Help - Cancer man wants sex and I'm not ready

Hi everyone. I just need your help. I've been dating this cancer man for almost 3 months already. He keeps asking me if we can already have sex, but I told him in a nice way that I'm not ready for it. It's just that I really am not used to friends with benefits or anything like that. Are cancer men just wanting sex for pleasure? Or they want it because they also have feelings for the girl? Please help me!!!

Please help me!!!!

Are you a virgin? Why are you not ready after 3 months. If he cares he will understand and wait.

His feelings for you are likely stagnant until the sex happens. It's just how it goes. He would likely agree with me that sexual compatibility cannot be determined until you actually have sex, and this compatibility is quite important for many people.

I give him props. No way on this planet I would make it three months for anyone. Of course, I'm not telling you to just give it up, but you do have a decision to make. You may very well have to leave this guy for someone willing to put in the time if he is not the one to respect that.

He will be pissed, I assure you. It doesn't really matter, but just be prepared for it if that is your choice.

Posted by Koniuchaa
If your not ready, tell him to buzz off. Don't let someone talk you in to something your not ready to do.

You aren't ready for a reason

Asexual?

What's she doing with him if she clearly doesn't have those types of feelings for him? Js.. after 3 months things should be crystal clear.

How old is the OP?

My ex waited nearly 4 months for me but that was cause i was a virgin and I put him through hell until I was ready, don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with, if he likes you he will wait.

Posted by Crabra
His feelings for you are likely stagnant until the sex happens. It's just how it goes. He would likely agree with me that sexual compatibility cannot be determined until you actually have sex, and this compatibility is quite important for many people.

I give him props. No way on this planet I would make it three months for anyone. Of course, I'm not telling you to just give it up, but you do have a decision to make. You may very well have to leave this guy for someone willing to put in the time if he is not the one to respect that.

He will be pissed, I assure you. It doesn't really matter, but just be prepared for it if that is your choice.

Thank you for your advice. I'm quite okay with the sex thing, BUT, his feelings for me is quite push and pull and I'm confused af. If I give in for sex, I'm afraid that after that happened, he might leave me and disappear into thin air. Also, is sex the reason why he doesn't want to commit with me?

Posted by NINETYNINE
3 months is a long time.

This Cancer clearly wants to express his feelings for you.

I know it's a long time already. Haha. But I think he's not yet sure of his feelings. I always initiate the communication, all of the effort comes from me, he does not want to commit, and all he do is just show up on dates (i'm the one always planning). I don't get his attitude if he's really into me that's why I don't want to have sex yet. ?

Posted by bebeirishh

Posted by Crabra
His feelings for you are likely stagnant until the sex happens. It's just how it goes. He would likely agree with me that sexual compatibility cannot be determined until you actually have sex, and this compatibility is quite important for many people.

I give him props. No way on this planet I would make it three months for anyone. Of course, I'm not telling you to just give it up, but you do have a decision to make. You may very well have to leave this guy for someone willing to put in the time if he is not the one to respect that.

He will be pissed, I assure you. It doesn't really matter, but just be prepared for it if that is your choice.

Thank you for your advice. I'm quite okay with the sex thing, BUT, his feelings for me is quite push and pull and I'm confused af. If I give in for sex, I'm afraid that after that happened, he might leave me and disappear into thin air. Also, is sex the reason why he doesn't want to commit with me?

click to expand

I'm not quite sure what you mean, "I'm quite ok with the sex thing." What about it are you ok with? I'm under the impression you are not ok with it, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist.

From the outside looking in, this guy has spent three months with you despite there being no sexual intercourse. This is practically unheard of in an exclusive relationship. That deserves some merit that is for sure. That tells me this guy is super into you. However, it sounds like it is getting closer and closer to his limit. The hot/cold crap, passive aggressive behavior, and a whole host of other negative things will only get worse as his frustration grows.

I can't guarantee that he won't leave once you give him sex. However, I can guarantee he will if you don't. It is only a matter of when. I also should point out there really is no such thing as risk-free sex. There is reduced-risk sex, but that is about as far as it goes. I can also tell you that not many males would stick it out three months with someone if they want a one-and-done. There's a serious time investment there, and possibly emotional too. That's why I said he would get pissed if you bounce, because he never got to sleep with you.

Someone might come around and reply with something along the lines of, "My boyfriend and I didn't have sexual intercourse until after 6 months, or 1 year, or even until they were married." This is fine, but not only are these peeps in the extreme minority, it also isn't practical.

He's not going to ever commit to you fully until action happens under the sheets. He'll always be one foot in, one foot out. What is it that is keeping you from having sex with him?

3 months...maybe he's not the want if you dont want to jump his bones yet. Also you've said dating, then friends with benefits-which is it?

If you are the one planning all the dates ect then I wouldn't bother, he seems like he's just hanging around cause your making all the effort and he doesn't have to do anything. He probs is just hoping to get laid in that case.

I think cancers don't normally have sex when there is no emotional attachment.. Unless the girl's the aggressor maybe? If youre not ready, just say youre not ready. 🙂 He will understand.. When Cancers like someone they are very patient.

How old is he? You want to be with someone whom makes no effort? Does he hold your hand, give you lil kisses? What does he say to you? Does he compliment you?

So I actually disagreed with the crowd.. If your not ready your not ready...

If he cares he will wait. If he doesn't he won't...

But don't do something that your not sure about.. Cause your scared of losing him....

🤗 🤗

Explaining why your not ready might help

Posted by Moonbutter
How old is he? You want to be with someone whom makes no effort? Does he hold your hand, give you lil kisses? What does he say to you? Does he compliment you?

He's 26 and i'm 24. I don't know why I'm still hanging out with him despite the fact that he doesn't exert any effort. Maybe i'm just challenged about his personality. He does give me a goodbye kiss. Sometimes holds my hand and compliments me.

Posted by MissM
If you are the one planning all the dates ect then I wouldn't bother, he seems like he's just hanging around cause your making all the effort and he doesn't have to do anything. He probs is just hoping to get laid in that case.

I actually thought about that also. Maybe he's just dating me because I do all of the effort and he just needs to show up. That's why I don't want to give in to sex. But he says that he also invests time with me but shows no effort

Posted by GC02
Are you all together or just friends?

We hangout a lot. Maybe twice a week. We hold hands, we hug each other, and give a sweet kiss before we bid goodbye. That's just it. He said he's not ready for a commitment. But he also didn't admit that I'm the only one he is seeing

Could this help?

Posted by Crabra

Posted by bebeirishh

Posted by Crabra
His feelings for you are likely stagnant until the sex happens. It's just how it goes. He would likely agree with me that sexual compatibility cannot be determined until you actually have sex, and this compatibility is quite important for many people.

I give him props. No way on this planet I would make it three months for anyone. Of course, I'm not telling you to just give it up, but you do have a decision to make. You may very well have to leave this guy for someone willing to put in the time if he is not the one to respect that.

He will be pissed, I assure you. It doesn't really matter, but just be prepared for it if that is your choice.

Thank you for your advice. I'm quite okay with the sex thing, BUT, his feelings for me is quite push and pull and I'm confused af. If I give in for sex, I'm afraid that after that happened, he might leave me and disappear into thin air. Also, is sex the reason why he doesn't want to commit with me?

I'm not quite sure what you mean, "I'm quite ok with the sex thing." What about it are you ok with? I'm under the impression you are not ok with it, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist.

From the outside looking in, this guy has spent three months with you despite there being no sexual intercourse. This is practically unheard of in an exclusive relationship. That deserves some merit that is for sure. That tells me this guy is super into you. However, it sounds like it is getting closer and closer to his limit. The hot/cold crap, passive aggressive behavior, and a whole host of other negative things will only get worse as his frustration grows.

I can't guarantee that he won't leave once you give him sex. However, I can guarantee he will if you don't. It is only a matter of when. I also should point out there really is no such thing as risk-free sex. There is reduced-risk sex, but that is about as far as it goes. I can also tell you that not many males would stick it out three months with someone if they want a one-and-done. There's a serious time investment there, and possibly emotional too. That's why I said he would get pissed if you bounce, because he never got to sleep with you.

Someone might come around and reply with something along the lines of, "My boyfriend and I didn't have sexual intercourse until after 6 months, or 1 year, or even until they were married." This is fine, but not only are these peeps in the extreme minority, it also isn't practical.

He's not going to ever commit to you fully until action happens under the sheets. He'll always be one foot in, one foot out. What is it that is keeping you from having sex with him?

click to expand

I do all of the effort. And I feel like he's a user. Everytime we hangout, I am always the one initiating and planning everything. I even fetch him at work (because he doesn't have a car) and I also accompany him to his house. I feel like i'm the man in the relationship. He says that he's okay with this kind of status, as long as we're happy, there's no need for a label. Yet he wanted sex. I can't give it to him unless I know he is committed to me. And only to me. ?

Seriously how old are you? Why don't you want to? If he's being an ass of course you have a valid reason.. Otherwise do you?

Posted by bebeirishh

Posted by Crabra

Posted by bebeirishh

Posted by Crabra
His feelings for you are likely stagnant until the sex happens. It's just how it goes. He would likely agree with me that sexual compatibility cannot be determined until you actually have sex, and this compatibility is quite important for many people.

I give him props. No way on this planet I would make it three months for anyone. Of course, I'm not telling you to just give it up, but you do have a decision to make. You may very well have to leave this guy for someone willing to put in the time if he is not the one to respect that.

He will be pissed, I assure you. It doesn't really matter, but just be prepared for it if that is your choice.

Thank you for your advice. I'm quite okay with the sex thing, BUT, his feelings for me is quite push and pull and I'm confused af. If I give in for sex, I'm afraid that after that happened, he might leave me and disappear into thin air. Also, is sex the reason why he doesn't want to commit with me?

I'm not quite sure what you mean, "I'm quite ok with the sex thing." What about it are you ok with? I'm under the impression you are not ok with it, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist.

From the outside looking in, this guy has spent three months with you despite there being no sexual intercourse. This is practically unheard of in an exclusive relationship. That deserves some merit that is for sure. That tells me this guy is super into you. However, it sounds like it is getting closer and closer to his limit. The hot/cold crap, passive aggressive behavior, and a whole host of other negative things will only get worse as his frustration grows.

I can't guarantee that he won't leave once you give him sex. However, I can guarantee he will if you don't. It is only a matter of when. I also should point out there really is no such thing as risk-free sex. There is reduced-risk sex, but that is about as far as it goes. I can also tell you that not many males would stick it out three months with someone if they want a one-and-done. There's a serious time investment there, and possibly emotional too. That's why I said he would get pissed if you bounce, because he never got to sleep with you.

Someone might come around and reply with something along the lines of, "My boyfriend and I didn't have sexual intercourse until after 6 months, or 1 year, or even until they were married." This is fine, but not only are these peeps in the extreme minority, it also isn't practical.

He's not going to ever commit to you fully until action happens under the sheets. He'll always be one foot in, one foot out. What is it that is keeping you from having sex with him?

I do all of the effort. And I feel like he's a user. Everytime we hangout, I am always the one initiating and planning everything. I even fetch him at work (because he doesn't have a car) and I also accompany him to his house. I feel like i'm the man in the relationship. He says that he's okay with this kind of status, as long as we're happy, there's no need for a label. Yet he wanted sex. I can't give it to him unless I know he is committed to me. And only to me. ?

click to expand

You are correct.. you do everything he does nothing ... he has nothing to offer u except sex. Are you ok with that? He's just using you and complacent... he doesn't care. ? your gut and heart is telling you it's not right.