@justledouxit86
7 YearsScorpio
When to NOT listen to your gut/intuition?
When to Trust Your Logic Heart or Gut in Relationships
Choose logic when assessing potential red flags and long-term compatibility, especially if your gut feels uncertain. Trust your heart when your feelings of love and connection are strong, but ensure they are balanced with rational judgment. Your gut can guide you emotionally, but decision making should consider facts and future stability for healthy relationships.
Also, would like to add that my gut has almost always been right in the past, but I never listened to it and had to learn the painful way. Usually it's the opposite from my current situation... Usually it's my gut that is pointing out red flags, but my logic and heart are telling me to go forward.
So, in my situation at least, the logical thing would be to trust my gut. But since it is telling me something completely different than normal, is it possible it is just plain wrong? Have you ever not trusted your gut and turned out it was the right decision?
Always go with the gut....
**My logic says there are some serious red flags that may or may not ever be fixed and may just lead to a broken heart for me**.
Why would you want to move forward with someone with those feelings about her?
**My logic says there are some serious red flags that may or may not ever be fixed and may just lead to a broken heart for me**.
Why would you want to move forward with someone with those feelings about her?
Well, for one, my gut and heart say its worth it and these things are things I'm willing to accept and I believe (from what I know about her) she is willing to work on, at least the things she has control over. I don't KNOW that she is willing to work on them and I feel like right now she is too stressed in her life and now emotional from our misunderstanding (partially my fault) to really have a serious talk about anything. I told her I want to talk it about some day when things cool down and she is open to at least hearing me out. So, I see a lot of potential and I know her as someone who is mature (unless she is pissed off, then that goes out the window lol) and wants to make her life better, though I'm not sure she knows how. She is very smart and self aware, but I think she has been abused by her family and her ex(es) and doesn't know how to pull out of it. She is not like them in the least, but she is beat down and maybe a little loss right now.
Idk... This is part of my dilemma... I don't know which part of me to trust since I have conflicting feels.
You don't approach lahv like you would a business my fran x
So what you are saying is follow the heart (or gut in my situation?) and just let time tell? In my case, Im willing to take a risk and just let things flow naturally, good or bad. But still have to make decisions, even when conflicted. So how do you do both?
Intuition and gut feeling...same thing
Ugh.......Take it as a learning experience and desperation isn't a turn on. Step up as the best person you can be and the result will follow. Your thirst as a white knight is disgusting. I think she is smart by following her gut.
There is no such thing as a gut feeling. It's like saying love comes from "the heart". When really, it's all in your brain.
The so called feeling comes because you are deliberately offloading the burden of your intuition for negative consequences, unto your subconscious. Intuition is a rational facet constructed from experience and knowledge.
Like I knew my previous ex was a compulsive liar. I knew she was broken, etc. I have an open discourse with my intuition because I don't run from the truth.
Whenever I go into a situation, I am usually psychically ahead in terms of awareness. So you know I am taking whatever head on deliberately.
I think I get what you are saying. And I believe in my case, I wasn't unaware of things with her family as I was aware of her issues and knew they were coming from somewhere... It was in confirmation of it that made me want to take a step back and think about things. From the beginning, I've been willing to meet those things head on, but maybe I am just hitting a point where I need to reevaluate and move forward based on if I decide I am still in a place I feel strong to continue taking on the task of facing the situation head on?
My logic seems to be coming from the place of being told by other people (friends, family, and strangers) that there are red flags and needing to consider others opinions to make sure I am not missing something.
My "gut feeling" seems to come from a place of me having faith in the fact that I know her well enough to know she is capable and strong enough to overcome her situation, but whether she will CHOOSE to or not is where the risk is.
So, I guess if I go by what you are saying, I am only classifying my thoughts/physiological feelings, but my thought process is still trying to work out if I want to continue to take this head on. Does that sound along the lines of what you are saying or am I way off? Hopefully I didn't complicate it by using my situation, but want to make sure I understand.
Look into the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
Will do... Long time since college biology for me lol
If you're that serious about her, then I would just be honest, tell her you're interested in something more serious and growing the relationship with her but you're apprehensive about her family and actions
Well, I have been honest about my intentions and she knows how I feel about her. I do agree that I need to talk to her about my concerns with her family, I just feel I need to wait for the right time, since things are a little turbulent right now. Knowing her, because she is upset with me at the moment, she will be too defensive to have a rational conversation. But once enough time has passed and if her stress from outside the relationship calms down, then she will be open to hearing me better.
I don't know if just disappearing and hoping for her to change will work out much, but who knows, I do think it would be hard though considering she doesn't know your feelings about her or her family! lolz x
Well I don't plan on disappearing in hopes of her changing... I want to be there all along the way, even through the tough times. I am just giving her space/time while she is still upset about our recent disagreement... I feel she is overreacting because she is so stressed and knowing her, giving her time to think, she always come back around when she is ready to resolve whatever the issue is. She is a very logical and rational person... As long as you give her time to come to her own conclusions. (I think because she is a Virgo lol).
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Look into the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
Will do... Long time since college biology for me lol
Some of the new science is interesting and gets into detail on how the heart and brain all work together. The butterflies people get, explained. The flutters of the heart when in love, explained. It may help you understand and take a step back a little for a bigger picture.
I know its sciencey and sounds boring.
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My degree is in engineering and computational math, so sciencey is my thing lol Just have to find time when I can concentrate enough to sit down and actually absorb the material lol
Ugh.......Take it as a learning experience and desperation isn't a turn on. Step up as the best person you can be and the result will follow. Your thirst as a white knight is disgusting. I think she is smart by following her gut.
I know where you are coming from based on my previous post. I definitely have the white night syndrome... Working on that and perhaps you are right that I need to move on and learn from this and try again. I realize after some thinking that I've definitely lost some of my self-esteem and confidence this year, even before this relationship, as well... Another focus of my this year is to get that back. Gym, eating healthy, moving forward with my plans, and all that.
I still pose my question to you from a general stand point, not considering my situation. When do you listen to your gut and when does logic override gut feelings? Should it always?
Didn't you create a thread asking what kind of woman would suit you and saying that you were thinking of moving away from this one..?
Didn't you create a thread asking what kind of woman would suit you and saying that you were thinking of moving away from this one..?
Yeah, but I felt it might be inappropriate at the moment until I have ended things. Thought in the moment it might make me think about moving on more seriously, but I think I need to come to the conclusion based on the facts of the relationship before I can honestly move on. Eventually, I'll post it again... I am curious from an astrology standpoint 🙂
Didn't you create a thread asking what kind of woman would suit you and saying that you were thinking of moving away from this one..?
Yeah, but I felt it might be inappropriate at the moment until I have ended things. Thought in the moment it might make me think about moving on more seriously, but I think I need to come to the conclusion based on the facts of the relationship before I can honestly move on. Eventually, I'll post it again... I am curious from an astrology standpoint 🙂
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Sounds like you have already decided to end things?
Are you a water sign?
I personally feel like you found a healthy way to deal with a potentially messy situation...
Thanks... I am trying to be mature about moving forward and not let my deep Scorpio emotions cloud my judgement, which they do often lol I love this woman and want what's best for and I am trying to keep in mind that rescuing her is enabling her and that I have to set my own boundaries so her problems and my support for her don't destroy/break/hold up my life.
I do not baby her for acting out and go running to her to re-enforce that childish, stupid behavior
Remember, communication in a relationship is very important, if you two cannot communicate clearly, problems will continue to creep up down the line due to misunderstandings and a lack of clarity x
Goooooooood luck
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Thankfully communication has been our strong point in this relationship. She was a psych major and like I said is self aware, so we usually don't have blowups like the current one, as we can both talk it out and find a compromise. Which is also why I think she is capable of fixing her own issues.
I have trouble with that first part sometimes... Like someone else mentioned, I can sometimes act a little desperate and I'm aware of this. But I definitely think her reaction is inappropriate and don't want to encourage that in the future. Im pretty sure we can get past this one, but I guess we will see. Just going to let her come to me when she is ready.
I personally feel like you found a healthy way to deal with a potentially messy situation...
Thanks... I am trying to be mature about moving forward and not let my deep Scorpio emotions cloud my judgement, which they do often lol I love this woman and want what's best for and I am trying to keep in mind that rescuing her is enabling her and that I have to set my own boundaries so her problems and my support for her don't destroy/break/hold up my life.
I do not baby her for acting out and go running to her to re-enforce that childish, stupid behavior
Remember, communication in a relationship is very important, if you two cannot communicate clearly, problems will continue to creep up down the line due to misunderstandings and a lack of clarity x
Goooooooood luck
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Thankfully communication has been our strong point in this relationship. She was a psych major and like I said is self aware, so we usually don't have blowups like the current one, as we can both talk it out and find a compromise. Which is also why I think she is capable of fixing her own issues.
I have trouble with that first part sometimes... Like someone else mentioned, I can sometimes act a little desperate and I'm aware of this. But I definitely think her reaction is inappropriate and don't want to encourage that in the future. Im pretty sure we can get past this one, but I guess we will see. Just going to let her come to me when she is ready.
Ugh.......Take it as a learning experience and desperation isn't a turn on. Step up as the best person you can be and the result will follow. Your thirst as a white knight is disgusting. I think she is smart by following her gut.
I know where you are coming from based on my previous post. I definitely have the white night syndrome... Working on that and perhaps you are right that I need to move on and learn from this and try again. I realize after some thinking that I've definitely lost some of my self-esteem and confidence this year, even before this relationship, as well... Another focus of my this year is to get that back. Gym, eating healthy, moving forward with my plans, and all that.
I still pose my question to you from a general stand point, not considering my situation. When do you listen to your gut and when does logic override gut feelings? Should it always?
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I'm biased as a libra to lean towards logic. Some people are more intuitive with there gut feelings. I think it's something that you have to tap into and get familiar with to truly trust. Lib logic e=mc2.
Sounds like you have already decided to end things?
Are you a water sign?
I am still deciding, which is why I deleted that topic. I'm not ready to give up on things yet, just want to be realistic...
And yeah, I'm a Scorprio lol
Follow your instinct. And treat yourself right to to not take any disrespect from either her or her family. Do what is best and feels right for you, and in time when you're both in the right mental space maybe you could give it a try and make it work.
Thanks for your advice! So you think trusting your gut/instincts is always the way to go then?
I'm biased as a libra to lean towards logic. Some people are more intuitive with there gut feelings. I think it's something that you have to tap into and get familiar with to truly trust. Lib logic e=mc2.
So going back to my situation, logic should trump intuition is what you've been telling me here and in the other topic I started.
What if my gut is right 99% of the time and when it wasn't, it was more a lack of clarity on what I was feeling, whereas in this case I am pretty clear on what my gut says. So shouldn't my gut override logic?
Sounds like you have already decided to end things?
Are you a water sign?
I am still deciding, which is why I deleted that topic. I'm not ready to give up on things yet, just want to be realistic...
And yeah, I'm a Scorprio lol
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Scorpio usually feels very passionate about the person they're dating...if it's right. I know I do
Where are your Moon and Mars ?
Sounds like you have already decided to end things?
Are you a water sign?
I am still deciding, which is why I deleted that topic. I'm not ready to give up on things yet, just want to be realistic...
And yeah, I'm a Scorprio lol
Scorpio usually feels very passionate about the person they're dating...if it's right. I know I do
Where are your Moon and Mars ?
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Yeah I am always passionate in my romantic relationships, which is why I can't date for sport or sleep with anyone I don't see a potential future with.... Otherwise I'll get attached to someone, despite knowing they are wrong for me.
My moon is in Capricorn and Mars in Aquarius. Have my chart as a photo in my profile if any of the other placements help explain things. Novice at Astrology... Still learning lol
I tend to not listen to my gut instinct when I feel like driving into oncoming traffic at 100mph.
I tend to not listen to my gut instinct when I feel like driving into oncoming traffic at 100mph.
Haha Yeah... Can't argue with that lol
Gut instincts are immediate and based on "feeling" a situation. You add that to what logic tells you to make a decision. Hopefully they don't tell you the opposite. In this case, thinking about it this much, though, I don't think you're dealing with gut instinct. I think you're doing some rationalizing.
Makes sense, though I'll have to THINK about if I am rationalizing now too lol. I guess, in a way, I am worried that is what I am doing... Making rationalizations for how things COULD be, not how they are. But, at the same time, I have to evaluate the risk and I don't think I am blind to the potential of issues here... Just weighing them out at the moment.
I think if logic and gut said the same thing, I wouldn't feel conflicted because I know as a Scorprio, my heart does whatever the hell it wants haha
Btw, thanks for your input... Always appreciate someone blunt and honest who can also explain their thinking 🙂
A man should never listen to his gut feeling because it is lying to him all the time. Pre-Internet men were blessed because they always did what their mothers told them to do. Lazy bastards.
You need to find a hobby and get outta your head (shocking I know coming from a virgo lol). Let things play out how they're supposed to.
I go with a mix of gut and logic...I tried to follow my heart one time very recently and ignored everything else...it didn't pan out and now looking at it from my normal gut/logic standpoint...idk why I was surprised it didn't.
In the end you're going to do what you want...but I still think you need to find something else to distract you from this situation...if anything, you can come back to it with a clearer head, heart, gut, foot, teeth etc 😂
Anytime I go against my gut I’m wrong. Trust the gut.
I only listen to my guts. It has never been wrong.
Your overthinking it.
In this case listening to your gut/not listening to your gut is a moot point when it comes to pursing a relationship with her. She told you she’s not ready for a relationship. So there is the decision for you.
Keep being there for her as a friend, nothing more nothing less. A 6 year friendship isn’t nothing.
The tiff will blow over eventually. And when SHE is ready for more you’ll know. Right now the ball is in her court. So all this analysis is useless really.
I've found my heart to be a totally unreliable dumbass from time to time, so I listen, but it doesn't get the final word. 😉 Gut instincts give you useful information...I think a lot of red flags actually come to you from this, if you listen. Logic takes all that information and more and tries to make some sense of it. I say this as if I always act rationally. I surely don't, but I try to.
Yeah, my heart is DEFINITELY a dumbass... Most of the time lol Like I said before, my gut is usually the one pointing out the red flags, which is why I'm so confused now.
In your specific situation, what really is the downside to hoping for the best and seeing how it goes with her? Your heart certainly wants to. Would it cause problems somehow?
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Yeah my heart and my gut seem to think it's what path I should follow. So, I guess heartbreak for me is the worst that could happen... I don't have much respect for her family anymore, but did have fun hanging around with them and even have fun doing stuff with them... Well at least before our blowup... Have to see if they ever come back around. I think they will if things were to get serious. At least her mom... Her brother might not want anything to do with me... Maybe that's for the best though lol
I'm at a point right now that I think I will let her do her own thing and come back when she is ready for something serious. If she starts pursuing me again before that, I'll just go with the flow and try to keep my guard up. And if all gets to be too much, I'll have to decide then if it's really something I want.
Really don't know what else to do. Everyone is telling me to walk away. But that's not what I want to do. However, I still have to decide if a relationship with her will be healthy for me, no matter how much I may want it. Idk at the moment.
I've learned so much about myself from being with her, so in the end, it's not a total waste. Once I love someone the way I do her, though, it never goes away or fades. Only felt this once before and still feel the same for her after 10 years and her being happily married. I don't want to be with her anymore, but seeing her happy still makes me happy.
You need to find a hobby and get outta your head (shocking I know coming from a virgo lol). Let things play out how they're supposed to.
I go with a mix of gut and logic...I tried to follow my heart one time very recently and ignored everything else...it didn't pan out and now looking at it from my normal gut/logic standpoint...idk why I was surprised it didn't.
In the end you're going to do what you want...but I still think you need to find something else to distract you from this situation...if anything, you can come back to it with a clearer head, heart, gut, foot, teeth etc 😂
Oh I got plenty of hobbies lol I will admit that I have neglected then and even my business because I've put so much effort into my relationship. I'm trying to learn how to have a relationship where I don't give it my all while things fall apart in my own life (see my new topic about "white night syndrome" lol).
I'm starting to agree with logic and gut needing to be considered together. But when they say completely opposite things, I still don't know which way to go. My gut is rarely wrong, where as my logic has failed me on occasion.
Yeah... Definitely need a clearer head and foot haha
If she just got out of an abusive relationship, and you’re claiming she has little self respect etc., then the last thing she needs is a man’s pity.
I get what you are saying, but pity is not what I feel. I love her on a deep level that I've only felt for one other woman. I want to her to be happy... I can empathize with her pain and not feel pity 😉
She needs room to breathe, and not another man’s feelings to consider, since she needs to work on her own feelings and build her self worth again.
I definitely agree with you there and I have felt bad at times because I have put relationship expectations on her. I know they pushed her away at times. I got lost in my own feelings, selfishly, I know.
You’ve got this wanting-to-save-her vibe and frankly it’s insulting.
I could see how someone might be insulted by my jumping in and trying to rescue her. Especially since she is normally a very strong and independent woman before her previous relationship.
Because later on, if she hasn’t changed in the way you think she should, you’ll be resenting her for all your “help” and “support”.
Never been that way, despite always being the "rescuer". When I give, I don't expect anything in return. It is not a manipulation. Also, I may regret not putting myself first at times, but don't regret the effort I put it... At least I know I did my best.
I also don't have an expectation for how I think she should change... How she feels is what matters to me in the end. Right now I see a woman who doesn't think she has any worth, when she is actually quite strong and amazing.
You’ve already told us you claim she comes from white trash, so basically you’re above her and all. She’ll see through all that, or go back to being dominated by a man that thinks he knows what’s best for her.
I’d say walk.
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This one is hard to respond to... I in no way feel better than her or her fanily. I was just raised to show more respect and treat women right. When her brother basically tells me I don't have to try, that she puts out and is easy... This, in front of her mother and everyone thinks it's funny... How am I supposed to respect them? She claims it doesn't hurt her, but I don't believe that... On some level it has to or has hurt her so much now, that she is completely numb to it and just accepts it as the truth.
So, yeah, I think she deserves better. She has made some mistakes, yeah, but she is a good woman underneath her own issues. She has a big heart and deserves way better than how she has been treated. I am not a dominate man, infact I have often had a problem with being to submissive in the past and being a doormat. I know myself well enough to know I can treat her right... But I am realizing now that she has to handle her issues in her own way so she can gain that self respect. I am will to walk if that is what it takes. I can be selfish at times, but I love her and her happiness is way more important than my need to have a relationship with her.
So, thanks for your comments. They are harsh, but I can understand where you are coming from. Probably not enough information given so far for you to make those assumptions just yet imho, but they do give me stuff to think about.
Now, would you like to give your opinion on the actual topic of this thread? When do you trust your logic or heart over your gut? Has your gut ever done you wrong?
Your overthinking it.
In this case listening to your gut/not listening to your gut is a moot point when it comes to pursing a relationship with her. She told you she’s not ready for a relationship. So there is the decision for you.
Keep being there for her as a friend, nothing more nothing less. A 6 year friendship isn’t nothing.
The tiff will blow over eventually. And when SHE is ready for more you’ll know. Right now the ball is in her court. So all this analysis is useless really.
You are right about me over thinking the current situation I think. But it's what I do lol I probably should be a virgo, cuz I always analyze every single itty bit of information I have... Often just confusing myself lol
I do agree that at the moment, there is nothing I can do but be there when she needs a friend and let her do her own thing. I guess I will have to see when she comes back around where the both of us are at and make any decisions then. I know I shouldn't get my mind set on one way or another just yet because the situation is still fluid and will change. However, I still want to understand myself and how I interpret things and when I should listen to my gut when my logic doesn't agree.
One thing I can say about my experience with her is she has opened my eyes to new things I need to work on, how my ability to love has matured over the years I've been single, and in general, I have probably learned as much about myself, if not more, than I have about her lol
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Haven't really seen this question posed anywhere, at least in the same form. Figured I'd ask, since I'm facing some conflicting feelings right now... Though, this isn't really about my situation, so not looking for any specific advice. Just giving my situation as an example and posing the question generally speaking.
Ok, so for my situation... I've been seeing a woman for about 5 months now, though we've been friends for 6 years. We've both agreed to taking it slow and are not exclusive yet. S told me from the beginning she is not ready for anything serious yet as she is going through some stuff and working on finding herself after an abusive relationship.
Problem is, I feel for her hard core. Only felt this way once before. Took years to recover and have been single ever since, so I want to clarify that my position here comes from my feelings for THIS woman, not the fear of being alone or anything of that sort. Have no interest in dating until I've moved on if this relationship ends for good.
Anyway, we recently had a huge misunderstanding (have posted about it in it's own topic) and things have been a little rocky. I've discovered some things about her and her family that have me questioning if I see a future with this woman or if this is better left as a fling.
So the issue... I'm fighting between logic, my heart, and my gut.
My logic says there are some serious red flags that may or may not ever be fixed and may just lead to a broken heart for me. The biggest being her family is disrespectful and white trash and she herself has no self respect and unfortunately acts it out.
My heart says I am scared of being hurt again, but I love her and want something serious when she is ready. But if she can find happiness with someone else, I love her enough to let her go
My gut says just give her some space to get over our big misunderstanding and she will come around. When she comes around, I need to make some adjustments in how I treat the relationship until she is ready for something serious and I know it will be worth the risk and effort.
Again, not looking for specific advice, though you are welcome to use my situation to make your point. Just want to know when do you choose logic or your heart over your gut feeling? And why?