Fighting with my Sagittarius mom

So, I'm 25 years old and I live alone. I went on a small vacation last weekend and the journey back home didn't go well at all. There were major problems with the trains and I even thought I wouldn't be able to get home the same day and by the end of the day I was tired and not in a good mood. When I called my mother to give her updates because she was supposed to pick me up at the train station I talked to her as if she was annoying me and she screamed "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT? IT'S NOT MY FAULT WHAT HAPPENED". And she hang up the phone. She's not usually the emotional type and she knows about my mood swings. But she's been a bit stressed lately. When we were in the car, it just blew up. We used to fight a lot when we lived together but now we don't fight often. I think the last time we fought was 4 years ago before I moved out.

Basically, when we lived together she brought a cat home because I was always asking for a cat. Then we moved to another country and she remarried only that her husband was allergic to cats so the cat obviously stayed with me. She divorced and is now living alone again but I have the cat because obviously, the cat is mine. She still loves the cat and buys her food and sometimes pays for vet appointments but the cat is mine. I always told her that I don't want pictures of the cat on facebook. While I was away for the weekend, she went to my place to give her food and stuff and she took a picture of herself where you can see my cat and my living room and posted it on facebook. I asked her to delete the picture but, as always, she doesn't give a damn about what I think so she refused to do it. I reported the picture. I might seem crazy, but it's still my right to not want my cat and my living room on facebook specially when she has friends on fb that I simply hate. I don't want those people to see my cat and my house.

So, I reported the picture and she started saying that I was going to regret that and that the cat was hers. The thing about my mom is that when you go against her, she looks like a child. I was giving her valid arguments and she was "hum hum of course!" "The cat is mine" all the fucking time. And she is incapable of seeing other people's point of view, especially mine 'cause I'm still 5 years old in her mind. The fight then escalated. I have an uncle who can who's a bit on the psychic side and he once told my mother that I was holding a grudge against her because of something she did to me that hurt me deeply and my mom wanted us to talk about that but back then it wasn't the right moment (right after my grandfather's funeral). So of course, the other day, I started talking about it. When we came to the country where we live now, her husband was difficult to deal with and she was under so much pressure that I was the one who paid for it. She made my life a living hell. I couldn't recognize her. Before we came here she even wanted to leave the cat alone in our home country with two friends of mine watching over her. When I told her this the other day she started saying it wasn't true and that I was lying. So, I texted one of my friends who was supposed to watch over my cat to ask her that if she remembers the whole story and she said yes, so I took a screenshot and sent it to my mom.

She is not perfect and she needs to understand that. She has never said the words "I'm sorry" to me. Never. And she acts like the victim. She called me selfish! Selfish? A few months ago she went through a legal process with her ex boyfriend. I was the one who was there for her. That thing was so emotionally draining to me. I had a friend telling me "Why are you doing this to yourself? Your mom is a grown up woman she can deal with her own problems. Did you see how you've been lately because of a problem that is not even yours?". It was that severe. And in the meantime I had to deal with my life and all my problems too, including my own breakup. I haven't been the same after that. It was so emotionally tiring. Sometimes I just wanted to flash my phone down the toilet and disappear to a place where no one knew me.

I love my mom. She's the most important person in my life but I think it's about time she understands that I'm not a doll and that I have feelings too and that I'm not 5 yo anymore. She has done a lot of things for me and her life has not been easy especially after my father died but she needs to appreciate me more. And the things is that when we fight, she automatically goes into her spoiled child mode and there's nothing I can say to make her see my point but if I don't see her point, I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life. She said she already took responsibility for her mistakes. She did pay for some of her mistakes but not the ones she did to me. She doesn't even know what her mistakes were. She once left me alone to spend Christmas with her husband. I had to go to a friend's house for Christmas because my mother was on a vacation with her husband, he attacked me in many ways, she was never capable of standing up for me, all she cared about was pleasing him. And she was so mad at him all the time that I was the one who ended up paying. But she doesn't even realise that. All she could say the other day was "I hope you don't regret it". I'm tired of this. How do I deal with this? She has sun, mercury and venus in sagittarius, her moon is either in sagittarius or capricorn (I'm not sure about her time of birth) and mars in libra. I have sun in virgo, moon in aquarius, mercury in libra, venus in scorpio, mars in cancer and my rising sign is aries.

Thanks in advance for your replies.

Hmm. Family counseling?

"I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life".

I'm a mum and cannot understand why any mother would say that to their son or daughter

Spend as little time as you can with her ...

Posted by MyStarsShine

"I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life".

I'm a mum and cannot understand why any mother would say that to their son or daughter

Spend as little time as you can with her ...

But she's my mother and I love her. And we need each other and she's done so many sacrifices for me. I just want her to understand that she's not always right and that it is possible for her to live her life the way she wants while being considerate of my feelings.

Posted by DMV

Hmm. Family counseling?

I don't have time for that... Nor the money.

Posted by MyStarsShine

"I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life".

I'm a mum and cannot understand why any mother would say that to their son or daughter

Spend as little time as you can with her ...

Sounds like her mother is a narcissist.

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by MyStarsShine

"I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life".

I'm a mum and cannot understand why any mother would say that to their son or daughter

Spend as little time as you can with her ...

Sounds like her mother is a narcissist.

click to expand

Sure does and more

😐

Anyone that puts a bloke before their kid is a piece of work👎🏻.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Anyone that puts a bloke before their kid is a piece of work👎🏻.

Agreed

I really can’t imagine that

Posted by queeneemy

Posted by MyStarsShine

"I'm the worst daughter in the world and the biggest disappointment of her life".

I'm a mum and cannot understand why any mother would say that to their son or daughter

Spend as little time as you can with her ...

But she's my mother and I love her. And we need each other and she's done so many sacrifices for me. I just want her to understand that she's not always right and that it is possible for her to live her life the way she wants while being considerate of my feelings.

click to expand

Good luck with that

You’re asking for help...so

I doubt she’ll “change”

all these coz you don't want her posting pictures of your cat on facebook?

i mean i know Sags live the victim life and often gold di-- oh wait multiple accounts nvrmind

Posted by brianafay

Posted by MyStarsShine

Anyone that puts a bloke before their kid is a piece of work👎🏻.

Agreed

I really can’t imagine that

click to expand

It’s unthinkable 😰

Well ya know reporting her on FB? Interesting. I’m a Sag and my daughter is a Scorpio.

Neither on of us likes to be told to do & yes there are blowups. But holy cow on this situation.

Counseling is definitely what I would suggest. Youboth have to work together on this. Blaming is not going to get anyone anywhere.. each person taking responsibility for themselves will. Yes my daughter & I have done counseling but more separately then together. There are places you can go, books you can read. Research it. No excuses.

Your mom does sound childish and petty

And unfortunately you were raised by her and therefore you probably also have these same petty tendencies (like the cat thing)

Just squash it, it’s not worth it.

She’s your mom, and you’re right she hasn’t always been the best mom to you. She’s not perfect. She’s a human being. As we get older we start to see our parents as regular ass people and all their flaws.

But don’t forget she loved you first. Before she ever met you.

Not suggesting you be a doormat to her...but love her and all the hot ass mess she is

Well I will answer and give my opinion as well, being a Sag. Your mom gave you a cat, spent time with her boyfriend on ONE Christmas when you were a child? teenager? adult?

Seriously? Her issues are her own, you don't need to carry any burden for her, let her handle her own stuff. She is the parent, you are the child. She may not feel like she has to justify anything to you, based on that reasoning. And there are things you need to forget/forgive about if it's something she can't change. One Christmas and you're still in emotional pain from that? There had to be some reason why she planned the trip around that time.

You are an independent adult individual, you should be able to live a life without blaming your mom for certain things, especially if it wasn't abuse or neglect.

You had a roof over your head, food on the table and you seem to be the one acting like a spoiled brat. She took a picture of your cat and posted it to Facebook and you reported it, so the picture is gone. Yes she shouldn't of done that, but you most likely know you're mom didn't think it was that big of a deal, and you probably can tell when she thinks that, she will do what she wants. But since you reported the picture, she most likely won't post it again out of spite.

The whole thing about her saying it's her cat, seems like she's just being petty because you guys are arguing and you're being dramatic about the cat situation.

Tell her your home is private and if she can't respect your privacy then you don't want her over there, that you will find someone else to feed your cat. Be blunt and to the point with her.

If there are childhood issues that you want to bring up, have a sit down and get it all out, but she might think you are being a little dramatic. Seems like both of you think that about each other. When you guys argue, you should keeping mind that she knows who the parent is, and you are her child. She doesn't want to listen to you. If you are trying to tell her about herself, she may not listen. If you are arguing and use the words "I", it will sit better with her, less projecting and more talking about what you actually need from her as a parent. (I'm assuming, since you didn't say what you argue about or how)

You are a Virgo that keeps track of every minute detail, She is a Sag that will gloss over a lot and just remember the big picture. You are gonna have to meet somewhere in the middle. You're issues may not ever get resolved if you can't hash it out and forgive her.

If you want an apology, then be upfront and say "When you did this and this, it hurt me and you never even apologized for it."

The thing that will get through to her is opening your mouth an using your words, it doesn't have to be in an argument, she will be on the defensive. Have a calm sit down with her and write down what's bothering you and hash it out.

Reading this was a bit confusing and contradicting for me.

You complain she still treats you like a 5 year old.

But at the same time your mad she decided to spend 1 Christmas on vacation with her husband. Seems like in that instance she did treat you as an adult, so....

You complain that you were emotionally drained by being supportive over her legal financial issues with her ex.

But when you are gone travelling she comes to your place to care for and feed the cat. Even paying for vet bills. Isn't that her being supportive with her time and money?

This whole explosive argument came about because you were annoyed by the delays and decided to direct that annoyance at her.

You said "I talked to her as if she was annoying me and she screamed "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT? IT'S NOT MY FAULT WHAT HAPPENED". And she hang up the phone." You gave her attitude so of course she's gonna give that attitude back. But she was there to do you a favor and pick you up after your vaca. So that kinda effort and kindness should win some brownie points, don't you think?

Next time order an uber or lyft. And pay someone to watch your cat. Cause reporting her pic on fb seems petty af after she went out of her way to care for said cat and pick you up from your vaca.

Count your blessings you have a mom who cares about your well being and that of your pets.

Fire Mercurys probably don't think before they speak

Posted by HearttofTopazz

Posted by PinsNNeedles

Posted by HearttofTopazz

I love Sagittarius women... but there’s not a whole lot of use in arguing with them. I mean that in the nicest way possible lol. They can be so back and forth sometimes, that it’s better to let them work it out somewhere else and keep the distance. Establishing boundaries with your mom is going to be your only way to maintain a relationship with her. My mom is a sag and most of my best friends have been Sags lol.

Noticed that too.

In other fire signs as well. There's a bit of quality in them that idk how it invites them to babying and smothering someone. It's when that "passion" goes overboard.

Definitely. My mom is extremely controlling of everyone in her life but she has Scorpio Venus too. It’s extremely unhealthy and makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. Lmao!

I love my mom but I always have to send her this and she’ll back off lol

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

click to expand

That quote is beautiful 😍