sunshineyellow
@sunshineyellow
9 Years
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Move on - How? (Page 3)
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You moving on will RESET the power balance and RESET the relationship where it's more equally balanced because right now he's wielding a significant amount of the power which gives him the power and control to keep this situation going in the direction he wants it to go on which leads little wiggle room to negotiate your terms and conditions.
Hold onto yourself is and this is not selfish. You should never give yourself up for a relationship that is not reciprocal.
When you go no contact you shift the power because you are the one taking away his access which means in order for him to have you he'll have to DO something special to get you back and if he's the DOING something to get you back then he's actually developing REAL feelings for you and then he'll treat you better than he's ever treated you before because he now understand he can't have you unless he steps up and treat you better and when you behave this way you don't have to say one word, your actions says it all, he'll naturally do what you've always hoped he'd do..
He'll back but the best thing you can do is ignore him until he can demonstrate he can handle being more than just your friend. If he's only contacting you to get you back into a powerless position then it's not worth going back to that.
You'll know when you can speak to him again because he'll drop the mask and be real you, be open with you, he'll tell you how he feels about you so until that day it's best to move on.
Hold onto yourself is and this is not selfish. You should never give yourself up for a relationship that is not reciprocal.
When you go no contact you shift the power because you are the one taking away his access which means in order for him to have you he'll have to DO something special to get you back and if he's the DOING something to get you back then he's actually developing REAL feelings for you and then he'll treat you better than he's ever treated you before because he now understand he can't have you unless he steps up and treat you better and when you behave this way you don't have to say one word, your actions says it all, he'll naturally do what you've always hoped he'd do..
He'll back but the best thing you can do is ignore him until he can demonstrate he can handle being more than just your friend. If he's only contacting you to get you back into a powerless position then it's not worth going back to that.
You'll know when you can speak to him again because he'll drop the mask and be real you, be open with you, he'll tell you how he feels about you so until that day it's best to move on.
real with you...
You sound right tiki33 🙂
I wish this time I don't go back to him. 🙂
I haven't responded back to him considering this only, what you are saying I am totally getting it. I have blocked him from every social media and I don't even have his number in my contacts. All the email drama, I have deleted that already. I don't have his single picture either in my phone or laptop or my side desk. I don't have anything left which was given by him. We were good friends and in no way I will take advantage of it to get which is not mine. I have left that friendship in the past.
No he is not in a relationship. He is single. He does not desire to be committed right now. He just wants to have fun hence he is doing what he is doing.
I wish you a happy new year too Infinite 🙂
I was born on 7 May hence 57. TT because I am a typical Taurus.
I agree with you Alpha..
I was more speaking in terms as this.
If there is a smidgen of possibility that this man does feel something for her the "no contact" will REVEAL this to her but she has to stand her ground by not breaking contact unless he breaks his neck getting her back.
I know he's rejected her and I know there has been a power and control thing going on between the 2 of them but this is because she has shown little self control and self respect until now and her new energy--new behavior can turn a bad situation around.
I believe she should move on, delete him go no contact and don't look back until he can prove he's worth the energy and effort.
It's not all his fault.
When we women STAY AFTER being rejected men immediately understand that they can reject us, hurt us and we'll stay, well keep trying, we'll keep moving forward when realistically we should not.
So many women do this "I'll be his friend after he's rejected me" dance and it's pathetic on her part which is a huge disadvantage to her and her behavior actually VALIDATES that she is not worth the time and effort if she doesn't even love herself enough to move on to someone who will accept her.
She taught him that he can treat her piss poor by SHOWING UP for a man that rejected her. If he rejects her and she sits there begging for love like he's a doggy bone she'll give him permission to dog her out.
Sometimes a shift in a woman's energy can change a bad situation into something positive.
I was more speaking in terms as this.
If there is a smidgen of possibility that this man does feel something for her the "no contact" will REVEAL this to her but she has to stand her ground by not breaking contact unless he breaks his neck getting her back.
I know he's rejected her and I know there has been a power and control thing going on between the 2 of them but this is because she has shown little self control and self respect until now and her new energy--new behavior can turn a bad situation around.
I believe she should move on, delete him go no contact and don't look back until he can prove he's worth the energy and effort.
It's not all his fault.
When we women STAY AFTER being rejected men immediately understand that they can reject us, hurt us and we'll stay, well keep trying, we'll keep moving forward when realistically we should not.
So many women do this "I'll be his friend after he's rejected me" dance and it's pathetic on her part which is a huge disadvantage to her and her behavior actually VALIDATES that she is not worth the time and effort if she doesn't even love herself enough to move on to someone who will accept her.
She taught him that he can treat her piss poor by SHOWING UP for a man that rejected her. If he rejects her and she sits there begging for love like he's a doggy bone she'll give him permission to dog her out.
Sometimes a shift in a woman's energy can change a bad situation into something positive.
I was in office when he texted me that I need to find way for my happiness. I figured he just wants me to move on. There was nothing left to talk further more. I cried so bad sitting in my cube. I reached home and I deleted all his pictures from my phone, burnt his picture which I had on my side table's photo frame. I blocked his number from calling and messaging me. Blocked his email id. Deleted our chats - from 2011 till yesterday. Blocked him from instagram, twitter, facebook to even be able to search me.
He was my home. A person with whom I found peace even when I had nothing in hand. He is a place for me which has everything which I lost when my father died. But I left my home yesterday forever never to come back to it. I wish I find a better and fulfilling home in future because if I could not, I am screwed till my last breathe.
He won't come back, I know that. He is happy where he is. Its me who needs to find happiness somewhere else other than him. I will be getting married forcefully by end of this year. That's how I would end up. I don't even have time to regenerate myself prior to get forced to have another man.
If one day God could give me a privilege to shoot anyone on planet earth, I would shoot myself. I am unable to love myself. I love mom to accept her decision to get married, I love him to accept his decision to move on but I could not love myself to do what I want. I don't want to live with any man anymore. I only want to earn money and adopt a girl child and nurture her, see my childhood and life through her eyes. I would get her married only when she wants so, not forcefully, will provide her what she wants which I could not get. But I cannot imagine having another guy to have emotional connection again.
Thank you for everyone's help 🙂 I hope everyone would have a good time ahead !
He was my home. A person with whom I found peace even when I had nothing in hand. He is a place for me which has everything which I lost when my father died. But I left my home yesterday forever never to come back to it. I wish I find a better and fulfilling home in future because if I could not, I am screwed till my last breathe.
He won't come back, I know that. He is happy where he is. Its me who needs to find happiness somewhere else other than him. I will be getting married forcefully by end of this year. That's how I would end up. I don't even have time to regenerate myself prior to get forced to have another man.
If one day God could give me a privilege to shoot anyone on planet earth, I would shoot myself. I am unable to love myself. I love mom to accept her decision to get married, I love him to accept his decision to move on but I could not love myself to do what I want. I don't want to live with any man anymore. I only want to earn money and adopt a girl child and nurture her, see my childhood and life through her eyes. I would get her married only when she wants so, not forcefully, will provide her what she wants which I could not get. But I cannot imagine having another guy to have emotional connection again.
Thank you for everyone's help 🙂 I hope everyone would have a good time ahead !
Yes I am visiting home in may and will get arranged. I am from Indian origin. He was my neighbor. We both managed to study and live in US.
"When you talk about ''smidgen of possibility' and 'until he can prove he's worth the energy and effort', are you asking her to move on with a 'hope' that he might realize and come back? It's not clear to me. Can you please elaborate? In my previous comment to you, I copy-pasted some of the things she shared and it included time gaps. There were gaps of more than 6 months as well. So, why are we feeding her info to 'hold on' to something which doesn't even exist? She kept waiting for him in all those non-contact months but he didn't care a bit. "
No not hope but not all bad situations are doomed as in can't be salvaged but if it can be salvaged it will because HE WANTS it to be salvaged and no contact has been known to set a bad situation straight from time to time and can balance a one sided relationship. No contact should not be used to do this because if a woman is TRYING to save something by using no contact it will fail but again using no contact has been known to fix a broken situation.
The time gaps are in place because she has demonstrated she will accept those gaps. No contact is a non-verbal firm way of saying you cannot have me anymore which can compel a man (if he's a good man) stop misbehaving and be real with a woman.
He didn't care a bit because she didn't care a bit because if she cared about herself she would have NEVER waited for him in the first place.
When we women wait on a man that has rejected us it gives a man PERMISSION to make us wait. It gives him permission to continue the rejection behavior because that woman has demonstrated from day one she'll be there even when he's not. So do we blame him or do we blame her? Because a man will only do what we allow him to do. He can't do anything to her without her participating in it as well. She's a grown woman and if she wants to sit there and wait on his rejection then that's all on her, she's an adult and she is responsible for herself and her happiness so if she chooses to wait and be miserable then that's what she's choosing.
"She was in love with him. He wasn't. Wasn't it his responsibility as a good friend to help her get over her feelings towards him? Pull her out of this 'he loves me or he loves me not' confusion? Either by discussing with her or explaining to her why he wasn't into it? 4 years passe"
A grown woman has to help herself by knowing how to take care of herself. A man that has rejected a woman for years does not care about that woman and will drain her dry mentally, emotionally and physically and if it takes 4 or more years to do it he'll do it which is why it's so important for women to love themselves enough to move on after a man has rejected her.
Men (some of them) will not pull a grown woman up and give her clarity, it's just way too much to expect from a man that has decided on some level he does not want to engage himself emotionally anymore with her which is he rejected her in the first place.
No not hope but not all bad situations are doomed as in can't be salvaged but if it can be salvaged it will because HE WANTS it to be salvaged and no contact has been known to set a bad situation straight from time to time and can balance a one sided relationship. No contact should not be used to do this because if a woman is TRYING to save something by using no contact it will fail but again using no contact has been known to fix a broken situation.
The time gaps are in place because she has demonstrated she will accept those gaps. No contact is a non-verbal firm way of saying you cannot have me anymore which can compel a man (if he's a good man) stop misbehaving and be real with a woman.
He didn't care a bit because she didn't care a bit because if she cared about herself she would have NEVER waited for him in the first place.
When we women wait on a man that has rejected us it gives a man PERMISSION to make us wait. It gives him permission to continue the rejection behavior because that woman has demonstrated from day one she'll be there even when he's not. So do we blame him or do we blame her? Because a man will only do what we allow him to do. He can't do anything to her without her participating in it as well. She's a grown woman and if she wants to sit there and wait on his rejection then that's all on her, she's an adult and she is responsible for herself and her happiness so if she chooses to wait and be miserable then that's what she's choosing.
"She was in love with him. He wasn't. Wasn't it his responsibility as a good friend to help her get over her feelings towards him? Pull her out of this 'he loves me or he loves me not' confusion? Either by discussing with her or explaining to her why he wasn't into it? 4 years passe"
A grown woman has to help herself by knowing how to take care of herself. A man that has rejected a woman for years does not care about that woman and will drain her dry mentally, emotionally and physically and if it takes 4 or more years to do it he'll do it which is why it's so important for women to love themselves enough to move on after a man has rejected her.
Men (some of them) will not pull a grown woman up and give her clarity, it's just way too much to expect from a man that has decided on some level he does not want to engage himself emotionally anymore with her which is he rejected her in the first place.
Closure is rarely given because some men don't need closure therefore see no importance of giving closure to a woman so we women must learn how to accept rejection and let go and move on by closing the door on him.
Posted by AlphaI totally agree with you Alpha...
4 years passed away. What did he offer? 'I can't commit to you but I can have sex with you'. Instead of being a friend, he kept her as a prisoner only to take advantage of her without caring about how she felt. She has such a good heart and he clearly DON'T deserve her.
Honestly, in my opinion, she'll be thankful to herself in near future that she got rid of him.
Not all situations are so black and white, they can be very complex which is why some women stay.
Thanks everyone for your time and support.
Posted by AlphaAquarius actually...Posted by tiki33What's your zodiac sign, if you don't mind sharing? My guess is either Scorpio or Virgo.
Closure is rarely given because some men don't need closure therefore see no importance of giving closure to a woman so we women must learn how to accept rejection and let go and move on by closing the door on him.click to expand
That's what the issue is. I am not moving on naturally. I am forcing myself to move on making it more difficult than it is. True my dreamy intentions with him made me to suffer immensely from past few years but still I am not naturally moving on. I am not stupid that I cannot see what is good or bad for me, but here I am completely head over heels. I need to WANT to move on first and then it is easiest task for me to do in the world. It has become so much irritating.
Posted by TrueTaur57It feels forced now but if you stay steadfast your brain will catch up with you.
That's what the issue is. I am not moving on naturally. I am forcing myself to move on making it more difficult than it is. True my dreamy intentions with him made me to suffer immensely from past few years but still I am not naturally moving on. I am not stupid that I cannot see what is good or bad for me, but here I am completely head over heels. I need to WANT to move on first and then it is easiest task for me to do in the world. It has become so much irritating.
While you're fantasizing and dreaming of all the positives he's thought of all the negative reasons why he does not want to be with you and that is what you must do. You must stop the dreaming, fantasy he's my soulmate stuff and tell yourself the truth and keep telling yourself the truth until your brain catches up with reality.
When you give yourself up over and over and over again KNOWING he's rejected you as a love interest this is the risk women take by staying and this should be a big lesson that you never give yourself up, your heart, your love, your deep devotion unless it's mutually reciprocated because not doing so carries a heavy emotional burden for years and sometimes for decades.
The next guy that rejects you for whatever reason don't keep showing up for more rejection in hopes it'll some day turn into exclusivity, just move on. Do not show up for him not even as a friend, move on or risk this kind of emotional burden.
This is the thing im afraid the most, after falling in love with scorp, that my heart wouldnt beat the same way, everything turns plain, no love to compare to, stucked,
Cant get over,
Its a big mistake for taurus to fall in love with scorp, its an unforgetable intensity, unbearable desire.. He empty and dry your soul, he consumes you that much, yet he still wants "stay friends"
I already in the stage of this mental ill, daymit!
I have the same pain right now
Wish you luck, dear.. Youre not alone
Cant get over,
Its a big mistake for taurus to fall in love with scorp, its an unforgetable intensity, unbearable desire.. He empty and dry your soul, he consumes you that much, yet he still wants "stay friends"
I already in the stage of this mental ill, daymit!
I have the same pain right now
Wish you luck, dear.. Youre not alone
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Try to remember you are less than a SPEK in the universe.
That is how much is out there for you to see. That is how much is possible.
When things happen , they do. When they dont, it is not your fault.
Try to remember you are here to live your life.