@livictori
12 Years500+ Posts
Scared shitless and optimistic
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?
Posted by notsosure
What made you - from just reading this post - suddenly change your mind about having kids? And was this something you and him talked about?
I was 14 and he was 17.
We didn't have children until 24 & 27. It was not overnight. We literally avoided it for 9 years by taking precautions. When I actually got pregnant, I didn't want to terminate. Now the second one, I can claim 100% responsibility for
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?
I don't what this means
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?I don't what this means
click to expand
it means ....too long didn't read ...he wants a shorten version ...
whats your sign op? sun and moon if you don't mind ...you seem kind of like a gemini sun with a pisces moon ? just a guess
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?I don't what this means
click to expand
The "too long didn't read" / short version of your post.
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?I don't what this means
it means ....too long didn't read ...he wants a shorten version ...
whats your sign op? sun and moon if you don't mind ...you seem kind of like a gemini sun with a pisces moon ? just a guess
click to expand
Me😛isces Sun, leo moon, Libra rising
Him: Scorpio Sun, Sag moon rising unknown
If he is initiating interest in getting back together, how should I approach this if 10 years has past but the friendship isn't broken
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?I don't what this means
it means ....too long didn't read ...he wants a shorten version ...
whats your sign op? sun and moon if you don't mind ...you seem kind of like a gemini sun with a pisces moon ? just a guess
Me😛isces Sun, leo moon, Libra rising
Him: Scorpio Sun, Sag moon rising unknown
If he is initiating interest in getting back together, how should I approach this if 10 years has past but the friendship isn't broken
click to expand
oh wow! ....pisces/scorpio connection and your moons are even compatible leo moon/sag moon ....you guys were lowkey made for each other 😄 ....I believe that this would be a natural connection ....don't be scared just be your self
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?I don't what this means
it means ....too long didn't read ...he wants a shorten version ...
whats your sign op? sun and moon if you don't mind ...you seem kind of like a gemini sun with a pisces moon ? just a guess
Me😛isces Sun, leo moon, Libra rising
Him: Scorpio Sun, Sag moon rising unknown
If he is initiating interest in getting back together, how should I approach this if 10 years has past but the friendship isn't broken
oh wow! ....pisces/scorpio connection and your moons are even compatible leo moon/sag moon ....you guys were lowkey made for each other 😄 ....I believe that this would be a natural connection ....don't be scared just be your self
click to expand
He commented this week about us growing old together and taking care of each other. With him everything is different that anyone else.
Ive noticed that couples break up and get back together years later. Sometimes ppl need time apart to grow.
Maybe have an open mind but be clear about what you want.
Go for it .. I would be nervous in your shoes as well..take it day by day.. You guys are emotionally invested in each other.. It's great that you're friends & taking things slow. Best of luck !
I understand why you are nervous. It's not just your heart at stake, you have two children in the mix as well.
Sometimes it takes time and distance to truly appreciate each other. Take it slow. Start by dating, don't jump in head first and follow your heart. You deserve to be happy and in love.
Posted by notsosure
What made you - from just reading this post - suddenly change your mind about having kids? And was this something you and him talked about?I was 14 and he was 17.
We didn't have children until 24 & 27. It was not overnight. We literally avoided it for 9 years by taking precautions. When I actually got pregnant, I didn't want to terminate. Now the second one, I can claim 100% responsibility for
click to expand
What do you have to lose?
It's seems like you've matured both of you and you are getting back together!
It's sounds exciting! Good luck
Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where's the TL;DR version of this post?
You need to learn how to read or learn how to shut up!!! Ass!
My fantasy crashed and burned.
The cornerstone of our relationship is honesty and he admitted to sleeping with someone for his birthday.
I told him I was disappointed and grateful he told me the truth. At the same time, I don't want to continue pursuing a relationship. We will always be friends. And I am still going to visit so he and his family can spend time together. He didn't think he was unfaithful and my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance.
I agreed with the date because he really wants to talk about it in person. But in my mind and heart; I can't look at him the same. We spent 10 years as friends and there's no need to be romantic without a point
Posted by livictori
My fantasy crashed and burned.The cornerstone of our relationship is honesty and he admitted to sleeping with someone for his birthday.
I told him I was disappointed and grateful he told me the truth. At the same time, I don't want to continue pursuing a relationship. We will always be friends. And I am still going to visit so he and his family can spend time together. He didn't think he was unfaithful and my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance.
I agreed with the date because he really wants to talk about it in person. But in my mind and heart; I can't look at him the same. We spent 10 years as friends and there's no need to be romantic without a point
That's defensive mode right there.
Stop being so selfish. You've been together one way or another with this guy, you've been his friend, you've fucked him, you've even given birth to his two kids, the second one you didn't give a shit whether he wanted another or not, you just went right ahead and did whatever you wanted as you were obviously more important than him. Perhaps you should have waited until you had grown up before trying to play parent. It may have worked out better.
You were entertaining the idea of getting back with him or re-building something with him, a family unit etc except your fears are so huge you can't see past them.
It's ok a snow he's given you ammunition to use against him to suit you. He fucked someone else so for you, that's it. Everything is a write off. He's outta here.
Except... You didn't want him. He was free to do what he wanted. It sounds like this guy has gone along with whatever you wanted all your life to keep you happy. You took his kids 700 miles away and then you wonder why he has zero connection with them. He's paid for them and you had no issue taking his money but as soon as he exerts some freedom you don't like it.
Grow up and get over it. Stop whinging. Talk to him. You had no problem fucking him and giving birth to his kids but an honest and open conversation— You couldn't possibly.
Put yourself to one side and talk to him.
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/relationships/how-do-you-know-when-you-love-someone--7313736/?checkpg=1
Jeane posted this earlier. Good article. Might help you OP.
Posted by livictori
My fantasy crashed and burned.The cornerstone of our relationship is honesty and he admitted to sleeping with someone for his birthday.
I told him I was disappointed and grateful he told me the truth. At the same time, I don't want to continue pursuing a relationship. We will always be friends. And I am still going to visit so he and his family can spend time together. He didn't think he was unfaithful and my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance.
I agreed with the date because he really wants to talk about it in person. But in my mind and heart; I can't look at him the same. We spent 10 years as friends and there's no need to be romantic without a point
That's defensive mode right there.
Stop being so selfish. You've been together one way or another with this guy, you've been his friend, you've fucked him, you've even given birth to his two kids, the second one you didn't give a shit whether he wanted another or not, you just went right ahead and did whatever you wanted as you were obviously more important than him. Perhaps you should have waited until you had grown up before trying to play parent. It may have worked out better.
You were entertaining the idea of getting back with him or re-building something with him, a family unit etc except your fears are so huge you can't see past them.
It's ok a snow he's given you ammunition to use against him to suit you. He fucked someone else so for you, that's it. Everything is a write off. He's outta here.
Except... You didn't want him. He was free to do what he wanted. It sounds like this guy has gone along with whatever you wanted all your life to keep you happy. You took his kids 700 miles away and then you wonder why he has zero connection with them. He's paid for them and you had no issue taking his money but as soon as he exerts some freedom you don't like it.
Grow up and get over it. Stop whinging. Talk to him. You had no problem fucking him and giving birth to his kids but an honest and open conversation— You couldn't possibly.
Put yourself to one side and talk to him.
click to expand
10 years is a long time to not be with someone.
In September when we started talking about getting back together, he admitted not trusting my ability to "resist men" and be faithful. He said he wanted me to prove my seriousness and out of fairness, I stopped dating and going out. He was so vocal about how unsure he was of my seriousness, I thought he was being vulnerable. So for him to sleep with someone else meant he knew the value of seriously considering what could happen, but he was the only person who could have those fears.
Even if I am selfish, I need to keep my head on straight. I am not going to look at that as a bad thing. If I can learn anything from my previous behavior it is protect my children from my stupid choices. I will continue to converse and interact with him. I will continue to raise them to the best of my abilities BUT I don't have to confuse a situation that he isn't certain about.
He wants a campaign to prove my interest while he gets to distract himself with vagina is just stupid on my part
agree with agent
"my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance"
did you tell him that? did you tell him that you will kill him if that's how he will deal with your distance once you are back together? at this turning point, what do you have to lose to ask for his promise of 100% dedication and devotion before you drop the love of your life?
you both do not trust each other. no relationship can be blissful when there is lack of trust
Posted by livictori
My fantasy crashed and burned.The cornerstone of our relationship is honesty and he admitted to sleeping with someone for his birthday.
I told him I was disappointed and grateful he told me the truth. At the same time, I don't want to continue pursuing a relationship. We will always be friends. And I am still going to visit so he and his family can spend time together. He didn't think he was unfaithful and my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance.
I agreed with the date because he really wants to talk about it in person. But in my mind and heart; I can't look at him the same. We spent 10 years as friends and there's no need to be romantic without a point
That's defensive mode right there.
Stop being so selfish. You've been together one way or another with this guy, you've been his friend, you've fucked him, you've even given birth to his two kids, the second one you didn't give a shit whether he wanted another or not, you just went right ahead and did whatever you wanted as you were obviously more important than him. Perhaps you should have waited until you had grown up before trying to play parent. It may have worked out better.
You were entertaining the idea of getting back with him or re-building something with him, a family unit etc except your fears are so huge you can't see past them.
It's ok a snow he's given you ammunition to use against him to suit you. He fucked someone else so for you, that's it. Everything is a write off. He's outta here.
Except... You didn't want him. He was free to do what he wanted. It sounds like this guy has gone along with whatever you wanted all your life to keep you happy. You took his kids 700 miles away and then you wonder why he has zero connection with them. He's paid for them and you had no issue taking his money but as soon as he exerts some freedom you don't like it.
Grow up and get over it. Stop whinging. Talk to him. You had no problem fucking him and giving birth to his kids but an honest and open conversation— You couldn't possibly.
Put yourself to one side and talk to him.
10 years is a long time to not be with someone.
In September when we started talking about getting back together, he admitted not trusting my ability to "resist men" and be faithful. He said he wanted me to prove my seriousness and out of fairness, I stopped dating and going out. He was so vocal about how unsure he was of my seriousness, I thought he was being vulnerable. So for him to sleep with someone else meant he knew the value of seriously considering what could happen, but he was the only person who could have those fears.
Even if I am selfish, I need to keep my head on straight. I am not going to look at that as a bad thing. If I can learn anything from my previous behavior it is protect my children from my stupid choices. I will continue to converse and interact with him. I will continue to raise them to the best of my abilities BUT I don't have to confuse a situation that he isn't certain about.
He wants a campaign to prove my interest while he gets to distract himself with vagina is just stupid on my part
click to expand
Meh! He wanted cake AND ice cream. Do you find him manipulative at all?
the question is do you trust yourself? because if you do, what's so hard to tell the love your life that you love him more than anything and you will hurt yourself first before hurting him?
Posted by MIIeFisk
Leo moons have extremely high expectations for their partner. Pair that with an idealistic sun and this..."he could sleep with someone without emotional connection"
would be enough shatter their ideals.
It's the same issue with that other Scorpio you were seeing awhile ago, when you were ill and felt that he neglected you. And you flipped on him.
What is it you really want from men?
My expectations are screwed because I go between wanting everything and being petrified of losing it. I know how much I have the capacity to give and I fear never having that returned
Posted by livictori
My fantasy crashed and burned.The cornerstone of our relationship is honesty and he admitted to sleeping with someone for his birthday.
I told him I was disappointed and grateful he told me the truth. At the same time, I don't want to continue pursuing a relationship. We will always be friends. And I am still going to visit so he and his family can spend time together. He didn't think he was unfaithful and my issue is not that but he could sleep with someone without emotional connection. I think that is a factor on how he would deal with out distance.
I agreed with the date because he really wants to talk about it in person. But in my mind and heart; I can't look at him the same. We spent 10 years as friends and there's no need to be romantic without a point
That's defensive mode right there.
Stop being so selfish. You've been together one way or another with this guy, you've been his friend, you've fucked him, you've even given birth to his two kids, the second one you didn't give a shit whether he wanted another or not, you just went right ahead and did whatever you wanted as you were obviously more important than him. Perhaps you should have waited until you had grown up before trying to play parent. It may have worked out better.
You were entertaining the idea of getting back with him or re-building something with him, a family unit etc except your fears are so huge you can't see past them.
It's ok a snow he's given you ammunition to use against him to suit you. He fucked someone else so for you, that's it. Everything is a write off. He's outta here.
Except... You didn't want him. He was free to do what he wanted. It sounds like this guy has gone along with whatever you wanted all your life to keep you happy. You took his kids 700 miles away and then you wonder why he has zero connection with them. He's paid for them and you had no issue taking his money but as soon as he exerts some freedom you don't like it.
Grow up and get over it. Stop whinging. Talk to him. You had no problem fucking him and giving birth to his kids but an honest and open conversation— You couldn't possibly.
Put yourself to one side and talk to him.
10 years is a long time to not be with someone.
In September when we started talking about getting back together, he admitted not trusting my ability to "resist men" and be faithful. He said he wanted me to prove my seriousness and out of fairness, I stopped dating and going out. He was so vocal about how unsure he was of my seriousness, I thought he was being vulnerable. So for him to sleep with someone else meant he knew the value of seriously considering what could happen, but he was the only person who could have those fears.
Even if I am selfish, I need to keep my head on straight. I am not going to look at that as a bad thing. If I can learn anything from my previous behavior it is protect my children from my stupid choices. I will continue to converse and interact with him. I will continue to raise them to the best of my abilities BUT I don't have to confuse a situation that he isn't certain about.
He wants a campaign to prove my interest while he gets to distract himself with vagina is just stupid on my part
Meh! He wanted cake AND ice cream. Do you find him manipulative at all?
click to expand
I don't know who he has become. At first I made the concession because of history. To be honest, I am still going to hold off on dating and going out. My issue is the compass I thought he had, I don't see any more.
Posted by iCloud9
the question is do you trust yourself? because if you do, what's so hard to tell the love your life that you love him more than anything and you will hurt yourself first before hurting him?
We talked for four hours when he told me. At first I was silent then I was honest.
He thinks he had his right, I don't like he exercised it. There's nothing more to hash out. I love him, more than I might ever love another man. He knows that. We still talk every day, we just don't talk about us in that way anymore. He thinks I'm going to change my mind. I don't see me doing that
he was vehemently against it but it didn't matter to me.
That pretty much sums it up.
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So, while I am going to be 40 in March, I've spent most my life in love with one man; a Scorpio.
We were together from the time I was 14-28. Our biggest issue was having children. We were both abused/neglected as kids and promised to never have children. Our relationship was based on pure love and innocence. We clung to each other and supported each other. I paid for one of his semesters in college he bought my first car.We essentially grew into adulthood, him protecting me, me nurturing him. We were an old married couple as teenagers. There were people during breaks where we tried to be just friends but none of this attempts could last more than 6 months.
When I got pregnant at 25 & 28, I had our daughters. We tried to be a family but he was awkward and insecure in his skills as a father. I didn't know how to really parent either so I was learning too. When I wanted our second child he was vehemently against it but it didn't matter to me. He was ambivalent in his behavior towards her but my clock was ticking and I didn't want to have children after 30. The girls are 4 years apart. At the time, I was so selfish and narcissistic. I never considered the full magnitude of parenting alone. After the death of my father (my only real parent), I went into a death spiral of depression and isolation. I moved 700 miles away and didn't talk to him for about a year. His involvement with the girls was minimal due to distance. He calls and tries to talk to them but it is awkward because they don’t have rapport. With me on the other hand, after our year of not speaking we slowly eased into a friendship. He has always paid support or complete a request on their behalf. He bought our oldest a promise ring when she got her monthly and tried to have a talk about boys. He has come to visit but emotionally connecting with them is strained.
In the beginning our conversations were about the girls. Their progress in school, their achievements outside of school, traits they have from each of us. We have talked about our separate dating lives. And began to protect and nurture each other again as friends. Over the summer, he hit on me. I was genuinely caught off guard. I actually said “you’re not supposed to talk to me like that”. Slowly but surely, he and I started talking about our relationship. In our 10 years, apart, we never got married to other people and we never had other children. He invited us to come for the holidays.
I initially joked about us getting back together BUT no one has stopped the joke and it is getting more serious. He has said and admitting to things that were at the foundation of our issues. Like him being stubborn and not valuing me the way he should. He is planning dates with the girls and for myself. Now he’s “excited about the possibilities” and I’m terrified.
I didn’t realize how I felt about him. I think I just pushed those feelings to the side and hope to never look at them again. I have passively said to friends I never want to love like that again but I always thought it was because it was so painful to lose. Now I am terrified to be with him. If this fails, If I hurt everyone all over again, it will be the worst thing to do to my daughters. I have spent years in therapy. I have made big sacrifices to raise them a certain way and they are succeeding. They are both mentally, physically and emotionally stable.
He and I plan on having a "talk" but in all honesty, I'm not sure where my heart/head is. I would love nothing more than to be a family and marry this man. But I am scared of his intentions/level of interest, does he want revenge, am I just building this up in my mind and it will all be one sided.