I guess I was wrong......about S&S

My Sag male & I (which I am a Sag female) have so much in common that it is so bizarre sometimes. I love him so much it hurts. I asked him to move in with me and he said yes and even told his friends and they said he was all excited about it then two days later he tells me he can't fully commit right now and only wants to date. I was totally dumb founded. Everything was going so perfect for us and then he freaks out and backs away. I asked him why and he says he is just not ready right now. He practically lived at my house as it was and then all of a sudden he completely freaked out and now can't commit to a even a relationship never mind living together. I am completely devastated. I told him I can't go backwards in a relationship and he told me that's all he can do right now. I told him that we need to cut off all contact then because I needed to be allowed to heal. (Which, I just want him but I won't share him). He can never stay away from me and I know this and I don't really know how to handle all this yet. I deleted him off my social website so I don't have to see what he posts or what someone else posts on his site. He actually sent me a text this morning saying "did you seriously just delete me" I told him yes and it was so I wouldn't be hurt seeing things anymore since his stuff is blocked to everyone and so is mine except for friends. We have so many friends in common that it will be really hard to avoid him. Even one of his best friends is my room mate. This is such an awkward situation and very painful. Not sure if he will change his mind or not and if he does, I'm not sure I can put myself in a roller coaster situation where he will pull away again. I haven't loved someone like this before and this is affecting my work, my sleep & my social life. I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere until this feeling passes. I still can't believe this has happened.

gah wall of text

I know how you feel to some extent, although my trouble is with a Libra. It hurts when you have feelings for a person and you assume they feel the same way about you through interaction, what they say and how they say it. Honestly, you have to let him go to find your own sanity again. As Sag females we tend to be so dettached at times when our emotions finally get the best of us with something or someone we want they generally consume us to the point where we are completely blind to everything that is so wrong with our "Relationship."

I've been back and forth with this for almost a year, the third time around is when we got really close and he claimed I meant something to him (BS). If I meant something when I expressed how I felt about him he would have done more than said "I don't want anyone, I value what we have, it is great." I let him know that would most likely be the last time we ever spoke because being his friend wasn't enough for me, it hurt, and I deserve more than what I'm getting.

Do I believe it's over? No
Do I want it to be over? Yes/No/I don't know

I would love for he and I to be friends again, but I need some serious time away from him to gather my thoughts and sort out my emotions or this is always going to be a problem. It does get a little better everyday, knowing I won't text him and he won't text me helps but everytime my phone goes off I get butterflies hoping it is him. It's just one of those situations where you could either sit around and wait for him to make up his mind or get out there and live your life and meet another guy that truly deserves to have you cry for him. Chances are you'll see each other again eventually, say "Hi" and walk away. Leave him guessing and confused.

I am completely consumed with thoughts of me and him. It was weird how he would practically smothered me and always wanting to know what I was doing to him feeling like he didn't have his freedom. He would text me ever morning when he got up for work and through out the day asking what I was doing and how my day was and how much he loved me more than a lot and he would even be at my house before I even got home from work (which he had a key to my house) He also always wanted to be with me all the time basically and then he tells me that he feels like he doesn't have his own space and he can't commit right now and he is just being honest. If that is not confusion, I don't know what is.

Painful situation and yet you did the right thing by not allowing this man to have all of you without some kind of commitment--relationships move forward and truthfully he has to be the one to move it forward or the relationship will potentially stall and go nowhere and that's exactly what happened, if a man doesn't move forward then the relationship doesn't move--it ends, some men are comfortable with friends with benefits and yet realistically he's wasting your time if he's not moving things forward with you.

It's not really his fault though, you put all your eggs in HIS BASKET, had you dated him and dated other men and allowed one the BEST MAN to win your heart, you probably wouldn't have gotten so wrapped up in ONE man, dating one man at a time is bound to HURT YOU because while you're serious about him--he's just dating you for fun and the inevitable result is rejection, dating several guys (dating doesn't mean sex) gives you the opportunity to WEED OUT the serious men from the non-committal men. If you're the type that can't date more than one man at a time then you really HAVE TO LEARN how to pace yourself so you won't move ahead of him in the feelings department, it's important that you go really--really slow UNTIL YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW he's in it for real.

Posted by tiki33
Painful situation and yet you did the right thing by not allowing this man to have all of you without some kind of commitment--relationships move forward and truthfully he has to be the one to move it forward or the relationship will potentially stall and go nowhere and that's exactly what happened, if a man doesn't move forward then the relationship doesn't move--it ends, some men are comfortable with friends with benefits and yet realistically he's wasting your time if he's not moving things forward with you.

It's not really his fault though, you put all your eggs in HIS BASKET, had you dated him and dated other men and allowed one the BEST MAN to win your heart, you probably wouldn't have gotten so wrapped up in ONE man, dating one man at a time is bound to HURT YOU because while you're serious about him--he's just dating you for fun and the inevitable result is rejection, dating several guys (dating doesn't mean sex) gives you the opportunity to WEED OUT the serious men from the non-committal men. If you're the type that can't date more than one man at a time then you really HAVE TO LEARN how to pace yourself so you won't move ahead of him in the feelings department, it's important that you go really--really slow UNTIL YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW he's in it for real.

Excellent advice!!!

@OP, I have been in S&S relationship......my Sag husband proposed to me on the third day when he first visit me from different country. Sag men don't have much patient...he can't wait to get the ONE he really wants.

If any guy uses the "excuse" that he is not "ready" for U...whatever.......that just means he is not the Mr. RIGHT for you, and also, you should know that he would never be "ready" for U.

Please do not feel so sad to find out the truth. At least, you know you should not waste your precious time on Mr. WRONG, then go on to find out your Mr. Right. Best Wishes, my Sag sis 🙂

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Wynter
gah wall of text

Tell me about it!!! Jeez...

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I know. I peeked and I said I have to look at this later lol.

Oh well. He sucks. You'll get over it when you re-realize your worth again. That was a serious douche move though even if he isn't one :/

I was with tiki up until the last paragraph. You don't need to be a serial dater to distinguish between a man that's good for you and a loser.

I don't date. Tried the fwb out once and it's not for me. Instead I honed my good guy radar and it's been working for me ever since. Sure, I didn't stay with my previous 2 bf's forever, but each one lasted years and each new partner is better than the one before by leaps and bounds. The one I have now wants the same things as me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me... and he tells me every day through words AND actions.

Hmm

It's okay if you don't agree that's the greatness of this place....

I was simply pointing out that a person can actually figure out QUICKER if she's dealing with the real deal or someone whose overestimated his likeness and interest.

Women have to KNOW that the FADING out---Changing his mind is a normal outcome when dating so putting all of her eggs in his basket can lead to a disappointing outcome, having other OPTIONS--CHOICES lessens the blow of disappointment especially when a woman has several GOOD MEN/OPTIONS in front of her that's all too willing to stay, that one guy that leaves doesn't seem all that important anymore because she hasn't placed her happiness ON HIM she can easily move on to greener pastures.

if a woman doesn't want to serial date that is COMPLETELY FINE as I stated she has to date slow, very slow to ensure it's REALLY REAL. Some men get so caught up on the chase--honeymoon--as the hormones settle well he soon begins to realize THIS IS REAL and he backs out, if she's dating multiple men well the sting and disappointment is LESS because she has other potential suitors vying for her affection, the sting is minimal.

Women don't have to serial date but it sure helps a woman keep her self esteem high when she can see other men that she's attracted vying for her time and attention, serial dating isn't a prerequisite although I do recommend it I don't feel it's a requirement to have a successful relationship.

This isn't ABOUT SEX, this is about dating, men do it all the time, they date and date and date until they find that ONE person he feel he can make a priority in his life. This behavior doesn't just apply to men, there is power in having CHOICES--OPTIONS.

It's NO ONE WAY that's the right way but there are ways that work if a woman commits to PUTTING HERSELF FIRST instead of worrying about finding one guy to focus all of her energy on only to be dumped later, feeling rejected and unable to move on, stuck on someone whose gone, that's miserable and can be avoided with a few behavior changes.

Posted by Mebs

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Wynter
gah wall of text

Tell me about it!!! Jeez...

I know. I peeked and I said I have to look at this later lol.

click to expand

shiit, im skimming through the comments trying to get the gist of the original post.

Posted by DMV

Posted by Mebs

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Wynter
gah wall of text

Tell me about it!!! Jeez...

I know. I peeked and I said I have to look at this later lol.

shiit, im skimming through the comments trying to get the gist of the original post.

click to expand

She was with a guy, from what she's experienced and what he has said they were in love. She asked him to move in, he says okay, then decides later he just wants to dates and he doesn't want anything serious. She's hurting a lot and is trying to cope. I think that sums up the main points. Hope that caught you up.

i probably wouldnt have asked him to move in. men need to be men and make that decision on their own. he probably felt like a punk moving into his gfs place.


moving in with someone or even talking about it is one of those defining moments in a relationship. make or break

You are probably right about the move in part. He had told me well, what if we don't work out in 6 months then what do I do. I said to him well, what if we do and he can't seem to make that leap. He came by this morning to get the last of his stuff at my house and he gave me a hug & was shaking like crazy which then he said well, I had about 12 cups of coffee this morning. (I know better, he doesn't drink more than two and it was still early). We had a trip planned for this upcoming week that cost a lot of money and he we are still going together even though this is happening but we aren't together. I am very crushed by him but I also kind of understand why he is doing it. I do know he loves me but he is very afraid to give up his place which also means his freedom which some might say. The last female he lived with was over 2 years ago and she messed him up pretty bad when she left with his kid. He has never moved in with anyone but he woman in the past have moved in with him. It's all foreign to him and he is waiting for something bad to happen like it has before. It's not all about sex with him because a lot of the time I don't get it unless I initiate it. I don't think he has really ever had a real woman because he is immature in that area. He can be aggressive when we joke around and flirt but not much in private which he seems to be kind of shy for some reason sometimes. My mind is going a million miles a minute about what to do about him. I don't want to let him go but I know I need too but I am going to do this trip this coming week and then let him completely go. I will do my best not to sleep with him but can't promise myself anything. Thanks for all your advice. I love hard and deep when I love someone and I can't even imagine being with anyone else right now or probably even for a long time because that is just how I am. I can't multiple date men either. I focus on one and that is what I want. This one, I totally love and I really don't know how to get him to realize I am not here to hurt him but to love him. Not even sure I ever will either but this is how I feel now. I hate being a female sometimes and having all these emotions completely consume me.

Wow, I haven't been on here in a very long time. Last time was April 21st. I was reading what I wrote and how I felt at that time and what change since then. Well, we went on our Vegas trip and we ended up getting married. We weren't even drunk when we did it. We got married the last day we were there and we even made an appointment the night before. Well, he did move in after that...lol. The first two months were a huge adjustment for both of us and then it started to calm down. Now he can't run away which, he doesn't want too and it's an awesome feeling. Now he says, well, you are stuck me forever 🙂 I am OK with that! He makes me very happy but also can be a pain in my butt sometimes but damn, I do love him a heck of a lot. He is very good for me and I am very good for him. I am one lucky and happy woman!

One of my closest and dearest friends is avast female. We seemed to just click from the start. I approached her first, but she said she wanted to remain friends. I think that with us Sag males, we are so blinded by our search for the "one" that we forget to look at what is in front of us. I think that he simply got used to having you around. I'm not faulting you for asking for a real commitment, but in his mind he felt that he simply had time and could ask when he felt he was ready. And who knows when that would've been. Is there a chance? Yes, as long as you two have truly healed, forgiven, and can move forward. If there's one sign that can do that, it's us 😉 . Give him time and space to figure things out. I'm sure he will be back.

To Sour Patch Sag. Although I'm a male, I know exactly what you're going through. The feelings are no different. My last relationship was with a Libra...my first. We had been friends for eleven years and the connection, not chemistry, was undeniable from the start. We never hooked up and she went on to marry a Scorpio. She filed for divorce late last year and we dated shortly after. What was between us was the very definition of what God meant to exist between a man and a woman. The connection between our signs is a deeply emotional one. That is why the breakup is so painful and will leave a lasting impression on both. I did the same things you did. Wondering if I was someone so special to her, some she loved very deeply, why no contact? The fact is they don't like bring the bad girl/guy and feel very guilty for hurting you. As each day goes by, I think of her less and less. The pain is pretty much gone...but the memories never will be. You'll get there...in time. Move forward.

I meant my closest friend is a Sag female. Damn auto correct lol