NinaD
@NinaD
6 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 3
Depressed Virgo - should I stick around, or it will be useless?
Stick around & enjoy the uselessness
Posted by NinaD
Met this Virgo through a dating website about a month ago, he's divorced with 2 kids, 42.
First few dates went great, then he became a bit distant and unavailable. It seems he only texts me when he feels he's got time to meet up, and I don't feel much affection from him when we're together, but he does seem attracted to me phisically and interested in our conversations.
He told me his marriage ended after a lot of fights between him and his ex, and after she eventually cheated on him.
Whenever we meet, we always have great talks, he has no problem being open about himself and admit his weaknesses and failures. He's told me he is on antidepressants and that he sometimes has a hard time seeing where his life is going.
Last time we met, I asked him if he is still interested in me, since he has been mostly cold lately. He said he knows he is not available enough, and that, although he does dream of a serious relationship, he does not know if he's capable of that at this point.
I'm always really understanding with him and I am happy he is talking to me and not hiding the truth. But it confuses me that at times he doesn't seem to care about me, and then he goes and says something that completely changes my opinion.
I understand he's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him either (yet). But I do like him, A LOT. I feel we're very similar (he said it too, several times) and that we've both learned from our past mistakes and could be having a mature, beautiful relationship together.
My question is, is it worth waiting for him, being patient and supporting him, or is it a complete waste of time?
I hear Virgo men get attached slowly, so would anyone advise me to keep going with this? I am afraid that he actually doesn't see himself with me, but is not saying it straight forward. With any other man, the signs would have been clear and I would have run away long time ago, but with him, I really don't know what to think.
Virgos, any thoughts?
From dating quite a few Virgo's and even been married to one, I can tell you that if they want you, they move quick! Real quick.
Virgo's are very sexual and thus physical. Especially when being depressed. When depressed, they want a heap load of sex.
Waiting on him to be ready, I dont know... reading your story made me think that he isnt finished with his marriage yet. Something is off....
He's no different to any other man. He's said he's not available. Don't take it personally. He's not available to have a relationship with you or with anyone else. I wouldn't wait for him to come around. It's likely he won't.
Too soon to tell. He is dealing dealing and processing his situation. When your life is up ended like that, it takes time to readjust. Keep things light and develop the friendship/relationship. He sounds like he isn't ready to be on the open market. If your in a hurry probably not the ideal situation for you. I see no reason why you can't go on a few dates while you feel things out more.
A Virgo male without a purpose tends to have depression issues by default lol.
A Virgo male without a purpose tends to have depression issues by default lol.
No.
The man is depressed. That's scary. Do not invest your time and emotion into a man who isn't emotionally stable. It will become an emotional rollercoaster for you as well. He needs to heal.
The man is depressed. That's scary. Do not invest your time and emotion into a man who isn't emotionally stable. It will become an emotional rollercoaster for you as well. He needs to heal.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by PiscesGal76Posted by NinaD
Met this Virgo through a dating website about a month ago, he's divorced with 2 kids, 42.
First few dates went great, then he became a bit distant and unavailable. It seems he only texts me when he feels he's got time to meet up, and I don't feel much affection from him when we're together, but he does seem attracted to me phisically and interested in our conversations.
He told me his marriage ended after a lot of fights between him and his ex, and after she eventually cheated on him.
Whenever we meet, we always have great talks, he has no problem being open about himself and admit his weaknesses and failures. He's told me he is on antidepressants and that he sometimes has a hard time seeing where his life is going.
Last time we met, I asked him if he is still interested in me, since he has been mostly cold lately. He said he knows he is not available enough, and that, although he does dream of a serious relationship, he does not know if he's capable of that at this point.
I'm always really understanding with him and I am happy he is talking to me and not hiding the truth. But it confuses me that at times he doesn't seem to care about me, and then he goes and says something that completely changes my opinion.
I understand he's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him either (yet). But I do like him, A LOT. I feel we're very similar (he said it too, several times) and that we've both learned from our past mistakes and could be having a mature, beautiful relationship together.
My question is, is it worth waiting for him, being patient and supporting him, or is it a complete waste of time?
I hear Virgo men get attached slowly, so would anyone advise me to keep going with this? I am afraid that he actually doesn't see himself with me, but is not saying it straight forward. With any other man, the signs would have been clear and I would have run away long time ago, but with him, I really don't know what to think.
Virgos, any thoughts?
From dating quite a few Virgo's and even been married to one, I can tell you that if they want you, they move quick! Real quick.
Virgo's are very sexual and thus physical. Especially when being depressed. When depressed, they want a heap load of sex.
Waiting on him to be ready, I dont know... reading your story made me think that he isnt finished with his marriage yet. Something is off....
all of them are like this sexual when depressed?click to expand
The ones I have encounted, yes... I attract Virgo men....and all of them had this. I've had a relationship with 3 of them. But I have Virgo friends, coworkers, family members. All like this... I do must admit tho, the sex is good once they have tuned in. Even more so when they are depressed. The sex will be a bit aggressive, not to be confused with abusive tho... but there is more power if you will behind it. They will take the lead at that point.... of all the sexual partners I had, Virgo's were the best...
He isnt ready for a serious relationship. Move on. Dont waist your time.
Posted by PiscesGal76Posted by NinaD
Met this Virgo through a dating website about a month ago, he's divorced with 2 kids, 42.
First few dates went great, then he became a bit distant and unavailable. It seems he only texts me when he feels he's got time to meet up, and I don't feel much affection from him when we're together, but he does seem attracted to me phisically and interested in our conversations.
He told me his marriage ended after a lot of fights between him and his ex, and after she eventually cheated on him.
Whenever we meet, we always have great talks, he has no problem being open about himself and admit his weaknesses and failures. He's told me he is on antidepressants and that he sometimes has a hard time seeing where his life is going.
Last time we met, I asked him if he is still interested in me, since he has been mostly cold lately. He said he knows he is not available enough, and that, although he does dream of a serious relationship, he does not know if he's capable of that at this point.
I'm always really understanding with him and I am happy he is talking to me and not hiding the truth. But it confuses me that at times he doesn't seem to care about me, and then he goes and says something that completely changes my opinion.
I understand he's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him either (yet). But I do like him, A LOT. I feel we're very similar (he said it too, several times) and that we've both learned from our past mistakes and could be having a mature, beautiful relationship together.
My question is, is it worth waiting for him, being patient and supporting him, or is it a complete waste of time?
I hear Virgo men get attached slowly, so would anyone advise me to keep going with this? I am afraid that he actually doesn't see himself with me, but is not saying it straight forward. With any other man, the signs would have been clear and I would have run away long time ago, but with him, I really don't know what to think.
Virgos, any thoughts?
From dating quite a few Virgo's and even been married to one, I can tell you that if they want you, they move quick! Real quick.
Virgo's are very sexual and thus physical. Especially when being depressed. When depressed, they want a heap load of sex.
Waiting on him to be ready, I dont know... reading your story made me think that he isnt finished with his marriage yet. Something is off....click to expand
One of the first things I asked him, was weather his relationship with his ex was over, in his head. He said that it was, definitely. But yes, I have the same feeling, that he's not admitting he's still attached, and it stops him from moving forward.
It seems to me that for him the divorce was a huge failure and he's still mourning/overthinking things.
Would be a lot easier if he didn't act like a boyfriend (taking me out, staying over, driving me to do my shopping, etc.) and would just make it clear it's only phisical. But I think he really doesn't know what he wants, and it's confusing me a lot.
I'm not in a much better place, since I've also got out of a long relationship recently, but at least I'm not still suffering or thinking of my ex. Don't think I'm totally prepared for a serious relationship, but I might be, in time. I'm just concerned in the meanwhile I'll fall for him and get hurt.
Anyway, thanks for the perspective...
Posted by PiscesGal76Posted by NinaD
Met this Virgo through a dating website about a month ago, he's divorced with 2 kids, 42.
First few dates went great, then he became a bit distant and unavailable. It seems he only texts me when he feels he's got time to meet up, and I don't feel much affection from him when we're together, but he does seem attracted to me phisically and interested in our conversations.
He told me his marriage ended after a lot of fights between him and his ex, and after she eventually cheated on him.
Whenever we meet, we always have great talks, he has no problem being open about himself and admit his weaknesses and failures. He's told me he is on antidepressants and that he sometimes has a hard time seeing where his life is going.
Last time we met, I asked him if he is still interested in me, since he has been mostly cold lately. He said he knows he is not available enough, and that, although he does dream of a serious relationship, he does not know if he's capable of that at this point.
I'm always really understanding with him and I am happy he is talking to me and not hiding the truth. But it confuses me that at times he doesn't seem to care about me, and then he goes and says something that completely changes my opinion.
I understand he's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him either (yet). But I do like him, A LOT. I feel we're very similar (he said it too, several times) and that we've both learned from our past mistakes and could be having a mature, beautiful relationship together.
My question is, is it worth waiting for him, being patient and supporting him, or is it a complete waste of time?
I hear Virgo men get attached slowly, so would anyone advise me to keep going with this? I am afraid that he actually doesn't see himself with me, but is not saying it straight forward. With any other man, the signs would have been clear and I would have run away long time ago, but with him, I really don't know what to think.
*Virgos, any thoughts?
From dating quite a few Virgo's and even been married to one, I can tell you that if they want you, they move quick! Real quick.*
Pay attention to this paragraph, because it’s true . I’m a Virgo and I move fast when I like someone , specially if I am aware that it’s mutual; in some cases I might not say it directly with words , but you’ll definitely know when we like you with actions . Of course if he’s depressed it might be a bit more difficult to get his interest /attention but if he really likes you then you’d be that one reason that would make him feel great and you’d know how special you are to him .click to expand
He said very plainly that he is not ready for a relationship. If he is not moving lightning quick to get with you, why are you still there?
I started going out with my virgo man when he was fresh out of relationship. He was bit like that at first. Could become a bit quite and distant. I felt like I was fitted in between his work and other activities. It's much better now. He is around a lot, and very caring. But doesn't say much about how he feels ect. Still there are days when he goes a bit quite and it shits me tbh, but probably a virgo thing.. because despite him going a but distant he is still always there if I need him, and his actions speak louder than words..
Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you should be more concerned about what’s going on with you.
1. You’re dating for a month and already talking about the potential for love, even though you seem to be dating in the absolute loosest sense of the word.
2. By your own admission, this guy’s life is a shambles and you’re trying to figure out where you fit into that mess.
Those seem like huge, red flags. If you wanna be a supportive friend for him, that would be admirable... if he were actually your friend. This? This is a glorified stranger.
1. You’re dating for a month and already talking about the potential for love, even though you seem to be dating in the absolute loosest sense of the word.
2. By your own admission, this guy’s life is a shambles and you’re trying to figure out where you fit into that mess.
Those seem like huge, red flags. If you wanna be a supportive friend for him, that would be admirable... if he were actually your friend. This? This is a glorified stranger.
Posted by hippiecrite
Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you should be more concerned about what’s going on with you.
1. You’re dating for a month and already talking about the potential for love, even though you seem to be dating in the absolute loosest sense of the word.
2. By your own admission, this guy’s life is a shambles and you’re trying to figure out where you fit into that mess.
Those seem like huge, red flags. If you wanna be a supportive friend for him, that would be admirable... if he were actually your friend. This? This is a glorified stranger.
There may be an important detail I left out, this is all happening in France, where dating culture is a bit different from, say, the USA. Most people I know have a hard time with the concept of dating just for fun/enjoying time with another person without questioning the future of it. So it's not that unusual to evaluate someone's potential for long term, even if you've just started seeing them.
On the other hand of this equation, I am an anxious person who tends to overanalyze, and though I know it's unhealthy and I should just relax, sometimes I cannot. I am doing my best though, and it helps to know how other people see it from the outside.
So thank you!
Posted by NinaDPosted by hippiecrite
Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you should be more concerned about what’s going on with you.
1. You’re dating for a month and already talking about the potential for love, even though you seem to be dating in the absolute loosest sense of the word.
2. By your own admission, this guy’s life is a shambles and you’re trying to figure out where you fit into that mess.
Those seem like huge, red flags. If you wanna be a supportive friend for him, that would be admirable... if he were actually your friend. This? This is a glorified stranger.
There may be an important detail I left out, this is all happening in France, where dating culture is a bit different from, say, the USA. Most people I know have a hard time with the concept of dating just for fun/enjoying time with another person without questioning the future of it. So it's not that unusual to evaluate someone's potential for long term, even if you've just started seeing them.
On the other hand of this equation, I am an anxious person who tends to overanalyze, and though I know it's unhealthy and I should just relax, sometimes I cannot. I am doing my best though, and it helps to know how other people see it from the outside.
So thank you!click to expand
I hear ya. The Virgo and I were exclusive straight away. Admire anyone who knows what they want and is confident and direct enough to put themselves out there for it.
Sadly, it sounds like this guy has so much on his plate, he can barely keep his head above water. Personally? I’d leave it. That’s an incredibly rocky and unhealthy way to start a relationship. Can it be successful? Sure. But it’s a helluva crap shoot attaching yourself to someone who doesn’t know if they’re up or down. This guy needs to focus on himself and his kids, not his dating life.
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First few dates went great, then he became a bit distant and unavailable. It seems he only texts me when he feels he's got time to meet up, and I don't feel much affection from him when we're together, but he does seem attracted to me phisically and interested in our conversations.
He told me his marriage ended after a lot of fights between him and his ex, and after she eventually cheated on him.
Whenever we meet, we always have great talks, he has no problem being open about himself and admit his weaknesses and failures. He's told me he is on antidepressants and that he sometimes has a hard time seeing where his life is going.
Last time we met, I asked him if he is still interested in me, since he has been mostly cold lately. He said he knows he is not available enough, and that, although he does dream of a serious relationship, he does not know if he's capable of that at this point.
I'm always really understanding with him and I am happy he is talking to me and not hiding the truth. But it confuses me that at times he doesn't seem to care about me, and then he goes and says something that completely changes my opinion.
I understand he's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him either (yet). But I do like him, A LOT. I feel we're very similar (he said it too, several times) and that we've both learned from our past mistakes and could be having a mature, beautiful relationship together.
My question is, is it worth waiting for him, being patient and supporting him, or is it a complete waste of time?
I hear Virgo men get attached slowly, so would anyone advise me to keep going with this? I am afraid that he actually doesn't see himself with me, but is not saying it straight forward. With any other man, the signs would have been clear and I would have run away long time ago, but with him, I really don't know what to think.
Virgos, any thoughts?