Need some insight

Took me awhile to decide to ask for some advice,but I'm just lost. More disappointed than anything cause I just can't believe this is what I ended up with.I'm married to a Libra who I really want to love, but it just always feels so off to me ( probably to the both of us). I don't have the courage to walk cause when I got married and had children, I was serious about it. I come from a broken home and wanted to give my children a different upbringing.I don't know why my Libra's not leaving cause from the way he acts I don't think he likes me very much. Right now, I am completely zoned out. To start, my Libra who I once thought was a nice person is actually extremely unpleasant to live with.He just seems to yearn for arguments. For instance, I can be minding my own business and he will come out of nowhere and make an inflammatory remark. This will go on all day if I spend any time around him. In which case while he's taking underhanded shots, I'm nodding or looking at my phone.I used to really light into him when he would do it,but after so much of this I'm just tired of it. Now, I just never say anything at all. We both work from home and I pretty much spend all week and weekend staying far away to avoid any sort of argument because I feel he's always posturing for one so I decrease these by decreasing availability. He is also very critical of me and feels like he is always trying to change me.I'm lowkey and very responsible. I have a hard time understanding his need to control everything going on with me when his life is so displaced it's dragging us down. I spend all my time with our kids now because I feel they are all I have anymore.I guess, I'm wondering what all this means. Deep down I know I should walk, but I don't know if I can handle the pain and disappointment. I've given up everything for this relationship and feel completely screwed. I don't know how to deal with this. All I know is I want to fix this or figure out what is causing this. Lately, anger and resentment has caused me to be very calloused and thusfar we have had two long sessions of nothing,but silence between us. He would start it as a way to punish me and rather than cave like I used to, it has turned into a standoff.It's an awful dark cloud over our home as I won't bend or react and he just keeps getting more upset. I'm just trying to figure out wtf could be wrong here.

Posted by the_sunflower
if you can, maybe go to couple therapy sessions and spark some romance into your lives..even if you're living the married life, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the things that made you love each other

like going on dates and cuddling

I agree with sunflower. Despite your signs incompatibilities, you can make your relationship works if you both agree to compromise and fix the mess together. And in my case, couple therapy does help figuring out the actual problems and ways to deal with them. I suggests you the same, if you want to save the marriage and the quality in it.

When was the last time you fucked your husband? He sounds sexually frustrated

Sometimes when I'm too comfortable in a relationship or friendship I can start taking my anger out on them. They could be sitting there and the way they scroll on their phone or the look on their face could annoy me and I won't have any restraint.

Not healthy but it happens sometimes particularly if I'm with someone for too long. If I went on vacation with someone or spent too much time with them then I'll get nitpicky and annoyed thus leading to blow outs.

"You need a professional help", said the virgos.

Posted by libralotus
Sometimes when I'm too comfortable in a relationship or friendship I can start taking my anger out on them. They could be sitting there and the way they scroll on their phone or the look on their face could annoy me and I won't have any restraint.

Not healthy but it happens sometimes particularly if I'm with someone for too long. If I went on vacation with someone or spent too much time with them then I'll get nitpicky and annoyed thus leading to blow outs.

Interesting; it's a cry from the inside for space? Wow amazing.

OP we like compliments a lot. You can woo a Libra with flattery.

Communication is key .. sit down & speak to your husband face to face .. be as calm as u can but be truthful with one another

Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

Posted by LadyNeptune
When was the last time you fucked your husband? He sounds sexually frustrated

Does bjs count? I give these or handjobs often cause I'm just not wanting intercourse. No interest anymore.

Posted by Nope

Posted by LadyNeptune
When was the last time you fucked your husband? He sounds sexually frustrated

Does bjs count? I give these or handjobs often cause I'm just not wanting intercourse. No interest anymore.

click to expand

No, it doesn't. You two have reached the point where either you are going to get professional help, or one of you will have an affair. It unfortunate that you are experiencing this, I know how hard it is for a Scorpio to reach out. I hope you find the help you need. You two need professional guidance to help you back towards each other.

@Nope have you met @No?

Posted by Nope
Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

Talk to him and let him know that you don't appreciate how he's been treating. Let him know that unless he starts treating you with respect, you're gone. It seems like he is either picking fights so that you'll end it OR there is something else going on here. You said he was the one who wanted the two of you to be around each other 24/7. He sounds a bit paranoid. Was there ever an issue of infidelity between you? If so, that's something to be addressed. If not, there may be something HE is not telling you. Do you know his romantic past? Was he faithful to the women in his life? Cheaters are usually the most afraid of someone cheating on them.

It's possible that infidelity isn't the issue. It's possible that because you came from a broken home you focused more on the idea of the perfect family and less on who you were actually marrying. How long were you together before you married? What was HIS family life like? It's unfortunate, but it's possible that the attributes you saw in him were not necessarily the best for creating a unified household. I have female friends (also Scorpios) who were in similar situations. They didn't really see an example of a healthy relationship growing up, so their idea of what a man should be was skewed. Some of them wound up in phyiscally abusive relationships as a result.

Talk to him, but understand that if he can't be loving to you, you need to leave. You deserve better. Voice your concerns, speak your truth, and hold to it. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who constantly berates you. In fact he's not being a man at all in this situation. Real men, confident men, don't start fights with their women. It's man's job in a relationship to take big issues and break them down. Your guy is doing the reverse.

If the issue is simply the fact that you're around each other all of the time, then agree to create space. Every person in a couple needs personal space. Definitely seek marriage counseling if you can, but otherwise you need to leave. This isn't healthy for you or your children. Look for a man who can be the backbone of your family instead of one who constantly creates drama.

Posted by Secret
@Nope have you met @No?

Lol, no. It was a quick username so I went with it.

Posted by libralotus
Sometimes when I'm too comfortable in a relationship or friendship I can start taking my anger out on them. They could be sitting there and the way they scroll on their phone or the look on their face could annoy me and I won't have any restraint.

Not healthy but it happens sometimes particularly if I'm with someone for too long. If I went on vacation with someone or spent too much time with them then I'll get nitpicky and annoyed thus leading to blow outs.

A Libra I dated exhibited this behavior. We took a long trip together, then saw each other the next weekend. She started getting irritable and argumentative, so I called her out. We wound up breaking up because she kept building up issues. Then after it was done, she'd reminisce about the fun we had. I thought it was the weirdest thing.

Posted by Goodtimes

Posted by NappTune

Posted by Nope
Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

Sound just like my Libra friend who was always under me like a puppy. She clinged on me hard I felt Iike I couldn't breathe so i snapped at her. She even got jealous when I talked to other people. She grew out of it and we're still friends.

Libra clinging to a Pisces I find that very hard to believe.. I don't find anything appealing about a Pisces woman, but hey to each his own.

click to expand

Editing, just got it.

Posted by Nope

Posted by Secret
@Nope have you met @No?

Lol, no. It was a quick username so I went with it.

click to expand

It was also a quick username for @No, I'll introduce her to you tomorrow.

Posted by Secret

Posted by Nope

Posted by Secret
@Nope have you met @No?

Lol, no. It was a quick username so I went with it.

It was also a quick username for @No, I'll introduce her to you tomorrow.

click to expand

Ok

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Nope
Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

Talk to him and let him know that you don't appreciate how he's been treating. Let him know that unless he starts treating you with respect, you're gone. It seems like he is either picking fights so that you'll end it OR there is something else going on here. You said he was the one who wanted the two of you to be around each other 24/7. He sounds a bit paranoid. Was there ever an issue of infidelity between you? If so, that's something to be addressed. If not, there may be something HE is not telling you. Do you know his romantic past? Was he faithful to the women in his life? Cheaters are usually the most afraid of someone cheating on them.

It's possible that infidelity isn't the issue. It's possible that because you came from a broken home you focused more on the idea of the perfect family and less on who you were actually marrying. How long were you together before you married? What was HIS family life like? It's unfortunate, but it's possible that the attributes you saw in him were not necessarily the best for creating a unified household. I have female friends (also Scorpios) who were in similar situations. They didn't really see an example of a healthy relationship growing up, so their idea of what a man should be was skewed. Some of them wound up in phyiscally abusive relationships as a result.

Talk to him, but understand that if he can't be loving to you, you need to leave. You deserve better. Voice your concerns, speak your truth, and hold to it. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who constantly berates you. In fact he's not being a man at all in this situation. Real men, confident men, don't start fights with their women. It's man's job in a relationship to take big issues and break them down. Your guy is doing the reverse.

If the issue is simply the fact that you're around each other all of the time, then agree to create space. Every person in a couple needs personal space. Definitely seek marriage counseling if you can, but otherwise you need to leave. This isn't healthy for you or your children. Look for a man who can be the backbone of your family instead of one who constantly creates drama.

click to expand

Thanks for your advice. I will try to find a way to discuss this with him. It's all about timing for him. He's really dismissive when I try to talk about our relationship so I learned to just not talk about it and try to find a way to resolve. He refuses to hear anything that he perceives to shed a negative light on him. Even when I've tried the "I feel" approach he is just not hearing it. He also would never consider therapy. So, I figured maybe other Libras or anyone with experience could tell me what I may be missing here. Maybe, I'm not getting his personality or something, I dunno. Anyway, thanks again. I do know now that I wasn't thorough in my pick for a spouse,but since I've been in this for 11 years I don't want to give up. He is the only relationship I've had since I was 18. I just don't want to fail at this that's all.

Posted by Nope

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Nope
Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

Talk to him and let him know that you don't appreciate how he's been treating. Let him know that unless he starts treating you with respect, you're gone. It seems like he is either picking fights so that you'll end it OR there is something else going on here. You said he was the one who wanted the two of you to be around each other 24/7. He sounds a bit paranoid. Was there ever an issue of infidelity between you? If so, that's something to be addressed. If not, there may be something HE is not telling you. Do you know his romantic past? Was he faithful to the women in his life? Cheaters are usually the most afraid of someone cheating on them.

It's possible that infidelity isn't the issue. It's possible that because you came from a broken home you focused more on the idea of the perfect family and less on who you were actually marrying. How long were you together before you married? What was HIS family life like? It's unfortunate, but it's possible that the attributes you saw in him were not necessarily the best for creating a unified household. I have female friends (also Scorpios) who were in similar situations. They didn't really see an example of a healthy relationship growing up, so their idea of what a man should be was skewed. Some of them wound up in phyiscally abusive relationships as a result.

Talk to him, but understand that if he can't be loving to you, you need to leave. You deserve better. Voice your concerns, speak your truth, and hold to it. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who constantly berates you. In fact he's not being a man at all in this situation. Real men, confident men, don't start fights with their women. It's man's job in a relationship to take big issues and break them down. Your guy is doing the reverse.

If the issue is simply the fact that you're around each other all of the time, then agree to create space. Every person in a couple needs personal space. Definitely seek marriage counseling if you can, but otherwise you need to leave. This isn't healthy for you or your children. Look for a man who can be the backbone of your family instead of one who constantly creates drama.

Thanks for your advice. I will try to find a way to discuss this with him. It's all about timing for him. He's really dismissive when I try to talk about our relationship so I learned to just not talk about it and try to find a way to resolve. He refuses to hear anything that he perceives to shed a negative light on him. Even when I've tried the "I feel" approach he is just not hearing it. He also would never consider therapy. So, I figured maybe other Libras or anyone with experience could tell me what I may be missing here. Maybe, I'm not getting his personality or something, I dunno. Anyway, thanks again. I do know now that I wasn't thorough in my pick for a spouse,but since I've been in this for 11 years I don't want to give up. He is the only relationship I've had since I was 18. I just don't want to fail at this that's all.

click to expand

From what you're saying the issues in this relationship are not your failures, but his. Sure you may have chosen the wrong person, but you still have the ability to change that. The only way you'd fail, is by letting this problem persist by staying in it. If he is not willing to listen, you can't make him. Sometimes people need to lose to truly understand what they've lost. Also sometimes you need to back away from a problem to truly see if it's worth solving.

Think of your relationship like a road that you're driving down. Now imagine that as of today you just realized the road was not taking you where you wanted to go for the last 11 years. You know that the road is taking you in the wrong direction. Would you keep driving down that road? Or would you get off and turn around and look for a better road?

You are choosing to stay in a bad marriage for WHATEVER REASON!

Stop looking at him and look at yourself. Your children are absorbing all of the toxicity from you and your husband REGARDLESS OF YOUR DEFENSE you choose to stay.

Everybody has noble reasons for staying in a marriage.

You CHOOSE TO STAY. Whatever the reasons -

Sometimes separation is necessary for you to get yourself together and perhaps go to therapy.

The fact that you would subject yourself and your kids to that marriage for WHATEVER REASON,

is indicative of a need for serious counseling.

Just because he won't go to counseling, doesn't mean you shouldn't go to counseling.

You are choosing to remain in a bad marriage subjecting your kids to the emotional undercurrent vibes, you refute all advice given to you so what do want?

Posted by Goodtimes
You are choosing to stay in a bad marriage for WHATEVER REASON!

Stop looking at him and look at yourself. Your children are absorbing all of the toxicity from you and your husband REGARDLESS OF YOUR DEFENSE you choose to stay.

Everybody has noble reasons for staying in a marriage.

You CHOOSE TO STAY. Whatever the reasons -

Sometimes separation is necessary for you to get yourself together and perhaps go to therapy.

The fact that you would subject yourself and your kids to that marriage for WHATEVER REASON,

is indicative of a need for serious counseling.

Just because he won't go to counseling, doesn't mean you shouldn't go to counseling.

You are choosing to remain in a bad marriage subjecting your kids to the emotional undercurrent vibes, you refute all advice given to you so what do want?

You are right. Thank you.

Posted by Nope
Thank you all for your responses. So a couple things:

I'm a Scorpio. Being with each other constantly is in fact what he wanted. Anytime, I'm about to go anywhere he gets upset. Says he can't function without me "we're a team". BS like that.Always been this way. Yet, he is is really mean when we are together. We have a lot of rooms in our home.If I go hang out in one of the guests rooms alone, he will come in there and ask me why am I in there. And say " so this is your new room now". I just scream inside cause I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He literally seeks me out no matter where I am at our home to do crap like this.I'm always like wtf, you've been being really nasty all day who in the world would want to be around you. I think this, I don't say it. I just tell him calmly, "I just felt like doing (insert whatever task here)" and he gets upset. He questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING I do all gd day. I feel like if it is a space issue, I'm trying to give him space. ALOT of it, for his and my sake cause I feel like I want to break his neck regularly but he isn't taking. So what gives? It all feels so gd stupid to me. I just want to scream wtf is wrong with you at the top of my lungs, but I get the feeling he wants that so I don't. Could it be that he just wants to breakup? If so, why won't he just say that, it's been awhile like this, some years.

As a libra I tend to know when people are lying to me and I get very upset at the one who is lying to me it doesn't matter how big or small the lie is. It also makes it harder to trust them and libra season already have a hard time trusting people in general. I have a brother as a Scorpio and we make a badass team. Not to say we don't disagree or argue but he is the only one I trust a lot in my family. Also, when I get frustrated and angry I want the other person to figure out what they did wrong. Now it's possible this is what it started out to be and grew to be a bigger problem and I would say try to get some outside help you trust for now. I hope this helped you at least a bit.🙂

Definitely counseling there seems to be some communication issues as Air signs like a Libra needs that.