Her

Perfect

The first time I saw you and looked into your eyes. You just felt right. A childhood friend I forgot I had. You feel comfortable. There you are! How are you?

What a odd thing to have with a stranger total stranger. You feel right and I don't understand why and I just roll with it.

I wanted to talk to you but never caught you alone and I was too shy to make a move. My own issues stopped me. Your with a friend they said. Yet I could keep my eyes off of you and tracked you in the room even without seeing you. Couldn't let it go even if you were seeing someone else and I got sucked into the 20s drama around me. Distracted.

Then you disappeared before I could muster the courage to act anyways. So I put it out of my mind back then and chased a crush. I didn't know any better. You pop up briefly but I'm fixated on my crush and you are doing your own thing. So I do mine.

Time passes and you reach out randomly. Drop by drunk with friends. Things get a little routy and I stay to myself. You crawl into my bed drunk. I willn't take advantage, I'm not like and I'm afraid of you too for some reason. He said you were asking for me and to get in there and I'm shaking inside. Why?

You leave with your friends after you sober up enough to call someone for a ride. You disappear again. I don't try. Low self-esteem sucks so much.

Pop up again your with someone else and pregnant. Blow my chance there too. Doesn't matter still happy to see you. Disappear.

You pop up again out of know where again with a friend and your baby. It didn't work out with the guy. Ask to stay with me for 2 weeks and you crawled into my bed with your female friend. You initiate with her but she says no because I'm here. I do nothing. I hold back again. Then you disappear the next day. Happenstance or baiting me again? In hindsight the latter.

Finally you pop up again. So happy to see you again.

We for the second time ever we have a conversation. Half way through the conversation it clicks in my head. I will end up loving you, t hats what I'm feeling.

I think about my current life and think she can do better. My own issues I know.

Here you are again this time dating a woman. You ask me for advice. I give it and you leave again. I'm sad but I ignore it as always. I push you out of my mind and bury my memories of you. I'm not good with emotions. It's what I do. It works and I move on.

Years pass and I come across you again. You see me and come up to the car. I explode and so happy to see you. We start talking through the window and the feelings come up and hit me again for a instance. Then I remember where I am. look to my side in the back seat. I remember now. My girlfriend is driving while I mind the baby next to me. The thought crosses my mind. It's too late. I quickly suppress it. I'm good at that. Can't let my girlfriend see it. She is super insecure. Besides it's too late.

More years pass and my life is a living hell for years. I got trapped and couldn't escape before it exploded. I shattered with it but I'm holding on. I roam aimlessly trying to cope. Reconnect with old friends. Trying to figure out how my life got to this point. After reviewing my life and all the decisions I had. I realize it's all my fault. Doesn't sink in though. I just continue to press on.



While I'm going though this, you reach out on Facebook, after all these years. I'm so happy to hear from you. We talk and do a quick catch up leaving out the ugly details, both of us did in hindsight. Say goodbye to each other and we will meet up sometime.

Never do, you didn't have a phone and it was by chance you remember your Facebook. Whatever.

For some reason though. Since that day, I can't stop thinking about you. Everyday, multiple times a day something is nagging at me. Then it all comes back up again. Those feelings of love and joy I get whenever I see you and look into your eyes. Hits me like a ton bricks, It just clicks. You are what I have always been looking for. The real thing. You felt right. A course tho you disappear again. I go back to pushing though it all and trying to survive.

Then one day I'm doing what I'm suppose to do trying to get my life back in order and it's one of those nights I sit back and thing about things. Then it hits me.

All the mistakes I have ever made, I could forgive myself. But the one with you I can't.

Of all the shit I have done, you are were I truly went wrong in this life.

After years of getting to know people and dating, I don't just think, I know you are the one for me. There you were the whole time doing drive-bys in my life. The opportunities dangling in front of me. Yet I did nothing, never tried. Never got to truly know you, because of my own dysfunctions. My own weaknesses. My life could have been so much different with you. You were it. The kind of partner I always wanted. That was the last straw for me. Unforgivable.

I exploded. Everything I have been holding back comes out. Everything I have been pushing though. Years of Shit I suppressed. Opportunities I missed that I wanted, things I wanted, wasted time, and breaking every promise I made to myself growing up.

Now this. Fucking up with you. I can't forgive myself for that. I hate myself.

I exploded, everything I have held back and suppressed comes out and overwhelms me. Pain so intense that is all there is. It all comes out pouring out till there is nothing left. No thoughts. No feelings, No pain. Nothing left but a empty shell and Silence. True pure silence. At sat there in the dark for hours or minutes. I don't even know and it didn't matter. In the silence and emptiness.



Finally the quite is broken, a single thought comes to mind from the depths of my being. I'm done.

I can't help but smile at that realization. Ya it's time I respond back to myself and I get started. I take my time to prepare and I'm about to do the deed...

Then you pop up again the very last second. I remember again. My feelings for you and I found a reason to stay here again. Something to look forward to. Something worth sticking around for. A fresh start for me and a new me!

This was 5 years ago. Things didn't go as planned. For the same reasons as the last time. Too focused on other peoples drama. Putting others first again. Didn't do what I was suppose to do, to prepare for the day you finally showed up. I just chased you for years, Trying to build a relationship with you. Bent over backwards to make something happen. Supported the woman I love with all my heart, even at a distance. Made sure you were ok and safe even without me. I put you first like you deserve to be treated. Then finally you came fully into my life, these last few months. At your lowest point too. You pushed me away and said you needed to work on yourself. I knew what you really need which was what I wanted to give you. I told you what I have to offer and showed you with my actions instead of words. I stood by you and went all in on you. Put everything I have on the line for you. Yet Claimed you wanted one thing from me yet it turns out you wanted what I wanted to begin with.

How do I now know for sure? The person your seeing right now. What you gravitated towards lol

Someone to enjoy life with now. I knew and it's what I wanted with you. Yet I followed and listened to you instead.

Why didn't I listen to my instincts? Just be myself?

I'm going to pretend I don't know your seeing him as more then a friend. To not call you on it. To not blow up what we do have. I'm going to stop giving a shit and fight for you until they day you let me know you choose him . Gloves are off.

Going to give it my all. I don't know what the future holds but I want you in mine. When you know you know. It's scary. Scared me the first year and a half and had anxiety attacks when I talked to you. It didn't stop until I accepted my feelings completely and stopped fighting it. To think about someone every day and just being around them, makes you happy is fucking insane. To just not give a fuck about all the other bullshit life throws at you when your around them. Real love. I'm fighting for that.

I have done enough for this world and others. I deserve this. I've earned. I'll play this stupid game people play with each other because they can't handle true honesty. And I'm going to enjoy doing it despite the consequences. Tired of putting others first and having nothing from the universe in return. Tired of being weak.

See that's what I try to tell people who say that have anxiety attacks, that your body telling you something is wrong. I stand by it.

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Posted by Astrobyn

See that's what I try to tell people who say that have anxiety attacks, that your body telling you something is wrong. I stand by it.

Anxiety is a internal struggle. It stems from fear and rejection of part of yourself. It will go away once you identify and confront what the issue.

If it stems from a suppressed desire it will turn into it's opposite, which is excitement.

If it stems from past trauma remembered or forgotten, be it mental or emotional. It will disappear once you actively expose yourself to your triggers and feel safe in that situation.



I swear to god this is absolutely fucked up. A sea of knowledge in my head and I'm great at other peoples shit. Yet. this her? My shit? Totally fucks me up.

We are both highly sensitive people and get into these loops were we are mirroring each other. Yet we read each other very well. Just willn't admit it.

If I suppress my feelings it builds up and she has a anxiety attack. Tension gives her anxiety attacks. I swear to god that's what happens. I even tested it by venting it in different ways so I can be around her comfortably. I can't be firm with her because I feel like I'm forcing her. We are financially tangled. I don't regret that but ya it's in the back of my head I'm taking advantage, that fucking doubt holds me back.

Can't be mad at this woman even when she crosses my lines. It is always quickly replaced by my feelings for her.

This is bullshit. I have cut people out of my life or severely limited them for some of the stuff she pulled. I even warned her and reminded her. Not her tho.

When it comes time to put her in check or chew her out, I look in her eyes and I can't help but feel happy and melt a bit.

Somehow I got to manage my feelings in away without stressing her out or messing around with someone to muddy the connection, in fact something happened on the 15th and 18th on her end.

This is fucking ridiculous. All I want is her and to experience life with her. Don't care about what issues she has. Don't care about life situations. In fact the world can burn for all I care. 100% . Don't care love everything about her, even her dark side. It's not lust or some stupid infatuation. It's just is and there. Feels as natural as breathing to me.

I want to laugh and cry out of frustration at the same time. Annoying as fuck.

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

click to expand

This made me cringe…

You crawl into my bed drunk. I willn't take advantage, I'm not like and I'm afraid of you too for some reason. He said you were asking for me and to get in there and I'm shaking inside.

All this sappy shit!

You want her. She came to your bed!

Whatever reruns or sober - be a man! Fuck her.

Then drop her into a cold bath water. Wait until she wakes up and fuck her again…

The problem is - you must be so good at fucking so she won’t leave after.

But all the writing told me so much (first 1/5) about man who wrote it - I can’t!

It’s some doll house theater. I am a woman and I know love and suffering and all sorts of crap but MAN is the male human who comes, sees and conquer! I am an old fashion. I am old. And I know fashion. Live fashion where men don’t cry. Only when HER dies!

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Is your moon opposite your sun in your natal chart?

I have dealt with two men that have moon opposite sun sign and they compartmentalIze and block out their emotions like this.

Lol get this. Taurus moon and North node first house.

It's the description of those placements that made me consider taking astrology seriously and studying it all those years ago. It was spot on description.

Sun and mercury in Virgo. Needless to day I over think things.

I got in the habit of suppressing my emotions because growing up I was around users a lot. Say I love you while doing horrible shit to each other, kinda thing. Such as family steal from a single mom of 4. Emotional manipulation, deception, and people just passing there own pain around. Suppressing and blocking them was my way of giving them nothing to work with. As well as being receptive to dodge bullshit. That's how I survived.

That situation is also what got me interested in understanding and studying people, make sense of the madness. Which is exactly what it is, madness.

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Is your moon opposite your sun in your natal chart?

I have dealt with two men that have moon opposite sun sign and they compartmentalIze and block out their emotions like this.

Lol get this. Taurus moon and North node first house.

It's the description of those placements that made me consider taking astrology seriously and studying it all those years ago. It was spot on description.

Sun and mercury in Virgo. Needless to day I over think things.

I got in the habit of suppressing my emotions because growing up I was around users a lot. Say I love you while doing horrible shit to each other, kinda thing. Such as family steal from a single mom of 4. Emotional manipulation, deception, and people just passing there own pain around. Suppressing and blocking them was my way of giving them nothing to work with. As well as being receptive to dodge bullshit. That's how I survived.

That situation is also what got me interested in understanding and studying people, make sense of the madness. Which is exactly what it is, madness.

Yeah I can understand that. The Pisces guy has a Virgo moon and he does this… I didn’t know if it was because his moon is opposite his sun or just the fact that he has his moon in critical Virgo. But yes he has admitted he compartmentalizes and suppresses his feelings. It makes it difficult when it comes to healthy connections.

But I am glad that you are coming to these realizations about yourself and unpacking this stuff so that you can have healthier and happier connections going forward.

click to expand

mine is personal trauma and undoing and relearning how to express my emotions in a healthy way and in a way people can handle it Lmao. Done suppressing. I thought I was doing pretty good then she came along and I realize I went over board. Now I got to rebalance.

Virgos function best when they can focus. Doubt eats us alive. Talking. Talking to someone to help sort shit out does wonders. Pieces tends to blow off problems and issues, paint a rosy picture. Virgo wants to handle it and fix it.

Just get him talking and keep talking. Help him sort it all out. Then remind him of his own conclusions.

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

click to expand

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

My Aqua Mercury needs a synopsis:

-she is someone you have been infatuated with for ages

-you've seen her from time to time by chance, or perhaps by her own will

-you never asked her for a date, at least not for the first decade or so

-both of you had other relationships and children

-she became your penpal (?) for 5 years

-she came to (live with?) you, when she needed a shoulder to cry on

-she is cheating on you now

-you pretend it doesn't happen

Are there other major events that I miss...?

Anyway, she doesn't seem to respect you and is not afraid of losing you....because she knows her power over you. You, on the other hand, are presenting yourself as someone who has nothing to lose, which can't be the truth...Maybe your patience will be rewarded when she sees your value, or loses hers.

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

click to expand

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

click to expand

I am not answering to a whiny man who is turning any shit into sappy shit…but YES I am happy with man of the exact description I had given.

They exist. But you don’t want to know.

BTW ‘snowflake’ for women isn’t an insult, soy boy. See ya

Posted by Undine

My Aqua Mercury needs a synopsis:

-she is someone you have been infatuated with for ages

-you've seen her from time to time by chance, or perhaps by her own will

-you never asked her for a date, at least not for the first decade or so

-both of you had other relationships and children

-she became your penpal (?) for 5 years

-she came to (live with?) you, when she needed a shoulder to cry on

-she is cheating on you now

-you pretend it doesn't happen

Are there other major events that I miss...?

Anyway, she doesn't seem to respect you and is not afraid of losing you....because she knows her power over you. You, on the other hand, are presenting yourself as someone who has nothing to lose, which can't be the truth...Maybe your patience will be rewarded when she sees your value, or loses hers.

Close, remember I'm the writing and I can filter and speak objectively.

Not cheating. She was going through some serious shit and her life is a mess and she was a mess. I stepped in and up. I was pretty straight up with my intent with her. Laid it out and told her I wanted a relationship with her, more then friends. she asked for space and time. Because she said she didn't even like herself. She was getting over a very bad break up too. She is a cancer. It was all plausible.

Despite my intuition and instincts, I choose to listen to her and gave her space and support to working on herself. Been maybe a month and a half...boom. This happens. She is a serial monogamists. I am too but I have Bern single for a long time. I genuinely want a partner and specifically her. For no other reason then who she is and her effect on me. It's a very rare and unique dynamic. It's what I genuinely want.

Friendship ++ partner in crime and life.

I have passed up and turned down, and hit the breaks with other people. Zero regrets.

Fucking wish it was a infatuation. That you can erase, replace, and reframes your way out of. Messing around with other people feels like cheating. Been close to dating people but honestly couldn't do it. I compare the glimmer of what I saw with her and I just lose interest. Been trying on and off for years to get to know her, to be sure on way or another. Turns out I was right. So I told her how I felt and lets give it a shot. She said the last guy was into her like I was.

That was a 4 year total train wreck that dragged her along the tracks. She fucking amazing to me. Dude cheated on her and left her high and dry when she needed him the most. I'm not her ex. She was hurting and jaded. So I straight showed her with my actions and put everything on the line and myself out there.

Maybe your right tho and I gave her too much power but I wanted a equal a real partnership. You have influence over each other by considering the others needs along with yours. Problem? You hash it out. That's what a functional health relationship looks like. Maybe it was too soon and I should have played the game and even jumped right in when she was vulnerable like everyone else does. Like I said though I'm 100% about her. Never been so sure about something in my life. Fucking scared me when I realized it. Still a little bit when I got to get to know her better and it turned out I was right. Fucking unnerving to gel to feel that strongly about something.



You know if this was a real rebound, s disposable relationship I wouldn't give a fuck. But this... This looks like the kind a relationship I wanted with her. She really likes him and hell even I do. She doing all the little things people do when their into someone. So ya, got to take it seriously, even if it's in the beginning. Not pretending it didn't happen per say just not forcing her to choose by bringing it up directly. At this point tho I'm considering it. To call her on it and tell her what I see but fuck I already know it will get messy. God I hate games with serious shit.

P.S you know what gets to me the most, I got the worst of her at her worst time. It was heart breaking to see her like that. I stuck by her tho. If she bails on me after everything I've done....

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

I am not answering to a whiny man who is turning any shit into sappy shit…but YES I am happy with man of the exact description I had given.

They exist. But you don’t want to know.

BTW ‘snowflake’ for women isn’t an insult, soy boy. See ya

click to expand

Lol wow you didn't disappoint at all. Typical cop out response. Snowflake is a weak minded easily offended person. Which I am not. Go ahead and run away snowflake. It was expected of you.

This story is sad. The relationship sounds unhealthy and lacking in something.

If she bails on you now, just move on and find someone else. I am afraid you are going to lose another 20 years of life in this torture. Unless, you like torture.

You can’t fix broken people. Stop trying.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Undine

My Aqua Mercury needs a synopsis:

-she is someone you have been infatuated with for ages

-you've seen her from time to time by chance, or perhaps by her own will

-you never asked her for a date, at least not for the first decade or so

-both of you had other relationships and children

-she became your penpal (?) for 5 years

-she came to (live with?) you, when she needed a shoulder to cry on

-she is cheating on you now

-you pretend it doesn't happen

Are there other major events that I miss...?

Anyway, she doesn't seem to respect you and is not afraid of losing you....because she knows her power over you. You, on the other hand, are presenting yourself as someone who has nothing to lose, which can't be the truth...Maybe your patience will be rewarded when she sees your value, or loses hers.

Close, remember I'm the writing and I can filter and speak objectively.

Not cheating. She was going through some serious shit and her life is a mess and she was a mess. I stepped in and up. I was pretty straight up with my intent with her. Laid it out and told her I wanted a relationship with her, more then friends. she asked for space and time. Because she said she didn't even like herself. She was getting over a very bad break up too. She is a cancer. It was all plausible.

Despite my intuition and instincts, I choose to listen to her and gave her space and support to working on herself. Been maybe a month and a half...boom. This happens. She is a serial monogamists. I am too but I have Bern single for a long time. I genuinely want a partner and specifically her. For no other reason then who she is and her effect on me. It's a very rare and unique dynamic. It's what I genuinely want.

Friendship ++ partner in crime and life.

I have passed up and turned down, and hit the breaks with other people. Zero regrets.

Fucking wish it was a infatuation. That you can erase, replace, and reframes your way out of. Messing around with other people feels like cheating. Been close to dating people but honestly couldn't do it. I compare the glimmer of what I saw with her and I just lose interest. Been trying on and off for years to get to know her, to be sure on way or another. Turns out I was right. So I told her how I felt and lets give it a shot. She said the last guy was into her like I was.

That was a 4 year total train wreck that dragged her along the tracks. She fucking amazing to me. Dude cheated on her and left her high and dry when she needed him the most. I'm not her ex. She was hurting and jaded. So I straight showed her with my actions and put everything on the line and myself out there.

Maybe your right tho and I gave her too much power but I wanted a equal a real partnership. You have influence over each other by considering the others needs along with yours. Problem? You hash it out. That's what a functional health relationship looks like. Maybe it was too soon and I should have played the game and even jumped right in when she was vulnerable like everyone else does. Like I said though I'm 100% about her. Never been so sure about something in my life. Fucking scared me when I realized it. Still a little bit when I got to get to know her better and it turned out I was right. Fucking unnerving to gel to feel that strongly about something.



You know if this was a real rebound, s disposable relationship I wouldn't give a fuck. But this... This looks like the kind a relationship I wanted with her. She really likes him and hell even I do. She doing all the little things people do when their into someone. So ya, got to take it seriously, even if it's in the beginning. Not pretending it didn't happen per say just not forcing her to choose by bringing it up directly. At this point tho I'm considering it. To call her on it and tell her what I see but fuck I already know it will get messy. God I hate games with serious shit.

P.S you know what gets to me the most, I got the worst of her at her worst time. It was heart breaking to see her like that. I stuck by her tho. If she bails on me after everything I've done....

click to expand

I think you should talk to her calmly, before your resentment could make you explode. She seems oblivious to your suffering, or doesn’t care, or just wants you to know that she feels free from any obligation.

It’s how much we invest in someone, what makes us fall in love! Not how much someone invests in us! The former is spellbinding. The latter is reassuring. Little reciprocation, little chance of a balanced relationship, or even of a relationship…

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

I am not answering to a whiny man who is turning any shit into sappy shit…but YES I am happy with man of the exact description I had given.

They exist. But you don’t want to know.

BTW ‘snowflake’ for women isn’t an insult, soy boy. See ya

Lol wow you didn't disappoint at all. Typical cop out response. Snowflake is a weak minded easily offended person. Which I am not. Go ahead and run away snowflake. It was expected of you.

click to expand

Asshurt = weak man. Often impotent or suffering from ED. Creating muse. Building fantasies around her. Crying a lot. Resembles wet noodle.

And I have answered your questions moron!

Reading glasses?

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

I am not answering to a whiny man who is turning any shit into sappy shit…but YES I am happy with man of the exact description I had given.

They exist. But you don’t want to know.

BTW ‘snowflake’ for women isn’t an insult, soy boy. See ya

Lol wow you didn't disappoint at all. Typical cop out response. Snowflake is a weak minded easily offended person. Which I am not. Go ahead and run away snowflake. It was expected of you.

Asshurt = weak man. Often impotent or suffering from ED. Creating muse. Building fantasies around her. Crying a lot. Resembles wet noodle.

And I have answered your questions moron!

Reading glasses?

click to expand

No you didn't. You resorted to personal attacks instead of answering the questions.

Like I said you didn't disappoint.

Posted by Undine

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Undine

My Aqua Mercury needs a synopsis:

-she is someone you have been infatuated with for ages

-you've seen her from time to time by chance, or perhaps by her own will

-you never asked her for a date, at least not for the first decade or so

-both of you had other relationships and children

-she became your penpal (?) for 5 years

-she came to (live with?) you, when she needed a shoulder to cry on

-she is cheating on you now

-you pretend it doesn't happen

Are there other major events that I miss...?

Anyway, she doesn't seem to respect you and is not afraid of losing you....because she knows her power over you. You, on the other hand, are presenting yourself as someone who has nothing to lose, which can't be the truth...Maybe your patience will be rewarded when she sees your value, or loses hers.

Close, remember I'm the writing and I can filter and speak objectively.

Not cheating. She was going through some serious shit and her life is a mess and she was a mess. I stepped in and up. I was pretty straight up with my intent with her. Laid it out and told her I wanted a relationship with her, more then friends. she asked for space and time. Because she said she didn't even like herself. She was getting over a very bad break up too. She is a cancer. It was all plausible.

Despite my intuition and instincts, I choose to listen to her and gave her space and support to working on herself. Been maybe a month and a half...boom. This happens. She is a serial monogamists. I am too but I have Bern single for a long time. I genuinely want a partner and specifically her. For no other reason then who she is and her effect on me. It's a very rare and unique dynamic. It's what I genuinely want.

Friendship ++ partner in crime and life.

I have passed up and turned down, and hit the breaks with other people. Zero regrets.

Fucking wish it was a infatuation. That you can erase, replace, and reframes your way out of. Messing around with other people feels like cheating. Been close to dating people but honestly couldn't do it. I compare the glimmer of what I saw with her and I just lose interest. Been trying on and off for years to get to know her, to be sure on way or another. Turns out I was right. So I told her how I felt and lets give it a shot. She said the last guy was into her like I was.

That was a 4 year total train wreck that dragged her along the tracks. She fucking amazing to me. Dude cheated on her and left her high and dry when she needed him the most. I'm not her ex. She was hurting and jaded. So I straight showed her with my actions and put everything on the line and myself out there.

Maybe your right tho and I gave her too much power but I wanted a equal a real partnership. You have influence over each other by considering the others needs along with yours. Problem? You hash it out. That's what a functional health relationship looks like. Maybe it was too soon and I should have played the game and even jumped right in when she was vulnerable like everyone else does. Like I said though I'm 100% about her. Never been so sure about something in my life. Fucking scared me when I realized it. Still a little bit when I got to get to know her better and it turned out I was right. Fucking unnerving to gel to feel that strongly about something.



You know if this was a real rebound, s disposable relationship I wouldn't give a fuck. But this... This looks like the kind a relationship I wanted with her. She really likes him and hell even I do. She doing all the little things people do when their into someone. So ya, got to take it seriously, even if it's in the beginning. Not pretending it didn't happen per say just not forcing her to choose by bringing it up directly. At this point tho I'm considering it. To call her on it and tell her what I see but fuck I already know it will get messy. God I hate games with serious shit.

P.S you know what gets to me the most, I got the worst of her at her worst time. It was heart breaking to see her like that. I stuck by her tho. If she bails on me after everything I've done....

I think you should talk to her calmly, before your resentment could make you explode. She seems oblivious to your suffering, or doesn’t care, or just wants you to know that she feels free from any obligation.

It’s how much we invest in someone, what makes us fall in love! Not how much someone invests in us! The former is spellbinding. The latter is reassuring. Little reciprocation, little chance of a balanced relationship, or even of a relationship…

click to expand

Ya, thank you. This is what I didn't see.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by GemiMay

I couldn’t read past 1/5 and the last sentence.

It’s all started because of ‘weak’…

Women smell weak. Women need strong man - not weak. Weak men are disgusting. And blaming Universe is also a weakness. It’s all YOU! Not a universe.

Pretty sure I pointed out the problem is on my end....multiple times. Nor did I blame the universe. Blamed myself. Especially sense I know better now.

No shame in being weak. Staying that way is.

As for woman needing strong men...Define strong?

To me it's owning your shit(good and bad), doing what needs to be done( owning the consequences of that), being true to yourself while respecting others, and taking care of your own. That's a strong man.

All of which I'm trying to do.

What's strong to you?

She is a troll. Do not feed (respond to) the trolls.

You mean I am not kissing asses like you do?

If that’s what ‘troll’ is - then I am.

But I am LUCKILY know what MEN are and what happens when MEN becoming snowflakes!

And everything is ‘explainable’ because they are weak ass people who’s testosterone in below ZERO!

my testosterone level is just fine actually. If it wasn't I would not have a issue. I wouldn't be trying to fight.

Everything is explainable because there is a reason for everything. Everything you think and do is based off of biological mechanics and your life experience and how you handled it. Then the effects of others on you and how you act & respond. That's it. That's the secret.

You think you know what a healthy man is?

What's your relationship history like?

Has your mentality and view of men and yourself served you well in life?

Are you happy right now?

Come on snowflake, step up to the plate and answer truthfully. Fucking wow me.

I am not answering to a whiny man who is turning any shit into sappy shit…but YES I am happy with man of the exact description I had given.

They exist. But you don’t want to know.

BTW ‘snowflake’ for women isn’t an insult, soy boy. See ya

Lol wow you didn't disappoint at all. Typical cop out response. Snowflake is a weak minded easily offended person. Which I am not. Go ahead and run away snowflake. It was expected of you.

Asshurt = weak man. Often impotent or suffering from ED. Creating muse. Building fantasies around her. Crying a lot. Resembles wet noodle.

And I have answered your questions moron!

Reading glasses?

No you didn't. You resorted to personal attacks instead of answering the questions.

Like I said you didn't disappoint.

click to expand

…you did. Disappointed.

Update: I did tell her and let her know what I think and feel about things. Had to do it over text.

It was also too late, she did cross a line with him, t hats what pushed my over the edge and not wait.

She says she didn't see it coming with him. I did though and freaked out and doubted myself instead of acting sooner. So this is 100% my fault.

She did not like what I had to say but she accepted it. Which deep down I'm disappointed about that. It's not resolved and I fucking hate that. She sees things differently and I'm doing my best to consider what she had to say.

I usually have no trouble hashing things out with people.

This woman though. When I'm in her presence, I don't care about this or anything else anymore. So I need to figure that out.

I think the core issue is this has more to do with what I want. Doing that without forcing anything on her.

She absolutely needs help doing what SHE knows she has to do or she is just going to continue to run into the same problems. I'm not being judgemental here. To each there own. It's shit she says herself to herself out loud.