How can I communicate effectively?

I'm not going to debate who is right or wrong. As in typical Libra fashion I see both sides clearly.

However.... I'm having a bit of an issue with my Leo. He has become completely stubborn and seems reluctant to validate my feelings, if he thinks they arent reasonable. You cant really do that in successful relationships. You cant debate emotions/needs.

Example... he will be amazing all week, then suddenly just not text or call me all day. Ill text him around dinner to see the deal and he'll be snappy/cold with me because he is doing work. I calmly stated to him that I respect that, and do not want to disturb him, but to just let me know that is the case I AM NOT A MIND READER... I said shoot a sweet text at some point during the day, or at least let me know. That would make me feel better. It literally takes 2 seconds and I think it is respectful. I simply asked if we could have that middle ground. He flat out said it was ridiculous. I should know he is working. That I shouldn't tell people what they should say, and that if that doesn't work for me, he doesn't know what to tell me. I was floored.

Here is why it bothers me-- I get his point. He is a busy person. I shouldn't "need" that validation.

But, its such a simple thing to do, a lot of the time I feel his pride is more important than my feelings/requests. Also, it feels like if I mention anything at all that is bothering me, its a complete shutdown from him for days. No matter how painstakingly eloquent I try to make my approach, he is offended.

It's so dramatic. So exhausting.

To be honest, I feel I've lost any control in the relationship. He has figured me out. He knows that I will bend to keep the peace, and that I hate to be ignored. That I will always fix the situation. Its kind of manipulative.

I can flat out say I understand his viewpoint, his feelings, basically kiss his ass and he will just be like "ok" then take two days of barely speaking to me.. as punishment. Its wild. Its like, "dude really?!" The thing is there is no doubt that he is in love with me, none. We have an amazing time, every relationship has issues.... but I need some advice on how to get this shit more balanced. For real. Because he is driving me insane.

I think ive posted similar stuff about this kind of thing with him.... but just venting again and looking for fresh insight. I'm not looking to break-up or bash him. Just really want to find a way to find more balance. Should i just surrender to this is the way it is, or is there a way I can gain back some footing here? I know ive always read DO NOT let a Leo man start running the show completely cause they can get wild....and its true, once I started giving in to "keep the peace"...it got WORSE!

He is amazing in SO many ways, but his sensitivity and stubbornness are a hell of a mix. I dont want to make it sound like i have the worst relationship or anything, but instead of bothering my friends with relationship concerns, I use this board! haha

Reminder his chart is below.... Dominant planet is Pluto

Sag Rising

Leo Sun 9th

Leo Moon 8th

Virgo Merc 9th

Leo Venus 8th

Scorpio Mars 11th

The Leo/Libra dynamic I've noticed is you're always in the Pushover seat. They're in charge and you can't have a problem with that.

Libras are too feeble to stand up to them, so you get walked all over. Even when you're trying to point out a negative aspect in his behavior, you're too busy trying to sugarcoat it. Leos don't respect Libras because they don't see you as equals.

Only another fire-dominant person can handle them and put them in their place from time to time. Sorry, gurl.

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

The Leo/Libra dynamic I've noticed is you're always in the Pushover seat. They're in charge and you can't have a problem with that.

Libras are too feeble to stand up to them, so you get walked all over. Even when you're trying to point out a negative aspect in his behavior, you're too busy trying to sugarcoat it. Leos don't respect Libras because they don't see you as equals.

Only another fire-dominant person can handle them and put them in their place from time to time. Sorry, gurl.

You know the craziest part?! He said before im too aggressive. I am actually the more aggressive and direct one. He is very passive aggressive. I was in control. I was pretty much over-the-top in the beginning. I was actually kind of a bitch.... That had its own issues. We almost split for a second and I decided coming back into it that I didnt want that dynamic anymore.... and I think maybe he wants that, actually likes it. But, now I feel I've lost my footing. Like he is just unbendable!!!! Damned if I do, damned if I dont. haha!

He figured me out and now its a whole new thing.

I think the mature way to communicate things that are important for your relationship, but not urgent, is by email. Write him some information about how your day has been, and a few questions, wishes, etc, with the expectation that he will answer when he has time, which could be several hours after you press "send".

Phone messages (and loud notifications) would irritate the hell out of me. Including the phone ringing! Maybe because I'm an introvert and therefore sensitive to loud or unexpected noises. Maybe he is too, and it's difficult to explain this to an extrovert like you.

If you want daily contact, and he doesn't like text messages, make him compromise to check his email when he has time, and reply to you. In this way it will feel less as a disturbance, and lead to a more pleasant interaction.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

The Leo/Libra dynamic I've noticed is you're always in the Pushover seat. They're in charge and you can't have a problem with that.

Libras are too feeble to stand up to them, so you get walked all over. Even when you're trying to point out a negative aspect in his behavior, you're too busy trying to sugarcoat it. Leos don't respect Libras because they don't see you as equals.

Only another fire-dominant person can handle them and put them in their place from time to time. Sorry, gurl.

You know the craziest part?! He said before im too aggressive. I am actually the more aggressive and direct one. He is very passive aggressive. I was in control. I was pretty much over-the-top in the beginning. I was actually kind of a bitch.... That had its own issues. We almost split for a second and I decided coming back into it that I didnt want that dynamic anymore.... and I think maybe he wants that, actually likes it. But, now I feel I've lost my footing. Like he is just unbendable!!!! Damned if I do, damned if I dont. haha!

He figured me out and now its a whole new thing.

click to expand

Ugh god, too many Scorp/Sag houses in his stuff, and way too much Leo. This screams to me "too much control freak". I take it he's not a big texter. Strikes me as someone who wants it his way or no way, and likes his independence - doing his own thing in his own time without any distractions or responsibilities (like having to answer to someone via letting them know where he is etc).

So he says you came on too strong at first, and now you don't come on strong enough. Somehow I don't think there's an acceptable middle ground in his stupid head. Does he have a big-ass forehead? Yeah probably does!



Houses are no joke, and his sun and Merc are in the Sag house, the house that detests responsibility and conventional settings. My sun is in the Gemini house and, well, my sparse gif usage speaks for itself.

All in all, to me he looks like a self-absorbed immature assbutt, and he wants a doormat and not a partner. A partner is supposed to be your equal. Partnership, not dictatorship. This is not acceptable in any scenario, so you're gonna have to sit him down and give it to him straight. Pick a day/time when he's not bogged down by work, and rationally explain to him that this is supposed to be a partnership with 2 equal parties.

Mind you, he might not get it the first time. You might have to do that again, and again and again, until he starts getting it. It was the same for me. I ran out of words to verbally explain where I'm coming from, I'm like "what on earth else needs to happen before you finally understand that what you're doing is not acceptable??". Not text stuff, he can text up a storm when he's in need of attention, especially in the middle of the night when he's staying over at his brother's. He. Won't. Faken. Stop. And then the selfies start coming in.

What he did was worse, messing with my trust knowing full well I have major trust issues. After my suspected TIA and my neurosurgery, I ran out of ways to verbalize my position. In the end I literally had to beat some sense into him. All that time beforehand he was getting my extremely patient Fish sun, so it was high time for him to become acquainted with my Aries stellium.

All this of course depends on how untenable your situation has become. You need to assess whether his shortcomings overshadow his good qualities to the point where it negatively affects your everyday life as a couple.

I really don’t get the “accommodate someone or find out how to accommodate someone” because they are behaving in a way that causes conflict or anything uneasy. I mean, tell him about what you don’t like. Stop trying to be nice about it. I personally don’t see that you both are on the same wavelength. Stop wasting time with this person and find someone on the same wavelength as you.

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Dated alot of Leos. Didn't have this problem... probably because I'm very low on the scale of requiring, requesting, compromising, etc... and that was a problem for them. If you thought about what I just wrote, I wouldn't have to write anymore...

You need to give a reason for your requests...which you have... but, it has to be romantic. Everything has to be for romance... not respect, compromise, etc. (fucking boring, and in my personal opinion, illogical and vague). I'm cold natured, I have to kept warm or each time you see me, it's like we just met. This is all hindsight as men I have dated told me that each time they spoke to me it felt like the first time again. After years of thinking on it, I'm detached and whatever heat you want, you gotta bring it.

Tell him, you need communication to stimulate you, you need communication to keep the amore going, you need communication to stay wet. You need communication to feel his desire. Being desired, makes you feel desire. Make everything more.

Moms, dads, school teacher - respect.

Old married people, sales, contracts - compromise.

Keep it hot - amore.

And, allure...

Personally, I never explained these things to men... allure. I wanted dreamy experiences... allure. Demanding phone calls like I'm somebody's momma - booooooooo.

Seduction

The texting isn't even the issue. I can see both arguments, it was mostly used as an example.

Its the not bending/compromising.... which is necessary to any relationship. I feel I try to see his side, even if I don't agree and that he doesn't do the same. That is what annoys me. And the inability to take what i'm suggesting as a way to improve things mutually, but instead as a personal attack.

Then the aftermath of what I feel like is manipulative "punishment". Do you really need to be a brat for three days because I said I wasnt a fucking mind reader?

These are stupid things that could simply be communicated, and moved on with. Instead its stubborness...followed by coldness.... followed by me giving in and mending shit. I"m a Gemini moon I couldnt stay upset about something if I tried!!!! Just hear me out and lets keep it moving.

A simple "Oh damn, I thought you knew I was in the studio. My bad. Ill call you tomorrow".... BOOM! situation completely resolved for me. NOPE! It had to be a whole thing. I feel its on purpose, and thats what Im trying to figure out how to navigate.

Posted by heliumfiasco

The texting isn't even the issue. I can see both arguments, it was mostly used as an example.

Its the not bending/compromising.... which is necessary to any relationship. I feel I try to see his side, even if I don't agree and that he doesn't do the same. That is what annoys me. And the inability to take what i'm suggesting as a way to improve things mutually, but instead as a personal attack.

Then the aftermath of what I feel like is manipulative "punishment". Do you really need to be a brat for three days because I said I wasnt a fucking mind reader?

These are stupid things that could simply be communicated, and moved on with. Instead its stubborness...followed by coldness.... followed by me giving in and mending shit. I"m a Gemini moon I couldnt stay upset about something if I tried!!!! Just hear me out and lets keep it moving.

A simple "Oh damn, I thought you knew I was in the studio. My bad. Ill call you tomorrow".... BOOM! situation completely resolved for me. NOPE! It had to be a whole thing. I feel its on purpose, and thats what Im trying to figure out how to navigate.

This sounds awfully parental.

"Pick your battles."

Everything is not a compromise. Compromise in and of itself sounds like a obvious positive. But, it's not. "Compromise principles, ethics, independence, security..."

Continuous "compromise" can lend itself to control.

This a adult male. The further you stray from his norm as a single individual... and in a negative way... the less it's a compromise and more a demand. You're supposed to bring sunshine... not overcast.

Your original post framed this up like a tug of war.

You said it yourself "I lost control" "how do I get my control back" … I wouldn't know what to say because I don't look at relationships as having to have "control" over them.

Wish I could offer advice but that's way too much Leo for me lol. I'm just gonna say hang in there though

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by heliumfiasco

The texting isn't even the issue. I can see both arguments, it was mostly used as an example.

Its the not bending/compromising.... which is necessary to any relationship. I feel I try to see his side, even if I don't agree and that he doesn't do the same. That is what annoys me. And the inability to take what i'm suggesting as a way to improve things mutually, but instead as a personal attack.

Then the aftermath of what I feel like is manipulative "punishment". Do you really need to be a brat for three days because I said I wasnt a fucking mind reader?

These are stupid things that could simply be communicated, and moved on with. Instead its stubborness...followed by coldness.... followed by me giving in and mending shit. I"m a Gemini moon I couldnt stay upset about something if I tried!!!! Just hear me out and lets keep it moving.

A simple "Oh damn, I thought you knew I was in the studio. My bad. Ill call you tomorrow".... BOOM! situation completely resolved for me. NOPE! It had to be a whole thing. I feel its on purpose, and thats what Im trying to figure out how to navigate.

This sounds awfully parental.

"Pick your battles."

Everything is not a compromise. Compromise in and of itself sounds like a obvious positive. But, it's not. "Compromise principles, ethics, independence, security..."

Continuous "compromise" can lend itself to control.

This a adult male. The further you stray from his norm as a single individual... and in a negative way... the less it's a compromise and more a demand. You're supposed to bring sunshine... not overcast.

Your original post framed this up like a tug of war.

click to expand

I can see your point but its beyond that. If he texts me and I dont respond all hell would break loose. He is stubborn and emotionally manipulative. I can def see how this has become "parental", but im trying me best to try and make the situation balanced because he is important to me.

I think my example of the text was taken as the basis of this.... and its not. I should respect his need for space, but he shouldnt respect mine of knowing WTF is going on? Nah. I dont even care if hes busy....not the point. Hell, You need a week to do whatever you want? Cool. Just let me know. A year in and thats fair....im sorry but it isnt unreasonable to expect clear communication from your partner.

Posted by nanorobot

I think 1 text message/day is very manageable and if that’s too much for him when he knows it means a lot to you, then it shows just how much he cares about you.

Let me be clear, I’m sick of men who play the “I’m too busy” card. Sending 1 fucking text message is not hard. That is not an unreasonable expectation. It’s just ego at this point

“Hey babe, I’m super busy today, but I will be in touch tomorrow. Talk to you soon.”

SoOoooOOooOoOooO HaRd

I agree.

In my opinion, open communication at all times (trust being the other one) is one of the two main pillars a healthy relationship is built upon. It literally takes five seconds to text someone to tell them you don't want to be bothered by anyone for the day. Case closed, no hurt feelings. Deliberately ignoring your partner however, rather gives off the impression the time you spent together days before was too much for the other person (or that there are hidden annoyances that are dealt with through silence - big mistake - instead of voicing them, which is what's healthy) the ignored partner will of course interpret the unexplained silence as "did I do something wrong?" "was I too much for him these last few days? And if I was, maybe I'd like to do it differently next time"

So as you see, basically a missed opportunity for growth in a relationship.

Posted by MaddestofHatters

Does he have aspergers? How is he with normal social cues?

You know... im pretty sure he does. I posted about it like a year ago. He was awkward physically, but he got over that. Not an issue anymore. He def suffers from depressive episodes too, he isnt a typical Leo.... is a loner 100%

Posted by notreally

You said it yourself "I lost control" "how do I get my control back" … I wouldn't know what to say because I don't look at relationships as having to have "control" over them.

I can totally see how my wording maybe implied that. Control sounds very negative. I meant that I feel like I have no say on how anything is going to be anymore. That I am not heard. I want to find a way for their to be give and take.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by notreally

You said it yourself "I lost control" "how do I get my control back" … I wouldn't know what to say because I don't look at relationships as having to have "control" over them.

I can totally see how my wording maybe implied that. Control sounds very negative. I meant that I feel like I have no say on how anything is going to be anymore. That I am not heard. I want to find a way for their to be give and take.

click to expand

Since I've read more I do see the Leo in this situation - I have a Leo friend who wants to be more but has this same thing going on (besides other stuff going on that I'm not interested in) If he does it, it's ok. But if I do it, all hell breaks out. I laugh at him and tell him he's a dickhead and he hates it. I don't care and that makes it easier. He will not even outwardly acknowledge that I am right; he will just move on and ignore it. Not my cup of tea but we remain friends to a point. So anyway maybe this is a Leo thing. It sounds like there is something there. Of course you can't push. That only makes it worse.

Posted by poeticseraphim

This is who he is. He can't change.

Ya know, that very well could be the answer. I stated that in my post. I'm kind of lost on if there is something I could explain/ do in a better way, or if that's just whats up.

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by heliumfiasco

The texting isn't even the issue. I can see both arguments, it was mostly used as an example.

Its the not bending/compromising.... which is necessary to any relationship. I feel I try to see his side, even if I don't agree and that he doesn't do the same. That is what annoys me. And the inability to take what i'm suggesting as a way to improve things mutually, but instead as a personal attack.

Then the aftermath of what I feel like is manipulative "punishment". Do you really need to be a brat for three days because I said I wasnt a fucking mind reader?

These are stupid things that could simply be communicated, and moved on with. Instead its stubborness...followed by coldness.... followed by me giving in and mending shit. I"m a Gemini moon I couldnt stay upset about something if I tried!!!! Just hear me out and lets keep it moving.

A simple "Oh damn, I thought you knew I was in the studio. My bad. Ill call you tomorrow".... BOOM! situation completely resolved for me. NOPE! It had to be a whole thing. I feel its on purpose, and thats what Im trying to figure out how to navigate.

This sounds awfully parental.

"Pick your battles."

Everything is not a compromise. Compromise in and of itself sounds like a obvious positive. But, it's not. "Compromise principles, ethics, independence, security..."

Continuous "compromise" can lend itself to control.

This a adult male. The further you stray from his norm as a single individual... and in a negative way... the less it's a compromise and more a demand. You're supposed to bring sunshine... not overcast.

Your original post framed this up like a tug of war.

I don't agree, she doesn't have to do a damn thing but live and die, fuk all that sunshine crap - that's not a womans' role

she should be who she wants to be - and if she feels like being overcast, rain on that motherfucker and if he can't deal with it, fuck him too.

People are not robotic beings there to play some fantasy role

click to expand

You understand metaphors and their usage.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Posted by nanorobot

I think 1 text message/day is very manageable and if that’s too much for him when he knows it means a lot to you, then it shows just how much he cares about you.

Let me be clear, I’m sick of men who play the “I’m too busy” card. Sending 1 fucking text message is not hard. That is not an unreasonable expectation. It’s just ego at this point

“Hey babe, I’m super busy today, but I will be in touch tomorrow. Talk to you soon.”

SoOoooOOooOoOooO HaRd

I agree.

In my opinion, open communication at all times (trust being the other one) is one of the two main pillars a healthy relationship is built upon. It literally takes five seconds to text someone to tell them you don't want to be bothered by anyone for the day. Case closed, no hurt feelings. Deliberately ignoring your partner however, rather gives off the impression the time you spent together days before was too much for the other person (or that there are hidden annoyances that are dealt with through silence - big mistake - instead of voicing them, which is what's healthy) the ignored partner will of course interpret the unexplained silence as "did I do something wrong?" "was I too much for him these last few days? And if I was, maybe I'd like to do it differently next time"

So as you see, basically a missed opportunity for growth in a relationship.

You can just say exactly the same thing in person, if that's what's bothering him or her.

Plenty of ways to skin a cat.

But personally I look at people who say they're too busy as just buying time, looking for an excuse or they don't know how to confront what's important to them and can't find the words to share what's important to them.

There's no such thing as being too busy. I'd bet for most couples, it's just you want to make the best use of your time together. Once relationships go down the text messaging route, then next thing you know your partner is spending more energy anticipating the next conversation rather than getting on with her day. No point feeding into that with more texts, just cut it out completely.

click to expand

Partially agree with not allowing texting to become a major source of leverage in a relationship. However cutting it out completely sounds extreme to me. There is a place and time for most things, and that applies for calling, texting and speaking in person too. The way I try to divide the three of them in my relationship to keep myself mentally sane is:

Texting: for quick/important one-liners mostly, be it cute words or something urgent and the odd funny meme/quote

Calling: does not happen very often and if it happens it is to discuss something urgent that was already mentioned in a text beforehand.

Anything else, one-to-one.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by heliumfiasco

The texting isn't even the issue. I can see both arguments, it was mostly used as an example.

Its the not bending/compromising.... which is necessary to any relationship. I feel I try to see his side, even if I don't agree and that he doesn't do the same. That is what annoys me. And the inability to take what i'm suggesting as a way to improve things mutually, but instead as a personal attack.

Then the aftermath of what I feel like is manipulative "punishment". Do you really need to be a brat for three days because I said I wasnt a fucking mind reader?

These are stupid things that could simply be communicated, and moved on with. Instead its stubborness...followed by coldness.... followed by me giving in and mending shit. I"m a Gemini moon I couldnt stay upset about something if I tried!!!! Just hear me out and lets keep it moving.

A simple "Oh damn, I thought you knew I was in the studio. My bad. Ill call you tomorrow".... BOOM! situation completely resolved for me. NOPE! It had to be a whole thing. I feel its on purpose, and thats what Im trying to figure out how to navigate.

This sounds awfully parental.

"Pick your battles."

Everything is not a compromise. Compromise in and of itself sounds like a obvious positive. But, it's not. "Compromise principles, ethics, independence, security..."

Continuous "compromise" can lend itself to control.

This a adult male. The further you stray from his norm as a single individual... and in a negative way... the less it's a compromise and more a demand. You're supposed to bring sunshine... not overcast.

Your original post framed this up like a tug of war.

I can see your point but its beyond that. If he texts me and I dont respond all hell would break loose. He is stubborn and emotionally manipulative. I can def see how this has become "parental", but im trying me best to try and make the situation balanced because he is important to me.

I think my example of the text was taken as the basis of this.... and its not. I should respect his need for space, but he shouldnt respect mine of knowing WTF is going on? Nah. I dont even care if hes busy....not the point. Hell, You need a week to do whatever you want? Cool. Just let me know. A year in and thats fair....im sorry but it isnt unreasonable to expect clear communication from your partner.

click to expand

What I read was a need for compromise. You're moving your arguement/examples around... one minute a "courtesy" call everyday. Now, it's call to let someone know they're going MIA for a week.... which is two different extremes.

As for your communication examples, communication is the sending of a message that is recieved. So is that you really need conversation? Do you need to make contact everyday? Or, do you need him to check-in everyday?

I also read a sense of loss of control..."To be honest, I feel I've lost any control in the relationship." I never thought of "control" in relationship as a desired element of relationships. But, the overall sense of your post reads like it.

Setting your personal boundaries early on is key to a successful relationship. That way you truly get a feel for each other early on. It’s easy (for me anyways) to want to bend and make things work, but you have to know your line and if it’s crossed, you need a plan. If it is something that is important to you at your core and it’s been well communicated with no results, it may be time to show him you mean business. It’s really easy (again for me) to fall for someone’s potential rather than who they really are right now. If he’s not ready to be in a committed relationship with you, maybe it’s time for a break. I realize you don’t want to, but do you want to go your entire relationship unfulfilled? You gotta be tough in these tough situations. I’m not a Libra and I don’t know the extent of your relationship, but there needs to be some reciprocity and I think you’re needing that—balance as you put it. I know I cannot stand when my feelings are constantly negated especially when I am so accepting of theirs.

Posted by nanorobot

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Posted by nanorobot

I think 1 text message/day is very manageable and if that’s too much for him when he knows it means a lot to you, then it shows just how much he cares about you.

Let me be clear, I’m sick of men who play the “I’m too busy” card. Sending 1 fucking text message is not hard. That is not an unreasonable expectation. It’s just ego at this point

“Hey babe, I’m super busy today, but I will be in touch tomorrow. Talk to you soon.”

SoOoooOOooOoOooO HaRd

I agree.

In my opinion, open communication at all times (trust being the other one) is one of the two main pillars a healthy relationship is built upon. It literally takes five seconds to text someone to tell them you don't want to be bothered by anyone for the day. Case closed, no hurt feelings. Deliberately ignoring your partner however, rather gives off the impression the time you spent together days before was too much for the other person (or that there are hidden annoyances that are dealt with through silence - big mistake - instead of voicing them, which is what's healthy) the ignored partner will of course interpret the unexplained silence as "did I do something wrong?" "was I too much for him these last few days? And if I was, maybe I'd like to do it differently next time"

So as you see, basically a missed opportunity for growth in a relationship.

Or to talk down to them and say it’s “ridiculous” and refuse to do it. It’s just petty and trying to create drama at that point. We all sit on the toilet for several minutes each day and there is zero excuse why you can’t take the time to send a message saying exactly what you just wrote, during that time.

click to expand

Yeah, passive-aggressive behavior basically. I think we've all done it at some point but it's such a massive waste of time and energy, and so easy to prevent :/

I cannot stress this enough but if people got opinions about this I am alright with your comments and what you think. But this is how I view communication now,

You can not communicate effectively with a person who does not see anything wrong with their actions.

It’s not your fault nor is it his. Both of y’all value something different. It’s either he compromises with you and try to work things out in the relationship or you walk away from the person who cannot give you what you want.

Posted by black773

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Not the case at all. I have way more of a life than he does actually. I am not sitting around waiting for a text. That is not the issue at all here. I text him to see what was up... we are way beyond the point of sitting and waiting for him to text me. We've been together over a year. Its about him being stubborn. My point about the text was that at this point, we plan dinners/nights around each other. Me asking that if that isnt going to happen, to be notified, is reasonable. Him stating that id just have to deal with it, is an example of what im talking about. Now lets say I made other plans, and he reached out, he would lose his mind. My point is NOT the text. Or a need for attention....its about how I can effectively communicate to him that certain things arent fair, without him pouting about it for a week.

Posted by Echo

I cannot stress this enough but if people got opinions about this I am alright with your comments and what you think. But this is how I view communication now,

You can not communicate effectively with a person who does not see anything wrong with their actions.

It’s not your fault nor is it his. Both of y’all value something different. It’s either he compromises with you and try to work things out in the relationship or you walk away from the person who cannot give you what you want.

I think youre probably right.

Communication does not mean agreement.

Communication does not mean compromise.

I wrote this example in my thread, "Judgement, Criticism and What It Actually Might Say About You"

Person says: "He or she never listens to me."

Translation: "I want obedience and control. 'Listening' actually means do as I say."

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Echo

I cannot stress this enough but if people got opinions about this I am alright with your comments and what you think. But this is how I view communication now,

You can not communicate effectively with a person who does not see anything wrong with their actions.

It’s not your fault nor is it his. Both of y’all value something different. It’s either he compromises with you and try to work things out in the relationship or you walk away from the person who cannot give you what you want.

I think youre probably right.

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It’s hard to take things in, but slowly taking in the truth gets easier to handle on the long haul.

An individual cannot comprehend with another person’s feeling when all they see is theirs. So, it will only result to them declaring you’re a manipulator, you’re toxic, you’re too demanding and they’ll feel like they’re walking on eggshells just to try and satisfy your desires and needs.

I been wanting to tell friends and people to take a step back, and think about if this is the bullshit you want to constantly waste your breath on?

It seems so easy to do, but they’ll complain and say it’s too much and too overwhelming cause “that’s not me.”

If someone really cared about your damn feelings and the relationship it wouldn’t be such a problem. If you care about your well-being it’s best to walk away, and save it for someone who is willing to do the same for you. Because fuck them and fuck their feelings, go have fun 🙄

Stupid ass bitch thinks my feelings don’t matter? Okay, let me take my whole feelings and put it to me.

Then he complains you’re not giving him wifey material shit? Just let out a laugh, “I’m sorry, I have to worry about you being hungry? When you didn’t care about my feelings?”

He can’t cook? Okie starve, go buy something at the store.

Your laundry ain’t done? You wanted me to go do it? That’s none of my business.

Why am I treating you differently? I am loving myself not you. 🙄🙄

Petty as it could be, but I ain’t dealing with a bitch who ain’t communicating with me.

“Where are you? I thought you were coming home from work” Last time I check, I have no ring on my finger. My status is single not married.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by black773

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Not the case at all. I have way more of a life than he does actually. I am not sitting around waiting for a text. That is not the issue at all here. I text him to see what was up... we are way beyond the point of sitting and waiting for him to text me. We've been together over a year. Its about him being stubborn. My point about the text was that at this point, we plan dinners/nights around each other. Me asking that if that isnt going to happen, to be notified, is reasonable. Him stating that id just have to deal with it, is an example of what im talking about. Now lets say I made other plans, and he reached out, he would lose his mind. My point is NOT the text. Or a need for attention....its about how I can effectively communicate to him that certain things arent fair, without him pouting about it for a week.

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For things that are really important, I'm willing to deal with the fall out. It's cathartic.

He has to learn the inconvenience, hypocrisy, in real time. Then, you simply and logically reinforce the message.

So what he pouts, gets angry, whatever...

This may simply be how he deals with conflict.

My husband deals with conflict by doing comparisons.... mostly unaligned, previously not mentioned, or not even remotely apple's to orange's. He knows he does it. I point out every flaw in his argument. Sometimes he gets childish and starts mimicking me and I laugh at him.

I decided I can deal with this. And, it's funny to see him do the same shit everytime.

The bad thing that might happen is he breaks up with you for some related reason but, from his perspective of this situation. Just keep an eye out for that. So, be sure to be observant and listen to where his mind is.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by black773

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Not the case at all. I have way more of a life than he does actually. I am not sitting around waiting for a text. That is not the issue at all here. I text him to see what was up... we are way beyond the point of sitting and waiting for him to text me. We've been together over a year. Its about him being stubborn. My point about the text was that at this point, we plan dinners/nights around each other. Me asking that if that isnt going to happen, to be notified, is reasonable. Him stating that id just have to deal with it, is an example of what im talking about. Now lets say I made other plans, and he reached out, he would lose his mind. My point is NOT the text. Or a need for attention....its about how I can effectively communicate to him that certain things arent fair, without him pouting about it for a week.

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See I would have to let him pout and he would either have to get over it or not.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Echo

I cannot stress this enough but if people got opinions about this I am alright with your comments and what you think. But this is how I view communication now,

You can not communicate effectively with a person who does not see anything wrong with their actions.

It’s not your fault nor is it his. Both of y’all value something different. It’s either he compromises with you and try to work things out in the relationship or you walk away from the person who cannot give you what you want.

I think youre probably right.

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yes, I can feel this - people have very different preferences

Posted by notreally

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by black773

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Not the case at all. I have way more of a life than he does actually. I am not sitting around waiting for a text. That is not the issue at all here. I text him to see what was up... we are way beyond the point of sitting and waiting for him to text me. We've been together over a year. Its about him being stubborn. My point about the text was that at this point, we plan dinners/nights around each other. Me asking that if that isnt going to happen, to be notified, is reasonable. Him stating that id just have to deal with it, is an example of what im talking about. Now lets say I made other plans, and he reached out, he would lose his mind. My point is NOT the text. Or a need for attention....its about how I can effectively communicate to him that certain things arent fair, without him pouting about it for a week.

See I would have to let him pout and he would either have to get over it or not.

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Ya know. Its hard cause I love him. He isnt a bad dude....he just can be very self-focused and HIGHLY sensitive. Its hard to have a reasonable conversation when someone is on the defensive. Its like talking to a wall.

The frustrating part is sometimes I KNOW he sees my point.... but he refuses to acknowledge it. His way of handling stuff is to pretend it never happened. Its true about that leo/aqua axis stuff...my mom is an Aqua, same way. She will be mad that she did YOU wrong.... not talk to you for days, then be like "hey want to go shopping?" Like nothing ever happened! haha I gave up on communicating with that woman YEARS ago. Love her to death though.

This is a good thread - good info and banter. Not that all Leo males are alike or anything lmfao. But now I get it. I've know this Leo guy for about maybe 8 months now and I see some of what is described.

Good lord, my son is a Leo. The dynamics between us is different however because I'm the mother. I would hope that I taught him something tho …

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by notreally

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by black773

And not to put you down but you do sound desperate here. You need some hobbies and other activities you can do alone. You don’t need to be waiting on a man to text you lol. That’s fucking crazy.

Not the case at all. I have way more of a life than he does actually. I am not sitting around waiting for a text. That is not the issue at all here. I text him to see what was up... we are way beyond the point of sitting and waiting for him to text me. We've been together over a year. Its about him being stubborn. My point about the text was that at this point, we plan dinners/nights around each other. Me asking that if that isnt going to happen, to be notified, is reasonable. Him stating that id just have to deal with it, is an example of what im talking about. Now lets say I made other plans, and he reached out, he would lose his mind. My point is NOT the text. Or a need for attention....its about how I can effectively communicate to him that certain things arent fair, without him pouting about it for a week.

See I would have to let him pout and he would either have to get over it or not.

Ya know. Its hard cause I love him. He isnt a bad dude....he just can be very self-focused and HIGHLY sensitive. Its hard to have a reasonable conversation when someone is on the defensive. Its like talking to a wall.

The frustrating part is sometimes I KNOW he sees my point.... but he refuses to acknowledge it. His way of handling stuff is to pretend it never happened. Its true about that leo/aqua axis stuff...my mom is an Aqua, same way. She will be mad that she did YOU wrong.... not talk to you for days, then be like "hey want to go shopping?" Like nothing ever happened! haha I gave up on communicating with that woman YEARS ago. Love her to death though.

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Yes, it would be hard if I cared so I see your point. And one wonders if it will get worse as time goes on.

I'm gonna suggest the wrong thing lol. But tit for tat....you don't wanna compromise or bend...fuck off, either will I and let's just see who breaks first.

This is probably why I'm #foreveralone 😆

Posted by blvckphvze

Posted by _mudra

Posted by heliumfiasco

I'm not going to debate who is right or wrong. As in typical Libra fashion I see both sides clearly.

However.... I'm having a bit of an issue with my Leo. He has become completely stubborn and seems reluctant to validate my feelings, if he thinks they arent reasonable. You cant really do that in successful relationships. You cant debate emotions/needs.

Example... he will be amazing all week, then suddenly just not text or call me all day. Ill text him around dinner to see the deal and he'll be snappy/cold with me because he is doing work. I calmly stated to him that I respect that, and do not want to disturb him, but to just let me know that is the case I AM NOT A MIND READER... I said shoot a sweet text at some point during the day, or at least let me know. That would make me feel better. It literally takes 2 seconds and I think it is respectful. I simply asked if we could have that middle ground. He flat out said it was ridiculous. I should know he is working. That I shouldn't tell people what they should say, and that if that doesn't work for me, he doesn't know what to tell me. I was floored.

Here is why it bothers me-- I get his point. He is a busy person. I shouldn't "need" that validation.

But, its such a simple thing to do, a lot of the time I feel his pride is more important than my feelings/requests. Also, it feels like if I mention anything at all that is bothering me, its a complete shutdown from him for days. No matter how painstakingly eloquent I try to make my approach, he is offended.

It's so dramatic. So exhausting.

To be honest, I feel I've lost any control in the relationship. He has figured me out. He knows that I will bend to keep the peace, and that I hate to be ignored. That I will always fix the situation. Its kind of manipulative.

I can flat out say I understand his viewpoint, his feelings, basically kiss his ass and he will just be like "ok" then take two days of barely speaking to me.. as punishment. Its wild. Its like, "dude really?!" The thing is there is no doubt that he is in love with me, none. We have an amazing time, every relationship has issues.... but I need some advice on how to get this shit more balanced. For real. Because he is driving me insane.

I think ive posted similar stuff about this kind of thing with him.... but just venting again and looking for fresh insight. I'm not looking to break-up or bash him. Just really want to find a way to find more balance. Should i just surrender to this is the way it is, or is there a way I can gain back some footing here? I know ive always read DO NOT let a Leo man start running the show completely cause they can get wild....and its true, once I started giving in to "keep the peace"...it got WORSE!

He is amazing in SO many ways, but his sensitivity and stubbornness are a hell of a mix. I dont want to make it sound like i have the worst relationship or anything, but instead of bothering my friends with relationship concerns, I use this board! haha

Reminder his chart is below.... Dominant planet is Pluto

Sag Rising

Leo Sun 9th

Leo Moon 8th

Virgo Merc 9th

Leo Venus 8th

Scorpio Mars 11th

Sounds familiar. Welcome to the gaslighting phase. They're phenomenal at it. Good luck!

My advice... when he takes off... force yourself to get into your groove. Go out and do your thing. When he comes back, don't be so readily available. Talk about your feelings not in the moment but later on. Any kind of emotional heaviness will just make him act even more crappy. For as loving and understanding they can be at times, they flip and become crazy selfish. The best thing to do is hold your power and take off your damn self when he's doing something you disapprove of. It's literally impossible to get through to all that stubborn leo energy when they disagree with you. No bend for you? Don't bend for him.

Never been gaslighted by a Leo.. only Libras.. So maybe we can't blame Sun signs here. Never delt with any of this crap from Leos ever. Kinda jumping the gun.. he hasn't left or gone anywhere. He's just not communicating the way she would like or being flexible to her needs. I can see Libra - Leo energy rubbing one another the wrong way for sure.

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He is a total loner....not even one friend in the city. Not one. Planned on being single forever. Honestly, I think taking someone elses perspective into consideration is 100% foreign to him. He was in a 8 year relationship with another Libra, but she cheated on him 7 times over the course of 8 years and didnt want him really involved in her life too much. Treated him as a complete afterthought to everything. Would leave for weeks at a time and never even call him. Its done some damage. Maybe hed prefer me that way.

hahaha!

Posted by Sailor_Mars

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

The Leo/Libra dynamic I've noticed is you're always in the Pushover seat. They're in charge and you can't have a problem with that.

Libras are too feeble to stand up to them, so you get walked all over. Even when you're trying to point out a negative aspect in his behavior, you're too busy trying to sugarcoat it. Leos don't respect Libras because they don't see you as equals.

Only another fire-dominant person can handle them and put them in their place from time to time. Sorry, gurl.

I don't waste my time with Leos.

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Don't like a challenge, do ya? That's cool, more for me then! Leos are smoking hot more often than not.

Which is far more than I can say for those you say you're attracted to. As ugly AS FUCK on the outside as he is on the inside.

This thread makes me realize that if I was a dude, I would probably be broken up with a lot over no texting issues. 😆

I haven't read through any of the replies, just your initial post. My first thought reading your post was, "what's your love language?"...do you know? Also, you seem to be feeling that because YOU bend to someone else, that they should as well...not always the case. He may not know that his behavior is causing you this much stress...because you don't let him fully, fully (cause you say that you 'keep the peace') know what's up?..



If any of this is cleared up after your initial post, I apologize.

Posted by nanorobot

I think 1 text message/day is very manageable and if that’s too much for him when he knows it means a lot to you, then it shows just how much he cares about you.

Let me be clear, I’m sick of men who play the “I’m too busy” card. Sending 1 fucking text message is not hard. That is not an unreasonable expectation. It’s just ego at this point

“Hey babe, I’m super busy today, but I will be in touch tomorrow. Talk to you soon.”

SoOoooOOooOoOooO HaRd

Sheeeet at least thumbs up the text. Somethin

Posted by heliumfiasco

I'm not going to debate who is right or wrong. As in typical Libra fashion I see both sides clearly.

However.... I'm having a bit of an issue with my Leo. He has become completely stubborn and seems reluctant to validate my feelings, if he thinks they arent reasonable. You cant really do that in successful relationships. You cant debate emotions/needs....

There are a lot of replies already, so I did not read through all of the advice that has already been given. First, do not make texting the hill you wish to die on to make your point. I understand that you have said the issue is not about texting, so my advice is not to use it as an example. It can be a sticking point with many Leos. It s like ignoring an Aquarius or a Scorpio when they go silent to prove a point, it will not work in your favor.

Leos are busy people and many of us do not see texting as an important form of real communication. I personally see texting as an addiction people have succumbed to due to their own insecurities. Leos do not like actions borne from insecurities, low self-esteem, cowardice, etc. Texting also places an odd obligation on a person's time and communication style that we freedom loving Leos simply refuse to acknowledge. Why? We know the obligation is subjective, it is imaginary. Before texting became compulsory, couples went about their daily lives without the constant need for validation from their partners. The ability to communicate whenever and however we want has made us crazy. It is a dopamine rush, not an emotional need. So please understand that is why a Leo will snap back regarding texting.

That being said, I have also had women falsely insinuate that my texts contained more malice than they actually did. I have had women freak out over my texts that were completely benign, but that seemed curt to them. As a result I personally do not believe one can truly derive tone from a text unless the intention is made perfectly clear by the sender. When you live in world where people rely so much on texting to bring them pleasure/validation, it becomes exhausting. So understand that you are probably not the first person to have this issue with the Leo. So again, do not make texting the centerpiece for your conflict with the Leo. Tell him that you simply need more direct communication from him.

Now aside from texting if you actually feel that the Leo is ignoring you, that needs to be handled immediately. Never let any person disrespect you like that. I know some people have said that you need to be soft and "romantic" when you present your issues to a Leo, that is not true at all. Yes you want to be in a positive/constructive headspace with a Leo, but you also want to be firm and direct. Do not be disrespectful, but do not be afraid of conflict either. The problem Libras often have with Leo is trying to play both sides and being too diplomatic in the process. Libras are also often conflict averse. This will annoy a Leo because it comes across as manipulative to us. If you have something you want to say to a fire sign, say it.

Do not beat around the bush, but be as respectful as you want him to be with you. If a Leo thinks/senses that a person is not being direct, we may ignore the situation (or at least not give it our full attention). This is because we see direct behavior as a strength and indirect behavior as weakness. While many Leos are happy to never have a big fight with their partners, we will respect those who will confront us when we step over the line. It shows that you have enough self respect to fight for what you need/believe. I can not tell you how many times I have had to call out Libras for not being direct about their own personal needs.

So how do you handle this? First let the Leo know that you need to talk. Let him know that you are a woman who needs to feel respected and emotionally connected with her man. He should know that you do not feel that you are being heard by him. Texting is not the issue, but lack of communication is. Tell him that you understand if he can not respond right away, but communication is key in any healthy relationship. Your needs are also important and he needs to know that. It should not be a chore for him to communicate with you, especially if it is concise.

After that, GET BUSY. If the Leo is not giving you the time that you need from him, then let him feel the lack of your presence. Do not ignore him or play games, but do not be the only one in the relationship who reaches out if he is not making an effort to communicate. Again only do this once you have stated your concerns and IF he has not made an effort to adjust his behavior. It is possible he has become accustomed to having the relationship run on his schedule. He may need to feel what happens when you are also busy and are not easy to reach.

Devil's advocate: Also be aware of how you are texting the Leo. If you are looking to have full conversations via text instead of transmitting quick bursts of information, that may be the source of the issue. For example a Leo will see the the following texts differently: "Hey how was you day? What are you doing later?" vs "Hey are you free for dinner at 7 tonight? I'm going out." Both are obviously harmless texts, but one is far more direct. If a Leo is busy, we are far more likely to answer the second text faster than the first since it requires less of an obligation to set plans. My personal belief is that texts are perfect for directions, ETAs, yes/no questions, and simple questions. Anything beyond that requires a phone call.

Also remember that the Leo is a busy person. I know a lot of women who wish to have a successful man, but do not quite understand what comes with that. Understand that the same way you may not know what comprises his schedule, he may not understand the free time you have in yours. This may also be the source of the conflict. I am a busy person who naturally assumes EVERYONE else must be busy too (even though I have to remind myself this is not always true). Should the Leo adjust his life now that he is in a relationship? Yes? Will that be easy? Not exactly. Leos are workaholics like Tauruses. Meaning we can take a stretch of time to get through a project. This does not mean we are ignoring you. We just have a hard time focusing on anything else when our attention is fixed. This is the nature of the fixed signs in general. Also remember that part of what attracted you to the Leo in the first place is the fact that he had a full life.

I think your feelings are totally valid.

I’d be upset if my text went unanswered and when I follow up he flips the script and makes me seem unreasonable for wanting a reply. My dude is very responsive and even if he doesn’t get back to me right away I’ll get a text within an hour or so with “I’m in a seminar I’ll call you in x amount of time when I’m free”.

Maybe it’s helped that in the past I’ve stayed chill when I didn’t get a response and let him know it’s cool if you cancel plans or are too busy to get back to me or just need some alone time. I’m not gonna be mad. And it’s not a big deal to me.

This has set a precedent where he knows to keep me updated and it’ll keep me happy. Just let me know either way.

And to be fair I’m the same way where sometimes I’m swamped or gotta cancel on him.

I agree with Boom in that texts are more for Gm/gn and confirming plans aka I’ll be there in 5, running late, etc etc.

Seeing that you reached out by text to confirm plans and he didn’t get back to you, so yes...this is a problem.

The biggest issue here is really that he is holding you to a higher standard then he holds himself. Knowing he would get butthurt if you pulled this same ish. That’s gotta irritate your fairness scales.

I also recall an earlier thread where you were frustrated by having to plan dates and carve out time together. You felt now that he ‘has you’ his effort has diminished.

This seems to be a similar issue where your having to do all the work in setting up the date, confirming the date. Or trying to anyways.

Something to consider, it’s been a year. Perhaps you are now meeting the person your dating. Not the fun attentive dude who wooed you. This is who he really is. Lazy in love.

Well, we ended up breaking up.

The conversation got heated. He said that he feels inferior in every area of his life. That he cannot give, when he is unsatisfied with who he is. That he shouldn’t be in a relationship in his current state, and that I was right.... he wasn’t pulling his weight. He said he doesn’t belong on this earth. That’s he's a failure in every way. The last message he sent was....

“It’s possibly for the best.

I’m operating at well-below my potentiality.

Really nowhere near it.

At least a million-miles from where I was a year ago.

It’s not fair to you, or anyone, including myself.

I’ve soul searched...quite a bit.

There’s no spiritual solution. I have to work on it pragmatically. I have to succeed where I feel I need to succeed.

I really honestly just have nothing else to say about it, other than that I’m sorry. “



And, I don’t have the energy to fight him on it.

I’m very sad, I invested a lot. But, you can’t force something that someone else doesn’t want.



Thank you all so much for the advice. I always find it so amazing that strangers take time out their day to help people on this board. Sometimes just talking to people openly without fear of judgement is really helpful and therapeutic. ❤️

Posted by nanorobot

Posted by heliumfiasco

Well, we ended up breaking up.

The conversation got heated. He said that he feels inferior in every area of his life. That he cannot give, when he is unsatisfied with who he is. That he shouldn’t be in a relationship in his current state, and that I was right.... he wasn’t pulling his weight. He said he doesn’t belong on this earth. That’s he's a failure in every way. The last message he sent was....

“It’s possibly for the best.

I’m operating at well-below my potentiality.

Really nowhere near it.

At least a million-miles from where I was a year ago.

It’s not fair to you, or anyone, including myself.

I’ve soul searched...quite a bit.

There’s no spiritual solution. I have to work on it pragmatically. I have to succeed where I feel I need to succeed.

I really honestly just have nothing else to say about it, other than that I’m sorry. “



And, I don’t have the energy to fight him on it.

I’m very sad, I invested a lot. But, you can’t force something that someone else doesn’t want.



Thank you all so much for the advice. I always find it so amazing that strangers take time out their day to help people on this board. Sometimes just talking to people openly without fear of judgement is really helpful and therapeutic. ❤️

I’m sorry 🥺💔

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Thank you. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t really sad. But I have to respect him and myself. I know he’s been depressed for months.... but I thought it was circumstantial because of work. Lately I realize it’s way deeper than that. I met with my friend Jason and his boyfriend two weeks ago to discuss it (as they went through something similar as a couple) It makes it harder because you feel like you’re walking out on someone sick... but I’ve really been in denial. Been thinking if I was just more giving, more loving, more understanding he would feel happier. He would be happier. But I can’t do that for him.



He also just told me he thinks he has early onset rheumatoid arthritis. As an artist this would be the worst thing to happen...... but he hasn’t even told me that. I’m just constantly in the dark.

It’s no way to live, and I guess I have to respect that he is doing what’s best for us both.

Brutal. Sorry he gave up on you guys.

Give it a few days and then reach out (or he will reach out regretting this decision).

It’s a shame when people call it quits when the going gets tough. At least be honest with your partner and give them the choice to stick it out with you. Ah well. Comes back to that communication issue, full circle. If you knew half of what he just revealed your approach might have been different.

But really, what you said about his past relationship and the damage it did to him. It’s sad and all. But you don’t deserve to pay for her sins.

Life is short and dick is aplenty.

@heliumfiasco

He has RA and Aspy?

He said he fears he has it. Not that he does.

That’s he’s scheduling an Appointment.

He said it flippantly after telling me the rest. I would never ever not be supportive. In fact I’m hurt that he’s carried that around without sharing his fear with me. It makes me realize how disconnected he is from me.

When I tell you guys that this has been a struggle I’m genuine. This is a man so private that he literally doesn’t have one friend in this city that’s he’s lived in for 12 years. Not one. I’m not exaggerating. Him letting me into his life was huge.... but I don’t think he knows how to really have me in it.

He is always in a lot of pain. But I thought it was normal 37 year old, working all day pain. Not anything more. I feel awful.

Posted by heliumfiasco

He said he fears he has it. Not that he does.

That’s he’s scheduling an Appointment.

He said it flippantly after telling me the rest. I would never ever not be supportive. In fact I’m hurt that he’s carried that around without sharing his fear with me. It makes me realize how disconnected he is from me.

When I tell you guys that this has been a struggle I’m genuine. This is a man so private that he literally doesn’t have one friend in this city that’s he’s lived in for 12 years. Not one. I’m not exaggerating. Him letting me into his life was huge.... but I don’t think he knows how to really have me in it.

He is always in a lot of pain. But I thought it was normal 37 year old, working all day pain. Not anything more. I feel awful.

If he has RA, or any auto immune issue, it isn't pretty.

My mom has RA. I have hashimoto's.

My mom is in constant pain all day everyday. Her hands and ankles get it the worst. She basically has to take chemo drugs to keep her symptoms at bay.

With hashimoto's, I have to get my entire thyroid removed, and unfortunately the hypothyroidism turned into blood pressure issues that have now progressed to congestive heart failure. This was all because my doctor's wouldn't listen to me when I said autoimmune issues are a huge issue in my lineage.

If he has this, and aspy on top of it all, I would say have to say that what he has/had done for you was of great compromise on his part. I hope that he will settle down a little and you guys can open another dialogue and the break up isn't permanent. But just my two cents here, you should probably understand the sheer work he put into you and this relationship, if he has both of those conditions.

Posted by tiziani

I have RA.

I’ve had it since I was 6.

It does take years of getting used to, and it does sap your energy before you learn how to work with it. Ironically it’s exercise and staying active that keeps the inflammations to a minimum. Hermit life only makes it worse. At least for me.

I’ve seen relationships come back from way more than this. It just sounds like his first reaction is to feel helpless but maybe things will calm down in the morning.

My mom just told me that she's been going into the sauna for 15 minutes at her gym, and its kept her inflammation at bay during winter in her hands.