Aries lady needs help with Scorpio fiance

I am Aries (4/2/80) and my fiance is Scorpio (11/14/78). I love him and he loves me, but he said something lately that really made me sad and confused. He said he wishes I were "more of a challenge." I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he knew I was loyal and loved him, but that it would be nice if I were more unpredictable sometimes. I then asked him if he meant by that he wished that I would cheat on him and lie about it like his last gf did and he got angry. It was a low blow and I felt bad, but I don't understand what he means by being more of a challenge. I asked him did he want a marriage or a game of Jeopardy and he said I was misunderstanding him.

The thing is, I was engaged before, to a Leo, who literally the day before our wedding rehearsal dinner said he wasn't sure about being married, so we postponed things. I later found out that he had gotten someone pregnant, but by that time, he had broken off the engagement and I was heartbroken and looked like a fool in front of everyone. And this was a man who told me every day that he loved me and wanted to build a life with me. So I don't want to get fooled again. I am an open, honest person who does not like to play games. I thought he understood that. I am wondering if he is getting cold feet like my fiance did and that is making me pull back. We live together but I told him I needed time alone and am over my sister's for now. He has called a lot, but I just don't feel like talking to him now. I have done nothing but research men and relationships and found something on astrology. So I read up on Scorpio and a lot of this is him to a T. I found this board from another site and hope I can get some guidance, or if there are other discussions that would help me figure out what is going on, I would appreciate that, too.

All I can say as a female Scorp...I love the challenge...even when I was married. NOT games per se, but a little dance, make me work for it. I left my husband because he bored me and was SO predictable, Scorps don't like that, at least I don't. I cannot be smothered either, I need space.

I am sorry you guys are seperated now. The best way is to let him ponder, and then sit and talk about it at some point when you are comfortable.

Welcome to the board, there are some great ppl here

Thank you, Sophie. I appreciate your point of view. I too love space. I insisted we get a 2-bedroom because I knew that I'd go stir crazy being in the same space with him 24/7, though I do love him.

I can understand your idea of challenge, but here is my issue - he has told me repeatedly that what his ex did tore out his heart. He didn't date anyone at all for years after her. He told me that she'd withhold sex unless he gave her money or bought her clothes. She'd lie about her whereabouts and then throw it in his face. He said that being with her made him question all women. So I guess for me, I like being honest and upfront because it seems like he never had that before, plus that is how I am. If I am going out, I tell him where I am going. This seems normal to me.

I guess that I just feel angry and hurt that what he seems to be saying is that though she humiliated him and didn't love him, his old relationship was in some ways "better" than ours because it was unpredictable. And that bothers and scares me - I don't want a husband who holds a very dysfunctional relationship up as a standard. I am not going to go back or think about the wedding until I have thought this through, and I will take your advice to just let him think about things.

I guess that I just feel angry and hurt that what he seems to be saying is that though she humiliated him and didn't love him, his old relationship was in some ways "better" than ours because it was unpredictable.

is this your conclusion or did he say this?

The thing is you're being yourself, right? If that's not enough for him and he wishes you were something other that what you're...that's a big question mark for someone you're looking at forever with in my opinion so I wouldn't dance to his tune. Will he do more to get you to be more of challenge is another question?

Scorpio and tact...HUH!!! No such thing! AND completely agree with you.
Getting married is HUGE and seriously, no one can change their [personalities for anyone. He is now showing what he needs and wants (too bad he didnt do this b4 you got engaged!)...so now is the time for you to assess and figure out of this somethign you can handle in a marraige.
Sorry to hear about this...it just plain sux when someone shows true colors when its the 4th quarter,

Saying "I want to be challenged" is not the same as saying "I want to play a game". You are misunderstanding.

If he wants more of a challenge, then he needs to go find that. You should continue being who you are, as long as you are comfortable with that, and he should be comfortable with it also.

"If he wants more of a challenge, then he needs to go find that. You should continue being who you are, as long as you are comfortable with that, and he should be comfortable with it also."

Give the guy some credit for confiding and tell her what he needs. He could have Gone out and got this from someone else But he did come to her and was upfront about what he needs. If they have that kind of relationship she should be able to go to him in the same manner. Scorpios can be very blunt i know i've been with my scorpio fiance for some years. Yes rollercoaster ride it has been, i'm Aquarian but i guess i love the wind. Good Luck

Thank you all for your comments. We have talked and he has elaborated on his concerns and if anything, I am more confused.

He said that he likes having a routine, and he does. He does the exact same thing when he comes home from work, orders the same things when we go out, watches the same shows, has the same weekend rituals. He says he understands that for HIM, that is comfortable. But in me, he wishes I were more of a 'wildcard.' He said there were a few things he meant:

a) We have sex a lot. He says he loves that, because he loves me and he loves sex, but he wonders sometimes what it would be like if I made him wait for sex or put him off for some reason other than illness or my period.

b) He knows where I am at all times. Why? Because when he asks, I tell him, and I tell him the truth. He says he loves that I am trustworthy and honest, but that sometimes he wonders what it would be like to wonder where I am and what I am doing.

c) He says he sometimes feels like I don't speak my mind to him and that he sometimes wishes that instead of shrugging off a comment he says he knows might make me angry, that I instead tell him to shut the fuck up.

So we talked about all that, and I explained that I can only be myself, and the person I am is one who loves sex, loves honesty and hates meaningless conflict. He said he knew that, he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, and that maybe he is just not used to being with someone who is steady and dependable.

It scares me, though. I try not to project my broken relationship with the Leo onto this one, but it hurt so much to be told over and over that I was the one, this and that. I also don't like the idea that being a healthy partner (i.e. steady and dependable) is seen as some kind of liability. It is all very confusing. He is honest and straightforward, which I really love, but this all really makes my head spin.

Ray's Heart, my relationship with him, prior to all this, was very good. I treasure honesty and he is nothing but, even when it sort of hurts my feelings (i.e. telling me a dress makes me look less than flattering or that a joke I told wasn't all that funny). But since most of my past significant others have been trickester or liars in one form or another, the honesty is refreshing to me. I think that many Aries like the refreshing no bullshit of many Scorpios. Thinking about all the Scorpio friends I have, they have all been very honest and upfront. Secretive and guarded at times, yes, but I can respect that, as well. I also think that Scorpios emit a sexual energy that Aries find really hard to resist!🙂 No one I have dated before has ever really matched my sex drive and my fiance is very open-minded and experimental, which is great. I have had fantasies that other men might find off-the-wall, and sharing them with him, he just says, "OK, we can try that," and it's amazing. So I think in Scorpios, Aries find kindred spirits - honest, forthright people who are strong, smart, and not afraid to explore and dive beneath the superficial.

Scorpios have this sado-masochisic streak in them - itz their inner struggle which cant be helped.

Moreover simplicity can win you fans but not lovers.

How is your relationship with him? I attract Aries a whole lot and never really understood why. I got love for Aries but can't see a relationship. Is there something that I'm not seeing?

Ray, (my take on it is similar to yours - I don't see the relationship but great friendship).

The attraction's due to the Mars rulership - you're looking at another who understands your battle instincts. A lot of other signs don't get that.
Aries gets into battle mode, expresses and is done with that battle...very short and quick.
Scorp gets in the battle mode and it will take forever for the battle to come - that's why so many say they seek revenge.

This is the major relationship issue,
fire and water sign...fire has emotions (let's say they're emotional air signs - they're logical in their emotions but the emotions come out before the logic).
- Scorp as water are emotional earth signs (the emotions are rooted in intuition - it cannot be seen by most others other than water signs).

When Aries expresses, they attempt to engage logic, Scorps try to engage intuition so Scorp doesn't see Aries as in depth or challenging enough...and Aries wonders if Scorp's insane for feeling what's not logical.
You end up with two people over expressing but not knowing how to communicate it.

That's when Aries can help, Aries forces Scorpio to speak out more and no matter how it comes out, it's better than if it didn't come out at all.
Aries can help a lot speak up - my Cancer boss used to get me to go extract information - Aries is personal, naive and innocent in approach, we shoot to the point, conquer and move on...there was no yesterday or tomorrow - only today exists to Aries --- so no malicious, strategic or underhanded use of information.

You'd never believe that their inside would be that sweet from how it's expressed and released.
Fire burns...literarily.
Aggression... battle instincts

We all feel similar basic emotions, how we express or the depth it cuts makes us different.

That's why I say no sign is stronger or blah-er than another - just different ways of doing similar stuff.

lebelier .... it sounds to me that you have become a doormat.

Nobody really likes a person who is a "yes dear" person.

He's not saying to do these things to cause a reaction in him, though because he is a Scorpio, he can only express what he's saying as it being described by how it would feel (water person typical). So, when he tells you this, he can only doso, conveying how it might feel.

But, he's not saying them for you to create these feelings for him, like in the drama that the girls said because they are .... he is referring to YOU making these choices to be an individual, as they are independent upon him, and in you doing these things, it will change how he views you, to equal .. an independent, rather than a rug.

For example ... let's say you were going to the store, and passed a new shop and you saw these fabuluous dresses hanging in the window. Gathering from how you described your doings, it would likely be pretty accurate to assume that you would sit out in your car in the parking lot and call him up on the mobile to tell him that you are making a detour before going to the grocery store.

He doesn't have to know this, he doesnt' want to know this .... you are free and capable in your life to go into a shop to go look at clothes at your own discretion.

He would rather come home and see you wearing this sexy/gorgeous dress and where you got it is a mystery to him, alls he knows is that you look fantastic ...... instead, it would be no surprise to him at all because you would phone him up first, to get his approval/acceptance for you to be a strong and independent woman to follow her desire of spontaneously popping into a store that attracted you.


Why in the world would you automatically assume that what he wants from you is what his past ex did that caused him grief, based off of your previous experience with Leo?

wtf? ^^^^^

You are you, he is him .. you are not the ex, his is not your ex. Why would your mind automatically conjure up images to infer that you two are other people?

it sounds to me that you have become a doormat.
really?

"would be nice if I were more unpredictable sometimes."


A doormat, really. When I first read that ^^^, along with the rest, I was thinking that maybe this guy was playing at her. But, then I read things like below, and it dawned on me that she has created this "doormat" condition ... in other words, too accommodating.


"We have sex a lot ... if I made him wait for sex or put him off for some reason other than illness or my period."

^^^ whenever he wants sex, she complies.

"He knows where I am at all times ... sometimes he wonders what it would be like to wonder where I am and what I am doing."

^^^ she informs him of all her comings and goings.

"He says he sometimes feels like I don't speak my mind to him and that he sometimes wishes that instead of shrugging off a comment .."

^^^ when an emotion surfaces and she thinks it might cause tension, instead of expressing it, she remains silent to it, so she can continue to be accommodating to him.



People don't like "yes dear" people, for the most part. If you feel something, want something ... speak the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be compatible, and to try and find harmony .. but, if this merging of two people comes at the price of one person forsaking their own desires as an individual to accommodate the other, as we see here .... then this person has ceased as being their own person and has become as the partner desires/wants.


This is unusual for an Aries ..... I would think this woman is a Cancer.

How may I serve you today, my dear.

What can I do to make you happy, comfortable, name it, I'll do it for you my love.

I will bottle up my emotions for you, my dear, so not to disturb you, my love, for I want only you to be happy.

Of course, I will blow you right now, it doesn't matter if dinner burns, I would happy to cook you anew my darling.




This ^^^^ is the impression I get when I read this. Whatever he wants, and whenever he wants it .... she does, and she does so thinking this is what he wants .. I guess because she is still living in the past, if she would revert back to ex's for discernment, and she said her ex was a Leo in which she couldn't fully capture because he gilted her at the alter ... and since Leo's are demanding fucks, who would appreciate a servant as a partner ....... it appears as though she is treating Scorpio the way Leo would have wanted.

.. and Scorpio is telling her that he does not want a subserviant woman.

As a scorpio I tend to gravitate towards people who don't make it easy for me, converation wise (I like a good debate) or otherwise.

This is how me (SCORP and my ex used to do🙂

EX: "Where are you going, hunny?"
SCORP: "OUT" (where what how when...no way..)

EX: "Let's have sex"
SCORP: "No thanks" (I would rather him start a slow process of coming onto me like we were dating then just have him say it, it's more passionate that way)

EX: " Let's bring the guys over and watch the game"
SCORP: "Not if I can help it" (then there goes the drama...us Scorps love that.)

"I try not to project my broken relationship with the Leo onto this one, but it hurt so much to be told over and over that I was the one, this and that. I also don't like the idea that being a healthy partner (i.e. steady and dependable) is seen as some kind of liability."


And yet you are projecting your broken relationship with Leo into this one. Not only in your treatment of Scorpio (you are treating him as a Leo would want of you), also in here, you make reference to Leo and how bad he hurt you, as it compares to the Scorpio man, for your purposes of measurement of how you are to regard this relationship.

That ^^^ is what makes you a liability, for that is what is causing you to behave suitable for the Leo, and projecting it onto Scorpio.

This is unusual for an Aries ..... I would think this woman is a Cancer.

this was my first thought and then I thought again

- she may not be giving us a full picture

- water signs don't say stuff without thinking about it

- I really don't see any doormat in this, but like I said in a previous post, water and fire speak different languages. I think she's being herself and can find someone who naturally brings out twists or turns or loves 'doormat'.

- Yes, there are people that don't mind 'yes dear' people if there's such a thing - I personally haven't seen that before - the so-called doormats project that for a reason.

- Also personally, I have never seen a young scorp in a drama-free relationship. My relative scorp pokes at his gf for no reason at all - I ask him why he did it, he said because it pisses her off and I say 'you realise that could send her out the door?' he looked surprised

- Leb, has a right to project her old relationship - which is unusual for Aries too - they always wipe the slate clean...

- The one thing I also see is Scorp projecting his old relationship on this one as a fixed sign, they don't easily let go >>> also, a drama-filled relationshoip may be his definition of relationship

- Bottom line, even if you appear a doormat, find someone who likes you for YOU whatever that is

- It is early days, what happens after marriage when he does something drastic to find that challenge?

Zen, clearly, I never said that she doesn't have a "right" to do or not do anything ..... she's asking for insight from different perspectives as to why, or what's going on ... and she got one from me.

Furthermore, these people aren't young .. he is 30 years old.


In agreement that her right course is to find a person to whom she is more compatible with ... however, she wasn't asking about a person to whom she is more compatible with, she was asking about this relationship and this man.

This man is not the Leo, period .... and just because he talks to her about his desires in a relationship doesn't equal him being like the Leo, nor does it equal him wanting her to be like his ex. To have a right to project this isn't in question ... what is in question is ethics, respect.

Nobody would want someone to treat you a certain way because they were upset at another person who had nothing to do with you.

ok fair enough - I'm looking at it from another perspective which is him projecting his ex on her...

She said she just discovered Astro so I had to throw out the compatibility out there...it wasn't necessarily for her, it was the classic 'FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU FOR YOU' in regards to People don't like "yes dear" people, for the most part. If you feel something, want something ... speak the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be compatible, and to try and find harmony .. but, if this merging of two people comes at the price of one person forsaking their own desires as an individual to accommodate the other, as we see here .... then this person has ceased as being their own person and has become as the partner desires/wants.

The tweeking of this and that is too early in my opinion - it's not 'we have no sex drive anymore...' type situation. I am not seeing the 'doormat' you paint.

According to her, this is a good relationship, she saw no issue but for him— Needs to be on the same page.

Good luck.

"which is him projecting his ex on her..."

And I cannot see how this ^^^ conclusion has been made.

"He said he wishes I were "more of a challenge." I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he knew I was loyal and loved him, but that it would be nice if I were more unpredictable sometimes. I then asked him if he meant by that he wished that I would cheat on him and lie about it like his last gf did and he got angry. It was a low blow and I felt bad, but I don't understand what he means by being more of a challenge. I asked him did he want a marriage or a game of Jeopardy and he said I was misunderstanding him."

There's nowhere in that original statement of hers that insinuates that he is projecting onto her anything to do with his ex, he never even mentioned his ex, he only spoke his own feelings about the relationship, which is what a person is suppose to do. If you feel something .. speak it.

There is mention in the above however, where SHE took this out of context, and assumed he wanted her to behave like his cheating ex. For she even said she felt bad about it, which means she knows she was in error for making this asumption, and he voiced to her that he was misunderstood ... which = he wasn't projecting anything about the ex onto her .. this is simply how she interpreted it .. in error.

she knows this was in error, or she wouldn't have felt bad afterward for making this false implication.

So, it is unclear to me how anyone can assess that he is projecting onto her about his ex in this circumstance. Now, perhaps, there have been other times where he's done this .. but, I cannot see it in this one.

"According to her, this is a good relationship, she saw no issue but for him— Needs to be on the same page."

There's no question that this, and all, relationship needs to be on the same page if it's (they) are to work out. How do relationships get on the same page? Does an invisible person come and whisper it in your ear? No, a partner voices their concerns, desires .. this is how two people get on the same page.

Now, if she came in here and said he was being a dick, I could see this .. but, he didn't. He voiced his concerns about the relationship in ways that would make him happier, and according to her, while he said these thigns to her, he also mentioned how happy he is in love with her.

She saw no changes that needed to be made, he did, and voiced them compassionately by instilling within her his endearment

He did exactly what he was suppose to do.

Daily, women come in here and say their man wont' talk to her, he won't tell her how he feels, he won't put forth any emotional effort in working to be on a same page.

This man has, this man is telling her how he feels ... and is in error according to women who, incidentally, are the same women who will also conclude he is in error if he doesn't talk about how he feels.


Damned if you do .. damned if you don't.


He loves her, he obviously has concerns about this, and voiced them to her gently. He could have ignored this, and just went merrily about HER way, until bitterness set in on his part.

Relationships are about TWO people .. and the fact that one of these partners has something to voice about the relationship doesn't make it WRONG just because the other person doesn't have this same issue.

What makes it WRONG .. is NOT communicating it.

Or, she could just play games like other women are suggesting .... to create dramatic emotional responses, instead of actually communicating like an adult to her partner.

there's communicating and there's COMMUNICATING, this to me isn't mature communication. Mature communication, a reaction is perceived>>> water signs do this best.
If it was an air or fire sign saying this, then MEH, would just laugh it off.
Bottomline is he wanted to make a change but this type of change is not something that will not change her - otherwise he will not plant this doubt.
He's being himself, trying to improve situations for the better for HIM after he has given her the impression of being secure in who she was before........and she's being herself thinking she's doing her best for the relationship HER way without finding out what he will like - will this be enough *shrugs*

"which is him projecting his ex on her..."

And I cannot see how this ^^^ conclusion has been made.

she said he has told her about how the ex created drama. Did the drama arise by the ex doing exactly what Leb is doing? I think not, but again I don't know I wasn't there. That was my train of thought and you say she interpreted it in error, we'll never know as he's not here either.

But I like your POV too...various perspectives is never wasted.

I see what you're saying, Zen ..... no matter what the reasons are for either of them having thier current issue, the fact remains ..

... two people cannot bring past relationships into the scenerio, or paranoia and doubt will be present.

She is not his ex, he is not her Leo ... those people are history.

Thanks for all your replies. First, I definitely am not a Cancer, though my mum is (7/18). I found out how to do a birth chart on the astro.com and this is what I found for me, being born my date, 8 in the morning (according to mum) in Bangalore India:

Sun = Aries
Moon = Libra
Mercury = Pisces
Venus = Taurus
Mars = Leo
Jupiter = Virgo
Saturn = Virgo
Uranus = Scorpio
Neptune = Sagittarius
Pluto = Libra
True Node = Leo
Ascendant = Taurus

No idea what any of that means, though. 😢

Also, he did bring his ex into it several times. He told me once that the only thing he ever knew about her for sure was that she was a liar. He said he never knew what she was doing or what she would do from minute to minute, but one thing that was consistent was that she was a big liar. So that's why I think that the ex factors into his saying he wished I was unpredictable. She was, but she was also untrustworthy which is why the relationship ended.

P-Angel, I understand a lot of what you are saying, but I am not someone's flying monkey. I don't give him an itinerary of my day. If we are getting together and I am delayed, I text him to tell him where I am. He is a commercial pilot and sometimes it is hard for him to call me, especially if there are delays or crew issues, so if I am sleeping or miss his call for some reason, I tell him why, because I know it takes a lot for him to call sometimes and I feel like he is owed an explanation as to why I was not available at that time. This is just how I am and always have been, and again, I had no complaints from him until this argument. I guess he was bottling it up, I don't know.

I felt bad about bringing up the ex because she humiliated him in front of his friends and family with her behavior and it is a sore spot with him. I knew bringing her up would hurt him, but I was angry.

"For example ... let's say you were going to the store, and passed a new shop and you saw these fabuluous dresses hanging in the window. Gathering from how you described your doings, it would likely be pretty accurate to assume that you would sit out in your car in the parking lot and call him up on the mobile to tell him that you are making a detour before going to the grocery store.

He doesn't have to know this, he doesnt' want to know this .... you are free and capable in your life to go into a shop to go look at clothes at your own discretion."

Well, no, I do not micromanage my life like that. Especially with clothes. 🙂 Unless we were meeting for dinner or he had dinner waiting for me and I stopped to get the pretty dress, I would not call him randomly to say "Hi, hunny, I am getting a pretty dress. Now I am paying for it. Now I am stepping outside into the sun. Now I am going to my car ..." That seems very silly to me and is NOT how do things. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

I do not randomly call him to tell him where I am. If it has directly to do with him, I tell him. For ex, if a girlfriend and I are having dinner, I tell him "Hi, Dawn asked me to dinner, so won't be home until XXX." Things like that, I always assumed people who share a home do for each other. P-Angel if you are married or living with someone, wouldn't you want them to tell you if they were going to be late or going out or wouldn't be around for dinner?

"We have talked and he has elaborated on his concerns and if anything, I am more confused."

The poor guy is just saying he doesn't want EASY and this isn't a scorpio thing per say, it's a man thing, he wants you to be able flirt and squell in a girlish tone noooooo when you should be saying yes, he wants to work for it, chase after it and this is what most men want, sorry but I don't know a man that doesn't like to work hard to have something valuable, he doesn't want to know your every move all the time, he wants some mystery, some excitement hmmmmm I wonder what my baby girl is going to be wearing today, yesterday she looked so sexy with that mini skirt on and pony tail, he just wants what every man wants, a bit of unpredictability, getting upset over him verbally saying what he needs is a sign of immaturity and he should be concerned, you both should be concerned. That is what marriage is about, being able to speak your needs without taking it personally, if you can't take him saying what he needs now then you won't be able to take it when you get married, running off to your sisters house is a no no, you won't be able to run once your married, get back home

like i said..without all the onerous drivel..simply get salty on his ass and tell him to kick rocks..

LMAO!!

Because there is an image inplanted in the mind, already, as to what his words mean, based off of an ex-relation of his .... for this reason is why the mind immediately thought he was asking to be cheated on and lied to.

The mind is closed around this ... it is measuring his desires around it, and all words will revert back to having some sort of meaning pertaining to this ex.

That would equal jealousy in my interpretation.

He says he is being misunderstood ... this is where I would start, then .... purge out assumed conclusions, and listen without any expectation of what I think they mean.

I have to agree with P Angel on this, she can't be too easy and too accomodating and this is with any man, a man wants to feel he's in love with a distinct individual with individual needs and wants, he doesn't want perfect, he truly doesn't, he wants his woman to speak up and say no sometimes, he doesn't always want easy easy easy, no one does, that's not real life and that's not real relationships, people have disagreements and a bit of tension really does spice things up, he's bored, it's not to demean and down her but I would get bored with a yes person as well, yes dear, have it your way, it's burger king all day every day....it begins to feel like he's dating a doormat kind of woman, I'm sure she's not but a man begins to lose respect and lose sexual interest because she begins to feel like a mother figure, a friend, not a girlfriend/wife

can anyone out there help a true scorpio women snag a cancer man that i want badly. never had a cancer male. am currently with male scorpio, what a nut case, sooooo
pocessive and insecure, unreal. i know we get real tired of alot of drama i get bored will a cancer man keep me bored? need help have not even been out with him yet but cant wait till i do. ive noticed the moodiness in the texting already. should i keep persuing him with hes sexy etc. or back off— need advise

cancer men is nothing but drama but on a whole notha level lol

I know her frustration at the same time, I know she just wants to lean back and let it flow, be herself, have a balanced drama free relationship but he needs some tension or he's going to feel like he's not in love anymore, boredom=feeling as if he's not in love, either give him some unpredictability or find a more suitable mate

should i go get my cancer man or not? gotta get rid of the scorpio male alot of talk but no follow through. cancer male is starting to come out of the shy shell after texting a couple of months nightly. what to do? i

I hear what you are all saying. But maybe it is an incompatibiliy thing. If I want to spend time with him, I don't want him thinking it is too easy or whatever. I don't know. This is hurting my spirit a lot. First my first fiance, now him.

We talked. He got me to admit it - I am afraid. Of him and of failing.

I thought I was going to have a life with my ex. That he loved me. That turned out to be a big lie and he dumped me without any remorse, getting someone pregnant in the process. I can't take another failure like that again - letting someone in only to find out they never loved me and lied to me repeatedly.

I was hurt sexually by my now-dead father. It is bad. I have always been an overpleaser to avoid being hurt, swallowing my own wants out of fear I would be hurt some more. I am 28 and have been in therapy nearly half my life. It is frustrating and angering that I still have these issues and that they bleed into my relationship.

I do not know how to stand up for myself. I love my fiance, but he hurts me sometimes and I want to tell him to stop but I am afraid he will leave and I will have failed again.

I have seen a couple of male scorps and female aries, go as far as marriage. I think scorp men love the honesty and loyalty of the Aries. Unfortunately these pairs didn't work out in the long run. However every couple is different.

We do like a challenge. Meaning we don't like predictablility ALL THE TIME. Switch it up a little. Really get into something that is just for you. Let him get interested in what you have going on. The one involvement I had with another scorp was crazy and in some instances psycho but above all the most intense and exciting involvement I have ever had. I think it is because we both are unpredictable at times and it excited us both.

Give him space, he will come around. These guys always do. They love to test you too, so keep in mind this can be a minipulative test as well.

Scorpio men can be very hurtful at times but they don't mean to be. Not if they love you. We are blunt and don't have much diplomacy. If he loves you than he loves you truly. We don't do grey areas, only black and white. Give it time.

I must say, your issues are yours, these are things you have to work on for yourself and you cannot expect what you need to come from him, you have to find the stregnth inside you. I am so sorry to hear how awful you have been hurt. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, as I am sure you have heard several times through therapy. Always tell him how you feel. If he loves you he will be there. Scorps are EXTREME commitment people.

Lebelier, well in that case its not even about him,.its about YOU and that's where you should start. This may sound crazy but forgiveness first ,.Not forgive him but forgive Yourself,.which mayb one of the hardest things you will have to do,. When you truly forgive then,. Just Let it Go,.. so you can be the "Ram" that you Truly are😉 Good Luck

"I do not know how to stand up for myself."

Then don't. If you have gone through years of therapy and are still carrying this emotional baggage, that is obviously a huge obstacle in your relationship with this man .... then it should be apparant that this therapy done alone isn't helping you.

You said that he got you to admit that you are afraid, so this means the he is aware of your percieved failings, and fear of further failure .. as in with him. He knows this, or there would have been nothing for you to have to admit to.

So, then don't make a stand .. to make a stand infers to buck-up against something with intentions of making a point. You don't have a point to make, to even make a stand ... what you have is a terror to get over ... there's no stand here, only gaining the ability to put your life into perspective.

Obviously you haven't done that yet .. if you are still carrying around shit that happened to you as a child.

So, include Scorp man in your recovery, your conquering of your demons. Trust is huge with Scorpio, biggest of all things in a Scorpio's life, above and beyond any other condition of a relationship .. and if you trusted him to open up to him, so he could help you to conquer your demons that have you in fear, lebelier .. then what you will find in your man is a person who will have the upmost faith in you, to honor you, because you trusted him with your vulnerability .... you trusted he would catch you when you fell, and being a Scorpio in love, there is no doubt in my mind that he will indeed catch you.


"I love my fiance, but he hurts me sometimes and I want to tell him to stop but I am afraid he will leave and I will have failed again."

He already knows, lebelier .... he got you to admit your fear, which indicates that he is already aware of this insecurity you possess. He may not know all the details yet ... but, rest assured that Scorpios are very keen, their intuition is heightened, and he has already concluded what the problem is, that's why he's gotten you to talk.

You can grow from this, but, to do so it means you have to trust somebody .. and you can go to therapy for the rest of your life, but, if you never trust somebody then it's all in vain.

You can absolutely trust a Scorpio, I promise you this. If you put your absolute utter trust in him, then he will honor this back to you and provide you with security.

Hey Lebelier,

Scorpios can really help you to get past issues and transform your life. My issues amounted to that of a mouse-fart in comparison to yours, but I do speak from experience. IME, Scorpios are generally very committed people, and it's clear to me that he loves you.

Remember this, and every time you feel the fear creeping in, STOP YOURSELF. Heck, even try positive affirmations every day or something...Whatever it takes. But don't doubt his love in you...One day you'll wake up, and realise how far you've come.

Don't fight it, trust in him, but don't be afraid to express yourself either. This appears to me, to be essentially what he meant in what he said. He doesn't want you to feel like you have to tippy-toe around him, out of fear that he will leave you - coz that's not healthy for you. That is how it looks to me anyway.

🙂

"I am an open, honest person who does not like to play games. "
this is the key, aries lady. be yourself, stay yourself. change man, instead. hate to say it to you, but it all sounds to me like the beginning of the end. scorpio men are crap.most of the time, hun. get yourself an open, honest someone else that fits you and with whom you'll never need to ask yourself what do I have to do to keep this man interested. a man STAY interested with you being yourself all the time or better you throw him out of door before HE does it to you! good luck

and, plus, I think it's awful he put you in this position. do you realize? I know this will be unpopular, but I really think, in order not to "fail" again, as you say, leave him. that's how you can grow. not to slowly become a doormat to his whimsical nature.

Hahaha tiki ? Crazy?

Ah, Leb, the details are starting to piece together?
--- As to why you don't sound very Aries like ? more earth mother like

--- As to why the picture you initially painted didn't add up
Still bits missing but some we'll never know

Aries is far more unpredictable than any other sign?hmmm, maybe Sag.
Aquas are not that unpredicatable in my opinion because they consciously think about being unpredictable before doing it?

E.g. The answer to this question where have you been hiding?

Aqua: You have to be unpredicatable sometimes

Sag: I need my freedom

Aries: Oh, remember I said I had to go to the fruit store? On my way there, I saw blah blah from the club and we hung out and got invited to witness the Wiccan initiation?so I took the job, remember I was job hunting? so joined the army.
No the same self-awareness with Aries.

The Aries and Scorp attraction is the sense that there's something more or less than meets the eye?but the unpredictability of Aries is why they don't sometimes work out as Scorp interprets the unpredictability as disloyalty.

Like I said before, water signs don't just talk?they have anticipated the reaction?and I think his worry is that you're not being yourself ? he may be sensing the inner you that therapy and abuse has tempered.

It's good to lean on someone but remember what happens when they're not available or no longer there? Water signs make good therapist ? the best of all the other signs as sensing emotions is a natural placement for them ? however, you have to still be able to think for yourself or you get moulded into flowing with something you're not.

This is fixed water so there will be advantages and disadvantages of leaning heavily. Hence, this could be done as friends ? the engagement puts you both under pressure to work on the relationship instead of helping you both heal. Broken people should not expect a healthy relationship ? sooner or later, something gives so good thing he brought this up sooner than later.

Your whole life you?_ve had to rely on some kind of control ?V abusive father, therapy, relationship structure?Kwhat happens with no structure from someone else? When you have to create your paths or structure? I would be careful about leaning heavily on another unless I know if they leave tomorrow, I can fully recover.
How long did you wait after the Leo breakup before getting engaged? Did you have enough time to heal and move on?
Can you really ever trust?

As Aries ?V even if you are earthed down, the characteristics become mental not outward ?V I have Moon, Ascendant and Venus in Earth too, with Aries Sun, Mercury and Mars.
You have pleasing nature of Libra for moon and Mercury in Pisces could be hindrance to your expressions. But your Mars and Sun shows your outwardly reactions but the moon and mercury are more obvious with you ?V obviously due to your Pisces mercury I?_m guessing.

Also, your background, i.e. Parents and others you grew up with?Kwhat were their signs? Someone almost succeeded in turning you into a lamb ?_

Everyone can be subject to abuse of some sort but how we heal from it makes us all different.
You need to find yourself or risk letting someone else find it for you ?V you could be unpredictable like Scorp likes or whatever, YOU have to decide. If you want, you can read up cafeastrology, chaosastrology?Kall give pretty detailed?Kyou can get self-help books, religion, etc?K no matter what help you get, never stop thinking and opting for different perspectives ?V Amen to your Libra moon. Your Aries sun helps you get over things very very quickly as yesterday can be almost wiped clean if you choose to ?V tap into this if you can. Aries is not the most amazing with relationships either...the nature of Aries people is to prowl or explore ALONE (self) so make sure you're on the same page ALL the time with whoever it is you're in a relationship with.

GOOD LUCK.

"You can absolutely trust a Scorpio, I promise you this."

umm, i beg to differ.

well, he got what he wanted...drama. congratulations. and in the process, he managed to manipulate your feelings and turn the whole thing around on you and your weaknesses. we've heard this before (preying on weaknesses). maybe there is a way to compromise: tell him "no, i'm not acting like that, i can't. you love me for me or not at all." he will get the challenge (not getting what he wants) and you won't have to change at all (at least not now, scorpios always change people).