What could possibly be going on

My friend is in a situation & I actually have no clue on what advice to give to her b/c I'm speechless! So I thought I'd ask you guys so you can better help me to help her =)

BACKGROUN😱 She's been dating this guy for about 3 months. She's an Aqua, he's a Sagg; she's 24, he's 29. They met online on a dating site & have been really into eachother since 1st meeting. Even though he lives about 30 minutes away from her, they've managed to spend atleast 2 nights a week together every week. He's told her that he's ready to settle down, get married & finally have kids since his "clock" is ticking. She wants the same things too. Everything has been going kind of at a slow pace (they're both guarded & like to take things slow). They both said they weren't dating any other people right now.

Every time they hang out, he gets more affectionate & opens up more & more about his past & family/himself. He introduced her to some of his family & even told her that he wanted her to join him on a cruise in Sept. 2011, which completely surprised her

Welp, her birthday was yesterday. All last week this guy kept saying "Somebody's got a birthday coming up!" In other words, he kept acknowledging that yes, he remembered even though she didn't have to constantly remind him. She told him the day before her birthday that the best gift of all would be for her to see him. She wasn't expecting him to buy her anything or put her on any kind of pedestal, but instead that simply spending quality time with him was good enough & would mean alot to her. She verbally told him this & he agreed & said, "Cool."

THE PROBLEM: He called her at 12:01am on her actual birthday; he was the 1st one to wish her a happy birthday.Problem is, she DID NOT hear from him for the rest of the day. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. She didn't contact him either b/c she was so in shock that this guy kept hyping up her birthday days before but yet didn't say 2 words to her on her actual birthday.

When he finally DID contact her, it was through text at 11pm. He said, "How's your birthday going for you?" She didn't respond so he resent the text 2 hours later at 1AM. She still didn't respond b/c she was so hurt that he'd conveinantly wait until the day was over to finally say something to her. Keep in mind, they've never gone a whole day w/o speaking.

There's a significance to why this guy decided to be a no-show specifically on her bday. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?:

-Is he just not that into her?
-Is he probably seeing someone else on the side?
-Did he purposely ignore her all day b/c he knew deep down he couldn't afford to take her out or do anything for her, thus he spared himself the embarrassment & just avoided her altogether?
-Is he afraid that him doing something special for her on her bday confirms they're getting serious, thus that's why he disappeared?

Had this guy not mentioned her birthday on the days leading up to the actual day, that'd be 1 thing. Maybe we'd chalk it up as "Hey, he's just 1 of those people that really isn't into birthdays." But no, he made it seem like he fully acknowledged that her birthday was important to both him AND her. He told her he was fine with them hanging out on her actual birthday, plus she made it clear that she didn't have any plans with anyone else, so it's not like he can use the excuse that he didn't want to step on anybody's toes and/or take up all her time.

Even worse...she still hasn't heard from him (now a day later). Even though I'm sure he took her silence/lack of responding to his texts to mean that she's probably disappointed in him or upset, I'd think that if this guy REALLY liked her, he'd apologize (if anything for breaking a date & not telling her) & give some sort of explanation. I think he knows that what he did (or really-didn't do) was dead wrong. He knows something is up since she hasn't said anything to him.

What do you guys think is going on with him?

I've heard of men forgetting a woman's birthday altogether. I know that if a man forgets the birthday of the woman he's with or that he atleast likes/is dating, that it could mean that he's losing interest OR that he just innocently forget. BUT even still, once a man realizes that she's disappointed, most try to make it up to her, if anything just for her since it meant so much to her.

BUT I've never heard of a guy actually remembering a woman's birthday, hearing her say that she wanted to specifically hang with him on her birthday & yet he be a no-show & NOT contact her at all.

On 1 hand, I don't want to jump to conclusions & say that he's not that into her b/c afterall, he did remember & he constantly kept reminding her that he remembered. Plus, there were no red flags or warning signs that he'd pull something like this. Everything was perfect & going smoothly until yesterday, her birthday. Now she is confused & I have no idea what to tell her.

I DID however advise her not to contact him. I told her to let him come to her & let him explain himself & that if/when he finally contacts her that she should appear bubbly & say she had a great birthday VS. being mean, going off on him or letting him see her sweat. And IF he apologizes & has a valid reason for why he was a no-show all day, THEN she should tell him exactly how she feels & express her disappointment in the fact that he wasn't there for her when she needed/wanted him to be.

This whole situation just seems puzzling b/c there's really no real reason I can think of as to why he'd pull such a stunt. If he wasn't interested in her like that, why'd he wait until her birthday to show that?! If he didn't want to spend time with her or if he knew he'd be busy, why couldn't he have just said that instead of semi-confirming a date & yet not contacting her at all? If her birthday was not significant to him, why'd he hype her up & make it seem like it was on the days leading up to it? Why'd he text her instead of calling her when he finally DID contact her at 11pm that night? What on earth is going on with this guy?!

I'm so into this situation b/c my friend seems to be devestated & really consumed with this situation. She's hurt b/c he just pulled the ultimate deal breaker & now she knows that she can't really take him as seriously anymore. I've had a man forget my birthday altogether, BUT I've never had 1 remember & yet disappear on my birthday

Think this one calls for asking him straight out...there's no use speculating and I'm sure there must be a reasonable answer. Maybe not one that suits her but in his mind.

They are an item so she should feel free to ask some hard questions and expect answers, the worst thing is to assume anything further!

@Sweethearts: I agree that jumping to conclusions can only add more torture to her b/c she may be wrong. BUT I also believe that a person's actions can sometimes speak louder than anything they have to say. Him not calling her on her birthday was 1 thing. But him not saying a word to her since, speaks even louder volumes. He's obviously not dead or wasn't too busy b/c he texted her at 11PM to ask her how her birthday was going. If anything had've really been wrong or going on, he would've AND should've told her so, instead of being ok with knowing that she was at home waiting on him & disappointed.

@Kstarks: His birthday was in Nov. It had already passed by the time they started talking, so even had she wanted to, she didn't get the chance to show him any love or be there for him on his bday.

@SweetLibra: Oh man, that's crazy. I will say this though: although we may not know the exact reason of why he did, nor are we sure that even if he DID explain that he'd be 100% honest, there IS a significance to why he particularly chose to pull this stunt on her birthday, of all days. There's a reason, we just don't know if it's b/c of something she may have done/said wrong OR if it's b/c of his own hang ups & issues he's dealing with.

On 1 hand, I think she should hear him out & get the chance to ask him what went wrong, if anything just for closure. BUT I don't think that she should contact him 1st or chase after him, since HE'S the 1 who owes her the apology & explanation. And hey, if he'd actually make the effort to contact her (he STILL HASN'T), THEN he'd be entitled to know how she feels. But nope, if he's too "busy" to even explain or call her then she oughta be too "busy" to chase after him, & express all these emotions to him that he obviously doesn't care about.

I guess it just comes to show that you can do everything RIGHT & yet still get played or done wrong. Sometimes it's not even that you did/said something wrong or turned someone off. Sometimes a person disconnects/clocks out from the situation b/c of their own hang ups or own personal issues going on. Problem is, I don't think she oughta contact him to get him to explain something that had he really respected her, he would've naturally known to do on his own. I don't believe that she should guilt him or have to make an effort to get him to speak to her. He knows he's wrong & that something is up & the fact that he won't even call her, even after knowing that it's very unlike her t have not said 2 words to him in 2 days, says alot.

hokay i could be completely wrong on this BUT

i have known a lot of sags in my life, A LOT. and i've been really close with a lot of them. from what i've seen, they tend to avoid negative emotions any way they can. the thing they hate MOST is hurting or disappointing someone they care about.

it seems to me that there are a few possibilities.

1. he's starting to get freaked out by how much he likes her and doesn't know how to tell her without hurting her so he's trying to "cool off" by distancing himself.
2. he couldn't make it to her on her bday and rather than having to tell her straight out and deal with the disappointment he just didn't. yes i knowwwww this would cause more harm than good in the long run BUTTTT people are strange sometimes.
3. he is planning on surprising her in the next couple of days and doesn't want to ruin it by telling her.

Posted by wheelhomies
it seems to me that there are a few possibilities.
1. he's starting to get freaked out by how much he likes her and doesn't know how to tell her without hurting her so he's trying to "cool off" by distancing himself.
2. he couldn't make it to her on her bday and rather than having to tell her straight out and deal with the disappointment he just didn't. yes i knowwwww this would cause more harm than good in the long run BUTTTT people are strange sometimes.
3. he is planning on surprising her in the next couple of days and doesn't want to ruin it by telling her.

Him not calling her at all saturday actually hurt her 10xs WORSE/MORE than him sending her such a bland text when her birthday was 1'2 hour from being over.

I agree with what someone said above. If he actually had a valid excuse, he would've doen his part in making sure that she atleast know so that she wouldn't have him all wrong. And hey, whether or not she believed his actual excuses would've been on her. But him not giving any reason or explanation at all is probably b/c he himself didn't even believe his own excuses, thus it's no wonder he's not wasting his/her time to tell her

I think this situation can teach us ALL something. Sometimes there are NO red flags or pre-warning signs. Sometimes you didn't do/say anything wrong (People always assume that if you get played or left behind that it's b/c you must've somehow done/said something wrong). Sometimes even if you wait to get to know someone for as long as possible, there's STILL a good chance that you may not see their true colors until THEY'RE ready for you to. Even the most investigative & over-analyzing person may be duped/fooled, but NOT b/c they didn't see the warning signs, but instead b/c the person duping them was just THAT good at playing games.

Now she's asking me what she should do now. It's now Sunday (2 days after her birthday) and she still HASN'T heard a thing from him. She wants to cuss him out & give him a piece of her mind & thank him for having such great timing to let her know that he wasn't as into her as he'd made it appear.

I told her to let him contact her. If he's lucky, she MIGHT pick up, but I told her that he's no longer entitled to her feelings. It's not about playing mind games & purposely ignoring his calls or purposely appearing cheerful even if you're really sad/hurt. It's about the fact that if he felt that her birthday and her feelings were unimportant, he oughta be shown too that he's not important enough for her to express a second more of energy into him. And yes, venting to someone, even if just 1 last time is STILL considered giving that person the time of day/energy.

I don't think he'll call her. He knows what's up. He knows she's hurting & if that wasn't his intention OR if he really knows deep down that he can't afford to lose her, he's def. a COWARD for allowing things to crumble. This dude had a slight chance by pulling what he did on Friday, but now that he hasnt' said a word to her since, he ruined his own fate. Your intentions have GOT to MATCH UP with your words AND actions. If not, you'll always be the person that "meant well" but yet have alot of enemies, no friends & 100 people mad at you all the time.

i agree that what he did was cowardly & wrong, considering that it's two days after her bday and he still hasn't contacted her at all so there is probably no surprise coming.

i was just trying to provide some potential explanations for his actions, not condoning them. sags' avoidance of negative emotion is one of the things that drives me nuts about them. sometimes they'd rather just run away than confront, even if it's more hurtful to everyone in the long run.

I know it's not cool to sign bash, but Saggs tend to be a bit of a law unto themselves.

I think it was Amethyst who summed them up so well: "it's my world and you're just in it."
They tend to be around when they need something and a bit reticent in returning the favor.

Is there any updates on the situation? Maybe Valentines Day will see him spring into action?

Sounds to me the guy got scared. Someone before mentioned about the girl stating what she would like for her birthday and I think the guy just got scared. Perhaps he felt overwhelmed about him sharing what HE wanted (marriage, family...etc) and was not sure how to handle that. I think sometimes we forget that men can be just as frightened at the idea of giving their hearts away and leaving themselves to be vulnerable to another.

Please don't misunderstand, I am NOT making excuses for this man, I agree with many of your opinions/guessulations and I agree with K7 as she should NOT contact him. He KNOWS his behavior was unacceptable. If I was this girls friend, I would advise her to stay busy with herself and her life. Continue keep moving forward and if this guy really believes in his heart of hearts that she is the one....he will eventually open up and share as to why he acted the way he did.

Great points guys!

On 1 hand, I agree that she shouldn't contact him; after all, if she's not important to him then he's no longer entitled to her feelings. HOWEVER, I think she should tell him how she feels & how extremely disappointed she is in him, even if she has to contact him 1st. If she's going to initiate contact, it shouldn't be any time soon, but I def. think it'd make her feel better if she made him give her closure OR if she could atleast know that she got her feelings off her chest, whether he asked for them or not.

I'm really hoping that this guy doesn't think that he can just up & call her 1 day next week & smooth everything over. The longer it takes him to call, the more hurt she is AND the more done she is with him. At this point, it doesn't really matter what his excuse(s) were. Well, unless somebody in his family died, there is NO excuse for what he pulled. And I highly doubt anyone died; & hell, even if they had've, he STILL should've told her that or atleast SOMETHING!

I can understand if this guy was scared. After all, doing something for a woman on her birthday or for Valentine's day can kind of make the fact that things are getting serious, official. However, if he was having intimacy issues or if he really didn't want her thinking things were more serious than they really were, he picked the WRONG time to get that point across to her.

And hey, let's say this guy was just leading her on the entire time. What was 1 more weekend of "pretending" gonna do?

The fact that he STILL HAS NOT contacted her just further confirms that his disappearance was deliberate. I guess the big question is why did he wait particularly until her birthday to pull this? He could've done this 2 days before, 2 weeks later or ANY other time other than her birthday! It takes a cold hearted & cowardly man to purposely and deliberately pull away on a woman's birthday! That's the same as a man dumping his girlfriend on Xmas or Valentine's day. What great timing!

Posted by LoveBucket
With him disappearing the way he did, sounds like a mutable thing to me and, Sagittarius IS a mutable sign. I say when you're dating a mutable sign, things like this come with the territory of being with one of them.

That's just CRAZYYYY to me! I mean I completely understand that we all eventually get scared, fear intimacy or atleast feel the need to run, but sheeeeeesh, I'm sorry but I don't care WHAT sign he is. Even when you're feeling scared or like running, there's still gotta be some sense of dignity/integrity in the way you do or go about things.

That's the problem. This guy is probably at home suffering, worried that he looks like cold-hearted Ahole & douche, & hey, he can't be mad if that's other's perception of him b/c his actions are clearly that of someone who is a cold-hearted douche.

Even if he lost interest or didn't want things to get any more serious, he could've found 1 million other ways to get his point across. I just think it's cowardly when a person's 1st resort is to completely devestate another person. If this guy ran away b/c he was afraid ot hurting her, it seems odd that his solution was to do the 1 thing that's considered the MOST cold-hearted! It's almost hard to imagine that this guy has any heart/conscious or soul simply b/c of the way he did things. Seriously, what would 1 more week of "pretending" or being serious have hurt?!

If I were her, I would've probably gave in a lonnnnng time ago & told this guy exactly what was on my mind! I would've let him have it the min. he texted at 11:15pm talking about some, "How's your bday going for you?" I would've probably lost it right then & there. It almost seems like he purposely hit her up when it was too late just so he wouldn't have to see her--he knew it'd be too late for them to go out anywhere or go anywhere. And since they've never had sex before, the mere fact that he hit her up (by text, mind you--which makes it even WORSE) so late at night is even worse, considering he waited until "booty call hours" to even acknowledge her.

She wants to go off on him so bad. Sure, it may not make him feel bad--after all, if he never cared about her to begin with, it'll be damn near impossible for her stinging words to actually sting him. Only a person that cares would be affected. BUT, I think she'd feel alot better if she just got it off her chest & had her closure that way. She may NEVER know exactly what his reasonings were & I think day by day she's starting to accept that. It's just the closure thing that's bothering her, especially since none of us even saw this coming! I mean they were literally perfectly fine until all this birthday stuff happened.

My other friend suggested that she should've told him how she felt the min. he texted her at 11PM asking her how her bday went. I agree but then again I don't agree. She purposely didn't respond to his text b/c she was hurt & had the feeling that he purposely waited until it was too late to acknowledge her on her special day. But who knows, maybe had she gave him a piece of her mind right then, maybe he would've explained & maybe this whole situation wouldn't have gotten as bad as it has. Yeah she ignored his texts, but she expected him to get the point that she was disappointed, thus he was supposed to call her the next day, apologize & do some explaning. But he didn't.

But hey, who knows. Maybe had she vented to him right then & there after she got that text, he would've explaned. I highly doubt it. She didn't respond b/c she didn't want him to know that he'd affected/ruined her birthday. She didn't want him to know that she was literally sitting at home & waiting on him.

Oh Pluhleeze...enough with the "guy got scared" excuses.
They are guys - they go to war, they drive trucks and planes and spaceshuttles.

Nothing scary about telling someone "you're not the one for me and I don't want to waste your time or mine."
It's not scary, it is being honest.
You can choose to be friends or not but at least everyone knows where they stand.


If someone dies there is now a snazzy invention called the telephone so you can alert people to the situation.

Jerkometer tipping over into red here.

I guess the moral to the story is ...



.. next time she won't tell a guy who is eager to celebrate her birthday with her not to worry about him getting her anything, which was a lie, of course .. next time, she will stfu and stop putting him off about her birthday and let him enjoy, as he obviously was up until the point when she told him she didn't want him to get her anything.




He's probably actually happy at this point, because he found out early that she doesn't tell him the truth, so he can find a woman who is true.

Players are fucked up, they hurt peoples feelings all the time, and it's fucked up ... hopefully he can move on now away from her, the Player.



I feel sorry for him .... he was so excited about her birthday, kept telling her about it as each day brought it closer, and he obviously couldn't wait ..... then she throw the bullshit out to him, telling him not to do anything - giving him the impression that she didn't want anything from him.

When in reality, she did want something from him, she did want him to celebrate her birthday with her .. instead of letting him express his way of giving to her, she nipped it in the bud ... she gave him the exact opposite signals than she was feeling ... I guess so she would have something to manipulate him with.


Now she has something to hold against him ... to make him perform in a way that does put her on a pedalstool ... there's no doubt in my mind that she now expects him to come snivelling back, totally apologizing to her (for something he never did wrong) so she can keep him on her string.

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Oh Pluhleeze...enough with the "guy got scared" excuses.
They are guys - they go to war, they drive trucks and planes and spaceshuttles.

This. Is. Awesome. 😄

The guy didn't get scard, he was talking about a future with her, for petes sake. He didn't forget about her, he called her first thing to tell her happy birthday.


Go back and read it again .. he was all into her birthday until the day before her birthday when she squelched his excitment of the approaching day by telling him she didn't want him to do anything for her, she didn't want to be on the pedalstool.


Women are fucked up .. they think that it's all about their own feelings. I'm proud of this man that he stood up for his own feelings, instead of giving in to this, for if he did then the whole relationship would be about her feelings, and his wouldn't matter.



Aquarius?

Posted by ellessque
do you really think men are that complicated?

I'm thinking not.

I'm thinking he wasn't even thinking about it. period. no explanation.

The thought didn't even cross his mind that she said she didn't want anything. She didn't make a production out of it, so he didn't. he was given a message and he followed directions.

I don't think he had any ill will or thought much past that.

go back and read it again .. this man kept talking about her birthday ... how can anyone say he forgot? Or he wasn't interested?

What do you mean by men being complicated?

She hurt his fucking feelings .. what's so complicated abotu that?


Why don't you guys try to walk in his shoes? What would you do, how would you act if you were all into your boyfriends birthday, talking about it .. and then he's like, no, I'm not really into you buying me anything.

You'd fucking be so hurt, you'd be crying a river.

Posted by krysrenee7

All last week this guy kept saying "Somebody's got a birthday coming up!" In other words, he kept acknowledging that yes, he remembered even though she didn't have to constantly remind him. She told him the day before her birthday that the best gift of all would be for her to see him. She wasn't expecting him to buy her anything or put her on any kind of pedestal, but instead that simply spending quality time with him was good enough & would mean alot to her. She verbally told him this & he agreed & said, "Cool."

How could anyone assess that as him forgetting, or being scard?

He spent all the week before taunting her with her upcoming birthday ...

How can a guy win with you women?


If he didn't put her on a pedalstool to remind her of how special he thought she was ... she'd be bitching about that too.

There's no doubt in my mind that Krys gave her the wrong counsel. Krys gives everyone the wrong counsel ... in Krys fashion, she likely told her friend that he was all wrong and that she shouldn't call, that he owes her an apology.


::: sighs :::



No matter what a guy does to try and please you females, you're not happy.

Perhaps, you should stfu with bashing him, and look at the common denominator = you

Posted by ellessque
SHE did not make a big deal of her birthday so he didn't.

SHE has nothing to be pissed about.

Neither does HE.

It should be dropped with lesson learn.

NEXT TIME she should SAY WHAT SHE WANTS and don't BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

Makes things a whole lot easier.

Aloofness is something the Aqua needs to work on .. it comes back to bite them in the ass.

Her birthday was not a big deal .. you are right, LS .. so why make it a big deal now that he heard her and didn't make it a big deal?

Mixed signals anyone .... we have it in Aqua flavor !!!!

Yeah, I can't help but feel the communication between these two suck. That's a problem that will rear it's ugly head over and over and over again.

Posted by SweetLibra

Why in the hell would his feelings have been hurt by her wanting to spend her special day with him instead of anybody else in the world? Why would he not be flattered by that?

Well obviously he didn't think this was flattering, now did he?

Perhaps, you need to stop and think about this from another angle.

She tells him in so many words ..... don't worry about buying me anything, I don't want that kind of special treatment, I only want quality time with you, in togetherness.



And he sits back after this phone call and thinks ...... so, what? my time I've been giving all this time has just been chopping liver?




What everyone seems to be missing from this scenero is his feelings. His feelings in the matter according to her own tesitmony (as we recieve it 3rd hand, and we all know Krys isnt' exactly honest) .... is that he couldn't stop reminding her of her birthday coming, so this means he was excited ...... excited ..... but, that doesnt' matter, does it?

He could be a sensitive guy, and could have been insulted by a comment of quality time .. I know I would be if my man told me that. If I had spent a week pumping him up and he made the reference that he just wanted me to give him quality time .. I'd be really pissed off.

You get quality time from me everyday muther fuker .... everybody just disregards that fact that he has feelings .. I guess because he's a guy.

So, if that is true ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ .. then can someone please explain to me why you ladies continue to have fucked up relationships.

Why didnt she text him during the day to see if he was coming round? Instead of waiting and setting him up to fail? Some people need to be told exactly what to do in order for them to do it.

Instead of now ignoring him she should tell him she was upset that he didnt make an appearance. He can say he didnt realise that she wanted him too as she never said anything on the day about him coming round and no plans were made. They can arrange a day that he will spend with her and then everything can go back to the way it was and they can learn from this that they need to comunicate better.

Number one rule when dealing with men: They do not take subtle hints, they do not take obvious ones either TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW YOU WANT THEM TO DO IT (doesnt neccessarily mean they will, but that way it leaves no room for error lol)

UPDATE!!

She finally broke down, gave in & called him last night!

He answered. Long story short...He claims he had NO idea that she didn't respond to his 11PM text all b/c she was mad. He honestly thought she was out with her friends/family & he didn't want to interrupt that, especially since he hadn't heard from her at all that whole day. He figured that when she was ready to "fit him in" her birthday schedule, that she would've called him, but since she didn't, he just took a backseat & claims he "waited all wkend" for her to call. He apologized for everything & said that he could've done more on his part, since he really did want to see her. He claims that he got her a present/small gift that he'd planned on giving her. Even though she called him 1st last night, he swore that had she not called him, he was gonna call her today (Valentine's day) anyways.

This whole argument was centered around him supposedly knowing that her not responding to his text on her birthday meant that she was upset. Welp, he claims that he never would've guessed that she was upset. Crazy.

Posted by BelovedAssata
.
Aquarian girl: Well, actually, I don't really care for birthday festivities all that much, it's just kind of weird at how people seem to celebrate the anniversary of the day that they were conceived and getting older and being one day closer to death. The whole ritual somewhat turns me off, and also that I'm expected to get excited, tearing at wrapping paper in avariciousness, demanding people acknowledge my existence, and also the act of blowing all over food that we're supposed to be eating later? Do you know how insanitary that is? I actually prefer to be humble on my special day, because really it's just like any other, you know? So we can do what we usually do, because I appreciate you, and all the things we do together and you don't have to go all out on my account. Okay? (Translation: I want us to hang out on my birthday.)

No, that's true. She made it very clear during other coversations that birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. were VERY important to her. She wasn't surprised that he hyped her birthday up the whole week before & that he was the 1st one to call her when the clock struck 12AM Friday morning b/c she knew a part of him doing so was him acknowledging that birthdays meant alot to her b/c she told him so.

She didn't downplay or minimize the aspect of how important birthdays were to her. No, she minimized the fact that if he didn't go above & beyond for her on her bday that she wouldn't be devestated. There's a difference. They're not in a relationship & even if they were, she didn't want him feeling super pressured to do anything on her birthday only & simply b/c SHE wanted him to. She wanted HIM to naturally want to make her birthday special. And to be honest, I think that kind of thing oughta be natural when you are really feeling someone. Should you ever have to "remind" your family/friends/partner over & over again on Christmas or on other special occasions that it'd mean the world to you if you saw them OR atleast heard from them?! Should any of us really have to remind our friends/family/partners to atleast speak to us on those days? I don't think so.

When it comes to believing him, I'm actually 50/50. Regardless of his innocent intentions, I still believe that he could've done more & in those areas that I feel he could've, even HE said he could've done more. But I also told her not to let him go just yet

My advice to her was NEVER "Get rid of him!" If that were the case, I would've never written this post, asking for other's outside opinions. The whole point was to say "Get rid of him" as a LAST resort, not 1st. I knew that there was a slight chance that he really did mean well & that there were other possibilities & meanings to his actions other than "He's just not that into you."

I don't think she over-reacted at all. She's a woman whose been seeing a guy for a long time, who randomly disappeared her entire birthday weekend. Not only did he not make an effort to see her but he didn't even speak to her.

Keep in mind, even if she thought she was busy with other friends & family, he could've at any time atleast spoken to her during those 3 days, if anything just to make sure that she was alright, having fun or even better, if she had time to fit HIM into her schedule.

Since they've been dating, the both of them have had deaths in their families & other really stressful events happen, BUT YET they still managed to atleast keep some contact through the entire phases. I don't blaim her for thinking "something's up" simply b/c we're talking about a guy who has NEVER gone more than a day w/o atleast speaking to her & it's just kind of odd that the 1 time he CAN go w/o speaking to her/seeing her, it just so happened to be her birthday weekend. That's pretty odd to me, especially since it was unlike him.

In the past, even when he or she was very busy & didn't have time to see eachother, he ALWAYS atleast said something to her, even if it was just a simple "hello, goodmorning" or "How are you?" But on her bday weekend? NOTHING.

Point blank, when a person REALLY wants to see you (he claims he literally waited allllll weekend to see her), they'll say something or atleast make an effort. Even if the other person is being stubborn or being busy, the person that REALLY REALLY likes you won't feel any shame in either wanting to be INCLUDED in with her bday plans with others OR atleast asking if she might have any room/time for him since the weekend is almost over. But no had she never called him, he would've never said anything (by his OWN admission). So yes, I def. think that's a red flag

Krys seems to prefer drama

People, people, people!!!!!

You are talking about a dude here!!!!!!!!!!


Dude = clueless buffoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


He probably thought he was being terribly cute and romantic when he called at 12:01 on that special day. Problem solved!!!!

Opps.............
Bet he don' make that mistake again.......

Posted by BelovedAssata
Though, I think from what you told me, I'm probably 80 percent sure that Sag guy DOES think he's in a serious relationship with her...but I'm sure that'll just fall on deaf ears, as per usual. But yah I'm done with these dating oriented threads, and arguing with fixed signs...goodness. lol..

Either way, everything I say, YOU say & everybody says is just an assumption. Yes, I could be over-reacting & over-dramaticizing everything just like your responses to what you think is going on could be naive or minimizing. Only HE knows what it is.

I didn't come here to argue with you. It's ok for you to disagree with every thing someone says (you have the right to) but the minute someone disputes anything you say, you make it seem like the discussion is now closed since no one took YOUR advice at word's value & left it at that.

Do I think this guy deserves a chance? Absolutely. Do I think what he did could've been seen as an early "red flag?" Absolutely. This may not be true of all guys but it's no secret that 1 of the 1st signs that a guy is NOT into you is in how he responds to birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

What I say on here is NOT necessarily what I say to my friend personally behind closed doors so where you're getting that I'm somehow feeding her mind with negative things that can affect their relationship is beyond me. She asked me for the advice & before I gave it to her & left it at that, I came to this site specifically for the purposes of getting a more open-minded view on things. NONE of us know the exact reason for his actions-some think it's a red flag, others don't. I can't knock those who see "warning/danger" signs b/c of this situation just like I can't knock those who feel it was all harmless.

Sheeeeeesh

I was the 1st one to remind her that "Yall aren't together yet," so it's not like I expected for him to go above & beyond for some woman he's just dating.

However, whether they're together or not really doesn't matter in this situation. They made plans & he broke them w/o offering up any explanation or saying a word---that's a matter of communication & communication is important whether you're dealing with a friend, co-worker, family member or significant other.

I don't advise people to start pulling out the "well technically we're not together" line on everything b/c "technically" what 2 people do for eachother while only dating can be along the same lines as what 2 people do when they're official. Some people only celebrate each other's birthdays if they're officially in a relationship, while others do so the minute they emotionally attach to the other person (emotions can be felt way before a relationship even begins).

She admitted that she shouldn't have been so stubborn & not said a word to him. She admitted that she could've done better with communication on her part too & she agrees that this whole situation was just a big misunderstanding. However, she chooses to still see his actions this past weekend as a signal for her to take a few steps back from him. Like most people said, she needs to watch to see if it becomes a pattern. There'd be nothing for her to watch for if his actions couldn't possibly suggest soome ill intentions. She's beiing told to "watch" b/c everyone knows that 1 thing men who are NOT into women have in common is that they disappear around important dates. Sure, technically it could all be a big misunderstanding, but remember that initially, all we had were ASSUMPTIONS. None of us may be right/wrong.

My tone about things and/or whether I believe this guy doesn't really matter at this point. She's the 1 dating him & she's the 1 that's gotta make the decision as to whether or not she's gonna keep dating him or not.

I have my assumptions/opinions, but I want to make it clear that I'm 50/50. I won't apologize for that either. Sure, some of the experiences I've had & some of what I seen out there could easily sway my opinion in situations like this, but hey doesn't experience sway most of our opinions on most things anyways? I'm no different. I've had 2 guys tell me that they believed he disappeared on her bday weekend b/c he didn't care; they weren't saying it b/c they could read his mind or knew this guy personally, but instead b/c they can remember only doing such to a woman that they were trying to play or weren't that interested in.

I've learned that sudden & abrupt changes in behavior/actions towards another person can easily be a sign that things are going sour OR it could be a big miscommunication & everything be innocent. Only time will tell

Everybody's assumptions & assessments of other's situations comes from their own experiences. Some of us may offer highly pessimistic views while others are more optimistic. Either way, only he knows the truth. What I feel doesn't really matter b/c I'll never know, plus this isn't my battle--it's hers & his. I hope they end up getting past this little hurdle & moving foward to be in a relationship.

I think it would be safe to assume that people know a lot of other people, and it would also be safe to assume that of those lots of people, there are at least two dozen that are known quite well, and out of those people known quite well, there are at least 5 known really really really really well ...


... Krys apparantly knows this woman so well, that she apparantly knows her mind, she knows her every motivation, she knows the reasons why she does the things she does on a very intimate level.


And that sounds a little fishy to me ... out of those that are known really really really really really well ... I don't know their minds enough to be able to say it is fact.



I'm beginning to think that Krys makes up these stories .. love of drama, I guess, I don't know. Does anyone remember the thread she made about how her friends are so revengeful that they would actually literally damage a man's testicles?

I thought then .... that the room smelled like bullshit. This room is begining to smell that way.

Lorena Bobbitt ... at the time of the cock-assassination, we lived about 2 miles away.

I remember driving to work, it was around 6ish, maybe five-forty-five, and there were what looked like every cop in Manassas all hunched over, looking at the ground .. there must have been 30 cops, cars with lights flashing everywhere .. DogCops too. They all had flashlights, looking for something.

Later, I found out, we all found out what they were looking for .. I'll never forget that.


She took it with her, on her way to work, and as she turned left onto Centreville Road, off of Polk Drive ... she threw it out her window, it landed on a patch of grass about 100 sf, and then drove to her job in Centreville, like another day in the park.


Naturally, the little spot of grass is famous !!!!!!

I just looked them up .... Aries and Scorpio combo.

I was 12 and lived 60ish miles away when that happened and I'll never for get it either. What a messed up woman that was. It still makes me cringe.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by P-Angel
I just looked them up .... Aries and Scorpio combo.

who was aries and who was scorpio?

click to expand

John Wayne Bobbitt born March 23, 1967
Lorena Bobbitt born October 31, 1970

Of course she's the scorpio 😛

Oh P-Angel, I'm so glad that you continually keep inviting yourself into a room that by your own admission, you feel smells like "bullbutter" & is "made up." Seriously, what kind of person entertain something that by their own admission they feel is bull--perhaps you need some counseling hun =)

I never once said that I could read my friend's mind. Everything I've stated about her has come from HER mouth. She's a good friend of mine, plus she's very thorough & open with how she feels & what's going on, so I don't have to speak for or think for anyone! I made it VERY clear the difference b/w what she thought/how she felt VS. how I thought & how I felt.

@Beloved...Oh quit with the "fixed sign" bull. The only person who seems to throw a tantrum when someone disputes something is you! You're all ready to argue & it's all fun & games when you don't agree with someone, but the minute someone agrees with you, you bring the "fixed sign" creed into it, as if you can't handle someone disagreeing with you or thinking differently than you. If someone doesn't stamp your advice with "A+ approval," you start getting all hot & bothered & vow to leave the discussion. Welp, goodbye. Once again, you make everything about me. This post wasn't about me, this was about my friend & HER feelings. I didn't write this post to hear what you guys think of my opinion of this guy. I wrote it to find out what you thought about HER feelings that I listed out very clearly based on what she told me.

And hey, P-Angel, it sounds like you hate that I'm thorough. I know so much about this situation b/c honey, my friends actually open up their mouths & try to give me the whole story/picture/details before asking for advice. Forgive me for thoroughly listening & for writing down her thoughts just so people like YOU can come here & try to get a clear consensus on what's going on. Smh smh Had I wrote this post in 1 sentence, you guys would've been asking lots of questions so I went ahead & tried to answer alot of them for you so that coming in, you'd know the situation. You people are a trip.

Once again, bring on the character assassinations...do you people not realize how OBVIOUS it is when you blatenly switch the subject & start making something about me?!! I mean seriously, this post was about my friend & about what she'd shared with me, & NOT about other posts I've made on this site, my sign (fixed or not) or anything else.

@Beloved: I thought you were done?! How can you even go there about how many pages I write on my OWN posts when you just responded with 4 separates pages/posts yourself?! If you're done, be done. I saw your point a long time ago, I just don't agree with it. You saw my point a long time ago, but just don't agree with it. There it is. What is there left to talk about?! If I'm "fixed" for disagreeing with you, not seeing your point or whatever!, you must be too; the pot can't keep calling the kettle black.

You're taking this farther than necessary. Posting videos that have nothing to do with the topic..Trying to give me a lesson on "fixed signs,"...repeating yourself over & over again about how I'm wrong, how you disagree with me & which kind of sign you think I am...And blah blah blah. If you're done, act like it.

Back to the original subject...My friend & her guy are back on track now. They've talked everything out & she's gonna see where it goes. The end.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

You're new to DXP aren't you ?

lol .. that was funny


It gets even funnier than that, though .. she's been here for years, and the light hasn't gone off yet

Blah blah blah! You're talking a whole lot but not really saying much. Are you done yet?

@Evere: Honey, I've been on Dxp for a long time. I'm actually quite use to situations like this. It's actually quite hilarious =)

@Beloved: At some point you were dead serious. It's pretty conveinant that now that I'm done arguing with you that you're now going back & "LOL'ing" everything as if it were all a joke, but it's quite obvious that you were just as defensive as you claim I was. Smh smh

You cannot correctly solve a problem when you have the incorrect problem.