Virgo men: Intention when criticizing GF?

Hi all; I've been seeing my Virguy for about 8 months now. I really adore him. And I can see me happily spending the rest of my life with him. He has made a comment about us growing old together and has told me n his own way that he loves me and is committed to me.

Our relationship is wonderful, the sex couldn't be better, the cuddle time is ah-mazing, and we have the same exact sense of humor and interests. The one area I feel doubtful in is logic and intelligence. I just can't keep up with him. And lately, since we have gotten more comfortable with one another I feel he is more critical more often, especially in this one area where I am most self-conscious. Everything I read, and everything I understand about him tells me that this is because he cares. Because he wants to help me. And; logically I know this and actually appreciate it. I like that he doesn't blow smoke up my ass. I want to know how to improve and in some ways I feel like no one has cared enough to tell me these things. But, sometimes it just plain hurts. And lately, it has started to effect me in a different way. Now that things are trending more long-term I've started to worry if I can make him happy. His criticisms make me think that he is not happy with me. Or that I am not good enough for him in his mind. I am beating myself up horribly when I am away from him and then I am not spending time improving myself, instead I am worrying about the validity of our relationship. Ugh.

Wondering what another Virgo Guy might say to this if it was his girlfriend posting on the internet saying these same things? When you criticize your lover do you feel like she is not good enough for you? Are you constantly looking for someone that will be on your level intellectually?

Me: Sun=Leo, Moon=Cancer, Venus/Mars/Mercury=Virgo, Jupiter=Taurus
Him: Sun=Virgo, Moon=Sagittarius, Venus/Mercury/Jupiter=Libra, Mars=Leo

I find that life is all about "Tact" and even when criticizing there should be some tact.
My advice is tell him how you feel. Id want to know if i was secretly hurting someone who loves me.

I have told him -- well not the depths of my feelings; but I told him that it made me feel self-conscious and feel bad about myself. He has apologized and then reassured me and then said that it has always been an issue and that he is trying harder with me than he has with anyone else. I guess I just know that it is in his nature and I don't want him to change; because that will just create resentment later.

I just wonder if it makes him doubt our relationship. Or if in fact; he is just trying to help me? It makes me feel like I am not good enough for him and then makes me feel not special or not important to him?! It is a shitty feeling; because it makes me think that the minute he finds someone who doesn't have those flaws he will love them more than me. I know that is getting super self-conscious which is why I don't want to share that with him just yet. I don't want to be an emotional drain on him -- so would rather work this out on my own if I can. Thanks so much for any input at all.

You would rather feel badly yourself over criticisms and internalize that than pull him into your feelings as the second party he is in the relationship? Whether or not it's *in his nature* it's something he needs to be aware of. Selfless and magnanimous of you perhaps, but unnecessary really. You can't go off holding things like that in like a ticking time bomb to explode over something random like his dislike of a nail varnish. He needs to be included in that, it's called communication.
It's eroding something of yourself that it shouldn't be. Do you see that? Tell him each and every time he says something you snap back with "It is WHY you love me." True, is it not? All your faults and foibles, every damned twitch and tweet, it makes you you. If that were altered or changed you'd not be the same. The same woman he fell for. Remember that.

Here's the thing with Virgos ..... they won't take charge in a relationship to form standards, they want to consider themselves the go-with-the-flow with everything about their partner as a way to serve them through being accommodating and tolerant.

But, they aren't tolerant, they aren't go-with-the-flow people ... so they end up expecting their partner to be the perfect person they want of themselves.


It's not going to stop. Whether it's because he cares or because he's just an ass, or anywhere inbetween is irrelevant .... because the outcome will be the same. You will eventually become to resent him for it.

meanwhile, he will continue, and once you've left him, he'll just move to another and another and another .. until he finds a woman who will stfu about it and let him be the self righteous ass he was born to be when it comes to critiquing his partner.

Posted by P-Angel
meanwhile, he will continue, and once you've left him, he'll just move to another and another and another .. until he finds a woman who will stfu about it and let him be the self righteous ass he was born to be when it comes to critiquing his partner.

Don't hold back, tell us what you really think.

Yea I would try not to take it to heart as a Virgo guy I usually mean well when criticizing somebody and definitely care about them and improving there life and making comments its something us Virgos can't help. But if you make a big enough issue out of it he'll stop obviously he cares about you if he's with you for 8 months. Don't be all emotional though just make a joke or something . Cause obviously we can't control our criticism usually so just say babe I know thats the way you are 🙂

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22

I mean come on,He's already picked you and tolerated your personality for 8 MONTHS!

Jesus Lady, I mean come on ... he's already tolerated your personality for 8 months.

What more do you fucking want?

Okay; I should clarify: he's not an ass. Anyone that thinks a Virgo is an asshole just doesn't understand how they work and what they do for people day in and day out. If he is an ass; it's to someone that is completely oblivious to how subtly giving he is. I have several Virgo friends and they are all this way. They need to be appreciated for what they do. And dammit they should be. He never stops thinking about how things can be better and it must be exhausting!!

Thanks guys for your advice -- I definitely need to learn to not expect a lot of reassurance from him. And will definitely try the "hey that's why you love me" schtick -- just hard -- cause usually it hurts so bad (not because he's an ass -- but because the truth hurts sometimes) it makes my lip quiver and I have to walk away so he doesn't see how hurt I am. But I will try and toughen up and throw it back on his toes when I can.

Sign or no sign -- relationships really are about understanding and communication. I guess sometimes I just feel like with Virgo it can be a one-way street at times. He needs praise and acceptance but I feel like I need to learn how to live without it. He can't stand to be criticized; but he can dish it out quite well. I am tough enough to handle this -- just gets confusing at times. I am extremely loyal and devoted -- but don't ever want to come across as clingy. That's not my style y. Anyway; really appreciate all the insight.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22
OK Im going to help you out a bit.
1st of all,us being critical— This is something that will never change. Even if we wanted to or tryed our best effort, somehow something will slip out that will make you second guess the relationship. Being the Leo that you are, this is something you will very much have to get over if you plan to spend the rest of your life with a VIRGO PERIOD. If you cant stand the heat, adjust the temperature or leave, BOTTOM LINE.

Secondly, holding back that you are offended by his criticism is EVEN WORSE!
You have to speak up for yourself when talking to a virgo. He cant fix what he doesn't know of..
Plus, you must make him understand the serverity of what he is doing or trust me, he will proceed harshly.
But unfortunately not allowing him to be himself around you will definitely send him to another woman in a heartbeat.
You should still tell him, Although he wont fix it completely, he will definitely know when he has crossed the line or if what he is about to say to you will hurt your feelings as the relationship goes on...after you've told him that is.

As far as him leaving you because he see's flaws in you....honestly it's pretty dumb to think that.
If he wanted to leave you, he would have done it months ago TRUST ME ON THAT.
As long as you allow him to be himself, you wont have any issues about him leaving, unless its on your part.

Last and also least, VIRGOS ARE ASSSSSWHOLES,lol
Either he already knows he's bothering you, or he doesn't.
Its never what you think it is with a virgo.
If he loves you, he will compromise....if he doesn't or does not feel the way you do, he wont.
If a virgo is going to leave you, it will always happen before things get too deep(like 8 months deep)
I mean come on,He's already picked you and tolerated your personality for 8 MONTHS!
As a virgo myself that is entirely to long to be with someone I dont love....
So my advice is to just be REAL about the whole relationship PERIOD.
I also agree with one of the earlier posters, When he criticizes you, tell him "Its why You love ME"....If he laughs, makes face, giggles, etc. he's not going anywhere. But if not TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL! and dont half ass your feelings BE 100% Real, and HE WILL REPSECT YOU THAT MUCH MORE!

"PotHeadVirgo"...aaahhh...cool...Wiz Khalifa is that you—

"Sign or no sign -- relationships really are about understanding and communication. I guess sometimes I just feel like with Virgo it can be a one-way street at times. He needs praise and acceptance but I feel like I need to learn how to live without it. "

I wonder how long you are going to tap dance around this guy? I wonder how long you're going to put HIM FIRST? Which only devalues your importance which devalues your feelings in the end and makes you appear to be an emotional doormat, someone he can run over emotionally.

He has to know how you feel, he has to have some feelings of awareness that he's upsetting you unless he just lacks empathy or is a straight up and down asshole or a anti-social personality/sociopath, my point is, he has to know he's hurting you and if he doesn't know then he should. Thicker skin isn't always the issue, it's more so about being aware of the other persons feelings, doesn't mean he has to not be himself around you but it doesn't take much effort to think about our partners feelings during the process of saying how one feels.

Tiki -- you're partially right. I know the most important thing for me to do is love myself and take care of myself. That is definitely part of my bigger plan -- it's just when I post on here I am more interested in the astrological side of the equation and trying to understand where his head is at -- not my emotional growth and journey per se. But, yes -- I have to love me first. This is hard for me, especially in the beginning phases of a relationship where I am head over heels and I will do anything for my partner. I shower him with love and affection. My insecurities build up when he doesn't reciprocate; but this leads me to this point:

All of the Virgo men who posted on here basically sound just like my BF. They are basically saying -- relax, look at what he does with actions. Take him at face value. Communicate but don't doubt him. And; I did just tell him that I was feeling very insecure about our relationship because of his criticisms. I told him that I felt like he was looking for perfection (in fact, on our very first date I said that same thing -- both times he has denied it). When I told him I was feeling insecure about his love he basically said -- "well I've told you that isn't the case so there's nothing more I can do -- because it isn't true." (Basically, saying he's done reassuring me).

So, now -- I really feel like I can't tell him anymore that I feel unloved or insecure; I guess I am afraid that if I do he will think I am crazy and harping on something insignificant (because to him it seems like it is) and I will throw away what has become, quite frankly, one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had. I feel that the more I bring it up the less he will actually want to make me feel loved by way of attention and or compliments -- or at the very least, a little softer on the criticisms. His actions don't change much, in fact, I feel like he has pulled away slightly since I did mention it again. He thinks by just reassuring me briefly and matter-of-factly when we are discussing it that should be enough I guess...

So very confused. Yeah, I guess all relationships don't work out -- but man, the good stuff is so good I hate to throw it all away because he expresses his love differently than I am used to. I am trying to develop thick skin and adapt because I care so deeply for him and don't want to lose him.

Posted by P-Angel

meanwhile, he will continue, and once you've left him, he'll just move to another and another and another .. until he finds a woman who will stfu about it and let him be the self righteous ass he was born to be when it comes to critiquing his partner.

ROLMAO!!!!!!!

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22
O
If a virgo is going to leave you, it will always happen before things get too deep(like 8 months deep)
I mean come on,He's already picked you and tolerated your personality for 8 MONTHS!

LMFAO! I love the way you put the exact amount of months-ha! Hilarious!

I like what Pothead had to say "We show love by what we do, not what we say."

But can't you see moondream? It all changes when you get hurt, criticism is just criticism but when it hurts and you can't communicate that in a way he GETS IT well that's were you fail and nothing changes. Just because you want to keep him in your doesn't mean let him have his way on every issue.

It's about YOU when someone is hurting you and hurting feelings intentionally or unintentionally and when you make it about him as in finding a reason "why" he's doing what he's doing or saying what he's saying because he's a Virgo then essentially he gets a FREE PASS to do whatever the hell he wants, basically YOU INVITE MISTREATMENT, you encourage stinging criticism when you find a reason for it, you always have a level of control and power in relationships with men but if you get so frightened that you'll lose him if you stand up for yourself or distance yourself when he's being critical then you LOSE, you not only do you lose yourself, you lose your voice, you lose your power, you lose the opportunity to develop something meaningful when you allow a man to feel having him around is "more" important than YOU, than how he makes you feel when he doesn't think before he speaks, the behavior will never change if you keep rewarding him with LOVE and MORE LOVE and IMO it doesn't take much to think about another person, I don't expect him to tap dance around your feelings but at the MINIMUM a mate has the ability THINK about someone other than him/herself, men that don't think about there partners are beyond selfish and can be quite Narcissistic as in self absorbed as well.

You have to love yourself around a man or he will not take you seriously and he will take you for granted, you have to know when to say "WHEN" and know when to think about yourself, think about how his behavior effects, you cannot continue to allow someone to kick you and say I need a thicker skin so I can take a kick.

I've done the analyzing, it's deeper than astrological make-up and there are only so many adjustments you can make until you look like a doormat and feel unloved and insecure. I'm not blaming him, he's being himself, it's more your fault that you've allowed this to go on.

This is sad.

How soon do you think you'll develop this thick skin? Hopefully before all of your self-confidence/esteem has been eroded (and no offense, but you already sound like you're almost at that point).

This is not just a Virgo thing. Anyone who is constantly criticized by a loved one (or anyone) runs the risk of significant emotional damage.

You say this is the most meaningful relationship you've had yet you have been here more than once complaining of lack of reciprocity, etc., and now this. Personally, although you are a nag, a bit clingy, insecure, anxious and a tad desperate, and it's turning him off hence the reason he's creating space between the two of you, I think you can do better.

I am a Virgo and I am very critical. Very. However, whenever someone in my life expresses to me that my criticism hurts them or makes them feel insecure...Out of the love and care that I have for that person I make a conscious effort to take things down a notch, watch my tone, speak with more compassion...Whatever I need to do to make them feel less beaten up, and more emphasis on why I'm trying to help (almost always the criticism is to help, not to hurt, but ironically most times it ends up hurting anyway...delivery).

This is obviously a big issue for you and if all he is willing to do is to continue to tell you "that isn't the case, there's nothing more I can do..." without making some serious concessions, then perhaps it's time to re-evaluate this relationship, but since you seem so scared to lose him, I have a feeling you would rather suck it up, deal with it, and short change your emotional well-being in the process.

Good luck

"When I told him I was feeling insecure about his love he basically said -- "well I've told you that isn't the case so there's nothing more I can do -- because it isn't true." (Basically, saying he's done reassuring me)."

And yet that's part of relationships, reassuring our partners and if you're not worth reassurance than...What are you worth? You have to KNOW what you deserve, what your worth is or you'll accept any kind of treatment from a man.

I wonder if he wasn't so critical would you still feel unloved and insecure and saying "I am trying to develop thick skin and adapt because I care so deeply for him and don't want to lose him." shows a level of desperation as if you can't do better and men PICK UP ON THIS, are very observant of a woman's neediness and pretty much can control the whole relationship which leaves a woman feeling insecure and unloved, when you accept whatever he's dishing well that's the message I'm afraid you're sending to him, that he's so important that he can treat you the way he wants and you'll tap dance around it, make excuses and keep your insecure hurt feelings to yourself and anyone whose been in your shoes know how miserable and emotionally overwhelming it can be to be in such a powerless position in a relationship.

I think you should step back, take some of the FOCUS OFF of him and start revolving your life around yourself a little bit more so you won't feel so DEPENDENT on him loving you a certain way, a lot the unloved insecure feelings would dissolve when you stop the analyzing, stop NEEDING him to stay in your life, you have to fill your life up with meaningful things beyond a man or you'll just come across as a desperate powerless doormat around a man.

I'm not saying leave him, sure you can stay but you have to regain some control and power over yourself emotionally so you can have a healthier relationship with him or you can just let him have his way as someone said and allow him to be the self centered asshole he is and just be quiet about it.

"You say this is the most meaningful relationship you've had yet you have been here more than once complaining of lack of reciprocity, etc., and now this. Personally, although you are a nag, a bit clingy, insecure, anxious and a tad desperate, and it's turning him off hence the reason he's creating space between the two of you, I think you can do better."

+1 Virgovixxen, great post

I want to elaborate on the nagging, clingy, insecure, desperate, anxious behavior well that's the outcome of being around a very critical persona, I don't think moondream is naturally all of these things but when a mate constantly points out flaws then the person can't help but feel FLAWED around that person, all of what he nit picks at regarding her personality begins to GROW, she begins to feel LESS around the man that claims to love her.

The more he criticizes the more she displays the worst parts of herself around him and/or attempts NOT to display the worst parts of herself around him only to fall down the rabbit hole of being criticized and shut down even more which isn't good for her self esteem, having powerless talks about how he's treating her and how that makes her feel will only reassure him she's needy when in reality he's just not able to GIVE her the emotional sustenance it takes to maintain a healthy relationship something she won't really acknowledge, he shuts her down by saying I won't change or discuss this anymore, take it or leave it and she takes it, NOT understanding that when she takes it she's REWARDING him by encouraging it all to continue.

She's slowly fading out of healthy relationship and sliding into toxic relationship, inevitably ending up in an emotionally abusive situation by allowing this to happen...

Inevitably she'll lose him anyway by turn belly up and giving him his way, she'll lose, she'll herself, lose him and the relationship will turn emotionally toxic which it seems it's heading in that direction already. Women do more harm by allowing herself to take neglectful behavior b/c she still LOSES the REAL connection she so desperately desires.

Posted by tiki33
I don't think moondream is naturally all of these things but when a mate constantly points out flaws then the person can't help but feel FLAWED around that person, all of what he nit picks at regarding her personality begins to GROW, she begins to feel LESS around the man that claims to love her.

The more he criticizes the more she displays the worst parts of herself around him and/or attempts NOT to display the worst parts of herself around him only to fall down the rabbit hole of being criticized and shut down even more which isn't good for her self esteem, having powerless talks about how he's treating her and how that makes her feel will only reassure him she's needy when in reality he's just not able to GIVE her the emotional sustenance it takes to maintain a healthy relationship something she won't really acknowledge, he shuts her down by saying I won't change or discuss this anymore, take it or leave it and she takes it, NOT understanding that when she takes it she's REWARDING him by encouraging it all to continue.

This feels like exactly what is happening. And I have no way to explain this to him -- he only sees anything wrong in our relationship as my flaws. But, thanks very much ladies. You are both right. Time to nip this thing in the bud. I have a beautiful life I would like to live.

I feel that he has underestimated me and our relationship. I will wait for an appropriate time to sit down with him and express these things. Will update you. But have a sinking feeling it will end in a break up; I just don't know if he will be willing to put forth any effort. How very very sad.

If I recall correctly, I used criticising as a way to get those emotional responses and have the girl pull me more into her emotions. The more she resisted, the more it made me feel I wasn't necessary in her resolutions.

Virgos like Pisces, need to be needed.

Posted by Cajunspirit


Virgos like Pisces, need to be needed.

I wonder if I'm really a Virgo or Pisces in that case. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

"This feels like exactly what is happening. And I have no way to explain this to him -- he only sees anything wrong in our relationship as my flaws. But, thanks very much ladies. You are both right. Time to nip this thing in the bud. I have a beautiful life I would like to live.

I feel that he has underestimated me and our relationship. I will wait for an appropriate time to sit down with him and express these things. Will update you. But have a sinking feeling it will end in a break up; I just don't know if he will be willing to put forth any effort. How very very sad."

Try not to assume the worse, as Cajun said(whom displays maturity so he know what he's talking about)this could be your opportunity to connect with him emotionally (that's if he's mature enough emotionally to allow himself to connect with someone).

The important thing is that you don't allow this to go on, just tell him to knock it off with the discouraging comments about YOU.

You can say when I hear certain remarks about me through someone I love it makes me feel unloved, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough around the person I love, when you look at me see flaws and point them out the love in me goes right out the door and I don't want to feel like that anymore, I want to feel loved and assured through our interactions that I'm enough, I know I'm enough but when being criticized becomes too harsh it makes me feel like I'm not what you want and I don't want to feel like that, I want us to care about one another and be able to display that part of our relationship more as we grow together. So what do you think? Do you think we can be more loving towards one another and less critical?

Basically he'll either shut you down before you can finish your speech or he'll love you enough to reconcile/adjust his verbal behavior towards you, if he love you, care about you this shouldn't be a deal breaker but if he loves being a critical asshole more than he loves being with you then yes this could be a deal breaker for him.

You can't live like this moondream at least not at the risk of damaging your self esteem, I'm sure you have healthy self esteem but for the most part if someone is nit picking and finding flaws well he may not be as into you as he's led you to believe because if he's claiming to love you well great but LOVE DOESN'T HURT, if you're hurting then someone is telling a lie, he's using love to disguise his hatred and so many women fall for this kind of man, he's charming, some are very attractive physically, mentally, financially but you gotta choose what's more important...him or your self esteem.

You can date him but maybe you should put some distance between the 2 of you and AVOID the talk altogether, you don't have a talk with him you just have to know that none of what he's being critical about is true and even if it is true...SO WHAT, it's not his life, it's not his flaws, your flaws have NOTHING to do with him or anyone else for that matter so it should never be something you feel bad about, that's the hardest thing to absorb around critical people, who you are, how you are HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE ELSE, you are human, every human including your virgo has flaws, EVERYONE HAS FLAWS and no one should be picked apart for being human, for being how he or she was created to be, every flaw you have is beautiful, as long as you are evolving as a person all by yourself you don't need HIM or anyone to help you evolve or to interfere with who you are as a person, it's none of his business and he's not your dad and he's not your guardian, you weren't born in the same womb, you've done just FINE growing, living, developing who you are ALL BY YOURSELF so you see YOU DON'T NEED HIM to tell you you aren't perfect, you KNOW YOU AREN'T PERFECT and that's okay, that's life, that's being human.

My suggestion would be you have to teach him HOW to love you through your ACTIONS how he's gonna treat you, every time he gets critical REMOVE yourself, get off the phone, cut the conversations short, go home if your over his house, stop rewarding him for his behavior, you DON'T have to have a talk if you feel it'll lead to a break up but you can adjust how you behave which speaks LOUDER than words and IMO is much more effective than words, you begin to remove from anything or anyone that feels like a threat to YOU AND YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH.

So you can have talk which I don't recommend b/c you've done that already or you can begin to slowly implement BOUNDARIES, something he'll learn through experience, he'll adjust b/c HE WON'T HAVE A CHOICE, he'll have to stop the behavior and you won't have to say anything and if you see he can't stop the behavior no matter what you do then he probably isn't evolved enough emotionally-mentally to be with in a relationship with a woman which means you cannot INVEST anymore emotions/time/energy in someone that can't get it, can't get how his behavior effects others.

This is something I had to learn, every woman has to learn, you have to learn how to take care of yourself not just when you're single but when you're around a man in a relationship with a man as well which is quite challenging, especially if a woman's self esteem is damaged but you do it anyway with or without damaged self esteem you still have to take care of yourself or people will run all over you, not b/c he's bad but because he can.

If you can't INSPIRE him to be a better man which makes him want to be a better man FOR YOU then you're wasting your time.

lol wait lets rewind to where someone said Virgos arent a $ $ holes..they are to! But that doesn't mean they aren't loveable. I dont think they're ever malicious. Dealing with a Virguy has taught me to trust what I see more than what I hear because let's admit it, Virgos arent as great actors as they think they are. They will ALWAYS give themselves away in action. Anyway, he probably really does think he's offering great advice or he's trying to impose on you the standard he wants for himself. If youre the type to want that great. If not...I agree that it might be time to part ways because its inherent.

Posted by tiki33
"You say this is the most meaningful relationship you've had yet you have been here more than once complaining of lack of reciprocity, etc., and now this. Personally, although you are a nag, a bit clingy, insecure, anxious and a tad desperate, and it's turning him off hence the reason he's creating space between the two of you, I think you can do better."

+1 Virgovixxen, great post

I want to elaborate on the nagging, clingy, insecure, desperate, anxious behavior well that's the outcome of being around a very critical persona, I don't think moondream is naturally all of these things but when a mate constantly points out flaws then the person can't help but feel FLAWED around that person, all of what he nit picks at regarding her personality begins to GROW, she begins to feel LESS around the man that claims to love her.

The more he criticizes the more she displays the worst parts of herself around him and/or attempts NOT to display the worst parts of herself around him only to fall down the rabbit hole of being criticized and shut down even more which isn't good for her self esteem, having powerless talks about how he's treating her and how that makes her feel will only reassure him she's needy when in reality he's just not able to GIVE her the emotional sustenance it takes to maintain a healthy relationship something she won't really acknowledge, he shuts her down by saying I won't change or discuss this anymore, take it or leave it and she takes it, NOT understanding that when she takes it she's REWARDING him by encouraging it all to continue.

She's slowly fading out of healthy relationship and sliding into toxic relationship, inevitably ending up in an emotionally abusive situation by allowing this to happen...

Inevitably she'll lose him anyway by turn belly up and giving him his way, she'll lose, she'll herself, lose him and the relationship will turn emotionally toxic which it seems it's heading in that direction already. Women do more harm by allowing herself to take neglectful behavior b/c she still LOSES the REAL connection she so desperately desires.

+1 on yours as well, tiki. I just hope the OP can heed and start learning to put herself first.

I am learning to put myself first -- and also learning that if I don't work on my complexes; they will certainly work on me. I should never let anyone strip away my confidence or my self-worth. I am trying to distinguish my boundaries and so far, so good. After some feedback from you lovely souls I found my confidence again and took a few days apart from my Virguy to think things through; I decided better not to say anything with words and instead with actions, as was recommended and it worked perfectly. My Virguy has been making extra effort I feel because he has picked up on this and in some ways it has brought us closer together. I am my own woman -- this is what attracted him to me -- this is how I am happier and this is what keeps our relationship healthy. I thank you all so very much for your thoughtful advice!

Posted by moondream
I am learning to put myself first -- and also learning that if I don't work on my complexes; they will certainly work on me. I should never let anyone strip away my confidence or my self-worth. I am trying to distinguish my boundaries and so far, so good. After some feedback from you lovely souls I found my confidence again and took a few days apart from my Virguy to think things through; I decided better not to say anything with words and instead with actions, as was recommended and it worked perfectly. My Virguy has been making extra effort I feel because he has picked up on this and in some ways it has brought us closer together. I am my own woman -- this is what attracted him to me -- this is how I am happier and this is what keeps our relationship healthy. I thank you all so very much for your thoughtful advice!

@and also learning that if I don't work on my complexes; they will certainly work on me.

Ain't that the truth...

Good for you Moondream, I'm happy for you, I'm rooting for you and wish for you the best....I knew if you made a few adjustments things would turn around for you and let's hope it gets better and better and better.

What Pangel and pothead virgo said..along with tiki. It won't stop because its what they do and how they show love. Virgos are not for soft people. U can stand up for yourself and i would or they they will walk all over you.

What Pangel and pothead virgo said..along with tiki. It won't stop because its what they do and how they show love. Virgos are not for soft people. U can stand up for yourself and i would or they they will walk all over you.

What Pangel and pothead virgo said..along with tiki. It won't stop because its what they do and how they show love. Virgos are not for soft people. U can stand up for yourself and i would or they they will walk all over you.