. I am willing to do just about anything to not end up like him
Damn tho. The lake house thingā¦... Do you ever look it up on Zillow (or whatever the NZ real estate site is) and picture yourself living another life? I hope that you and I will have the foresight to not repeat similar mistakes if we are given opportunities. Every bad decision Iāve witnessed growing up goes back to a relationship, so Iām super cautious about it.
Posted by allrounderPosted by nanochip
This thread is triggering me because I realized that Iāll never get to benefit from the boomerās financial luck/prowess/whatever you want to call it. My dad is a boomer, but heās a colossal fuck-up of one. Horribly financially incompetent, clueless, and loves to make the same mistakes over and over and over. Going into a fresh mortgage at 62 years old, and then selling it 6 mos later to rent the rest of his life, which was the result of getting married 6x. Soon it will be 7 LOL.
Imagine being millennial/Gen z and not being able to actively participate in the impending biggest cash, asset, and property transfer in the history of the world, after the shit world that was left for us. A chance to even have the smallest taste of opportunity which was never afforded us. It stings, it stings real bad
If it helps you feel any better as a fellow Gen Z myself, at least boomers literally feel confused and intimidated by how a lot of us are managing to make 6 figures to millions from doing entrepreneurial ventures such online selling, social media influencing, posting videos, streaming etc.
Most boomers will never be able to understand this. Heck, there's a meme going around of boomers getting wide eyed scared about why a card machine is telling them to remove their card š they're literally terrified of how fast the tech world is moving in this day and age because it's so abnormal to them and how they grew up.
Both generations have something the other doesn't.click to expand
Yea honestly, as a millennial, I give Gen z a lot of shit about tik tok brain rot but there is no denying that there is a very savvy and entrepreneurial generation here. Millennials and Gen z I feel like are pretty similar though and I still have hope that things are going to change for the better in the next 10-20 years. Itās going to be a weird time for this world as the boomers pass away. I have hope a lot of their outdated principles and corrupt ways will die out with them. Our generations will find new ways to corrupt things though, because thatās life. The younger generations just seem to inherently disagree with so many perspectives boomers have so change is imminent
@allrounder
I saw your *go homo* comment š š¤£
To be fair, like you, heād a bad start in life
ā¦horrible cold mother Gemini/Aqua š„¶ (imagine Aqua moon Mum and Son)
His father was domineering and made his life a misery ā¦ Libra/Leo.
I think heād all the love knocked out of him and as he said I was *big love*~the total opposite to them. Maybe it was too much ~ I
was too much? Either way, itās all good nowš
I saw your *go homo* comment š š¤£
To be fair, like you, heād a bad start in life
ā¦horrible cold mother Gemini/Aqua š„¶ (imagine Aqua moon Mum and Son)
His father was domineering and made his life a misery ā¦ Libra/Leo.
I think heād all the love knocked out of him and as he said I was *big love*~the total opposite to them. Maybe it was too much ~ I
was too much? Either way, itās all good nowš
Posted by MyStarsShine
ā¦..so whilst heās so busy maybe you can take up some new interests that fill your time so he wonāt feel under pressure. Is there something youād love to do/study? Even reading books is very absorbing š
Yeah, there's a bunch of hobbies and interests I'd like to take up. Only issue is my ADHD so motivation can fluctuate very regularly. But I definitely feel fired up now to start! I've just bought 3 colouring books for starters, gonna spend my time with that š and I'm focusing on building up my career and creating my pet care website.
I've come back into reading, after 8 years of not reading. But it does take me a few hours to read a few pages properly because of my ADHD too, but hey, that's still progress after 8 years of none!
Thank you for your support throughout all of this btw and seeing the issue from both mine and my partner's side.
Posted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShine
ā¦..so whilst heās so busy maybe you can take up some new interests that fill your time so he wonāt feel under pressure. Is there something youād love to do/study? Even reading books is very absorbing š
Yeah, there's a bunch of hobbies and interests I'd like to take up. Only issue is my ADHD so motivation can fluctuate very regularly. But I definitely feel fired up now to start! I've just bought 3 colouring books for starters, gonna spend my time with that š and I'm focusing on building up my career and creating my pet care website.
I've come back into reading, after 8 years of not reading. But it does take me a few hours to read a few pages properly because of my ADHD too, but hey, that's still progress after 8 years of none!
Thank you for your support throughout all of this btw and seeing the issue from both mine and my partner's side.click to expand
Thatās good ā¦.. keep up the reading, itās so good for us and the colouring too
And youāre welcome to the support. Iāve learned with the passage of time to try and look at both sidesā¦. Two stories etc
Posted by allrounderPosted by Rimzy
The person youāre seeing is struggling financially, and is worried about how theyāre going to make ends meet in the coming months. That is stressful.
Adding a partner who is needy is probably additionally stressful because while youāre focused on fulfilling your emotional needs, heās worried about sustaining any form of life style .
Astrology side, your partner is experiencing stress. Your emotional needs are important but not right at this moment, and your mental health needs are not as important as his own needs right now for a good reason. I wouldnāt push to increase stress right now.
Your emotional needs shouldnāt be met by a relationship as well, thatās a self exploration and maturity level issue that youāll need to explore further as you get older.
I mean, emotional needs should still be fulfilled by how a partner is treating you. But yes, not completely depended on them. I've been reminded of that now.
But for example, I still want a partner to make me feel loved by them. I think that's supposed to be part of a healthy foundation in a romantic relationship. So partners should still naturally fulfill your emotional needs in a relationship in some way. But again, not dependent on it. I think that's the point you're making too, right?
Coming from a narcissistic abusive upbringing by my mother, I think it's one of my lessons to learn through life. My emotional maturity and need to nurture myself ā¤ļøclick to expand
Growing up with narcissistic parents is a battle within itself, something Iām also healing from.
When youāre raised with a narcissist parent you attach your needs to an external force you perceive is more powerful than yours. Believing internally that your emotions need to constantly read the room, people, minor expressions and you evaluate these constantlyā¦creating dread and anxiety off of minor shifts in any person. This constant feed of anxiety creates tension and stress and induces conflict from nothing.
How it feels to have a partner who does this, from the other view is never being able to express anything because it will set off your hyper sensitive partner and internally you compress all emotions so youāre not triggering that fight or flight response. They internalize their emotions to not rock the boat because theyāve seen how unsafe it gets when they do express.
How Iāve worked on this in therapy:
Not all emotions need to be expressed, and I evaluate how I came to that emotion, what ways my partner triggered my emotions, who is effected around me by this trigger, where I feel like the situation will evolve to if I react and how can I reduce conflict while still expressing myself.
I express myself simply and to the point. Iāll explain what part of their behaviour I picked up on, how I have grown up reacting to these types of emotional changes and how it effects me and then we discuss what their emotions are and that they deserve to be validated without my own trauma taking attention away from their struggle currently.
Partners need to be able to reassure one another during stressful times that there is nothing wrong and love is still present.
In the end, youāre teaching your internal love and self respect deserves a moment to be heard without triggering your partner and they also deserve the same respect to process their issues without you being triggered into a verbal confrontation for making a change that upsets you. Itās a hard balance.
Itās going to take constant work to work on your emotional reactions to change due to having a narcissist parent, your sense of conflict is hyper destructive even when you feel entirely safe. This is why self awareness and love is essential to healing this.
Posted by RimzyPosted by allrounderPosted by Rimzy
The person youāre seeing is struggling financially, and is worried about how theyāre going to make ends meet in the coming months. That is stressful.
Adding a partner who is needy is probably additionally stressful because while youāre focused on fulfilling your emotional needs, heās worried about sustaining any form of life style .
Astrology side, your partner is experiencing stress. Your emotional needs are important but not right at this moment, and your mental health needs are not as important as his own needs right now for a good reason. I wouldnāt push to increase stress right now.
Your emotional needs shouldnāt be met by a relationship as well, thatās a self exploration and maturity level issue that youāll need to explore further as you get older.
I mean, emotional needs should still be fulfilled by how a partner is treating you. But yes, not completely depended on them. I've been reminded of that now.
But for example, I still want a partner to make me feel loved by them. I think that's supposed to be part of a healthy foundation in a romantic relationship. So partners should still naturally fulfill your emotional needs in a relationship in some way. But again, not dependent on it. I think that's the point you're making too, right?
Coming from a narcissistic abusive upbringing by my mother, I think it's one of my lessons to learn through life. My emotional maturity and need to nurture myself ā¤ļø
Growing up with narcissistic parents is a battle within itself, something Iām also healing from.
When youāre raised with a narcissist parent you attach your needs to an external force you perceive is more powerful than yours. Believing internally that your emotions need to constantly read the room, people, minor expressions and you evaluate these constantlyā¦creating dread and anxiety off of minor shifts in any person. This constant feed of anxiety creates tension and stress and induces conflict from nothing.
How it feels to have a partner who does this, from the other view is never being able to express anything because it will set off your hyper sensitive partner and internally you compress all emotions so youāre not triggering that fight or flight response. They internalize their emotions to not rock the boat because theyāve seen how unsafe it gets when they do express.
How Iāve worked on this in therapy:
Not all emotions need to be expressed, and I evaluate how I came to that emotion, what ways my partner triggered my emotions, who is effected around me by this trigger, where I feel like the situation will evolve to if I react and how can I reduce conflict while still expressing myself.
I express myself simply and to the point. Iāll explain what part of their behaviour I picked up on, how I have grown up reacting to these types of emotional changes and how it effects me and then we discuss what their emotions are and that they deserve to be validated without my own trauma taking attention away from their struggle currently.
Partners need to be able to reassure one another during stressful times that there is nothing wrong and love is still present.
In the end, youāre teaching your internal love and self respect deserves a moment to be heard without triggering your partner and they also deserve the same respect to process their issues without you being triggered into a verbal confrontation for making a change that upsets you. Itās a hard balance.
Itās going to take constant work to work on your emotional reactions to change due to having a narcissist parent, your sense of conflict is hyper destructive even when you feel entirely safe. This is why self awareness and love is essential to healing this.
click to expand
Thank you for all of your advice here. I feel really understood by you, since you relate to these unfortunate circumstances/upbringing.
I'm just having a hard time now because we've lost a lot of intimacy time due to his work priorities and stress.
I miss connecting through intimacy with him. I'm not a cheater. But I really miss just cuddling with him at the very least, let alone sex.
I have started taking up adult colouring books this week and it's been really therapeutic and lovely, but there's only so much colouring I can do before my ADHD ass gets bored again.
Posted by allrounderPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by allrounderMen and women - Totally different mind setPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by alexscariesPosted by allrounderPosted by Findingbalance
OK so how long has this actually been happening?
Cuz tbh I think you need to relax a bit. He's trying desperately to make ends meet and set himself up for a good future, maybe set you both up for one. Its not about you. Yes you offered to help but he might want to do this himself. Give him a chance. Don't push or nag. And maybe have a calm discussion without pointing fingers or being too self centric. Last I recall yall were doing great. Sounds like you got used to him focusing all the time on you.
Our relationship is fine in general, it's just this one huge obstacle in the road right now. We made it clear we still love each other very much. But I suppose I did get used to his attention and affection and forgot about giving that to myself just as much lol
This financial issue has been going on for about a month or two now. I mean there's been a month or two few months back where he had to use some of his savings to pay for rent. And he knew he might struggle to pay his rent, but this issue went from the back of his mind to the forefront of his mind since the issue is so dire now.
And I've been noticing his emotional distance since 2 weeks ago.
But yeah, you're right, I've got to keep looking at this from the bigger picture š I mean he even brought up making a joint account together around October-December 2022. He definitely thinks of a financially secure future with me in that case.
We are gonna have a discussion about this amongst other issues tomorrow, and yes, I'll stay as calm and non accusational/assertive as possible
click to expand
Don't get a joint account it's going to lead to arguments.
I've been through your situation as the male. He needs a sympathetic ear and reassurance that you will be there when he finishes uni. What he doesn't need is a talk about emotions and what you are feeling. Men don't think like that and it is off putting.
click to expand
Then he may as well start batting for the other side
Women not being emotional is like asking a baby not to cry ā¦. Sheās a right to feel and express her emotions otherwise sheās with the wrong bloke ā¦
click to expand
Just to reiterate in case people don't understand why. He is presumably working hard and struggling financially and she expresses her concerns and feelings, fine and then she wants to do it again next time they meet.
Let's have a talk and I want to talk about feelings. Strike fear into men's hearts. On his day off he wants to have fun with a sexy girl not listen to a speech.
click to expand
Sure he does ~ sexy fun time please
But that isnāt how things happen in relationshipsā¦like when I meet friends and look forward to a laugh and theyāre going through a difficult time, I listen to them and let them vent. You canāt programme people to be what you want them to be (hence the surge in robot sex dollsā¦.(.āsheās so compliant, happy and a sexy fun girlā)ā¦
Day off and fun with a sexy girl guaranteed - go get a hooker (who will pretend to be happy, ālove you a long timeā)
Sharing emotions doesnāt equate to listening to a speech
Wow
Men and >>>>> women hey? š«Ø
click to expand
That's what I'm saying. It's the fact my Scorp guy has spent half his day on his work then come to me and had sex with me when all I wanted was to emotionally bond with him.
It's the "get home from work, and release my stress by fucking my partner without putting intimate love into it" mentality I hate with a fiery fucking passion.
And I've been feeling that way with the way he's been having sex with me at the moment. I'm sure it's not his intentions, or maybe he doesn't know that and will get a wake up call when he realises I'm feeling used for sex to release his stress from work and life.
He's not usually like this in sex. I've felt and seen him when he genuinely romantically bonds with me during sex. It doesn't feel like "fuck", it feels like making love. I know the guys here will moan and groan at that, because they probably don't have a Water moon or romantic Venus, but that's how me and my man are.
He's literally expressed his entire heart to me verbally whilst having sex before, not just once either. I literally let out tears because of it lol
So I know how he is right now isn't his relaxed and normal self. It's his stress. And it's making me feel used for sex. And the fact I feel emotionally neglected. But I realise I'll need to work on giving myself the love I feel I'm missing too.
click to expand
Think I pretty much nailed it excuse the pun š
click to expand
Had the talk ā¤ļø everything that's been bothering us both has been patched up now. I knew my Scorpio Moon man would validate and understand how I feel and open up about how he's feeling too in a planned calm discussion in person. He's the one for me š
He reassured me and cuddled me whilst saying that he's sorry if he did make me feel like he used me for releasing his stress through sex but that he would never do that to me and he literally can't have sex whilst he's stressed either.
I also showed up to his place with a twin pack of fresh bacon and 2 of his favourite chocolate bars that I bought for him š as a sign that I'm serious about buying groceries for him and that I care about his troubles. He hugged me and really appreciated itclick to expand
scorpio moon men ā¤ļø
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account āRelated Topics
Met another Scorpio while out & about the other day. But this one has heavy Saggi energy in her chart.
We've chatted a little and she seems pretty straightforward. No games and very communicative. She works some crazy ass hours as a GM for a restaura
They never fail US!
My boyfriend and I were out and about yesterday.
We were at a red light, first car. The light turned green. I had this crazy feeling of a car crash. While he started to accelerate, I looked to my right to make sure no cars were comi
Sighh.. I have another story y'all. This one has been in the picture for two years now and likes to just dip a toe in the water and see how it is. She's a Scorpio Sun, Sag Mercury, Scorpio Venus and Gemini Mars, 33 years old.
Anyway, we dated 2 years bac
I love sunglasses. Can any Scorps relate?
I'm in a romantic relationship with a Scorpio guy. And he used to text lots of huge chunks with me in the few early months of us getting to know each other. Maybe because he was trying to impress and chase me more so did what he could to keep me.
We've
I know this is in the scorpio forum, but its more of a question for all water signs. I am a taurus with pisces and cancer in my chart. Sometimes when I meet people i get some strong visceral aversion to them, which makes me avoid them live the plague. I
Stared at women in the university common area, making them uncomfortable and refusing to break eye contact to the point where they would feel the need to leave the area for their safety. Sounds about right!!
https://nypost.com/2023/02/03/university-of-i
I have all the presents prepped. I'm just asking how you Scorpios like to be surprised by your lover on Valentine's Day.
I'm thinking of making raspberry brownies and chocolate dipped strawberries. Cause he loves raspberries. So that's one surprise. But
Just wondering how do you act, feel and think when you are in serious deep love āŗļø I'm in love with a Scorpio.
Just share what you're comfortable with :)
I didnāt think Iāll post about HIS Majestyā¦AGAIN! Howeverā¦
We are seldomly talking because he is apparently feeling a need to see if I am still aliveā¦idk
So he is calling and I didnāt pick up.
I called back and he is having me ON BLOCK as when he was mar
I, Scorpio sun with Leo rising and Gemini moon, have noticed I tend to get distracted so easily with things. I suspect it's because of my Gemini moon, but it doesn't help me to concentrate into things.
I'm working as programmer, where I need to concentr
Aries ā¦ being kept waiting
Taurus ā¦ running out of food
Gemini ā¦ being bored
Cancer ā¦ not having a safe home
Leo ā¦ being ignored
Virgo ā¦ being wrong
Libra ā¦ being alone
Scorpio ā¦ facing their demons
Sag ā¦. having their freedom taken away
Capricorn ā¦ exp
How did you find the New Moon eclipse on the 25th October?
I was hit really hard by it and was wondering what the hell was going on? š„“
My emotions were all over the place and i felt overly sensitive .... and then it passed....
Iām Scorpio and water domina
How do I stop worrying so much and let love in after all these years of being single, strong and indepedantā?
My mind is racing nonstop. Being vulnerable is so difficult for a Scorpio LOL We need to control everything and know every outcome to every s
Hi guys this is nothing serious , we arenāt dating , we are just living. But, I met this Scorpio a few years back yes we have messed around. Before I was a crazy drunk and he kinda left me alone because of that..Any ways long story short. Iām going throug
To all the Scorpios at Dxp ~ have a great onešāØš„³
Wishing you all happiness, health and success.
When is your big day? š
https://i.postimg.cc/wTWDbvBt/A49-D1-E8-F-18-A4-4292-B882-C3-DE4-DC5-DD4-F.png
All of the Scorpios I know and have known love old timey things. It's a very interesting pattern I've noticed. Makes me see all Scorpios as old but classy people š
Whether that's old songs/music, films, cartoons, fashion, culture, mannerisms and so on.
So Aries may look scary but we are actually harmless but I never have personally done anything to these people.
And they wanted to compete dominate me so badly put me down.
A dark sided Virgo, Dark sided Scorpio, Dark sided Gemini, Dark sided piesces;
Pun not intended, do water sign people feel connected to the water elements of nature (rain, ocean)?
Hi,
Ive read that esspecially cancer gets in the mood for sex or romancewhen being outside near water, is that true for scorpio and pisces as well? I feel like that, because
my father had a boat, to me rain and water coming and going in big waves is tr
1 word that comes to mind when you think about a certain dxp user :)
Iāll start:
Timone = cat
Imperfect Storm = healing
Scorpio Dreamer = vulnerability
Mystarsshine = tarot
Ands = penthouse
Juke = musicbox
Jupiter = beer
Sealion = ocean
Reincarnation =
But there is a problem for her ā¦. Sheās worried about the state of her relationship. Itās nobodyās place to minimize that.