misswhitlock
@misswhitlock
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 13 · Topics: 1
Cancer Man pulling away. What to do?
Hey OP, if he is retreating into his shell my honest answer is to give up, because there's nothing you can do about it. When they are in their shell trying to get them out is like pulling teeth. It's frustrating and you realize you??ll do better to just leave them in there until they are ready to come out. However not all Cancers are evil when in their shell (it depends on their chart as a whole), some of them appreciate support, not —sympathetic?? support while in there but more of a —friendly reminder?? that they have someone to turn to when they finally decide to come back out.
That being said, lets for a moment take his sign out of this. The biggest red flag that stuck out like a sore thumb to me is when you mentioned a date and he shyed away. That's not cancer man behavior that's called —Everything was cool, why she trying to be extra?? kind of behavior, more like a behavior of a man that's trying to have his cake and eat too. Cancer??s love to take their woman out, and spend time with her. Honestly when he's in a good mood there's no place he??d rather be. Most are homebody??s, but when they are dating and they really like a woman the one's I??ve known have been guilty of damn near spoiling a woman. However I want to mention, if he's tight on money a date that requires money is out of the window and you can forget it! The spoiling only takes place if they have it to spoil you and won't miss it. Cancer??s don't play about money, and wasting it is not an option.
I would say communicate your wants for more with him, but him avoiding me at a party would put a halt to that thought immediately. I wish I would sleep with someone MORE THAN ONCE, and show up somewhere he acts like he doesn't know me. His number would likely get deleted right then and there. I read your story and I'm confused on where you sent mixed signals? It almost seems like you??re taking the rap for a guy that got busy with you and is now fading away. When a guy truly likes you he doesn't act like that, and it doesn't do you any good to baby him or make excuses for him just because he's a cancer. Just saying.
That being said, lets for a moment take his sign out of this. The biggest red flag that stuck out like a sore thumb to me is when you mentioned a date and he shyed away. That's not cancer man behavior that's called —Everything was cool, why she trying to be extra?? kind of behavior, more like a behavior of a man that's trying to have his cake and eat too. Cancer??s love to take their woman out, and spend time with her. Honestly when he's in a good mood there's no place he??d rather be. Most are homebody??s, but when they are dating and they really like a woman the one's I??ve known have been guilty of damn near spoiling a woman. However I want to mention, if he's tight on money a date that requires money is out of the window and you can forget it! The spoiling only takes place if they have it to spoil you and won't miss it. Cancer??s don't play about money, and wasting it is not an option.
I would say communicate your wants for more with him, but him avoiding me at a party would put a halt to that thought immediately. I wish I would sleep with someone MORE THAN ONCE, and show up somewhere he acts like he doesn't know me. His number would likely get deleted right then and there. I read your story and I'm confused on where you sent mixed signals? It almost seems like you??re taking the rap for a guy that got busy with you and is now fading away. When a guy truly likes you he doesn't act like that, and it doesn't do you any good to baby him or make excuses for him just because he's a cancer. Just saying.
You should have never did friends with benefits. I notice a lot of women do that, then expect the guy to care for them. You should have waited til you was in a relationship to have sex. At least then, that guy would have respected you more. Trust me on this, if a Cancer guy really cares about you, you WILL know. You won't even have to question our love. If he truly desires you, he'll make an effort to be in your life. For now on, no more sex until a solid relationship is formed 1st. That's for all the women who see this. Don't get a guy your cookie, if he ain't worked for it for at least 2months. So if he values you, he won't disappear like that. Plus would you even want someone who does that women?? I don't think so. Throw astrology out the window for now, because real men Cancer or not don't leave his woman at all. Hope i helped 🙂
Posted by pinklibra
I would say communicate your wants for more with him, but him avoiding me at a party would put a halt to that thought immediately. I wish I would sleep with someone MORE THAN ONCE, and show up somewhere he acts like he doesn't know me. His number would likely get deleted right then and there. I read your story and I'm confused on where you sent mixed signals? It almost seems like you??re taking the rap for a guy that got busy with you and is now fading away. When a guy truly likes you he doesn't act like that, and it doesn't do you any good to baby him or make excuses for him just because he's a cancer. Just saying.
Thanks for taking the time to help me!
He didn't ignore me completely at the party, we hung out like normal, it's just he was acting very distant and not like his usual self. What I am confused with is if he is not interested, why is he still initiating conversations? /maybe he wants to be just friends/ but in my experience, guys usually just completely disappear if they don't want to sleep with you again. And if he did just want to be that why was he clingy towards me after the first time? (Just to get me in bed again?)
And in my opinion my mixed signals were >> being platonic friends with him (he made a lot of moves on me when we were friends and I kept rejecting him), then suddenly sleeping with him, then pulling away, then sleeping with him again, then now that he's the one pulling away, i feel like im the one pursuing, etc. and its an ongoing thing.
I do know what you mean that I can't make excuses for him cuz he's cancer. and i do have to take that into account, I'm just at a loss. And I feel like I don't want to let it go cuz he's a really great guy and I really felt like he felt the same way towards me. We were pretty good friends too.. // I want to communicate my wants with him and tell him how i feel etc, but I find it really hard to bring it up, especially just over text, and i'm not sure how to go about seeing him in person for these types of things.
@2BlackIndian3
Thanks for taking the time to help me! And he has been working at it for a year haha. I did it cuz I felt comfortable with him and it felt like a natural way of heading towards something rather than formalities. But you're completely right, I shouldn't have gone into it assuming more.
But I felt that he did care for me, or that he still does. >> after we slept together the first time I went away on holiday and he was showering me with compliments and he was saying stuff like "I want to make you happy" and said he missed me a lot and literally would not stop texting me and FB messaging me and instagramming, it was really overwhelming and I felt like he wanted more out of me.... i guess not?
Thanks for taking the time to help me! And he has been working at it for a year haha. I did it cuz I felt comfortable with him and it felt like a natural way of heading towards something rather than formalities. But you're completely right, I shouldn't have gone into it assuming more.
But I felt that he did care for me, or that he still does. >> after we slept together the first time I went away on holiday and he was showering me with compliments and he was saying stuff like "I want to make you happy" and said he missed me a lot and literally would not stop texting me and FB messaging me and instagramming, it was really overwhelming and I felt like he wanted more out of me.... i guess not?
If something is bothering you, it's best to talk about it with your partner instead of holding it in. You gotta let him know you got feelings too. It's best to meet up in person to discuss issues. Because in person, you can look in his eyes & tell if he telling the truth. Anyways i'm just telling the truth here
He only did all that stuff because you slept with him a lot, not because of anything you did to make him happy. I wouldn't even want to deal with someone like that. He probably don't respect you either. Because, if he did, he wouldn't be acting this way. So for now on, no more sex at all until you know for sure that you are gonna be with the guy for a long time. He actions shows he doesn't care
Posted by 2BlackIndian3
You should have never did friends with benefits. I notice a lot of women do that, then expect the guy to care for them. You should have waited til you was in a relationship to have sex. At least then, that guy would have respected you more. Trust me on this, if a Cancer guy really cares about you, you WILL know. You won't even have to question our love. If he truly desires you, he'll make an effort to be in your life. For now on, no more sex until a solid relationship is formed 1st. That's for all the women who see this. Don't get a guy your cookie, if he ain't worked for it for at least 2months. So if he values you, he won't disappear like that. Plus would you even want someone who does that women?? I don't think so. Throw astrology out the window for now, because real men Cancer or not don't leave his woman at all. Hope i helped 🙂
I knew it. I just knew it.lol. I like this.
^ Yeah i get what you mean. I just thought that it was me, that I was confusing and frustrating him so he pulled away. I just feel led on now?... Even though I know he is a good guy, we're close friends and he does care about me, perhaps just not in that way. He's not being very direct with anything either so it's just confusing for me too.
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.
Hmm. Now it makes sense. Pushing a cancer away at first may make him retreat into his shell, and come back out with more ways to get you.lol. If you were showing some sort of interest, I think that was enough initiative for him to continue coming at you.
Honestly I feel you can make a man wait a year, two years, it doesn't matter. If they aren't taking you out, and actually investing that quality time then I don't feel they realize the difference. Plus if your not his woman, if your not screwing him someone else is. Men are not like us, if one woman wont another woman will. So I wouldn't be surprised if someone else was filling in on the sex while you made him wait. Bottom line, if a man has a problem taking you out then he's not serious about you. I don't care if all he does is take you for ice cream and a walk in the park. Chilling at his crib, or him chilling at yours does not show that he's ready for it to go to the next level. To me when all they wanna do is chill, they are only in it for a chill buddy, or friends with benefits nothing more. You set the tone as the woman in the relationship. And remember how you start, is often how you finish. If you want to be taken out, then say that. Don't be afraid to lose him.
Read the book —Think like a Man, Act like a Lady.?? By Steve Harvey LOL. Seriously, it will help. The one thing I took from that book helps you with all men, regardless of their sign is that —When a man truly wants you, and truly likes you there is nothing you can say or do to scare him off.?? Meaning don't be afraid to tell him what you want and what you??re looking for because women often make the mistake of thinking men already know, and in more cases than some they honestly don't. And the last thing you want a man to do is try to guess what you want, oh Lord they almost always guess wrong! lol
Honestly I feel you can make a man wait a year, two years, it doesn't matter. If they aren't taking you out, and actually investing that quality time then I don't feel they realize the difference. Plus if your not his woman, if your not screwing him someone else is. Men are not like us, if one woman wont another woman will. So I wouldn't be surprised if someone else was filling in on the sex while you made him wait. Bottom line, if a man has a problem taking you out then he's not serious about you. I don't care if all he does is take you for ice cream and a walk in the park. Chilling at his crib, or him chilling at yours does not show that he's ready for it to go to the next level. To me when all they wanna do is chill, they are only in it for a chill buddy, or friends with benefits nothing more. You set the tone as the woman in the relationship. And remember how you start, is often how you finish. If you want to be taken out, then say that. Don't be afraid to lose him.
Read the book —Think like a Man, Act like a Lady.?? By Steve Harvey LOL. Seriously, it will help. The one thing I took from that book helps you with all men, regardless of their sign is that —When a man truly wants you, and truly likes you there is nothing you can say or do to scare him off.?? Meaning don't be afraid to tell him what you want and what you??re looking for because women often make the mistake of thinking men already know, and in more cases than some they honestly don't. And the last thing you want a man to do is try to guess what you want, oh Lord they almost always guess wrong! lol
Thanks @pinklibra ! And no, he told me it's been 2 years since he's had any, but I get what you mean. And I think I watched the movie adaption of that book? I'm unsure though.
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite 😛
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite 😛
Thanks @este8 I appreciate the honesty and knowledge 🙂
I need to learn how to be less trusting. Sex always used to be such a casual thing for me, and it hasn't really hurt me in the past til this guy. I guess it's different since I actually had feelings for him, oh well.
I'll try to move on i guess
I need to learn how to be less trusting. Sex always used to be such a casual thing for me, and it hasn't really hurt me in the past til this guy. I guess it's different since I actually had feelings for him, oh well.
I'll try to move on i guess
@pinklibra i agree with what you saying. Some of advice i give be sounding like some steve harvey stuff lol. But i been hurt enough times to know her pain. You get wiser after each set back. You are a treasure, so never let anyone treat you less than that 🙂. That's my motto, it sounds good too
@misswhitlock it's ok, i rather be helpful & tell you the truth than lie just to spare your feelings. At least next time a guy trys to this, it won't work 😉. You go enjoy your day & don't worry ok
Hahah well I'll try my best.
Posted by miha
i think you are too attached to the outcome...
you slept with him and now you are blaming yourself... don't let anybody [neither him, nor the people on here judge that]. mistake or not, too soon or not, unexpectedly or not, it is sth which happened and this is the reality you start now from.
personally, i woudn't have insisted on putting a lable on the thing we had. i'd have waited [as long as it would have been comfortable for me] for him to put a lable on it.
i think you rushed. be a little more secure in yourself.
step back a little. don't withdraw...just step back. he will come after you.
from an aqua involved with a cancer guy....and by the way...he also told me i swing from one side to the other...it's hillarious hearing this from a cancer...
God, not putting a label on it is seriously bad advice. That's waiting in a man's wing and playing his game. Why do women settle for half the banana or worse a phantom one. If you're not looking for commitment, fine. Go get your freaky on at the bar with any of several available men. Waiting in any man's wings is a sucker's game.
Miha Darling, I'm not missing the point. And I'm certainly not judging her (ie looking down on her) for having non-committed sex with some cad who was playing her. I'm trying to help her avoid getting played again. If you want a committed relationship, don't settle for a man who keeps things loosey goosey. Who keeps them undefined. If you don't mind being a fuck buddy, fine so long as no one is getting deceived.
Listen, I am going through the exact same pain as you, only with a Cancer woman.
Thing is, some of them are really, really nuts.
Not saying ALL of them are, but some of them really are.
Want to know what I mean by NUTS?
Nuts is defined as irrational and hurtful behavior toward others with selfishness and other negative traits thrown in there.
If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....
He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH.
You need to delete his number and not look back.
Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
The Bad Crabs out there do this all the time. They get intimate with you, and then hurt you over something stupid. Why? Because these awful people are too selfish to talk about whatever bothers them so that you can BOTH improve things together. They would rather just destroy what could be a beautiful relationship over the stupidest shit rather than tweak things a little through thoughtful discussion.
Stop me if I am wrong, but no one will because people know I am right on the money.
There are good Crabs out there, but you really won't know the good from the bad without a LOT of time and energy.
The unfortunate thing is that the awful ones have the exact same demeanor and attractive qualities as the good ones, but the difference is that the awful ones wear masks and you don't know who you are dealing with.
Only when you tell them your true feelings (which is extremely risky, but F it, I would rather be open than closed about stuff like that) will you know who you are dealing with (good or ROTTEN).
Thing is, some of them are really, really nuts.
Not saying ALL of them are, but some of them really are.
Want to know what I mean by NUTS?
Nuts is defined as irrational and hurtful behavior toward others with selfishness and other negative traits thrown in there.
If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....
He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH.
You need to delete his number and not look back.
Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
The Bad Crabs out there do this all the time. They get intimate with you, and then hurt you over something stupid. Why? Because these awful people are too selfish to talk about whatever bothers them so that you can BOTH improve things together. They would rather just destroy what could be a beautiful relationship over the stupidest shit rather than tweak things a little through thoughtful discussion.
Stop me if I am wrong, but no one will because people know I am right on the money.
There are good Crabs out there, but you really won't know the good from the bad without a LOT of time and energy.
The unfortunate thing is that the awful ones have the exact same demeanor and attractive qualities as the good ones, but the difference is that the awful ones wear masks and you don't know who you are dealing with.
Only when you tell them your true feelings (which is extremely risky, but F it, I would rather be open than closed about stuff like that) will you know who you are dealing with (good or ROTTEN).
Posted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.
Excellent points, and the women who behave like this are just as terrible.
It is clear that the OP is a good person, which is why I am hopeful she recovers soon and finds the company of decent human beings rather than these jerk types.
Posted by ScorpioFishPosted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.
Excellent points, and the women who behave like this are just as terrible.
It is clear that the OP is a good person, which is why I am hopeful she recovers soon and finds the company of decent human beings rather than these jerk types.click to expand
Yes women can be players too. Sad but true. But, at the end of the day, what do players really win? A hollow validation of their sexual prowess?
Posted by ScorpioFish
Listen, If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH. You need to delete his number and not look back. Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
+100%
Posted by Este8Posted by ScorpioFishPosted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.
Excellent points, and the women who behave like this are just as terrible.
It is clear that the OP is a good person, which is why I am hopeful she recovers soon and finds the company of decent human beings rather than these jerk types.
Yes women can be players too. Sad but true. But, at the end of the day, what do players really win? A hollow validation of their sexual prowess?click to expand
That is exactly what they win, which is basically the equivalent of a 3 day old pile of shit.
If God wanted men and women to have shallow, worthless and meaningless relationships, then we would be no different
That is exactly what they win, which is basically the equivalent of a 3 day old pile of shit.
If God wanted men and women to have shallow, worthless and meaningless relationships, then we would be no different than most animals on this planet.
But humanity is NOT the same thing as most animals.
To have careless and ultimately destructive relationships that are fickle by default will only lead to the systematic ruination of the person.
If God wanted men and women to have shallow, worthless and meaningless relationships, then we would be no different than most animals on this planet.
But humanity is NOT the same thing as most animals.
To have careless and ultimately destructive relationships that are fickle by default will only lead to the systematic ruination of the person.
Well hopefully she remembers what I wrote. She should follow her heart in this situation. Im sure she'll make the right decision that's best for her. We can't make it for her. She'll be ok
Posted by 2BlackIndian3
You should have never did friends with benefits. I notice a lot of women do that, then expect the guy to care for them. You should have waited til you was in a relationship to have sex. At least then, that guy would have respected you more. Trust me on this, if a Cancer guy really cares about you, you WILL know. You won't even have to question our love. If he truly desires you, he'll make an effort to be in your life. For now on, no more sex until a solid relationship is formed 1st. That's for all the women who see this. Don't get a guy your cookie, if he ain't worked for it for at least 2months. So if he values you, he won't disappear like that. Plus would you even want someone who does that women?? I don't think so. Throw astrology out the window for now, because real men Cancer or not don't leave his woman at all. Hope i helped 🙂
This is the best advice. And it's coming from a man who knows the games men play. 100% agree.
Awww that's so nice to read ScorpioFish, I really needed to read that right now it's like perfect timing. Your explanation on why some Cancers are nuts made me smile and made so much sense so thanks, another little bit of closure if that makes any sense. I have been reading and reading post after post, both old and new on here these past few months, I suppose trying to make sense of things in my head as to what has recently happened with a certain cancer man and it has definitely helped me a lot. I am a leo and this is the 1st guy I have come across who I have no clue as to what the hell has just happened, makes no sense at all, but I suppose in life that's the way it is sometimes
Posted by mihaPosted by misswhitlock
Thanks @pinklibra ! And no, he told me it's been 2 years since he's had any, but I get what you mean. And I think I watched the movie adaption of that book? I'm unsure though.
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite 😛
do your friends know him?click to expand
Yup my best friend is friends with him. My other friends have only met him a few times though.
Posted by ScorpioFish
Listen, I am going through the exact same pain as you, only with a Cancer woman.
Thing is, some of them are really, really nuts.
Not saying ALL of them are, but some of them really are.
Want to know what I mean by NUTS?
Nuts is defined as irrational and hurtful behavior toward others with selfishness and other negative traits thrown in there.
If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....
He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH.
You need to delete his number and not look back.
Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
The Bad Crabs out there do this all the time. They get intimate with you, and then hurt you over something stupid. Why? Because these awful people are too selfish to talk about whatever bothers them so that you can BOTH improve things together. They would rather just destroy what could be a beautiful relationship over the stupidest shit rather than tweak things a little through thoughtful discussion.
Stop me if I am wrong, but no one will because people know I am right on the money.
There are good Crabs out there, but you really won't know the good from the bad without a LOT of time and energy.
The unfortunate thing is that the awful ones have the exact same demeanor and attractive qualities as the good ones, but the difference is that the awful ones wear masks and you don't know who you are dealing with.
Only when you tell them your true feelings (which is extremely risky, but F it, I would rather be open than closed about stuff like that) will you know who you are dealing with (good or ROTTEN).
I do agree that he doesn't want to talk about what bothers him, but doesn't necessarily mean he meant to hurt me, I think he is Friend Zoning me because he doesn't want the same things that I want. But yeah, I do feel like he avoids the topic altogether because he just doesn't want to deal with it, it is kind of immature and frustrating.
Thanks again for the input guys! It helps. ~the hint is taken that I shouldn't have casual sex if that's not what I want hahahahaha.
Well said scorpioFish..*applause**
Just to update,
He was confused about how I felt cuz I was giving him mixed signals too. So I told him how I felt about him, that I wanted to see him more, and asked if he was into me or not. He told me that when he's with me he's fun but thats as far as he's thought about it?
I took this to mean that he's not interested in me as more than a friend, but I wasn't sure— I just left him be for a week. Since I told him how I felt, I figure if he feels the same way he should be doing something about it. Instead, he would flutter in and out and seem interested, and then suddenly not. I called him out and said he was confusing me and that i needed some time by myself. He told me thats okay, he told me where he stood-- that he wanted to see me more.
—
So i took my few days not talking and came back to him with the thought of pursuing it-- he told me he wants to see me more, so I'm going to try- if he is. Then he suddenly tells me that he wants to be just friends. He said he's thought about it and he said I was right about his actions- that there's a reason for it. He told me it didn't feel the same with us anymore. He *was interested in me-- he also felt like our friendship was moving to something more so thats why we both slept together. But now it feels different. We haven't seen each other in two months and he hasn't done anything about it, and he feels like if its at a stand still now, it will be in a stand still in the future. He told me that he was unsure about his feelings and he put it in the backburner and didn't think about it ( which is why he would flutter in and out ) but now i guess its clear.
Now i guess we're going to have some time apart. And be friends in the future. I just dont know if I can. I feel like I'm always going to have feelings for him, and a part of me wants to pursue it in the future-- and do it right this time. It's not a good idea is it.
He was confused about how I felt cuz I was giving him mixed signals too. So I told him how I felt about him, that I wanted to see him more, and asked if he was into me or not. He told me that when he's with me he's fun but thats as far as he's thought about it?
I took this to mean that he's not interested in me as more than a friend, but I wasn't sure— I just left him be for a week. Since I told him how I felt, I figure if he feels the same way he should be doing something about it. Instead, he would flutter in and out and seem interested, and then suddenly not. I called him out and said he was confusing me and that i needed some time by myself. He told me thats okay, he told me where he stood-- that he wanted to see me more.
—
So i took my few days not talking and came back to him with the thought of pursuing it-- he told me he wants to see me more, so I'm going to try- if he is. Then he suddenly tells me that he wants to be just friends. He said he's thought about it and he said I was right about his actions- that there's a reason for it. He told me it didn't feel the same with us anymore. He *was interested in me-- he also felt like our friendship was moving to something more so thats why we both slept together. But now it feels different. We haven't seen each other in two months and he hasn't done anything about it, and he feels like if its at a stand still now, it will be in a stand still in the future. He told me that he was unsure about his feelings and he put it in the backburner and didn't think about it ( which is why he would flutter in and out ) but now i guess its clear.
Now i guess we're going to have some time apart. And be friends in the future. I just dont know if I can. I feel like I'm always going to have feelings for him, and a part of me wants to pursue it in the future-- and do it right this time. It's not a good idea is it.
Whereas I shouldn't have casual sex with guys if I don't want my feelings hurt, we were both on the same page at the start. We were both interested its just it didnt work out and I have no idea why.
The best way to do the casual sex thing is to make sure that's what both people want before actually going through with it. That way you go into it with an agreement and no surprises. If you were both interested in each other as more than friends then the subject should have been broached before you slept together. Look at it this way: if a man isn't mature enough to have that conversation (either about casual sex or if he has an interest in you for a real relationship) then he isn't mature enough to have sex with. Period.
Yo, if he tries that FRIEND ZONE shit on you, tell him no thanks and walk away. He's only going to cause you pain and torment with such selfish fucking behavior.
scorpiofish, we were both close friends, and i want to be friends with him again too, we agreed that i need some time off-- possibly a few months and if i can still talk to him then and be friends with him without it hurting me then thats fine, but if i cant i definitely wont do it.
i just feel so empty right now idk.
i just feel so empty right now idk.
Posted by misswhitlock
scorpiofish, we were both close friends, and i want to be friends with him again too, we agreed that i need some time off-- possibly a few months and if i can still talk to him then and be friends with him without it hurting me then thats fine, but if i cant i definitely wont do it.
i just feel so empty right now idk.
If you like feeling empty and emotionally hurt, then I suggest you keep this stupid asshole in your life.
If you like feeling positive, fulfilled and inspired, then I suggest you find uplifting people to spend your time with.
I thought we already gave her some good advice. Really at the end of the day, she needs to make a decision that won't have her stressed 24/7. Because it seems this guy is a huge part of this stress. I feel there's nothing else we can do for her. Its up to her now ScorpioFish
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