@Sn1p3r187
13 Years5,000+ PostsCapricorn
Low self esteem in relationships?
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Can you honestly deal with people of this nature in a relationship. I find it hard to deal with them when they're too insecure and it's hard to want to be with them when they're insufferable, whiny, or need to be coddled and reassured all the time. It gets annoying fast considering I've been through this with someone at least twice. But thoughts and opinions here from your experiences?
Takes a very patient person to deal with those flaws.
I can't speak for others, but I only grip tighter with my hands when I am unsure of my footing, so to speak.
As in, when I am unclear what our status or understanding of the nature of our relationship is. Which is to say, when we are not on the same page. Needless to say, those situations do not last long. I can't handle the ambiguity and dislike the aspects of myself it brings out.
Realize that everyone is different. Some people see the cup as half empty, some see it as half full. Neither is right, neither is wrong.
Someone may have low self-esteem but have other qualities. Maybe it's worth seeing if the person's qualities outweigh their deficits.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Can you honestly deal with people of this nature in a relationship. I find it hard to deal with them when they're too insecure and it's hard to want to be with them when they're insufferable, whiny, or need to be coddled and reassured all the time. It gets annoying fast considering I've been through this with someone at least twice. But thoughts and opinions here from your experiences?
Nope. Flaws and hardships of other and different kinds, I can handle, but a person who is whiny, I can not stand in a relationship.
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Realize that everyone is different. Some people see the cup as half empty, some see it as half full. Neither is right, neither is wrong.Someone may have low self-esteem but have other qualities. Maybe it's worth seeing if the person's qualities outweigh their deficits.
I have Pisces Venus.
It would demand I make the low-self-esteem person realize that. (*Puts on cape and goes to save them*)
...Can we trade Venuses? ;_;
Posted by xXxAliciaXxX
No I cannot deal with it. It's extremely annoying. Hence why I don't date Capricorn, Pisces, or Cancer men. Good God are they sensitive....
How can you say that? I feel so hurt! Take that back! HOW COULD YOUUU?!?!?
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
Posted by SensitiveBlues
Posted by Andalusia
I can't speak for others, but I only grip tighter with my hands when I am unsure of my footing, so to speak.As in, when I am unclear what our status or understanding of the nature of our relationship is. Which is to say, when we are not on the same page. Needless to say, those situations do not last long. I can't handle the ambiguity and dislike the aspects of myself it brings out.
exactly. people cling on cause they're insecure about YOUR INTENTIONS. BE CLEAR AND YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
click to expand
Not necessarily true, imo. You can be whiny and insecure about other things than about the relationship.
The point is with me is I shouldn't have to be reassuring them every 5 minutes about something whether it's my love or what I'm doing. Unless she actually had a reason to be like unfaithfulness when it's obvious.
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
depends if you are dealing with a feeling or sensitive person...Caps are known for being a bit insensitive. I'm just saying...blame astrologers for tacling that onto your description
click to expand
Lol, you're right. But tell me the difference between a feeling and sensitive person.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Can you honestly deal with people of this nature in a relationship. I find it hard to deal with them when they're too insecure and it's hard to want to be with them when they're insufferable, whiny, or need to be coddled and reassured all the time. It gets annoying fast considering I've been through this with someone at least twice. But thoughts and opinions here from your experiences?
No. Neediness is the biggest turn of of all. I'm independent and I expect my partner to be as well.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Can you honestly deal with people of this nature in a relationship. I find it hard to deal with them when they're too insecure and it's hard to want to be with them when they're insufferable, whiny, or need to be coddled and reassured all the time. It gets annoying fast considering I've been through this with someone at least twice. But thoughts and opinions here from your experiences?
No. Neediness is the biggest turn of of all. I'm independent and I expect my partner to be as well.
Posted by faceroll
then don't date insecure women? it's not complicated. you don't like it. they won't change. find someone else to be with. that's a fundamental part of their current emotional identity. if you're staying because they're hot or because the sex is good then suck it up. you've made your choice. if it's not that then why aren't you being compassionate? i find it odd that someone would want to stay with someone who they care so little about their feelings. and that's what it comes down to. either you care to deal with it or you don't. you can think of it as needing validation. if you don't want to validate feelings then don't date someone who wants their feelings validated.it's like dating a smoker and then getting butthurt that they smoke. you knew that going in.
Dude. I've said I've been with two in the past. I never said I'd date another one or I am with one. I'm only asking for thoughts and opinions for those who've dealt with them in the past and what was their experience.
Posted by SensitiveBlues
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by SensitiveBlues
Posted by Andalusia
I can't speak for others, but I only grip tighter with my hands when I am unsure of my footing, so to speak.As in, when I am unclear what our status or understanding of the nature of our relationship is. Which is to say, when we are not on the same page. Needless to say, those situations do not last long. I can't handle the ambiguity and dislike the aspects of myself it brings out.
exactly. people cling on cause they're insecure about YOUR INTENTIONS. BE CLEAR AND YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
Not necessarily true, imo. You can be whiny and insecure about other things than about the relationship.
i don't know that person.
click to expand
Sorry, I don't get it. What person? I was speaking in general terms.
Posted by tiziani
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
Did she ask for the advice though? Maybe she is not looking to change
click to expand
Dude I'm not with one. Never will be again.
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
depends if you are dealing with a feeling or sensitive person...Caps are known for being a bit insensitive. I'm just saying...blame astrologers for tacling that onto your description
Lol, you're right. But tell me the difference between a feeling and sensitive person.
The thing is...that it really doesn't matter because when you find someone and they are the one, it doesn't matter if they are the opposite of you....you find yourself wanting to comfort that person, quell their insecurities, want to spend a lot of time with them...
maybe you should do fwb...
or meet a cougar who doesn't want emotions or care if your sensitive to her needs and just wants you for sex because she has her own life and your life isn't included🙂j/p
click to expand
Nah. I don't do fwb or go for catladies. Probably feel more empty then they would before they actually got into it.
Posted by ramparts
On the flip side...im learning how to NOT need reassurance and rely on their behaviors. My language of love is words of affirmation but that might be the most difficult for men so im learning to appreciate other forms of love
Mine is too and I agree, this can be really hard for men - it's tough to navigate and remind myself that actions speak louder than words and to really look at behaviors versus waiting for the words or even the flip side, putting too much trust in the words.
Posted by Andalusia
I can't speak for others, but I only grip tighter with my hands when I am unsure of my footing, so to speak.As in, when I am unclear what our status or understanding of the nature of our relationship is. Which is to say, when we are not on the same page. Needless to say, those situations do not last long. I can't handle the ambiguity and dislike the aspects of myself it brings out.
And I completely agree with this - I don't consider myself to have low self esteem, I'm a successful woman, but I have moments of crazy when I don't know where I stand in a relationship, especially if I've opened up to you, I let my guard down and now I'm confused, I grip tighter and I don't like it - so too much ambiguity and I'm gone - I don't just open up to anyone, so if I do, handle with care.
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
depends if you are dealing with a feeling or sensitive person...Caps are known for being a bit insensitive. I'm just saying...blame astrologers for tacling that onto your description
Lol, you're right. But tell me the difference between a feeling and sensitive person.
The thing is...that it really doesn't matter because when you find someone and they are the one, it doesn't matter if they are the opposite of you....you find yourself wanting to comfort that person, quell their insecurities, want to spend a lot of time with them...
maybe you should do fwb...
or meet a cougar who doesn't want emotions or care if your sensitive to her needs and just wants you for sex because she has her own life and your life isn't included🙂j/p
click to expand
love changes everything.
if they're the type to constantly bring themselves down, then yes, I cannot deal with that. My first relationship had this element to it. It pisses me off. I'm not good at comforting people and I hate having to go through the same conversations over and over again without any foreseeable resolution. I work better with someone who is more stable and comfortable with themselves.
My own personality flaws make us not a great match. Obviously, it's a two way street. These people would not enjoy my own traits, either.
Posted by SensitiveBlues
Posted by Andalusia
I can't speak for others, but I only grip tighter with my hands when I am unsure of my footing, so to speak.As in, when I am unclear what our status or understanding of the nature of our relationship is. Which is to say, when we are not on the same page. Needless to say, those situations do not last long. I can't handle the ambiguity and dislike the aspects of myself it brings out.
exactly. people cling on cause they're insecure about YOUR INTENTIONS. BE CLEAR AND YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
click to expand
This!
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have that as well...but mine doesn't belong to me, I'm certain of it. I am nothing like the description although I do wish I had alittle more detachment capabilities but I'm not clingy either...gotta be my fire placements that muck it up for me
click to expand
my sister and mother in law have this placement.
they consider their friends very very dear.
Posted by Impulsv
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh more coldness lol
click to expand
Lol. That was the warmest it ever gets. Like touching the surface of the sun.
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have that as well...but mine doesn't belong to me, I'm certain of it. I am nothing like the description although I do wish I had alittle more detachment capabilities but I'm not clingy either...gotta be my fire placements that muck it up for me
click to expand
I'm hot and cold. I just don't like people getting too clingy with me. It's disturbing. Usually they get clingy.
It wholly depends on the person. My threshold for patience varies according to the amount of love I have for someone.
As for me, I am always thankful when someone has patience with me. This feeling of gratitude is something I carry with me so that I may remember what it is to be insecure and need a loving and understanding heart. I try to pay that kindness forward.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have that as well...but mine doesn't belong to me, I'm certain of it. I am nothing like the description although I do wish I had alittle more detachment capabilities but I'm not clingy either...gotta be my fire placements that muck it up for me
I'm hot and cold. I just don't like people getting too clingy with me. It's disturbing. Usually they get clingy.click to expand
Do you tell them? How do they take it if you explain yourself?
yes I can... Will I do it again probably not, but I am jaded. The problem with being in a relationship with someone with low self esteem is they are more prone to leave you. Build up there confidence and they will not think you are good enough anymore. Someone who is sure of themselves and mature do not need validation, but still love and appreciate it. So I dont think I will pull so hard in a relationship with some one with poor self worth issues.. again I am jaded, who knows the next female may be even worse lol
Posted by LillyPetal
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have that as well...but mine doesn't belong to me, I'm certain of it. I am nothing like the description although I do wish I had alittle more detachment capabilities but I'm not clingy either...gotta be my fire placements that muck it up for me
I'm hot and cold. I just don't like people getting too clingy with me. It's disturbing. Usually they get clingy.
Do you tell them? How do they take it if you explain yourself?
click to expand
They'd be like "I'm not clingy". When I know for a fact they are.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by LillyPetal
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by ShadowAbsorber
OP, what's your venus sign?
Aquuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have that as well...but mine doesn't belong to me, I'm certain of it. I am nothing like the description although I do wish I had alittle more detachment capabilities but I'm not clingy either...gotta be my fire placements that muck it up for me
I'm hot and cold. I just don't like people getting too clingy with me. It's disturbing. Usually they get clingy.
Do you tell them? How do they take it if you explain yourself?
They'd be like "I'm not clingy". When I know for a fact they are.click to expand
Oh. It's important that an accusatory tone not be used or one might get defensive...
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Nope can't do it. I can understand if you're trying to better yourself but if you're gonna bitch and moan and do nothing about it what's the point? Not all insecure ppl are passive either. Some try and belittle every single thing you do. Its not just intimate relationships, I've had friends that do it too. They hate every little positive thing and swear up and down they are being attacked when in reality they are just projecting their negative behavior onto you.Can't win with em, they'll deflect everything to you nothing is their fault because inside everything is their fault. Its easier for them to be in self denial than it is for then to be open and honest with themselves. I can't reassure somebody on a daily basis. You're an adult, gtfu and do something about it or let it go.
You sound like you're sexually frustrated.
Posted by Vixen2
But what is clingy to you Sn1p3r?Is it someone who likes to be around you, because she adores you? Or someone who likes to hold your hand because she's proud your her man, is it someone who wonders where you are when she doesn't hear from you in awhile...because she cares for you and worries? Is it someone who is overly passionate and intense?
I'm very interested in your answer and have my notebook on cap men out and am waiting to take notes...
Not giving me space once in a while when I need it the most. I don't mind passion but I'd rather someone not rush into things and fall in love too fast.
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Posted by LillyPetal
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Nope can't do it. I can understand if you're trying to better yourself but if you're gonna bitch and moan and do nothing about it what's the point? Not all insecure ppl are passive either. Some try and belittle every single thing you do. Its not just intimate relationships, I've had friends that do it too. They hate every little positive thing and swear up and down they are being attacked when in reality they are just projecting their negative behavior onto you.Can't win with em, they'll deflect everything to you nothing is their fault because inside everything is their fault. Its easier for them to be in self denial than it is for then to be open and honest with themselves. I can't reassure somebody on a daily basis. You're an adult, gtfu and do something about it or let it go.
You sound like you're sexually frustrated.
Well, fuck me or stfu
click to expand
You're a Libra, my opposite sign. It would feel like incest! #BoiledEgg
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.click to expand
Did the person ask for your advice?
Posted by LillyPetal
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Posted by LillyPetal
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Nope can't do it. I can understand if you're trying to better yourself but if you're gonna bitch and moan and do nothing about it what's the point? Not all insecure ppl are passive either. Some try and belittle every single thing you do. Its not just intimate relationships, I've had friends that do it too. They hate every little positive thing and swear up and down they are being attacked when in reality they are just projecting their negative behavior onto you.Can't win with em, they'll deflect everything to you nothing is their fault because inside everything is their fault. Its easier for them to be in self denial than it is for then to be open and honest with themselves. I can't reassure somebody on a daily basis. You're an adult, gtfu and do something about it or let it go.
You sound like you're sexually frustrated.
Well, fuck me or stfu
You're a Libra, my opposite sign. It would feel like incest! #BoiledEgg
click to expand
Why would it be like incest? this is the second time I have heard this.
systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
failing to meet parental standards
failing to meet peer-group standards
being on the receiving end of other people's stress or distress.
belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
being the odd one out, at home or at school
All these things lead to low self esteem, just so all you high esteemed people know, people don't choose to have a low opinion of themselves, yes they need help but it's not going to come from someone who can't see behind the whining.
No ones a mind reader obviously, we're mere mortals, but those who can see beyond the surface and have compassion in their hearts are fucking saints and are rare because we live in a fast paced world that if you fall behind you get left behind because the strong survive. If you are strong enough to endure someone else's demons with love and compassion then I give you a standing ovation because it's not easy.
I read today that true love is sliding your hand over someone, if you find a crack in them then you fill it with love.
Giving people superficial compliments to shut them up about their body image is like using chewing gum to fix a broken mirror.
I wouldnt consider myself clingy but I do need reassurance and to know where we stand at all times. If Im unsure then everything is a problem.
Posted by SpiceNSugar
Posted by Sn1p3r187
Posted by Vixen2
you're a Capricorn...cold as friggin ice
Hey you've seen how warm I can be. It's just that that low self esteem is not really that healthy. Especially if the person is always like that. And you give them advice and they don't actually take it and use it to help themselves.
Did the person ask for your advice?
click to expand
Well 4 years ago she brought up something. I helped and still complained about it like they ignored my advice altogether.
i love how a guy tells you, you have low self esteem and are insecure when you call them out on cheating 😆 you really cant make this butter up LOL
Posted by DonnaElvira77
Low self esteem is toxic in relationships. For both parties. It's also unfair to both parties in the long term. People with low self esteem tend to have “lower quality relationships” than people with healthy self esteem. Their relationships have less love and trust, and more conflict and ambivalence.People with low self esteem are less emotionally stable.
I know it's an issue i struggle with.Regardless of their self esteem, people tend to assume that other people see them in a similar way to how they see themselves. For example, if I think I’m warm, attractive, smart, and funny then I’m likely to assume that other people also see me this way. If i see myself as dirty or low or whatever ..then i will think others see this.
So people with high self esteem, who generally see themselves positively, tend to believe other people see them positively. They typically think that people who don’t know them yet will probably like them and that people who already like them will keep liking them.
As I have said it's an issue I have struggled with. It can be a very long journey. Society still sees this issues in a victorian way sometimes I think.
What’s important to note about low self esteem is that most people with “low self esteem” don’t see themselves consistently negatively. Most people with low self esteem are probably better described as having “fluctuating self esteem.”
It can be helped but it takes a long time. It's a tough road. But worth it :-)
That is pretty true.
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Can you honestly deal with people of this nature in a relationship. I find it hard to deal with them when they're too insecure and it's hard to want to be with them when they're insufferable, whiny, or need to be coddled and reassured all the time. It gets annoying fast considering I've been through this with someone at least twice. But thoughts and opinions here from your experiences?