My Libra girl pulled away on me. I need help!

Can anyone offer some insight into my dilemma?

I'm an Aquarius guy who's been talking to a libra female for last 2 years on and off. We live in different states and she is 12 years younger. She loved me like no other, but we have only seen each other 3 times in 2 years, but always talked. We had plans to meet a lot but something always came up. We really started to get close in late spring and over the summer we really bonded and saw each other again. Exchanged all the I love you's and very strong feelings.

we talked about being together finally and everything was going great. We had plans to see each other multiple weekends and i was even considering moving to her. But then she just pulled away on me. told me she can't take this seriously b/c she doesnt have the time. I think her new job has stressed and overhwhelmed her and she is not in balance. I know her.

Long story short, I tried to be there for her, giving her positive encouragement and being a loyal friend. I tried to give her space but i would get ignored, until finally she said she doesnt feel the same and to stop texting her. I was shattered and still am. This happened a week ago.

I don't know what to do. Do you think it's really over? Can she just be so overwhelmed that she's not thinking clearly and is pushing me away b/c her back is against the wall? I love her so much and I know I've done nothing wrong, except try too hard to be there for her.

She is born Sept 24. Any thoughts? Did i screw it up? Is she playing with me b/c I got too comfortable? But I really didnt. I would give her lots of attention. Maybe there's someone else?

Damn... Sorry Darling, but if a Libra finally got to the point where they tell you to stop texting them, it's pretty bad. At least, that's my opinion, because it's really hard for me to hurt people's feelings. Even when I want to break up with somebody, it's hard for me to say it to them directly because I know it's going to hurt. In fact, I've stayed in messed up relationships longer than I should have because I was trying to figure out the best way to let them down easy...

Can anyone offer some insight into my dilemma?

I'm an Aquarius guy who's been talking to a libra female for last 2 years on and off. We live in different states and she is 12 years younger. She loved me like no other, but we have only seen each other 3 times in 2 years, but always talked. We had plans to meet a lot but something always came up. We really started to get close in late spring and over the summer we really bonded and saw each other again. Exchanged all the I love you's and very strong feelings.

we talked about being together finally and everything was going great. We had plans to see each other multiple weekends and i was even considering moving to her. But then she just pulled away on me. told me she can't take this seriously b/c she doesnt have the time. I think her new job has stressed and overhwhelmed her and she is not in balance. I know her.

Long story short, I tried to be there for her, giving her positive encouragement and being a loyal friend. I tried to give her space but i would get ignored, until finally she said she doesnt feel the same and to stop texting her. I was shattered and still am. This happened a week ago.

I don't know what to do. Do you think it's really over? Can she just be so overwhelmed that she's not thinking clearly and is pushing me away b/c her back is against the wall? I love her so much and I know I've done nothing wrong, except try too hard to be there for her.

She is born Sept 24. Any thoughts? Did i screw it up? Is she playing with me b/c I got too comfortable? But I really didnt. I would give her lots of attention. Maybe there's someone else?

Yea, i figured that much...I didn't respond to her text. I don't know if I should or just disappear. It's really hard b/c it was going so great then she just pulled away and became cold. I thought of maybe emailing her a message just to tell her i only wanted to help her and that I won't contact her anymore as per her text...I'm really lost.

Do you want a sugar coated answer or the DUN DUN DUN HARSH AND BRUTAL TRUTH.

(truths are subject to change)

Though I can find a few factors:
1. 12 years younger
2. Only met 3 times
3. The long distance

Cheer up bud, you acknowledge the fact you've done nothing wrong. I guess a choice here would be either to completely stress yourself out until you cbf feeling anything for her anymore or move on and feel good about yourself that you had this experience or just confront her (good luck with that).

For all I know you might've been her 'comfort' for the last 2 years, someone to be sweet with but never had to commit to. Hard pill to swallow.

lol Thanks I know I've been going crazy about it.

And you're right, I don't know what else has been going on, from her end. I just wonder if she ever really meant the things she said, so much love was offered then just snatched back lol That's why I;m going crazy.

Please, please take her request seriously, and stop contacting her.

I was in a somewhat similar situation, as a Libra girl myself.

A guy relentlessly pursued me, and I tried to be nice for way too long, because I didn't want to reject him in a mean way. I was hoping we could have just been friends.

But nope, he didn't get the hint. He just got more and more obsessive, and finally I lost it and told him to never contact me again.

By the time I had gotten to that point, I no longer wanted to be friends with him. He was dead to me.

But then he continued pestering me, and getting really angry and tracked down my information.

I never replied to him. Instead, I went to the police, and requested that they warn him to stop. The police told me about how I could have him jailed, or have a restraining order imposed on him, but I wanted to give him the one last chance to do the right thing and leave me alone for good.

At that point, not only did I not see him as a friend anymore, I was starting to see him as a mentally ill stalker/crimimal. The very slight glimmer of memory of our past friendship was why I requested that the police only give him a warning.

Now, if he does anything again, I will see him only as a mentally sick stalker, who needs the full force of the law brought down on him for the good of public safety. I don't want it to come to that. I'd much rather he simply leave me be, and move on with his own life. But if he doesn't, then my self-preservation comes first, and I'll do everything I need to in order to protect it, even if it means using my gun.

Point is, quit while you're ahead.

But his situation sounds different to me. Yours sounds like he was an irritant, whereas the op says they were in constant contact and said the important "love stuff". I dont really have any advice, other than try to respect her wishes. I wouldnt bother with the email to explain yourself..just leave the door open and continue with your own life. You might find she seeks you out again soon.

Posted by Sola
But his situation sounds different to me. Yours sounds like he was an irritant, whereas the op says they were in constant contact and said the important "love stuff". I dont really have any advice, other than try to respect her wishes. I wouldnt bother with the email to explain yourself..just leave the door open and continue with your own life. You might find she seeks you out again soon.

No, I actually did treasure him as a friend for two years. We only saw each other 3 times as well (the OP's situation is eerily similar btw), because of geographical distance.

I think his intent and my intent was different all along. I naively thought that men and women COULD be just friends, and I am very loving (platonically) to all of my closest friends. That's just how I am. I admired his mind and his honesty in expressing his feelings, and didn't want to penalize him for that. I hate how society penalizes self-expression, so I vowed to not do that to others.

Problem is, he mistook my listening ear and care for him as romantic interest, when it wasn't.

So now he thinks that I'm a horrible person, a sociopath/liar, etc. But that's not true. It was a case of me being naive and not setting boundaries until he was too far invested in his romantic interest in me.

Anyway I don't want to hijack this thread, but just mentioning the similarities in the situation with the OP, and who knows, maybe he can relate/learn something from it.

We were mainly email pen pals btw.

Yeah, its good to help others!!

Nooo..I'm not stalking her loll I just don't know where her change of feelings came from. That's what kills me the most. Sola, thanks so much. I actually just sent her a message saying there are no hard feelings but i am deleting her number. I just had to do it, it was for me. I've been dying here for the last month of drama...Maybe I should have held back, but ive been hurting so much b/c I love her to death. but now I can't contact her again and i won't. Did i totally close the door on her?

No you didn`t. And you know its so important not to "lose" yourself, you have to consider yourself and how YOU feel. You love her, its obvious. She is control, so just be good to yourself and wait (the hardest thing in the world I know)! I hope she contacts you with a nice message for Christmas..stay strong!

yea christmas would be great, but i cant get my hopes up...i still have her # in my phone tho lol but im not using it..thanks so much for listening!!!

I hope so but then again, do I really want a girl who can do just turn like that? I asked her to officially be my girlfriend and she said yes, and I even told her I don't need that much from her, just to be able to talk and I would be happy. But she didnt follow through lol So Maybe she was just not into me and to shy/scared to say it. But why bother with someone and go through all of this if you really weren't interested.

Hi aqualicious, let me speak from the libran point of view. Although i would love to speak positive of my own, in this case i would rather not. She doesnt seem to know what she wants. Shes definitely not shy if she could tell you not to contact her. Leave her alone, she doesnt know what shes missing. No one who does a 360 degree turn is ever worth any effort. Enjoy your life and think - do you really want her back after she pushed you away. Sorry, but shes not worth your while!

I agree with you Starry. I know she doesnt know what she wants. To her credit, she told me indirectly not to wait for her, but when I tried to understand why and still held on to hope, that's when she started to get irritated and more standoffish. I should have backed off then, but what could I do. I was/am in love. You want to fight for that love if you really believe in it. It just sucks b/c for about 6 months straight it was all we talked about and then it just came out of nowhere. I guess it's better to have happened now than later.

But to add to that, even after she told me she doesnt have time, she still said she loved me and wanted to see me. so that threw me off. I wish I found this site a month ago. You guys are very supportive and awesome!

Irrespective of how busy we libras are, and ignore you we rarely do it on purpose. We empathize with others. Its not like you twisted her arm to get her to say that she loved you. Let her sort out her own issues. All the best to you.

In the end, after we saw each other end of summer, I pushed her to see her again. I missed her dearly. There was always something, but I was always told I'm welcomed to visit. If she wanted to see me, I wouldn't be on here lol I just don't know why/how it changed so suddenly. I think she's overstressed and has lost herself b/c she's doing too much, so the only thing she can control is her interaction with people, especially ones that are chasing her. It's just so hard not being part of her day now. it breaks me.

Or maybe she just humored me and was playing games...I may never know for sure

I found this beautiful post from Libra08 https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/the-truth-about-libra-and-its-running-away-3023810/
she explains everything perfectly. I understand why my libra pulled away. Can I tell her this? Can I reach out and say there will be no heartbreak? that I know why disappeared to recover. That she's scared of me b/c a chance with me also means a chance of heartbreak?

I know I need to stay strong but I just feel like I need to tell her it's ok, that I know why she pulled away.

I just wrote this, part of my own therapy. I feel like I shut the door on her. What do u guys think of this as an email to her?


--------
It's been tough trying to make sense of everything. But I think I get it now.

A chance to be with me also means a chance for heartbreak. It's why you pulled away. It was the best way for you to avoid any potential heartbreak.

I thought seeing you would make your plate lighter. I just wanted to be your hero. I know I pushed when u needed time. I just care so much.

But I'm keeping space so you can deal with your plate, all alone, the way you know best. I just wanted to tell you it's ok. I understand you needed to go away, to bring back all you lost, to get back your energy.

I know you're tired and your spirit needs care. I wanted to help but you can only recover on your own. I see it now.

I'm not mad at you. I could never be. I just learned so much about you, and myself. And I know, it's scary. That word "chance" can be so wonderful, and also so devastating.

I am here if you do need anything. I always will be, even if you need to go away to recover.

-T

Awww that's a very sweet email... It sounds like you're giving her space and leaving the door open in case she thinks of coming back to you 😉 ggod job, now comes the hard part, waiting lol

So update:

She emailed me yesterday! She resurfaced. We had some light chat only but it's a good sign no?

If she initiated that, yes a good sign, but don't be over enthusiastic and scare her away lol if she's really stressed out, make her conversations with u the only time she has peace. Eventually, I think she would turn to u more often, just a suggestion 😉

Yes she initiated. I didn't send that email.

Yea I will play it cool. Thanks!

Posted by Aqualicous
Yes she initiated. I didn't send that email.

Yea I will play it cool. Thanks!

No problem Sweetheart 🙂 my bf is an Aqua and I'm a Libra, I feel that it's a match made in heaven lol good luck

Agree with lust - Assumptions are never acceptable for Librans. You need to figure out a Libran from their actions. They will contact you if they like you but dont try to give them too much attitude as they will kick you to the curb. One more thing about Librans - dont worry when we fight with you; worry when we stop because thats when we believe theres nothing worth fighting for. If she gives up - shes tried and you just dont deserve the multiple chances shes given you. Watch her moves.

Ok so should I text her and just say hi? Or wait? But I didn't do anything bad lol.

Thats precisely why i told you in the beginning - its not you its her. Now let her come to you at her pace. Live your life and let her decide what she wants. She cannot have the upper hand in this relationship, if she wants to play a game - let her play all alone. Be strong. Maybe she was upset about something you did or said - a Libran will invariably tell you the truth as to how you hurt them. If she doesnt then realize that you havent done anything wrong. Compromise! One day her, the other day you. Build your relationship back to what it used to be slowly. Be understanding and mirror her. Librans love that!

Ok thanks starry. You're right. So right. It's just hard being strong lol we left off on email with me asking a question so I'll wait for her to respond and come back at her pace, she will. I got this lol

Yea I'm keeping fit for sure.

Do you think when we talk I should ask if she's had any dates? Or tell her I had a date to see her reaction?

I'd really like to see her this month but I guess I gotta follow your advice and just wait for her to come at her pace. Ugh so silly this girl lol but she's worth the torture.

No no aqua - dont ask her about dates until and unless you are deep in a laidback conversation - fooling around. If by chance she senses a serious tone, you would have put yourself several steps behind. But i somehow sense you have this completely under control. Aquas come across a bit boring to us initially, but trust me we like the dependability. Be yourself and take things in stride.

Yea. I'm keeping busy (trying to) by going to museums and gym here in NYC. I don't think I was boring with her tho. But maybe I got boring bc I became too nice. But I always make her laugh so will just wait and see how this week plays out.

Is my photo showing?

Oh for fuck's sake, calm the hell down, dude. Reading your posts made ME want to run.

I understand where you're coming from but try to get some control over yourself and simmer down.

Lolll I know trust me. I've lost myself. But I'm better now. I'm in control, of myself anyway. Too funny

Ive done similar before. Libras for the most part...Libra women...if they dont see a pleasant future with you that aligns with their goals they will leave. We fall in love like everyone else but when reality hits and we're like "omg this is really my life I'm bringing him in forever...do I really want that?" Then we leave. We have to feel like you're the one on every level or we wont get serious.

I hear you. I think she went cold bc her schedule became too busy and she lost faith something real could happen between us. But she did reach out again yesterday and we exchanged some light yet playful chat. I haven't heard from her today though but just taking it in stride.

So we've been talking more via email making jokes on each other and giving updates on our days etc but she's still being a little "tight". I suggested to catch up on phone over weekend with an accompanying joke and she replied with a "lol myb". I felt to just open that line up. I'm keeping busy with my stuff and letting her know bout it too so not pushing at all. I'll see if we talk over the wknd. Thnx again for the support. I still have to show a little chase but from a distance, like a spider weaving her web gently for you to step in it lol

One more thing. Just like all of you have said, when she gets busy and is indecisive I need to just do my thing and not stress. Is there any value in me telling her this? That I finally get it when she gets busy I need to get busy myself so I can give her space but still talk and keep each other in the loop etc? That's understanding and mirroring no?

No - you dont need to tell her anything. She will know by your actions 🙂

Thanks. I'm just not sure what her motives are. Is she testing me Or just having fun/teasing with me, it's Very confusing indeed.

Shes trying to move back to the original comfort level at her pace. Let her make all the moves now. Just keep mirroring.

Ok I will follow suit. Yea the next time she talks I'll tell her also how busy I've gotten etc. I may go away for a few days nxt week. Should I tell her to get thinking?

Posted by Aqualicous
Ok I will follow suit. Yea the next time she talks I'll tell her also how busy I've gotten etc. I may go away for a few days nxt week. Should I tell her to get thinking?

How about being yourself and stop playing games? It's so crazy it just might work!

Very true. Lol I'm just trying to be balanced.

Yea I hear you. I was starting to come to that reality. It's very sad though. I will just try to move on and keep going forward. Thank you for all your support though

Sorry to hear that Aqualicous, would be an awesome match if you end up together. As a libra one thing i know, we know if the person is the one. So if the person is not we just go along tell you how we feel at that moment but do not expect it will be the same in due time. Once we have the one..then we can give all for a relationship toh work out.. we will move if we need to.. we will be a better person when we have the person we know we want to be with the rest of our lives. We are a great partner only to the one.

So i believe.. she did appreciate you, treasured your friendship or more than that during the time she felt it. Do not even think you did something wrong because as Libra we keep the things that hurt or annoy us until the right moment to tell the person you did something wrong because we need peace in our hearts and mind too. Now it is time to move on. I know it is not easy to let go specially if you believe you really love the person. I hope you will find the right woman one day! 🙂 Cheer up!