Cancer man inlove with Tuarus woman break up

ok........


I am Lance 24 (19/07/84) and she is Aimee 19 (28/03/89).....we have been best friend for about 4 years......at the start of this year I left my long term girlfriend (30 octber 89) and I helped her get rid of a guy in her life who was destroying her (for wich her father still thanks me) and me and Aimee starting going out shortly after......things were great we were sharing things like never before....we went on holiday with my our group of friends and things went brilliantly even though we had our moments (i'm insecure what can I say) but then around my birthday she was back at work long shifts at a hotel...sometimes 15 hours! over weekends too.....so she would say start work at 3pm wednesday and then come home at 3am go to bed get up in time to go to work...repeat cyle for 5 days.....so we didnt get the time together anymore.....then the last time we had sex things went badly for me and didnt last long at all and I felt as most guys do totally shattered and ego bruised and like I had t prove myself to her....I became pushy to try get her to stay over...started taking offence to her little insultants.....basically all got out of my control......I was hurting and I couldnt get her to help me.......so we broke....wich I think I pushed on her aswell 😢 she just told me she needed her best friend back (me) it's been a month......we started talking a few days after the break up and she said she needed me to get her through her work day and needed me as an escort to go visit afriend with a broken leg as she didnt want to go in his house alone......anyway...I lost it and tried to talk to her infront of people......

things got worse and worse as I couldnt get a grip.....

I took her to the zoo in london as she was lonely...we had a great day...she laughed and smiled and was so happy....


long story short....she is working now.....and about to go to uni on the 29/09 today I decided I could not do this dance.....everytime I said I needed space ro anything she seemed to get really cross/worried....

today I said to her basically....."your better off with out me and I think after your fairwell on saturday we dont talk anymore" she just repleied with "What. No."

I have not been in contact since.....friends and her family tell me to keep trying....that she is just freaked out about uni and the stress of work.....but I feel I damaged the trust we had that let us open up to each other......she is the first girl I see as beautifull..help

thats my mistake....it was april..........typo I fear

what do you expect her to do? you keep pushing her away and expecting her to come back every single time - we are patient, and we love you crabs [I'm a bull by the way] but after you pull that crap so many times how can you expect to be trusted? I suggest if you're srious you prove it to her - and no more running away when you get scared - if you want her, MEAN IT.

Mind_crash,

I have to agree with Angel... bulls like stability. Anyway... here's my opinion.

She is still young. Right now here priorities are going to school and her job. As a Taurus, when I am trying to achieve my goals, nothing and no one can side track me. I think you both will make a favourable match, but for right now, I would not push her. If she wants you to be friends then I suggest that you go with the flow. That way you can still hang out with her and know what's going on in her life without all the pressures of being in a relationship.

Sometimes the pressure of being a couple is very over bearing when you have other things that you are focused on. She cares for you and values your relationship and does not seem to want to end it, but I think you are expecting a little too much. Cancers are clingy, Taurus can be too, but Taurus craves stability and after our goals are accomplished we can sit back and relax.

Keep the friendship and try to not be so demanding (I know you're probably not literally) but wanting her to be available on your time is just not possible right now, so you have to find other ways of being with her while not asking too much. Just accept it for want it is right now and when she completes school, her efforts will be steered more towards you. She will appreciate the fact that you were there for her during this time and she will not forget you for it.

Good luck!

THanks guys..I will try my best...I do love her....it just so hard to know whats going on.........I will not push her away anymore

xangelfishx whats the best way to prove it to her.....I have very little time before she goes to uni and it may then be weeks before I see her....I have been a super loyal friend to her....I broke up with someone I had been going out with for 3 years to be with her....she has always been in my heart she is the only person I have met I truely open up to....her friends say I am the only person she talks to....all though not anymore.....how do I show I mean it with out her just thinking I am saying it to say it

That's a difficult question to asnwer - everyone needs somethingdifferent, and even if I had the catch all answer I couldn't give it to you - because it has to be genuine, in my mind at least.... for a guiy to prove to me that he wants me he needs to do what I expect him to without me telling him what it is - because then I will know that he is doing it because he really means it and being with me and wanting the same things that I do is what HE really wants, not just something he's doing to make ME happy - I can only imagine that she would feel the same because we are very sincere people and don't expect to be catered to - we expect to be with someone who wants what we want.

Thanks Angel....I know exactly what i have to do now

I'm a bit curious about your response... you know EXACTLY what you need to do? If you don't mind, what is that exactly? Just purely out of curiosity....... of course if you'd prefer not to say I understand.

I need to give her what she needs.no matter what it is.It's what I have always done and it's what got us together in the first place.So I think I need to listen and be there.support her when she needs it and just get back to how I was that got us together in the first place becuase it was when I saw her happiest......she told me last night she thought I was going to abandon her and I was just like the others.....I told her i'm not just like the others and as far as I am concerned yes I have been a fool but I am not going to push of give up anymore.

yes it's hard trying to jump into being friends with someone who broke your heart...and I'm still finding out how to handle it...I am going to give her what she needs ,what she wants...she needs a friend and thats what i'll be I need to get back into listening to her...I dont just mean to what she says...I mean really listening...not sure if it's a bull thing but it's not like she will openly tell me what she needs easily so it's a challenge trying to listen and feel what she needs but you know what to see her smile and laugh is worth all the heartache I have ever had....so angel like you said I just need to get back to knowing what she needs I used to but things got out of control on my end I need to get back to listening to her...frankly I cant imagine my day with out knowing she is on the other end of a phone/car trip/letter/flight/train/long walk.......

I think She always seems to need a man in her life...no matter what form he takes.........hopefully I can be that man in one way or another build that connection back up and just hope it leads where I want it to lead.

well as an update....basically she told me ...she was upset and me saying I couldnt talk to her anymore made her feel like i was just like the others (not sure what she means and not sure looking deeply into is a good idea)....so I told her I was sorry about yesterday and how I felt about it and that I wasnt sure how much it still means me saying it but that I promise I will be try harder.........


got the typical reply of........Oh right ok.........wich is the sort of trade make oneline reply she gives most people.....so guess I am back in the most people barrol!....I guess it's a start.....I should be seeing her tomorrow night and possibly tonight....after that I believe that will be it......next week of to uni she goes.....and at the moment I highly doubt the invites to visit her are still in place...so will probabbly be xmas before I see her again

Dont mind me flooding this thread just like getting it all out.........keeping wishing there was someway to really show her how sorry I am about all of this........but I think trying to rush anything is a bad idea......or for her to think I am trying to rush anything....

flood all you want - it's your thread.

Why don't you just ask her if you're still invited to visit her? If it IS what she wants it will probably make her very happy that you asked, if it isn't I'm sure she'll tell you, but it's not likely she'll upset or make you uncomfortable about it.

I think I will do that 🙂......I really need to learn not to lose it so much during a break-up.....was just impossible for me to jump into the friendship so fast....

She is just one of the most incredible people I have ever met.....never had as much fun as I have with her....thats what it boils down to.....if nothing else I enjoyed being her hero for a while!

ok.....well things were tense so I went drinking last night with friends.......managed to get myself on the dance floor even!!! huge leap for me....it was her granddads funneral....she was really upset as her dad was upset and she really really cares for him.....so I just said my heart goes out to them both and left her her space.....I went drinking and she went drinking with her family (she hardly ever gets drunk says she doesnt like it at all) so then later she text me a couple of times....said she wanted her best friend back she was hurting at the thought of not talking.....so I said ok and how i felt..then at about 2:30 when I got home she sent me another saying she was not sleeping and had been crying and was really upset (big deal for me as she doesnt share easily) so i decided best beat was to just cheer her up....reminded her of some of the good times we had when we went on holiday and just things like that to get her smilling...so hoping it's a step in the right direction...very hard for me not to be pushy and try to rush things....

More likely she wanted to see you.... When I'm upset and crying I don't talk to anyone about it unless I REALLY need someone there. Otherwise I keep to myself.

well that makes sense.....she talked to me again last night about how she really hates that she seems to be alone......went out for a drink with her mom and said it was really rubbish that all her old school friends were out and didnt even seem to want to know her and how all of us as a group never got together enough...seemed really angry and like she was blamming me/our group of friends...........just said for now...it's rubbish it makes her feel like that but atleast when she goes to uni she'll make new friends and meet someone incredible becuase she has every quality anyone could want in a friend and a partner...I think I may have to just give up....I think I am just her friend and always now will be...think what we had wasnt amazing for her....I dont think there is enough of an amazing relationship for her to want to go back to....wich is a shame as I think our lies were just not in the right place when we went out....maybe if things had been more stable...so just gonna be there for her as much as I can now...think just accepting it is the wa forward.....not what I realy want but I think it's what gonna have to happen

dont understand why this time is so different....why i wanted this to work so badly....think maybe falling in love with your best friend is a lesson learned

I think you're being a stupid, insecure cancer - no offense, but I can tell you from personal experience that your idea of how she views you and your relationship is WRONG. And you're only defeating yourself by thinking that way.

If you love her then you need to tell her that and stop hiding behind your ridiculous cancerian fears.

no offence taken.......I know thats how I am.....it's a massive weakness.....I just cant seem to pull myself together!!!!

well if you care about this girl then you need to stop being a coward and do it.

you said you were going to start listening to her, but you're not listening to her at all. She's reaching out to you when she's hurting and you've got your walls in place.

I do care......and it's my walls I need to sort out....I hate not knowing how to do thingd........hate it when someone cant just say....it is xyz........I will try harder to sort me out for her

but it IS xyz.... you're trying to be aloof and get HER to come out and say "I want to be with you" when the fact is YOU are the one who has run away from HER - it is YOUR responsibility to fix it - not hers.

You need to lose the walls and insecurity crap and just be straight with her about what you want. It's not as big a decision or as difficult as you are making it out to be. If you never risk getting hurt, you never risk being happy. And if you don't do SOMETHING you WILL lose her, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

I'm sorry to be harsh - but you need to stop making excuses for yourself and DO SOEMTHING.

no offence taken I dont mind people being harsh I need people to push me! sh eis the one that left me though.....I guess your right....I know I know fears......but I feel at teh monement like I am now placed in the catergory of everyone else......she is clearly having an incredibly hard time and last night she said to me that anyone could say anything to her or about her and she just wouldnt care.......starting to feel like I am becomming indifferent to her....but your right I am probablly viewing it al wrong...I mean we all got together for a meal yesterday (my attempt to cheer her up after her saying she never sees her friends....) and I mean she cam and sat near me first....so I think perhaps I still have a little standing......everyone of her friends and my friends seems to just think so little of her lately and it's all getting a little too much for her....and I was getting involved in it too.....I will tell her all this week!

I had to go back and re-read what you wrote - I remembered something about you saying you needed space. Whether that was while you were broken up or was the cause of a break up - still the things you've said in your first post indicate you were pushing her away - pushing her to break up with you [been there with a crab.......]it's a tough position to be in, we bulls are very up front and we need you to be up front with us.

Look, I really think she has gotten the impression that YOU don't want HER [again, something I have experience with in a bull/crab relationship....] and it seems like she is "putting out feelers" because she wants you back but isn't sure what you feel.

Personally I am more forward than most - especially in matters of the heart - many bulls say they aren't that expressive when they're not sure about how someone feels about them. If she's going away and you feel you'll lose her anyway then you have nothing to lose. If she rejects you [which I doubt she will based on what you've said of her recent behavior] then at least you can move on knowing you made every effort, rather than always wondering what would have happened.

I felt like that......I felt like evne when I knew something was wrong that I pushed her till she finally said she needed her best friend back and thats how she saw me now............she rginally told me she wanted me to move on then she needed me.......then sort of indifference......now sort of angry.........I want tell her but at the moment i'm sure she will reject me as she seems to come across like everyone has abondonned her.....I think I should give it time then tell her....how can she possibly accept me know when she seems to be blamming me for hurting her and breaking the trust?

I think maybe I should just tell her like you say now and then just move on if she turns me down

I think you may be right about the "feelers" I happen to know for a fact on a certain social networking site there is an application for posting ones' feelings in secret......

there is one on there that said "I am afraid of what he has to say about me and too me, thats not love"

and only twigged last night as she said the same thing too me about how she now didnt care what people had to say about her to to her at teh moment and would just kill us all later for it.....

may be looking too much into things but perhaps it's another insight into how she is feeling about me

may be looking too much into things but perhaps it's another insight into how she is feeling about me

Mind_crash you seem confused,

This woman NEEDS your love right now. SHe has lost her grand dad and she is calling out for you and you are worried more about being a friend to her over being a lover.

Most women NEED to know that you want them. If you don't esp. right now, she is going to leave and she will proabably NEVER do anything else to try to reconcile your relationship because push and pulling away from a women will make her LEAVE you.

If the timing is wrong for you too being lovers, then the timing is wrong but don't hold that against being a friend to her in her time of need.

Call her, be there for her, go and SEE her don't just text her, she wants to SEE your face. She doesn't want an invisible man, no woman wants an invisible, unattainable man.

mind_crash - her anger is EXACTLY why she WON'T reject you..... she is letting you know that SHE IS HURT and NEEDS you. Believe me, if that weren't the case she wouldn't care what you thought [no REALLY - not this fishing for answers stuff] and wouldn't be angry - she CARES enough to be angry with you..... if you wait you will screw it up.... she will meet someone else who makes her the feel the way she wanted YOU to make her feel and she will RESENT YOU. Man up NOW before it's too late.

I think the problem here is that you put too much pressure on yourself to be different just because you were in a different type of relationshi[p - you can still be the best friend she always had AND be her boyfriend..... in fact you SHOULD always be both.

I need to sort this out then.....but now she will be at work....I mean she will be leaving nw and wont be back till about 4am!!!!....I used to meet her after work in a car park sometimes just to let her know I was around.....might be an idea again!

I used to meet her after work in a car park sometimes just to let her know I was around.....might be an idea again!

I think the lady is crying out for affection right now and yes, that would probably be a good idea. Most women want their men to be friends too! I don't know if it kills initimacy but are mates need to be our friends too!

typo-our mates need to be our friends too!

ok well I didnt get to see her last night...I think perhaps the only time I will be able to see her is friday (her last night here) we are all going for a movie and meal........when I drop everyone at home I should be able to get her alone....now all I need are the words!!!! I need an action....need something to show her I can put in the effort and I have put in the effort and that it's not just words.....need to show her I love her.....just wish I knew how now! just not sure what to do for her

how about you just tell her the truth? Tell her you've felt insecure and not sure about her feelings and that you've been trying to just be what she needs you to but you're not sure what that is and all you really want is to be with her? [I'm gleaning all of this from these posts....] and hell, you may as well go ahead and tell her you even came to an astrology site looking for advice because you were so confused - what better way to show her you mean it than opening up completely and letting her know what you've been going through?

My personal opinion is that you should always tell the complete truth about your thoughts and emotions and realize that the right person for you will respect you and love you for it - not reject you.

if you tell her all of that and it makes her run - then clearly she doesn't care about you the way you obviously deserve for her to - and I really don't think that is the case.

I hope my advice doesn't give you a complex.... what I'm meaning to say is that as I mentioned she wouldn't be so angry with you if she didn't care, so even though it might seem scary to open up like that - especially since you think she's mad at you - her actions indicate that she wants to be with you too. Otherwise I can honestly say she wouldn't have any contact with you - I can completely identify with her and I know how frustrating it is to feel the way she does. That anger and frustration wouldn't exist if she didn't feel as strongly about you as you do about her.

I just hope everything I have put in my posts is not in anyway twisted in my own head! I have given her the usual hard time......hiding away in my shell snapping at her one could say!

she orginally said she wanted me to move on......and I am sure she feels like I do not show her love......hence the post on the secrets site....so surely she wouldnt do that unless she wanted me to see it and perhaps realise what I was doing to her with out her havnig to say it.....


I am going to tell her


I know I have acted in ways that you dont want and it's no way to show you I love you.I have made mistakes and I have been so cuaght up in my insecurites and not sure what you were feeling.....I signed up to an astrology site for help...I am not sure how else to show you that I can be the man you need now....I love you and I want to be with you...


heading into meeting now!!! more advice welcome!

ok I have a short period on lunch to type this up..........

doesnt seem like I will see her till friday....


so on friday I am going to tell her everything I feel....and I am going try get as much out now on here as I can for opions!

I am going to avoid saying anything about her....I tend to have been doing that for awhile! and thats not right and I know how she feels about it.

basic outline will be

Aimee I have been under a huge amount of stress these last few months........I have dont think I have treated you with the respect or shown you the caring and love and support I did at the then end of last year and the begining of this year......I think I have made you feel really angry and hurt at me and by me and that I didnt act in a way that showed just how much I love you......I have no excuse for my behaviour....I was totally insecure about how you felt about me and I let that effect me and get between us and I have no one but myself to blame.....I just got more and more worried and withdrawn and was attacking as I felt more and more insecure when I feel it was the last thing you needed....I love you....I need you as my stable.....I want to be what you need me to be for you I was just never...I want to give you the support and caring and love that I feel I havent lately....I have signed up to a astrolgy site as I was so confused and lost about how I was feeling and what had been going on so I could just get some help.....they all helped me amazingly to see what I can be......I want to be the man I know I know I can be........I can be your best friend..........I can be more.........I love you and I want to be with you no matter how long that takes

so let me know what you think.....especially angel...........also..........until I see her the only means of communication I have are via text......is there anything you can recommend I say....text is an emoitnless medium sometimes....but at the moment it's all I have! ofcourse she is her own person....but what would give you indicators?

if that is how yo8u feel then that is what you need to tell her.
Is text really your ONLY form of communication? It may seem corny but have you thought about sending flowers? Not roses - the different colors have implications and you don't want her reading into to them at the moment..... but just something to let her know you're thinking and caring and that she's on your mind every second? I suggest this because it may not be the best idea to completely spring all of this on her at the very last minute the night before she leaves = she will be wrought with emotion as it is.... soften her up and let her know that there are things on your mind.... not in so many words, but just something that lets her know there are feelings there you haven't expressed yet.
If you can't do that, then just keep up the texting as much as possible so she knows she's on your mind every second - I don't mean bombard her literally every second with texts like "where are you?" "what are you doing".... just nice little "I was thinking about you" kind of stuff through the day to let her know you miss her.

Angel.....for the moment yes....and for a long time it was our primary form of communication (circa 3200 messages in one month I remember.....) yes we do talk face to face and we are still talking now but it's manily jokes and silly things and cheering her up etc.....in the begining as I am sure I put in the other posts I did lose it as she tried right away to be my friend......telling me she needed me etc.....and I just couldnt handle...she made it quite clear then to move on.....but then when I try she seems to want to be near....I will try the flowers......it's a good idea....just not sure what to put in the card....perhaps nothing? just indicate they are from me?


maybe I am being selfish....I am just terrified if I dont do it then then I wont get a chance again.....she said I am still invited to come and visit her at uni when ever I want.....I will take her up on that but I was thinking I do not want to crowd her right away!

I dont know I think too much!!! I feel I left her alone and was attacking her since about my birthday......the period between before xmas and about the first 3 months of the year I tried harder ever day I woke up becuase of her.....then somehoe I just lost it all.....pressure pressure is all I did.....pointed out every little thing that was getting to me demanding her time etc etc.....just want to say sorry...I just dont want her to stand there and shake her shoulders and say "I don't know what to say".....but I guess I must just get over my fear and go for it!

I need her in my life.....and I want her more than I want anything! and I think the last 3 months or more I havent shown her that...I need to correct it but I am panicing over the lack of face time I have to do it!

In all honesty...just hoping it gets her thinking...maybe gets her thinking twice before some charming uni guy sweeps her away.......i think right now she needs friends...and i think of and the group have failed her in that respect......i hope it's a start to us trying again....i don't expect her to jump back in....i hope that it's the start of getting that spark back....then if it works when her 2nd year starts i will consider finding work and moving up to her...no doubt in my mind about it....i think perhaps the distance and the new people in her life will be good....thats what i want....i want it to work somehow....i want to be everything i can be and thats how i felt with her in the start.

In all honesty...just hoping it gets her thinking...maybe gets her thinking twice before some charming uni guy sweeps her away.......i think right now she needs friends...and i think of and the group have failed her in that respect......i hope it's a start to us trying again....i don't expect her to jump back in....i hope that it's the start of getting that spark back....then if it works when her 2nd year starts i will consider finding work and moving up to her...no doubt in my mind about it....i think perhaps the distance and the new people in her life will be good....thats what i want....i want it to work somehow....i want to be everything i can be and thats how i felt with her in the start.

when I mentioned other forms of communication I meant the flowers as one of them.... communication isn't always verbal - and my intent in suggesting them was to mitigate the fact that you waited until the last minute...as I said, so you don't spring it on her at the very last moment. You don't need to put anything really meaningful in a card because you're going to tell her in person how you feel - it's just something to let her know that you HAVE been feeling this way and that telling her Friday night isn't a reaction to the emotional situation.

leokitten, I respect your advice, but I don't know that SHE would see it as smothering - I don't know she wouldn't either, but from what he is saying she is acting the way I would..... so I'm telling him from my perspective as another taurus female who would be acting this way in this situation what it looks like she wants.... we bulls are the partnering type... we don't usually go through a "wild and free" phase. I'll admit I could be all wrong - but like I said, everything he's saying about her behavior resonates with me.

thanks angel........I will try that....I know she's not into roses...just need to get a good mixture of nice rich colours I think.....I will get them sent off today 🙂

I havent slept right in about a month now....starting to really get to me....

I will admit that I am terrified about tell her everything on friday....mainly becuase I am terrified it will do nothing....or that like I said before she wil just sit there and say "I dont know what you want me to say".........The advice from a cancer friend last night (female) was that for her what fixed her relationship was a long gap of 4 months as she was also dating a best friend.......but I think in my heart I know that if i backed off for that amount of time she would quickly be scooped up by someone that makes her feel the way I did and the way...like angel said.....she wants me to make her feel....I just really really need to show her on friday that the way I have been acting with my push pull....the pressure I placed on her the none support.....all of that was my insecurties.......and that if I made her feel hurt, unsupported and unloved that somehow I can show her I can see it now....and that I know I can be what she needs........becuase I need her.....I am just so worried becuase of all that has happened that she wont truely believe me when I say I love her.......does that make sense?

I understand what you're saying - more than I care to admit. It's hard for us bulls to understand how someone who loves us could have doubts for even a moment... we make up our minds and that is that - so the indecision of crabs, whil e we understand what is going on - we don't COMPREHend it. We don't get why you guys need to do that.

As for your cancer friend.... cancer females are very different from both cancer males, and taurus females. Long periods of time apart don't "fix" things for us - it plants a seed of doubt.... it convinces us that you don't want us and we are not easily changed; going from believing that someone wants to be with you, to understanding that they don't is a change, and once we've made that change it's hard for us to change back. Once our minds are set that's it. So your best chance is to talk to her now.... not wait and let the doubt grow stronger - because you won't be able to fix it later. You could be right [I doubt it] but she could shrug and say "what am I supposed to do/say?" but if she does you won't be any worse off than you are now, and the longer you wait the more likely it is she'll say that.

I've wondered if I've made the right choices in the area of love - but I've never regreted..... I always think it's best to give it a try than risk losing something really special. What's meant to be will be and what isn't won't be - but that doesn't mean you can just sit around and WAIT for it to happen... you have to take action to make it happen. Even something that is "meant to be" won't happen if you sit there and do nothing.... you know what will happen if you wait? that "meant to be" will sit around waiting on YOU.
And that is not just advice for this girl - that's advice that you, as a cancer, need in general.