HaveBalanceStayElegant
@HaveBalanceStayElegant
7 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 14 · Topics: 1
Confusing Aries Behavior
I try to keep it 45/55 because I don't want to come off clingy or like my life revolves around him because it definitely doesn't.
In addition to what was posted, up until he told me he loved me, he was actually being more conversationally consistent. He told me he loved me on Friday, on Saturday I IM'd him saying Good Morning and didn't hear from him. The IM doesn't show as read.
In addition to what was posted, up until he told me he loved me, he was actually being more conversationally consistent. He told me he loved me on Friday, on Saturday I IM'd him saying Good Morning and didn't hear from him. The IM doesn't show as read.
He is an Aries alright, social media...i mean...lol
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
Posted by IamTheRamSo I actually ended up IMing him before I read this ;x Pretty much telling him that what I was about to say was just me being honest (I said this because this is one of the reasons why he said he loved me) and then I went on to say that he seems to be hot and cold and that I was in no way judging, but was just curious and trying to understand - however, in order for me to do so, I needed him to be the straightforward person that he was. I then said that if he wanted to retract what he said on Friday, then he should do so. I followed up with, if he was upset about the conversation we had, then I'd hope he'd tell me. And then ended with or if this was all a game and he got his kicks, then I would want to know that too just to gauge the situation.
He is an Aries alright, social media...i mean...lol
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^
I said that yesterday and he responded this morning stating that he wasn't upset or anything he just gets free and busy randomly which is why his messages are so sporadic.
^I figured as much, but when a guy finally opens up to you one week, says he loves you at the end of that week and then falls off the planet for two days, sometimes you just don't know what to think?
I responded by saying the latter in a nice and breezy way and he hasn't seen the message yet and hasn't responded, but again, this is how our communication has been since the beginning.
To answer your questions:
1) We never had a set date to meet in December. He just mentioned that he wanted to meet during that month and I did too, but then our reach outs to one another stopped simultaneously.
2) When I wrote something along the lines of "He didn't pursue me for my answer" - yeah, I realized how dumb this sounded after I reread that part of my post and reading your response. >_
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantAwful lot of overthinking for a friendship...
We also started our friendship by stating that we were both very straightforward people and established an honesty policy which we both seem to have held up in matters of conversation.
Posted by Pandora101To be quite honest, I don't know. I highly doubt he's married, but of course, me being the logical person that I am, the thought of him having a girlfriend or pursuing other women while talking to me has crossed my mind multiple times and still does - but I'm also logical enough to not allow myself to become too emotionally invested in this.
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
We don't have mutual friends, we "matched" on Tinder.
Posted by LadyNeptuneShould we not have done this and went more with the flow?Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantAwful lot of overthinking for a friendship...
We also started our friendship by stating that we were both very straightforward people and established an honesty policy which we both seem to have held up in matters of conversation.click to expand
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantI just mean your stressing out about him not getting back to you after a few days. Your behavior says your thinking of him as something more than a friendship even tho you call him a friend. What gives?Posted by LadyNeptuneShould we not have done this and went more with the flow?Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantAwful lot of overthinking for a friendship...
We also started our friendship by stating that we were both very straightforward people and established an honesty policy which we both seem to have held up in matters of conversation.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptune*sigh* I know, and you're right. Truth is, although I know there's so much more to know about him, I feel like if he'd just open up I could actually allow myself to fall for him without hesitation. I just need something more tangible. Obviously, I realized that even if I met him and felt like he was actually genuine and not just playing a good online facade, I know that there's still risk that he could be playing the field, but realistically, that goes for anyone. I think I'd just feel better about finally letting my heart take the reigns for a bit because let's face it, I'm practical and logical but I'm still a romantic at heart :/Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantI just mean your stressing out about him not getting back to you after a few days. Your behavior says your thinking of him as something more than a friendship even tho you call him a friend. What gives?Posted by LadyNeptuneShould we not have done this and went more with the flow?Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantAwful lot of overthinking for a friendship...
We also started our friendship by stating that we were both very straightforward people and established an honesty policy which we both seem to have held up in matters of conversation.click to expand
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantWhat does it matter if he's playing the field? Your building a friendship with him, not a romantic relationship. Who he is fucking isn't your concern and shouldn't even be a factor.Posted by LadyNeptune*sigh* I know, and you're right. Truth is, although I know there's so much more to know about him, I feel like if he'd just open up I could actually allow myself to fall for him without hesitation. I just need something more tangible. Obviously, I realized that even if I met him and felt like he was actually genuine and not just playing a good online facade, I know that there's still risk that he could be playing the field, but realistically, that goes for anyone. I think I'd just feel better about finally letting my heart take the reigns for a bit because let's face it, I'm practical and logical but I'm still a romantic at heart :/Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantI just mean your stressing out about him not getting back to you after a few days. Your behavior says your thinking of him as something more than a friendship even tho you call him a friend. What gives?Posted by LadyNeptuneShould we not have done this and went more with the flow?Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantAwful lot of overthinking for a friendship...
We also started our friendship by stating that we were both very straightforward people and established an honesty policy which we both seem to have held up in matters of conversation.
click to expand
Posted by HaveBalanceStayEleganthm... you didnt have any other "match" on Tinder, just with him? maybe you should be talking to other matches as well, so to distract yourself from his inconsistency...Posted by Pandora101To be quite honest, I don't know. I highly doubt he's married, but of course, me being the logical person that I am, the thought of him having a girlfriend or pursuing other women while talking to me has crossed my mind multiple times and still does - but I'm also logical enough to not allow myself to become too emotionally invested in this.
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
We don't have mutual friends, we "matched" on Tinder.click to expand
do you think he matched only with you?
I know you told to each other to being honest.... but I dont think you can really expect honesty from strangers you met online... they dont really owe you honesty, most of these virtual strangers do what makes them good at the moment
I am not sure Tinder is for friendships, tho, from what I heard
you should really meet him
or at least check some facts about him, internet is your friend 🙂
him not wanting to call you, just messaging, is very telling - he has a girlfriend... that would be an explanation, why he went silent over christmas time, why he is inconsistent
you think you are being honest with him, when you are telling him all the things and analyzing, what he possible want, but it just comes accross too emotional and heavily invested, you know what I mean?
I would suggest to distract yourself and talk to other tinder matches, possibly with somebody who you can actually meet or talk on the phone (that is, if you dont prefer just an online love story, which is fine, but.... whatever you prefer)
Oh jeez here we go... 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Red flag #1 met on tinder
Red flag #2 never met in real life
Red flag #3 he tells you he loves you when y’all never met and he’s inconsistent.
There are more flags here but I think you get the point 😉
Red flag #1 met on tinder
Red flag #2 never met in real life
Red flag #3 he tells you he loves you when y’all never met and he’s inconsistent.
There are more flags here but I think you get the point 😉
Posted by Pandora101OP read my hat please 😆Posted by HaveBalanceStayEleganthm... you didnt have any other "match" on Tinder, just with him? maybe you should be talking to other matches as well, so to distract yourself from his inconsistency...Posted by Pandora101To be quite honest, I don't know. I highly doubt he's married, but of course, me being the logical person that I am, the thought of him having a girlfriend or pursuing other women while talking to me has crossed my mind multiple times and still does - but I'm also logical enough to not allow myself to become too emotionally invested in this.
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
We don't have mutual friends, we "matched" on Tinder.
do you think he matched only with you?
I know you told to each other to being honest.... but I dont think you can really expect honesty from strangers you met online... they dont really owe you honesty, most of these virtual strangers do what makes them good at the moment
I am not sure Tinder is for friendships, tho, from what I heard
you should really meet him
or at least check some facts about him, internet is your friend 🙂
him not wanting to call you, just messaging, is very telling - he has a girlfriend... that would be an explanation, why he went silent over christmas time, why he is inconsistent
you think you are being honest with him, when you are telling him all the things and analyzing, what he possible want, but it just comes accross too emotional and heavily invested, you know what I mean?
I would suggest to distract yourself and talk to other tinder matches, possibly with somebody who you can actually meet or talk on the phone (that is, if you dont prefer just an online love story, which is fine, but.... whatever you prefer)
click to expand
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantPosted by IamTheRamSo I actually ended up IMing him before I read this ;x Pretty much telling him that what I was about to say was just me being honest (I said this because this is one of the reasons why he said he loved me) and then I went on to say that he seems to be hot and cold and that I was in no way judging, but was just curious and trying to understand - however, in order for me to do so, I needed him to be the straightforward person that he was. I then said that if he wanted to retract what he said on Friday, then he should do so. I followed up with, if he was upset about the conversation we had, then I'd hope he'd tell me. And then ended with or if this was all a game and he got his kicks, then I would want to know that too just to gauge the situation.
He is an Aries alright, social media...i mean...lol
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^click to expand
I said that yesterday and he responded this morning stating that he wasn't upset or anything he just gets free and busy randomly which is why his messages are so sporadic.
^I figured as much, but when a guy finally opens up to you one week, says he loves you at the end of that week and then falls off the planet for two days, sometimes you just don't know what to think?
I responded by saying the latter in a nice and breezy way and he hasn't seen the message yet and hasn't responded, but again, this is how our communication has been since the beginning.
To answer your questions:
1) We never had a set date to meet in December. He just mentioned that he wanted to meet during that month and I did too, but then our reach outs to one another stopped simultaneously.
2) When I wrote something along the lines of "He didn't pursue me for my answer" - yeah, I realized how dumb this sounded after I reread that part of my post and reading your response. >_
Why the constant IM. Is it not possible to meet in person. You wont get a good idea of him otherwise. My Aries was also confusing to me at the beginning i think exactly because of this-he isnt the same over msging as he is in person.
Also Aries will open up to you, when he is ready 🙂 life with Aries gets better with each passing day. But I wouldn't hang around or be too wishy washy. Grab the bull by the horns, take him to some cool places, have fun with him, be his friend and each day you'll get a little more from him until you are his all
Also Aries will open up to you, when he is ready 🙂 life with Aries gets better with each passing day. But I wouldn't hang around or be too wishy washy. Grab the bull by the horns, take him to some cool places, have fun with him, be his friend and each day you'll get a little more from him until you are his all
Do not stay long in "msging" phase.
Posted by IamTheRamPosted by HaveBalanceStayElegantPosted by IamTheRamSo I actually ended up IMing him before I read this ;x Pretty much telling him that what I was about to say was just me being honest (I said this because this is one of the reasons why he said he loved me) and then I went on to say that he seems to be hot and cold and that I was in no way judging, but was just curious and trying to understand - however, in order for me to do so, I needed him to be the straightforward person that he was. I then said that if he wanted to retract what he said on Friday, then he should do so. I followed up with, if he was upset about the conversation we had, then I'd hope he'd tell me. And then ended with or if this was all a game and he got his kicks, then I would want to know that too just to gauge the situation.
He is an Aries alright, social media...i mean...lol
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^click to expand
I said that yesterday and he responded this morning stating that he wasn't upset or anything he just gets free and busy randomly which is why his messages are so sporadic.
^I figured as much, but when a guy finally opens up to you one week, says he loves you at the end of that week and then falls off the planet for two days, sometimes you just don't know what to think?
I responded by saying the latter in a nice and breezy way and he hasn't seen the message yet and hasn't responded, but again, this is how our communication has been since the beginning.
To answer your questions:
1) We never had a set date to meet in December. He just mentioned that he wanted to meet during that month and I did too, but then our reach outs to one another stopped simultaneously.
2) When I wrote something along the lines of "He didn't pursue me for my answer" - yeah, I realized how dumb this sounded after I reread that part of my post and reading your response. >_
Posted by LibraLovesHim
Why the constant IM. Is it not possible to meet in person. You wont get a good idea of him otherwise. My Aries was also confusing to me at the beginning i think exactly because of this-he isnt the same over msging as he is in person.
Also Aries will open up to you, when he is ready 🙂 life with Aries gets better with each passing day. But I wouldn't hang around or be too wishy washy. Grab the bull by the horns, take him to some cool places, have fun with him, be his friend and each day you'll get a little more from him until you are his all
@LibraLovesHim:
***I tried to respond by quoting your post, but my response isn't visible on my end. So I reposted it separate from yours.***
We live an hour away from each other but his job is similar to a firefighter's schedule (3 days on, 2 days off) and lately our schedules just don't mesh. (I work in an office 7am-4pm or later.) I'm moving to his county later on this month because cost of living is cheaper and a part of me feels like he's waiting until we're closer in distance to schedule a meet, but we'll see. I'm trying to not allow myself to hope for anything at this point. And like I said in my response to IAmTheRam, if he doesn't want to be "real life" friends then I'm not interested in online conversation - sweet nothings can be found anywhere.
***I tried to respond by quoting your post, but my response isn't visible on my end. So I reposted it separate from yours.***
We live an hour away from each other but his job is similar to a firefighter's schedule (3 days on, 2 days off) and lately our schedules just don't mesh. (I work in an office 7am-4pm or later.) I'm moving to his county later on this month because cost of living is cheaper and a part of me feels like he's waiting until we're closer in distance to schedule a meet, but we'll see. I'm trying to not allow myself to hope for anything at this point. And like I said in my response to IAmTheRam, if he doesn't want to be "real life" friends then I'm not interested in online conversation - sweet nothings can be found anywhere.
"Hi...you're perfect!" "Um, what was your number again?"
Tells you everything you need to know.
Tells you everything you need to know.
Posted by beautifulsoul74Well let me elaborate. If a man finds a woman perfect, he's not going to forget her number. He's also going to move hell and high water to constantly be with her and be a consistent presence. No..."I'm busy." He'll make time.
"Hi...you're perfect!" "Um, what was your number again?"
Tells you everything you need to know.
Sorry but you're a conquest and he's only feeding your ego to build it up so he can break it down, make you insecure and chase him. Him disappearing is him having other irons in the fire pure and simple.
Posted by beautifulsoul74Thank you for your input, very much appreciated! I don't like to give ultimatums, but I feel like I may not have a choice to see if I can make him cut the cr@p or not. When this whole thing started, I flat out told him I just wanted a friendship and good conversation, but unfortunately, from November until now, I've become attracted. Ugh.Posted by beautifulsoul74Well let me elaborate. If a man finds a woman perfect, he's not going to forget her number. He's also going to move hell and high water to constantly be with her and be a consistent presence. No..."I'm busy." He'll make time.
"Hi...you're perfect!" "Um, what was your number again?"
Tells you everything you need to know.
Sorry but you're a conquest and he's only feeding your ego to build it up so he can break it down, make you insecure and chase him. Him disappearing is him having other irons in the fire pure and simple.
click to expand
I think my biggest issue is that sometimes I'll feel dumb over this whole thing because it's strictly online, but then at other times, I'm like "what's the big deal?". I know I just need to make up my mind and call his bluff if I want to see any action and if there's none, well, there's my answer.
He lives an hour away which is why you guys haven’t met yet? That makes sense since you guys obviously have no transportation options other then walking 😆 a lot of people commute an hour for work everyday, so what other excuses you have?
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantI think you already know the answer, and it’s ok we all go through on-line mistakes but at least this will provide a wonderful guideline for next time of what to beware of.Posted by beautifulsoul74Thank you for your input, very much appreciated! I don't like to give ultimatums, but I feel like I may not have a choice to see if I can make him cut the cr@p or not. When this whole thing started, I flat out told him I just wanted a friendship and good conversation, but unfortunately, from November until now, I've become attracted. Ugh.Posted by beautifulsoul74Well let me elaborate. If a man finds a woman perfect, he's not going to forget her number. He's also going to move hell and high water to constantly be with her and be a consistent presence. No..."I'm busy." He'll make time.
"Hi...you're perfect!" "Um, what was your number again?"
Tells you everything you need to know.
Sorry but you're a conquest and he's only feeding your ego to build it up so he can break it down, make you insecure and chase him. Him disappearing is him having other irons in the fire pure and simple.
I think my biggest issue is that sometimes I'll feel dumb over this whole thing because it's strictly online, but then at other times, I'm like "what's the big deal?". I know I just need to make up my mind and call his bluff if I want to see any action and if there's none, well, there's my answer.click to expand
Posted by MoonbutterSad to say, I don't feel like making the commute, especially not when I'm in the middle of moving. And the cost of gas ? If he expressed an interest in meeting, I'd bite the bullet and go, but if there's no interest then what's the point.
He lives an hour away which is why you guys haven’t met yet? That makes sense since you guys obviously have no transportation options other then walking 😆 a lot of people commute an hour for work everyday, so what other excuses you have?
Also, I'm not 100% sold on this whole thing. The dumb girl in me wants to meet the handsome guy, but the logical side in me is like "really? come on."
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantSo you already know he’s full of BS then 🤨Posted by MoonbutterSad to say, I don't feel like making the commute, especially not when I'm in the middle of moving. And the cost of gas ? If he expressed an interest in meeting, I'd bite the bullet and go, but if there's no interest then what's the point.
He lives an hour away which is why you guys haven’t met yet? That makes sense since you guys obviously have no transportation options other then walking 😆 a lot of people commute an hour for work everyday, so what other excuses you have?
Also, I'm not 100% sold on this whole thing. The dumb girl in me wants to meet the handsome guy, but the logical side in me is like "really? come on."click to expand
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantI understand...but...I’m going to give you the big picture. The truth is it really boils down to what it is you truly want and you have to be honest with yourself about it. By you being indecisive, you’re essentially trying to convince yourself to get involved in something you already know you shouldn’t. I’m not blaming you nor am I making you a victim. You’re already surrendering your power over to him and he hasn’t even touched you yet.Posted by beautifulsoul74Thank you for your input, very much appreciated! I don't like to give ultimatums, but I feel like I may not have a choice to see if I can make him cut the cr@p or not. When this whole thing started, I flat out told him I just wanted a friendship and good conversation, but unfortunately, from November until now, I've become attracted. Ugh.Posted by beautifulsoul74Well let me elaborate. If a man finds a woman perfect, he's not going to forget her number. He's also going to move hell and high water to constantly be with her and be a consistent presence. No..."I'm busy." He'll make time.
"Hi...you're perfect!" "Um, what was your number again?"
Tells you everything you need to know.
Sorry but you're a conquest and he's only feeding your ego to build it up so he can break it down, make you insecure and chase him. Him disappearing is him having other irons in the fire pure and simple.
I think my biggest issue is that sometimes I'll feel dumb over this whole thing because it's strictly online, but then at other times, I'm like "what's the big deal?". I know I just need to make up my mind and call his bluff if I want to see any action and if there's none, well, there's my answer.click to expand
One doesn’t go to a dating site wanting to be “just friends.” He knows that you’re interested in more so he does the easiest thing in the world to pull you in...deny you what you want. Do you think he’s on here(or anywhere else) asking questions about you? I doubt it but yet he’s occupying space in your mind rent free and he hasn’t even done anything yet. The no contact thing has a very short shelf life simply because you’ve put more effort into than he has. I may be jumping the gun but thus guy’s bad news. You can go down this path but I can pretty much tell you exactly what’s going to happen. I’ve seen it too often. Stable minded good men don’t pull this crap. Good luck
Posted by HaveBalanceStayElegantPosted by IamTheRamPosted by HaveBalanceStayElegantPosted by IamTheRamSo I actually ended up IMing him before I read this ;x Pretty much telling him that what I was about to say was just me being honest (I said this because this is one of the reasons why he said he loved me) and then I went on to say that he seems to be hot and cold and that I was in no way judging, but was just curious and trying to understand - however, in order for me to do so, I needed him to be the straightforward person that he was. I then said that if he wanted to retract what he said on Friday, then he should do so. I followed up with, if he was upset about the conversation we had, then I'd hope he'd tell me. And then ended with or if this was all a game and he got his kicks, then I would want to know that too just to gauge the situation.
He is an Aries alright, social media...i mean...lol
But the not wanting to talk about himself is as Aries as you can get. Very normal, I for instance don't like to talk about myself..like at all lol Even if I am in a rship for a ton of time... If I don't feel confortable about it, I just don't talk about me. I guess that on this case it depends on the partner i am with. At least that's how i see it.
As for you 2...hummm...the thing towards the end of december, was it you or him that called it off ? (I don't need to know the reason why, just who called it, keep that to yourself ^^).
He is interested in you, but something is off. He is either a very busy guy as you said or The calling things off might turned his fire down alot or...There is another woman.
Not saying that he does have someone else on the radar, as I can't for anything else that I said, but you know...maybe.
If not, or if so lol, well that i Love you thing was his *great* move towards you, and your answer...was a disaster lol and i didn't understand when you said "he didn't made an effort for me to say it." ?!? You know, He kinda just told you lol
And I guess it's normal that you don't hear from him for a while, that's his ego at play hehe ^^
But fear not ! If he is really interested in you he will come back, even if you have to wait a few weeks lol 🙂
So, what should you do. Don't contact him at all, let him reach you. If he is interested in you, he will. Just ignore him for now.
And when you 2 get back into contact again (if you do), lower that 45\55 to 5\95 lol ^^
All in all, just do your thing, and when his fire comes up again, fire him up and not down ^^click to expand
I said that yesterday and he responded this morning stating that he wasn't upset or anything he just gets free and busy randomly which is why his messages are so sporadic.
^I figured as much, but when a guy finally opens up to you one week, says he loves you at the end of that week and then falls off the planet for two days, sometimes you just don't know what to think?
I responded by saying the latter in a nice and breezy way and he hasn't seen the message yet and hasn't responded, but again, this is how our communication has been since the beginning.
To answer your questions:
1) We never had a set date to meet in December. He just mentioned that he wanted to meet during that month and I did too, but then our reach outs to one another stopped simultaneously.
2) When I wrote something along the lines of "He didn't pursue me for my answer" - yeah, I realized how dumb this sounded after I reread that part of my post and reading your response. >_
Posted by MoonbutterNice hat 😂😂😂😂Posted by Pandora101OP read my hat please 😆Posted by HaveBalanceStayEleganthm... you didnt have any other "match" on Tinder, just with him? maybe you should be talking to other matches as well, so to distract yourself from his inconsistency...Posted by Pandora101To be quite honest, I don't know. I highly doubt he's married, but of course, me being the logical person that I am, the thought of him having a girlfriend or pursuing other women while talking to me has crossed my mind multiple times and still does - but I'm also logical enough to not allow myself to become too emotionally invested in this.
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
We don't have mutual friends, we "matched" on Tinder.
do you think he matched only with you?
I know you told to each other to being honest.... but I dont think you can really expect honesty from strangers you met online... they dont really owe you honesty, most of these virtual strangers do what makes them good at the moment
I am not sure Tinder is for friendships, tho, from what I heard
you should really meet him
or at least check some facts about him, internet is your friend 🙂
him not wanting to call you, just messaging, is very telling - he has a girlfriend... that would be an explanation, why he went silent over christmas time, why he is inconsistent
you think you are being honest with him, when you are telling him all the things and analyzing, what he possible want, but it just comes accross too emotional and heavily invested, you know what I mean?
I would suggest to distract yourself and talk to other tinder matches, possibly with somebody who you can actually meet or talk on the phone (that is, if you dont prefer just an online love story, which is fine, but.... whatever you prefer)
click to expand
Posted by AerialViewThanks 😊Posted by MoonbutterNice hat 😂😂😂😂Posted by Pandora101OP read my hat please 😆Posted by HaveBalanceStayEleganthm... you didnt have any other "match" on Tinder, just with him? maybe you should be talking to other matches as well, so to distract yourself from his inconsistency...Posted by Pandora101To be quite honest, I don't know. I highly doubt he's married, but of course, me being the logical person that I am, the thought of him having a girlfriend or pursuing other women while talking to me has crossed my mind multiple times and still does - but I'm also logical enough to not allow myself to become too emotionally invested in this.
Is it possible he is married or lives with a girlfriend? Or has a serious relationship? Do you have some mutual friends, who can vote for this?
it would explain, why is he not so keen on calling you and is inconsistent
I am not sure I beleive he is not on social media
We don't have mutual friends, we "matched" on Tinder.
do you think he matched only with you?
I know you told to each other to being honest.... but I dont think you can really expect honesty from strangers you met online... they dont really owe you honesty, most of these virtual strangers do what makes them good at the moment
I am not sure Tinder is for friendships, tho, from what I heard
you should really meet him
or at least check some facts about him, internet is your friend 🙂
him not wanting to call you, just messaging, is very telling - he has a girlfriend... that would be an explanation, why he went silent over christmas time, why he is inconsistent
you think you are being honest with him, when you are telling him all the things and analyzing, what he possible want, but it just comes accross too emotional and heavily invested, you know what I mean?
I would suggest to distract yourself and talk to other tinder matches, possibly with somebody who you can actually meet or talk on the phone (that is, if you dont prefer just an online love story, which is fine, but.... whatever you prefer)
click to expand
***UPDATE***
So after the whole "I love you" fiasco, he reached out a few times during the week. It got to the point where I just flat out asked him to reach out to me when he had 10-15 minutes. When he reached out, I brought up his whole "I love you" incident and asked if he still felt that way.
He said he did.
I then told him that it made me happy to know he felt that way and happy that he still believed he felt that way, but then I told him that I wanted to meet to be sure that he still felt that way in person.
He typed for a bit and started out by saying that we always promised each other honesty from the beginning and that he wasn't going to go back on that so here it was: He thinks I'm beautiful and amazing, but he admitted that after he told me he loved me, he's been freaking out which is why he's been distant. He then brought up the fact that he was previously in a 7 year relationship which he's not entirely over and that he didn't want either of us to get hurt and he knows he's not ready to try again.
I asked what freaked him out and he said just the idea of trying again.
I told him I understood completely and told him that the last time he asked me if I loved him, I had said that I probably could if this progressed in the right direction and that I believed that had we moved this on to something more tangible which is why I asked about meeting. I told him I thought he was an extraordinary person and that when he said he loved me, the school girl in me wanted to say it back, but the logical part of me never forgot the promise that I made to myself after I got out of my 9 year relationship - that promise being that I wouldn't say those words again until I felt confident that the person I was saying it to would actually know what to do with the love I'd give.
We talked a bit more, and he said he was glad that I at least felt something too and I went on to say that if he wanted, we could be friends, but that if we were, he needed to know that I wouldn't expect anything from the friendship - simply because I know it'd be unfair of me to do so and I'm not that type of person.
So after the whole "I love you" fiasco, he reached out a few times during the week. It got to the point where I just flat out asked him to reach out to me when he had 10-15 minutes. When he reached out, I brought up his whole "I love you" incident and asked if he still felt that way.
He said he did.
I then told him that it made me happy to know he felt that way and happy that he still believed he felt that way, but then I told him that I wanted to meet to be sure that he still felt that way in person.
He typed for a bit and started out by saying that we always promised each other honesty from the beginning and that he wasn't going to go back on that so here it was: He thinks I'm beautiful and amazing, but he admitted that after he told me he loved me, he's been freaking out which is why he's been distant. He then brought up the fact that he was previously in a 7 year relationship which he's not entirely over and that he didn't want either of us to get hurt and he knows he's not ready to try again.
I asked what freaked him out and he said just the idea of trying again.
I told him I understood completely and told him that the last time he asked me if I loved him, I had said that I probably could if this progressed in the right direction and that I believed that had we moved this on to something more tangible which is why I asked about meeting. I told him I thought he was an extraordinary person and that when he said he loved me, the school girl in me wanted to say it back, but the logical part of me never forgot the promise that I made to myself after I got out of my 9 year relationship - that promise being that I wouldn't say those words again until I felt confident that the person I was saying it to would actually know what to do with the love I'd give.
We talked a bit more, and he said he was glad that I at least felt something too and I went on to say that if he wanted, we could be friends, but that if we were, he needed to know that I wouldn't expect anything from the friendship - simply because I know it'd be unfair of me to do so and I'm not that type of person.
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But ever since the beginning of our friendship, he's always been so inconsistent - sometimes its evident that he's an Aries (sexual drive, bluntness, ambition) but other times you would swear that he was more Libra than I am! Below is a gist of his behavior by each month any analysis or thoughts on this is immensely appreciated:
November 2017~
-We start talking, the first few IMs is like pulling teeth to get him to talk.
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-He also expresses his honesty in what he's looking for in a woman, flat out admits he needs both mental and physical attraction.
December 2017~
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-He expresses his want to meet me some time during this month. Well, life happened as it may for both of us, and that didn't happen.
I didn't hear from him for a whole week towards the end of the year and me being the level-headed person I am assumed that he was done and probably found someone more compatible. So then I send him an IM pretty much wishing him a Happy New Year and that I hadn't heard from him in a while so I assume he's either super busy or found someone of interest - regardless I wished him the best.
Two days later, he reached out to me and said he hadn't found someone else. I thought about asking what happened for that week, but I figured we were still in the early stages of the friendship, so it wasn't my place to ask.
January 2017~
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-He asks to see me often, which is something he's done since the beginning - seems pretty normal since we've never met in person and we live in different counties.
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February 2017~
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