Cancer women... (Page 2)

Posted by LibraSid


Isn't that what being boyfriend and girlfriend is about though? It's saying hey, I like you let's see if it's more than that. Sure it's possible in a month something happens, but that is true at any stage. It's not marriage, it's not even moving in together. It's just saying I like you enough to give this a chance and not be pursuing someone else.

Hmm, perhaps. But i think if the wheels are going to come off, it is more likely to be in the beginning.

To me, bf and gf (or gf/gf or bf/bf) means I like you and know you enough to know that this is something i want to put effort in to. many times i will think, hey, i like this person, they are interesting and then something happens where it is just a big no. luckily it's still early days so not much time, emotion or intention has been invested so it is very easy to just silently say 'pass'. then float away without hurt feelings (mine or his). it means avoiding uncomfortable conversations which inevitably ends with me lying, 'it's not you, it's me'.

if it happens later at the bf/gf stage then i will stick it out to see if it is a deal breaker or it is something that i can negotiate. 9 times out of 10, i'm going to hang in there and compromise.

maybe i am just slower to decide if i actually like the person. i can change my mind so easily so i try to spend a longish time to discover if this is just me with an infatuation or if my feelings are actually something to take seriously before i involve anyone else.

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by tiziani
I can relate to almost every detail of that, except instead of getting married twice, I only got engaged twice. So you win the Libra ribbon.

I don't know that two failed marriages should be celebrated... But, I'm a libra and there's a ribbon involved. I'll take it!

click to expand

Yeah, but don't you think that after two failed marriages that you'd learn to slow down a bit and not slap a title on something when it's still in its infancy?

Like I said, if you're both comfortable with it, that's fine. It all boils down to what works for both of you. To most people though, what you just exhibited would make a lot of people run the other way. I had to slow my ex down because he was ready to slap an "official" label on it despite my saying I wanted to slow things down a bit and make sure this was something I wanted to pursue. Things were going the right direction, but I wasn't about to settle into a relationship 2-3 weeks of knowing the guy. You don't really know a person well enough in that time to consider them a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Most people usually meet, chat up, date for a bit, and then decide if they want to continue and make it exclusive.

You just kinda went to chat up and exclusivity, haha. Which, again, I've known a lot of Libras to do. Just be careful, though. You've shown us how your Libran logic can fail you at times. But in the meantime, enjoy this situation for what it is. You deserve it after nutter fucked with your head well enough.

I dunno about it being so much "commitment phobic" and maybe more "omg I'm going to make sure this person isn't crazy as fuck before I continue further."

I definitely see multiple sides to this too. I don't think I necessarily have the right answers, I'm just being me.

I do have to point out though, I didn't make any move...she commented about dating libras in the past, I said I'd never dated a cancer, she made the connection and said I didn't have to say that anymore. I like her, but I wasn't gonna bring the bf/gf thing up for a while. I'm just saying it's not a huge deal to me. Yes, we're still getting to know each other.

And I haven't gotten any "oh shit" feelings yet. I'd say she's equally into me too. We're still talking on and off all day long. Between jobs and kids we're both busy but the communication has been steady and consistent.

The only time I have felt like I was making "a move" is when I went to kiss her the first time. I knew she wanted me to, so it kinda doesn't count as a move...

just to be clear, i'm not criticising!

i'm definitely on the sidelines cheering you on, Sid.

Posted by jeane
just to be clear, i'm not criticising!

i'm definitely on the sidelines cheering you on, Sid.

I'm not taking any of this as attacks and much of it isn't even personal. No worries, and thanks.

Posted by Sugarfoot


It's a matter of opinion but I do personally think we're a lot more commitment phobic as a society than we use to be. People discuss having "THE TALK" like their buying a damn house. Most men act like its the equivalent of proposing. SMH. And, what about this trend of making huge deals over asking a girl to the prom or homecoming? Girls are getting sent on scavenger hunts and having cakes made for them to ask for a prom date? Lol. I've seen less effort go into some actual marriage proposals. The smallest gestures between men and women are blown into extreme proportions these days. I'm thinking it's because it's becoming less and less common to actually commit or have any formality with the more popular option being FWB situations.

And continuing to see someone further to make sure they're not crazy AF IS dating them IMO. Some people can date adding the clause that they won't see anybody else (exclusivity). Others prefer not to. But isn't it still dating? How else do you get to know them?

Speaking personally, I am commitment phobic. I don't even like signing a phone contract let alone have someone I've just met to think they have dibs on me. And yes, some people take dating way too seriously. It's supposed to be fun but things can get too heavy too quickly which is I suppose why my reaction is to remain aloof until, like rocky says, I am pretty sure they are not crazy.

With that said, I understand your point that dating is a way to learn more about each other in an exclusive setting but somehow attaching a label to it seems to just give the relationship extra gravitas.

To play devil's advocate for a second, if dating and attaching an exclusivity label is just a way of getting to know people, can it be done too soon? What about on the same night? Say you meet someone at a party one night and hit it off. You like them and would like to know more about them. You haven't met anyone in a while that you connect with as well them. You exchange numbers and make plans to go out the following evening. Would it be appropriate to call them your boyfriend by the end of the night?

Posted by LibraSid


I'm not taking any of this as attacks and much of it isn't even personal. No worries, and thanks.

Good. I'm relieved 🙂

Posted by Sugarfoot


It's a matter of opinion but I do personally think we're a lot more commitment phobic as a society than we use to be. People discuss having "THE TALK" like their buying a damn house. Most men act like its the equivalent of proposing. SMH. And, what about this trend of making huge deals over asking a girl to the prom or homecoming? Girls are getting sent on scavenger hunts and having cakes made for them to ask for a prom date? Lol. I've seen less effort go into some actual marriage proposals. The smallest gestures between men and women are blown into extreme proportions these days. I'm thinking it's because it's becoming less and less common to actually commit or have any formality with the more popular option being FWB situations.

And continuing to see someone further to make sure they're not crazy AF IS dating them IMO. Some people can date adding the clause that they won't see anybody else (exclusivity). Others prefer not to. But isn't it still dating? How else do you get to know them?

Nobody said it WASN'T dating. I just don't see the need to rush titles when you've only been interested/seeing eachother for a few weeks.

But I agree with the rest. Each generation has been raised to become more and more retarded in dating. When I had to train in soccer with girls that were only 5-6 years younger than me, I was already a little baffled as to wtf they were talking about when they said they weren't "dating" just "talking." ....dafuq is this shit? It's the same damned thing. But the word "date" was oh so srs and omgz. ...again, absolutely retarded when it comes to this stuff. And I literally mean retarded as in stunted in matters like this.

While I think it's okay to take your time and NOT want to slap an immediate label on something after such a short time, I also think a lot of instances is less commitment phobe and more people needing to go at their own pace. People are all about instant gratification and tend to move too fast. These generations were raised by Disney, social media, as well as mainstream media- not their parents or any logical being telling them otherwise. Chances are mom and dad were too busy being self absorbed and working a shit ton to bother.

That, and everyone is drama-tastic anymore. I don't disagree about commitmentphobia, I just don't think it's the be all of why some of these things happen.