lisabeth
@lisabethur8
13 Years50,000+ Posts
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How do you deal with long distance relationships? (Page 2)
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Posted by cornflower2Posted by SomeSortOfMermaidSorry but you do not seem get the situation at all. He was the one who told me he loved me very early on, but he mostly does this through texting and never makes time for me in real life. He also was the one who wanted to spend 1 or 2 weeks vacation with me this august. Then I make time for him and he says, he will ask his boss for the time off, but he never does...
People move at different paces and if you can't respect him taking things slow he's not for you. That does not make him a bad man at all, just different from you.
The way you talk about him shows zero respect towards him, and I'm sure he senses this in your communication too. It's only been a few months and yet you're being so demanding of him. He had a job and children and is financially strapped but rather than sympathise with him you're demonising him.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just being honest. As a fellow Aries moon, I think you're focusing way too much on your own feelings/needs and not taking his into consideration.
If he is too slow/casual for you, just move on.
He is the one who always tells me, that he wants to see me every weekend. But when I try to make plans to visit him on the weekend he goes golfing alone! instead, visits other (platonic = his words) girl friends or he is out drinking with some male friends. Still I stayed patient and left him his space...
Whenever we saw each others I paid my share as well, trying to find nice things to do that don't cost a lot. But he is the one who always wants to eat in the most expensive restaurants, where he orders expensive food and drinks for himself while I order just a soup or so. I listen to his job problems or other stuff that bothers him almost every day on the phone, but he never asks how I'm feeling or how my day was.
So honestly, I think I showed him a lot of patience and respect, but I do not get these much from him return...click to expand
oh I see. he doesn't sound frugal.
but you seem to be in a tight money budget if you count on what he orders. (btw,you said that you pay your own way ect, but if he is paying for his own food, does it bother you that he buys expensive for himself? 😕
edit - oh I don't like the "he sees his platonic girlfriends" thing.
Posted by starloverThanks for your empathy Starlover. This is how I feel as well: drained and empty.Posted by cornflower2When i read this, i felt totally drainedPosted by SomeSortOfMermaidSorry but you do not seem get the situation at all. He was the one who told me he loved me very early on, but he mostly does this through texting and never makes time for me in real life. He also was the one who wanted to spend 1 or 2 weeks vacation with me this august. Then I make time for him and he says, he will ask his boss for the time off, but he never does...
People move at different paces and if you can't respect him taking things slow he's not for you. That does not make him a bad man at all, just different from you.
The way you talk about him shows zero respect towards him, and I'm sure he senses this in your communication too. It's only been a few months and yet you're being so demanding of him. He had a job and children and is financially strapped but rather than sympathise with him you're demonising him.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just being honest. As a fellow Aries moon, I think you're focusing way too much on your own feelings/needs and not taking his into consideration.
If he is too slow/casual for you, just move on.
He is the one who always tells me, that he wants to see me every weekend. But when I try to make plans to visit him on the weekend he goes golfing alone! instead, visits other (platonic = his words) girl friends or he is out drinking with some male friends. Still I stayed patient and left him his space...
Whenever we saw each others I paid my share as well, trying to find nice things to do that don't cost a lot. But he is the one who always wants to eat in the most expensive restaurants, where he orders expensive food and drinks for himself while I order just a soup or so. I listen to his job problems or other stuff that bothers him almost every day on the phone, but he never asks how I'm feeling or how my day was.
So honestly, I think I showed him a lot of patience and respect, but I do not get these much from him return...click to expand
I'll keep you updated, how this situation with him will play out.
For this evening, I will ride my bike to my favorite lake, take a long swim to clear my head and try to recharge my energies. Have a lovely day as well :-)
Posted by lisabethur8@lisabethur8 - You're right: I'm not the chaser. I like to be pursued by a man ( at least in the beginning of a relationship), but I feel myself forced to chase him in our current situation and it's eating me up inside. So no good feeling = no good situation for me. That implicates I need to be strong and try to to let go...but it's hard!
@cornflower2, I don't think you are compatible with this guy. it sounds like you need a man to CHASE you and you are not the chaser.
edit you are too impatient and don't seem to realize that he's going to be going nowhere unless you do something about it. It seems to me you have to be the go-getter. Just like my husband's scorpio sun cousin was. she was the go-getter.
Posted by lisabethur8I'm self employed, currently looking for new job opportunities, so money is sometimes tight. He knows that. Sometimes he pays, or I do. Point is, he tells me the weekends with me are expensive for him, so I try to find nice restaurants or events, that are not too pricey. So we can save money and see each other more often.Posted by cornflower2Posted by SomeSortOfMermaidSorry but you do not seem get the situation at all. He was the one who told me he loved me very early on, but he mostly does this through texting and never makes time for me in real life. He also was the one who wanted to spend 1 or 2 weeks vacation with me this august. Then I make time for him and he says, he will ask his boss for the time off, but he never does...
People move at different paces and if you can't respect him taking things slow he's not for you. That does not make him a bad man at all, just different from you.
The way you talk about him shows zero respect towards him, and I'm sure he senses this in your communication too. It's only been a few months and yet you're being so demanding of him. He had a job and children and is financially strapped but rather than sympathise with him you're demonising him.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just being honest. As a fellow Aries moon, I think you're focusing way too much on your own feelings/needs and not taking his into consideration.
If he is too slow/casual for you, just move on.
He is the one who always tells me, that he wants to see me every weekend. But when I try to make plans to visit him on the weekend he goes golfing alone! instead, visits other (platonic = his words) girl friends or he is out drinking with some male friends. Still I stayed patient and left him his space...
Whenever we saw each others I paid my share as well, trying to find nice things to do that don't cost a lot. But he is the one who always wants to eat in the most expensive restaurants, where he orders expensive food and drinks for himself while I order just a soup or so. I listen to his job problems or other stuff that bothers him almost every day on the phone, but he never asks how I'm feeling or how my day was.
So honestly, I think I showed him a lot of patience and respect, but I do not get these much from him return...
oh I see. he doesn't sound frugal.
but you seem to be in a tight money budget if you count on what he orders. (btw,you said that you pay your own way ect, but if he is paying for his own food, does it bother you that he buys expensive for himself? 😕
edit - oh I don't like the "he sees his platonic girlfriends" thing.
click to expand
His platonic girlfriends bother me a lot, but I didn't want to appear jealous, so I hold my tongue
Posted by cornflower2it's sad that you have to, but it's up to you.Posted by lisabethur8@lisabethur8 - You're right: I'm not the chaser. I like to be pursued by a man ( at least in the beginning of a relationship), but I feel myself forced to chase him in our current situation and it's eating me up inside. So no good feeling = no good situation for me. That implicates I need to be strong and try to to let go...but it's hard!
@cornflower2, I don't think you are compatible with this guy. it sounds like you need a man to CHASE you and you are not the chaser.
edit you are too impatient and don't seem to realize that he's going to be going nowhere unless you do something about it. It seems to me you have to be the go-getter. Just like my husband's scorpio sun cousin was. she was the go-getter.click to expand
it just sounds like he is not in a good financial situation right now. (although the ordering expensive throws me off) and also the platonic gfs. there are some red flags in this situation. he hasn't done anything to make the bridge between you closer. if anything it sounds like you have to fight for him and go live with him, go to his city town, and move in with him and find work close by.
Posted by tizianiOh but it absolutely is. How can one take the high and mighty position in life and keep up with delusions of being a prize if they don't do that?
I don't think it's necessary to demonise this man. At the end of the day, it just sounds like you two genuinely don't communicate on the same level. His last message strikes me as a very vulnerable, yet also a downer. It's no fun to have something just open up to you on their emotions from a distance without any plans, although ironic that you dismissed the very real depth in his message because you couldn't see your place in it. Simply put: miscommunication. A natural result of long-distance and not being able to learn one another's habits/quirks in person.
I laughed at dismissing real depth too but then I realized she had to do that to keep on going with the low key shade because she might slip from the victim role she's placed herself in and then there would be no coddles. We can't have that.
It's so transparent.
Posted by LeDominoes2 people make it or break it. not just one. i don't see herself going hard at herself too for her part here...i don't see the humbleness in thinking "well maybe we just didn't flow well together" nor the willingness to consider points of view that clash with hers. i see however how in every post she adds another morsel of "isn't he just a douche" tidbit to slant the perspective of the audience.Posted by SomeSortOfMermaidWhere did I say you did not think she was genuinely looking for advice?Posted by LeDominoesPosted by SomeSortOfMermaidShe has said something that is demeaning / belittling of him? It appears that she is genuinely looking for advice.
People move at different paces and if you can't respect him taking things slow he's not for you. That does not make him a bad man at all, just different from you.
The way you talk about him shows zero respect towards him, and I'm sure he senses this in your communication too. It's only been a few months and yet you're being so demanding of him. He had a job and children and is financially strapped but rather than sympathise with him you're demonising him.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just being honest. As a fellow Aries moon, I think you're focusing way too much on your own feelings/needs and not taking his into consideration.
If he is too slow/casual for you, just move on.
Where did I say she's not genuinely looking for advice?
Also, she might not have said anything outright demeaning but the way she describes him (not his actions) show she doesn't hold him in a very high regard. His sun/moon combo is very intuitive one and he will pick up on it, if he hasn't already.
She sounds hurt and is troubled. What did you expect?click to expand
but if people can't see it, kumbaya in a circle it is. the poor, poor victim here.
roflmao.
BTDT.
Never would do it again. That's how I would deal with it.
Never would do it again. That's how I would deal with it.
Posted by starloverLibra and Aqua...? How could they not...? Who would really love us, if not Libra Venus?Posted by lisabethur8How can libra venus be compatible with an Aqua Venus though? Just because they are trine, and there may be some common ground, it still doesn't get away from the fact that romantic libra venus will not feel connected to the cold and detached aqua venusPosted by cornflower2Posted by lisabethur8
maybe because you are super duper smart, OP.
aquarius venus men also love brainy gals.
LOL Yeah he always says he likes that I'm so smart and that he loves my dry, witty humor. But sometimes I found myself wondering, if maybe after spending more time with him, I would realize, that he might be too superficial for me. I guess we're not compatible in regards of emotions and relationship goals
you have libra venus though, that is compatible with aqua venus.
from his chart, it sounds like he is the super shy type and you have to do the pursuing.
click to expand
I was loved by a Libra Venus for two decades and most likely still am, seeing that he is more interested in flying 1000 miles to visit me each year than in having a serious relationship with another woman. He did once or twice said I was cold, although it didn't sound like a criticism, but sort of reminder than I'm imperfect and human and should be loved and accepted for who I am. He even found some excuse for my personality (he put the blame on my Taurus mum 😄).
I have been in a LDR for the past 8 months and I am happy.
If You are not, there is no reason to continue it.
One thing I would ask: why don't you go see him whenever you like? I have the impression that you are waiting for him to do all the travelling and planning. As a Pisces with Aqua Venus, he probably does it quite often, actually......but only in his imagination!
If You are not, there is no reason to continue it.
One thing I would ask: why don't you go see him whenever you like? I have the impression that you are waiting for him to do all the travelling and planning. As a Pisces with Aqua Venus, he probably does it quite often, actually......but only in his imagination!
Oh...and I have no idea what a "rebound" relationship might be. I found Gem ex one day after being dumped by Aqua. We were together for two years. When it ended, I went back to the Aqua within a couple of moths. It took so long because he was abroad 🙂.
Posted by busyeyes88Actually, it could have lasted forever if it was after me......but Gem wanted to see if the grass was greener elsewhere! I was heartbroken.Posted by UndineYour 'rebound ' lasted two years!!! One of the 'lucky' ones huh and then you went back to your ex .... Hmmm
Oh...and I have no idea what a "rebound" relationship might be. I found Gem ex one day after being dumped by Aqua. We were together for two years. When it ended, I went back to the Aqua within a couple of moths. It took so long because he was abroad 🙂.
Everyone knows rebounds very rarely work as is the case here!!!click to expand
I was still mourning after Aqua to begin with (not that Gem really noticed). The only difference it made was that it took me six months to fall in love with Gem instead of the usual four.
What many don't realise: when in love, Aqua Venus is as committed as a Scorpio or Taurus Venus! We are fixed and fixated, FFS!
Posted by LeDominoesThis isn't about kicking anyone when they're down. With every pat on the head, coddle, and "you go girl, men are shit", she never has to address anything in HER behavior. So from one life experience to another, there is no awareness that there were TWO people involved.
so instead of kicking her while she is down
Men ask why women get entitled and they do because in the aftermath of every romantic failure there's always the female friend brigade to hold your hand and explain how the pig had it coming. If you don't know women derive pleasure from inserting their own misfortune to reprogram other women...then idk, I guess you don't see it. It's blatantly obvious in this topic.
It's one thing to be broken up with someone and then talk about their character, but throughout the topic she was still in contact with him yet made sure to come here and add one small negative tidbit about him at a time. That is disrespectful and disloyal. There's no questions they are not a good match but the way this is handled is not ok.
Posted by cornflower2Posted by KoniuchaaIn the beginning he always where I wanted to live, since I currently look for a new job and want to move as well. He said, when I want to come and live near him that's okay, but if I want to stay in my city, he'd look for a job there, to be with me... But that was in the first 4 weeks of our dating. Now he rarely speaks of this...And I have to agree with you, I do not feel like he puts a lot of effort into the relationships
Are you planning on eventually living close to each other?
Sorry, but after reading what you wrote, it doesn't sound good to me. I wouldn't be ok with him being in contact with an ex, unless they have a child together. Just doesn't sound like he is putting in much effort.
His Ex was also a Scorpio, he was obsessed with her, they were together 6 months only, seeing each other every 2 weeks. He told me he had to get psychological help after the breake-up with her (that was this February)click to expand
Uh oh. I'd be wary of this. I've been in this situation before, except I was the ex girlfriend. He would try dating people, but always came back to me. He dated someone for two months, and totally ignored me while doing so. She thought he was all about her. Then, he dropped her, came back full force with me, begged me to let him heal my heart, etc. He said the two+ years we were off and on (mostly off), he never stopped loving me and he dated others to try to get over me. Maybe your situation is different, but it doesn't sound like he is committed to you. I think it's hard for Scorpios to move on from someone they are obsessed with (my ex has told me that many times) and really love. Protect yourself before you get in too deep. Trust me, when you get in deep, you're more likely to put up with things you shouldn't. :/. It sounds like he just needs attention and is trying to move on from his ex, but I could be wrong.
Maaaaan, I've been there, too, Le Dominoes. The subtle manipulation of the other person to make them the victim when YOU are actually the victim. That was a time I never hope to experience again. I feel for you, and hope life is better for you now!
I agree about this being a "safe" place to vent. No one knows you, no one gets hurt.
I agree about this being a "safe" place to vent. No one knows you, no one gets hurt.
I thought I share the rest of my story with you guys. So here’s Part One:
We didn’t talk Wednesday, so I asked him via text for a phone talk yesterday evening. He said he’d like to and that he misses my voice (that got my hopes up again). 2 Minutes later I get a really long text from him, telling me our planned vacation is off due to too much stress at work, but that all the weekends are holy (his words). I felt a little down after that to be honest, because I was looking forward to the vacation, but I decided to see how our phone talk goes.
So finally we talk late at 11pm and I ask him why he had to send me the vacation news via text and couldn’t wait to tell this in person over the phone. He says: ”Why, does this makes a difference?” I tell him, that I was looking forward to our vacation time together, but that I understand and respect that he has work to do instead. What I do not understand is, why he makes time for 2 girls to stay with him, when he is so stressed out from work instead of meeting with me and that this makes me feel uneasy. His response: “Oh, you girls are all the same, you just want to be lied to. If I didn’t tell you about these girls, you wouldn’t worry now…” At that moment I started to feel that he didn’t even sees me as his girlfriend, but just some sort of affair.
So I drop this and ask him when we want to meet up instead, since his weekends are already quite full for August, with his Mum, his diving partner, his “platonic” girlfriends, his daughters… He says, he needs to see his Mum, cause he hasn’t seen her since Easter. Then my alarm bells started to ring, because he told me in May and June at some weekends, he had no time for us, since he was visiting his Mum. WTF – who did he see instead— I confront him and he gets all angry, telling me I’m twisting the facts, then he changes the topic very fast…
Side note: His former relationship ended, because his girlfriend found out from another person that he was seeing and sleeping with another woman at the same time…He always told me that this was a lie from a jealous admirer of him…
We didn’t talk Wednesday, so I asked him via text for a phone talk yesterday evening. He said he’d like to and that he misses my voice (that got my hopes up again). 2 Minutes later I get a really long text from him, telling me our planned vacation is off due to too much stress at work, but that all the weekends are holy (his words). I felt a little down after that to be honest, because I was looking forward to the vacation, but I decided to see how our phone talk goes.
So finally we talk late at 11pm and I ask him why he had to send me the vacation news via text and couldn’t wait to tell this in person over the phone. He says: ”Why, does this makes a difference?” I tell him, that I was looking forward to our vacation time together, but that I understand and respect that he has work to do instead. What I do not understand is, why he makes time for 2 girls to stay with him, when he is so stressed out from work instead of meeting with me and that this makes me feel uneasy. His response: “Oh, you girls are all the same, you just want to be lied to. If I didn’t tell you about these girls, you wouldn’t worry now…” At that moment I started to feel that he didn’t even sees me as his girlfriend, but just some sort of affair.
So I drop this and ask him when we want to meet up instead, since his weekends are already quite full for August, with his Mum, his diving partner, his “platonic” girlfriends, his daughters… He says, he needs to see his Mum, cause he hasn’t seen her since Easter. Then my alarm bells started to ring, because he told me in May and June at some weekends, he had no time for us, since he was visiting his Mum. WTF – who did he see instead— I confront him and he gets all angry, telling me I’m twisting the facts, then he changes the topic very fast…
Side note: His former relationship ended, because his girlfriend found out from another person that he was seeing and sleeping with another woman at the same time…He always told me that this was a lie from a jealous admirer of him…
Part Two: After the very confusing part about his Mum, he gets all soft and cuddly again and asks: “Please tell me something nice, you know I love you and I could see you every weekend, even every day!” So I say fine, then let’s be more specific, because I need to plan my life as well. Let’s meet on the weekends 07/29 and 08/06, I’ll come to your place and we can enjoy a wonderful time together at your coast ” And Boom! It’s very quiet at his end on the phone. I ask again and he says, let’s sleep over this and talk about it later. I tell him that I do not want to postpone it any longer, either he really wants to see me, then there is no harm in confirming to meet at these 2 weekends or he just wants me for his attention, or as a virtual girlfriend…He then says: “Well, I will try, if I can be free for you the weekend on 07/29 and I will tell you within the next days.”
That was the last straw for me and I knew then and there that I had to end things. Otherwise he would continue to string me along and nothing would ever change. So I thanked him for our nice time together, told him I appreciated many things he did and said to me but that I cannot be in a relationship any longer, where my partner doesn’t commit to meet and spend time together. I wished him all the best and ended the call.
One part of me feels sad now that it didn’t work out with us, the other part is a little relieved that all this quarreling for meeting with someone who constantly text you his love but never shows it through actions, is finally over…
I want give a big THANK YOU to all the people here that gave me valuable advice and comfort in my troubled time, I really appreciated this a lot. A special Thank You to @LeDominoes, @starlover, @tiziani, @lisabethur8, @busyeyes88
That was the last straw for me and I knew then and there that I had to end things. Otherwise he would continue to string me along and nothing would ever change. So I thanked him for our nice time together, told him I appreciated many things he did and said to me but that I cannot be in a relationship any longer, where my partner doesn’t commit to meet and spend time together. I wished him all the best and ended the call.
One part of me feels sad now that it didn’t work out with us, the other part is a little relieved that all this quarreling for meeting with someone who constantly text you his love but never shows it through actions, is finally over…
I want give a big THANK YOU to all the people here that gave me valuable advice and comfort in my troubled time, I really appreciated this a lot. A special Thank You to @LeDominoes, @starlover, @tiziani, @lisabethur8, @busyeyes88
Yeah thanks, it really helped me to be able to tell my story here.
Although we all do not know each other here, your words and the advice from some other users made me feel heard and kind of understood. If you know what I mean.
It’s sometimes easier to talk with strangers about our problems or fears than with friends. During the last three days I was going through a troubled time, feeling confused, not knowing how to work things out with him. But being able to vent here, getting lots of feedback in return, gave me some comfort and helped to see things clearer.
Have a lovely day @LeDominoes!
Although we all do not know each other here, your words and the advice from some other users made me feel heard and kind of understood. If you know what I mean.
It’s sometimes easier to talk with strangers about our problems or fears than with friends. During the last three days I was going through a troubled time, feeling confused, not knowing how to work things out with him. But being able to vent here, getting lots of feedback in return, gave me some comfort and helped to see things clearer.
Have a lovely day @LeDominoes!
Posted by cornflower2yw. but it just doesn't sound like he's interested in a serious commitment. he sounds like a forever bachelor. he likes you but it's not enough.
Part Two: After the very confusing part about his Mum, he gets all soft and cuddly again and asks: “Please tell me something nice, you know I love you and I could see you every weekend, even every day!” So I say fine, then let’s be more specific, because I need to plan my life as well. Let’s meet on the weekends 07/29 and 08/06, I’ll come to your place and we can enjoy a wonderful time together at your coast ” And Boom! It’s very quiet at his end on the phone. I ask again and he says, let’s sleep over this and talk about it later. I tell him that I do not want to postpone it any longer, either he really wants to see me, then there is no harm in confirming to meet at these 2 weekends or he just wants me for his attention, or as a virtual girlfriend…He then says: “Well, I will try, if I can be free for you the weekend on 07/29 and I will tell you within the next days.”
That was the last straw for me and I knew then and there that I had to end things. Otherwise he would continue to string me along and nothing would ever change. So I thanked him for our nice time together, told him I appreciated many things he did and said to me but that I cannot be in a relationship any longer, where my partner doesn’t commit to meet and spend time together. I wished him all the best and ended the call.
One part of me feels sad now that it didn’t work out with us, the other part is a little relieved that all this quarreling for meeting with someone who constantly text you his love but never shows it through actions, is finally over…
I want give a big THANK YOU to all the people here that gave me valuable advice and comfort in my troubled time, I really appreciated this a lot. A special Thank You to @LeDominoes, @starlover, @tiziani, @lisabethur8, @busyeyes88
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I'm curious about hearing everyone's input on one subject. we are always perceived as the vengeful sign of the zodiac. so let's say someone crosses you or someone upsets you. I'll do two scenarios. 1) a friend betrays you. on one end, you feel interna
What do you guys think of getting bit or biting people during make out sessions/sex? What's your Mars and Venus? I like it a lot on both sides. But since I have a huge issue with the side of my neck, I prefer it lower on the neck. Aries Venus Scorpi
I just checked my Dads Natal chart... and then my family I seriously realized something odd. I have Stellium in 7th house Sagittarius My Dad's has Stellium in 7th house Libra My Mom's has Stellium in 9th house Scorpio My Brother is close to having
Scorpio Sun with Aquarius Moon guy & their personality traits ?
I have another topic on here about my now ex-boyfriend Scorpio. Basically, he iced me out after an argument and said he wanted to end things. Well, I tried to calm him down for two or three days, and then I just gave up and left him alone. A day after
edit you are too impatient and don't seem to realize that he's going to be going nowhere unless you do something about it. It seems to me you have to be the go-getter. Just like my husband's scorpio sun cousin was. she was the go-getter.