Being a Virgo's Girl... (Page 2)

"blocking and supressing my emotions and rationalizing my way through things"

It seems to me, from listening to women . . we all do this for men. It's one of the comprimises we take upon ourselves . . Virgo's are just the worse of the bunch. But, really, isn't it all men?

We do this because we love them . . but, for how long? The day comes when a woman realizes that she deserves to have what she needs too.

"don't you think there's a way to adapt to your partner without compromising every part of yourself?"

It's not so easy, it's more than this . . life gets busy, you have a home (which I take full care of), children take the majority of time, I didn't work (except off and on before we become financially stable) so I ended up caring for my mother, step-father, his mother during their last years, all husbands needs . . all these things take 150% of your time and you only have 100% to give . . he had to work nearly every hour of each day (barely slept) to support everything and everybody . . was it wrong to let our union suffer the consequences, probably.

There isn't enough time . . something gets shifted to the back burner. When there's tons of responsibilities and everybody and everything is looking at you to get it done . . something gets neglected. People my age, after this amount of time in a marriage have this same situation . . this isn't original . . you love each other, but, children and ailing parents come first . . it sucks for a marriage, but, it happens.

Counseling?

There's another issue here . . he doesn't see where there is a problem. Afterall, I handled this juggling act for two decades . . son is gone, parents have passed, home not as messy since most people are gone . . why is this problem? He thinks, like should be easier . . he makes a lot more money with less responsibilities.

He's not recognizing that something is wrong . .

"12 yrs old? I'm guessing this was in a different country."

Ooops, I should have clarified that . . I was 12 when he took my virginity . . married several years later. But, at this young of an age . . I gave myself to him, took care of him and his needs . .

Really, I don't know what I can do to take care of more of his needs. I do everything for him - EVERYTHING - he works, makes money, that is his job.

Men don't realize how hard it is to be a woman and a wife. When your child gets sick, you can't say, "I'm off the clock", you know what I mean? There were times, at one point where I had my mother living with me, dying, son at home with live-in girlfriend, there was no time . . when husband came home, I had to give him time . . once everybody was asleep . . I'm up all night, doing laundry, cooking for the next day . . it never ends.

Now, I have more time to give him . . he sleeps. He's asleep within 30 minutes after eating supper . . he's asleep now.

I have time, lord knows I spend way too much in here, lol . . I can go do things. Now, he makes tons of money, everybody is gone, so, I'm home alone all day.

I like photography and spend time doing that, I write short fiction and poetry, I read anything that isn't nailed down . . I do things . . but, it's not with him. It's not the same doing stuff by yourself.

I'll get back from a shoot, all excited about the venture, wanting to share with him my joy . . he's asleep . . I can't wake him up, he has to work the next day.

Likely, it's too late . . can it be different? He'd have to recognize this.

Really, the only thing I'm missing is just him desiring for me to feel like a woman. We don't have sex any longer . . haven't for a long time. The last time we did, was months ago that was just "F". The last time he made love to me was close to 4 1/2 years ago . . I'm a healthy adult female with hormones . . I can't do that and still feel alive.

Really, if he had the desire for me to feel like a loved woman in bed again, everything would probably be different . . but, he doesn't, it's gone . . and I can't live with that and be happy no matter how much money he makes. He doesn't get this . . I should be happy, he makes a lot of money . . that should be enough.

Thanks, notso, I appreciate your sensitivity . . but, really, don't let my marriage that's going down the drain sway you in any way towards marriage. It's a beautiful constitution and I would marry again, and again, and again.

Thanks for listening . . you too, Wheels.

However, if the spark in the bedroom is gone . . so is the marriage, no matter how much you love each other . .

Three pages later and we get down to the REAL problem . . sex. Took me a while.

Everything revolves around that in a marriage . . life could be perfect, but, if he ain't feeling you . . it's over.

In March, it will be 5 years, notso . . five friggin years . . truly, I think I've held out longer than anybody. Some award, huh? Pat myself on the back with pride, right?

How pathetic, lol

It's a no wonder I'm so hateful and bitter . . I need to get laid.

No, not March . . it was the spring . . I have it written down . . I don't even want to go look at the date because it might make me puke . . but, it's been ages.

I can't believe I'm sharing this with the world.

Told you I was mad.

Sometimes, when I listen to women in here bitching about their boyfriends and not knowing if he's true or not . . I think to myself . . lady, you have no idea how tough life is . . what if you HAD to cheat to keep your sanity?

Huh? Keep my marriage? I'd HAVE to have an affair . . it's the only way. How crazy is that? How can a woman do that BECAUSE she loves her husband?

It's not the world, just dxp 😉. And you may find that, even in such a relatively small place, other people have experienced what you're going through. Who knows.

Oh, yes . . there is a difference . . I can screw myself . . don't really need his assistance in making it to "O" town . . been doing it for years. He doesn't get me off, he'd had to make love to me to do that, lol

Making love . . that's a whole different thing all together . . without that, you're not "feeling". To tell you the truth, I don't feel much any longer, except lonliness and distraught . . well, and obviously anger.

I vent, lash out, beat people up . . it's all me because I'm not loved by my own husband in the way I need to, to feel alive. I'm dead like this, already.

You know . . I have to say . . I've been here in this community for several years and just the past couple months . . I've finally opened up and starting saying why I'm so upset all the time. Took me a while, I know . . but, it's a huge issue. It's not like some boy didn't return my phone call . .

And, it's because I've finally met people who really care about others. Not everybody does, most people are too concerned with their own little lives to look at other people who are in trouble . . real trouble. And, I really appreciate it . . it's helped more than you guys could even comprehend.

Thanks for listening and caring.

You ARE always right . . why do you get to do that? That's not fair, lol

I'm gonna make it, I know this now . . I knew it last week when I started to get these things out. It all became so distressing when my mother died several years ago. It's not the grieving part . . I know she needed to pass because her illness was miserable for her and she needed relief . . it's because she was my best friend. We talked about everything and helped each other in life.

Since she left me, I stopped talking about stuff that was bothering me because she was the only one I thought I could talk to . . I was wrong. I'm not meaning to sound like I'm not over my mother's death because I've let her go . . I just meant, she was the one who was always there for me when I needed to talk.

Yeah, notso, I think like that, too, when people bitch about little stuff. But, you know what? This talking stuff is having a therapuetic effect on me in reverse, also. Not only is it helping me to cope with my life . . I've also found myself being nicer to other people, even with their minor problems. Still, I get outraged and nasty, but, not nearly as much . . I'm growing in multiple ways.

It used to be, I would spit-fire at EVERYBODY. I still do, sometimes . . but, now, my mind wants to feel compassion first, bitterness second . . and I need to pull on the part of me that's trying to feel for another person because that will set me free with feeling tormented all the time, plus, I might make some friends along the way. 🙂

Well, I better get off here, and get the snoozing "old man" out of his chair and into his bed.

I really appreciate you talking to me and helping me through this. I'll get there, to where everybody is . . sweet . . it's just taking some time because i've held all this in for so long.

Thanks again. I'll talk to you tomarrow, k?

🙂

I didnt' meant to forget you, Wheels . . thanks for listening to me boo-hoo, too.

Have a wonderful evening ladies . . you are both sweethearts.

Goodnight.

"great to know that your realisation and actions are going hand in hand"

archer .. I've always known this . . for it IS the reason I continueally preach to people about their roles they play within a situation . . look to yourself, that is where the answer lies.

However, being a Pisces means I'm extremely impressionable to my environment, I will live what I am exposed to, no matter how aware I am. For this reason, Virgo's are the absolute worse partners for the Fish . . Virgo's are serious, mature, boring, mechanical, emotionally cold . . the Fish lives what they absorb.

Had I been with an Aries or Scorpio, or other positive person all these years . . things would be different within my personality. I'm not sure if people realize that this is within the Piscean nature . . we act and react within the tone that is given us. If we are treated with indifference, we become uncaring. If our partners are fun and silly, we are gay and humorous.

People like Aqua's and Sags, have a certain defiance in regards to their independence and can easily handle life with the Virgo, for they don't absorb what they don't want to be. Pisces can't do that . . we are what you expose us to.

So, anyway . . like I said . . I've always known that my responses are linked to my self-awareness . . I'm just a Pisces . . I soak in and live within my environment.

Thanks for wishing me good luck . . I'm trying to overcome, that's why I'm talking about this stuff . . I need out of my environment and the only way I can do this is by exposing myself to someone other than: Mr. Serious.

The last time? Just before Thanksgiving .. Branh, I've been telling him for years and years and years that I'm not feeling loved as a desireable woman . . sometimes, outright and direct, sometimes, subtle, sometimes, just using other people and their relationships that are simimliar, sometimes in arguements.

What else am I to do? If a person doesn't want to listen, I can't make them.

He's Virgo . . he can't comprehend that intimacy is a NEED for a woman.
He thinks it's a want, he thinks it's being emotionally needy.

I guess I high-jacked this thread, though, hopefully, love4ever will be getting some insight as to the inner workings within the V/P combo.

archer, I do love him. He is this way because he is him . . though, at this time in my life, I need something different . . it doesn't change the fact that he lives his life and treats me the way that is true to his nature . . I can't ask a person for more than that.

"I don't believe you've been saying much of anything"

Which would explain why he doesn't hear me . . no matter how I try to express myself, if he believes that what comes out of my mouth is for the sole purpose of making myself believe that I'm talking, but, saying anything valuable . . then, all my efforts at communication with him have been in vain, no matter how deep it is felt within myself.

It's likely he feels the same as you . . I've been my head against the wall.

In the end, after all these years of doing what I thought was FOR him because I love him . . if he thinks that what I have to say and believe in and feel . . is completely disregarded . . . then my heart for him has meant nothing.

That should be enough to leave him, if for no other reason.

"is intimacy and emotional attachment a top priority for you?"


Absolutely . .

Perhaps, archer, that this wouldn't be AS important if I hadn't been neglected.

It's like, what is absent in our lives, is what we need. If it's present, then how are we missing it?

If he doesn't believe that anything I say is worth listening to . . then how can I have intimacy with him? This is what is missing . . this is what I need now.

Branh, I'm not even going to justify an answer to that . . if you had been listening to what I've posted here . . you would realize your ignorance.

If a person isn't listening . . how can they possibly hear you?

He is untouchable, archer . . I am drawn to him, but, he doesn't even know I exist.

I've thought about whether I have it within my morals to take a lover . . but, I am too aware of my plight . . and I fear that I would erroneously believe that I'm "in love" simply because I'm getting attention from another.

Seriously, I've thought about it . . going out, finding somebody, rock and roll all night, then come home and see how my husband looks to me then.

Maybe if I got drunk enough.

Branh, I have a suggestion for YOU . .

Find yourself, for if you believe that I am unaware of myself . . then it's because you, my friend, are the one who is lost.

That's one reason why I've been contemplating taking a female lover . . IF . . I get the balls to do it . . because, a woman, I won't fall in love with.

She would be safe to me, sexually.

"now dear you amaze me with the last part...why to look for reaction from your husband"

archer, I wasn't talking about a reaction from him, rather, what you said before .. is this needing intimacy a top priority . . how he looks to me, not how i look to him, lol

I'm not going to baited, Branh, into an arguement . . certainly, you can find someone who will fight with you, today . . it will not be me

Kind of reminds me of Deloris Clayborne (I guess that movie made quite an impression on me, since I bring it up a lot, lol) . . when the daughter was fighting for her mother by saying that Deloris's plan was to stick it to the old lady all along, and in so doing, she waited 20 years, lol

Yes, I've been waiting 24 years to stick it to the bastard, lol

The source has been considered and it knows not what it's saying, so, it is disregarded.

Good morning, notso . . or, er, afternoon, lol

"Seriously, I've thought about it . . going out, finding somebody, rock and roll all night, then come home and see how my husband looks to me then.

Maybe if I got drunk enough."

P-Angel is this the same guy you are always talking about is sooo great?

It's a wieghing thing . .

Virgo makes me happy outside of intimacy . .
Lover makes me happy inside of intimacy . .

Which is more important at this stage in my life? Sometimes, it's hard to wiegh priorities when you don't have things to compare it to . . you know what I mean?

But, atlas . . I still have my morals . . this is what has prevented me from taking that step.

Perhaps, I am old-school . . when I married, I took this seriously. I don't believe in being unfaithful . . to me, that is disrespectful . . but, certainly, I've thought about it.

You're so sweet, notso.

But, in reality . . what good would a lover do? It's not necessarily just the action of sex that I need . . it's feeling desired by someone who loves me.

Would a lover provide that? No, so that isn't an option, even if I had it in me to do it. Actually, it would probably have the opposite effect because then I would be feeling even more like just a "piece of meat", you know what I mean?

I feel like I'm in therapy, lol . .

Notso, you should seriously think about doing this for a living . . you're pretty good at it. I'm a hard case and you're slicing right through me.

🙂

"Difference is..she used her "special" technique on me..."

Please . . no details, lol

Might send me over the edge . . already tettering.

why don't you guys go to therapy or something? A lack of intimacy can be an insidious thing that rips a marriage a part down the road...

Actually . . I think I'm in therapy with Dr. Notso, lol

Damn . . busted . . yeah, I had my glasses on, popcorn in hand, waiting for the show.

You Virgo's and your memory . . dont' you ever forget anything?

"A lack of intimacy can be an insidious thing that rips a marriage a part down the road..."

The road is near it's ending . . I'm just working through my feelings about it.

"I just feel honored that you feel comfortable enough to share with me and the others here"

I do feel comfortable . . I didn't think I would, but, I was wrong.

And maybe, other people, though, I know they aren't in my situation, maybe they can pull something from this in their life. Most people on here talk about potential partners, and how to secure love . . whereas, I'm on the other side of the spectrum. What's life like after catching your man, living with him "forever" and working through the way out, instead of in.

"my spaghetti with salmon"

Ewwwww, I put that up there with eggs smothered in chocolate . . nasty.

Enjoy, though 🙂

I do write, quite a lot, actually.
I paint & do paranormal photography.
I have a passion for ballroom dancing.

My husband does none of these things, nor, is he interested. He'll go on a paranormal investigation with me once in a while, but, he is very "sensible". He doesn't see much benefit to living outside of what is considered, "reality". Ghosts are a figment of my imagination, so he thinks I'm silly and only goes because I'm in graveyards in the dead of night and he wants to protect me, lol. I always ask him, from what? If ghosts aren't real, lol

He can't dance, he's the one frantically bouncing around like a mexican-bean, though the music has actually stopped.lol

What I consider my art-form is writing . . that's where I excel. I've been writing since I was a child. My mother used to tell me that before I could even write, I would "act out" scenerio's all the time. She thought I would be an actress, then, I realized that it was just because I didn't know then that I was the creator, rather than the portrayer.

I've tried to get him interested . . but, he hates to read. Despises having to read anything, except a map . . he's just not artistic in any way, I guess . . I don't know. He's very intelligent, most of his knowledge comes from the constant shows he watches on TV . . the learning channels, and history channel. It's amazing what his mind can retain . . the tiniest little detail. Sometimes, I'm just awed by the power of his mind . . he's a "think-tank" and it just blows me away . . how he can do this without reading stuff, I've no clue. Sometthing about his Uranus & Mercury conjucted in the ninth house . . or something like that, lol.

He won't read my work, he's not interested. Furthermore, I think it kind of pisses him off that I spend time in a world of make-believe . . fiction isn't real, a person doesn't belong there, lol

What about you, notso . . are you artistic?

Oh dear, I hope she's ok. Talk to you later.

Is this your own creation?

Wow, impressive . . handy in the kitchen, you are .. do you do the dishes, too?

Health food nut . . now why am I NOT surprised? Oh yeah, you're a Virgo, lol

Are you a chef?