@Mtnboy
5 Years
The stars and your sex life
You spend many happy hours in drag. You often fantasize youself, Janet Reno, and Kenneth Starr locked in a romantic dogpile inside a White House broom closet. Your greatest fear is that the FBI will videotape you indulging in your secret perversions to play back during a Senate Hearing on Obscenity and Pornography. You are a nebbish and a braggart and often impotent. Pisces people are the ones most likely to turn up in hospital emergency rooms with dead gerbils stuffed into their dank and sunless orifices.
Very impotent. And I had both hamsters and a guinea pig growing up so this tracks lmao
"SAGITTARIUS
You are the one most likely to have a boner while giving a business presentation in front of a large group of conservatively dressed strangers. You buy "Trojans Extra Large" for your pathetic three-inch winkie. If you aim for your lover's privates, you will, most likely, miss and end up plunging your tiny little erection into her cat -- to the annoyance of the cat. Since you are the one most likely to recklessly rely on luck as a form of birth control, you are frequently stung by paternity suits. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends, which might explain many of your other problems. People laugh at you a great deal, especially while having sex with you."
I'm pretty disappointed that it's labeling me and my 5 inch clitoris 😭
I worked pretty hard to stand out and add the extra 4 1/2 inches! But it's true- they all laugh! 😭
SCORPIO - Oct. 23 to Nov. 21:
You will lie, cheat and steal to get laid. You are the ideal partner for a Cancer. Many of the most successful pimps are Scorpios. They get rich by cheating their girls, and videotaping then blackmailing their customers. Most Scorpio people are murdered by their lovers or by irate "Johns.
Lol
No
To any of it
😀
"You will lie, cheat and steal to get laid. You are the ideal partner for a Cancer. Many of the most successful pimps are Scorpios. They get rich by cheating their girls, and videotaping then blackmailing their customers. Most Scorpio people are murdered by their lovers or by irate "Johns."
Well, I can tell it was written by a troll.
Scorpio haters lol 😂
I had sex with a mars in Gemini and he would not shut the duck up. He was a chatterbox before during and after
GEMINI - May 11 to June 20:
People like you because you are bisexual. However, all agree that you talk too much during sex. You are known to be cheap and have earned a reputation for stiffing on services rendered. Hookers, therefore, demand payment in advance from you. Geminis are renowned for committing incest. Of all the signs, you are most likely to write, direct, produce or act in hard-core pornography.
I would like to try to dispute this. But it all seems to be true.
Taurus is only dull in bed because they’re not being their true selves.
Once they become hedonistic and show their true whore, boring is not in the same sentence
Mars square Sun
These dudes and synastry with them, they will slap the shyt outta you during sex
Humiliation and control is the name of the game
Aries sun can’t get enough anal. I think they prefer anal over vaginal sex
Oh! I just noticed that Gemini starts on May 11th.......? Isn't that special! Alert the Taurus's!
The public place is the only thing they got right 😂😂
"You will lie, cheat and steal to get laid. You are the ideal partner for a Cancer. Many of the most successful pimps are Scorpios. They get rich by cheating their girls, and videotaping then blackmailing their customers. Most Scorpio people are murdered by their lovers or by irate "Johns."
Well, I can tell it was written by a troll.
Scorpio haters lol 😂
I mean...it's not like our sign don't deserve the hate though, I can understand why others dislike us, even I can't stand other Scorpios. But that one is cringe.
click to expand
Yes really cringe 🥴
I like Scorps 👍
The public place is the only thing they got right 😂😂
Not the farm animals then? 🐖🐑🐂
🥴😂
Capricorns stay have orgy and trains.
They wake up the next day and don’t know who the papi is
The public place is the only thing they got right 😂😂
Not the farm animals then? 🐖🐑🐂
🥴😂
click to expand
Had a bad experience😂😂😂
Leo write is dead on.
The public place is the only thing they got right 😂😂
Not the farm animals then? 🐖🐑🐂
🥴😂
Had a bad experience😂😂😂
click to expand
Never again 😂🥴🐑
Libra and std Is interesting
Isnt Cardi B fighting an std rumor as we speak??
Hmm I feel like scorpios being know for sex doesn’t get the write ups they truly deserve.
Aquarius. Damn the write does not like you guys
I’m reminded of a DXPr who said Aquarius will do anything taboo
Sleep with their friends boyfriends and get married to em
Pisces write up sounds more like scorpio
The public place is the only thing they got right 😂😂
Not the farm animals then? 🐖🐑🐂
🥴😂
Had a bad experience😂😂😂
Never again 😂🥴🐑
click to expand
😂😂😂😂
Is this thread fucked up, or am I...?? 👀
😝
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I found this floating around the internet, it gave me a good laugh so I figured I would share it.
https://www.chem.ucla.edu/~alice/explorations/horrorscope.htm