DirgoGal
@DirgoGal
11 Years
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Aquarius Men and the Friend Zone
Because when men have buddies that are female, they like flirting becuase they know its safe to do so...or they think it is.
But then the flirting stopped and all the big feelings came out. So what's with that. Big feelings are not usually an Aquarius thing I thought.
Plus this wasn't just flirting. This was "come visit and I'll make you fall in love with me and you'll never leave."
Aquas are known for flirting. That's flirting to them.
So why stop that but intensify the feelings side of things? My poor libra ego is so bruised.
I want to understand this as well....
He might be on the fence - not about you - about his feelings. Please don't interpret that as something
horrible, or negative because it isn't.
We Aquas go through periods of time where our emotional well is full, then it spills over...
When this happens, it's like a glitch in our matrix so-to-speak (read as: an over-whelming feeling overload)
and we sort of, shut down emotionally. We turn it down a notch because that over-whelming sensation can be
hard for us to deal with.
Analogy: You have a weak heart. You go crazy hard doing cardio...then you go "Ummm better slow down before my hearts gives out..." And you go rest (aqua break)...Until your coach comes over and says, "hey, your heart isn't THAT weak, if it were, you'd be dead already lol"
Sooooo...What we need? Reassurance. AND your Libra BALANCE.
In my opinion, you really, really got to him, in the best way possible...He's just trying to internalize and process it all.
Just play it cool and reassure him that everything is fine just the way it is. Add some flirting and banter and throw in a side of playfulness. If you have to, play a little hard to get...that will get him out of processing his feelings, and get him into processing the next encounter he wants to have with you.
Best of luck.
horrible, or negative because it isn't.
We Aquas go through periods of time where our emotional well is full, then it spills over...
When this happens, it's like a glitch in our matrix so-to-speak (read as: an over-whelming feeling overload)
and we sort of, shut down emotionally. We turn it down a notch because that over-whelming sensation can be
hard for us to deal with.
Analogy: You have a weak heart. You go crazy hard doing cardio...then you go "Ummm better slow down before my hearts gives out..." And you go rest (aqua break)...Until your coach comes over and says, "hey, your heart isn't THAT weak, if it were, you'd be dead already lol"
Sooooo...What we need? Reassurance. AND your Libra BALANCE.
In my opinion, you really, really got to him, in the best way possible...He's just trying to internalize and process it all.
Just play it cool and reassure him that everything is fine just the way it is. Add some flirting and banter and throw in a side of playfulness. If you have to, play a little hard to get...that will get him out of processing his feelings, and get him into processing the next encounter he wants to have with you.
Best of luck.
^thanks for that! So helpful!
^ Awesome, glad I could help
I loved how @tjrega put it! I ditto that. In my experience with Aquas, they love to have that "friends" type of relationship with their significant other. Like I had a friend who was an aqua in college who was no pda, kept a low dating profile all the time, but he really really cared about the gf that he had... He just protected his feelings a lot by not going overboard or "spilling over" like @tjresa put it. Aquas love hard!
Ok well then what do we make of him talking to me about another girl (who is really just a distraction, I know)? Is he trying to see if I'll get jealous and stage a nutty?
Haha. Because I totally did but now he's focusing on the friend thing. Love, plenty of it, but friendship. And dangling this other gal in front of me. I dunno.
What's the difference between fake flirting and them not wanting to be over the top with their feelings for someone.
Sometimes its hard to tell.
Sometimes its hard to tell.
If he's not geographically accessible then I don't see what hope there is for this relationship. He might be more interested in your if you were geographically accessible. If that's not the case then I'm sorry to say he's just not that into you. You have this amazing friendship/connection so why wouldn't he want to explore more, just like you asked. Well it's because he's not feeling it like you are. Either way, I don't feel like this is going where you hope it is. It really sucks to be let down like this. I feel you but it's best not to be in contact with him if you're not doing the same thing-friendship. I don't think this is an aqua thing. I think it's a man thing and men will chase after what they want. You deserve someone whose really into you.
Well I am 3000 miles away. I have plans to move out there but nothing solid yet, no set schedule for it I mean. So that could be part of it. He does seek me out for chats and contact. He says he misses me and he wants me back out there.
I don't think it's a question of "he's just not that into you." I've had those situations before and this is very different. I don't usually have men who aren't into me tell me they love me every time we talk.
Anything else I can clarify?
I don't think it's a question of "he's just not that into you." I've had those situations before and this is very different. I don't usually have men who aren't into me tell me they love me every time we talk.
Anything else I can clarify?
A few things could be going on. A few things could be possible.
1. He's not that into you. Yes, you're an amazing woman & friend, BUT there's something about you OR about him that tells him that it's not smart, safe or worth going the romantic route with you. The "why" doesn't really matter when you consider that you may never know, nor would knowing actually change the big picture that he's not that into you.
2. He likes you but he likes someone else more than you. He may have a better connection with another woman. And if their connection trumps his with you by even 1% , then she'll win the battle of his heart & priority in the running to be in a relationship.
3. He's not in a space to give you what he knows you deserves. Just b/c a man isn't ready for commitment doesn't mean that he suddenly loses his sense of being able to recognize a good woman when she walks by. Even commitment-phobes get lonely & have days where they wish they had a companion, but if you notice, soon after, they go right back into their shell & vow the bachelor life the very next day. Whoever started the rumor that commitment-phobic men don't have the sporadic need for affection, sex, sweet talk, attention, & company/companionship lied!! lol Men, no matter the type, are still human!
4. He's into you but not so into you that he's willing to take a gamble & go for it with you...just yet
1. He's not that into you. Yes, you're an amazing woman & friend, BUT there's something about you OR about him that tells him that it's not smart, safe or worth going the romantic route with you. The "why" doesn't really matter when you consider that you may never know, nor would knowing actually change the big picture that he's not that into you.
2. He likes you but he likes someone else more than you. He may have a better connection with another woman. And if their connection trumps his with you by even 1% , then she'll win the battle of his heart & priority in the running to be in a relationship.
3. He's not in a space to give you what he knows you deserves. Just b/c a man isn't ready for commitment doesn't mean that he suddenly loses his sense of being able to recognize a good woman when she walks by. Even commitment-phobes get lonely & have days where they wish they had a companion, but if you notice, soon after, they go right back into their shell & vow the bachelor life the very next day. Whoever started the rumor that commitment-phobic men don't have the sporadic need for affection, sex, sweet talk, attention, & company/companionship lied!! lol Men, no matter the type, are still human!
4. He's into you but not so into you that he's willing to take a gamble & go for it with you...just yet
He can't read your mind. We can talk all day about how Aqua men test you out & fear rejection, but what are you so afraid of? Why won't you be the 1 to 'go first?' Why focus on why he hasn't spoken up, been clear in his feelings towards you & came after you, when you haven't done so either? Why sit here trying to rack your brain figuring out how he ticks & why he does/doesn't do certain things, when the real question is "Why won't you tell him how you really feel?"
I'm from the era where you go get what you want, and own what you want with confidence. If you want him, go get him. And if after you open up to him he still doesn't seem to want to take that route with you, then sure you can either be patient & 'wait' on this guy to MAYBE (keyword) come around OR you can refuse to put all of your emotional eggs in his basket & move on until he steps up to show you that the feelings are mutual.
But oh please don't you start that annoying process of suffering in silence, keeping your mouth shut & analyzing things to death. We can all guess what he's thinking or what the outcome will be, but hey if you just trusted your own instincts more, you'd see that 1 conversation with him about this will tell you all that you need to know. If he avoids the topic, then hey he's either not that into you and doesn't want to officially reject you & hurt your feelings...OR...he is into you but isn't emotionally mature enough to go after what he wants. Either isn't really a good thing
And newsflash, don't start letting people convince you that certain things oughta be acceptable just b/c that person is an "Aqua" lol F***ck astrology if it gets in the way of you being true to yourself. If you want something, go get it. Communicate what you want & have the confidence to sit back & see if he reciprocates. And if you don't like something, speak up b/c you teach people how to treat you. This guy talks to you about other women b/c you allow him to.
I'm from the era where you go get what you want, and own what you want with confidence. If you want him, go get him. And if after you open up to him he still doesn't seem to want to take that route with you, then sure you can either be patient & 'wait' on this guy to MAYBE (keyword) come around OR you can refuse to put all of your emotional eggs in his basket & move on until he steps up to show you that the feelings are mutual.
But oh please don't you start that annoying process of suffering in silence, keeping your mouth shut & analyzing things to death. We can all guess what he's thinking or what the outcome will be, but hey if you just trusted your own instincts more, you'd see that 1 conversation with him about this will tell you all that you need to know. If he avoids the topic, then hey he's either not that into you and doesn't want to officially reject you & hurt your feelings...OR...he is into you but isn't emotionally mature enough to go after what he wants. Either isn't really a good thing
And newsflash, don't start letting people convince you that certain things oughta be acceptable just b/c that person is an "Aqua" lol F***ck astrology if it gets in the way of you being true to yourself. If you want something, go get it. Communicate what you want & have the confidence to sit back & see if he reciprocates. And if you don't like something, speak up b/c you teach people how to treat you. This guy talks to you about other women b/c you allow him to.
Posted by krysrenee7
He can't read your mind. We can talk all day about how Aqua men test you out & fear rejection, but what are you so afraid of? Why won't you be the 1 to 'go first?' Why focus on why he hasn't spoken up, been clear in his feelings towards you & came after you, when you haven't done so either? Why sit here trying to rack your brain figuring out how he ticks & why he does/doesn't do certain things, when the real question is "Why won't you tell him how you really feel?"
I'm from the era where you go get what you want, and own what you want with confidence. If you want him, go get him. And if after you open up to him he still doesn't seem to want to take that route with you, then sure you can either be patient & 'wait' on this guy to MAYBE (keyword) come around OR you can refuse to put all of your emotional eggs in his basket & move on until he steps up to show you that the feelings are mutual.
But oh please don't you start that annoying process of suffering in silence, keeping your mouth shut & analyzing things to death. We can all guess what he's thinking or what the outcome will be, but hey if you just trusted your own instincts more, you'd see that 1 conversation with him about this will tell you all that you need to know. If he avoids the topic, then hey he's either not that into you and doesn't want to officially reject you & hurt your feelings...OR...he is into you but isn't emotionally mature enough to go after what he wants. Either isn't really a good thing
And newsflash, don't start letting people convince you that certain things oughta be acceptable just b/c that person is an "Aqua" lol F***ck astrology if it gets in the way of you being true to yourself. If you want something, go get it. Communicate what you want & have the confidence to sit back & see if he reciprocates. And if you don't like something, speak up b/c you teach people how to treat you. This guy talks to you about other women b/c you allow him to.
+1
"Haha. Because I totally did but now he's focusing on the friend thing. Love, plenty of it, but friendship. And dangling this other gal in front of me. I dunno."
Honestly, he may not be dangling her in front of you - they might be just "friends" - for real.
If anyone can have "JUST" a friend, it's an Aquarius. Let's put it this way:
Biz Markie wasn't talking to Aquarians in his "Just a Friend" smash-hit. But...maybe...lol
If you really want to know, just ask...There's absolutely nothing wrong with being direct.
"Hey buddy, I think you know that I'm attracted to you and I really like our vibe, but what about this other woman? Do you have any feelings towards her, because if you do, I don't want to ruffle any feathers or stand in the way. I'm not possessive, but when it comes to my heart, I am, and I don't want it to get broken..."
And then, simply leave it at that.
Being an aqua - if anyone woman I was interested in said this to me in a similar situation, this is what I'd want to hear - just enough to make your point but in a friendly, subtle way that isn't gushing with too much emotion or pressure.
It's a nice "balance" and for a libra, well...
Lets put it this way, even if he LIKES this other woman, you're a libra...you're built for us. Advantage 1.
Always be the best option. Advantage 2.
That's a perfect combo. Advantage 3.
Honestly, he may not be dangling her in front of you - they might be just "friends" - for real.
If anyone can have "JUST" a friend, it's an Aquarius. Let's put it this way:
Biz Markie wasn't talking to Aquarians in his "Just a Friend" smash-hit. But...maybe...lol
If you really want to know, just ask...There's absolutely nothing wrong with being direct.
"Hey buddy, I think you know that I'm attracted to you and I really like our vibe, but what about this other woman? Do you have any feelings towards her, because if you do, I don't want to ruffle any feathers or stand in the way. I'm not possessive, but when it comes to my heart, I am, and I don't want it to get broken..."
And then, simply leave it at that.
Being an aqua - if anyone woman I was interested in said this to me in a similar situation, this is what I'd want to hear - just enough to make your point but in a friendly, subtle way that isn't gushing with too much emotion or pressure.
It's a nice "balance" and for a libra, well...
Lets put it this way, even if he LIKES this other woman, you're a libra...you're built for us. Advantage 1.
Always be the best option. Advantage 2.
That's a perfect combo. Advantage 3.
^ thanks that is very clear advice. I appreciate it.
Posted by tjrega
"Haha. Because I totally did but now he's focusing on the friend thing. Love, plenty of it, but friendship. And dangling this other gal in front of me. I dunno."
Honestly, he may not be dangling her in front of you - they might be just "friends" - for real.
If anyone can have "JUST" a friend, it's an Aquarius. Let's put it this way:
Biz Markie wasn't talking to Aquarians in his "Just a Friend" smash-hit. But...maybe...lol
If you really want to know, just ask...There's absolutely nothing wrong with being direct.
"Hey buddy, I think you know that I'm attracted to you and I really like our vibe, but what about this other woman? Do you have any feelings towards her, because if you do, I don't want to ruffle any feathers or stand in the way. I'm not possessive, but when it comes to my heart, I am, and I don't want it to get broken..."
And then, simply leave it at that.
Being an aqua - if anyone woman I was interested in said this to me in a similar situation, this is what I'd want to hear - just enough to make your point but in a friendly, subtle way that isn't gushing with too much emotion or pressure.
It's a nice "balance" and for a libra, well...
Lets put it this way, even if he LIKES this other woman, you're a libra...you're built for us. Advantage 1.
Always be the best option. Advantage 2.
That's a perfect combo. Advantage 3.
Well now he's just retreated and gone silent for a few days. Clearly the other night when he was so animated in telling me repeatedly that he loved me unconditionally, he may feel now that he over shared. I'm just letting him be with the one or two (over 72hrs) messages of "hope you're having a good day!" Or something similar. Thoughts Aquas? Do y'all get freaked when the emotions fly free?
I only just read the first post. I'll ask you why can't you just be a friend? Can a guy not show a girl that he cares about her without ever evoking any kind of 'romantic' feelings.
And what really are you hoping for? Have you really read what you've written in this thread so far? It astounds me that there are so many aqua men threads and there is such a simple solution.
Either do what you said and just go and be with him or you don't. We're not going to be asking ourselves (at least not me) what's going on in your brain right now, I care about what's in my brain and sometimes I won't talk to whoever for 3 days even if they mean the world to me. Some of us just aren't that clingy.
You are frustrating yourself for and the only reason is because he's not responding in the manner you want. This has nothing to do with him but your own perception of it, and how you're dealing with it (or apparently NOT dealing with it).
And what really are you hoping for? Have you really read what you've written in this thread so far? It astounds me that there are so many aqua men threads and there is such a simple solution.
Either do what you said and just go and be with him or you don't. We're not going to be asking ourselves (at least not me) what's going on in your brain right now, I care about what's in my brain and sometimes I won't talk to whoever for 3 days even if they mean the world to me. Some of us just aren't that clingy.
You are frustrating yourself for and the only reason is because he's not responding in the manner you want. This has nothing to do with him but your own perception of it, and how you're dealing with it (or apparently NOT dealing with it).
^^^^
That's the thing. As aquas, it's easy for *US* to become detached. It's just as easy for us to spill our guts and then get a sudden sense of "buyer's remorse" and shut-down emotionally - even if it's just temporary. Problem is, that type of behavior can be interpreted in many different ways, and perceived as being wishy-washy, cold, aloof and just "airy". Obviously.
We are the sign that's most known for being flighty and contradictory. Those are two traits that a lot of signs are not used to.
Imagine liking someone who, one day spills their guts and says I love you, only the next day to have them distance themselves, avoid some forms of contact and act completely different. Many of us do this shit, and for women it's intriguing at first, and appears to be a challenge, but eventually it becomes exhausting and tiresome.
It's the responsibility of both people in a relationship to come to terms with each other, not for her to abide by his sun sign quirkiness. He has a responsibility to reciprocate and meet her half-way, other wise she'll be
playing a subtle game of chase while trying to control her emotions, which unlike her man, won't be easy and will leave her questioning her every move.
I'm pretty sure the OP is just trying to make sense of a complicated sign when it it comes to love and inter-personal relationships.
Sorry but your post is just a typical "take it or leave it, you don't get it" type of post with no real, practical or applicable solution.
That's the thing. As aquas, it's easy for *US* to become detached. It's just as easy for us to spill our guts and then get a sudden sense of "buyer's remorse" and shut-down emotionally - even if it's just temporary. Problem is, that type of behavior can be interpreted in many different ways, and perceived as being wishy-washy, cold, aloof and just "airy". Obviously.
We are the sign that's most known for being flighty and contradictory. Those are two traits that a lot of signs are not used to.
Imagine liking someone who, one day spills their guts and says I love you, only the next day to have them distance themselves, avoid some forms of contact and act completely different. Many of us do this shit, and for women it's intriguing at first, and appears to be a challenge, but eventually it becomes exhausting and tiresome.
It's the responsibility of both people in a relationship to come to terms with each other, not for her to abide by his sun sign quirkiness. He has a responsibility to reciprocate and meet her half-way, other wise she'll be
playing a subtle game of chase while trying to control her emotions, which unlike her man, won't be easy and will leave her questioning her every move.
I'm pretty sure the OP is just trying to make sense of a complicated sign when it it comes to love and inter-personal relationships.
Sorry but your post is just a typical "take it or leave it, you don't get it" type of post with no real, practical or applicable solution.
So for those who don't understand Libras, we have to have all the information to make a decision. We are notorious for waiting and waiting to act, all the while weighing everything. Decisions stress us out.
That being said, I have major feelings for this guy. And I am confused by what I feel like are mixed messages from him. I feel like for a man over the age of 30, who has been married before, to say "I love you" over and over again to a woman with whom he has also flirted, without knowing the effect it might have or the message it would possibly carry. I can't just jump into being direct for a few reasons. One, I am still 3,000 miles away for another 6-8weeks. Two, I don't know what I'm getting from him as far as messages besides some very intense feelings. And finally, I'm a human who
Is naturally nervous about putting myself out there.
So I'm just trying to get some input as to whether other Aquas think he's just being emotive to a friend or actually expressing some deep and beyond-friendship feelings to me. That's all.
That being said, I have major feelings for this guy. And I am confused by what I feel like are mixed messages from him. I feel like for a man over the age of 30, who has been married before, to say "I love you" over and over again to a woman with whom he has also flirted, without knowing the effect it might have or the message it would possibly carry. I can't just jump into being direct for a few reasons. One, I am still 3,000 miles away for another 6-8weeks. Two, I don't know what I'm getting from him as far as messages besides some very intense feelings. And finally, I'm a human who
Is naturally nervous about putting myself out there.
So I'm just trying to get some input as to whether other Aquas think he's just being emotive to a friend or actually expressing some deep and beyond-friendship feelings to me. That's all.
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