virgo men and distance/space/disappearing

I know this has been discussed at length elsewhere on this board, but I thought I'd revive the topic as I'm dealing with it at the moment.

Here's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm dating a Virgo. We've been growing closer and closer and on Monday had an incredibly intimate, profoundly emotional sexual encounter. I haven't heard from him since.

I'm not panicking. I'm assuming that he needs to go off and figure some things out for himself. It's strange because we usually talk every day and this is really long without contact, but I'm also determined that he initiate the next contact we have. In that sense, I'm ok.

What I'm concerned about is balancing my need for reassurance with his need for space. It's fair enough that he needs to distance himself to get a handle on his feelings. I can't hold that against him. At the same time, I need him to say something along the lines of "You're fine, v-lady. I need to go and sort some things out and I'll be back when I'm done."

Yes, he's had a tough time of things and yes, he has every reason to have all sorts of emotional issues surrounding him getting involved in a new relationship. This isn't just about *him* and *his* issues, though. I can't ignore my own needs for attention and validation just so he can feel comfortable dealing with whatever he needs to deal with.

Help!

It's so strange that I have to ask this as a virgo! I'm completely useless as using myself as a sort of benchmark on how to deal with these things.

I'm also telling myself to remain non-emotional. In that sense, I've decided that I'll be warm and receptive when he does get back in touch. Then I'll wait a bit and explain to him what I'm thinking in terms of my needs.

And I'm sure every water sign reading this is thinking "wtf"! Whatever.

Hi, v-lady ... welcome back. Obviously the Pisces man is history.

This is normal for Virgo men, and yes, we discuss it often. And being a woman, it's not easy to sit back with overwhelming emotional intensity for somebody ... but, this is their way.

Maybe this will ease you a tad .. the V man only pulls away and goes MIA when he is into a woman ... if he kept constant casual contact at this stage, then he's not into you.

Though, you want verbal validation .. if you let yourself realization that by not giving you the "verbal", and looking at the absence and what it really means for him to do this .. then you'll see that by his actions of withdrawing completely without contact actually means he likes you very much.

When dealing with Virgo men (opposite of the females who are verbal at these times) .. you have to register his actions as indicators.

I guess I'm looking for some sort of reassurance. I'm so overwhelmed by my feelings at the moment that it seems the one way to work through them is to have a plan of some kind. I totally understand that people accuse virgos of being so rational and so cold, but it really is the only thing to do when the options are sink or swim.

Hey p-angel. It's good to see you. I've been following everyone here for months but haven't thought to post and actually say hello.

I still adore my Pisces, but have managed to put things in perspective with him. Fabulous man, but so exhausting to have a massive crush on a man in another country.

I think one of the reasons that I want to pour my heart out here is that I know I shouldn't be doing it with my virgo. I agree that him going MIA is a good sign when it comes to a long term perspective, but every fibre of my being wants to be held and reassured NOW.

Sigh.

He really is a great guy, though. It's taking every ounce of maturity I've ever claimed to possess to be secure enough to let him go do his thing and know that he'll be back if it's meant to be.

Thank you ladies for helping me maintain my sanity this afternoon.

oh oh oh!! You're so right starfish!!!

The first month we were seeing each other, it was all about "I want you so much" and "you're so amazing" and great sex and on and on and on. And then some really genuine, deep emotion surfaced and all of that great, flowery talk is gone. Adios.

Ok. Have to run for a couple of hours. Sorry to say hello and then go again. Talk to you all later!

So nice to hear about someone loving 🙂.. most people only want to talk about what's wrong in their life.

He's got you shining .. I can see all the way over here. Don't worry, he really likes you v-lady .. the signs are there. Maybe try working out to release some of that excitment will help.





**geez ... just told a Virgo not to worry** 🙂

Later ... go spread all that love you have. 🙂

HAHAHAHAHA

The "standard" virgo problem of withdrawing!

Since you too, are a virgo , V-lady I am very happy that two virgos will screw each other and no one else from any other sign will screw them!

I'm not sure if this is a related question or not... Once virgo men fall in love deeply, can they ever love again? I've been reading a lot about how hard it is for virgos to find a partner they want to settle with and, when they do decide to marry, it's forever.

Here's my concern. My virgo is a widower. He lost his wife two and a half years ago and loved her very deeply.

Will the virgo in him want to stay true to her memory rather than find love again with someone else?

Will the virgo in him want to stay true to her memory rather than find love again with someone else?

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Here is something motivating:

Answer :: YES!

If I am correct Mr. Warren Buffet is a virgo. He was not living with his wife when she was alive but never divorced her. He remarried after couple of years passed by to his first wife's death. The person he remarried to was a care taker preparing soup and food every day for him and was appointed by his late wife.

So yes- there is a chance if that makes you feel happy.

Thank you so very much for saying that DC. I'm thanking you for all sorts of reasons, but one of them is that I can't begin to tell you how much it means to be able to talk with someone who can speak from a perspective I can't even fathom. In all likelihood I'll never be able to go up to you and give you a hug and tell you what a difference those words made. But I'd like to very much.

This is big in terms of the emotions and issues involved. Scary big. I find myself doing a lot of praying at the moment. We're all so damaged and there's so much baggage and so many elements in play that it's hard to stay centered and try and approach things from a place of love.

I've never before had my own sense of self and own sense of dignity be such a crucial factor in any relationship. That's probably why I see so much value in this experience - regardless of what my virgo decides to do. I feel myself growing, but it's definitely coming with the requisite pains.

Blah.

v-lady,

To paraphrase Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck: If Virg loves you, he'll drive you crazy - because he knows he can.

"Once virgo men fall in love deeply, can they ever love again?"

Yes! I've had FOUR Big Loves in my life -- married to the latest one now. My Virgo Dad remarried back during the summer, after losing my Leo Mom more than a decade before -- and he's 83, so even Very Old Dawgs can learn to love again...

DC:

VERY VERY touching post. Made my heart very heavy..
I must admit you are very strong and behind your smiles you seem to cover a lot of pain- didn't know that much.

I hope you do find more peace and a wonderful relationship as an outlet to your sensitive kind soul.

v-lady,

Real virgos I know can't forget their real love that easily (there are some weird virgos as well that keep on marrying again and again and keep on talking about their "loves" but they are a few..and not that hard core virgos)

It takes a while for them to love and forget some one, but if you handle him very patiently and maintain that delicate balance, it shall work after a long time.

Be positive and think positive.

DC...

Take it easy and take care. I will offer a prayer for you tonight.

...

"Here's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm dating a Virgo. We've been growing closer and closer and on Monday had an incredibly intimate, profoundly emotional sexual encounter. I haven't heard from him since."

Was this a "planned" happening? Or was the encounter more of a spontaneous event? Us V-men prefer lovemaking to be scheduled and pre-approved. Has more to do with our sense of wholesomeness and scheduling, rather then getting caught up and letting go in the rapture of the moment. Perhaps you embarrassed your chaste Virgo, V-Lady?

Oh goodness, I didn't even think of the pre-approved aspect. It was about as planned as you can get without actually pulling out a calendar. On Saturday night, we had a super racy internet chat. On Sunday, we had a super racy internet chat, each went to bed at midnight, then both ended up online two hours later unable to sleep because we couldn't stop thinking of having sex with each other. On Monday, he was able to get away for an hour to come and see me. That seems to be the schedule we're regularly on. Needless to say, I am feeling a bit like a whore (but I'm also getting a perverse satisfaction out of that element of possession).

He's a father to a two year old child. He's a surgeon. He teaches and does research. Every part of his life is planned down to the minute. There really isn't a lot of room for spontaneity.

And as an update... I just had an online conversation with him. Apparently, he's been really busy with work for the past couple of days. Interesting bit was that we only talked about Monday night's sex once. I was talking about something going on at work and, as we were changing topics to something equally unspectacular, he interjected to ask whether or not I liked the sex on Monday. I said I did, he affirmed that he enjoyed it as well, and then we moved on to more banalities. Nice conversation, but nothing that makes immediate sense to me in terms of what's going on in my head. I'll need to sleep on this.

Ahhhh!.....he's a scholarly, educated Virgo, is he? Arent all of us V's?

More than likely he was breathlessly awaiting that moment in the online conversation to blurt out his fear of rejection, by affirming if he was able to please you? That is, after all, our primary purpose in this world. Giving of ourselves to others.

v-lady,

what is the age difference? Is it too much?
If so, you may need to process slowly , in particular in physical areas.

New day, new set of neuroses.

Thank you so much, tollbooth, for that perspective. When he only mentioned Monday night that once and only to see how he performed sexually, I thought he was telling me that the whole experience was irrelevant (or at least had significantly less impact on him than it did on me). It never occurred to me to think that he was actually quasi-nervous about his performance. I do have to say, though, that I am sorry he didn't say anything about his own feelings. I should have asked.

Capgirl, I'm 33. He's 36. I don't hold chastity as being particularly sacred and with the right person I'm ridiculously "easy". There's nothing left to blush over when it comes to the physical stuff. It's the emotional aspects where we both move very, very cautiously.

It's the emotional aspects where we both move very, very cautiously.
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You got that right! I agree with this, emotional stuff is the one we need to be more cautious about..

***I'm also telling myself to remain non-emotional. In that sense, I've decided that I'll be warm and receptive when he does get back in touch. Then I'll wait a bit and explain to him what I'm thinking in terms of my needs.

And I'm sure every water sign reading this is thinking "wtf"! Whatever***

Uhhh, me being a water sign, think this is an excellent choice. I don't believe in smothering. You know he cares for you. Give him his space, it sounds like he will be back when he is able to handle this.

My chi-town girls was up!!! V-lady and Starfish!!!

Fuck it's cold. You rock on starfish for not letting it get you down.

QS... How's everything going with your virgo? It would blow my mind if yours and mine were in sync.

Things are jumping to mind that I completely ignored earlier thanks to DD.

My virgo is really, really curious about whether or not I enjoyed myself. I think all men care (unfortunately to varying degrees), but my virgo is really, really insistent on receiving that validation. It's only occurring to me now that his interest really is about feeling wanted to a degree that I haven't seen in other signs before.

They're definitely complex.

Well, every person I've ever slept with (sober) .. we knew.

In my opinion .. if a person can't tell by how their lovemaking was making each other "feel" and it has to be told, then somebody isn't paying attention, in which case .. if they aren't paying attention .. then the lay was crappola. ;P

I totally don't want to rain on your parade PA ( 😛 ), but consider it from a different perspective... What if it's not about trying to figure out whether or not the sex was good? What if it's about confirming the "oh my God was that as incredible as I think it was?" feeling that you've got with your partner?

Two sides of the coin. Just saying. 🙂

One thing I know is that I despise being probed. I have my reasons and they don't personally relate to you otherwise, I'd just flat out tell you. I don't fear being hurt either, I can open up completely and I hold nothing back; I want to be deeply in love with a woman before I do; I don't like superficiality in general, it turns me off faster than anything. If I feel like I've got to hold back for you, I'll just leave you; I don't like a weak woman, it's unattractive; I'm looking for a partner in the emotional sense of the word. I hold my feelings at BAY, they exist but they aren't easily envoked by anyone....there's something special that girl has to have before I say 'your mine'. I don't settle for anything less than what I want;. My passionate side comes from my extreme focus on you; When I do crave you, you'll probably tire out before I do; all I ask is that you never refuse me emotionally/sexually (these two are relative to me, there's no point in having sex with a woman you aren't emotionally attached to) and I'll keep coming back for more; I dont want to be in a relationship where my vindictive side is envoked and I have to keep things hidden; I completely switch..... I go from angelic to demonic in nothing flat. I want honesty and I'll be happy to lead the way.

I also hope along with that sexual appetite you're GARUNTEED to have, you'll be open-mided, intelligent, (I don't necessarily mean book smart either I like just talking about life in general) passionate, positive, and straightforward. I don't like a woman who doesn't try new things, and is TOO MUCH of a homebody, and I don't like a materialistic girl, now I'll go out of my way to give you things, but you're in the relationship with ME, not my money and If I get wind of this, I'll stop at absolutely nothing to make your life hell....DO NOT toy with my emotions, and well get along famously.

oh, yeah, creativity!! I like a girl who expresses herself, give us a point to connect/realate at. I'm not a soft and sentimental guy, I just try to be because I want SO BADLY TO BE PERFECT FOR YOU; I fight too much for the idea of perfection, and can fall short, and then get pissed off, but just be understanding. I know you don't want a guy who's just knockin' you over the head, and filling you up, I'll be a gentlemen so long as you respect my needs, and are loving and attentive.

Maybe it's just a water sign thing, but I agree with P Angel. I never have had to ask my Pisces; he has never had to ask me...we just know it's stellar; it's a shared feeling that requires few words, other than the occasional four-letter just to keep things spicy...lol...it's a knowing that I feel can only exist between two people who are emotionally, physically and mentally in synch.

When a body is in ecstasy, it shivers, moans, skin glistens, eyes gloss over and roll around, nipples stand erect, muscles contract, breathng is labored ... when two people are experiencing these sensations, it should be obvious to their partners that these reactionary behaviours are present BECAUSE they are in rapture .... if a partner cannot recognize that thier love making has brought thier lover to this glorious place and has to be told in words .. then this makes for a terrible lover.

There might not a bigger sexual turn-off, then to lie in bed, soaking in the residue of the vibrating sensations that wracked the whole body, shivering in warm delight and have your lover look at you and say, "Did you like it. Was it good".

Like it? Did you not 'feel' my groin tense up against your stiff rod? Could you not 'feel' my body quivering? Did you not 'hear' my groans of pleasure? Do you not know why my juices are running burning hot and dripping? Were you not aware of my passionate kisses on your neck, as my back arched in spasms of heated climax, as my kegels clenched fiercely on your shaft?


And you ask me this question?


Does this mean you are not aware of my body?

Is this question being asked because I'm an "object" in which is in use for you to perfect yourself? A system of motions which have to be working in precision inside of yourself?

Like a machine?


What is this question for? To validate in your mind what your senses should have already told you if you had been aware of your lovers body and how and why it moves with you feverishly?

Why don't you know that? If a person is an awesome lover, then why don't they know that?

It has been said by someone in here that you aren't mind readers and this is the reason for the question ....

Here's a question to you, then .... can you read body language?
Do you not know WHY your woman is climaxing?
Have you brought her to a place in which you aren't sensing by her involuntary reactions that she is in ecstasy ... and so have to be told?

Like a machine that can only process information, but, cannot feel?

After y'all finish here, check out the Scorpio Board: I've seen quite a few posts here lately about...

Scorpio Men who RETREAT after coming on strong.

What's up with that?? They trying to be Viros, too (like the CAPs)??

They trying to be Viros, too (like the CAPs)??

***************

No they do not try to be Libras. Some Virgos are libras but have misconception that they are virgo. Virgos are generally not stupid, Virgo with Libra cups are the stupidest people on EARTH.

CAPS have their own identity , generally too strong for virgos and I have seen many virgos follow cap suits since they are "Adaptable".!!

Basically disappearing means lack of self confidence.

Same old crap since centuries on this board.

"CAPS have their own identity , generally too strong for virgos..."

Since when are annoying, obnoxious, and obtuse considered "strong" personality straights. CAPS like yourself are prime examples of empty starched shirts...

* personality straights. = personality traigts. *

(Shouldn't try to eat lunch & type at the same damn time!)

* personality straights. = personality traits. *

(Shouldn't try to eat lunch & type at the same damn time!)

Shouldn't try to eat lunch & type at the same damn time!)
**********

For inefficient people, multitasking is NOT an option, it's for CAPS. We can multitask better.

"Basically disappearing means lack of self confidence."

Does that apply to Scorpios, too??

So... only CAPS are self confident...

What a crock of sh1t!

"We can multitask better."

That's because y'all don't notice (or catch) your own mistakes... y'all should be grateful to us Virgs for catching them for you... before you hurt yourselves...

"Virgo with Libra cups..."

Only applies to the cross-dressers...

y'all should be grateful to us Virgs for catching them for you...

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We CATCH our errors and ADMIT it too.. We never say IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT.

As for virgos catching "errors" (It's basically a sign of their inferiority complex by showing others errors and looking good), I USE many of those retarded virgos to catch my errors and proof read my presentations. That helps me keeping them occupied and keeping their sarcastic tounge under CONTROL.

Only applies to the cross-dressers...
**********
REALLY?

Got a go...

Hold on .. let me get my tape measure so we can't see (for a fact) which of these two earth sign's ego can piss the farthest .....

Me! (I'm an "outsee")...