Interracial babies

My daughter has an interracial child. An older family member refuses to speak to my daughter and does not want to see the child...not even a picture of the child.

I love the relative but I'm offended by their small mindedness. It hurts my daughter. I know I cannot change their mind. Speaking my mind to them will only cause drama and resentment. I am torn between acknowledging that my daughter is an adult and she can make the decision to interact or not with the relative, leaving myself out of it OR speaking to the relative about their decision, while running the risk of losing them in my life. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Posted by b1tchcrafts
LOL. First of all that is sad.
Its not like your daughter fucked horse and gave birth to a centaur.


Secondly I would say that is very Libra of you.. to stay out of it to keep peace.
My mom is a scorp and she cut people out of her life who did not agree with my lifestyle choices either.
I guess the question is who are you loyal to?

I'm a scorpio too so I would not appreciate my mother (who is suppose to be my biggest supporter)
communicating with people who denounce me.

I am my daughter's biggest supporter. She knows this. The relative is my father...her grandfather. She and I are in shock over his behavior. He seemed supportive of her during the pregnancy, even called to check on her when she was in the hospital. The baby is two weeks old.

She and I talked about this and think he may need time to adjust himself. He's very old fashioned. I realize that is no excuse for his behavior. I am usually the one that speaks up when situations occur. Daughter (Aqua/Pisces cusp) said to let it go, it's his loss.

Posted by MissLibra
My daughter has an interracial child. An older family member refuses to speak to my daughter and does not want to see the child...not even a picture of the child.

I love the relative but I'm offended by their small mindedness. It hurts my daughter. I know I cannot change their mind. Speaking my mind to them will only cause drama and resentment. I am torn between acknowledging that my daughter is an adult and she can make the decision to interact or not with the relative, leaving myself out of it OR speaking to the relative about their decision, while running the risk of losing them in my life. Thoughts? Suggestions?

My mum went through this when she had me, 36yrs ago. You would have thought/hoped that in 2015 it wouldn't still be going on.

Family gatherings are the only time she would be in the same place as the family members. A polite hello and that was it.

I'm an interracial baby, born out of wedlock. Neither of my families accept me.

Sometimes you just gotta suck it up. What they do is what they do, there's really nothing I can do to change how they think or why they think that way. And you know what your daughter is right in some respect. I don't know about the smaller sized families nowadays.

I'm the oldest grand kid out of what? like 20? Both sides of my family have heritage pride but I'd rather think of it as them making me into a stronger and more independent person that I am today so I guess I owe them that gratitude.

It is a privilege for anyone to be in your child's life. And yes that includes family.

Your daughter is mixed & always will be, and anyone who does not feel that she is welcome in their life shouldn't be welcome in hers or your life.

This family member will not lose sleep if you cut ties, so please don't send the wrong message to your daughter by introducing her to someone who will deny or dislike who she really is.

But hey, I'm 1 of those people who doesn't believe that being biologically related means that you deserve guaranteed access to my life. If you respect me & all that I love, you're family. If you don't, you are not welcome in my house or around my kids.

I wouldn't allow some man, or friend, teacher or neighbor to shit on my child, so there are no exceptions to family members...especially family members b/c they oughta be the most loyal & understanding.

And you're right, this family member won't change their mind. And that's ok. People are entitled to be who they are & think how they chose to think. But if their choices and mentality aren't compatible with yours & may even negatively rub off on your children, then the choice should be that you feel more obligated to your daughter's friendship & relationship as opposed to some family member who can't even look your child in the eye.

I mean come on, who does that?! Anybody who thinks they're too good to even look at something is not worth being in mine or my child's life. You don't have to take anybody's shit or ignorance. And that mentality applies to family too.

Heartbreaking.

Give him time, yes-- but do NOT

make accommodations for his stance.


I really hope for your and your

family's sake that he realizes

that life is just too damned short

for that kind of nonsense.

This is a perfectly normal situation.

People have preferences, and make judgmental decisions for various reasons ... and they have a right to. Your father has no obligation to change himself for you, or your daughter. He has a right to feel whatever way he chooses to feel.

Just a month ago, there was a Capricorn female being completely irrational about her own daughter, and who this daughter is dating ... and her reasoning for being this way was, "I'm old school" ... which basically meant, this is how I feel and I'm not changing.

Same thing with your dad. And certainly, you have your own prejudices - maybe a guy doesn't make enough money for you, or maybe a person doesn't have an acceptable personality for you, or maybe you have ditched one of your own friends because you didn't like something she did.

You have a right to feel how you feel ... and so does your dad.

And it's not his loss, considering he's the one who has decided he doesn't want it. That's a phrase people use when they can't accept reality.

The child will have love, and will have people. I see no reason in being resentful, just because your father has his own set of values that are different from yours. And Quite Frankly, I think that if you resent him for having his own values ... that pretty much makes you just like him.

If you can't get over him ... then you're just like him not being able to get over the baby.

You don't get a free pass just because you are you. Other people have the same fucking rights you do, and he is allowed to choose to like or dislike whatever/whomever he wants.

This cap lady discriminated against her daughter's boyfriend because she doesn't like his tattoos or his age.

How fucked up is that?

So, really ..... even people who think are awesome, make judgment calls that hurt the feelings of other people, even their own family.

Your best bet is to just let it go, and allow him the freedom to feel as he chooses.

^^^ No, no & no.

I think people have forgotten that in life, people are NOT entitled to be in your life & get all of the benefits that come with knowing you. People have to earn that right. And especially with children, b/c of how vulnerable they are & b/c all of the adults write on their blank slate...and it is vital that the adults in that child's life represent the values & morals that they plan on teaching their own kids.

Grandparents, like parents & teachers are very influential. Your father wasn't born racist. He was taught to be racist. And all of the people he's been prejudice against probably endured some form of racism from adults, which makes them want to deny 99% of what makes them, them. The people with the biggest influence cannot be ignorant. It's not fair to the kids.

If someone asked me if I'd rather grow up around my extremely racist & judgmental grandfather vs. not knowing him at all, but instead being raised by people who love & accept who I am, I wouldn't feel that I missed out on anything if I never saw my grandpa. In today's society, kids don't need or miss what hurts them at their core...and yes kids pick up on racism. They're kids, so they don't know how to process it...they internalize it...and carry those feelings of inadequacy to their adulthood, which just creates more problems.

I think people underestimate how kids experiencing racism from their own immediate family destroys their confidence, sense of belonging & many other things.

Race is something that people can't change. So that is completely different than having an issue with someone's weight, or hair/dressing style, tattoos, or anything else that may fluctuate throughout one's life.

We live in a society where these kids nowadays barely accept who they are...not b/c they don't want to, but b/c the adults & supposed 'examples' in their lives won't accept them...They don't know who they are & the ones that do better hope that their supposed 'loved ones' actually accept & like who they are.

The chain has to be broken somewhere. If I wouldn't allow a racist mate, friend, coworker, neighbor, stranger, teacher or babysitter near my child to the point that they'd have a relationship that would involve influence, then family, especially family doesn't get the right to have that access...

Sure, everyone has a right to have their own opinion about things, but if those opinions are not the same as the values & morals you want to instill in your children, then you also have the right to deny them access to your child.

You can be racist all you want, but if you think I'm gonna let my child come stay with you on the weekends, you can forget it! (racism is taught, remember?).

You can be a male chauvinist all you want, but I won't be the woman who sleeps with you or marries you.

The issue isn't about infringing on someone's right to have their own opinions & mentalities. The problem is that people believe they deserve access into your child's life although their very influential mentality goes completely against what you stand for & want your child to see/learn.

I bet he'll be singing a different tune on his deathbed.
How sad.

Posted by MissLibra


I am my daughter's biggest supporter. She knows this. The relative is my father...her grandfather. She and I are in shock over his behavior. He seemed supportive of her during the pregnancy, even called to check on her when she was in the hospital. The baby is two weeks old.

She and I talked about this and think he may need time to adjust himself. He's very old fashioned. I realize that is no excuse for his behavior. I am usually the one that speaks up when situations occur. Daughter (Aqua/Pisces cusp) said to let it go, it's his loss.

I am my Father's biggest fan as he is and has been my hero. He raised me, supported me and protected me and my siblings. I followed his footsteps with my step-children and my son. If he pulled this bullshit, where my son had an inter-racial child (I know he never would..we were not raised as bigots) I don't care WHO it is...This is MY child..you disrespect, or tear down my child you get cut off until you get over it. Even then, the hurt would still be there if he rejected my child as you explain your father did to your daughter. She is your flesh and blood, there is NO EXCUSE at all.

Your daughter is correct... HIS LOSS.

I bet that baby is gorgeous. Give Gramps time. He's from "that era". My grandmothers were like that. All you can do is roll your eyes.

Posted by MissLibra

Posted by b1tchcrafts
LOL. First of all that is sad.
Its not like your daughter fucked horse and gave birth to a centaur.


Secondly I would say that is very Libra of you.. to stay out of it to keep peace.
My mom is a scorp and she cut people out of her life who did not agree with my lifestyle choices either.
I guess the question is who are you loyal to?

I'm a scorpio too so I would not appreciate my mother (who is suppose to be my biggest supporter)
communicating with people who denounce me.

I am my daughter's biggest supporter. She knows this. The relative is my father...her grandfather. She and I are in shock over his behavior. He seemed supportive of her during the pregnancy, even called to check on her when she was in the hospital. The baby is two weeks old.

She and I talked about this and think he may need time to adjust himself. He's very old fashioned. I realize that is no excuse for his behavior. I am usually the one that speaks up when situations occur. Daughter (Aqua/Pisces cusp) said to let it go, it's his loss.

click to expand

It is his loss and he will realize that... With time. I know a family in a similar situation and it didn't take long for the tension to dissipate.

Posted by MissLibra
My daughter has an interracial child. An older family member refuses to speak to my daughter and does not want to see the child...not even a picture of the child.

I love the relative but I'm offended by their small mindedness. It hurts my daughter. I know I cannot change their mind. Speaking my mind to them will only cause drama and resentment. I am torn between acknowledging that my daughter is an adult and she can make the decision to interact or not with the relative, leaving myself out of it OR speaking to the relative about their decision, while running the risk of losing them in my life. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Keep your child away from your family members who will not accept who she is.
Live your life and don't worry about them, they made their choice.
Protect her from abusive situations and people.
She will have to deal with feeling inadequate and insecure soon enough as she enters the schooling years.
These early years should be filled with love and joy.
Good luck to you and your precious baby.

It's not his loss. He doesn't want it. To treat it as his loss is insinuating the child is a princess, deserving and entitled .... which will be attitude that is instilled in her as relative to her grand father.

That is creating the wrong message, and will instill resentment for not being honored, unreasonably so, since nobody has an obligation to love you, or want you.



The persons' whose loss it is is the child's. For It has lost a grand parent.

To be resentful is instilling the wrong message into the child.

It surprises me at how many adult women in here who claim to be mothers are so thoughtless about the mental and emotional well-being of their children, in where they willingly program their children to have a false sense entitlement.

You can't make the grand father like nor dislike the child ... you can only control the program you instill into the child's psyche to prepare it for the fact that there are going to be people who don't like you.

the Grand father doesn't HAVE to want his grand child .... family members become estranged all the time. most of you have estranged family members ... so, your logic seem extremely bizarre.

I have read everyone's input and greatly appreciate the time spent replying. Thank you all!!

Posted by dontgetmewrong
By the way, I did not know that my grandparents didn't approve of my parents marriage until I was a teen. I met them for the first time when I was 3 so to me, they had always been in my life. I know they had no I'll will towards me, they just didn't approve of interracial relationships at the time and we taught them that it's ok. It was just foreign to them, that's all.

Thank you for sharing that! Hopefully, one day, before it's too late, my family will come to their senses. In the meantime, my grandson will be very loved without them.

Don't piss of grandpa with racial politics and wait till the old bastard dies and invest all his inheritance in the grandson and then tell the grandson he died in Iraq serving the country, or better still tell the child he's actually dumbledore from harry potter, just build him up into an awesome person that loved him very much....

That way when the child is older and gives you shit and is ruining you're life you can say "Yeah? well your grandfather was an old racist prick from the KKK that wanted you drowned!!


I can't believe you tolerate having a racist grandfather, mind you I would if it meant getting inheritance, I feel sorry for you.