Gonna need some help here.

So I am trying write out the events of the last week, and leading up to with this Libra girl but in doing looks like it will require about 5 pages single spaced in word.

Ummmm......I could give a really shortened version which will sound pretty negative as there is a lot of pretext and perspective involved. Basically the last year plus this last week has to be shortened into a postable amount of text.

I think the most telling three sentances in what I have written so far are:

"I flew in early evening. She met me at the baggage claim. This would later prove to be symbolic."

Would you just get to it already...!!!!

tease!!!

Ok, I'll keep the pages I have written on the backburner for a while.

Basically what happened is for the last year or so we have been talking and recently started talking about traveling to see each other. She is someone I have known since we were little kids (small town) and have been interrested in each other for who knows how long and recently discovered the feelings were mutual.

She was being wishy washy when it came to planning the trip so late last tuesday night in a steamy conversation she mentioned wanting me there, right now. I asked if she would feel the same way the next day. She said she definately would. I told her to stop worrying about meeting, I wasn't expecting anything from her and to stop worrying and just pick me up from LAX the next night 😉 I think my free spirited ness shocked even her.

The trip wasn't so smooth. She went back and forth between wanting to give into lust and pulling back for the "Sake of friendship". Long story short the first time she backed off right when we were about to start having sex the first night I was there, I decided to get that out of my head, she has a lot of problems. Not to write her off or anything but these are pretty substancial, and she is not at the point yet of really breaking through them. She tried to paint me as "just another guy looking for sex" which pissed me off pretty bad because my motivations never included sex until she started getting really sexual first. Anyway, I am still confused about the whole thing. I flew back in last Friday night, I have left her a message and haven't heard back at yet. She was going to spend the weekend with her sister so I am not concerned about it, but I am wondering how things are going to go when we do talk.

Part of me really likes her. The other part of me has already set up two dates this week with really pretty girls.

Nico

If you set up two dates for next week then how special is she really? She can feel that and probably see it in your eyes.

Was she being 'difficult' so you would not think she was easy?

Think she was testing you by making sexual innuendo and then you jumping to it the next minute. Would you have flown in if she'd said 'I want to be taken for dinner, right now'.

I didn't really see it that way because I honestly thought SHE THOUGHT MORE OF ME than that. To play games to feel me out.

Honestly yes, I would have flown out there to take her to dinner. The fact that she wanted to see me, and she said it is what made me take action. That she was willing to let her guard down and just go with it, that she trusted me.

But the thing that confuses me is she started everything that was on a sexual note. From the first time we talked about it in context to us, to the phone sex she started, I mean she was really foreward when it came to that and I kind of went with the flow.

"Think she was testing you by making sexual innuendo and then you jumping to it the next minute."

The thing is if you do this, then you create your own truth. For example when we were lying in bed the first night, cuddling, she just turned around and mounted me and we started the hot and heavy. Then right before it came to sex, she said we shouldn't get to far ahead of ourselves and take it easy. I went with it, I agreed with her. But she turned around and tried to make a point that becuase I would have had sex if it went that far, all guys just want one thing. I took offense to that. Of course a guy has sex on his mind when you have your legs wrapped around him and your hand in his pants. It is like she was justifying her own insecurities about men.

Maybe I am looking at it completely the wrong way. I dunno, it would be nice if I am.

If there is one thing I did realize about myself though. I do confuse no expectations with no regrets.

It doesn't really apply here because she put out a lot of expectation in that area. But I realized it none the less.

hmm

I think, and from knowing myself, she was looking for something from YOU when pulling back, if you like.

A communication about how you feel about her, or a confirmation...

Especially if there is a lot of baggage...

I sensed this too, and I did do this but I think what I was trying to confirm was lost in translation because she tends to point out my charm as a defense mechanism. There were several times during the weekend, and before that she would say something like "Stop trying to charm me." I had to explain to her that I wasn't fabricating the way I talk to get to her, that it is simply how I talk. Towards the end she seemed to be more comfortable with this but up to that point it was hard being sincere without her reacting this way. The thing about being a charming sign isn't that we are trying to get something, that we are trying to charm, it is just us and it is natural. If I tried to form my words to that they didn't come accross this way it would be less ginuine in my mind.

There is a lot of baggage. I knew there was some going into it, and my take on it was who doesn't have a little these days especially libras 😉 but it is pretty extreme. Everything evil that could happen to a little girl and a young woman happened to her, and she has survived it because she took matters into her own hands. She is really strong, but it comes at a price, the walls are many.

At the point things turned, it seems like she had some sort of self realization rather than one regarding me. We were lying on the beach on the day after I arrived. She started talking about how if she slept with me she would only hurt me, that she would do it because she is attracted to me and cares about me she wants me to be happy but would likely later regret it and push me away. I looked at her all confused and asked her "Why the hell would you do that for someone else." I told her I was here to enjoy my days off with someone I cared about, and that this doesn't bother me it is the back and forth that has my head spinning. This is what makes me think that the baggage is a determining factor in all of this. I of course didn't know this at this point yet, it wasn't until that night when we were sitting in her car just talking that I found out about a lot of stuff from her past.

The whole day had me confused. I have another friend, my best friend since like second grade who lives a couple of hours away who I called as the next day she had to work the whole day. I asked him if he could come visit me for the day, she said things like "now that your not getting any you want to hang out with your guy friends?" She was "joking" but I could tell there was emotion in it. I don't respond well to this kind of thing, I don't like anything with accusatory undertones. It's like there is no such thing as a good guy to her. I feel so bad for her if she really feels this way but crap, I don't want to be the guy that "never mesures up" if anyone is ya know?

I dunno man. Hero complex alert.

Good thing I am working tonight or I would be half way through a bottle of Segrams and the source of endless entertainment for you all.

"part of me" and the "other part of me" is way common when its libra vs libra. Go ahead nic... things will get smooth soon.. though the confusion will stay for a while. 😉

thelibran,
You know where I'm comming from. It's not that we actually want to be bad people it's that we actually realize the duality of human emotion.

I realized on that trip how different Libra guys and girls really are. From the little things to the big things we have a lot of differences, still we are very similar. I think part of the reason it had my head spinning is that it was like watching myself several years ago. When I was struggling with the same demons she is now. I just wanted to hit fast foreward and show her how everything gets better inside if you let it.

she cannot change... nor wont be allow u to change her... it takes time... but u can start making her reflect u... tats the easy method as i hv observed with a libra chick.

Nico

Your girl has trust issues and probably rightfully so. Here's this guy that comes flying in, probably handsome, only has eyes for her. Possibly opposite to what she had before? Too good to be true, in her eyes...

If you want her you've got to reinforce and reinforce. AND BE NICE!

I also create issues where none exist to make a point. To keep you talking. It's that or saying I am in love with you, cause there is nothing else I want to talk about. Physically, the mind goes blank. Complicated to understand probably, but very true.

We are not 'chics', Libran! Grrr...

We are wonderful creatures...

"Your girl has trust issues and probably rightfully so. Here's this guy that comes flying in, probably handsome, only has eyes for her. Possibly opposite to what she had before? Too good to be true, in her eyes..."

I didn't really think of it that way. She called me when I was waiting to board the plane at Sky Harbor on my way to her and she asked me to tell her "Everything will be ok."

It is like she is two different people, she can be really insecure and need affection and strength then turn around and be an ice queen. I think when things were getting really hot in the bed room I saw something in her that she doesn't really let the world, or anyone see. For just a few moments she let go, and gave in to the moment and I think it scared her. We both have issues with that, it just so happens one of the only times I feel completely free of myself and natural is during sex...she knows I know she has never experienced that, so she might have thought there was motive on my end. Then when we settle down to go to sleep, she pulls me in so close I am pretty much completely enveloping her. I think a sense of safety is really important to her.

You cannot feel safe without surrendering. She sounds really sweet.

And regarding the two different people: I think that there are some areas in which we are confident and then some in which we are not. As a Libra you can probably recognise the insecure/vulnerable side. Or maybe she allowed herself to show you.

Physical desire also takes over sometimes and makes us bolder. You know, where you think 'I want it now and to hell with what you think...I'll live.'

Part of me really likes her. The other part of me has already set up two dates this week with really pretty girls.

If I were here and found this out, I would be pissed.

She wants to know that she is special to you. She feels vulnerable in this.

** she asked me to tell her "Everything will be ok."

She wants to know that she is special to you and that everything will be okay. When I feel at my worse, I need someone to tell me everything will be okay. I get where she is coming from.

** she can be really insecure and need affection and strength then turn around and be an ice queen.

It is because she is at a bad point in her life. She wants to go forward but doesn't know if that is the best thing so she swings from side to side.

** I think a sense of safety is really important to her.

Well duh? lol! Yes. That is what is holding her back. She doesn't feel safe. She feels vulnerable. She doesn't know what is going to happen. She feels really up in the air about everything.

To be honest, it sounds like she is an emotional disaster at the moment. I don't think she is emotionally ready for a relationship. She just isn't in a good place.

When you say that part of her is insecure and the other part of her is an ice queen, I actually see these two sides as the same. Having worked through a lot of my insecurities in my current relationship, the ice queen act is an act of protection when I feel vulnerable. If I have no emotions for you, I cannot get hurt. It's silly, actually, but that's what it is.

If you really like her, you will have to have a lot of patience and trust that she will work through her insecurities by way of being with you. If I hadn't met my Libra, I'd still be the same insecure girl I was a year ago. I didn't even realize I was insecure until I met him. When you meet someone that you REALLY REALLY care about, all that stuff is forced to the surface in a very intense way. So, in a way, it can be a good sign that she's insecure. The question is, can you be patient enough to deal with it?

The other thing is that you may want to actually just talk about it (in your Libra, round about way). I found that once my Libra brought it up with me, and then told me on top of it how much he cared about me, but this issue was getting in the way, I got on the fast track to getting over it.

Just my musings....

Nic, like the typical Libra. You just want everyone to feel better and see the positive in life. Which is so damn commendable. However, it seems she has dealt with alot, and your past haunts your future if you don't know how to leave it in your past (most people don't - I just recently learned how to do this and it has helped me so much). If things were as bad as they sound for her then it will take a long time for her to trust any man no matter how much she cares for you. It seems a part of here (where males are concerned) is really dim. If you really care for her, you must be patient and try to help her realize all men are not deamons and who could do that better than a Libra male?

"If you really like her, you will have to have a lot of patience and trust that she will work through her insecurities by way of being with you."

I do but I don't know if I like the odds. It is hard enough for me to open up to people when things are going smoothly let alone when I know it is going to be one sided until she gets a lot more comfortable.

"If things were as bad as they sound for her then it will take a long time for her to trust any man no matter how much she cares for you."

To an extent this is every girl in my generation and it gets a little wearing. Were a generation of women betrayed by their fathers looking for jerks and a generation of men raised by their mothers just looking for a good girl.

So it sounds like she does have an interrest in me but she just needs someone to be gentle, show her that I can be trusted with her emotions and just take it slow with her? I don't really have a problem with this, I do like her but, I haven't heard from her since she dropped me off at the airport. I am pretty sure her family is gone, she is still probably pretty busy catching up on everything after me and her family visiting, but a phone call or a replied email would be nice.

Ugghhhh, you are dealing with a fellow libran, remember the patients we go through for you guys—? It is tough. Don't like it so much huh?? LOL!!!

Amen. QS..

Nic.. this whole scenario sounds a bit scary to me as me and my libra are in almost the exact same boat except the roles are changed and I am you and she is my libra.. I think he is going to do the same thing when he comes here next week. Start feeling strange when we start getting close. He has already admitted to pulling back when he feels he is getting too close to a girl and he said the feeling is tripled with me bc he is so nervous bc we have know eachother so long. WHAT? It seems like he would be more secure with me as we HAVE known eachother so long.. just like you and your girl.. I must know how this one plays out. Have you heard from her lately? What would you have done differently if you could? One of my issues with this now is, we talk about the event so much that the anticipation is overwhelming. I know neither he nor I will be able to live up to what we are anticipating the experience to be. Then there will be a great let down and I think things will get crazy like they are with you and your girl. Hind sight advice.. please.

Aquabrat, Maybe the two of you need to lighten up the expectations a little bit. You could start it from your end by just lightening up and joking a little bit about things. Just be lightly flirty with it. If you shift your energy personally - it will naturally shift between the two of you. Take it like seeing an old friend (which he is)!

QS,

Yeah I know. Though I realized that aspect about myself a while ago and I am pretty concious about not keeping people waiting for two long, most of us probably don't do the same though. I make an effort to change the weeknesses of my sign.

Aqua,
Totally, use my experience as a case study for you. Not so much the result, whatever it ends up being but the process and use it to your advantage. I am not sure about the lightening of the expectaions idea. I don't think he has a problem with expectations so much, I think for him it might be more similar to me than the girl I went to see. He is likely more afraid that the expectations will change completely and you will act like my Libra is. He is more a afraid I would think of you being a tease, talking to him the way you are and then not providing when he shows up. We don't do well with insecurity when it comes to the lustful stuff, we take it personally when a girl is insecure when it comes to sex so this is likely the reason for his aprehension as much as anything else.

What would I have done differently? Nothing. If I wen't back and changed anything it would in effect be changing me, not being completely myself and acting essentially. I was myself on the trip, I owe it to her and myself to be myself, in the end, if it doesn't work out for that reason than it is the best reason for it to not work out. I haven't heard from her since I got back last friday. She is probably trying to digest it just like I am. I wish she would call just so I could tell her everything is fine, that I enjoyed the trip regardless, so we could get back to being friends. But, we'll see.

"we talk about the event so much that the anticipation is overwhelming."

Well, when he says that he is really trying to feel out if it is overwhelming for you, if you can handle it. Libra guys can have sex with a friend and go back to being just friends if need be. Most people can't. The situation is a little different for you because the feelings are a lot more intense than in most cases but my take on it is that he is trying to prod you a little because his biggest fear is you pulling back at the last minute. And your not building it up more than it's potential. Believe me, if you stick to your guns and let yourself go so he can see the real you in the moment, it will be amazing.

..k.. Nic.. the reason I said he is like the girl bc he has a lot of sexual hangups which he has been sharing with me lately.. and in turn is saying " well we can talk, but I know I won't do anything".. that was Monday night, Wednesday night we were discussing the event again, and I SAID "well it doesn't really matter, bc per your own admission, we are just talking, nothing will happen". He said "oh, yeah, I was hoping you forgot I said that". But tomorrow he will go back to saying the same thing again.

I am scared that his expectations of me are very high. He said last night, "look at you and I thought you were all virginal" (just bc I said if he washed my hair that would be erotic).. I said, "well everyone has another side to them". But that pissed me off. He keeps making comments like this and that is making me uncomfortable, like I should go back to the way he used to think about me. I am thinking he is losing respect for me. So now, I want to pull back and not do anything, but I am not a woman who does not put her money where her mouth is.. if I say I am going to do something I do. Period.

Not sure what to do...

I think he is going back and forth and and analyzing your responses for both. No Libra male considers himself one of the guys as far as how we are in sexual situaitons. We are a lot more sensitive and erotic, we tend to make love even if it is a casual thing, so I think he is feeling you out with all of this going back and forth. A lot of women talk about being all this and all that in bed but more than anything we are just looking for a girl to submerse herself in the moment, stop thinking and just feel. He might be trying to prod around and see if you are capable of that, he doesn't want it to be just a romp in the sheets because it never is just that for us, weather we show you or not. We are also really skeptical of what a girl says versus what she does. We are probably the most sensitive to being teased because we take it as rejection.

"So now, I want to pull back and not do anything, but I am not a woman who does not put her money where her mouth is.. if I say I am going to do something I do. Period. "

I think this is what he is trying to figure out in all of this.

Don't let it get to you. We are the guys you have to tell "shut up and kiss me" sometimes.

Nic... that makes sense. I really have not said anything though.. that is what is strange to me. Well I have not "jive" talked him. Just like the "hair" comment and stuff. When he askes me how I feel about this or that, I answer him and I ask him questions about likes or dislikes etc and he answers. He does more of the "telling what he will do", than I do. I guess we will both see..

"We are a lot more sensitive and erotic, we tend to make love even if it is a casual thing"

This is so true. I asked him if he prefers to make love or just have sex.. he said "I don't know the difference".

Nic.."shut up and kiss me"

I will need this line I am sure. He said he has already planned our first kiss, how he is going to do it, where etc etc.. which is scary to me as I hate suprises.. I am likely not to respond appropriately if caught off guard. He probably won't do it anyway.. and I will stress about when it will happen the whole day, and at the end of the night, I will be the one making the move.. watch!

"He said he has already planned our first kiss, how he is going to do it, where etc etc.. "

Yeah this is a bad idea. NOTHING goes as planned with a Libra or Aquarius, let alone the two of them together. I think he was just trying to say that he has put thought into kissing you. You might have to make the first move. We ignore the first couple of hints, either because we want to be sure or we want to make you sit there and steam, so it will be better when you do. I can be a bit more foreward, but I doubt he is...it is something that I have had to work on a bit.

I noticewd they have this thing about asking you what and how you feel about certain ythings...even things about themselves...

Is as if they are insecure, but yet being shy and polite...

Aqua, I think the best thing you can do is to TRY TRY TRY to relax about it. The more expectation that goes into it from your end, the more nervous you are going to be. Try to step back and take a playful approach, a curious approach like, "hmmmm...wonder what's going to happen..." Let the anticipation be fun, if you can!

Aqua, just let it flow. You will be amazed at the things he will bring out in you, even with a kiss and the foreplay. He will relax you for sure first.