NenaMorena
@NenaMorena
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 1
Cancer women and Scorpio Male hard to communicate
I don't think you have a problem.
You just need to give him space and stop trying to fix a grown man.
Relax and let him come to you.
Your concerns reminds me of this video:
width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-vmN0ibFOHQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>
You just need to give him space and stop trying to fix a grown man.
Relax and let him come to you.
Your concerns reminds me of this video:
width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-vmN0ibFOHQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>
LunarMaiden i appreciate the video i though she stated my feeling exactly haha i just wish my scorpio got this much of how i felt
i do hear him i hear everything but when its me giving him a example of how he doesnt communicate and a solution on how we can possibly compromise, he always has a comeback to why he was right about it or he doesnt think its necessarly a problem. Its him that not really listening to me and im growing tired of talking about so for now im just leaving it alone and seeing how long we can casually sweep things under the rug.. because eventually someone will snap. This is what i am trying to relay to him and he doesnt see this.
Posted by NenaMorena
My issue with him is our communication, when he gets mad he shuts everything out.
Is it "our communication" that is the problem or the fact that he does not want to open up and express what is wrong when he is upset about something?
Posted by NenaMorena
It is always me there trying to fix it and make him feel better because i hate not being on good terms and waisting time being upset but, Im growing tired of this and i told him i not going to do that anymore.
1) He hasn't asked you to "fix" it and make him feel better, so really this is an issue you are creating.
2) No one likes "not being on good terms", but this doesn't mean things/emotions process any faster. Begin to realize that things do not happen simply because you want them to
3) You've exhausted yourself (e.g. "I'm growing tired of this") because you don't like his schedule of dealing with his anger. That's not his problem really.
Posted by NenaMorena
I said we need to work on our communication more instead of not speaking his reply is "i think our communication is just fine".
When speaking to a Scorp, you need to be very clear. This is why you got an answer like this. Is the issue that you do not like how he deals with his emotions (e.g. shuts down) or is there another issue at play (e.g. he ignores you, doesn't listen or respond to your needs, etc...). "Our" also implies that you do not communicate well. Is that the case?
Posted by NenaMorena
then asked if we break up because of this would he be ok his respone " no, but if it happens then that happens".click to expand
You were trying to manipulate a response reaction here. I would stop doing that.
Posted by NenaMorena
" I need time, im not used to talking about feeling i rather just leave it alone and move on". As a cancer this is hard for me, i like working things out im tired of sweeping things under the rug for the sake of him. Its not healthy, and its like beating a dead horse,every time i express myeself he says he gets me but i havent learned to accept him the way he accepts me....I guess it just irritates me because our relationship is good but it becomes really hard as soon as he's upset or i ask him to tell me about his feelings
What things are being sweep under the rug? You started out saying he shuts down when he's upset, now its about sweeping things under the rug and finally it's about his feelings again. Two very different things. He isn't wrong about his statement because you're trying to force him to express himself in the way you find acceptable. "Healthy"? Not everyone need to vomit their emotions all over everyone when they feel them. Some need to process what they are feeling and if necessary, and when appropriate will express it to another. The more you push that, the more you're going to get resistance. The more space you give him, the faster he will come around. Scorps tend to control their emotions. Respect the two signs are different in their emotional expression. It take extreme trust to change that. I am not suggesting he does not trust you, but something is off somewhere. Simply not pushing the issue and being present (attune and simply listen) if/when he does open up may be the small change you need to see him shift.
Im confused as how you think that sweeping things under the rug is an actual solution to me thats running away from the problem and creating more problems.but like i said if this is how he chooses to see it ill take a step back from the situation and see how well sweeping things under the rug will be good for us
PhoenixRising the things that are being swept under the rug is when is blantaly upset about something ill ask whats wrong he pulls away and stays quiet for hrs or days, its gotten to the point where i now give him space and when he returns he asks like nothing is wrong. When im upset he'll continue acting like nothing is wrong. This is his method of sweeping things under the rug, why because he says that he doesnt want to get into argument -_- . and When your shutting me out and im asking you whats wrong he equates that as feelings. Thats what im trying to say
What exactly is the problem?
Posted by NenaMorena
PhoenixRising the things that are being swept under the rug is when is blantaly upset about something ill ask whats wrong he pulls away and stays quiet for hrs or days, its gotten to the point where i now give him space and when he returns he asks like nothing is wrong. When im upset he'll continue acting like nothing is wrong. This is his method of sweeping things under the rug, why because he says that he doesnt want to get into argument -_- . and When your shutting me out and im asking you whats wrong he equates that as feelings. Thats what im trying to say
Okay. Understood. It is one thing to choose not to share his feeling and another to ignore yours. Regardless, many of my point still apply, especially the last one. Pushing to get him to open up the way you've explained you have isn't going to work. Hence your frustration.
I need to ask---and humour me for a minute---when you are upset is it because he hasn't opened up? Meaning are you reacting to his silence? If so, that may be why it's being ignored. Scorps can tell when someone is trying to manipulate a response from them and it is viewed as insulting when you use this approach. At least it is for me. The reaction tends to be the exact opposite of what you hoped for. It can come off as rather cold depending on the Scorp.
If your anger/upset is about something else...then commuication is the least of your worries.
When you are upset do you openly express that or do you go about it passively and expect him to pick up on it? Water to water, this is a trait we really need to drop. Not accusing you of anything, simply inquiring.
PhoenixRising...mmmm i saw your other points on the previous page and i see where your coming from and i see the error on my part.
On rare occasions he has opened up about his feeling towards me and the relationship and i appreciate this immensley from him. I'm usually very calm and i have tried my best not to talk about EMOTIONAL FEELINGS to much because i know this makes him uncomfortable.
What makes me upset is his dark sense of humor and negativity when he is moody, i can admit the person that im with is downright mean and nasty when he wants to be for his own amusement if hes in a bad mood. I dont find it amusing i feel this giant ball of negativiy fuming through the house and it stirs up emotions in both of us. ill ask whats wrong he shuts down ill leave him be. when he comes back and he's calmer ill let him know that i didnt appreciate a comment or something that he did. If its something i did i will apologize. But if it is something he did he gets up that i called him out on his crap.and goes back into hiding and come back out like nothing happened, and maybe ill get an apology big maybe.
On rare occasions he has opened up about his feeling towards me and the relationship and i appreciate this immensley from him. I'm usually very calm and i have tried my best not to talk about EMOTIONAL FEELINGS to much because i know this makes him uncomfortable.
What makes me upset is his dark sense of humor and negativity when he is moody, i can admit the person that im with is downright mean and nasty when he wants to be for his own amusement if hes in a bad mood. I dont find it amusing i feel this giant ball of negativiy fuming through the house and it stirs up emotions in both of us. ill ask whats wrong he shuts down ill leave him be. when he comes back and he's calmer ill let him know that i didnt appreciate a comment or something that he did. If its something i did i will apologize. But if it is something he did he gets up that i called him out on his crap.and goes back into hiding and come back out like nothing happened, and maybe ill get an apology big maybe.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Btw he's communicating you just aren't hearing him
+100 THIS!!
He's a MAN, and he's a scorpio man to boot. Talking about feelings isn't their strong point. They feel and understand the feelings, they just aren't as adept at expressing it in a verbal way. Don't try to make him something he's not. Instead, appreciate his own way of expressing. Obviously he's appreciating your ways of doing things, so reciprocate that.
When it comes to actual communication that NEEDS to be mutual, that would be along the lines of being able to respectfully problem solve together. If he's hearing and understanding you when you're hurt, or need help, etc, that's a bonus. He's not you, he's not the gabby talk about everything he's struggling with sort. Figure out how to be supportive and loving in a way that soothes him when he's in that mood.
What I've noticed with Scorpios is that they go silent and deep when something is stressful. They don't ask for help, they don't want to talk about it. If you ask what's wrong you'll probably get a vague answer, or none at all. Drop the subject and in a week, or two, or months down the road it will all come pouring out because the crisis is over and they dealt with it.
OP, I sense that you're taking his unwillingness to talk about his problems as a slight against you. Is that what's happening?
You also make it seem that he verbally lashes out. Is this a matter of him being abusive with his moods? (I'm not saying he's hitting).
You also make it seem that he verbally lashes out. Is this a matter of him being abusive with his moods? (I'm not saying he's hitting).
MoonArtist yes that what it all comes down too he's very abusive with his words and it cuts deep and when he's ready to come out and play im still feeling the cuts from the last crisis. I get that it needs to be mutual and feelings isnt there strong point but all the verbal lashes and me holding it (sweeping it under the rug) in eventually i snap i need postive to make up for the negative if that makes sense
Give an example of something he'll say or do that hurts you. I'm not doubting, just trying to get the clearest picture.
mmmm this might be dumb but it was embarrasing. I can cook but not to his standards, i tried helping him cut onions and he rushed me out the kitchen saying i did it wrong why dont you just go to the store and get beer. This particular night his friend and his girl came over and it was our turn to cook. I had made rice earlier and asked her if it was good her response yes.. as soon as my bf tried it he yells EW THIS IS NASTY, who said you made this rice good. pretyy much talking down to me infront his friends making feel stupid.His friend had to tell him that he was wrong and the rice was fine. That made me feel worse becuase someone i dont really know shows an act of kindness was sticking up for me instead of him. Now im upset and i snatch everyones rice and get ready to throw it away and he tells me to stop throwing a tantrum it just needs a little salt im going to eat it.
another example if he's mad and were arguing i end up crying his response you think your tears is going to make me feel bad i dont care about your tears im hurting too your tears isnt making it better blah blah
its like he picks at crap and picks till im like ughh shutup already
another example if he's mad and were arguing i end up crying his response you think your tears is going to make me feel bad i dont care about your tears im hurting too your tears isnt making it better blah blah
its like he picks at crap and picks till im like ughh shutup already
Ok, that right there is abusive. Dead serious. No one should degrade, embarrass or belittle another like that. His bad mood doesn't matter if he can't control himself. What's next? Hitting and the victim is blamed for their loss of control? He needs to see his actions for what they are, and if he's not willing to work on that and on himself, you might want to rethink the relationship.
arguments are temporary so people require space to get over it so let him get over it. Different communication styles can create more problems but learning how to co-exist and get eachother can help.
your answer is space and time.
your answer is space and time.
Posted by Arielle83
Sounds familiar. When my husband gets into his nasty, self pitying moods, I walk. He was nasty last night cuz of some bs with his friend, and of course I get the frustration cuz they can't separate who to direct their feelings at.
I'm too happy to deal with this crap so he gets plenty of alone time.
you guys being married do you leave the house or stay in another room for his space
Posted by NenaMorena
mmmm this might be dumb but it was embarrasing. I can cook but not to his standards, i tried helping him cut onions and he rushed me out the kitchen saying i did it wrong why dont you just go to the store and get beer. This particular night his friend and his girl came over and it was our turn to cook. I had made rice earlier and asked her if it was good her response yes.. as soon as my bf tried it he yells EW THIS IS NASTY, who said you made this rice good. pretyy much talking down to me infront his friends making feel stupid.His friend had to tell him that he was wrong and the rice was fine. That made me feel worse becuase someone i dont really know shows an act of kindness was sticking up for me instead of him. Now im upset and i snatch everyones rice and get ready to throw it away and he tells me to stop throwing a tantrum it just needs a little salt im going to eat it.
another example if he's mad and were arguing i end up crying his response you think your tears is going to make me feel bad i dont care about your tears im hurting too your tears isnt making it better blah blah
its like he picks at crap and picks till im like ughh shutup already
He's setting you up, then publicly humiliating you--
That's pretty fucked up... I'm so sorry.
But I wouldn't tolerate that... "time and space"
is not going to solve this so much as condone it.
The best I can tell you is it's not you--
It's him.
why does the lady in the video say that it's all about power and control with Scorpio to open up and the other person has to "pry" them open or something like that?? why is it Always about power and control meaning? What if the guy just doesn't want to talk about it? jeeezz. 😆
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
Posted by lisabethur8
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
right. so his embarassment should trump any decency on his part.
OP it doesn't matter if the food you served was crappy or it was delicious. there can be no excuse for him yelling at you in front of his friends about the quality of your food. unless you are dating someone disabled, he has two hands too..how about he goes and cooks the food for HIS friends up to HIS standards?
If he felt the food was crappy he could have talked to you about it after those people left. Instead of that, he chooses to make a scene to embarass everyone, including putting his friends in a bad spot. He has no awareness of anyone who isn't him.
This is not scorpio male behavior..this is 12 zodiac flavored douchebag behavior.
If you aren't too invested into him..drop him now.
If you are, which would make you not drop him, understand that his behavior over a long period of time will errode your self esteem til you'll be a shadow of what you once were.
Address the temper issue with him. Be FIRM. Any avoiding of responsibility..walk. Any vagueness on his part..walk. Suggest anger management (if it wasn't just a movie and there are classes out there about it). That's if you want to work at this before throwing in the towel.
A real man wouldn't dream of acting like that to his lady. Never.
If he felt the food was crappy he could have talked to you about it after those people left. Instead of that, he chooses to make a scene to embarass everyone, including putting his friends in a bad spot. He has no awareness of anyone who isn't him.
This is not scorpio male behavior..this is 12 zodiac flavored douchebag behavior.
If you aren't too invested into him..drop him now.
If you are, which would make you not drop him, understand that his behavior over a long period of time will errode your self esteem til you'll be a shadow of what you once were.
Address the temper issue with him. Be FIRM. Any avoiding of responsibility..walk. Any vagueness on his part..walk. Suggest anger management (if it wasn't just a movie and there are classes out there about it). That's if you want to work at this before throwing in the towel.
A real man wouldn't dream of acting like that to his lady. Never.
Posted by DamnataPosted by lisabethur8
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
right. so his embarassment should trump any decency on his part.click to expand
well, then she should get a different type of man then.
but honestly, if she knew how he is, beforehand, she would know to test out the food before serving it to his friends.
and you all are trying to "control" his behaviour too. If he feels like the food is shit, it's shit.
Posted by lisabethur8
and you all are trying to "control" his behaviour too. If he feels like the food is shit, it's shit.
"... as soon as my bf tried it he yells
EW THIS IS NASTY, who said you made this
rice good. pretyy much talking down to me
infront his friends making feel stupid..."
He's entitled to his opinion, but that doesn't
justify this-- and I srsly doubt you would like
the hubs treating you that way (and I srsly doubt
he does... at least, I hope he doesn't).
Does he? o___O
Posted by NenaMorena
mmmm this might be dumb but it was embarrasing. I can cook but not to his standards, i tried helping him cut onions and he rushed me out the kitchen saying i did it wrong why dont you just go to the store and get beer. This particular night his friend and his girl came over and it was our turn to cook. I had made rice earlier and asked her if it was good her response yes.. as soon as my bf tried it he yells EW THIS IS NASTY, who said you made this rice good. pretyy much talking down to me infront his friends making feel stupid.His friend had to tell him that he was wrong and the rice was fine. That made me feel worse becuase someone i dont really know shows an act of kindness was sticking up for me instead of him. Now im upset and i snatch everyones rice and get ready to throw it away and he tells me to stop throwing a tantrum it just needs a little salt im going to eat it.
another example if he's mad and were arguing i end up crying his response you think your tears is going to make me feel bad i dont care about your tears im hurting too your tears isnt making it better blah blah
its like he picks at crap and picks till im like ughh shutup already
Oh nooo nooooooooooooooo!
Leave him!! He's broken.
Just pack your stuff and go.
There is no way!! I had to walk away in the middle of your post.
Why are you still with this verbally and emotionally manipulative abusive man?
Does he also hit you?
The fact that he behaved this way in front of his friend and his girl is a sign that this has gone on far to long and he has absolutely no respect, no love, nor kindness toward you.
He gets pleasure from mistreating you.
He sounds like a sadistic personality.
Those plates you picked up should have ended up in his face.
NenaMorena, don't be a doormat for him nor ANY man.
They will only walk all over you.
If a man is not protecting you and showing kindness toward you, he's no good.
We Lunar women can be so soft hearted, loving and want to please our mate.
Less evolved males will take advantage.
This is why we have to stand up for ourselves.
Scorpio males can have a slick mouth.
But being verbally, physically and emotionally abusive is not acceptable.
Posted by Arielle83
Sounds familiar. When my husband gets into his nasty, self pitying moods, I walk. He was nasty last night cuz of some bs with his friend, and of course I get the frustration cuz they can't separate who to direct their feelings at.
I'm too happy to deal with this crap so he gets plenty of alone time.
with you guys being married how do you give him his space leave the house?
Posted by lisabethur8
why does the lady in the video say that it's all about power and control with Scorpio to open up and the other person has to "pry" them open or something like that?? why is it Always about power and control meaning? What if the guy just doesn't want to talk about it? jeeezz. 😆
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
It amazes me how you can see the problem but still have the adacity to say i was in the wrong his friend said the food was fine then my bf comes back with it just needs salt. if i where to do that to him he would feel like crap too
Posted by NenaMorenaPosted by lisabethur8
why does the lady in the video say that it's all about power and control with Scorpio to open up and the other person has to "pry" them open or something like that?? why is it Always about power and control meaning? What if the guy just doesn't want to talk about it? jeeezz. 😆
anyway, OP, he doesn't like that you embaress him with the crappy food to his friends like that.
It amazes me how you can see the problem but still have the adacity to say i was in the wrong his friend said the food was fine then my bf comes back with it just needs salt. if i where to do that to him he would feel like crap tooclick to expand
omg. he's your man. you should know better than that. beforehand. if he berates you because you didnt do your "part" then what do you expect?
Find yourself another man like what others are saying below. If you are going to cry and cry and feel bad about his style, and then post it here publicly, then you shouldn't be with this man at all. Because every thing he does that you find insulting you'll come here and post it publicly.
and you would go for the opinion of his friend over your man? ooookkkaaay. now you really need to find another man.
and you would go for the opinion of his friend over your man? ooookkkaaay. now you really need to find another man.
its like beating the crap out of a dead horse with you lisabethur8 you cant honestly tell me if your man/woman whatever were to talk about your cooking or w.e ...you would be like oh "hmmmm yea he/she had every right to feel that way and disrespect me in front of company" girl bye your hilarious
My ex acted the same way with the lack of communication and it was so frustrating. I am a cancer and he is a scorpio, too. I'm on my phone and will give my two cents tomorrow. However, the Lisa girl.... 0_o...wow. Those responses almost sound like someone who would be okay with being in an abusive relationship and making up reasons as to why it is deserved. Scary.
His abusive behavior has nothing to do with his sun sign. He has no control of himself, he's abusive. Asshole behavior that isn't acceptable, IMO.
Posted by Arielle83
Well she's right. He is a douche, so "find another man".
I think lisabethur means that you already knew he was douchey, so what do you expect? You may do the slightest thing he doesn't like and then he will blow it up as if its a massive character flaw.
Scorpio men at their finest. Some are just fucktards though.
Yes, find another man! This dude is a waste of time and effort.
+1
Aww. He sounds harsh.
I find it hard to see where he's sweeping things under the rug with his comments, unless you feel the harshness stems from deeper unresolved issues?
My friend doesn't talk, and my biggest fear is a blow up. I guess since im your opposite, i understand the need to lay everything out on the table. Imo, its the healthiest way as this guy is sitting on unresolved issues it seems.
From what ive witnessed, mutables have the guts to force the communication out of these type of men, and some do lash out, but its not good to just sit on stuff if it really is a problem.
I find it hard to see where he's sweeping things under the rug with his comments, unless you feel the harshness stems from deeper unresolved issues?
My friend doesn't talk, and my biggest fear is a blow up. I guess since im your opposite, i understand the need to lay everything out on the table. Imo, its the healthiest way as this guy is sitting on unresolved issues it seems.
From what ive witnessed, mutables have the guts to force the communication out of these type of men, and some do lash out, but its not good to just sit on stuff if it really is a problem.
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