Do You Ever Come Back?

I feel like I've read before that Virgos never come back...although I feel I've seen this to be untrue with others. My Virgo/Leo ex has decided to put herself back into my life a bit, although not sure why. There seems to be no real reason for it, she was quite adamant that we should go our separate ways. Is this a good sign? I haven't asked why yet, and frankly I'm not sure I want to yet....don't need to be let down, or ruin anything that might exist there.

I don't. 😉 Usually, I've already made up my mind.

In your case, I think she's really coming back. We usually don't come back EXCEPT if we realized that we truly love the person. We are a detached sign so when we love someone, we really mean it. Don't scare her out. We don't like feeling uncomfortable.

Thanks guys I appreciate it.

The first time it ended it was just not the right time. Both of our lives were not in order. But it was very intense and we were crazy in love (I know I still am 3 years later) so I feel like that sort of thing doesn't just disappear.

I am trying to figure out when I should reach out...but I'm not sure. I definitely do not want to scare her away. But she also regretted that I didn't make the first move the first time. So, I'm kind of torn. I'd love to let her come to me but I'm not sure how long is too long...I don't want to wake up one day realizing that the opportunity I'd been waiting for stared me in the eyes and then moved on. She is hard to read...of course.

This is what I do when I am not certain by my next move: observe, until the doubts are finally gone. Virgos can wait and we don't rush things.

It depends on what happened. If I was in a bad place in my life but I cared for you, I would come back.

"But she also regretted that I didn't make the first move the first time." -> this should be a hint to you this time.

Sure, she could've come back for ego purposes...but maybe she really likes you? I don't know her so I can't tell.

@firebunny I'm kind of doing the same thing. I feel like maybe that's the case for both of us but I can't be sure. I'm currently trying to figure out a way I can maybe figure out where she's coming from without scaring her away.

@damnata makes sense. I don't know if she's in a rough place in her life, she's still in law school, seems to be happy but then again I guess most Virgos seem happy right up until they aren't, I guess. Her best friend and I are actually good friends, I've been thinking of trying to see if she has anything interesting to say. You're right that it maybe should be a hint..but of course if I'm wrong, this could be it. So, I feel like I have to wait till I have more certainty.

I guess, for me the biggest thing is that she's always been someone who avoids her past relationships (and anything connected to them) with an almost fearful passion. The biggest thing I want to rule out is that she just wants to be friends...we tried that many times to no good end. So, I'm just hoping this means she does still have feelings for me.

To kind of add on to the thought process I was going through before - there's basically two things I'm trying to figure out here.

1. Why come back into my life, and

2. How should I respond

So for 1: I don't know why she would, although it makes me happy. Seems some of you are optimistic. All I can say is, the feelings we had for each other in the relationship were very intense. Even talked about getting engaged at one point. So, I guess key things here are - do you guys hold onto feelings? If you truly love someone do you come back? Do you come back even if you don't? Do you put yourself in a position to be noticed when you have motives for doing so?

For 2: One thing I should add is that in our previous relationship, I went to great efforts not to scare her away, act clingy, or even really show my true feelings for the longest time. I was very complimentary, never avoided talking to her, but she pushed it along the whole way - first to start texting me seriously, first to say she liked me in a serious way, first to express desire to officially enter into a relationship...even was slightly first (by a millisecond) when we leaned in for the first kiss. I was the first to use the L-word however because at some point I couldn't contain it anymore. She was not bothered by that. I feel like in my efforts not to scare her off, I might have actually done just that - I didn't show that I had enough to lose, I guess. Knowing what I know now about Virgos, this seems counter-intuitive...and this makes me wonder how I would ever know when would be the right time to try again. Do I take it slow and try to build it up slowly again? Or do I wait for the perfect opportunity and tell her how I feel? I just feel like that would be a bad idea. This is the hard part.

I can't really think of a situation where the Virgo comes back just because of "pride." And I also can't think of any Virgo who would come back merely as a "friend" in situations where the other half is "in love."

I have an ex and I have never talked to her in almost a year. That's coz I don't want her to fall in love with me again because I don't love her anymore. If I were to come back as a friend, I will first make sure that we are just going to be "friends," no more no less. If the girl's in love with me, friendship's over.

Btw, what are the instances that makes you think she's going back only as a friend?

@firebunny that's what I thought at first...but I guess I'm just being extra cautious. Your behavior in that case is exactly as hers was towards me for quite a while after the breakup. We tried to be "friends" but it never went well. And all along the way she made sure to point out that she didn't want to lead me on, etc. But in the last year and a half, we've had minimal contact since I graduated. So, nothing points out to me that it would be as just friends, that seems unlikely to me - but of course I don't want to get my hopes up and then have them dashed. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it, although I guess you can't be pragmatic about loving somebody. I feel like, as you say, there must be no other reason for it...but I don't want to assume anything. Might have to at some point.

@tiziani good point. As I said before...I try to not be optimistic about it (although being a Sag that's my natural state so it's tough) because I don't want to hope for the best then realize it was all just a misunderstanding. But if you guys think that there are some intentions behind this, that makes me feel a lot better. I just have to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

JustaSag..I read what you wrote on the virgo women thread and I need to address it. Just by reading it, it sounds you overestimate her personality, looks, everything. This leaves you in the position to be played by yourself because you're so addicted to the image. She might have changed or she might never have been the person you thought she was.

People are human and flawed, keep it like that.

I see you have a good head on your shoulders about it all but do watch out for that tendency to idealize.

^Haha I was wondering if someone was going to see that.

I've definitely seen her in the last year (not really communicated at all but I have seen her out and about), and we have mutual friends...I know generally what she's up to, all that. I know that she's highly flawed...I don't think there's any getting around that. I've had plenty of time to think about this relationship, I've been in a couple since the one I had with her, and I'm confident that all my feelings are valid. I know I'm in a vulnerable position here, and that's why I'm trying to be so careful in this situation and trying to figure out what the best course of action is.

Idealizing is something I tend to do always...but in this case I have a pretty good hold on it. She's not perfect at all...nobody is. But her imperfections don't bother me really...some are even why I fell for her in the first place :p

Hit pretty hard by some very vivid dreams last night concerning this girl...two in a row...both very realistic, quite traumatizing emotionally I must say. Both ended just as I was attempting to say something to her. Then I woke up. Left me feeling quite...unpleasant. Not sure if anyone here puts any stock in dreams, I am split on this but I can say that I've had so many just like these (although never two in one night, and none quite as vivid) that I've lost count. I feel like something is trying to be conveyed. Also still welcome to any answers anyone might have about my questions higher up. You've all been great.

Just wanted to keep this updated in case anyone is reading this and hoping to learn anything. Decided to take the plunge on Sunday and reach out...proceeded to talk all night, until she went to sleep. Then all yesterday, same thing. And so far today. Sunday night was interesting, it was very conversational and friendly, toward the end there was lots of flirting. Similar yesterday, had some serious conversations about what she was currently doing but also got flirty toward the end. Today has been interesting, similar flow. Really reminds me of when we first started talking. I feel like she was looking for from me than I've given so far...but at the same time I'm scared to show my hand too much because there's a chance that she's not. We joked around about running away, getting married, traveling the world - things like that. I want to think that there's a reason behind all this but I can't be sure yet. I do know that talking to her like this for the first time in years is really having quite an effect on me, I can't hold this all in forever.

LilyTree, don't worry I am. At least I'm trying.

Just some quick details - when we started talking on Sunday and then more on Monday, the conversation seemed a lot more natural and like it was when we first met. When we were speaking yesterday, it started fine - but she seemed distant. At one point we were talking about how we both wanted to travel the world, and I said something like that my dream was to work hard in the field I'm currently trying to get into for a few years, make some money, and then take time off to travel around the world. We both have iPhones so in iMessage I can see when the other person is typing. She started to write something back, but then stopped...then there was a pause, then real quick she just said "Well, good luck with that!" I felt terrible immediately, as I realized I made it sound like I didn't picture anything with her and she was hoping for something perhaps in that vein. However, I didn't want to put anything out there if it wasn't there to be had. I wanted to play it safe but it might have been like a knife to the heart. I don't know though.

After that we continued speaking for another couple hours but it was much less flirty and free-flowing. Ended on a terse note. Thought I ruined everything, was planning to apologize for being an ass today but she made some snarky comments on social media and we had another short conversation. Still not nearly as nice as it was a few days ago when we started. She also mentioned that she was working on things for school but it still felt as if I was pressing it, which I do not like feeling.

So, not sure. I really hope I didn't destroy it all with one little sentence. Once again, I feel like at the same time I don't want to scare her away with emotions, and yet that she might be potentially waiting for something from me that I'm too scared to show. I've never been in this situation with a Virgo before so I really don't know what scenario is more likely. I may be over-analyzing, but all I have are the details so that's what I'm working with.

Just wanted to keep updating this, it's been a while I guess. Sorry if you guys are sick of me hah - I just need a place to keep this all straight in my head.

I think last I wrote, it was still just a few days after I reached out. That week finished strangely - the following day, I reached out to her, but she was just about to take a nap so she said she'd text me later. Seemed pretty cold so I didn't pursue it. We went back and forth a bit, joked around, that was it. Next day, out of the blue, she texts me to tell me she's in the city, because she knows we both want to end up living there at some point. Turns out she was with a friend celebrating her birthday. Doubly strange because she's not the type of person to be on her phone while with friends at all. Ended up talking the whole time and into the night. She was somewhat drunk at one point, but definitely still able in control. At one point she said she wished I was there, and I mentioned that I would very much like to see her and she said that would be very nice. Following day we barely talked. And the day after too...although we did talk a bit that day, and she seemed to be working hard to try to act overly friendly, not flirty. Felt a bit distant.

She went on a long trip to see a mutual friend after that during which I didn't bother to try to talk to her. It was for the whole week. We did have a couple social media interactions but nothing else. I actually came down to visit some friends where she goes to law school (where we went to undergrad as well) and I reached out asking if she wanted to grab a drink. She mentioned that she was getting drinks with an ex and totally sidestepped the request but still continued to ask me about my weekend. Then she stopped responding. I sent one more lighthearted message saying we needed to grab a drink next time I was in town. Never responded to that but then talked to me on social media the next morning. Also strange.

Then all last week, once again we really didn't talk at all. Again, more social media interactions, but nothing major. Then on Sunday, I decided to reach out just for the hell of it...she responded well and was very talkative again. Lots of joking, some bringing up of the past again, even asked me what I was doing which she only ever did when we were together. Seemed maybe drunk at first but as the conversation went on it was apparent she wasn't. Said goodnight and once again that was it. Reached out yesterday to

it depends, virgo struggle through the breakup n might come bk, but once they have gotten over things. they never turn back. never.

^That's what I had been lead to believe, but I personally know some virgos that have gone back.

We've now been "talking" for a month, and I think I've noticed a pattern. It seems like once or twice a week, we will have a long, great conversation, and talk about all kinds of things. She makes a point of telling me she enjoys it, and one or the other of us always mentions that we would like to see the other person very much. And it always goes well. But then immediately following that for a few days, she gets very distant. Still reaches out on social media...but won't answer a text, or text me. So I wait a while before trying to speak to her again. Very hot & cold. Drives me crazy, although I'm trying to give her space. This sounds kind of typical, although I wish I knew for sure what this was a sign of. Once I move closer and change jobs I'm hoping i can make things progress better.

I don't hold her responsible necessarily for any character traits she has. She treated me very well the first time we were together, in fact better than anyone ever has. She's not a bad person, and I don't think this is happening now due to any shortcomings on her part.

I feel like she's acting like this for a reason, and I'm just trying to figure out what that reason is. She's not intentionally trying to make me feel like garbage I'm quite sure. She's just not that type of person at all.

Trust me, I've been more or less been in love with this woman for over 3 years now. I've tried many times to get past it - never really worked. If there's a chance that something is there, I'm going to do what I can to make it work. I'm willing to be patient and put in the time and effort. Given how how tumultuous things were post-breakup, I can forgive her for any walls she might be putting up. Just want to know why is all.

Quick update -

Last couple weeks have been good - lots of really good conversation. Talked about our past relationship, and a bunch of other stuff. A few times she's gotten very flirty, and even dropped some compliments. I've tried to keep my composure but it's very hard.

On Thursday, we were talking, and she mentioned how stressed she was with things currently. I said we should just sneak away on a vacation over the weekend. She thought that was an interesting idea, although I was not serious but maybe half serious. I told her I would love to spend some time with her, and would enjoy her company. She said "you don't mean that" and I said "I do, I promise" and then she freaked out a bit and said she was very busy at work and couldn't talk. So I said ok and asked her to get back to me when she could. She didn't of course but reached out on social media later that night. Talked yesterday a bit, but she was also extremely busy yesterday so it was a short conversation. Reached out again today, no answer.

Something interesting, we had an excellent conversation on Tuesday night, and immediately after we said goodnight her virgo BFF (whose also a good friend of mine) tweeted something like "I love love" and mentioned her in it. I thought that was interesting. I feel like I see lots of small signs but can't be sure if I'm reading too much into it. I really want to express how I feel, I don't think I can honestly hold it in much longer.

I'm debating whether or not I should just tell her how I feel and completely open up about it, or if I should ask her out first and try to see how that conversation goes. Being that she's 3 hours away, any date is a big undertaking. Also, I've casually mentioned that I wanted to take her out several times now, and each time she seems almost embarrassed that I would ask, although never says no. However she never seems to think I'm serious. Either way, I feel like I"m at the breaking point and something has to happen soon.

Decided to say something - not sure how it went. She made a comment, "You don't know me" and so I jumped at the opportunity. I said I'd like to change that, and she laughed it off. I said I was serious, and she said she was going to see a movie by herself and couldn't talk anymore. Decided to push more and say I wasn't finished with this conversation and I want to continue it...she asked why and I said because I had been thinking of this for a while and had to talk about it. Then she said "movie starting" and that was it. I said I still have more to say...can only hope she decides to get back to me.

She seems to want to avoid any serious conversation at all...but I don't know how to get around that. I'm hoping that she's at least thinking about what I said. I want to believe that this behavior at least points to something positive, as I feel she wouldn't get so rattled if there was nothing there. In the past, years ago when I tried to get back together with her, she was always very upfront and dismissive about it. Nothing like this. These are more like the things she said when we were first talking and didn't know how each person felt about the other.

Having a small heart attack over here.