At my wit's end!!!

What are the signs an Aries man wants to breakup?
I mean... would he be hanging about if he had made his mind about moving on?

My Ram has been giving me hints and half finished sentences about other women (and I have known for sometime that he could be considering getting together with an old girlfriend)in his life. - He also knows I'm not (or pretend not to be sometimes)a very jealous person.

This morning we had a big argument about a stupid silly thing... my friends say I'm playing too cool and soft...
I just don't understand why the hell he wants to spend time with me every day if my apeal is wearing off.

I also feel that he has a pretty accurate idea of how I feel about him and that somehow this concerns him because he did a really good job making me fall in love with him....

Should I atribute all this to his impending birthday or something and don't fret??

Like calling me at lunch and after an hour or so of conversation suddenly throw in something like - "I'm going to have dinner with someone tomorrow but I shouldn't be telling you this because i'm already feeling guilty"
He then procceded to completly change the subject... I would usually ask for the whole story but lately I haven't had the heart to do it.
As to the argument - I was telling him how I felt about him (trying my best anyway) but he began talking about some woman he met the other day and then we got interrupted and i said something like I was predicting we would be interrupeted and.... explosion from him...

I try to keep the romance, and I stroke his ego, Solitas, perhaps not that often lately becasue I'm afraid, the result has not been very satisfying.
I had an aries friend that once told me he would always immediatly break up a relationship if he felt the other person was feeling stronger for him than he could reciprocate.

I'm so confused........

It sounds to me from what you've said that he's just trying to get your attention through making you jealous, "but I shouldn't be telling you this because i'm already feeling guilty" .. read between the lines of this and use the logical side of you.

If YOU were interested in someone else .. would you say such a thing?

My take on the issue if I was attracted to another person would be, "Do you think I'm so stupid that I would tell YOU." Give me more credit than that.

That's how people are .. they aren't going to TELL you if they are cheating, or have a desire to .. if the desire IS actually there, their lips are sealed.

But, for the fact that he's saying this to you, means it isn't really happening, rather, he wants you to believe it is, so you will fight for him, you will be jealous and attempt to win him back over.

A very childish mindset .. unfortunately, it is very much apart of the Arian nature. They all do it .. clueless as to why, because it makes no sense in reality. A person should want another to want them because they do, and not because a game has to be played to win their hearts .. backwards!

Certainly, I have no clue to the inside of your relationship, but, this is how it sounds to me .. for, I've seen a Ram do this repeatedly with their partners.

I would be long past my wits end .. if someone tried to play me like that for attention, the only thing they would be aware of is my back fin.

"What are the signs an Aries man wants to breakup? "
"He'll be cold was a polar bear"


And your boyfriend is NOT cold as a polar bear, is he?

Can you not see the ploy? If he wanted to break-up, you'd know because he wouldn't be lunching with you, he wouldn't even be arguing with you, rather, you wouldn't exist any longer. Yet, he speaks of other women .. it's a game. He doesn't feel loved enough, so he thinks he will feel loved if he uses this tactic to make you show it more. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if hasn't said something to that effect, "You don't love me any longer", or, "You don't want me, do you?" Of course, that sounds too whimpy for a Ram to say.

My logical side completly agrees with you P-Angel....
My emotional one is drowning in doubts...

I don't want to play games. It would be more than vicious - borderline on cruel if he was doing that to me. And eventually wouldn't get him anywhere....
and he's an intelligent man -he should know that, he knows me well.... on the other hand you both reminded of something he said some days ago -after repeatedly trying to make me jelous - "I like how you never get jelous"

He's 10 years older than me and I know that made him a little insecure when we started dating... Do you think his impending birthday could make him feel insecure about this again?

Lol
No, he has not said anything of the kind - actually he has never said he loved me either... nor have I - it seems we're stuck on the "I really like you".

I haven't heard anything from him since the argument we had this morning...

It's possible that this has to do with his birthday. Aries are invincable, immortal .. so another birthday might make them feel like they might actually be mortal.

lol, I don't know .. I'm a Fish, so death to me is emminate and I think about it alot. Birthdays are a joyous time because it's one year closer to being joined back with the cosmos.

To the Aries .. this might trigger this sort of reaction. A Ram would have to answer that question.

The only thing he can win at playing games with me is to broke my heart and see the tip of my tail disapearing in the horizon.

Changes in the relationship? I might have reacted to this things with a little coldness. I sometimes do that when I feel hurt.
We also have been planning these holidays together for ages - but the plans went wrong - nothing any of us could do about it. But he has talked a lot more of other women since then. And my confidence has also been much lower since....

"I get amazingly cold when I no longer have an interest. And if I have to stick around that person, I'm disguisted."


See? So, don't worry, he's not thinking about breaking up with you.

Men just aren't as emotionally strong as women, so, I'm thinking that, like Arianlatay said, his feelings are changing and he's getting frightened ..

*** shhhh, don't tell the Aries I referred to them with the "f" word, tell them I said "fight"

.. and he just needs some reassurances of your feelings so he can build on it. Maybe plan something fabulously romantic and thrilling for his birthday, and tell him soon so the two of you can enjoy the excitment of the anticipation together .. he would love that .. the anticipation of doing something really exciting that's the fun part, anyway. Doing this together will make him forget about trying to make you jealous and make him realize that you care ten-fold because you've planned something special, just for him.

🙂

I do hope you're both right.

... I think he's punishing me... still no word...

"Ooooo coldness...we don't like coldness (shaking head fast)" - No one does...

Arianlatay, the holidays were cancelled because he was required to get back to work after a co-worker accident.
Do you think he coud be blaming himself for the change of plans?

And I will follow your advice P-Angel, after all the only thing that could go wrong is for me to make a fool of myself....lol

No temptations for me.

I'm really into him... I'm not interested in anyone else.. In fact I was happily alone for some time untill this guy came along.
I even cancelled my own holidays because of him - no fun going alone where we had planed to go together...

ConfusedCapi My situation sounded a little similiar to yours but the only thing their is another women with his child he threw in my face.......

I'm trying to seek clarity also......if this aries is asking for a grand justure of my emotions to be sure I want him here......

we just had a baby and htings have been pretty emotional around here especially for me..... but he has been the proud dad and being so supportive........

But he has also seem a little unsure about my feelings or if he belongs here with me as a family......

we have had some relly big arguments and fall outs about the other women he has a child by and we get back together and make up.......

I have to admit I have been really insecure myself about the other women with his child as far as if he still wanted to be there with her......

anyway I started recieving calls from ex and was ignoring them at first but he would get mad and say answer the phone.......

I wouldn't at first thinking it wouldn't be right......but after our last brekup and argument...... we talked and he express he thought I cared more about the ex than him....I happily told him the truth......I love him and we just had a child and only want him........

Of course this made him happy enough to come home......but the calls continued and I started to take them...... but not in secret but in fromt of him so he would see there is nothing between us........

my ex consider as a friend and still like to talk to him form time to time......but the aries feel why be friends with a man you to sleep with.....

I admit I did soem of it to get a reaction out of him because I thought he was losing interest.......

I thoutght maybe he was wnating to go back to the other baby mom......

well anyway I speak with ex two days in a row mon & tues.........in front of aries.....he gets upset and become very agressive about the hold situation....

we fuss and fight about it and .....have some makeup sex......I go to work and come home thne he goes to work....I get a call saying he's coming home early..... I find that strange....

so I ask him was wrong he was very short and non expressive.....so i ask him what time and he says 9pm but mind you he shows up 30 mins after our conversation....

he gets there and sighs the hold time like something was on his mind....so I pull it out of him..... he finally says he don't want to be here anymore....

I'm devasated and breakdown and cry........

sorry for so many typos.......

Now I'm thinking whats going on.....is this to do with what I did with the calls from the ex.....being he thinks you shouldnt be friends with a man you use to sleep with.....

or is this about the other baby mom.....mind you she had been threatening him with child support and he had to go to court with her alsoi the next day........

I confused and hurt as well.. because it appeared to be a game at first because he admitted to coming home just to taunt and piss me off at first....

then he says I'm not going anywhere and lets go have a drink..... by then I was mad and to upset......he hurt me.....
so I lash back and throw my ex in his face saying I will call him and do everything you think I do......

and he goes that's what Ive been waiting to hear.....

At first I felt he wanted to go and really be there with her and then I felt it was some kind of game he played to see how much I care and want him to be here.......

I haven't heard from him in days as well......

I mean we just had a child.....why is he doing this....

Aries please help me out.........

I'm sorry confused capi......I felt out situation was alittle similar....I hope you don't mind.....

For the life of me, I cannot understand the benefits for a union with the whole jealousy mind-set .. I try, to no avail.

Wouldn't a person feel mored loved by the other person ACTUALLY wanting to be with them, then by forcing them to by means of a defensive posture?

Is that really a loving feeling?
Or, is it a trick one fools themself with because a reactional emotion is induced, where it may not actually be felt?

Suppose I will never get it.

BlueVirgo .. I have to ask .. why was your ex phoning you? If he's an ex, how did he recieve the suggestion that it was alright to now contact you?

Of course, there is no way for anyone to know the full details .. but, going by what you posted, it sounded to me as though the ONLY reason you decided to have communication with the ex is because, "I have to admit I have been really insecure myself about the other women with his child as far as if he still wanted to be there with her......anyway I started recieving calls from ex".

Of course, you were ignoring them until he said to answer .. but, how did the ex know to even call you, for you to ignore?

Certainly, I'm not condoning your man for attempting to throw another woman in your face, however, the Ram isn't here .. you are, so one can only ask of your intentions as to why and how. After you felt insecure about this other woman, suddenly, out of nowhere, your ex rings you? That sounds suspect ..

In no way am I trying to point fingers in one direction, nor another, rather trying to understand where and why this is happening.

"is this to do with what I did with the calls from the ex.....or is this about the other baby mom"


Neither .. they are just the tools you both are using to get under each other's skin, for you said, "he admitted to coming home just to taunt and piss me off" .. this is evidence that he uses things for the sole purpose of pissing you off .. "I lash back and throw my ex in his face", which is evidence that you, also, use things to piss him off.

I'm not sure why, though ..

"At first I felt he wanted to go and really be there with her and then I felt it was some kind of game he played to see how much I care and want him to be here.......
I haven't heard from him in days as well......
I mean we just had a child.....why is he doing this...."


There are two people in a relationship .. it's really irrelevant as to who starts a particular episode .. however, if BOTH people participate, then BOTH people are guilty. So, it appears that this isn't something that he is doing, rather, something you two are doing to each other .. "why is he doing this"

Try to focus on "what" needs to happen to make both people secure with each other, rather than on the fact "that" it's happening. What can you do to improve the situation?

P-Angel I feel what your saying about using tactics to induce feelings.....

But I don't know if that was his true intentions anyway.......he may really been trying to break it off with me for good.....

By telling me he was going back to her......maybe it wasn't to get a reaction......I felt it could have been after reading confused capi post.......because it sounds similar.....

or maybe I'm not seeingit for what it is.. he don't love or want to be here with his child and I......

I was just trying to make sense of it so i know how to pursue the situation further...

Because I agree with finding away to make eachother secure......I admit I eg the ex on a little to call to get his attention.....

I felt I was loosing him....he was coming home everynight and being so loving and sweet...

Then suddenly he come home and rolls over like a block of ice......

Then next day spends a few minutes with us and gone again.....
I felt he was losing interest and was with her.......

I love the father of my child.......I don't want my ex but does he want his .....

why would he tell me these things and then wait to hear how I react.....

Was his intent to hurt me, was he really unhappy and wanted to leave or was it a game to get me to show what was really good between him and I.....

I just need to make sense of it all.....

I want to call him but what if he really meant it was over and he wanted to elsewhere...I don't want ti to seem as if i dindn't get the message......

I'm sorry you're going through this BlueVirgo and I'm not sure my input will be much usefull but...

First I would like to say that I don't belive in giving someone a taste of his/her own medicine - fight jelousy with jelousy will never get two people anywhere.... But i can't see any harm in keeping friends with an ex - just because a relationship didn't work out it doesn't mean people have to stop caring about each other in the purest platonic sense.

If you want to call him, if you love him, do call him - ask him if everything is alright with him. Tell him you miss him... but DO NOT exagerate.

"he gets there and sighs the hold time like something was on his mind....so I pull it out of him..... he finally says he don't want to be here anymore....

I'm devasated and breakdown and cry........
.........................................................
I confused and hurt as well.. because it appeared to be a game at first because he admitted to coming home just to taunt and piss me off at first....

then he says I'm not going anywhere and lets go have a drink..... by then I was mad and to upset......he hurt me.....
so I lash back and throw my ex in his face saying I will call him and do everything you think I do......

and he goes that's what Ive been waiting to hear....."


Could it be he was under too much pressure and was trying to talk about things- his fears and frustrations but instead of listning you just poured your own into him?

BlueVirgo .. let me ask you something, when he did this: "Then suddenly he come home and rolls over like a block of ice" .. has he given you ice-cubes ever since?

"mind you she had been threatening him with child support and he had to go to court with her alsoi the next day"

You know, it sounds to me as though he is just under a lot of stress right now, BlueVirgo .. he has a responsibility to another child, dealing with court and support, and his ex threatening him .. plus, he has a new baby, which also requires him to take full responsibility .. that's a lot on one persons plate, which doesn't even include having to work everyday, and being a man to his woman (you).

Right now (assuming were talking about a newborn), as well as during your pregnancy, your hormones are out-of-whack, which leaves a woman a lot more emotionally unfocused (which isn't a fault of yours, all women have this when they're pg) .. and he has to deal with that too.

That's a tremendous amount of pressure on one person .. it only stands to reason that eventually tempers would flare over the littlest, stupidest issues .. this steam that gets pressured up has to be let out, or a person would just pop. Maybe this is just a ventilation on his part .. a person can only do so much before they start blowing gaskets.

I don't think it's YOU in particular, he wouldn't be with you, having a baby .. if he didn't love you. I think it's just all this built up inside him and he feels like he's pulling his hair out. Maybe the best thing for you to do, before you freak out is just give him a little space and time to cool off a tad and sort things out.

You know (which I'm sure you do), Aries people are very competent in handling most anything that's thrown at them, they're tough and durable, and most importantly, they have a remarkable sense of loyalty to the people who are dear to them. You are dear to him, or he wouldn't be there, sharing his life with you ..

So, I don't think you really have anything to worry about, except his stress-level. Perhaps, if you did, or said something to let him know that you are aware of his distress and that you will stand by him while he sorts everything out .. this will likely give him a sense of relief because he'll know that you are entrusting in him, you're confidence in his confidence of being able to get through this with keeping the best interest of all involved.

Just my thoughts ...

thanks ladies for your input......

I feel what your saying but if he loved me he would be here.....
He left and I haven't heard from him in days.......
Knowing we just had a new baby and need him to help babysit her.......
what is it with this aries thing if you don't call me I won't call you....
I don't think he coming back......It seems he wants to run as far away from this situation as possible...

I know he may be under alot of pressure......
I mean to tell me you think you should go back to your ex and make some lame excuses...
make me think he meant what he said and that's were he is.....
I mean is it right for him to be sorting out what he wants around there with her.....

I didn't mean to make him think that he had no reason to trust me but I mean girls from the story i told you all does that sound like a man that is insecure and confused about being with a women who may leave him.......

Or is it a man who feel he rather be with his first childs mother.......
I don't want to wait around for a man who surely loves another women and feels I'm in the way....

You've got yourself all freaked out here, and all this may just be a suspicion.
You don't know where he is, do you?

Call him, BlueVirgo .. and try to be calm. All of us can understand that this is huge for you right now and it should be .. however, some of it may just be paranoia because of the uncertainty of the not knowing his whereabouts. The only way to really know where he is to phone him and try not to let anger or jealousy cloud your mind, or an argument will ensue. If an arguement is allowed to rule the conversation then more hurtful, not-meant words will fly .. that won't solve anything.

"if he loved me he would be here" .. maybe he is in his heart.

"does that sound like a man that is insecure and confused about being with a women who may leave him". I'm not sure what you're saying here .. do you mean to say that because there may be a fear in him that you are going to leave him, that it would make him insecure and confused?

BlueVirgo, he probably is just chilling somewhere with some mates, throwing some pints down (if he drinks) and trying to get a grasp on everything in his life that is making him think it's spinning out-of-control. Seriously, you need to try and do this too, instead of freaking out, because then your mind will be in a whirlwind, too. The only way to sort through this, is by trying to gain some control, so you can think about this practically.

It appears that a "fear" of him not wanting you, or leaving has complete control. If this fear is allowed to continue to rule your judgement, then you won't have the capability to think this out rationally.

Call him, BlueVirgo .. pick up the phone and call him.

Updates on my Ram:

I heard of him Saturday night late at night - he left me a message saying he went home kind of late and that he had some wine and was going to bed.
Yesterday during the day I didn't say anything - I was feeling my own need to have some space to put my mind in order and he spend the day IM me little messages... I guess he was trying to apologize...

At night when we talked he kept erratically changing subjects - some talk about some girl he knows that is going to get married also. I felt he had something on his mind but I guess when he's ready he'll talk about it...
He told also me that he would like to reschedule the holidays.

"he spend the day IM me little messages... I guess he was trying to apologize"


Awwwww .. doesn't that just want to make you melt? He's trying .. poor baby.
Men just aren't good at all the emotional stuff, are they?

I truly hope that the two of you can work this out, CC .. you both really seem to care about each other a lot.

Thank you all for your input. You've helped a lot.
Yesterday he called me at work - as usually when I works nights - and he said he had someone cooking him dinner. I asked him who and he says- Nobody just teasing you....

This was a good oportunity to ask him why he says things like this... I didn't ask however, because I couldn't think of a way of doing it without looking insanely jelous.

It's here, lv24

Well... I didn't ask him... he was the one to ask what was on my mind.

So we had this long talk where he says he's concerned about me because he knows how he is and that he strays often in a relationship and that he doesn't want to deceive me and I talked about how I felt...
...then i told him that I was feeling insecure about being able to keep him interested in me to which he replyed - "You shoudn't be"

I have no idea what all this could mean but I guess he's not going anywhere... at least for now. He seemed very surprised when I mentioned how insecure I was.... I guess I'll never understand the male mind.

But I would apreciate your thoughts on this.