CopperDove
@CopperDove
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Move on - How? (Page 2)
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Posted by TrueTaur57Do you honestly want to get over him?
It's extremely heart breaking, again. I have completely lost my mind here. I am behaving very stupidly. This shall too pass, dear god.
Be honest.
If you dont, then dont. Go get him.
Shit or get off the pot
I love this guy. But whenever we talk, we now either have intense discussion or random useless fights. He irks me by staying quiet and when I come to any conclusion on my own he fights saying I am a stupid that I don't understand anything. If he would be quiet like this, how would I know WTF is he thinking about this matter. I then apologize and stay quiet for some days and it repeats again. This is exactly what happened in last 2 days.
No I don't love any other guy. I tried but it could not happen. I am such calm and patient girl overall but when it comes to him, I need him when he is not around but when he is around we end up fighting again and again. I love him that I feel that these fights are hurting him somewhere so I go quiet.
Like I said before, I have completely lost my mind here. What I am doing, what I want, what should I do, what is right.
No I don't love any other guy. I tried but it could not happen. I am such calm and patient girl overall but when it comes to him, I need him when he is not around but when he is around we end up fighting again and again. I love him that I feel that these fights are hurting him somewhere so I go quiet.
Like I said before, I have completely lost my mind here. What I am doing, what I want, what should I do, what is right.
What is an emotional SM relationship?
I am feeling extremely tired in this case now.
Posted by starloverDon't forget to wind your watch. Or else time will run out on you much too soon.
Time is of the essence
Wait it out and be kind to yourself
Posted by TrueTaur57I'm assuming they mean sadomasochism. It can be abbreviated to S&M, SM and S/M.
What is an emotional SM relationship?
I am Taurus sun, scorpio asc, venus in aries . not sure how much it is related but I still wanted to say .
Not sure what should I do still, maybe leave it on god ?
Not sure what should I do still, maybe leave it on god ?
Why won't they leave you alone? That is why I am not able to move on because I am not getting closure from him 😢
Posted by Reincarnation🙂Posted by TrueTaur57Venus in Aries is not compatible with Scorpio.
I am Taurus sun, scorpio asc, venus in aries . not sure how much it is related but I still wanted to say .
Not sure what should I do still, maybe leave it on god ?
Move on.click to expand
Move on - How?
Play on the freeway.
It's cheap and guaranteed to cure.
Play on the freeway.
It's cheap and guaranteed to cure.
Posted by MrFirebirdgood one!
Move on - How?
Play on the freeway.
It's cheap and guaranteed to cure.
A lot of great advice here from everyone...
My 2 cents..
The thing about breaking no contact is that people tend to have go through the break up grief mourning process all over again which is why it's really not good for an interruption in no contact.
True57, you have to really make an effort to change up your routines. For example if at night is when you fallback into nostalgic thoughts about him then you must change that pattern/habit by getting up and doing a 5 minute pace back and forth to jolt you out of that habitual thinking.
For example if you find that you're gazing off into la la land during your downtime at home, get up and go out for a drink with a friend, as someone else stated start dating, no you do not have to be super attracted to your date but you can utilize these dates to take your mind off of your ex. You can have some great protected sex with a guy that you're not particularly into but enjoy sharing a bit of time with...Date, date, date, just go on a dating frenzy to help you move forward with your life.
The only person that can get you unstuck and keep you unstuck is you and you'll have to use every fiber of your energy to keep your mind focused on your life.
As soon as you find yourself drifting off you can get up and start walking and when you're walking and you drift off you can immediately turn heel and walk in the other direction because what this does is TRAIN your mind to shift away from him and at some point your mind will automatically stop drifting in and out on your ex.
No contact is hard and you must remember that every time you break no contact and then go back into no contact you start the whole break up process over and over and over again which is why it's so important not to break no contact. When you break no contact you put yourself in a vulnerable position because you have to go through the grief and pain and mourning all over again which is ONE reason why you can't stop thinking about him.
You can't stop thinking about him because you are breaking no contact and you are going through the break up process every time you go back into being in no contact with him.
Stop breaking no contact and eventually your mind and your heart will gradually move on but if you continue to go back to speaking him off and on you will never give yourself enough time to get over him.
Also a lot of SELF LOVE is needed right now. If you love yourself you would never allow yourself to be in love with a man that does not love you. If you love yourself you would never allow this kind of emotional mental punishment to go on. What you're doing is not loving yourself when you hold onto an imaginary one sided relationship.
My 2 cents..
The thing about breaking no contact is that people tend to have go through the break up grief mourning process all over again which is why it's really not good for an interruption in no contact.
True57, you have to really make an effort to change up your routines. For example if at night is when you fallback into nostalgic thoughts about him then you must change that pattern/habit by getting up and doing a 5 minute pace back and forth to jolt you out of that habitual thinking.
For example if you find that you're gazing off into la la land during your downtime at home, get up and go out for a drink with a friend, as someone else stated start dating, no you do not have to be super attracted to your date but you can utilize these dates to take your mind off of your ex. You can have some great protected sex with a guy that you're not particularly into but enjoy sharing a bit of time with...Date, date, date, just go on a dating frenzy to help you move forward with your life.
The only person that can get you unstuck and keep you unstuck is you and you'll have to use every fiber of your energy to keep your mind focused on your life.
As soon as you find yourself drifting off you can get up and start walking and when you're walking and you drift off you can immediately turn heel and walk in the other direction because what this does is TRAIN your mind to shift away from him and at some point your mind will automatically stop drifting in and out on your ex.
No contact is hard and you must remember that every time you break no contact and then go back into no contact you start the whole break up process over and over and over again which is why it's so important not to break no contact. When you break no contact you put yourself in a vulnerable position because you have to go through the grief and pain and mourning all over again which is ONE reason why you can't stop thinking about him.
You can't stop thinking about him because you are breaking no contact and you are going through the break up process every time you go back into being in no contact with him.
Stop breaking no contact and eventually your mind and your heart will gradually move on but if you continue to go back to speaking him off and on you will never give yourself enough time to get over him.
Also a lot of SELF LOVE is needed right now. If you love yourself you would never allow yourself to be in love with a man that does not love you. If you love yourself you would never allow this kind of emotional mental punishment to go on. What you're doing is not loving yourself when you hold onto an imaginary one sided relationship.
You are absolutely right. I have already planned to write him an email as my final statement and wipe out his every leftover memory. Every chats, pictures, his number, social media, everything. As if he never really came in life. Come 2016 and I will throw him away. Enough is enough. He was once upon a time my best friend but now he has became a source of pain.
Stop loving him by LOVING YOURSELF MORE...What's needed is a heavy dose of a reality check. Don't ever want a man that does not want you. You are worth so much more than what you're receiving which is NOTHING, you're getting no love from him and that should be enough to force you to make a huge effort to get up and move on for good.
He is not your soulmate if he does not love you back! Wake up girl and get into reality. He is stuck in your Aura and you must break this psychic bond you've formed. I remember an old mantra about breaking psychic bonds and cleaning out a persons Aura but for the life of I can't remember where I found that information but you can Google "how to break a soul mate connection" or "How to cut etheric cords" or "How to break a psychic bond."
http://foreverconscious.com/how-to-cut-etheric-cords-a-ritual-you-need-to-know
The above link is one place you can start.
You'll know when the disconnect happens. Some people actually feel the cord cutting. Some people cry or moan or yell out the rage and anger and hurt. Everyone has a different experience emotionally. The cord cutting has an different effect for each person.
"maybe I don't deserve to have love in life. "
Which is why you're holding onto a loveless situation. Women who feel they don't deserve love tend to gravitate towards an unavailable man that will not love her and she'll cling to him in her attempts to get him to love her so she can validate herself as being loveable.
You are loveable. You deserve love and your fathers passing is not your fault and his passing does not mean you are not worthy of being loved.
He is not your best friend. Best friends do not abandon the people they love. He has admitted he does not love you. Best friends love you. You've been good to him, a perfect friend and he has TAKEN that from granted by taking your love from you WITHOUT RECIPROCATION which means he doesn't appreciate you as a friend or as a best friend b/c if he did he would never have let you out of his sights.
You must get out of la la land about this guy and be honest. You loved him for 4 plus years. He did not love you. You were his best friend, he was not your best friend, he let you go and friends don't let the people they love go.
He is not your soulmate if he does not love you back! Wake up girl and get into reality. He is stuck in your Aura and you must break this psychic bond you've formed. I remember an old mantra about breaking psychic bonds and cleaning out a persons Aura but for the life of I can't remember where I found that information but you can Google "how to break a soul mate connection" or "How to cut etheric cords" or "How to break a psychic bond."
http://foreverconscious.com/how-to-cut-etheric-cords-a-ritual-you-need-to-know
The above link is one place you can start.
You'll know when the disconnect happens. Some people actually feel the cord cutting. Some people cry or moan or yell out the rage and anger and hurt. Everyone has a different experience emotionally. The cord cutting has an different effect for each person.
"maybe I don't deserve to have love in life. "
Which is why you're holding onto a loveless situation. Women who feel they don't deserve love tend to gravitate towards an unavailable man that will not love her and she'll cling to him in her attempts to get him to love her so she can validate herself as being loveable.
You are loveable. You deserve love and your fathers passing is not your fault and his passing does not mean you are not worthy of being loved.
He is not your best friend. Best friends do not abandon the people they love. He has admitted he does not love you. Best friends love you. You've been good to him, a perfect friend and he has TAKEN that from granted by taking your love from you WITHOUT RECIPROCATION which means he doesn't appreciate you as a friend or as a best friend b/c if he did he would never have let you out of his sights.
You must get out of la la land about this guy and be honest. You loved him for 4 plus years. He did not love you. You were his best friend, he was not your best friend, he let you go and friends don't let the people they love go.
Yeah I am gonna get drunk first then end it.
Yes, it can be rather like a drug addiction with relationships like these, I've found. It can be hard at first to stop the drug, so to speak, but if you stick with it and have plans for what to do when you crave the drug, even if they don't fully satisfy at first, you can kick the habit. 🙂
Posted by TrueTaur57haha, well, I hope not. That could lead to you writing/saying something that isn't final.
Yeah I am gonna get drunk first then end it.
I know what to do now. I could not do it before because I was speaking though my conscious mind but once my subconscious mind would start speaking, I know it would end it , in a way that no one would b e able to restart it again.
No more final emails. Cut the cord. There is nothing left to say to a man that does not love you back. Emailing him/contacting him at this point comes across as an act of desperation which can make matters worse for you especially if he does not respond which can pull you down inside even more.
Be brave. You can do it. You are stronger than you think. Go no contact and when he comes back don't answer.
You loving him benefits only HIM. Of course he'll be back. Who doesn't love to be loved! You make him feel good about himself. What man doesn't like to feel good so of course he'll always find his way back to TAKE the love that you freely give to him. His coming back is all about him...him him him, he's selfish and his coming back is motivated by his selfishness.
You loving him makes him feel good about himself. You loving him gives him the courage to love someone else other than you because your love gives him the confidence to pursue the woman he truly wants and again the benefit goes to SOMEONE ELSE other than you.
Your love that you freely give to him helps him but it hurts you because that love is not reciprocated fully.
Take a year off from this guy. Go cold turkey and don't break no contact for any reason, you won't regret doing this for yourself.
Be brave. You can do it. You are stronger than you think. Go no contact and when he comes back don't answer.
You loving him benefits only HIM. Of course he'll be back. Who doesn't love to be loved! You make him feel good about himself. What man doesn't like to feel good so of course he'll always find his way back to TAKE the love that you freely give to him. His coming back is all about him...him him him, he's selfish and his coming back is motivated by his selfishness.
You loving him makes him feel good about himself. You loving him gives him the courage to love someone else other than you because your love gives him the confidence to pursue the woman he truly wants and again the benefit goes to SOMEONE ELSE other than you.
Your love that you freely give to him helps him but it hurts you because that love is not reciprocated fully.
Take a year off from this guy. Go cold turkey and don't break no contact for any reason, you won't regret doing this for yourself.
I've had to do final messages sometimes. Simple, not venting, just letting the person know I wouldn't be corresponding with them any more. It isn't about giving ultimatums, it's goodbye put simply. The person is at least informed that you won't be in contact, reducing potential drama instead of making them wonder if you're dead which is far more dramatic and invites more messages from them than they might send otherwise, if they're going to send anything.
This guy isn't a monster, he's just manipulative, from what OP has shared. He needs to be out of her life, but informing him doesn't seem wrong to me. Inform and stick to it.
OP hadn't sent any kind of final "I won't be in contact with you any more" message yet, last I knew, so that's why I advised a truly final one. Short, simple, unemotional, it just tells the person that it's over.
The rare times I've had to do this, and friends of mine have had to do this with people they had unhealthy relationships with, the person usually replied and wrote again at least one more time, maybe a few months later, and their manipulative qualities often came out more (amazing how much a manipulative person will reveal themselves when they have silence to go on) and it was a struggle at times to see them flounder and spout, but we held firm and they gave up after a while. The really manipulative ones tried various tactics to open up communication again.
This guy isn't a monster, he's just manipulative, from what OP has shared. He needs to be out of her life, but informing him doesn't seem wrong to me. Inform and stick to it.
OP hadn't sent any kind of final "I won't be in contact with you any more" message yet, last I knew, so that's why I advised a truly final one. Short, simple, unemotional, it just tells the person that it's over.
The rare times I've had to do this, and friends of mine have had to do this with people they had unhealthy relationships with, the person usually replied and wrote again at least one more time, maybe a few months later, and their manipulative qualities often came out more (amazing how much a manipulative person will reveal themselves when they have silence to go on) and it was a struggle at times to see them flounder and spout, but we held firm and they gave up after a while. The really manipulative ones tried various tactics to open up communication again.
He never asked me to leave. First time when he said he does not have anything for me, I told him that I have to break this friendship also to move on. He did not let me go. I wrote him an email but he still did not let me go. That happened in Aug 2013. We continued talking. I felt need to see him for the last time and I went to see him in his state. He did not care to meet. I came back and again wrote him a long email about WTF is happening and how much I am craving to leave him completely. He did not read it and deleted. By that time it was already Feb 2014. We continued talking again. He graduated in May 2014 and I again wrote him that its high time I leave his life and he did not reply back. Whenever he did not reply back , I figured he is not giving me closure at all and he is just letting the phase pass again because I am being stubborn about leaving his life. His bday came in on 30 Oct 2014 and I presented him a gift as a lover which actually took me about 3 months to make. He did not care and did not even see it. I was heart broken completely. In December 2014, I again wrote him an email saying this is my final goodbye, I said I cannot take it anymore and I have to leave. We did not talk for next 6 months. He reappeared in June 2015 and asked if I can still just be friends without any awkwardness. And we again continued talking. And it is still continuing.
I maintained no contact again for a month in November but our talks again got resumed in Dec 2015. All this time when we saw a pause and resume in talking, he never shouted at me, kept it calm and talked to me as a best close friend kind. Its always me who talked about leaving and breaking all ties. He never asked me to leave.
I know writing him an email again won't work. He won't come to meet me either. He won't pick my call also. If I chat about it, he would say "as you wish" again because he has an idea that I will come back again. If I don't tell him that this time also I am planning to leave, the issue would be left hanging. I thought maybe I get extreme drunk and leave him a voicemail but not sure if I should do this much drama. He is the person who saved me from suicide in 2012. I never knew one day we will face this.
I know no matter with whom I talk , its only him and me who can solve this problem which is becoming complicated day by day. I know I will get married to someone else and I want to be completely loyal to him. I don't want my Scorpio man around me there at all. I am a one man woman. I can never have two men at one time.
When we were just friends he told me how much he has loved his childhood sweetheart who left him after 3 year of relationship. He told me that he just does not believe in love anymore. He does not want a committed relationship instead just want to have fun, means sex. Between us it did not happen as I need emotional connection first and then my body is all yours. I did not want to use my body to get him, won't ever do that.
I maintained no contact again for a month in November but our talks again got resumed in Dec 2015. All this time when we saw a pause and resume in talking, he never shouted at me, kept it calm and talked to me as a best close friend kind. Its always me who talked about leaving and breaking all ties. He never asked me to leave.
I know writing him an email again won't work. He won't come to meet me either. He won't pick my call also. If I chat about it, he would say "as you wish" again because he has an idea that I will come back again. If I don't tell him that this time also I am planning to leave, the issue would be left hanging. I thought maybe I get extreme drunk and leave him a voicemail but not sure if I should do this much drama. He is the person who saved me from suicide in 2012. I never knew one day we will face this.
I know no matter with whom I talk , its only him and me who can solve this problem which is becoming complicated day by day. I know I will get married to someone else and I want to be completely loyal to him. I don't want my Scorpio man around me there at all. I am a one man woman. I can never have two men at one time.
When we were just friends he told me how much he has loved his childhood sweetheart who left him after 3 year of relationship. He told me that he just does not believe in love anymore. He does not want a committed relationship instead just want to have fun, means sex. Between us it did not happen as I need emotional connection first and then my body is all yours. I did not want to use my body to get him, won't ever do that.
I can have sex with him anytime but he won't agree as he knows how much I love him and if we ever would have sex, it would be love making, not just sex. He is not a bad person but he is only behaving the way he feels is right. I remember he used to say love is a danger zone and it can make him vulnerable so he would avoid it till he can. See how much vulnerable I have become now 🙂 I am a strong woman who fought against her family, culture and traditions to achieve success. He was a part of my that struggle. He gave me immense courage to achieve my dreams and when he got to know that I also graduated and now earning in six figures he was so damn happy for me. Even my own mom did not show me that much happiness but he did. I am not praising him but I am just saying that a part of him has grown in me. We were part of each other's struggled life. It won't be easy to have a cut off completely. No matter who is going to come in life, he does not know what I have been through and does not really respect my struggle. That's why it is difficult for me to accept another guy.
From the day he rejected till today, whenever I told him about my any smallest problem he fixed it immediately. He said its weird to talk because he sensed that something is going on in my mind and I am not telling him. I know him when he was just another college guy. I know how he behaves. We were extremely good friends from 2011 till 2013 till I confessed to him that I madly love him.
You tell me how to break it all. My mind has stopped working.
From the day he rejected till today, whenever I told him about my any smallest problem he fixed it immediately. He said its weird to talk because he sensed that something is going on in my mind and I am not telling him. I know him when he was just another college guy. I know how he behaves. We were extremely good friends from 2011 till 2013 till I confessed to him that I madly love him.
You tell me how to break it all. My mind has stopped working.
OP, I know it's hard, but you've had many answers here about what to do. Now it's up to you to follow through and break ties with him, not wait for him to do it, because you can't be in a healthy friendship with him for many reasons. There are men who will respect what you've been through and not disrespect you when you express that you're in pain emotionally, like this man has done when you've tried to cut ties with him in the past.
You probably should see a therapist about this, because you're struggling so much with the reality of what needs to be done. They can perhaps help you with your instability, if you are truly willing to work on it.
It doesn't matter if he tries to keep the ties going, it will be up to you to make sure you don't have contact with him. You're giving him too much power in this situation, and I think that it probably makes you feel less out of control to know that he still wants you in his life, but the truth is that this isn't healthy for either of you. Even if you had a strong friendship in the past, you are damaging to each other now.
So seeing a therapist is probably the best thing.
I wish you all the best.
You probably should see a therapist about this, because you're struggling so much with the reality of what needs to be done. They can perhaps help you with your instability, if you are truly willing to work on it.
It doesn't matter if he tries to keep the ties going, it will be up to you to make sure you don't have contact with him. You're giving him too much power in this situation, and I think that it probably makes you feel less out of control to know that he still wants you in his life, but the truth is that this isn't healthy for either of you. Even if you had a strong friendship in the past, you are damaging to each other now.
So seeing a therapist is probably the best thing.
I wish you all the best.
Posted by TrueTaur57Why the hell are you writing to him—??
You are absolutely right. I have already planned to write him an email as my final statement and wipe out his every leftover memory. Every chats, pictures, his number, social media, everything. As if he never really came in life. Come 2016 and I will throw him away. Enough is enough. He was once upon a time my best friend but now he has became a source of pain.
I told yall this gurl dont wanna move on. She just wants to kepp reliving the past over n over again.
Her friends are probably tired of hearing about him. So now DXP has to relive years and years.
Watch, she'll be on linda land next.
Her friends are probably tired of hearing about him. So now DXP has to relive years and years.
Watch, she'll be on linda land next.
Posted by CopperDoveI know I shouldn't but...what if he grows up and realizes what he had lost in her and
And by staying firm, I mean no matter what he writes back, don't reply after you send your final statement. The point is that it's a final statement, not inviting negotiation.
will rethink and come back to give her everything she had ever wanted? 0 chances?
Also if Scorps never forget people - doesn't it hurts him as much? The end of the friendship?
Also I would love 1 example of what he had done to her that even her mother wouldn't?
Posted by GemitatiThat could be re-evaluated at that time, if she's healthier as well with how she feels and thinks. I have rarely seen it work out with such a conflicted history between the people involved, like OP has shared about this guy and herself. Too much damage, and too many changes needed on both sides to make a healthy relationship. Friendship at most is probably all that could happen, in the far future, but likely not even that.Posted by CopperDoveI know I shouldn't but...what if he grows up and realizes what he had lost in her and
And by staying firm, I mean no matter what he writes back, don't reply after you send your final statement. The point is that it's a final statement, not inviting negotiation.
will rethink and come back to give her everything she had ever wanted? 0 chances?
Also if Scorps never forget people - doesn't it hurts him as much? The end of the friendship?
Also I would love 1 example of what he had done to her that even her mother wouldn't?click to expand
Losing friendships can be hard, but if the friendship wasn't healthy and the person gets healthier and can see that, they won't miss the unhealthy friendship. Not all Scorps hang on to memories, etc. like you read about. Maybe they don't forget the person, but any intensity with the connection can fade over time.
Posted by GemitatiHe doesn't need to grow up. Loving you isn't the equivalent of growing up. He has clearly stated he does not feel the way you feel.Posted by CopperDoveI know I shouldn't but...what if he grows up and realizes what he had lost in her and
And by staying firm, I mean no matter what he writes back, don't reply after you send your final statement. The point is that it's a final statement, not inviting negotiation.
will rethink and come back to give her everything she had ever wanted? 0 chances?
Also if Scorps never forget people - doesn't it hurts him as much? The end of the friendship?
Also I would love 1 example of what he had done to her that even her mother wouldn't?click to expand
When you accept his rejection you'll grow up, you won't necessarily stop loving him but you'll be grown up woman enough to know that loving a man that does not love you back is not in your best interest.
His feelings does not matter as much but YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS MATTER more and when you grow up you will put you first.
Holding onto one side love is not love, love does not hurt, love doesn't require you wait and hope and beg and want something that isn't there.
Posted by tegonyWHY does he need her to come back again if he doesn't care about her?
You have said "goodbye" to him so many times. He knows that you will come back again. He is waiting for it. He stayes there so calm and says "as you wish". He doesn't really respect that you want to be apart.
Please, help yourself. Make him understand that you are serious this time. Cut off all communication. He will respect that, but only if he understands that you are serious this time. Don't hurt yourself anymore with him. Just make it clear that you won't cut him off because of bad blood between you, but because you need to protect yourself. Don't obsess over him. Take care of yourself.
Posted by tegonyif he's having her around forever, that's being very very selfish. Especially if he knows he don't love her "that way" but only friendship/platonic while he finds the love of his life somewhere else.
I cannot explain that, but he will be around forever...
Probably he wants her to be around him with the kind of relationship he wants...
she's gonna learn her lesson the hard way sadly. too stubborn. no matter what anyone says. it comes out one ear out the other.
I know lots of replies here are talking about why I am so soft towards him. But I am glad I talked to you all about it , you can say it was my decision making phase and it took me time to decide what to do next about it and no doubt everyone helped me a lot by giving their own views on what to do in this case.
Yesterday I texted him (I am writing the same thing which I wrote to him) that I still love you. I can never see you as just friends only. Tell me what do you think we should do now.
I specifically asked him what are his desires now when he knows what my mind is secreting. All this time I was taking decisions but I know now when I have asked him to take decisions, he has to come up with something and as I look to him for decisions, whatever he will say I will abide to him. He hasn't replied yet and I don't even think he will. If he did, I know what to say - that the way he is thinking, its not gonna work like that. Its either black or white. Because I really want to love my husband, my life and live happily, not sadly. I am feeling extremely positive from last night.
Surprisingly I did not cry or felt bad when I wrote a message to him. I am still feeling whatever he would suggest doing, I am only going to say that either give me a chance or leave my life forever. This time I am not letting you come back no matter what.
I hope I am doing somewhere right.
Yesterday I texted him (I am writing the same thing which I wrote to him) that I still love you. I can never see you as just friends only. Tell me what do you think we should do now.
I specifically asked him what are his desires now when he knows what my mind is secreting. All this time I was taking decisions but I know now when I have asked him to take decisions, he has to come up with something and as I look to him for decisions, whatever he will say I will abide to him. He hasn't replied yet and I don't even think he will. If he did, I know what to say - that the way he is thinking, its not gonna work like that. Its either black or white. Because I really want to love my husband, my life and live happily, not sadly. I am feeling extremely positive from last night.
Surprisingly I did not cry or felt bad when I wrote a message to him. I am still feeling whatever he would suggest doing, I am only going to say that either give me a chance or leave my life forever. This time I am not letting you come back no matter what.
I hope I am doing somewhere right.
No no you are totally having me wrong. I don't need to ask him about everything. I asked him this because we were trying to just be friends and we did have a deal that any time if it is awkward we will talk to sort it out and if we are not able to handle it , it will be end. Hence I asked him his suggestions.
He replied to me neutral again. Just one sentence, I don't know.
Is this how Scorpios behave? He neither says yes nor no. I don't get closure from him. Again he is making me to take whatever decision I want to take. If I try to get anything out of him forcefully he just leaves the conversation.
I cannot see people bashing me. It breaks my heart even more. If me asking about these things are irritating others, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I am really sorry if I wasted people's time and value here.
Have a good one! 🙂
He replied to me neutral again. Just one sentence, I don't know.
Is this how Scorpios behave? He neither says yes nor no. I don't get closure from him. Again he is making me to take whatever decision I want to take. If I try to get anything out of him forcefully he just leaves the conversation.
I cannot see people bashing me. It breaks my heart even more. If me asking about these things are irritating others, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I am really sorry if I wasted people's time and value here.
Have a good one! 🙂
Posted by GemitatiHe needs her back again because a lot of women that are in her situation do not understand they become a HABIT, she becomes an attachment where he's ATTACHED to her and has formed a habit of interacting with her, most women call this friendship because she does not understand what's being developed between her and the guy she's dealing with.Posted by tegonyWHY does he need her to come back again if he doesn't care about her?
You have said "goodbye" to him so many times. He knows that you will come back again. He is waiting for it. He stayes there so calm and says "as you wish". He doesn't really respect that you want to be apart.
Please, help yourself. Make him understand that you are serious this time. Cut off all communication. He will respect that, but only if he understands that you are serious this time. Don't hurt yourself anymore with him. Just make it clear that you won't cut him off because of bad blood between you, but because you need to protect yourself. Don't obsess over him. Take care of yourself.click to expand
These attachments are not a good kind of "I love her need her" attachment/habit but it's more so about she becomes part of his daily weekly routine.
It's equivalent of having a coffee in the morning habit. It's the equivalent of I talk to her at such and such time and see her at such and such time and I talk to this other girl every Friday and I see my boys every weekend kind of habit. While she's falling in love he's not. He does not feel the SAME value of the "situation/friendship" with her as much as she does with him.
The simple easy answer is he will keep coming back b/c she let's him. There is nothing more powerful than being validate/validation knowing her door is always open no matter how long of a hiatus he takes from her.
If he has a personality disorder then there is a whole notha explanation because men with personality disorders DISGUISE themselves to women as SoulMates. Even when they discard a woman they never let her go. .Therefore there is a more indepth reason as to why he'd come back.
The person who posted this thread has not indicated this so I can only assume he's your average guy who finds himself tangled up with a woman he does not love the same way she loves him but receives great emotional mental benefits to his self esteem by keeping her as a contact.
Posted by TrueTaur57What you FAIL to realize is you have this deep love for him that transcends friendship therefore you can never really be a purely platonic friend b/c you love him and feel you are in love with him.
No no you are totally having me wrong. I don't need to ask him about everything. I asked him this because we were trying to just be friends and we did have a deal that any time if it is awkward we will talk to sort it out and if we are not able to handle it , it will be end. Hence I asked him his suggestions.
He replied to me neutral again. Just one sentence, I don't know.
Is this how Scorpios behave? He neither says yes nor no. I don't get closure from him. Again he is making me to take whatever decision I want to take. If I try to get anything out of him forcefully he just leaves the conversation.
I cannot see people bashing me. It breaks my heart even more. If me asking about these things are irritating others, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I am really sorry if I wasted people's time and value here.
Have a good one! 🙂
Your attempts at friendship is your attempt to maintain a connection with him--hoping he'll figure out he loves you too and is in love with you too and this simply will never ever happen.
When men feel friendship they feel friendship. There are exceptions to the rule but you are not the exception in this particular situation.
He replied neutral because you are a friend, someone he is not mentally emotionally physically attached to so there is no need to GIVE you more hope. He acknowledged as to not hurt you but he will not freely give more of himself to lead you on.
You will not get closure from him because he's ALREADY GAVE YOU CLOSURE when he said he does not love you/feel the same way you feel, that was your closure and yet you keep searching for romantic validation and his love which is not there.
No one is bashing you but you could use a good mental thrashing, it's part of the deprogramming that is required in the WAKE UP process but it's all out of love and respect or we all would just ignore you completely.
It's clear you do not want to wake up. Waste away. It's your life you to do what you want to do and you can live it or waste it.
tiki33 you described it well, as have many others here who have tried to offer suggestions and insight.
Waking up and seeing reality can be very painful and startling, but it's needed to kick off the moving on process.
Until you get to that point, OP, you will likely feel very conflicted and want him to make statements that give you closure, which he won't do in the way that you're hoping, as you just saw with his reply to you.
He has already given you what you need to know - he doesn't want a romance with you. He won't stay away unless you make sure that he stays away because you end contact and don't reply to him if he tries to initiate it again. It's up to you to change this for yourself, he isn't going to change it, there's no reason for him to, he isn't hurting like you are because he isn't in love with you.
Waking up and seeing reality can be very painful and startling, but it's needed to kick off the moving on process.
Until you get to that point, OP, you will likely feel very conflicted and want him to make statements that give you closure, which he won't do in the way that you're hoping, as you just saw with his reply to you.
He has already given you what you need to know - he doesn't want a romance with you. He won't stay away unless you make sure that he stays away because you end contact and don't reply to him if he tries to initiate it again. It's up to you to change this for yourself, he isn't going to change it, there's no reason for him to, he isn't hurting like you are because he isn't in love with you.
Thank you all for your advise. It has been immensely helpful in giving me strength and courage to do what I was not being able to do even if it is my first need - to stay farthest from this man. Amputate - yes that's what I am doing. He is open for sex and food but not loyalty towards me and it is disgusting. This time no one would be back. 🙂 Gut feeling , it says this is the last time. Time to learn to let go what no longer serves the purpose. I know we can never be just friends when we have that much horrible past. He just told me that he is not ready for commitment but still is available if I want orgasm. Even if I have feelings for him I still won't have sex with him. His heart is unavailable and I learned that in past 2 days. I don't need therapy or him to move me on in this life for betterment.
I must not talk with him, but the more I talk to him the more I find reasons to move on. It helped me and gave me more reasons to stay away from him. But I really don't want to establish another conversation with him 🙂 Everything's good and will be better and ultimately best.
Thank you all for helping me in taking a decision good for us both.
I must not talk with him, but the more I talk to him the more I find reasons to move on. It helped me and gave me more reasons to stay away from him. But I really don't want to establish another conversation with him 🙂 Everything's good and will be better and ultimately best.
Thank you all for helping me in taking a decision good for us both.
That's excellent @TrueTaur57! 🙂
I believe this guy really does value you and for that reason he is only trying to protect you from falling deeper and deeper.
He doesnt want to loose ur friendship. If he did, trust me you two would have had sex by now in those last 5-6 years and he would probably have been long gone after all the email drama etc.
Being a scorpio, He values the times uve been there for each other and thats something to him, but he cant help you with your emotions. He doesnt want to go far with you to protect you because he doesnt see you the way you see him. Im 100 percent sure he doesnt know what to do about it either.
He doesnt want to loose ur friendship. If he did, trust me you two would have had sex by now in those last 5-6 years and he would probably have been long gone after all the email drama etc.
Being a scorpio, He values the times uve been there for each other and thats something to him, but he cant help you with your emotions. He doesnt want to go far with you to protect you because he doesnt see you the way you see him. Im 100 percent sure he doesnt know what to do about it either.
Posted by TrueTaur57Good Luck and I mean it...
Thank you all for your advise. It has been immensely helpful in giving me strength and courage to do what I was not being able to do even if it is my first need - to stay farthest from this man. Amputate - yes that's what I am doing. He is open for sex and food but not loyalty towards me and it is disgusting. This time no one would be back. 🙂 Gut feeling , it says this is the last time. Time to learn to let go what no longer serves the purpose. I know we can never be just friends when we have that much horrible past. He just told me that he is not ready for commitment but still is available if I want orgasm. Even if I have feelings for him I still won't have sex with him. His heart is unavailable and I learned that in past 2 days. I don't need therapy or him to move me on in this life for betterment.
I must not talk with him, but the more I talk to him the more I find reasons to move on. It helped me and gave me more reasons to stay away from him. But I really don't want to establish another conversation with him 🙂 Everything's good and will be better and ultimately best.
Thank you all for helping me in taking a decision good for us both.
We live 1600 miles away currently. Even if we want to have sex, someone would have to travel. Anyway I want to ask a question. should I have sex with him if we both know I love him but he does not? I think it will complicate it even more.
I am writing some of his texts which he sent me on 31st and 1st Jan. You can decide what he wants.
"We can have sex but not possible for anything else"
"Should I book flights for a weekend"
"Do you just want to have sex"
"How dare you said I don't care for you"
"If I weren't I wouldn't be talking to you at 3 in the morning of new year"
"I cherish our friendship every time"
"I cannot see you in pain"
"Be with someone, maybe its better"
"Why do you think about me when you are with someone else"
"Why you don't let any other man touch you"
"I don't know what to tell you"
"Don't cry, sleep you are tired"
I haven't talked to him after this. We both don't know what to talk after this. I don't think there is anything left to say between us.
I am writing some of his texts which he sent me on 31st and 1st Jan. You can decide what he wants.
"We can have sex but not possible for anything else"
"Should I book flights for a weekend"
"Do you just want to have sex"
"How dare you said I don't care for you"
"If I weren't I wouldn't be talking to you at 3 in the morning of new year"
"I cherish our friendship every time"
"I cannot see you in pain"
"Be with someone, maybe its better"
"Why do you think about me when you are with someone else"
"Why you don't let any other man touch you"
"I don't know what to tell you"
"Don't cry, sleep you are tired"
I haven't talked to him after this. We both don't know what to talk after this. I don't think there is anything left to say between us.
He does not value her if he's only available for sex. He values the BENEFITS ie the sex, the constant contact/mental/ emotional stimulation which is all for the benefit of HIM, him him him. Stimulation is not the same as love/being in love.
Some people are stimulation addicts and just want to be constantly mentally stimulated by someone daily, the person doesn't matter as in the importance of the relationship, any BODY will do.
No, do not have sex with him. You're kidding yourself if you think at this point you can have sex and detach yourself from the dreamy idea that some day he'll love me back.
He's being mentally and emotionally manipulative because you keep sharing all your love, tears, fears and feelings with him.
Do you not understand the disadvantage you have put yourself in when he's rejected you over and over and over again by offering you LESS and you yet you still show up, you still sit around pining over him and not allowing another man to love you.
He's feeling like a confident God that controls you and your happiness, that's a very powerful feeling for a man.
He can reject you over and over again and yet you still GIVE him your all, your heart, your happiness, your love which is why he will not go away, you keep this man's self esteem intact--one of the advantages for him is he gets to feel good about himself even though he gives you nothing. If he gives you an orgasm you will attach yourself to the WRONG man even further and you will lose your ever loving mind.
There is no fear of loss with you. He doesn't have to feel pain b/c he's not losing anything and he might just GAIN an extra added bonus of sex with you at some point which will make him feel even better about being in love with himself--loving himself while you love him too is an EXTRA BONUS for him.
At this point he's AWARE he has total control over you and your happiness and in order to keep the ADVANTAGE he has over you sex will need to be the next step and you can just check yourself into a mental ward okay because you're going to lose yourself, your mind, everything, hell you're already on the edge of mental insanity believe it or not..
Some Scorpio males are controlling and need to have the upper hand over their targets at all times and they will just twist those pinchers as deep as they can out of sheer delight .
Some people are stimulation addicts and just want to be constantly mentally stimulated by someone daily, the person doesn't matter as in the importance of the relationship, any BODY will do.
No, do not have sex with him. You're kidding yourself if you think at this point you can have sex and detach yourself from the dreamy idea that some day he'll love me back.
He's being mentally and emotionally manipulative because you keep sharing all your love, tears, fears and feelings with him.
Do you not understand the disadvantage you have put yourself in when he's rejected you over and over and over again by offering you LESS and you yet you still show up, you still sit around pining over him and not allowing another man to love you.
He's feeling like a confident God that controls you and your happiness, that's a very powerful feeling for a man.
He can reject you over and over again and yet you still GIVE him your all, your heart, your happiness, your love which is why he will not go away, you keep this man's self esteem intact--one of the advantages for him is he gets to feel good about himself even though he gives you nothing. If he gives you an orgasm you will attach yourself to the WRONG man even further and you will lose your ever loving mind.
There is no fear of loss with you. He doesn't have to feel pain b/c he's not losing anything and he might just GAIN an extra added bonus of sex with you at some point which will make him feel even better about being in love with himself--loving himself while you love him too is an EXTRA BONUS for him.
At this point he's AWARE he has total control over you and your happiness and in order to keep the ADVANTAGE he has over you sex will need to be the next step and you can just check yourself into a mental ward okay because you're going to lose yourself, your mind, everything, hell you're already on the edge of mental insanity believe it or not..
Some Scorpio males are controlling and need to have the upper hand over their targets at all times and they will just twist those pinchers as deep as they can out of sheer delight .
This man is power hungry and power tripping over the control he has over this situation with you and this does not benefit you at all.
Posted by TrueTaur57How old are you?
We live 1600 miles away currently. Even if we want to have sex, someone would have to travel. Anyway I want to ask a question. should I have sex with him if we both know I love him but he does not? I think it will complicate it even more.
I am writing some of his texts which he sent me on 31st and 1st Jan. You can decide what he wants.
"We can have sex but not possible for anything else"
"Should I book flights for a weekend"
"Do you just want to have sex"
"How dare you said I don't care for you"
"If I weren't I wouldn't be talking to you at 3 in the morning of new year"
"I cherish our friendship every time"
"I cannot see you in pain"
"Be with someone, maybe its better"
"Why do you think about me when you are with someone else"
"Why you don't let any other man touch you"
"I don't know what to tell you"
"Don't cry, sleep you are tired"
I haven't talked to him after this. We both don't know what to talk after this. I don't think there is anything left to say between us.
We both are 25 years old.
I don't know what to say tiki. No no no I won't end up in a mental ward. No. I have struggled all my life to be where I am in my career. No I am not going to let him touch me as a power control. I just said what he said. He did message again to know if I am okay but I deleted his text already.
Please do not scare me. I am already scared a lot about this situation.
I don't know what to say tiki. No no no I won't end up in a mental ward. No. I have struggled all my life to be where I am in my career. No I am not going to let him touch me as a power control. I just said what he said. He did message again to know if I am okay but I deleted his text already.
Please do not scare me. I am already scared a lot about this situation.
No not to scare you but to make you AWARE of the path you're going down with him and that path gets more and more difficult and darker as you stay engaged. This does not look good for you at all.
I know you love him and I know you feel you need him but unless the feeling is mutual he's wasting your time and you're allowing him to waste your time.
Slowly untangle if you can. Go cold turkey if you can. You must dig deep down to find the inner strength to let this go. You have to be the one let go because he's not going to do it and why should let you go since he's the one holding all the cards and has the best possible hand/advantage in this situation.
Him asking if you're alright makes it appear he cares but he does not care in the way you want and need him to care. He's just ensuring you remain captured so he can keep being the Master over you once you truly grip this reality it will become much easier to let this go.
I know you love him and I know you feel you need him but unless the feeling is mutual he's wasting your time and you're allowing him to waste your time.
Slowly untangle if you can. Go cold turkey if you can. You must dig deep down to find the inner strength to let this go. You have to be the one let go because he's not going to do it and why should let you go since he's the one holding all the cards and has the best possible hand/advantage in this situation.
Him asking if you're alright makes it appear he cares but he does not care in the way you want and need him to care. He's just ensuring you remain captured so he can keep being the Master over you once you truly grip this reality it will become much easier to let this go.
@TrueTaur57
Tiki33 makes excellent points about why this relationship needs to be over, no more contact of any kind. Your well being is important.
It seemed like you were waivering with your decision with what you posted about having sex with him. I hope not.
I still recommend therapy of some kind to help you move on and eventually have a healthy relationship with someone. It isn't weak to seek therapy. I think that you'll need to build yourself up a bit after what has happened over the last few years.
Tiki33 makes excellent points about why this relationship needs to be over, no more contact of any kind. Your well being is important.
It seemed like you were waivering with your decision with what you posted about having sex with him. I hope not.
I still recommend therapy of some kind to help you move on and eventually have a healthy relationship with someone. It isn't weak to seek therapy. I think that you'll need to build yourself up a bit after what has happened over the last few years.
No I still haven't talked to him again. I was just writing his direct messages. No more him from new year 2016. Let this story end forever and will begin a better and new one 🙂 with a guy who would love me that much that I would never feel to go back to Scorpio 🙂
Cheers.
Cheers.
Yay! Cheers to you too @TrueTaur57! 🙂
I think you're creating problems whete there should be none....either you wanna have sex with him or leave him alone. You sound like youre obsessed with him,very very ugly trait to have. Get over it! Be strong stop whinny over some penis that you can't have,you're being emotionally manipulative that's why you're feeling the affects more,if your intentions and motives were pure thst man would see the good in you and come get you. You're losing and you hate to lose. So you've come on here to get more ammo to launch again at my Scorpio Brother. Go get a life,you're gonna be the cat lady if you don't stop your immature and childish emotional games. Its 2016 just grow up and stop chasing him,ladies never should get their shoes dirty from chasing men....ugh
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You'll get there! It's a big part of the moving on process to be firm and final with him. If he tries to talk you out of it, stay firm, and don't (if it's verbal) allow it to turn into a discussion.
If it was me, I'd do this in written form because it reduces the emotional engagement the other person may attempt if it's verbal. They can still write things that are hard to deal with, intended to induce guilt even, but it's easier to not reply to an e-mail than handle it verbally/in person.
If he really respects you, he won't try to fight you on this. I recommend keeping it short and simple with saying goodbye and telling him why you're doing it.