AgentP911
@AgentP911
11 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 1 · Posts: 3847 · Topics: 1
Taurus bf and i jave jist been on different pages lately (Page 2)
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by jeane
hmm, what are you really upset about?
you're not fighting over the bed. something has upset you and even though you thought you let it go, you haven't. what is it?
THIS
There's often, if not always underlying anger about something completely unrelated, something he did or a trait of his that is working on your nerves, which becomes impossible to ignore seeing as you live together. This is just how it comes out, bit by bit until there's a big blow up. Unless you dig deep and come clean about it?
We dont live together, but we see eachother 5xs a week. With 2 to 3 nights of sleepovers.
I really dont know what bothers me about him though?!
He actually always keeps his apartment clean. He just brought a new vacuum and is obsessed with it. Hes very independent.
The one thing he asked of me was whwn i leave in the morning (2 hrs after him) if i could make the bed. Which isn't an issue.
do you worry you're not good enough? that he will eventually see through you?
Lately I have been thinking
"what does he see in me"
I havent expressed that to him.
And I have no real reason to think that way or be insecure.
He is still affectionate, and we still talk and are intimate.
Im still dealing with past relationship baggage.and the fact ive been left when i thought everything was going good.
you're getting closer to it.
do you think you are in a bit of a self fulfilling prophesy here?
do you think that perhaps you are creating hostile environment while at the same time, totally terrified that you are fucking this all up?
things are going well so to me it sounds you are taking little pot shots at him (possibly as a way to test his commitment), leading to awkward moments which only add to your anxiety that things are going shit and so you desperately try to put it on track but then you worry that if it's too good, he might blindside you and go anyway?
and that a ring means he is not going anywhere? if the relationship is good or the relationship is bad, he's not going to leave?
You scare me....
😳 👏👏👏👏👏
Yup. That ^
How do you know all these thingssss?!?!click to expand
LOL she is that fly on your wall... 😂
Honestly, how can you not see it Boots? It's right there in front of you. In your words on the screen.
You know, sometimes I find my Taurus identifies so much with his point of view or he'll focus so much on this one thing that he simply cannot see anything else at all. All logic, reasoning, previous conversations etc go out the window and it's just him and this one thing that dominates. He will dwell and it really distorts his perception. I call it his manopause. I reckon it is a Taurus thing!
He had one last night so my receptors are still primed! He started off waffling but within about five seconds I stopped him and asked what the REAL problem was? It was late, I'd come in from netball officiating, I didn't have time to go around the houses with him! I knew what the problem was, reiterated the logic and reasoning behind it all, used facts to stop him sinking into some wallowing time pit, gave him a big kiss and cuddle, then we went to bed.
It breaks my heart to see him upset and he really is a softy with a 'handle with care' sticker on him but equally I'm not having this woe is me shit with distorted perception of whatever he thinks.
It really is a Taurus thing!!
Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by jeane
hmm, what are you really upset about?
you're not fighting over the bed. something has upset you and even though you thought you let it go, you haven't. what is it?
THIS
There's often, if not always underlying anger about something completely unrelated, something he did or a trait of his that is working on your nerves, which becomes impossible to ignore seeing as you live together. This is just how it comes out, bit by bit until there's a big blow up. Unless you dig deep and come clean about it?
We dont live together, but we see eachother 5xs a week. With 2 to 3 nights of sleepovers.
I really dont know what bothers me about him though?!
He actually always keeps his apartment clean. He just brought a new vacuum and is obsessed with it. Hes very independent.
The one thing he asked of me was whwn i leave in the morning (2 hrs after him) if i could make the bed. Which isn't an issue.
do you worry you're not good enough? that he will eventually see through you?
Lately I have been thinking
"what does he see in me"
I havent expressed that to him.
And I have no real reason to think that way or be insecure.
He is still affectionate, and we still talk and are intimate.
Im still dealing with past relationship baggage.and the fact ive been left when i thought everything was going good.
you're getting closer to it.
do you think you are in a bit of a self fulfilling prophesy here?
do you think that perhaps you are creating hostile environment while at the same time, totally terrified that you are fucking this all up?
things are going well so to me it sounds you are taking little pot shots at him (possibly as a way to test his commitment), leading to awkward moments which only add to your anxiety that things are going shit and so you desperately try to put it on track but then you worry that if it's too good, he might blindside you and go anyway?
and that a ring means he is not going anywhere? if the relationship is good or the relationship is bad, he's not going to leave?
You scare me....
😳 👏👏👏👏👏
Yup. That ^
How do you know all these thingssss?!?!
just listening to what you are saying.
"i get anxiety when it's quiet"
"he's very independent"
"i've been left"
"i want more of a commitment"
Can I pay you sheckles for therapy?
you can pay me by stopping this shit
this is what we know
a) he's a good guy. you've even said he is the best guy you've ever met
b) you love him
c) he loves you
d) he's not your ex-boyfriend
e) you've been through a lot together. there's a history there
f) he talks about the kids you are going to have
g) he is committed to you - refer to c
h) he's your best friend
i) you're amazing. you bring a lot to the table. you do so much for him that you can't even begin to imagine or realise.
j) you're stronger than you think. you thought you were broken before but you weren't and you're not. refer to c again.
k) you love a person who loves you. do you know how hard that is to find? need a reminder? read the threads here. people are desperately chasing for something you already have. treasure it. be happy. the next time you see him, hug him tight. be happy. he's with you. you found him. what an amazing future you can have together. stop stressing out over the stuff that doesn't matter.click to expand
Yup, people don't see what they DO have. Only looking at what they DON'T have...
You can always swap your problem thread for a 'why isn't he calling me—?' thread or a 'Why are Taurus so cold?' thread or the classic 'why has he disappeared—————'
😁
Do you have other examples? As to what you said, I see it annoying if it was said to me. I wouldn't like my partner to be sarcastic when making remarks on a real situation. It comes out as picking on me or making fun of me (I could be doing other things that he doesnt notice I'm doing and he's talking about the bed!) you see what I mean? Also, he just came out of work, so he is probably stressed and tired, maybe if you need to make such remarks, pick a good timing when you are both relaxed and accepting. You could have been doing this before and it was ok, but over time life gets more demanding.. so yeah I think you got what I mean lol .. anyway I hope you guys stay happy and in love! 🙂
So just a quick little update, and I'll get back to responding to some of the other great advice that was given.
I went over to my mates place last night to watch the NBA draft. By the time it actually starts, he's already been up for about 14 hours and hes exhausted.( I work late Thursday nights and usually i wouldn't even go to his place, but we wanted to watch the draft togther since were both into basketball)
I pickes up food for us and we settled in. Were just eating and talking and he says without any sort of prodding "I like this flow were in right now. It feels so natural"
*Why do i get so worked up and worried over nothing?! Its like @jeane and @agentp said, we focus on what we sont have, instead of what we do. He is an amazing partner. *
To continue, we have an inside joke amongst him and I called the "final equation " this is essentially, the belly is full, his heart is full and other parts of his body are empty, ao he does a big strench and bam...hes out like a light.
So again light hearted i say "and now it's time for z and his resty 😊" and (i say it in a disgusting high pitched sort of valley girl voice that y'all would puke over. It's one of our "voices" were both weird people. And he thinks its cute) but he got upset & said "BABE, IM TIRED I WORKED . DONT MAKE FUN OF ME"
So now of course, we have to get into a conversation about what this whole thread is about. (Terrible timing). I say "babe, im not making din of you. I know you work hard and you get up super early. I i understand you are tired. Im not upset you are tired, I completely undertsand. Im not making fun of you. i would love to understand why it bothers you and why some words I've been saying lately have been so criticizing to you?" "Im just trying to make you laugh at one of OUR jokes" he responded "they were cute at first, but now they have lost their humor. Im tired, do you really want to get into this now?"
I said "no"
Him: "can i sleep now?"
Me: "yeah babe"
Him: "love you"
*10 minutes later*
"Im sorry ive been working alot and haven't been giving us quality time, but i appreciate wverything you do for me and I love you just being here.
Me: "im very content just being here worh you. Go to bed" kiss.
Then i went home.
He sent me the aong kissed by a rose this morning. Inside joke also.
Prob tmi, but idc
I went over to my mates place last night to watch the NBA draft. By the time it actually starts, he's already been up for about 14 hours and hes exhausted.( I work late Thursday nights and usually i wouldn't even go to his place, but we wanted to watch the draft togther since were both into basketball)
I pickes up food for us and we settled in. Were just eating and talking and he says without any sort of prodding "I like this flow were in right now. It feels so natural"
*Why do i get so worked up and worried over nothing?! Its like @jeane and @agentp said, we focus on what we sont have, instead of what we do. He is an amazing partner. *
To continue, we have an inside joke amongst him and I called the "final equation " this is essentially, the belly is full, his heart is full and other parts of his body are empty, ao he does a big strench and bam...hes out like a light.
So again light hearted i say "and now it's time for z and his resty 😊" and (i say it in a disgusting high pitched sort of valley girl voice that y'all would puke over. It's one of our "voices" were both weird people. And he thinks its cute) but he got upset & said "BABE, IM TIRED I WORKED . DONT MAKE FUN OF ME"
So now of course, we have to get into a conversation about what this whole thread is about. (Terrible timing). I say "babe, im not making din of you. I know you work hard and you get up super early. I i understand you are tired. Im not upset you are tired, I completely undertsand. Im not making fun of you. i would love to understand why it bothers you and why some words I've been saying lately have been so criticizing to you?" "Im just trying to make you laugh at one of OUR jokes" he responded "they were cute at first, but now they have lost their humor. Im tired, do you really want to get into this now?"
I said "no"
Him: "can i sleep now?"
Me: "yeah babe"
Him: "love you"
*10 minutes later*
"Im sorry ive been working alot and haven't been giving us quality time, but i appreciate wverything you do for me and I love you just being here.
Me: "im very content just being here worh you. Go to bed" kiss.
Then i went home.
He sent me the aong kissed by a rose this morning. Inside joke also.
Prob tmi, but idc
How he fell asleep
space - sometimes we need a bit more space to get our heads together
stop trying so hard and sit back and observe and enjoy - listen rather than react
treat yourself - shopping or better yet, yoga or meditation - good for the head
@jeane nailed it - you are off and it's best if you just try to chill - life is routine and excursions for fun; building a future little by little not all in one day
stop trying so hard and sit back and observe and enjoy - listen rather than react
treat yourself - shopping or better yet, yoga or meditation - good for the head
@jeane nailed it - you are off and it's best if you just try to chill - life is routine and excursions for fun; building a future little by little not all in one day
Haha some things you mentioned made me chuckle as they are exactly what happens in my own relationship
Good to read there's been some sort of emotional release and relief now.
Its funny how while in the midst of mini-arguments we can forget how just being a little nice to your partner can clear up most of the bad air
Good to read there's been some sort of emotional release and relief now.
Its funny how while in the midst of mini-arguments we can forget how just being a little nice to your partner can clear up most of the bad air
Posted by tctaap
space - sometimes we need a bit more space to get our heads together
stop trying so hard and sit back and observe and enjoy - listen rather than react
treat yourself - shopping or better yet, yoga or meditation - good for the head
@jeane nailed it - you are off and it's best if you just try to chill - life is routine and excursions for fun; building a future little by little not all in one day
Yea, ive alwaya been nad worh spacw aincw it makes me anxious. But this is one od the many things im working on.
Belive it or not, me only seeing him 5 days a week is growth for me.
Im use to being with my partner 7 days a week.
I keep saying i wanna get back into yoga and my art. I have a habot of pittong those things on the backburner. Again something im actively working on. I know i cant just change over night.
I joined a healing workshop with a bunch of great women and we hold space for one another and this has helped me greatly.
Im working on it all.
Thanks for the advice.
Posted by Boots1313Posted by tctaap
space - sometimes we need a bit more space to get our heads together
stop trying so hard and sit back and observe and enjoy - listen rather than react
treat yourself - shopping or better yet, yoga or meditation - good for the head
@jeane nailed it - you are off and it's best if you just try to chill - life is routine and excursions for fun; building a future little by little not all in one day
Yea, ive alwaya been nad worh spacw aincw it makes me anxious. But this is one od the many things im working on.
Belive it or not, me only seeing him 5 days a week is growth for me.
Im use to being with my partner 7 days a week.
I keep saying i wanna get back into yoga and my art. I have a habot of pittong those things on the backburner. Again something im actively working on. I know i cant just change over night.
I joined a healing workshop with a bunch of great women and we hold space for one another and this has helped me greatly.
Im working on it all.
Thanks for the advice.click to expand
hang in there; it seems you are moving in the right direction; I know I exhaust myself taking care of my SO and not paying attention to my needs (this is big with Taurus I think) - work toward more of a balance of your needs and the need to be togther
Posted by AgentP911Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by jeane
hmm, what are you really upset about?
you're not fighting over the bed. something has upset you and even though you thought you let it go, you haven't. what is it?
THIS
There's often, if not always underlying anger about something completely unrelated, something he did or a trait of his that is working on your nerves, which becomes impossible to ignore seeing as you live together. This is just how it comes out, bit by bit until there's a big blow up. Unless you dig deep and come clean about it?
We dont live together, but we see eachother 5xs a week. With 2 to 3 nights of sleepovers.
I really dont know what bothers me about him though?!
He actually always keeps his apartment clean. He just brought a new vacuum and is obsessed with it. Hes very independent.
The one thing he asked of me was whwn i leave in the morning (2 hrs after him) if i could make the bed. Which isn't an issue.
do you worry you're not good enough? that he will eventually see through you?
Lately I have been thinking
"what does he see in me"
I havent expressed that to him.
And I have no real reason to think that way or be insecure.
He is still affectionate, and we still talk and are intimate.
Im still dealing with past relationship baggage.and the fact ive been left when i thought everything was going good.
Shouldn't past relationship baggage be dealt with before starting a new relationship? This kind of thing is what happens when people jump right in just because the water is warm. Been there, done that, it's not healthy.
Anyway, perhaps it's the issue that, while in a relationship or in this relationship, all is well... But then you start the process of thinking all is not well, what if it all ends tomorrow, what does he really see in me, why is he with me, he's going to leave me... And then this thinking and behaviour pattern just starts to fuck it up.
It's not helpful. He's with you because he wants to be with you. Are you saying this man doesn't know his own mind and heart— Are you saying you're with a man who doesn't know their own mind and heart— No, I doubt it. He probably know his own mind very well yet it is not enough assurance for you. What is enough?
You both spend a lot of time together. Is it quality time or just habit? Is it possible to give each other a little more space and do something else for one day a week?
Your digs and remarks aren't helpful but I think the bigger issues are as you mentioned. You dont seem happy with yourself at all. You're miserable in your job. You want to move in and he hasn't asked you. When you were dating, was his longer term goal and vision to date with a view to have a committed relationship where he'd live with his girlfriend and potentially be open to marriage and having a family? Or was this not discussed in the dating process?click to expand
Yes im aware that im Self-sabotaging. But sometimes I dont relaize until after the fact.
Believe it or not i have made great strides in the last year working on myself. But we all have our set backs. Its a marathon, not a race.
Im putting in my notice at work on july 1st. O dont have anything lines up, but im not worried about that at the moment. I have 2 months to figure it out. So i am making changes in that regard.
I havw set goals and made promises to myself to work on me and my hobbies and to give more space...healthy space in my relationship.
In regards to if we discussed marriage kids, moving in etc. Yes that was all laid on the table first date. I wasnt goong to get myself into a dead end relationship again. And our future plans aligned.
They still do. I kiat nees to be patient. Taurus and $ you know. He wants to buy a house and have a small mortage on it. The more money he can put down the better.
Im in his plans, he mentions it all the time.
Idk what my disconnect is.
The way you describe your behaviour reminds me of a Taurus with Venus in Gem I dated years ago
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
The way you describe your behaviour reminds me of a Taurus with Venus in Gem I dated years ago
Hi 👋
Venus in gem here lol.
He is too, my bf.
And how so?
Posted by Phantom_LimboPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by Phantom_LimboPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by SlamminV
Every time you get up, cup of coffee, back rub and some hot sex.
Sounds like a recipe for the runs while balls deep
What a lovely mental image.
Yw
I even giffed it in my mind. Poop fountain.click to expand
Posted by tiziani
everything you've described sounds fairly natural.
I've not gotten the impression you two have big problems in all the time you've shared about your relationship together.
Usually the threads here are about people with compatibility issues but I never got incompatibility vibes here.
Thank you. Glad you can see that as a stranger looking in. And you have given me reaaaurance.
Posted by Boots1313Posted by AgentP911Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by jeane
hmm, what are you really upset about?
you're not fighting over the bed. something has upset you and even though you thought you let it go, you haven't. what is it?
THIS
There's often, if not always underlying anger about something completely unrelated, something he did or a trait of his that is working on your nerves, which becomes impossible to ignore seeing as you live together. This is just how it comes out, bit by bit until there's a big blow up. Unless you dig deep and come clean about it?
We dont live together, but we see eachother 5xs a week. With 2 to 3 nights of sleepovers.
I really dont know what bothers me about him though?!
He actually always keeps his apartment clean. He just brought a new vacuum and is obsessed with it. Hes very independent.
The one thing he asked of me was whwn i leave in the morning (2 hrs after him) if i could make the bed. Which isn't an issue.
do you worry you're not good enough? that he will eventually see through you?
Lately I have been thinking
"what does he see in me"
I havent expressed that to him.
And I have no real reason to think that way or be insecure.
He is still affectionate, and we still talk and are intimate.
Im still dealing with past relationship baggage.and the fact ive been left when i thought everything was going good.
Shouldn't past relationship baggage be dealt with before starting a new relationship? This kind of thing is what happens when people jump right in just because the water is warm. Been there, done that, it's not healthy.
Anyway, perhaps it's the issue that, while in a relationship or in this relationship, all is well... But then you start the process of thinking all is not well, what if it all ends tomorrow, what does he really see in me, why is he with me, he's going to leave me... And then this thinking and behaviour pattern just starts to fuck it up.
It's not helpful. He's with you because he wants to be with you. Are you saying this man doesn't know his own mind and heart— Are you saying you're with a man who doesn't know their own mind and heart— No, I doubt it. He probably know his own mind very well yet it is not enough assurance for you. What is enough?
You both spend a lot of time together. Is it quality time or just habit? Is it possible to give each other a little more space and do something else for one day a week?
Your digs and remarks aren't helpful but I think the bigger issues are as you mentioned. You dont seem happy with yourself at all. You're miserable in your job. You want to move in and he hasn't asked you. When you were dating, was his longer term goal and vision to date with a view to have a committed relationship where he'd live with his girlfriend and potentially be open to marriage and having a family? Or was this not discussed in the dating process?
Yes im aware that im Self-sabotaging. But sometimes I dont relaize until after the fact.
Believe it or not i have made great strides in the last year working on myself. But we all have our set backs. Its a marathon, not a race.
Im putting in my notice at work on july 1st. O dont have anything lines up, but im not worried about that at the moment. I have 2 months to figure it out. So i am making changes in that regard.
I havw set goals and made promises to myself to work on me and my hobbies and to give more space...healthy space in my relationship.
In regards to if we discussed marriage kids, moving in etc. Yes that was all laid on the table first date. I wasnt goong to get myself into a dead end relationship again. And our future plans aligned.
They still do. I kiat nees to be patient. Taurus and $ you know. He wants to buy a house and have a small mortage on it. The more money he can put down the better.
Im in his plans, he mentions it all the time.
Idk what my disconnect is.click to expand
I don't know what your disconnect is but maybe it's a general thing where people simply don't know how to be fulfilled with their life anymore. There's so much stuff we aim for and we strive for the picture perfect relationship or situation or life that we just cannot see past it. I don't know if it's a recent ish thing especially with social media or a generation thing or a society thing. I think people strive for happiness but they cannot define what actually makes them happy therefore they cannot really achieve this happy status.
I think a change of job may be helpful. People spend such a large portion of their time working that it really can take its toll whether its a long commute, unpleasant boss or environment or even the job itself.
I also think some people have less coping mechanisms and take less responsibility for their own shit these days. Good that you're able to identify some of the things you think aren't working and making improvements. It is important.
Maybe, just maybe, there isn't really a problem here!!
You did kind of poke the bull when you said if you didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. Maybe it's you flipping out sideways remarks and he's reacting to them. It can get like this with me n my Taurus when we're on the phone (we're long distance) if I don't watch it. There's a line between being funny/teasing and funny/jabbing. Try adding more honey to your convo and less vinegar.
When me n mine get carried away with the vinegar, I reel it back in and say things like "hey sexy man" or compliment him in some way and it seems to turn the boat around.
I have a feeling you just need to back off the jabs.
When me n mine get carried away with the vinegar, I reel it back in and say things like "hey sexy man" or compliment him in some way and it seems to turn the boat around.
I have a feeling you just need to back off the jabs.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Boots1313Posted by AgentP911Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by jeane
hmm, what are you really upset about?
you're not fighting over the bed. something has upset you and even though you thought you let it go, you haven't. what is it?
THIS
There's often, if not always underlying anger about something completely unrelated, something he did or a trait of his that is working on your nerves, which becomes impossible to ignore seeing as you live together. This is just how it comes out, bit by bit until there's a big blow up. Unless you dig deep and come clean about it?
We dont live together, but we see eachother 5xs a week. With 2 to 3 nights of sleepovers.
I really dont know what bothers me about him though?!
He actually always keeps his apartment clean. He just brought a new vacuum and is obsessed with it. Hes very independent.
The one thing he asked of me was whwn i leave in the morning (2 hrs after him) if i could make the bed. Which isn't an issue.
do you worry you're not good enough? that he will eventually see through you?
Lately I have been thinking
"what does he see in me"
I havent expressed that to him.
And I have no real reason to think that way or be insecure.
He is still affectionate, and we still talk and are intimate.
Im still dealing with past relationship baggage.and the fact ive been left when i thought everything was going good.
Shouldn't past relationship baggage be dealt with before starting a new relationship? This kind of thing is what happens when people jump right in just because the water is warm. Been there, done that, it's not healthy.
Anyway, perhaps it's the issue that, while in a relationship or in this relationship, all is well... But then you start the process of thinking all is not well, what if it all ends tomorrow, what does he really see in me, why is he with me, he's going to leave me... And then this thinking and behaviour pattern just starts to fuck it up.
It's not helpful. He's with you because he wants to be with you. Are you saying this man doesn't know his own mind and heart— Are you saying you're with a man who doesn't know their own mind and heart— No, I doubt it. He probably know his own mind very well yet it is not enough assurance for you. What is enough?
You both spend a lot of time together. Is it quality time or just habit? Is it possible to give each other a little more space and do something else for one day a week?
Your digs and remarks aren't helpful but I think the bigger issues are as you mentioned. You dont seem happy with yourself at all. You're miserable in your job. You want to move in and he hasn't asked you. When you were dating, was his longer term goal and vision to date with a view to have a committed relationship where he'd live with his girlfriend and potentially be open to marriage and having a family? Or was this not discussed in the dating process?
Yes im aware that im Self-sabotaging. But sometimes I dont relaize until after the fact.
Believe it or not i have made great strides in the last year working on myself. But we all have our set backs. Its a marathon, not a race.
Im putting in my notice at work on july 1st. O dont have anything lines up, but im not worried about that at the moment. I have 2 months to figure it out. So i am making changes in that regard.
I havw set goals and made promises to myself to work on me and my hobbies and to give more space...healthy space in my relationship.
In regards to if we discussed marriage kids, moving in etc. Yes that was all laid on the table first date. I wasnt goong to get myself into a dead end relationship again. And our future plans aligned.
They still do. I kiat nees to be patient. Taurus and $ you know. He wants to buy a house and have a small mortage on it. The more money he can put down the better.
Im in his plans, he mentions it all the time.
Idk what my disconnect is.
could it be boredom?
that's when I start the dramaclick to expand
Nah, i dont bore easily.
Im boring AF
Posted by Black-Mamba
I feel SUFFOCATED reading this
do you guys not live your own lives at all? It just seems like work and togetherness.
i am going to breath the oxygen that's missing in this relationship
Lol, yes, usually being in a relationship is togetherness.
Idk how people only see eachother 2 days a week.
My only goal in life is to be a mother/ housewife. I know CRAZY in the 21st century, but im more traditional .
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Boots1313Posted by Black-Mamba
I feel SUFFOCATED reading this
do you guys not live your own lives at all? It just seems like work and togetherness.
i am going to breath the oxygen that's missing in this relationship
Lol, yes, usually being in a relationship is togetherness.
Idk how people only see eachother 2 days a week.
My only goal in life is to be a mother/ housewife. I know CRAZY in the 21st century, but im more traditional .
I envy your ability to connect in such a deep and meaningful level
i guess i can do it too, but it'll be a force really
i need spaceclick to expand
We're all different people.
2 days away is enough for me.
He gets home from work at 2pm...he has 5 hours to play his piano, guitar, video games, handball...before i come over.
It works for us.
Posted by Boots1313
So just a quick little update, and I'll get back to responding to some of the other great advice that was given.
I went over to my mates place last night to watch the NBA draft. By the time it actually starts, he's already been up for about 14 hours and hes exhausted.( I work late Thursday nights and usually i wouldn't even go to his place, but we wanted to watch the draft togther since were both into basketball)
I pickes up food for us and we settled in. Were just eating and talking and he says without any sort of prodding "I like this flow were in right now. It feels so natural"
*Why do i get so worked up and worried over nothing?! Its like @jeane and @agentp said, we focus on what we sont have, instead of what we do. He is an amazing partner. *
To continue, we have an inside joke amongst him and I called the "final equation " this is essentially, the belly is full, his heart is full and other parts of his body are empty, ao he does a big strench and bam...hes out like a light.
So again light hearted i say "and now it's time for z and his resty 😊" and (i say it in a disgusting high pitched sort of valley girl voice that y'all would puke over. It's one of our "voices" were both weird people. And he thinks its cute) but he got upset & said "BABE, IM TIRED I WORKED . DONT MAKE FUN OF ME"
So now of course, we have to get into a conversation about what this whole thread is about. (Terrible timing). I say "babe, im not making din of you. I know you work hard and you get up super early. I i understand you are tired. Im not upset you are tired, I completely undertsand. Im not making fun of you. i would love to understand why it bothers you and why some words I've been saying lately have been so criticizing to you?" "Im just trying to make you laugh at one of OUR jokes" he responded "they were cute at first, but now they have lost their humor. Im tired, do you really want to get into this now?"
I said "no"
Him: "can i sleep now?"
Me: "yeah babe"
Him: "love you"
*10 minutes later*
"Im sorry ive been working alot and haven't been giving us quality time, but i appreciate wverything you do for me and I love you just being here.
Me: "im very content just being here worh you. Go to bed" kiss.
Then i went home.
He sent me the aong kissed by a rose this morning. Inside joke also.
Prob tmi, but idc
give it a few days. he's probably feeling a bit defensive and triggered. he'll probably want to feel like not every conversation is going to end in confrontation and disagreement.
now you've stopped sniping, i predict things will go back to how they were in a relatively short space of time.
Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313
So just a quick little update, and I'll get back to responding to some of the other great advice that was given.
I went over to my mates place last night to watch the NBA draft. By the time it actually starts, he's already been up for about 14 hours and hes exhausted.( I work late Thursday nights and usually i wouldn't even go to his place, but we wanted to watch the draft togther since were both into basketball)
I pickes up food for us and we settled in. Were just eating and talking and he says without any sort of prodding "I like this flow were in right now. It feels so natural"
*Why do i get so worked up and worried over nothing?! Its like @jeane and @agentp said, we focus on what we sont have, instead of what we do. He is an amazing partner. *
To continue, we have an inside joke amongst him and I called the "final equation " this is essentially, the belly is full, his heart is full and other parts of his body are empty, ao he does a big strench and bam...hes out like a light.
So again light hearted i say "and now it's time for z and his resty 😊" and (i say it in a disgusting high pitched sort of valley girl voice that y'all would puke over. It's one of our "voices" were both weird people. And he thinks its cute) but he got upset & said "BABE, IM TIRED I WORKED . DONT MAKE FUN OF ME"
So now of course, we have to get into a conversation about what this whole thread is about. (Terrible timing). I say "babe, im not making din of you. I know you work hard and you get up super early. I i understand you are tired. Im not upset you are tired, I completely undertsand. Im not making fun of you. i would love to understand why it bothers you and why some words I've been saying lately have been so criticizing to you?" "Im just trying to make you laugh at one of OUR jokes" he responded "they were cute at first, but now they have lost their humor. Im tired, do you really want to get into this now?"
I said "no"
Him: "can i sleep now?"
Me: "yeah babe"
Him: "love you"
*10 minutes later*
"Im sorry ive been working alot and haven't been giving us quality time, but i appreciate wverything you do for me and I love you just being here.
Me: "im very content just being here worh you. Go to bed" kiss.
Then i went home.
He sent me the aong kissed by a rose this morning. Inside joke also.
Prob tmi, but idc
give it a few days. he's probably feeling a bit defensive and triggered. he'll probably want to feel like not every conversation is going to end in confrontation and disagreement.
now you've stopped sniping, i predict things will go back to how they were in a relatively short space of time.click to expand
Yes, I agree with this.
I don't see an unresolved problem here.
I see a resolved problem.
You joked.
He got defensive.
You brought up the issue albeit not great timing as you knew he was tired.
He explained why he snaps (jokes don't seem as funny when tired) and then said he was tired.
He reflected (rather quickly for a Taurus!)
He apologised for his snapping AND offered you the reason he hasn't been happy which is working a lot = less quality time = man who feels he is letting you down = man unhappy with himself= unhappy woman
He cares more than you think.
Posted by Boots1313Posted by tctaap
space - sometimes we need a bit more space to get our heads together
stop trying so hard and sit back and observe and enjoy - listen rather than react
treat yourself - shopping or better yet, yoga or meditation - good for the head
@jeane nailed it - you are off and it's best if you just try to chill - life is routine and excursions for fun; building a future little by little not all in one day
Yea, ive alwaya been nad worh spacw aincw it makes me anxious. But this is one od the many things im working on.
Belive it or not, me only seeing him 5 days a week is growth for me.
Im use to being with my partner 7 days a week.
I keep saying i wanna get back into yoga and my art. I have a habot of pittong those things on the backburner. Again something im actively working on. I know i cant just change over night.
I joined a healing workshop with a bunch of great women and we hold space for one another and this has helped me greatly.
Im working on it all.
Thanks for the advice.click to expand
This, here, is important.
My take on your situation from what you've described is that you may like, want to or be used to being with your partner seven days a week but you're not actually living with your current boyfriend despite wanting to and acting as if you do. This may have been scaled down to five days for you but I think you are still acting as if you are living together without actually and officially living together. You're getting the two scenarios confused. You want to live with him but are not so the closest thing is to spend as much time there or with him. It has become a habit.
However, this is at the cost to yourself. In one of my previous posts I suggested to bring it down another day or so a week. Have time for you. In your post here you say you'd like to go back to yoga and art things. Good. So you should. It's admirable you dedicate so much time to your boyfriend but it is at the cost and to the detriment of yourself. What else, as a person, do you bring to the table? If yoga and arts make you more fulfilled then by all means dedicate time to it. Then spend three to four days/nights with your boyfriend where you'll be more refreshed, he will be more refreshed, and you will both have a better chance at having quality time together. This will help to make you happier, in my opinion.
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