PRIVACY

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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
e the thread was created for me I will post this here:

Posted by WaterCup
Im not justifying anything, I'm just addressing what took place here. She did check his phone & in doing so she found something...those are the facts that cannot be undone. Sadly.




I didn't say you were justifying anything. I asked if you're suggesting in your response that invading someone's privacy can be excused if she/he finds suspicious behaviour in the process of snooping? Does the end justify the means basically is what I am asking. And again, if she/he doesn't find anything? Would it be okay if we address the act of invading someone's privacy then? Or are we just going to stay stuck on how horrible he is for exchanging pics prior to them getting involved?

Yes, she found things on his phone, she addressed it and he blew up. Probably because he got caught for not being sincere about where they really stand. But here's the thing--that wasn't enough for her to leave him. This only came to a hit and became thread worthy when she brought up another issue, they fought and he iced her out and refused to give her back her stuff, so let's not make this about him being a "cheater"--she wasn't upset enough to end thing because of that.

Posted by WaterCup

I'm very aware that it's not good to snoop on anyone's personal belongings, but personally I wouldn't trust anyone who is too overprotective of his phone especially. I'd be like "what is he hiding?". Trust goes both ways. I think it's natural to be curious/suspicious when a person is being so secretive about such things.
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I would be leery about someone that seems to be hiding something as well, but I would act accordingly--not go through their shit and justify doing so because "I was suspicious". If I can't trust you because I think you're hiding something, I don't f*ck with you too seriously. Period. You're very right, trust goes both ways. If he doesn't trust you, why are you laying down with him/her? Why are you giving your all to someone that is giving you a half a** version of a relationship? All valid points you made--that's not my issue. My only issue is rather than recognizing this and pulling back when a person feels "off" you go through their sh*t?

Yeah, that doesn't fly for me.
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by DMV
I dont trust anyone who cuffs their phone. I.e taking it to the bathroom. Thats a red flag.

but the issue is a breach of privacy. I would b pissed if someone did that 2 me.



Well my response would be don't get serious with someone you don't trust. Why would you be upset?

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this would be what P Angel is getting at, women getting involved knowing full well of the red flags just for the sake of being with someone.
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by DMV
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by DMV
I dont trust anyone who cuffs their phone. I.e taking it to the bathroom. Thats a red flag.

but the issue is a breach of privacy. I would b pissed if someone did that 2 me.



Well my response would be don't get serious with someone you don't trust. Why would you be upset?



this would be what P Angel is getting at, women getting involved knowing full well of the red flags just for the sake of being with someone.
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Exactly. Then they start justifying all sort of off the cuff behaviour with "ah ha---see he was a douche. I'm so glad I found out"----err no, you knew the whole d*mn time, but ignored the signs.

Btw foxy, I saw what you did there . Merc in Scorp, gotta love how they bob and weave out of a question.
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mfwb55
@mfwb55
12 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 96 · Posts: 1422 · Topics: 63
Does that mean its ok for someone to go through my diaries and stalk me withoutit looking like they are?

Fuck you man and get faucked how dare you pretend innocence to this crap.

You are the reason for my demise! Be off with you my dear...

I am talking to the guy and gal who has read my personal and private diaries and proceeded to make out that they havent and say shit like oh "I dont know what you are going on about" and also funnily enough the same shit as you are going on about, like that if you dont 'trust' the person then that automatically gives you the excuse to read someones diary/s that you dont even associate with or are friends with.

That you both are and am going to look through my diaries so that you both can villify me and manipulate and emotionally blackmail me and use that so-called 'information' against me when ever you think it suits you both to try to control me and hurt me and screw and eventually screw me via word.

Which is bullshit because you wont do that, you both are the ones with the issues here I dont know you and I dont want to know you and this crap is making you both out to look like you yourselfs have something to hide so will use an unsuspecting idiot (aka me) to use and hurt and the thing is I have no proof of this and they have so cant say anything that this is happening as such coz if I did then they would say or do something to make me not, make me shut my mouth in order for them to have their 'perceived control' over me which is just that perceived.

I do not accept anyone who ever they may to read my diaries or any written word i write or type or say or do or anything like that and I never have and I never will either.

So if you not trusting someone who went through your phone because you tested them to do that, yes you heard me, you made out that it was ok when it wasnt and tested to see if they would and in bad judgement on your behalf you blame them for what you wanted to have happen so you could have an excuse to fight with them and make it so that if they go from you and leave you, you then can blame them for leaving you.

You no different from anyone else, manipulative and controlling. No heart. Stop playing you games likethis coz you only hurt yourself in the end and to hell wit anything else. So you got her stuff and your blaming her for lookig through your phone.

Also tell her to stop fucking with you or else. Thats pretty much it. Dont let someone like that do that to you. You only
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mfwb55
@mfwb55
12 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 96 · Posts: 1422 · Topics: 63
You only have yourself to blame for this really if you play games like that you end up playing with yourself and its not until you realise this that its like um-ha I have been stupid.

You should have not let her into your phone at all in the first place and I dont know how long you been going out or hooked up together for but sounds like you already sorta felt she was like that and maybe wanted to see if it were true that she was like that to prove you are right yourself.

Now as for her invading your privacy like that, no she should not have done it at all unless it was she who provoked you into making you do that which if this is the case then she had manipulated you into doing what she wanted you to do in order to get what she wanted which is some sort of leverage to be able to use against you which wont stick coz for the people who do know you and understand you they will see her as she really is. Also wise up she is like that and I think you knew this and got surprised in proving yourself right.

It also could be that you both are in on this and have this power trip with each other and use it against unsuspecting idiots aka me and you both are the ones who read my diaries hence why you so defensive about this shit coz you acting for the missus and when missus aint happy (which she never is) then noone else is or should be and thats how you both see it?

(as this just irritates the fuck out of yous) (this reminds me of my siblings really)

And coz I am of general happy disposition usually and work hard to be this way and coz you both and pretty much everybody else in this whole fuckedup world dont want to see anyone else happy, you do this to hurt me.

And I am probably wrong, right?
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capgirl69
@capgirl69
12 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 31 · Posts: 2423 · Topics: 55
I didn't read the other thread, but based on this one:

We have privacy here, but we don't have secrets from each other. I think there's a difference.

As far as the phones go, we both pretty much carry our phones where we go, even sometimes in the bathroom, lol. But I know he's not hiding anything because he also hands his phone right over to me at times, has me look to see who has messaged him, even has me text people back for him, and I do the same thing. We share a computer, we both have at times left our accounts logged on and I speak for myself when I say I just log him off and go on my way.

Sometimes I'll leave him so he can talk On the phone so he can get some privacy too. We live in a small house so sometimes it's like, I'm going to the bathroom, don't come downstairs for awhile. Lol.
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WaterCup
@WaterCup
14 Years10,000+ Posts

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@Phoenix, in my way of thinking, yes it would be excusable...if I was the one doing it to their property...not the other way around 😛 I'm being honest. Plus I don't get why what OP did is called snooping, she wasn't snooping, she just innocently picked up his phone not knowing how he felt about it, nor was she even suspicious with him at that point. To me snooping is going through somebody things with an intent to find "evidence" because you're suspicious. However, that's not how it initially went down in this story. If he felt like it was a "violation" of privacy then tough tit because it was all innocent from her part, she wasn't spying & I'm sure it was never discussed that his phone is off-limits. Some people need to be told because they are not as privacy conscious like yourself for an example.

Btw, I was "stuck" on him being a cheater because you expected her to still feel guilty even after she found out what two-timer he is.

I'm with you on not dating anyone you feel you cannot trust, what would be the point, really? I mean it's not like suspicion is a fun thing to feel.
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WaterCup
@WaterCup
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 712 · Posts: 13125 · Topics: 157
Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen



Oh you guys, but nobody knows that for sure. I believe that she meant him no harm, I really do.

Anyway I'm bored with this story now. Whatever. I'm sure they'll find common ground after this blows over & I'm not wasting any more of my time on this nonsense. Maybe they are even back together by now, OP has been MIA for a while now.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen



Lol

It's saying to your son or daughter who has a hidden diary of their personal thoughts, and saying, "I needed to understand you better because you're so closed off."

erm..NO. I hate that when even parents/family do that. It's invasion of trust/privacy. If you're emo-ing out, so what? it's not meant for anyone else to read but your own self. thats why it's private. If you want an online public journal then that's different. Some people enjoy emo-ing out openly.



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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by WaterCup
@Phoenix, in my way of thinking, yes it would be excusable...if I was the one doing it to their property...not the other way around 😛 I'm being honest.



Lol. I can appreciate that and respect the honesty.
Posted by WaterCup
Plus I don't get why what OP did is called snooping, she wasn't snooping, she just innocently picked up his phone not knowing how he felt about it, nor was she even suspicious with him at that point. To me snooping is going through somebody things with an intent to find "evidence" because you're suspicious. However, that's not how it initially went down in this story. If he felt like it was a "violation" of privacy then tough tit because it was all innocent from her part, she wasn't spying & I'm sure it was never discussed that his phone is off-limits. Some people need to be told because they are not as privacy conscious like yourself for an example.
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Ok, well I guess that where I see it differently. Snooping may be the wrong word for me to use, but for me "violating someone's privacy" is you putting your hands on and looking through anything you do not have explicit permission to look through. With the exception of common law/married people because I would hope you know what they hell the person is doing/texting/saving because you have open communication. I guess I also have an issue with it because, she stated that she knew about Scorpios, "how important this is to them, how important that is to them, etc...." . She also knew the fact that there would be an issue in their communication style and even made a point to address that ahead of time so there wouldn't be any real issues between the two of them. So you're trying to tell me, out of the Scorp knowledge she gathered, she doesn't know respecting one's privacy is important to us? I think it was "conveniently ignored" or dismissed--because what's the big deal right? I'm not making this a sign thing, but this is the third Aqua having this exact same issue with a Scorp and the attitude has always been, "what's the problem, it's not a big deal" so.....
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
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Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Like I stated earlier though, this isn't really about the "cheating" or even about the phone. There is a bigger issue going on and the phone just started this whole thing. She didn't hold the spot that she thought she did and because she thought she did, she believed it was all good to go looking for info he didn't share with her. We don't know if after they had that initial discussion/argument whether or not he deleted the pics or kept them, but she doesn't leave, so I'm thinking it's all good in Aqua-Scorp land.

However days later because she feels insecure because of what she saw on the phone (rightly so), rather then pull back a little, re-evaluate how invested she is and say, "f*ck this dude, he's clearly not all in", she pushes again to have him declare she was holding the spot (e.g. asking him how he feels and if he desires her). Honestly, his reaction to her question reads like he was being forced to come clean about his true intentions with her and rather than be upfront he tried to deflect with a lot of noise rather than say, "no, sorry, you're really not there with me yet." Or, he was still sore about the phone (sometimes Scorps can hold a grudge 😛), who knows.

So they argue....he's iced her out, she wants her stuff returned. She p*ssy foots around the whole thing about getting her stuff for weeks, meanwhile they are FB buddies, why? Because once again she wants to push for that spot and get him to talk to her. He's not having it and is being a d*ck about her stuff, but she still lets it slide because there is still a chance he will talk to her. When it's not moving on her schedule, she tries to push again by bluffing to call the police (her words)--but overplayed her hand and is here wondering if there is still a chance (e.g. OP--who knows about now). Really, it was a big control piss party on both ends. Someone pointed it out on page 2-3 on the thread and she even admitted that she was trying to control the situation and him, so....none of this is really about the phone or his so called cheating. However, she tried to make it about that.
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen



Oh you guys, but nobody knows that for sure. I believe that she meant him no harm, I really do.

Anyway I'm bored with this story now. Whatever. I'm not wasting any more of my time on this nonsense.
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Ditto. I'm stubborn though, so I had to respond to your post 😄.
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen



Lol

It's saying to your son or daughter who has a hidden diary of their personal thoughts, and saying, "I needed to understand you better because you're so closed off."

erm..NO. I hate that when even parents/family do that. It's invasion of trust/privacy. If you're emo-ing out, so what? it's not meant for anyone else to read but your own self. thats why it's private. If you want an online public journal then that's different. Some people enjoy emo-ing out openly.



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my mother taught me the art of snooping and not even being sorry about it. We had no privacy and yes it kept me out of trouble but it also taught me how valuable privacy is.

I do have an online journal.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
13 Years50,000+ Posts

Comments: 4373 · Posts: 50653 · Topics: 564
Posted by DMV
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen


It's saying to your son or daughter who has a hidden diary of their personal thoughts, and saying, "I needed to understand you better because you're so closed off."
erm..NO. I hate that when even parents/family do that. It's invasion of trust/privacy. If you're emo-ing out, so what? it's not meant for anyone else to read but your own self. thats why it's private. If you want an online public journal then that's different. Some people enjoy emo-ing out openly.


my mother taught me the art of snooping and not even being sorry about it. We had no privacy and yes it kept me out of trouble but it also taught me how valuable privacy is.
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I'm sorry to hear about that. Having NO privacy even in a relationship, long term even, just means SMOTHERING. there is no freedom to be a completely be a "free" person/individual. there are even articles on it that explain in much much better detail.

http://www.interestingarticles.com/dating/privacy-why-its-important-in-relationships-3505.html<BR>
"Personal space is another thing that goes along with privacy. You and your partner should both be well aware of your feelings and intentions for each other, so there really should be no need to smother each other. You can each have your own hobbies and interests that you pursue, and while you can do these things together, you can do them apart as well.

When talking about privacy, you need to understand that it is completely unrealistic to be with somebody twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It is quite understandable to want to be with somebody all the time because you love him or her, but there are limits on exactly how much time —all the time?? entails. When you have come to the realization that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, it really is a truly amazing feeling. The desire to spend the rest of your life with somebody is something so special, and sometimes, because it is such an intense feeling of love, people tend to try and put themselves in every part of their lover??s life."
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
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Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by DMV
She called it snooping because subconsciously she knew what she was doing. Birthday party was a lameo smoke screen



Lol

It's saying to your son or daughter who has a hidden diary of their personal thoughts, and saying, "I needed to understand you better because you're so closed off."

erm..NO. I hate that when even parents/family do that. It's invasion of trust/privacy. If you're emo-ing out, so what? it's not meant for anyone else to read but your own self. thats why it's private.

click to expand




Exactly.

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bloodflood
@bloodflood
11 Years500+ Posts

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i think for me... it's not so much privacy as it is, in a sense, increasing introversion/inclusion as i get older. still, privacy and introversion i think are inherent in each other.. a symbiotic relationship. i wouldn't say i'm private to my close friends/family.. in fact i tell them more than they want to hear sometimes and i definitely have no qualms with them in my physical space, using my things. what's mine is theirs, basically. however, i have grown a lot more introverted over the years, which from an outside perspective, would be deemed private... but my friends know when i go into hibernation mode and know to get the details in my life when i come out.

does anyone have a love/hate relationship with their scorpio ascendant?