Why do Libran women feel they have to test you?

I will never understand the cynical nature....

You try to help them, and they deduce you are doing it for personal gain...
You reach out to them, and they push you away or dangle you on their threads...

and when they don't get their way, they accuse you of using them at your convenience and claim you don't value them...

Unbelievable....

Hmm, I don't necessarily agree with all of the assessments here. But speaking for myself, I become wound-up and paranoid over simple things that if I don't address, I make wrong assumptions over. I have a conflicting nature of being too trusting and not being able to trust at all. So I either submit myself, no questions asked, or begin questioning EVERYTHING. I've learned to just bring up my concerns or otherwise I end up making false presumptions about what people's real intents are. Once they explain to me what's ACTUALLY happening, I feel supremely stupid for having assumed otherwise.

Anyhow, if we test you, it could be rooted in our paranoia and desire to protect ourselves, rather than our desire to be cynical or to hurt you.

I don't have a problem in being tested once or twice on the same thing... but if we've known each other for over 6 years... is it really necessary to test me, cut off all contact, re-establish contact rinse and repeat every 5 months.

Good grief....

That sounds quite torturous to be put through. But it also sounds like it's specific of one Libra girl, not all of us. 😉

Posted by LibraLove
That sounds quite torturous to be put through. But it also sounds like it's specific of one Libra girl, not all of us. 😉

It is quite bizarre and off putting.

My girlfriend's best friend is also a Libra. Who frequently has these cynical tirades about how under valued and under appreciated she is. She gives herself out on a limb at her own discretion then complains about not being appreciated for it.

caj, just because you feel tested doesn't mean libra is testing you.

I don't like people "helping" me bc it usually involves them hijacking it and doing it their way. If they do it my way, they feel like I'm contolling them and being bossy (we are bossy, but we like to avoid these situations, so a lot of people never actually see it. Males are less bossy and use charm more). In general, I'd much rather just do everything myself.

reaching out... Could be anything. But probably not the game you seem to see it as.

libras like being appreciated, and do tend to assume that if people like and appreciate us, they will give us our way. Usually because "our way" is something we view as very simple and enjoyable for everyone, not that it always really is. But our intentions aren't as selfish as they seem.

once young libra discovers that others don't have the same values and priorities in life, a lot of this bitching stops. We get more broody and keep our cynical comments in our heads. It doesn't ever go away tho.

Posted by Cajunspirit
I will never understand the cynical nature....

You try to help them, and they deduce you are doing it for personal gain...
You reach out to them, and they push you away or dangle you on their threads...

and when they don't get their way, they accuse you of using them at your convenience and claim you don't value them...

Unbelievable....

All i have to say is that it isn't a test, it's a defense mechanism...we aren't scorpio's.

I think most of the reason why i'm personally cynical to people helping me is after countless times I've been dissappointed or made the realization that people just don't think the way I do.

Also you have should probably check how you act or react with your girl and friends sometimes....Virgos are notorious for playing the guilt-trip game when it suits them..or being passive aggressive. We can catch onto that, quick.

You know I also think that this could be a "cardinal sign thing" because I'm sure Aries and Capricorns and Cancer's do this too in some form or fashion, again, it isn't a test.

Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle


All i have to say is that it isn't a test, it's a defense mechanism...we aren't scorpio's.

This was my suspicion.

I think most of the reason why i'm personally cynical to people helping me is after countless times I've been dissappointed or made the realization that people just don't think the way I do.

My Libra in Mercury causes me to think like this as well, it has been something I have been coming to terms with a long time and still gives me trouble.

Also you have should probably check how you act or react with your girl and friends sometimes....Virgos are notorious for playing the guilt-trip game when it suits them..or being passive aggressive. We can catch onto that, quick.

Very true, but I don't do this with the female in question.

Posted by Pecheresse

Sometimes we cut off all contact when we're going thru a rough time. (=it has nothing to do with you). Just stick to your stable self is what we respect the most really.

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Curious, do you ever stop to think how that would make the person feel?

I'm pretty sure, you would not take it well if it were done to you.
Reparations, apologies and sucking up would be needed when you're in the right mood after, to get back on good terms.

Posted by curious visitor
caj, just because you feel tested doesn't mean libra is testing you.

I can understand going through it once.... or twice.
But I've been through it more than that and I'm quite frankly fed up.

I don't like people "helping" me bc it usually involves them hijacking it and doing it their way. If they do it my way, they feel like I'm contolling them and being bossy (we are bossy,

Damn right you all are.

but we like to avoid these situations, so a lot of people never actually see it. Males are less bossy and use charm more). In general, I'd much rather just do everything myself.

That is fine and dandy, but it makes me wonder how ya'll deal with Pisces and Virgos. That attitude really upsets our "need to be needed" kind.

libras like being appreciated, and do tend to assume that if people like and appreciate us, they will give us our way. Usually because "our way" is something we view as very simple and enjoyable for everyone, not that it always really is. But our intentions aren't as selfish as they seem.

BINGO.

Again, makes me wonder how ya'll get along with "own way" Leos, who seem to be your best match in men honestly.

That assumption is very dangerous and I believe it leads to MOST Libran woman relationship problems.

once young libra discovers that others don't have the same values and priorities in life, a lot of this bitching stops. We get more broody and keep our cynical comments in our heads. It doesn't ever go away tho.

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Unfortunate.

Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
You know I also think that this could be a "cardinal sign thing" because I'm sure Aries and Capricorns and Cancer's do this too in some form or fashion, again, it isn't a test.

Yes, I have noticed the same. Though it is exemplified most by the Libra in my observations.

Cajun, you know that analysing a Libra woman to death won't solve any problems right? What you're doing here is unproductive and pretty destructive. She can never be right in your eyes, and you can also never be right in hers. Libra-Virgo man is likely to lead to sorrow. You need to let go of these negative thoughts.

Every sign has problems with each other. Libra and virgo being sensitive but not in complementary ways.. you might as well stick to Virgo for yourself. Life isn't that hard unless you like a difficult challenge (or impossible one) in this case.

Posted by spica
Cajun, you know that analysing a Libra woman to death won't solve any problems right? What you're doing here is unproductive and pretty destructive. She can never be right in your eyes, and you can also never be right in hers.

That's the thing, I don't want to analyse her to death.

I just want to be a good friend, one who does not have their intentions in doubt every 5 months with frequent cut offs at the Libran's discretion.

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by spica
Cajun, you know that analysing a Libra woman to death won't solve any problems right? What you're doing here is unproductive and pretty destructive. She can never be right in your eyes, and you can also never be right in hers.

That's the thing, I don't want to analyse her to death.

I just want to be a good friend, one who does not have their intentions in doubt every 5 months with frequent cut offs at the Libran's discretion.

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You cant control other peoples' behavior, only your own. From what you wrote she doesn't sound very put together, but that is expected of most young people. Manipulative behavior in friendships/relaionships are common, not say it is good, but alot of people dont even realise it themselves. If she is worth your time and energy for a friendship, then you can show her through (more)time that you don't mean what she thinks you do.

One thing you might take away is that she likely thinks you're smart and capable of the cunning that you mentioned.. also, give advice only when they ask for it, dont give it when n0ne are requested.

Posted by curious visitor

I don't like people "helping" me bc it usually involves them hijacking it and doing it their way. If they do it my way, they feel like I'm contolling them and being bossy (we are bossy, but we like to avoid these situations, so a lot of people never actually see it. In general, I'd much rather just do everything myself.

Holy crap this is so true of me. I think the issue is that we KNOW of our own limitations..i know that I can have a tendency of being codependent so our "life goal" if you want to call it anything would be to find a balance between defining ourselves while still being in harmony with everyone else. Or how can I please you and not at the expense of myself.

libras like being appreciated, and do tend to assume that if people like and appreciate us, they will give us our way. Usually because "our way" is something we view as very simple and enjoyable for everyone, not that it always really is. But our intentions aren't as selfish as they seem.

Also very true. It's cuz we show OUR appreciation by letting you call the shots(cool, do what you want to do, I honestly don't care for it, but if it makes you happy, I'm happy)..and we expect the same...just that most people don't seem to get that, I get in constant dissappointment with my husband about things like that, all of the time. It's heartwrenching, but I try to keep in mind that people don't think the way that I do when it comes to 'fairness'.

once young libra discovers that others don't have the same values and priorities in life, a lot of this bitching stops. We get more broody and keep our cynical comments in our heads. It doesn't ever go away tho.

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yep-yep.

Posted by spica

One thing you might take away is that she likely thinks you're smart and capable of the cunning that you mentioned.. also, give advice only when they ask for it, dont give it when n0ne are requested.

What cunning do you speak of?

Posted by TastesOfChaos
Then a few months later, sometimes longer, I'm cool with her again. For the most part, I hate her she is an awful person... but we have a lot of mutual friends so I "come back" and stop avoiding her and just be cordial to keep the peace... Then, as time goes on... She gets closer and closer and closer to me... and drives me INSANE again!! So I'm like fuck this bitch! I'm out!! Ive done this maybe 2-3 times with her...

🙂

Interesting... I really don't have much tolerance for such behaviour.

and as for the being shitty over not being appreciated thing... don't really have that issue myself. But I can see how a libra might feel put out at times by doing WAY too much for people... but that's their own dumb fault! 😛
some libras just people please too much

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Too true.

Posted by Cajunspirit

but we like to avoid these situations, so a lot of people never actually see it. Males are less bossy and use charm more). In general, I'd much rather just do everything myself.

That is fine and dandy, but it makes me wonder how ya'll deal with Pisces and Virgos. That attitude really upsets our "need to be needed" kind.

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ok. first off, virgos and pisces do not "need to be needed" in anything close to the same way. most virgos like being needed and appreciated. pisces are much more likely to get off on being martyrs. virgos need more reassurance with people (especially people who are as confusing as the typical libra), while pisces get off on the discomfort of not being reassured. as a libra, i like relationships that are built on mutual respect and appreciation. this is why things fail with pisces for me. if i'm my usual nice self, they turn against me and become sadistically cruel. if i act cold like they want, i can't have the relationship of equals that i want, so i have to move on. this seems to apply to friendships just as much as romantic situations. with virgo, the challenge is to find things for them to help you with, things you don't really need help with. busywork, really. or, if you're lucky, the virgo will be good at things you're bad at or disinterested in.

oddly, because libra's greatest need is to feel loved/liked, and nothing makes libra feel loved/liked more than people trying to do things for them and make them happy, virgos attempts to help libra actually make libra need them. the problem is finding something for virgo to do that libra either needs to have done or is harmless busywork that makes virgo feel like they're doing something that libra needs done. the act is currency, like paying with money rather than bartering directly.

this, i think, is the big problem you are having with your libra friend, caj. you want to be A friend, but you don't want to be HER friend. she doesn't feel like she's special to you, and she isn't. ultimately, it feels like you just want to use her to get what you want (to feel needed).

libras like being appreciated, and do tend to assume that if people like and appreciate us, they will give us our way. Usually because "our way" is something we view as very simple and enjoyable for everyone, not that it always really is. But our intentions aren't as selfish as they seem.

BINGO.

Again, makes me wonder how ya'll get along with "own way" Leos, who seem to be your best match in men honestly.

That assumption is very dangerous and I believe it leads to MOST Libran woman relationship problems.

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ah, leo guys. an interresting sort. i'm not sure why they'd be our best match in men. i've gotten along with a lot of them. they can be great to hang out with and a lot of them are just damn sexy, but i don't think a relationship could work very well, at least not for me. i've got a lot of scorpio in me.

libra women are probably very attractive to leo men, because we tend to go along with what others want to do, as long as it's not totally offensive to us. we love to compliment people, and leos sure do love our willingness to just be honest about how awesome they are (most people are too shy and reserved about it. lol).

i'm guessing that shallow libra and shallow leo would go very well together. they can look pretty and party a lot. those of us, leo and libra alike, with any substance will usually but heads before very long.

good for flirting and a couple dates, bad if it starts to get serious. leo will take and take, and eventually libra will feel that things are just too unbalanced and unequal, then libra will leave.

but i agree with you about that assumption libras make. it leads to a lot of relationship problems. all sorts, too, not just romantic. unfortunately, it seems pretty instinctual. i've known this for years, but knowing it and stopping it are very different things.

Posted by curious visitor

this, i think, is the big problem you are having with your libra friend, caj. you want to be A friend, but you don't want to be HER friend. she doesn't feel like she's special to you, and she isn't. ultimately, it feels like you just want to use her to get what you want (to feel needed).

She was my first girlfriend, I don't want her needing me. I just want to be there for her, talk to her and be nice, like the common interpretation of friendship.
But as you stated, she has a need to feel special and above the rest. My platonic and fair friendship isn't befitting for her needs.

Posted by curious visitorbut i agree with you about that assumption libras make. it leads to a lot of relationship problems. all sorts, too, not just romantic. unfortunately, it seems pretty instinctual. i've known this for years, but knowing it and stopping it are very different things.

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Indeed.

Posted by Cajunspirit
I will never understand the cynical nature....

You try to help them, and they deduce you are doing it for personal gain...
You reach out to them, and they push you away or dangle you on their threads...

and when they don't get their way, they accuse you of using them at your convenience and claim you don't value them...

Unbelievable....

libras can be extremely calculating. i'm not even gonna try to deny this. she's probably questioning your motives behind your nice gestures/deeds because it is something that she herself would do in order to achieve her objectives (be nice to someone in order to get what she wants. libras are not above that type of behavior. i know i'm not).


it's either that or....she just doesn't trust you because you've done something in the past that caused her to become suspicious of your actions.

anyways i dunno your whole situation. i dont have time to read every single post in this thread. hope things get better between you two.

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by curious visitor

this, i think, is the big problem you are having with your libra friend, caj. you want to be A friend, but you don't want to be HER friend. she doesn't feel like she's special to you, and she isn't. ultimately, it feels like you just want to use her to get what you want (to feel needed).

She was my first girlfriend, I don't want her needing me. I just want to be there for her, talk to her and be nice, like the common interpretation of friendship.
But as you stated, she has a need to feel special and above the rest. My platonic and fair friendship isn't befitting for her needs.

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i didn't say "above the rest". to the libra, friendships are their own entities. it's like it you look at the composite chart of two people. they each have their own individual chart, and when you combine them, you get a third chart that represents the dynamic that exists between them. depending on how two people click with one another, that dynamic can bring out all sorts of things in their nature. libras are all about partnership, but that doesn't necessarily only mean romantic partnerships. it's any one-on-one relationship. each relationship is very important to libras as its own entity.

so what i mean is that you don't see your friendship with her as a unique thing. you want to be A friend, not HER friend. it's a "you and i" thing instead of "we". libras want "we" relationships. that's what i mean by special. i think libra-virgo can only work well if the libra is genuinely special to the virgo in an "above the rest" way: close family, best friend, or when virgo is head over heels. otherwise, virgo won't treat it the way libras will treat just about anyone they have any one-on-one relationship with.

@Cajun, not sure which cunning perhaps you should know better in the context of your relationship?

Posted by MelanieG

it's either that or....she just doesn't trust you because you've done something in the past that caused her to become suspicious of your actions.

She accused me of "leading her on", a first for me.

Yet she is the one always saying we can't be together because of her family.

She tries to manipulate me, but my Mercury is in Libra, so I see straight through it.

Posted by curious visitor

so what i mean is that you don't see your friendship with her as a unique thing. you want to be A friend, not HER friend. it's a "you and i" thing instead of "we". libras want "we" relationships. that's what i mean by special. i think libra-virgo can only work well if the libra is genuinely special to the virgo in an "above the rest" way: close family, best friend, or when virgo is head over heels. otherwise, virgo won't treat it the way libras will treat just about anyone they have any one-on-one relationship with.

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Yeah, I won't give that. Not in my character to.

Also Cajun, I read that you were exes. That totally throws any semblance of logic out the window. Her expectations of you aren't purely for friendship. I'd say keep a distance - cut that cord unless you still plan on holding that candle.

Posted by spica
Also Cajun, I read that you were exes. That totally throws any semblance of logic out the window. Her expectations of you aren't purely for friendship. I'd say keep a distance - cut that cord unless you still plan on holding that candle.

What expectations do you forsee then?

She oft jokes I caused her to be cursed into liking guys like me.

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by spica
Also Cajun, I read that you were exes. That totally throws any semblance of logic out the window. Her expectations of you aren't purely for friendship. I'd say keep a distance - cut that cord unless you still plan on holding that candle.

What expectations do you forsee then?

She oft jokes I caused her to be cursed into liking guys like me.

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Obviously you still have feelings for her and vice versa. It's not a real friendship you're speaking of here. I'd say if you really care for the friendship, then let it go and stop hanging around her trying to be her friend. Expectations of a flame rekindle, that's what I meant. I bet you caught it as well.

But I agree with curious visitor re: relationships with libra.

Hey Caj,

All I can impart is what happened with me (Libra Female) and 3 out of 3 Virgo males I've dated:

Virgo 1: I told him he led me on basically because he knew he didn't want a serious relationship from me and refrained from telling me until I pressed the issue and was very hurt by the truth I uncovered. I also felt he led me on because he allowed me to do SO many girlfriend duties, when he knew he wouldn't reciprocate. That to me is selfish, mean, and un-gentlemanly. Yes, I'm stupid for pleasing too much, but if you really loved me, why would you let me? When you know we don't have a future?

Virgo 2: He was/still is, madly in love with me. With him, I have no issues, except that he tries to control me. This is why we will never work. I do appreciate his undying love and always repay him in kind, just in a "longhandled spoon" sort of way.

Virgo 3: Total satan spawn azzwipe. Not even worth articulating. Basically, a flaming narcissist. He was also Virgo/Libra cusp though, too.

Mocha

Posted by mochacaremel
Hey Caj,

All I can impart is what happened with me (Libra Female) and 3 out of 3 Virgo males I've dated

Perhaps you could tell me about the first 2, more. The Decans if you will.