Fear that lurks in

I don't know what got into me. But I know the trigger.

I was browsing Issa Rae's IG then stumbled upon one of her latest TV series project which portrays Black Love.

As I watched the preview, I was looking at my husband there.. (okay maybe not, but I definitely think about him right then)

Out of the blue, it hit me. I'm not a black woman. Would it feel different for him if his wife was a black woman (the woman of his homeland)? Would it be better?

What if it is better? Has he ever thought of having a black wife (considering how I behave/ my habits around the house)?

Will someday he get tired of me and ends up being with a black woman?

I swear to God, it's so weird and proven insecure. But I can't help it at the same time.

After all, we have so many differences, looks.. culture.. POV... habits.. personalities..

How can I deal with this?

(I'm currently not having problems with him.. Everything is fine at this moment)

I went in a date with a Gemini and he asked me would I ever leave him for a black guy.

At the time, I was like no, that’s crazy.

Now I’m like , I think the Gemini was onto something

So... you never know

Depends. If you are 15-20 years older than him, unfit, sold your house, took your life savings with you and moved to his homeland to marry a stranger you met on a holiday...then yes, you have all the reasons to fear.

If not, you are just sabotaging your relationship with such thoughts.

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Undine

Depends. If you are 15-20 years older than him, unfit, sold your house, took your life savings with you and moved to his homeland to marry a stranger you met on a holiday...then yes, you have all the reasons to fear.

If not, you are just sabotaging your relationship with such thoughts.

You just described this lady on “Married At First Sight the other side” or whatever that reality show is called 🤣😂

click to expand

That show is very interesting

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

@DMV

Posted by ImperfectStorm

Posted by Undine

Depends. If you are 15-20 years older than him, unfit, sold your house, took your life savings with you and moved to his homeland to marry a stranger you met on a holiday...then yes, you have all the reasons to fear.

If not, you are just sabotaging your relationship with such thoughts.

You just described this lady on “Married At First Sight the other side” or whatever that reality show is called 🤣😂

click to expand

Don't even know that show.... 😄

Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever.

Even if ya'll live your whole lives together someone is gonna croak first.

Pointless to get in your thoughts and worry about if he's gonna leave you, if your right for him, bla bla bla.

That's all noise born of your insecurities. Don't feed it. Spend your energy enjoying the time you have together and making the most of your bond.

Posted by Subliminals

I don't know what got into me. But I know the trigger.

I was browsing Issa Rae's IG then stumbled upon one of her latest TV series project which portrays Black Love.

As I watched the preview, I was looking at my husband there.. (okay maybe not, but I definitely think about him right then)

Out of the blue, it hit me. I'm not a black woman. Would it feel different for him if his wife was a black woman (the woman of his homeland)? Would it be better?

What if it is better? Has he ever thought of having a black wife (considering how I behave/ my habits around the house)?

Will someday he get tired of me and ends up being with a black woman?

I swear to God, it's so weird and proven insecure. But I can't help it at the same time.

After all, we have so many differences, looks.. culture.. POV... habits.. personalities..

How can I deal with this?

(I'm currently not having problems with him.. Everything is fine at this moment)

Why? Like seriously. HE MARRIED YOU FOR A REASON! As a man I find this very insulting. No worse, your insulting him and yourself. He choose YOU for a reason and YOU HIM.

Culture is a learned behavior, it's not limited by geography or gene pool.

Feel free to talk to him about your curiosity of his culture. Never know maybe you will find something you would like to try. It's a 2-way street btw. He could do the same if he is up for it. Could be fun.

Basically turn those questions in your head from feelings of insecurity to curiosity.

This insecurity you are having is troubling though. As a former victim of a super insecure partner, I want to pick you brain.

1. Are you this fickle with your commitments( your married) and maybe projecting?

Projecting as a root cause is actually really common. People usually don't realize this and rationalize there feelings in there head based on the trigger thoughts or situation without looking deeper. Just like people who cheat will at some point think their partner is too, because they were able to do it lol

That same logic works with a lot of things. Could this be the case? Are you fickle in relationships?

2. You question your own worth and value. Or even better, you question his desire of you vs. other options. You question his judgement basically. What comes to mind this this one?

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

So a white guy born and raised in the Caribbean would be fine?

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

So a white guy born and raised in the Caribbean would be fine?

click to expand

Hahaha! Only if he's Tom Hanks son.

I date white/mexcian/asian men here. I don't have issues with other races that aren't my own. Different cultures seem have more of a respect for others. Myself included. I think I can take my own culture for granted sometimes. I'm more curious of the unknown.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

So a white guy born and raised in the Caribbean would be fine?

Hahaha! Only if he's Tom Hanks son.

I date white/mexcian/asian men here. I don't have issues with other races that aren't my own. Different cultures seem have more of a respect for others. Myself included. I think I can take my own culture for granted sometimes. I'm more curious of the unknown.

click to expand

A. you caught that good😁

I personally have no culture nor identify any. I don't see a point in subscribing to one set of rules either. I assimilate what I like and works.

For instance, I like the habit of taking off your shoes before entering a house. The benefits vs. the inconvenience is worth it. However my carpet is Crap and everyone is walking on concrete. So not practicing it, but when that changes I will enforce it. The stuff your tracking all over your floors and constantly re-exposing yourself to is worth noting.

I would highly recommend it to anyone with a crawling baby or has allergies to do it.

"More respect for others" I like that and it's true. I don't care for culture street at all though. Street culture is a watered down version of prison culture. Which is a battle for status and the completion in the worst parts of human nature. Why do people glorify acting like bad humans?😔

The way the word "respect" is used so often in that culture is what really gets me. Considering what "respect" is, is not what they are doing at all.

When you really think about compare how most cultures show respect, you will see that the displays of respect are actually actions are simply displays of consideration for others at it's root. We are all different yet still the same at the same time.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

So a white guy born and raised in the Caribbean would be fine?

Hahaha! Only if he's Tom Hanks son.

I date white/mexcian/asian men here. I don't have issues with other races that aren't my own. Different cultures seem have more of a respect for others. Myself included. I think I can take my own culture for granted sometimes. I'm more curious of the unknown.

A. you caught that good😁

I personally have no culture nor identify any. I don't see a point in subscribing to one set of rules either. I assimilate what I like and works.

For instance, I like the habit of taking off your shoes before entering a house. The benefits vs. the inconvenience is worth it. However my carpet is Crap and everyone is walking on concrete. So not practicing it, but when that changes I will enforce it. The stuff your tracking all over your floors and constantly re-exposing yourself to is worth noting.

I would highly recommend it to anyone with a crawling baby or has allergies to do it.

"More respect for others" I like that and it's true. I don't care for culture street at all though. Street culture is a watered down version of prison culture. Which is a battle for status and the completion in the worst parts of human nature. Why do people glorify acting like bad humans?😔

The way the word "respect" is used so often in that culture is what really gets me. Considering what "respect" is, is not what they are doing at all.

When you really think about compare how most cultures show respect, you will see that the displays of respect are actually actions are simply displays of consideration for others at it's root. We are all different yet still the same at the same time.

click to expand

I'm an equal opportunist. I just want someone who treats me right and loves me for me. It can come in any race. I'm a collector 😛

I don't like street trash either. Every race/culture has them.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

So a white guy born and raised in the Caribbean would be fine?

Hahaha! Only if he's Tom Hanks son.

I date white/mexcian/asian men here. I don't have issues with other races that aren't my own. Different cultures seem have more of a respect for others. Myself included. I think I can take my own culture for granted sometimes. I'm more curious of the unknown.

A. you caught that good😁

I personally have no culture nor identify any. I don't see a point in subscribing to one set of rules either. I assimilate what I like and works.

For instance, I like the habit of taking off your shoes before entering a house. The benefits vs. the inconvenience is worth it. However my carpet is Crap and everyone is walking on concrete. So not practicing it, but when that changes I will enforce it. The stuff your tracking all over your floors and constantly re-exposing yourself to is worth noting.

I would highly recommend it to anyone with a crawling baby or has allergies to do it.

"More respect for others" I like that and it's true. I don't care for culture street at all though. Street culture is a watered down version of prison culture. Which is a battle for status and the completion in the worst parts of human nature. Why do people glorify acting like bad humans?😔

The way the word "respect" is used so often in that culture is what really gets me. Considering what "respect" is, is not what they are doing at all.

When you really think about compare how most cultures show respect, you will see that the displays of respect are actually actions are simply displays of consideration for others at it's root. We are all different yet still the same at the same time.

I'm an equal opportunist. I just want someone who treats me right and loves me for me. It can come in any race. I'm a collector 😛

I don't like street trash either. Every race/culture has them.

click to expand

Lmao

Posted by saggurl88

I think it's based on his history with his own race. If he had good relationships in the past or if there was always some issue that couldn't be overcome with the women of his race.

I'm mixed race and am starting to lean towards non black guys more now. Cause I'm tired of dealing with certain issues that American black men have.

I don't find that in black guys that aren't American though. African and Caribbean black men have different mindsets. So I like them and prefer them.

So I'd rather date a guy who isn't black American. I'd date any race, to try it out and see what they have to offer, since I'm tired of the same old same old.

He's African so he's a bit traditional. No, I'm saying this because there seem to be a lot of differences in behaviours, mindsets and attitudes African woman have from me, Asian. But them Asians are worse than African. So it SEEMS.

But again, it's me generalizing.

*shrug*

I don't think much about it anymore though.. so.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Subliminals

I don't know what got into me. But I know the trigger.

I was browsing Issa Rae's IG then stumbled upon one of her latest TV series project which portrays Black Love.

As I watched the preview, I was looking at my husband there.. (okay maybe not, but I definitely think about him right then)

Out of the blue, it hit me. I'm not a black woman. Would it feel different for him if his wife was a black woman (the woman of his homeland)? Would it be better?

What if it is better? Has he ever thought of having a black wife (considering how I behave/ my habits around the house)?

Will someday he get tired of me and ends up being with a black woman?

I swear to God, it's so weird and proven insecure. But I can't help it at the same time.

After all, we have so many differences, looks.. culture.. POV... habits.. personalities..

How can I deal with this?

(I'm currently not having problems with him.. Everything is fine at this moment)

Why? Like seriously. HE MARRIED YOU FOR A REASON! As a man I find this very insulting. No worse, your insulting him and yourself. He choose YOU for a reason and YOU HIM.

Culture is a learned behavior, it's not limited by geography or gene pool.

Feel free to talk to him about your curiosity of his culture. Never know maybe you will find something you would like to try. It's a 2-way street btw. He could do the same if he is up for it. Could be fun.

Basically turn those questions in your head from feelings of insecurity to curiosity.

This insecurity you are having is troubling though. As a former victim of a super insecure partner, I want to pick you brain.

1. Are you this fickle with your commitments( your married) and maybe projecting?

Projecting as a root cause is actually really common. People usually don't realize this and rationalize there feelings in there head based on the trigger thoughts or situation without looking deeper. Just like people who cheat will at some point think their partner is too, because they were able to do it lol

That same logic works with a lot of things. Could this be the case? Are you fickle in relationships?

2. You question your own worth and value. Or even better, you question his desire of you vs. other options. You question his judgement basically. What comes to mind this this one?

click to expand

I never expectesd a man to find this insulting ...

Maybe projecting..

I don't know..

But I think more question my worth and value in his life.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Subliminals

I don't know what got into me. But I know the trigger.

I was browsing Issa Rae's IG then stumbled upon one of her latest TV series project which portrays Black Love.

As I watched the preview, I was looking at my husband there.. (okay maybe not, but I definitely think about him right then)

Out of the blue, it hit me. I'm not a black woman. Would it feel different for him if his wife was a black woman (the woman of his homeland)? Would it be better?

What if it is better? Has he ever thought of having a black wife (considering how I behave/ my habits around the house)?

Will someday he get tired of me and ends up being with a black woman?

I swear to God, it's so weird and proven insecure. But I can't help it at the same time.

After all, we have so many differences, looks.. culture.. POV... habits.. personalities..

How can I deal with this?

(I'm currently not having problems with him.. Everything is fine at this moment)

Why? Like seriously. HE MARRIED YOU FOR A REASON! As a man I find this very insulting. No worse, your insulting him and yourself. He choose YOU for a reason and YOU HIM.

Culture is a learned behavior, it's not limited by geography or gene pool.

Feel free to talk to him about your curiosity of his culture. Never know maybe you will find something you would like to try. It's a 2-way street btw. He could do the same if he is up for it. Could be fun.

Basically turn those questions in your head from feelings of insecurity to curiosity.

This insecurity you are having is troubling though. As a former victim of a super insecure partner, I want to pick you brain.

1. Are you this fickle with your commitments( your married) and maybe projecting?

Projecting as a root cause is actually really common. People usually don't realize this and rationalize there feelings in there head based on the trigger thoughts or situation without looking deeper. Just like people who cheat will at some point think their partner is too, because they were able to do it lol

That same logic works with a lot of things. Could this be the case? Are you fickle in relationships?

2. You question your own worth and value. Or even better, you question his desire of you vs. other options. You question his judgement basically. What comes to mind this this one?

click to expand

I never expectesd a man to find this insulting ...

Maybe projecting..

I don't know..

But I think more question my worth and value in his life.