I have a hard time saying NO to people. Can anyone here relate to me?

I admit that I have a problem. I feel stupid for being too nice, almost like a doormat for everyone 🥺🙄

When people ask me for favors, I have a hard time saying no out of fear of turning people down. I feel that people only like you if you say yes to everything. If you don’t, you’re automatically selfish or a bad person.

At my job they ask me if I can stay overtime a lot. Stupid me always says yes when I really need some time for myself.

My mom asks me to do her favors or run errands for her. I always say yes otherwise I’ll feel guilty for not helping her. She’s my mother, not just any person.

My brother asked if I could watch my niece and nephew on a Wednesday night. Oh man, I REALLY wanted to say no, but I ended up doing him the favor even if my brother never speaks to me.

I am tired of being so stupid and caring too much about peoples feelings. So what if I turn them down? I feel like I care too much about others while they could care less about me.

How can I stop being afraid of saying no?

Has anyone been in the same boat?

Yeah.. boundaries have always been an issue I've noticed in myself. Pretty sure it goes back to feeling disconnected or abandoned by my father.. oh joy lol 😬😅👀🤷🏻‍♀️

Personally, I notice I tend to get caught up in over-thinking and the cycle of thinking I can make everyone else around me happy (but not myself) if they're down n out. No. That's not how it works. I actually have to say out loud to myself that negative self-talk is not a helper, it's a hindrance and I'm a good person n whatever the issue is, is not mine to fix. Well, most of the time, if it is mine I fix it, to the best of my abilities.

I feel like I rambled.. but anywho um. Only in the last couple/few years have I faced this people-pleasing issue of mine. I'm afraid no one will be standing by me, when I feel like I'd stand by them.. if push came to shove.. and the hard pill to swallow is that, some of them won't. But I can't let someone else tell me how I respond to others.. that's on me n I'm just gonna have to figure it out.. 🤷🏻‍♀️💛💛

If you sometimes say no to your family it’s not like they’re going to attack you or desert you. If they do then they’re not really your family so fuck them. And you make it sound like turning someone down is like being a bitch. You can kindly turn people down.. say stuff like you’re really worn out and need some rest or can maybe do x errand when you’re also out doing something else for yourself around that area soon. In regards to overtime, you can say stuff like you can’t because you have important plans afterwards or anything serious if it makes you feel any better in justifying it for yourself. You need to be able to stand up for yourself. This is a low self-esteem issue. Let me paint a pretty picture of how if you continue this behavior, people in your life will continue to use you and reap benefits while you get nothing out of it. This false illusion of you thinking you’ll at least be liked is just that, an illusion. Now it’s little things, next thing you know you’re lending out large chunks of your hard earned money to love interests who promise they’ll pay you back but they don’t but you still can’t do anything about it because you can’t stand up for yourself, etc. And now they’ve disappeared from the face of earth. I’ve seen it happen. If that doesn’t scare you, then nothing will. But that’s exactly where you’re headed at this rate.

Work on that self-esteem and need for approval. Don't suffer fools.

Oh yeah.

It took me a while to learn and put into action that it’s okay to be selfish. Basically having days full of no’s. Even when I damn sure wanna say yes. I just say no as practice so when a real decision comes my way, I have practiced how to say no.

I think many of the latter signs suffer from this or Mars in a mutable sign.

I also suffer from FOMO

Posted by Hamsthetics

I know it's very hard. People always says, if u are a healthy, happy and postive person, saying NO and recieving a NO for answer would never be a big deal.

But it's far more complicated for a Pisces moon like me.

This is great saying.

No

Posted by DMV

Oh yeah.

It took me a while to learn and put into action that it’s okay to be selfish. Basically having days full of no’s. Even when I damn sure wanna say yes. I just say no as practice so when a real decision comes my way, I have practiced how to say no.

I think many of the latter signs suffer from this or Mars in a mutable sign.

I also suffer from FOMO

Sometimes you gotta be like

"NO BITCH!!", "fuck u hoe!"

Yes I have a tough time, but I dont use the word no, I give a reason and then I say sorry, using the word no is just a too

difficult. But it gets easier, cause people dont get angry when I do that.

Not after I learned to say "Yes, but..."

If you are a people pleaser, learn to make it conditional: "I would like this favour from you". "I am busy now...ask me later". "I'm asking for a promotion".

There ain't no such thing as a free lunch 😉

You need to care for yourself in the same way you care of others. And that means saying no sometimes. I speak from experience. If they really care about you, they will totally understand. Just communicate your needs clearly.

Yeah that was me in a nutshell. Tell you what when you finally break down you'll start establishing boundaries. Well maybe break down a few times and you'll get there.

Posted by Rainbow87

I admit that I have a problem. I feel stupid for being too nice, almost like a doormat for everyone 🥺🙄

When people ask me for favors, I have a hard time saying no out of fear of turning people down. I feel that people only like you if you say yes to everything. If you don’t, you’re automatically selfish or a bad person.

At my job they ask me if I can stay overtime a lot. Stupid me always says yes when I really need some time for myself.

My mom asks me to do her favors or run errands for her. I always say yes otherwise I’ll feel guilty for not helping her. She’s my mother, not just any person.

My brother asked if I could watch my niece and nephew on a Wednesday night. Oh man, I REALLY wanted to say no, but I ended up doing him the favor even if my brother never speaks to me.

I am tired of being so stupid and caring too much about peoples feelings. So what if I turn them down? I feel like I care too much about others while they could care less about me.

How can I stop being afraid of saying no?

Has anyone been in the same boat?

Have you ever heard of Co-Dependancy?

Read this..

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124

I have co-dependancy issues, but I'm working on it.