I don't understand whats going on with him?!!?!?

I have an aqua friend who I have known for a long time. While I have learned and understand that Aquarius individuals have certain traits that most are confused by, hate, or etc. there is one thing I still haven't really quite understood is the dynamic of our friendship and the role I fit into his life. While I agree we're friends and is always nice, friendly and cares about me, he somewhat treats it not as how it should be. All our other friends are treated like friends. But with me its like I'm in some other category and while its nice that I get treated better sometimes...while more often than not I get treated worse. Some examples:

1. He being an aqua will socialize with EVERYONE even people he hates like they are best friends. Any conversation he hears they are in, he'll join it quickly and goof off with them...any of my conversations he "eavesdrops" on mine but hardly ever joins my conversations but if he does, he'll take over the conversation and only talk to the other people but won't really talk/address me. Which makes me feel like the 3rd wheel.

2. He will joke and be silly and seek out everyone at some point but he barely seeks me out let alone jokes with me anymore.

3. He will at times at the drop of a hat help others, but doesn't offer anymore even when I'm visually struggling with something i.e. heavy box

4. He tells everyone else what's going in his life but rarely tells me anymore and if he did its brief statements but they get entire stories.


I don't get it anymore we used to have an amazing friendship and I don't think I did anything wrong.
I have tried to talk to him about it and I've never gotten a clear answer. I have even tried talking to mutual friends about it but it didn't really result in anything because its like they don't see where I get treated differently because they get treated well. The only thing they've really said was to be the example for him to follow.

So I have treated him the way I want to treat me again like I always initiate conversations, I try to include him in my conversations with others, I try to joke with him, sometimes I will offer to help him with something if he's struggling but I always try to be independent at the same time and balance things so I don't come across as clingy.

Which has helped things improve but I still get treated differently and I don't like it. Its like I don't even know what's going on in his life anymore, I just don't know how to approach him anym

only real gentleman ignore ppl with boxes

Two questions:

1. Does he have a girlfriend?
2. Did you two ever sleep together?

1. I don't know because like I said I don't know what's going on in his life anymore

2. No.

I've always adored him and it seemed like he was too, despite him being an aqua and they are silly and flirty with everyone but I don't know it was just certain things he would do/say to me that was different from all of our other friends so I assumed it was mutual and then boom stopped.

Posted by IAmMystified
1. I don't know because like I said I don't know what's going on in his life anymore

2. No.

I've always adored him and it seemed like he was too, despite him being an aqua and they are silly and flirty with everyone but I don't know it was just certain things he would do/say to me that was different from all of our other friends so I assumed it was mutual and then boom stopped.

I just wondered if he had a girlfriend now and she's the reason he isn't as friendly anymore in that he doesn't want to give her any doubt.

??

Just a thought.

Posted by BlackCanary
Sometimes when an Aquarius feels like you adore them "too much", they will separate themselves from you. That adoration can make them feel uncomfortable around you, especially if the feelings aren't mutual.

this ^

@BlackCanary The overall problem is, he went from being one of the greatest friends anyone could ever have to treating me like I didn't exist and he changed literally overnight. It just stopped. As it continued, the more upset I became. Which led to even more difficulty between us. He says I changed first, but I only got upset when he continued to be an ass and forget about me while he remained the same around others. Even when I told him this, nothing changed. So it wasn't me.

@TrueCap Even if he had someone or not, it shouldn't matter. I was a friend before like our other friends and he acts normal around them still. Plus if he had someone, I've never seen them around.

I even told him during this one conversation we had as we hadn't had a long/honest conversation in a while and we had the conversation because he was a dick and forgot to include me in something and I was upset and he noticed but instead of asking me about it he asked other friends if something bad had happened to me and they told him, gave him advice and told him he really needs to discuss the issue with me and resolve it and he said he would. But he never did but I ended up approaching him first.

Anyway during that conversation I had told him that I missed the way he used to be and that I didn't like who he was and that I literally hoped every day that maybe the old him would come back. He said that he was still the same person and asked how did he changed.

I was honest, I basically said he has let me down, he wasn't the same silly guy that used to talk to me for hours who went out of his way to tell me about stuff he was excited about. I told him I missed that part of him.

He didn't say anything and got quiet but it did improve things slightly.

I just want my friend back, the friend that everyone else still has.

I also want to add that he isn't a complete dick now its just the main things that bother me like I said:

- He doesn't tell me about what's going on with him like he used to

- He only talks to me about intellectual things, but isn't silly with me anymore but is with everyone else

- He doesn't hang out with me anymore and will only invite me if its a group thing but will hang out with everyone else alone sometimes

- Doesnt ask me what's going on with my life.


But he does he show cares randomly like at the wrong moments or when its a little too late and I'm already upset because he flaked on me yet again, or forgot to include me or I hear him sharing some news he's excited about to others but didn't even talk to me about it even if we were alone in the same room.

For Christmas, when we all were hanging out he arrived and gave chocolates to everyone and did the "Merry Xmas!" thing. I wasn't in the room at the time, but when I arrived I noticed the chocolates and I asked where they got it and they said who it was from (he was in the bathroom) but when he came back he didn't say anything to me, didn't say hi or nothing but he knew I was there. That had upset me. As time passed ...he gave me nothing.

At one point i stepped into another room for a good chunk of time because I got an important phone call. When i came back a long time later, next to my stuff I saw a tiny xmas tree all decorated with gift cards and ornaments as decorations. It must have cost him at least $ 80- $ 100 + far more expensive than his $ 12 box of chocolates he gave everyone else. I was both happy at such a sweet gift but at the same time I was pissed off becuase of how he gave it to me. He yet again couldn't just give it to me like a normal friend, like how he gave it to other people.

It wasnt because he didn't want to make people jealous becuase they all saw him give it to me. So its not like he was trying to secretly give it to me. But it just pissed me off that he waited 5 hours and he didn't give it me to my face.

Tha'ts what i'm talking about. Making me feel bad all the time.

@IrresistableScorp but he was conventional before! Besides let's just for the sake of argument, you are right in this case. Him "liking me" if that's what it is, makes me feel like he DOESNT like me.

Ignoring someone, or making them not feel a part of your world when you let others in....is not how you win someone over!

At any rate, I just don't know how to interact with him anymore, I want to be a part of his life again.

You have just answered you own question, in that you dont know how to interact with him anymore

How do you want to be a part of his life?

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by BlackCanary
Sometimes when an Aquarius feels like you adore them "too much", they will separate themselves from you. That adoration can make them feel uncomfortable around you, especially if the feelings aren't mutual.

this ^

click to expand

oh boy. ZING! JACKPOT!

I hate being adored. Don't give me attention. Ignore the hell out of me. And I will love you forever.
/pretty much in a nutshell. (My husband has figured me out long long before) But the feelings for him are very very MUTUAL so yeah, dammit!! *growls*

Guess you gotta realise that it may be far easier to ignore someone than it is to actually converse with them down the road, Goodluck with it all.

and oh.... if he doesn't feel anything for you. Just move on. It really has to be mutual.

All this ignoring stuff is more like, yeah okay, ignore me, good!!! thank god. finally!!

sorry just being honest. Not sure about other aquas. Everyone of us is different.

Nah get passed all the bullshit you will realise we are all the same

underneath whether you like to know that or not

Posted by IAmMystified
@BlackCanary The overall problem is, he went from being one of the greatest friends anyone could ever have to treating me like I didn't exist and he changed literally overnight. It just stopped. As it continued, the more upset I became. Which led to even more difficulty between us. He says I changed first, but I only got upset when he continued to be an ass and forget about me while he remained the same around others. Even when I told him this, nothing changed. So it wasn't me.

Do you remember what happened prior to the day he changed?

Off the top of my head I've done what you've described before and that's because some threshold was crossed but I've always made it known to the person. Sounds more delicate than that though. How long have you been friends for and how long ago did this start happening?

@IAmMystified

I think he grew out of the friendship. It happens... as time goes on, people get other interests or they get too busy, etc. He's continuing his journey through life and it seems you don't get to play a role in it.

Maybe it's not meant to be.

@mfwb55 It's hard to explain. It sucks that when I come up to him to start a conversation and he half listens but then when I ignore him like @lisabethur8 suggests, he gets all pissy and thinks I'm mad at him.

I'm walking on eggshells. It never used to be this hard just to be able to socialize with the man.

@aquanoz I don't know anymore, all I know is it literally happened overnight. The weird thing about him is, with our other friends if they are an ass to him or others, he doesn't care. But if I'm an ass, he gets upset about it. Like how I behave affects him more and yet he'll pay attention to other people more. Double standard. It's like anything nice he says about me, or if he thinks highly of me, he'll tell everyone else BUT me. But I need to hear those things, but he absolutely refuses to tell me anything about anything so I have to hear it through others.

@mindofaquarius he doesn't like clingy people either but there are plenty of friends who are super clingy with him but he won't ever tell them to fuck off. He'll just treat them like he treats everyone. Like they are his best friend, but then he'll bitch about it to himself when they aren't in the room.

@Jizzusizjizzin then that sucks because everyone else still gets to be his friend? When they weren't "there" for him ever.

Yeah, that's life.

I'm not an Aqua (have Mercury and Venus in Aqua) yet I behave similarly to your friend when sensing that one of my opposite sex friends developed a crush on me. My behaviour changes immediately after noticing his crush.

On one hand, it's flattering and enjoyable. On the other hand.......I feel awkward in his presence and therefore pretend to ignore him, if I'm not interested in anything else but friendship. It's not really ignoring, but more like observing him from a safe distance and "testing" him from time to time. Is he going to adore me in secret (which is what I hope for), or is he going to embarrass me in front of our friends?

What if his crush is contagious (one more reason to keep the distance 🙂)? If you're not crushing, maybe there is some misunderstanding going on. Leave him in peace for a while.

Posted by IAmMystified
@aquanoz I don't know anymore, all I know is it literally happened overnight. The weird thing about him is, with our other friends if they are an ass to him or others, he doesn't care. But if I'm an ass, he gets upset about it. Like how I behave affects him more and yet he'll pay attention to other people more. Double standard. It's like anything nice he says about me, or if he thinks highly of me, he'll tell everyone else BUT me. But I need to hear those things, but he absolutely refuses to tell me anything about anything so I have to hear it through others.

I suppose I'm stuck on that part too. I can relate to what undine said about catching feelings then all of a sudden things seem more sensitive than it is. It really does feel awkward. Maybe it is the double standards because he does hold you in high regard therefore the jokes and friendly jabs at one another are taken more harshly when coming from you. Likewise, not praising you could be his way of guarding his feelings for whatever reason.

If it's been bothering you for a while I'd just call him out on his bullshit tbh but I'm more direct like that.

Either he likes you & doesn't feel like the romantic attraction is mutual on your end, hence making him feel like disconnecting & putting some distance b/w you two will somehow cover up (or make go away) the fact that he's interested in you beyond friendship

OR like someone said above...he got the hint that you like him but the attraction isn't mutual so he went out of his way to make the disconnection/distance obvious b/c that's his way of showing you where he stands. If this is the case, him feeling like you want him as more than a friend may make him uncomfortable, as someone said above.

Just talk to him about it. One thing is for sure, he def. knows what he's doing. He's aware that he's treating you differently b/c it takes actual effort to purposely isolate someone or change the intensity in a friendship. We can guess all day what his reasons are but only he knows...so just ask him =)

I think its the charge in you energy of your friendship that he's sensing and its a hard thing to recover from if your not mentally strong enough to think outside the box and approach him from a fresh new angle??_??_Yes when we are in a group we plug ourselves in an engage the group as a whole but if you switch off and get annoyed that he isn't giving you any energy then he will sense that. And in turn he's going to see u as a debbie downer or someone who needs maintenance??_??_My advice is don't be so dependant on your friends he's obviously not your best friend in the world so my best bet is the be mature and kindly decline any emotional investment you have in him, be above it and just cut him off.

@Everyone That's what I'm saying, when I keep my distance he doesn't like it. But when I pay attention, he half listens. And if we're in a group and I do my own thing, he becomes protective. But it's like how can you be protective, when you don't even pay attention to me at all. He has no right to do that especially based on how he treats me.

@Krysrenne7 When I did approach him about it the last time, all he said which was what he's always said: I was always upset at him. But I have told him so many times I was only upset at him because he was doing the ignoring thing and he still didn't get it. I guess aqua men are more reactive people? Or at least he is, he seems to base his behavior on how I "seem" without even actually knowing. For all we know, we're both walking on eggshells. One of our mutual friends once said for me to be the example for him to follow and that he's very clueless (naive) when it comes to women. I've never really asked him but I have a suspicion he's not very experienced, or he's been with nothing but selfish and/or demanding women and that he's also shy. Which I knew.

But he's better than that. He knows he can always approach me and ask me if I'm upset or what's wrong but he finds it hard to ask me, but he'll ask others. I don't know.

I guess the only solution is to take him as he is, be direct but not blunt the next time he does something hurtful.

Posted by IAmMystified

At one point i stepped into another room for a good chunk of time because I got an important phone call. When i came back a long time later, next to my stuff I saw a tiny xmas tree all decorated with gift cards and ornaments as decorations. It must have cost him at least $ 80- $ 100 + far more expensive than his $ 12 box of chocolates he gave everyone else. I was both happy at such a sweet gift but at the same time I was pissed off becuase of how he gave it to me. He yet again couldn't just give it to me like a normal friend, like how he gave it to other people.

It wasnt because he didn't want to make people jealous becuase they all saw him give it to me. So its not like he was trying to secretly give it to me. But it just pissed me off that he waited 5 hours and he didn't give it me to my face.

Tha'ts what i'm talking about. Making me feel bad all the time.

I found this info buried in all of the other stuff.

Are you blind??

smh and lol

@Montgomery what do you mean?

Ever heard the saying that 2 wrongs don't make a right? Well the same is true for 2 passive-aggressive or stubborn people.

When you've got 2 people who are more skilled at noticing teeny tiny changes, but yet aren't as good as accurately deciphering the clues/hints OR communicating about it afterwards, situations like these occur.

Sounds like you both dance to the beat of your own drum, which often leads others to misunderstanding not just him, but you as well. And he's told you that you're just as hard to read sometimes as he is.

Sounds like you both feed off of each other's energy & are so observant of each other's behavior that anytime something is off or seems out of the "norm," 1 or both of you shut down & automatically take it personal. And b/c you never communicate to the other that it bothers you to the point that it does (until it's too late), 1 or both of you end up feeling even worse b/c you start assuming that it's personal & that the other person is purposely trying to single you out or confuse you. Sometimes it's all in your head though lol And that's how things get awkward.

I think you are both doing the same thing. You guys are both sub-consciously reacting to odd behaviors seen in each other, but you both just so happen to have different defense mechanisms. Your defense mechanisms are clashing.

@Krysrenee7 I can agree with that. He naturally got all distracted which in his head was normal, I took it personally because I wasn't used to him being distracted by other things and I took it personally and got pissed off, he probably thought "Why is she mad? Wtf did I do?" stayed away until I cooled off, which pissed me off more and the cycle continued.

Which is probably why when I confronted him the first time, he's like "Wtf are you talking about?!?!"

But then it doesn't explain why he can't treat me better. Because he really does put me in a different category than everyone else. He can't even talk to me in a normal way. I even told him he treats me different and HE AGREED and I told him to knock it off becuase it makes me feel upset and yadda yadda. He still does it! And when I do it to him, he gets all pissy and I even tell him, doesn't feel good does it? Then stop doing it to me!!

Once in a blue moon people will tell me randomly (coincidentally) how he always speaks of me or highly of me, compliments and yadda yadda and worries about me alot but its like he can't do that when I'm around? I always have to hear it from others. I want to be able to talk to him and hangout with him again but it doesn't seem like he wants to and if he doesn't want to...

Then maybe he should stop being protective or talking about me to other people.

Wish I knew why he has a hard time even complimenting me. Even something like "nice outfit" when I hear him tell everyone else even if its to make fun of my outfit. Anythinig that would indicate anything!

But its like he refuses or like he has the "she should already know what I think" kind of belief. But yet other people shouldn't already know?

I know its partially becuase things were unnecessarily awkward/confusing in the past becuase of the past difficulty for a long time and the other reason its partially because like truecap said in another post its becuase he doesn't have to "impress" me anymore. I've always accepted him as is from day 1 which he learned that quickly.

God damn aqua sometimes I like his "entertaining" and charmy behavior. I miss it alot LOL.

I seldom get complements. No big deal, though. It just embarrasses me. lol!

Less complements are better, because you know they really mean it and it's more authentic. People who complement too often or too easily come across as insincere flatterers and it reads false.

Actually, when someone complements you to other people, that's even more flattering because they're telling everyone what they like about you. I means more because they're building you up publically instead of just one on one.

And aquas do have the "you should already know mentality". If they tell you one time, they expect you now know.

Posted by truecap
I seldom get complements. No big deal, though. It just embarrasses me. lol!

Less complements are better, because you know they really mean it and it's more authentic. People who complement too often or too easily come across as insincere flatterers and it reads false.

Actually, when someone complements you to other people, that's even more flattering because they're telling everyone what they like about you. I means more because they're building you up publically instead of just one on one.

And aquas do have the "you should already know mentality". If they tell you one time, they expect you now know.

I don't think he's told me one time LOL...even if he does, he says something that contradicts that too LOL.

It's okay though, I guess what I hated before was it felt like he was PURPOSELY and EXCESSIVELY trying to shun me...when I guess if I look at it logically I don't think he was trying to do that. He just figured I was mad at him no matter what he did so he didn't wanna talk to me unless he had to even tho he wanted to talk to me in general.

But I do agree if he's talking about me people but it was funny the times where i indirectly mentioned him doing that he was in full denial mode. It was funny.

But as i said I'm doing better I think. I do go through periods of missing the old "him" or the "On" him as true cap puts it. I do miss his presence too when he's not around.

I'm trying really hard to live life as if he moved away or something because caring about someone that much cna be really healthy in some ways.

@TrueCap he's been on vacation since this past friday (4-5 days ago). He called today wanting to "check" in as he put it. Haha. Was random. If youre on a week long vacation you enjoy the vacation but he wanted to see how things were going and i asked him how stuff was going with his family celebrating their parents wedding anniversary and from the sound of it, he wanted to come back home after a day so I felt bad but he's been staying busy trying to deal with having to be around his parents and the rest of his immediate family.

He probably missed me. (I hope)