wagtail
@wagtail
13 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 1648 · Posts: 8304 · Topics: 67
Reaching out
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Posted by wagtailif you're feeling such a profound urge to call someone up then you should. believe me you might be truly surprised by what a weight is lifted off your shoulders when you do. i understand not wanting to open up or feeling apprehensive, i totally get it, but sometimes you just need that release. sometimes even if the other person doesn't have much to say, speaking out loud about it and having someone else just listen can make the world of a difference. opening up and saying the words, your worries, thoughts, fears, can be soothing. so call the person up that you feel the closes to. tell them.
does anybody here struggle with reaching out?
I have something big but super private coming up this weekend and I need to talk about it with somebody, anybody...
I have hmmmm let's say about 6 different people in my phone I could call and say hey are you busy can I talk about something with you?
But it's so private and personal to me I don't know if I want to go there.
Like, I don't want to bore them and though I know they care I don't know if it'll even help.
I have never reached out about something like this before. It's not a habit I'm trying to break either but I feel like I need to.
How do you decide whether or not to open up and basically ask for someone's time.
Just time and a chat. @_@ is it just me?
the need that you're describing is enough to warrant this call.
Posted by LibWmanYou're right. I don't really know what's holding me back...Posted by wagtailif you're feeling such a profound urge to call someone up then you should. believe me you might be truly surprised by what a weight is lifted off your shoulders when you do. i understand not wanting to open up or feeling apprehensive, i totally get it, but sometimes you just need that release. sometimes even if the other person doesn't have much to say, speaking out loud about it and having someone else just listen can make the world of a difference. opening up and saying the words, your worries, thoughts, fears, can be soothing. so call the person up that you feel the closes to. tell them.
does anybody here struggle with reaching out?
I have something big but super private coming up this weekend and I need to talk about it with somebody, anybody...
I have hmmmm let's say about 6 different people in my phone I could call and say hey are you busy can I talk about something with you?
But it's so private and personal to me I don't know if I want to go there.
Like, I don't want to bore them and though I know they care I don't know if it'll even help.
I have never reached out about something like this before. It's not a habit I'm trying to break either but I feel like I need to.
How do you decide whether or not to open up and basically ask for someone's time.
Just time and a chat. @_@ is it just me?
the need that you're describing is enough to warrant this call.click to expand
Posted by sunkisses26This is true. It's hard though... I have 3 friends that would drop everything and listen but I know they have stuff to handle as well... So it's kind of like I feel a bit alone and I don't want to weigh them down even a little bit.
I due have a hard time reaching out...I have a few very close friends that can usually tell if I'm upset or if I need to talk....my advice is to pick some very close to you that you know won't judge you ...and that will listen if you need to vent ...or help if you have a specific problem that you need assistance with you
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI'm glad to hear it's not just meh.
Oh I struggle with that IMMENSELY.
I hate reaching out to people about my feelings. I never do it. That's probably not healthy though.
I just "talk to myself" whenever I'm going through something. Not in a weird disturbing way, like having a full on conversation with myself lol, but I reflect about what I'm feeling. I reflect on what happened and how I feel and kind of just figure things out on my own. I even cry if I need to. All of this I do when I'm alone though.
I never cry in front of people or talk about significant things that are affecting me in my life. I have always been closed off like this.
If you're anything like that, I suggest you start off simple. With a text message or email. You don't have to beat around the bush. Just say something like "I've got a lot on my plate these days. I'm kind of stressing out." Usually anyone at that point will inquire about what's going on and you can go from there.
I usually try and talk things through in my head as well, cope with the emotions or the void of no emotions -but this situation is so out of my realm of experience...
Anyways, I know my usual programme is push people away- I just sent a rejection text to a girlfriend who wants to do something next week. So it's already begun before it's even started lol
I just feel like I should open up instead but I don't know how...
I definitely do. It's kind of funny actually. When my friends need a shoulder or an ear, I'm there, but when the tables are turned... it's difficult. And lately, when I do turn to people, it seems like they don't listen or the advice they give isn't advice... but rather judgment? Or a bandaid versus stitches? I blame Mercury RX, but no. It's hard for me to open up and admit I need help or that I'm feeling vulnerable. I'm getting better at it, thanks to some therapy and the desire to... idk, have more people "know me," I guess? Still tough though.
Posted by 000sillylion000Yes, I hear you.
I definitely do. It's kind of funny actually. When my friends need a shoulder or an ear, I'm there, but when the tables are turned... it's difficult. And lately, when I do turn to people, it seems like they don't listen or the advice they give isn't advice... but rather judgment? Or a bandaid versus stitches? I blame Mercury RX, but no. It's hard for me to open up and admit I need help or that I'm feeling vulnerable. I'm getting better at it, thanks to some therapy and the desire to... idk, have more people "know me," I guess? Still tough though.
It's like the downside of being strong. I notice a lot of peeps here on dxp are like that.
RealWurld we close ourselves down, tho we allow people to lean on us but then we come here to vent or interact because it's safer... Well, that's my story anyways and I'm sticking to it.
I've been thinking I need therapy, I will look into it definitely but I want the ability to turn to a friend first... It's supposed to be normal to turn to a friend isn't it?
I mean, to just try and see first.
Posted by sunkisses26I know it makes sense.Posted by wagtailask yourself this ...if the situation was reversed and any of these 3 friends needed to talk to you or needed your help ...would you feel like they were weighing you down? No! of course you wouldn't ....don't be afraid to lean on your friends when there are hard times... for me this is what friendship is all about ...being there for each other....Posted by sunkisses26This is true. It's hard though... I have 3 friends that would drop everything and listen but I know they have stuff to handle as well... So it's kind of like I feel a bit alone and I don't want to weigh them down even a little bit.
I due have a hard time reaching out...I have a few very close friends that can usually tell if I'm upset or if I need to talk....my advice is to pick some very close to you that you know won't judge you ...and that will listen if you need to vent ...or help if you have a specific problem that you need assistance with youclick to expand
It's almost physically difficult to do it tho. I know what I am capable of, I know what I do for my friends.
But expecting it back? Feels weird I'm weirded out just thinking about it.
Posted by wagtailI've been thinking I need therapy, I will look into it definitely but I want the ability to turn to a friend first... It's supposed to be normal to turn to a friend isn't it?
I mean, to just try and see first.
Totally normal to rely on friend! And a wonderful thing to be able to do. For me, the therapy has actually helped me open up to my friends a bit more (because like you say, it's hard for strong people). For me, I was confusing strength for invincibility -- like i would lose street cred if I seemed sad or weak -- which was super lame and wrong. But! One thing I did realize is that you can't start therapy until you are 100% ready. Makes all difference. I would totally recommend it though. Best decision I ever made for myself.
@xxxaliciaxxx thanks babe.
You're right.
I reached for the phone and I kind of realised what I was feeling.
I'm scared. I'm scared of the support and the advice I might get, because it might mean I need it.
(I'm usually the one who takes these calls)
Emotionally I mean. It's an emotional problem. I just imagined what she might say and I know it'll be so proactive and sensible I'll feel overwhelmed by the 'here's what you can do' part of it.
Or maybe it'll just be I'm here if you need anything. Like, what can I do with that? If I fall apart it means I can collapse on her bed and cry myself to sleep or something? Scary scary stuff
It's not gonna happen I'm chickening out already I wanna draw the blinds and lie on the couch for a month doing nothing pretending I don't exist lol
You're right.
I reached for the phone and I kind of realised what I was feeling.
I'm scared. I'm scared of the support and the advice I might get, because it might mean I need it.
(I'm usually the one who takes these calls)
Emotionally I mean. It's an emotional problem. I just imagined what she might say and I know it'll be so proactive and sensible I'll feel overwhelmed by the 'here's what you can do' part of it.
Or maybe it'll just be I'm here if you need anything. Like, what can I do with that? If I fall apart it means I can collapse on her bed and cry myself to sleep or something? Scary scary stuff
It's not gonna happen I'm chickening out already I wanna draw the blinds and lie on the couch for a month doing nothing pretending I don't exist lol
Posted by 000sillylion000Posted by wagtailThanks! That's good to know actually. That it's a viable option. I'm glad it's helped you too 🙂 that's awesomeI've been thinking I need therapy, I will look into it definitely but I want the ability to turn to a friend first... It's supposed to be normal to turn to a friend isn't it?
I mean, to just try and see first.
Totally normal to rely on friend! And a wonderful thing to be able to do. For me, the therapy has actually helped me open up to my friends a bit more (because like you say, it's hard for strong people). For me, I was confusing strength for invincibility -- like i would lose street cred if I seemed sad or weak -- which was super lame and wrong. But! One thing I did realize is that you can't start therapy until you are 100% ready. Makes all difference. I would totally recommend it though. Best decision I ever made for myself.click to expand
@sunkisses26 Aaahahaha that's so funny, I can totally relate that's hilariously adorable.
Now how do I apply that to emotional relationships...
The Ol flip n switch, allowing someone to feed meh - maybe you're right it's my pride.... But it's scary being vulnerable, even when it's tummy time...
Now how do I apply that to emotional relationships...
The Ol flip n switch, allowing someone to feed meh - maybe you're right it's my pride.... But it's scary being vulnerable, even when it's tummy time...
Posted by starwarsHehehe it is important, but it's only important to meh... I don't want to drag people with busy lives and families down just to hear me talk about me and my problems.
i think if you start with "i wanna tell you something important" anyone would get excited and listen
besides youre dope youll bore no one
You're the dope one, I wish you were real and not just a figment of my DeeExPeh imagination 😛
I'd side tackle you into a month of Sunday's lol
Posted by scorpx3No they can be bothered. I am loved.
If you feel that even one of those 6 people - let alone all 6 - might not want to be bothered by a little "chat" with you, someone's not being a good friend. 👀
It's just, huh how to explain. I love them too. I don't want to seem needy, I don't want them to feel like they have to supply me with answers or create a solution out of thin air for something that I don't even know how to feel about. Do you know what I mean?
@starwars lol ~hug~ the two pronged approach eh? Invest in two different people and cross reference the advice...
I like it!
I like it!
Posted by dominoes
PM some weirdo you dont' even know.
Thanks for the offer bruv, you're my resident go to authoriteh on long, cold nights spent huddled up outside 😛
Ahahaha that's the Dxp way fo sho, I should spam err'body in private- start some kind of internalised Internetz therapy unit.
#cyberdust it
Posted by sunkisses26~hug~ thanks sunkisses, you've got a smart friend 🙂 and yes I shall be brave...Posted by wagtailhahahhahah...according to my friend ...pride doesn't taste better than food....and ."pride doesn't feel better than support when you need it"...just take a chance (I know thats terrifying) but your BRAVE...your a leo *wink* I know you can do it! hugs*
@sunkisses26 Aaahahaha that's so funny, I can totally relate that's hilariously adorable.
Now how do I apply that to emotional relationships...
The Ol flip n switch, allowing someone to feed meh - maybe you're right it's my pride.... But it's scary being vulnerable, even when it's tummy time...click to expand
Just gotta work up to it first @_@ the cowardly lion was my fave Oz character lol
I feel like I need a
Posted by dominoesThanks dom that's very good advice.
In all seriousness, it may be therapeutic for you to look for insight from a complete stranger or someone that you barely know. There are online services where you can also talk to some random person that is just offering their ear to listen. It might help you. You don't have to worry about being judged if you come off as crazy either.
🙂
You guys are awesome, thanks for listening to me whine...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...
@starwars whyyyyyy the DUNCAN aren't your pics working todayyyyy
Posted by starwarsWho can we sacrifice to fix shiett on this pagan site *shakes clenched fist at the sky* Viking stylezPosted by wagtailducan is just testing my scorpio bits, im so close to sting a cookiemonster!!!
@starwars whyyyyyy the DUNCAN aren't your pics working todayyyyyclick to expand
Posted by wagtailAlways here for you bub. Anytime you need a little vent, some advice or just a general concensus.
You guys are awesome, thanks for listening to me whine...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...
*kissy lips*
Posted by LibWmanThunk you.Posted by wagtailAlways here for you bub. Anytime you need a little vent, some advice or just a general concensus.
You guys are awesome, thanks for listening to me whine...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...
*kissy lips*click to expand
I DO rely heavily on you guyths for validation... It pleasthes meh greatly.
But seriously, thanks ˜
Posted by starwarsBaaaaahahahahaaaholy crap that'd be goodPosted by wagtaili think we should make a LIST!!!! lololol 😈Posted by starwarsWho can we sacrifice to fix shiett on this pagan site *shakes clenched fist at the sky* Viking stylezPosted by wagtailducan is just testing my scorpio bits, im so close to sting a cookiemonster!!!
@starwars whyyyyyy the DUNCAN aren't your pics working todayyyyyclick to expand
i hate reaching for food
Posted by HouseCleaningYou're so cuddlehh.
i hate reaching for food
Posted by HouseCleaningI mean heavensake housecleaning. You were needed on the message boards a fucking year ago.
i hate reaching for food
Posted by LibWmanhey baby im here for you nowPosted by HouseCleaningI mean heavensake housecleaning. You were needed on the message boards a fucking year ago.
i hate reaching for foodclick to expand
Posted by HouseCleaningMama wantsPosted by LibWmanhey baby im here for you nowPosted by HouseCleaningI mean heavensake housecleaning. You were needed on the message boards a fucking year ago.
i hate reaching for foodclick to expand
Posted by LibWmanvery goldenPosted by HouseCleaningMama wantsPosted by LibWmanhey baby im here for you nowPosted by HouseCleaningI mean heavensake housecleaning. You were needed on the message boards a fucking year ago.
i hate reaching for food
click to expand
Posted by dominoesI felt a NineInchNails reference in there somewhere @_@Posted by wagtailNo worries! Just so you know, my love only goes 7 inches deep. So don't push your limits sweetcheeks.
You guys are awesome, thanks for listening to me whine...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...click to expand
7"!!! Wow you packin'
😛
Welp Ima run to the store.
I just chain smoked half a pack replying to my own bloody post, crikey.
I think we all know the love is real... I appreciated the input
I just chain smoked half a pack replying to my own bloody post, crikey.
I think we all know the love is real... I appreciated the input
Posted by dominoesTotallyPosted by wagtailPosted by dominoesI felt a NineInchNails reference in there somewhere @_@Posted by wagtailNo worries! Just so you know, my love only goes 7 inches deep. So don't push your limits sweetcheeks.
You guys are awesome, thanks for listening to me whine...
I hope I learnt something. Mainly that's it's okay to reach out. It feels harder than going through something alone, tho...
7"!!! Wow you packin'
😛
9 INCH NAILS! That's a band I forgot about.
Shieeeet. Cheers m8. I gotta go listen.click to expand
Ima do the same
@sagiluv luckily someone pmd me so I did...
It did help 🙂
It did help 🙂
@UmiSays I'm gunna I will. Ima make you proud
Posted by GoldigoldI relate. Tell me moah. What holds you back?
I can't reach out
@xylrising hahaha what does that mean?
Posted by wagtailBut look at it this way.. perhaps they will enjoy helping you out..Myself at times will do for others to get out of self, it helps to not be so self involved or self absorbed. Not saying you are being either of those.. for ME, it helps get me centered and refocused on stuff around me and in my life.Posted by sunkisses26This is true. It's hard though... I have 3 friends that would drop everything and listen but I know they have stuff to handle as well... So it's kind of like I feel a bit alone and I don't want to weigh them down even a little bit.
I due have a hard time reaching out...I have a few very close friends that can usually tell if I'm upset or if I need to talk....my advice is to pick some very close to you that you know won't judge you ...and that will listen if you need to vent ...or help if you have a specific problem that you need assistance with youclick to expand
if they would drop anything and listen... i doubt they would feel burdened by your call. i would be flattered my friend valued my time/energy and advise. Especially if they know you are typically closed off.
just my 2 cents.
🙂
@justagirl I like it, thanks hun x
Wagtaaaaail (:
IDK what to say on topic lol. I don't speak up about certain things too...sometimes I wish there was someone I could sit down and cry to but... never gonna happen :p I want to stop feeling like this TBH. The urge to share has gone down a lot actually.
How about diary? I used to write diary... It's very comfortable lol. Only thing is, it will not hug you back or speak up lol..
IDK what to say on topic lol. I don't speak up about certain things too...sometimes I wish there was someone I could sit down and cry to but... never gonna happen :p I want to stop feeling like this TBH. The urge to share has gone down a lot actually.
How about diary? I used to write diary... It's very comfortable lol. Only thing is, it will not hug you back or speak up lol..
Posted by xyIrisingOkay yes, I can get with that.Posted by wagtailI prefer talking to myself, texting myself or writing to myself.
@xylrising hahaha what does that mean?
Everyone has their own battle/issue to deal with. It gets messy when sharing personal things. Disappointment runs deep but so is understanding the condition.
Today, I was driving home and having a conversation with myself out loud. Sometimes that moment of "insanity" is necessary for mental equilibrium. It's necessary because it helps me avoid getting caught up with those heart-to-heart moments and end up with my heart cracked open.
It's different for everyone though.
To answer your question, yes I do have trouble reaching out.click to expand
I used to journal a little. Writing helped. And I have had so many long rambling conversations out loud with myself, it made a difference writing it down because it felt like it was released from me.
That heart cracked open comment made me feel something tho...
Posted by RumiLRumiL my lovely, always welcome haha
Wagtaaaaail (:
IDK what to say on topic lol. I don't speak up about certain things too...sometimes I wish there was someone I could sit down and cry to but... never gonna happen :p I want to stop feeling like this TBH. The urge to share has gone down a lot actually.
How about diary? I used to write diary... It's very comfortable lol. Only thing is, it will not hug you back or speak up lol..
Yes I just posted about journaling! Same wavelength chica!!
The urge to share has gone down a lot... How so/ why so
😘
Thing is Wagtail, we are alone. Even if you share with someone else and they understand you - we are still alone. The connection is something beautiful and offers some exchange yes... But still.
So..I'd say, to talk or to be with yourself especially at times when you have the urge to share with someone..
I may seem too harsh but .... :p
It's what I learnt in life.
Sharing helps but again, the moment you turn your back...you are still alone. And its not a bad thing at all. (:
I'd say be more with yourself, write a diary. Personally, reading novels has also helped me. I even used to go near trees and talk to them(not aloud but in mind!) and I used to touch and be with them....it may sound strange but I used to feel so good after that... Sharing what I feel with nature...not verbally..but from heart :p They may not answer back verbally lol, but IDK, I felt very alive doing that and I would forget everything...the load inside would be off.
Sorry I sound like a nutcase xD
So..I'd say, to talk or to be with yourself especially at times when you have the urge to share with someone..
I may seem too harsh but .... :p
It's what I learnt in life.
Sharing helps but again, the moment you turn your back...you are still alone. And its not a bad thing at all. (:
I'd say be more with yourself, write a diary. Personally, reading novels has also helped me. I even used to go near trees and talk to them(not aloud but in mind!) and I used to touch and be with them....it may sound strange but I used to feel so good after that... Sharing what I feel with nature...not verbally..but from heart :p They may not answer back verbally lol, but IDK, I felt very alive doing that and I would forget everything...the load inside would be off.
Sorry I sound like a nutcase xD
@Wagtail
Reaching out shouldn't be the hard part. The hard part is deciding which of those 6 people is the best one to call for the given issue.
Is there one of those 6 who you think will be most receptive and responsive to your issue? When was the last time you spoke to that person?
Reaching out shouldn't be the hard part. The hard part is deciding which of those 6 people is the best one to call for the given issue.
Is there one of those 6 who you think will be most receptive and responsive to your issue? When was the last time you spoke to that person?
Posted by wagtailHeyhey 😄Posted by RumiLRumiL my lovely, always welcome haha
Wagtaaaaail (:
IDK what to say on topic lol. I don't speak up about certain things too...sometimes I wish there was someone I could sit down and cry to but... never gonna happen :p I want to stop feeling like this TBH. The urge to share has gone down a lot actually.
How about diary? I used to write diary... It's very comfortable lol. Only thing is, it will not hug you back or speak up lol..
Yes I just posted about journaling! Same wavelength chica!!
The urge to share has gone down a lot... How so/ why so
😘click to expand
Hmm how.. IDK, wagtail.. Lol. I am comfortable with having no one to talk to maybe... You know, wagtail, whenever I would share I would also feel like I "need" someone. I didn't like the feeling... Plus, whenever I would share also, there are those feelings or the nuances that cannot be expressed with this small vocabulary that looks useless in such times. Luckily, I have my parents to whom I can just go and hug for a while...but if I start getting tears - they will be worried.. Sometimes they can hug me back and communication happens beyond but some times it worries them... So.. I try to avoid it. Because some other times the mere sight of my parents brings tears!
Sooo many reasons and nuances I cannot really articulate here either :p
Just that, I wanted to stop feeling like I need someone.. I am enough un to myself - I wanted to become that way.
And also... These feelings and all, I wanted to forget and leave behind with time.. So that they will not pile up inside. Like if I'm feeling something now I want to forget it the next minute and leave these feelings as click ticks. This constant reminded and effort towards "leaving" has helped me in many ways... It leaves a lot of burden . When I started doing this I stopped having urge to share even with diary. Because my mind itself was dropping things and I wanted to be here and now.
Will BRB 😄
Posted by SpiceNSugarThat was part of my conundrum - who would be best.
@Wagtail
Reaching out shouldn't be the hard part. The hard part is deciding which of those 6 people is the best one to call for the given issue.
Is there one of those 6 who you think will be most receptive and responsive to your issue? When was the last time you spoke to that person?
And why.
I know I can call. I just don't feel like I should. They have kids. Or are expecting. Or have jobs and husbands and bills and things to do...
I don't want to call with my own problem, I want to call to see how they are going or what's been happening...
I want them to vent to ME -that's what I'm used to.
And, really, my Scorpio bf is the only sane option but she's too giving. I don't want her to have to give to me too...
Wagtail!
If you decide to open up...dont worry okay! It's okay if you do it..and since you never do, I'm sure your friend would listen to you and help you.. Atleast connect with you for those moments. (: ..the beauty of this is ofcourse the connection...(: It will feel good wagtail!
Dont think too much Virgo mercury! :p
You are such a sweet soul to think so much on behalf of your friends.
If you decide to open up...dont worry okay! It's okay if you do it..and since you never do, I'm sure your friend would listen to you and help you.. Atleast connect with you for those moments. (: ..the beauty of this is ofcourse the connection...(: It will feel good wagtail!
Dont think too much Virgo mercury! :p
You are such a sweet soul to think so much on behalf of your friends.
Posted by RumiLI am overthinking it aren't I. To find the balls to be vulnerable... Sheesh. You are wise my friend- I overthink, the feelz they overwhelm meh,
Wagtail!
If you decide to open up...dont worry okay! It's okay if you do it..and since you never do, I'm sure your friend would listen to you and help you.. Atleast connect with you for those moments. (: ..the beauty of this is ofcourse the connection...(: It will feel good wagtail!
Dont think too much Virgo mercury! :p
You are such a sweet soul to think so much on behalf of your friends.
Thank you Rumi you're the best 🙂
Ps.
@truefantasy is this or isn't this the FreddieMercury syndrome... Please advise
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How do you control it when you're deep throating your man? œœ Lol, serious question though...
I find that whenever I'm out of a relationship and I'm starting to look again, I look for the same qualities as my ex. I was dating this cancer guy and he bashed on me for wanting to go to cosmetology school but to my surprise he's with a girl just as i
A guy I met 3 weeks ago is asking me to visit him at his place. I mean it's only been 3 weeks but he's already sending me "I miss u " messages. What game is he playing at? Is this a red flag or paranoia?
Fuq them....fuq men... Thank you
If a guy is pursuing the girl and wants her or whatever should the woman be responsible for bringing up a date? Or what are your thoughts on something like this?
I have something big but super private coming up this weekend and I need to talk about it with somebody, anybody...
I have hmmmm let's say about 6 different people in my phone I could call and say hey are you busy can I talk about something with you?
But it's so private and personal to me I don't know if I want to go there.
Like, I don't want to bore them and though I know they care I don't know if it'll even help.
I have never reached out about something like this before. It's not a habit I'm trying to break either but I feel like I need to.
How do you decide whether or not to open up and basically ask for someone's time.
Just time and a chat. @_@ is it just me?