Did he always hate me?

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berrywiddle
@berrywiddle
9 YearsAquarius

Comments: 4 ยท Posts: 87 ยท Topics: 7
Sorry this is so long.

I'm an aquarius (28) and he's a taurus (34). I'm honestly not so much into the astrology aspect of things because he and I got along so well and connected on such a deep level, but I'm wondering did he always secretly hate me? We dated for 2 years and just got back from a trip with his family to Santa Cruz and it was really fun! He got news from work that his hours had been cut in half and that he might not have work again until July. Since he was stressed, I went over to help ease his stresses, taking care of his garden, giving massages, basically anything I can do to be supportive.

We got into a petty argument because he didn't want to share his food with me, saying he didn't have enough because he doesn't have much money, etc. I got upset and said that if he was struggling I would gladly help him, but things escalated and he was offended and asked me to leave. I got really upset so I told him if I leave, I won't come back, and he got even more mad and called me a B. When he called me a B, I was so upset, I threw headphones he gave to me at him and it hit him in the arm. He got even more upset he started saying more things. When I left, he slammed the door and as I drove off he sent me a really hurtful text saying:

I regret meeting you, regret going on trips with you, regret introducing you to my family and friends, I regret everything, your existence angers me, F You forever, don't ever talk to me. etc.

It's been 6 days and I want to apologize so bad because I feel so guilty for throwing headphones at him. I shouldn't have done that. But I'm also hurt that he said all those things he said. Did he always hate me so much? and if he did, why did he stick around so long? was he waiting for a moment like this to come, so he can finally tell me the truth of how he felt? I am just so hurt and I don't even know how to move on, or where to start.
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 ยท Posts: 8048 ยท Topics: 36
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.

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berrywiddle
@berrywiddle
9 YearsAquarius

Comments: 4 ยท Posts: 87 ยท Topics: 7
Posted by jeane
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.




wow thank you so much for this! I also posted in the aqua forum and I got completely different results. I considered writing him a letter, but i haven't. and i didn't think of it from this perspective! he really did lose it when I said i'd buy him food. it makes sense what you said. and it sounds like an awesome closure letter ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you jeane! i don't think i can forgive someone who can call me the B word and C word, but I do still deeply love this man. and i definitely think he can do whatever he puts his mind to ๐Ÿ™‚
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 ยท Posts: 8048 ยท Topics: 36
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.




wow thank you so much for this! I also posted in the aqua forum and I got completely different results. I considered writing him a letter, but i haven't. and i didn't think of it from this perspective! he really did lose it when I said i'd buy him food. it makes sense what you said. and it sounds like an awesome closure letter ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you jeane! i don't think i can forgive someone who can call me the B word and C word, but I do still deeply love this man. and i definitely think he can do whatever he puts his mind to ๐Ÿ™‚

click to expand


If you don't think you can forgive him, well that's a judgement you have to make.

Me personally, yeah I'd forgive him. He didn't know how to communicate with you. His resentment and frustration, his own hurt of whatever standards he holds himself to, poured out in name calling. It's not an excuse and certainly not something I would condone but would I leave my partner who I love over it? Probably not.

I would say that those words really hurt you. They were unacceptable and he crossed a line. People need to be shown boundaries. This is where he crossed yours. He need to communicate with him that that shit don't fly and then give him a chance to do better next time.
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berrywiddle
@berrywiddle
9 YearsAquarius

Comments: 4 ยท Posts: 87 ยท Topics: 7
Posted by jeane
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.




wow thank you so much for this! I also posted in the aqua forum and I got completely different results. I considered writing him a letter, but i haven't. and i didn't think of it from this perspective! he really did lose it when I said i'd buy him food. it makes sense what you said. and it sounds like an awesome closure letter ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you jeane! i don't think i can forgive someone who can call me the B word and C word, but I do still deeply love this man. and i definitely think he can do whatever he puts his mind to ๐Ÿ™‚



If you don't think you can forgive him, well that's a judgement you have to make.

Me personally, yeah I'd forgive him. He didn't know how to communicate with you. His resentment and frustration, his own hurt of whatever standards he holds himself to, poured out in name calling. It's not an excuse and certainly not something I would condone but would I leave my partner who I love over it? Probably not.

I would say that those words really hurt you. They were unacceptable and he crossed a line. People need to be shown boundaries. This is where he crossed yours. He need to communicate with him that that shit don't fly and then give him a chance to do better next time.

click to expand

I don't think he can forgive that I threw headphones at him either. I shortened the text, he also said that I was the worst person he's ever dated because none of his exes have ever thrown things at him :/
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 ยท Posts: 8048 ยท Topics: 36
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.




wow thank you so much for this! I also posted in the aqua forum and I got completely different results. I considered writing him a letter, but i haven't. and i didn't think of it from this perspective! he really did lose it when I said i'd buy him food. it makes sense what you said. and it sounds like an awesome closure letter ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you jeane! i don't think i can forgive someone who can call me the B word and C word, but I do still deeply love this man. and i definitely think he can do whatever he puts his mind to ๐Ÿ™‚



If you don't think you can forgive him, well that's a judgement you have to make.

Me personally, yeah I'd forgive him. He didn't know how to communicate with you. His resentment and frustration, his own hurt of whatever standards he holds himself to, poured out in name calling. It's not an excuse and certainly not something I would condone but would I leave my partner who I love over it? Probably not.

I would say that those words really hurt you. They were unacceptable and he crossed a line. People need to be shown boundaries. This is where he crossed yours. He need to communicate with him that that shit don't fly and then give him a chance to do better next time.


I don't think he can forgive that I threw headphones at him either. I shortened the text, he also said that I was the worst person he's ever dated because none of his exes have ever thrown things at him :/

click to expand


Sorry. Sounds like someone needs to give him a good talking. He's being childish and not looking at his own part in this.

You can only do your best. If he is content to pout in the corner there is little you can do.
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Gemitati
@Gemitati
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 2057 ยท Posts: 38091 ยท Topics: 1026
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
Posted by berrywiddle
Posted by jeane
You're not arguing over the headphones.

There is a bigger issue here which you're not seeing.

To me it sounds like you've made classic error that many women make. It's understandable and you mean well but men hate it.

Stop doing things for him. Stop tending to his garden, stop offering to pay for his food, stop trying to get him out of this hole he is in. Support in the form of encouraging words is great but when you start to do things for them over and above, their ego takes a massive hit. They begin to feel like you think they can't do it. Of course, you're not thinking that at all. All you want to do is to make his life easier, to show them how much you love him.

He is not feeling that way, so when you said you would help him financially it was the breaking point.

Men in general, and definitely Taurus men from what I have seen, heard and read, want to be the protector, provider. You've turned the tables on him. Not only has he lost his job but he feels that he has lost that part of his identity as well.

He doesn't hate you. He hates you being his mother. Apologise to him not about the headphones but about how he has lost his job, the stress he has been under. Encourage him with positive words and tell him you know he is going to come through. Don't offer solutions. Tell him you know he can do whatever he sets his mind to and that you will be there with him whatever he decides is the best course of action. then back the fuck off.




wow thank you so much for this! I also posted in the aqua forum and I got completely different results. I considered writing him a letter, but i haven't. and i didn't think of it from this perspective! he really did lose it when I said i'd buy him food. it makes sense what you said. and it sounds like an awesome closure letter ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you jeane! i don't think i can forgive someone who can call me the B word and C word, but I do still deeply love this man. and i definitely think he can do whatever he puts his mind to ๐Ÿ™‚



If you don't think you can forgive him, well that's a judgement you have to make.

Me personally, yeah I'd forgive him. He didn't know how to communicate with you. His resentment and frustration, his own hurt of whatever standards he holds himself to, poured out in name calling. It's not an excuse and certainly not something I would condone but would I leave my partner who I love over it? Probably not.

I would say that those words really hurt you. They were unacceptable and he crossed a line. People need to be shown boundaries. This is where he crossed yours. He need to communicate with him that that shit don't fly and then give him a chance to do better next time.


I don't think he can forgive that I threw headphones at him either. I shortened the text, he also said that I was the worst person he's ever dated because none of his exes have ever thrown things at him :/

click to expand

My question is - if he loses his job - does it mean his life is over?

So he has no saving at all?

If he is all about being provider and all that MAN - how is he about to do that if he has such a shitty personality and ill temper?

He had also showed him as a man who isn't smart - that's a big red flag!

Young healthy man with some time to lose and FIND a job acting like an ass toward a woman he had been with him for so long and talking about 'exes' - think dear.

And it's not like you threw a brick in his head! Maybe he needed THAT!

Good luck and all...
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tcta
@tcta
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 3706 ยท Posts: 7112 ยท Topics: 18
I agree with @Jeane and I will add to that.

It is huge when a Taurus has a blow such as a job loss - worlds collide and crumble "or so it seems because we do take pride in maintaining our status quo" - but we will regroup and pull ourselves together and figure out how to get back on top. And we do. There is no other way to be for us.

It is very difficult for anyone to console and/or to be around them and watch this happen because no one understands it enough and honestly I don't want anyone around me. I have to do it myself. It's how we roll. The anger and harsh words are unwarranted. I know myself well enough to understand what and why I am feeling what I am feeling and therefore there is no need to lash out. He is an immature bull or he has just never been in this position. I hope he understands and learns a lesson.

He saw "red" and she provoked as well and things went sour. For them to stay sour proves the immaturity. He doesn't understand and know himself enough. That is why he lashed out. Forgive him? Up to you how you play this one out but learn something about both him and yourself.



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taurusgirl9000
@taurusgirl9000
8 Years

Comments: 0 ยท Posts: 497 ยท Topics: 57
For Taurus people, we want security. This comes with money, and yes resources like food. It sounds stupid, but if I feel like I don't have enough food in my house, and if I'm having money issues, I do get really agitated about it. So he was already under a lot of stress.

When you got upset about the food, it seemed stupid to you, but to him your reaction, it flipped a switch because you were symbolically taking something that represented a shred of security to him. You didn't understand what it meant.

Leave him alone for awhile. Let him recover. As a Taurus, I don't want people helping me when things like this happen. It's hard for me to accept help in general. It makes me feel better when I can fix things by myself, it rebuilds my strength as a person.
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berrywiddle
@berrywiddle
9 YearsAquarius

Comments: 4 ยท Posts: 87 ยท Topics: 7
Hey everyone, I've been posting Aqua too, just to get maximum responses...

He sent me a message today. It said:

"I have your work license and ID card, I can drop it off if you want. I know you probably don't want to hear from me considering what happened the other night, I'm sorry I feel really bad about it. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. You meant a lot to me. I'm proud of you graduating this year and becoming a nurse. Congratulations."

I really don't know what to say. Look at me. I'm so broken and torn because I feel guilty for getting mad and throwing headphones, but I'm upset from what he said. Those words hurt me.
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VCastrillon
@VCastrillon
8 Years

Comments: 1 ยท Posts: 179 ยท Topics: 0
Posted by taurusgirl9000
For Taurus people, we want security. This comes with money, and yes resources like food. It sounds stupid, but if I feel like I don't have enough food in my house, and if I'm having money issues, I do get really agitated about it. So he was already under a lot of stress.

When you got upset about the food, it seemed stupid to you, but to him your reaction, it flipped a switch because you were symbolically taking something that represented a shred of security to him. You didn't understand what it meant.

Leave him alone for awhile. Let him recover. As a Taurus, I don't want people helping me when things like this happen. It's hard for me to accept help in general. It makes me feel better when I can fix things by myself, it rebuilds my strength as a person.
Reading this comment is like reading a page from my mental journal, especially this: "It makes me feel better when I can fix things by myself, it rebuilds my strength as a person." Rebuilding my life is the only way I know how to repair my self-esteem.
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VCastrillon
@VCastrillon
8 Years

Comments: 1 ยท Posts: 179 ยท Topics: 0
Posted by berrywiddle
Hey everyone, I've been posting Aqua too, just to get maximum responses...

He sent me a message today. It said:

"I have your work license and ID card, I can drop it off if you want. I know you probably don't want to hear from me considering what happened the other night, I'm sorry I feel really bad about it. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. You meant a lot to me. I'm proud of you graduating this year and becoming a nurse. Congratulations."

I really don't know what to say. Look at me. I'm so broken and torn because I feel guilty for getting mad and throwing headphones, but I'm upset from what he said. Those words hurt me.
I understand that you're in a lot of pain, but *please* rethink putting his text messages to you on a public forum. For both of you: to protect his privacy and so that you won't have something to regret later, which might make you feel even worse than you do now. And people can still advise you without it.
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EvatheDiva Piscean
@EvatheDiva
10 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 740 ยท Posts: 4439 ยท Topics: 16
Posted by berrywiddle
Sorry this is so long.

I'm an aquarius (28) and he's a taurus (34). I'm honestly not so much into the astrology aspect of things because he and I got along so well and connected on such a deep level, but I'm wondering did he always secretly hate me? We dated for 2 years and just got back from a trip with his family to Santa Cruz and it was really fun! He got news from work that his hours had been cut in half and that he might not have work again until July. Since he was stressed, I went over to help ease his stresses, taking care of his garden, giving massages, basically anything I can do to be supportive.

We got into a petty argument because he didn't want to share his food with me, saying he didn't have enough because he doesn't have much money, etc. I got upset and said that if he was struggling I would gladly help him, but things escalated and he was offended and asked me to leave. I got really upset so I told him if I leave, I won't come back, and he got even more mad and called me a B. When he called me a B, I was so upset, I threw headphones he gave to me at him and it hit him in the arm. He got even more upset he started saying more things. When I left, he slammed the door and as I drove off he sent me a really hurtful text saying:

I regret meeting you, regret going on trips with you, regret introducing you to my family and friends, I regret everything, your existence angers me, F You forever, don't ever talk to me. etc.

It's been 6 days and I want to apologize so bad because I feel so guilty for throwing headphones at him. I shouldn't have done that. But I'm also hurt that he said all those things he said. Did he always hate me so much? and if he did, why did he stick around so long? was he waiting for a moment like this to come, so he can finally tell me the truth of how he felt? I am just so hurt and I don't even know how to move on, or where to start.
I AM into zodiac signs. I've read up on Taurus men and learned that Taurus men DO NOT want help from a woman. I ENCOURAGE my Taurus man when we talked last night and he honestly told me he's not computer literate and I told him I'd help him when he got home (he's in CA as we speak). AND I eventually told him, "Oh, Hon, you're smart, you can figure it out on your own"...THAT'S my way of assuring my man he doesn't need my help. When your Taurus man didn't want to share his meal, he told you verbally what his heart/mind was telling him (you're broke, you have no job, etc.) and he snapped at you. It's the could-a, should-a, would-a and it's too late. I'm Piscean. I sympathize and empathize. Taurus men, when angry, blow their anger outta their nostrils (ever seen cartoons or pics of Taurus like this?). He's mad. He told you off. Time will only tell.

Keep up posted. Good luck.

๐Ÿค— cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 11076 ยท Posts: 35718 ยท Topics: 110
Posted by berrywiddle
Hey everyone, I've been posting Aqua too, just to get maximum responses...

He sent me a message today. It said:

"I have your work license and ID card, I can drop it off if you want. I know you probably don't want to hear from me considering what happened the other night, I'm sorry I feel really bad about it. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. You meant a lot to me. I'm proud of you graduating this year and becoming a nurse. Congratulations."

I really don't know what to say. Look at me. I'm so broken and torn because I feel guilty for getting mad and throwing headphones, but I'm upset from what he said. Those words hurt me.
Meant. Past tense. โ˜น๏ธ