How Can I Tell if a Cancer Man is Testing Me (Page 2)

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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 10616 · Topics: 40
It's like this...when a man has low self esteem, he subconsously dislikes himself. So when you meet this type of man and tell him how great he is and how you want to be with him... he will smile and pretend to feel flattered. But deep within, he looks down on a woman for liking him so much. He looks down on a woman for liking something that his dislikes... which is his own self.

now you know you put it down with this one!! lol! You jus schooled me on something I overlooked and this makes a lot of sense... Yes this is so true, I know this by pure experience that its true, a man with a sense of low self esteem will love to be flattered but at the end of the day he will resent people who see more than he see's within himself and more than likely gravitate towards the woman that neglects him in some way or mirrors back to him that lack of self love, okay I have said enough (not all men) but it takes a man a very long time to pick up and start to believe in himself as others believe in him be very aware of that.
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CapricornMermaid
@CapricornMermaid
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 144 · Topics: 20
Hi Tiki

I have a brother name Tiki. He's so cute. But yeah they have low self esteem, that's why all of that "playing hard to get" stuff works. It's like the worst you treat some men, the more they love you for it. But I get tired of playing that hard to get role, because I know what is at the root. All of that bad behavior towards a man, only feeds his weed. But it doesn't kill what is at the root of the weed, which is low self esteem and a low sense of self worth. Then I wonder, what if I start treating a man badly just to have him. I start "playing hard to get". I cuse him out, I ignore his calls. I behave like a b*tch... and then this guy starts to wise up and love himself.

He starts to realize that he deserves better, he starts to love what he sees in the mirror and then remembers all those times I treated him like a punk. It's really a form of reverse psychology. All because some men do not know anything about self love and self actualization. A lot of women are like this too.

It's like this... here is an exercise to try on a man with low self esteem

1. Draw a circle
2. Put a dot anywhere inside of the circle.
3. Put a dot anywhere OUTSIDE of the circle and then write your name next to it.

Now take a good look at it. Anytime a woman is inside that circle with a man... he doesn't want her. But that's where we want to be. We want to be inside that circle and if a man had healthy self-esteem, he would want his woman to be inside that circle with him. But because of his low-esteem, we as women always have to think of ways to stay outside of the circle in order to keep him interested. And I don't know about ya'll, but that gets tired. I have a hard time thinking of ways to play the game. I don't have a bag of tricks.

When he calls, I wanna answer the phone. lol, When he asks me on a date, I wanna go out and enjoy myself. When he tells me he loves me, I want to say it back to him. A man with healthy self esteem, would LOVE every minute that he is being paid attention to.




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krobe03
@krobe03
18 Years1,000+ Posts

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Yeap, you hit it on the head CapMermaid,

Women on here just "don't get this". Again, ADVICE-I tell you to show him some interest and BACKOFF. WAYOFF! This way, you are showing interest in slow motion, and he will grab and chase you, (remember Cancer men are cautious) because he will see you worthy to him. Yes, it gets tiresome, but the rewards are GREAT because YOU will make him find STRENGTH within himself, and making him FEEL stronger simply because he had to put in WORK to earn your love, and oh CANCER men VALUE what they have to work for. You will get inside alot quicker.

Oh, and you don't have to treat him bad. Be feminine with him, you can answer his calls. Just not the FIRST call, you can treat him nice, sweet, loving. ONLY ON YOUR TERMS. You can treat him like a dog, but, it is a CERTAIN way to get your point across so that he will RESPECT YOU, instead of resent you. You can go out on a date, ON YOUR terms. That means don't be readily available to him ALL the time.

I read Cancer men are not direct, shy, sensitive. YOU CANNOT GO BY ASTROLOGY ALONE! Astrology gives you a basic on a person. NOT a whole perspective. ALOT of CANCER men are totally different than what I have read on these boards. I have a family full of Cancer men and women. These characteristics are based on SOME Cancers men, but, not ALL! It depends on the WHOLE chart.

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CapricornMermaid
@CapricornMermaid
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 144 · Topics: 20
I get what your saying Krobe... but it is tiresome (laughing) Sometimes I wonder, if I should give the men with healthy self-esteem a chance and leave these low self esteem men alone. LOL

I am willing to learn more tricks so I can add them to my already extensive bag of tricks ha ha. But I'm getting older. I'm 32.5 years of age, I'm not a spring chicken and I don't get as excited about playing hard to get as I use to when I was say... 20 or so. It was fun then and exciting to see men tick in that way. But I'm at a point in life where Im ready to have a healthy relationship with a man whom I can match values. When a woman plays games to keep a man interested, sure it works on a man who has committment issues and low self esteem. But what happens when his issues start to carry over in other areas of his life. Like what if I play the game so well, we end up married. But because of his sense of low self worth... he doesn't believe that he can be a good father? Or he's afraid to get the job he wants because he doesn't feel he's good enough. That way of being will carry over into other areas of his life for sure.

Who wants to keep dealing with that? Like with this Cancer male I have been refering to. I know that he has low self esteem, because why would he put up with the horrible treatment he recieved from his ex-girlfriend of 5 years. There must have been a part of him, that liked it and looked forward to being treated like crap. But the minute that she wanted to reconcil and make things better... he got the hell outta there. And has been calling me and wanting to see me badly; a woman who's been ignoring him for 3 months, flirting with his friends to create competition (a trick from my bag) and not accepting his apology.

But then the minute that I accept his apology, agree to meet him and express my happiness... he sends me a text message saying "I wanted to see you, but I'm scared, I want you to be happy". So now I have to dig into my bag of tricks and put distance between us because I've shared "too much". And this could go on for weeks, until he decides to call or text. All I'm sayin is.. girl who has time for this lol?

I think the biggest move that I need to make, is to just keep it moving and leave him alone. Which is how I feel today. I'm going to leave him alone and hopefully he will grow up, deal with his low self esteem issues and come with something better then what he is offering me at this time. That's if I'm st
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krobe03
@krobe03
18 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 2077 · Topics: 6
But then the minute that I accept his apology, agree to meet him and express my happiness... he sends me a text message saying "I wanted to see you, but I'm scared, I want you to be happy". So now I have to dig into my bag of tricks and put distance between us because I've shared "too much". And this could go on for weeks, until he decides to call or text. All I'm sayin is.. girl who has time for this lol?

I am going to say it to YOU again. I give advice- The less you show with a CANCER man-the more YOU will get. Don't use WORDS with him. Yes, he has charm, a good communicator, very INTELLIGENT-this is a TRAP! Don't fall into that circle. I am going to have to text you on this one. I sent you a text.
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xangelfishx
@xangelfishx
18 Years1,000+ PostsTaurus

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4843 · Topics: 30
capricorn mermaid - I said it last night and I'll say it again - I really don't think you need anyone's advice - you've got a good head on your shoulders and a healthy perspective on relationships.
some of us have been saying the same thing you did for months and didn't get the glowing praise that you did......

*hands capricorn mermaid a cookie*

you earned it ;0)
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SweetestFatale
@SweetestFatale
18 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 7 · Posts: 2275 · Topics: 58
You're very insightful on men with low self esteem capricorn. Its not a lot that someone really delves into an issue on the board like it. And you're right, Im 23 and I've already grown tired of the games. I'm ready for a self aware and self secure man that knows who he is and what he wants. I feel you exactly with wanting to be able to answer the phone when he calls and go out when he asks (because you can trust his effort and you can sincerely accept them). I say find yourself a good stable mature man that can handle things this way and you're set. And you already said yourself that you are willing to wait for your Cancer to come around to liking himself and if you're still available you'll give it a shot. That sounds like a good plan to me. No games, no magic formulas just patience and good intentions.