White lies

Where do you draw the line and when do you decide enough is enough? How did you deal with it? Include personal examples if you can. Thx.

"we're bringing education and christianity to africa, trust us"

Posted by hydorah
"we're bringing education and christianity to africa, trust us"

That's no white lie, that's a big bada boom of a lie.

Thanks for playing.

Next.

when I catch them enough times and feel like they are disrespecting me

I either call them out on their bs or don't say anything about it if there's no proof

I can tell when someone it’s saying a lie. But I normally pretend I don’t noticed. I really don’t mind too much but truth will make me trust you more even if it hurts to hear it.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Where do you draw the line and when do you decide enough is enough? How did you deal with it? Include personal examples if you can. Thx.

It's too bad this thread didn't take off. The ambiguity could have made for a rather interesting read.

click to expand

Yeah well........

I should've shown my tits instead. Too bad for DXP I'm not that kind of gurl.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Where do you draw the line and when do you decide enough is enough? How did you deal with it? Include personal examples if you can. Thx.

It's too bad this thread didn't take off. The ambiguity could have made for a rather interesting read.

Yeah well........

I should've shown my tits instead. Too bad for DXP I'm not that kind of gurl.

haha. gif though. I'm like... If you have to say you're not one of them... odds are you're one of them.

Also, I suppose I'll go ahead and be the one to take the introspective road since others have covered the path of extrospection like champs.

The line, for me, is when I feel as though the pain from me telling the white lie runs the risk of nearing the pain I was trying to prevent in the first place. To me, if I choose to tell someone a white lie then I also understand the obligations that come with doing it, and that's where I think most people f*ck up. I know from the moment the lie passes my lips: I am obligated to be 100% honest about what it is I'm doing with myself, because lying to them and myself would be a whole new level of crazy. I am obligated to remain aware of how the lie is impacting others at all times. I am obligated to remain aware of how the lie is impacting myself, my beliefs, and my other ethics/values at all times. I am obligated to take accountability for my actions no matter how uncomfortable of a situation I've created, and understand that I had forfeited any right to be angry or defensive the second I chose this path. This will probably be a terrible example, but let's say I know someone has to work in the morning, and I used that person's car, then chose to lie about putting gas in it, because I assumed I could do it before they'd need to use it and thinking it would prevent a confrontation.... If 2 hours later they wanted to go shopping, and I haven't put that gas in... Well, time to own that sh*t. It's embarrassing, makes me look stupid (rightfully so), and may have consequences I won't like... but I knew the risks going in.

click to expand

Uh huh, that's exactly what I'm dealing with right now. A white lie that caused big booboo. I've been wrestling with it for 3 days and I'm not any closer figuring out how to work past it because its effect cut me deep.

My mother and oldest sister have this clique where they make everything about themselves (and each other) wherever they go and whatever they do - one of the many reasons they are no longer in my life.

A few days ago was my birthday, and my boyfriend had a big thing planned for me. Unfortunately he caused an accident where he injured both me and himself to the point where we couldn't celebrate the way we wanted to. So he said to me that his mother had arranged a birthday dinner for me which would include his immediate family (they are a big one).

Instead, his sisters decided to each make a big announcement about their own lives and everyone was too busy fussing over them. Now, being a Pisces, I don't have a massive ego and I was happy for both of them because everyone could use more good news. But at the same time it took me back to all those times my mother/sister hogged the spotlight even on occasions when it was my day. As much as I tried to have a good time, that persistent nagging feeling chipped away at me all night.

The next morning I was 99% certain he had lied to me but I wanted to make sure, so I made a veiled comment about his sisters being upstagers and he would hardly look me in the eye. But that's the thing, the dinner was not about me at all. It was his sisters that requested the get together so they could both announce their engagements. My rotten relationship with my family is still a very sore point with me, and after growing closer with his family I got attached to them. So it really hurt my feelings that they barely acknowledged me as much as the birthday boy should be acknowledged on the alleged dinner THEY supposedly put together for him.

I can sort of see how he meant well and was just trying to make me feel better, but it was the worst case scenario. I kinda feel stupid for being pissed at them because they had no idea what was going on, but it doesn't change the fact that I experienced that rotten feeling of being ignored by those I really care about for like 3 days and it doesn't just go away magically. Abandonment issues at its core.

What makes it worse is that he thought he could get away with it. I was like "you DUMBASS, I'm a future criminal psychologist and I see everything", and I saw through his first white lie when he did it last year as well. He's said it himself that I have x-ray vision. We haven't had sex in 3 days which is unheard of since we hooked up, and yesterday I slept on the armchair after I drank myself into oblivion because my ribs were killing me and was out of painkillers - first time we slept in separate rooms since he moved in.

I could choke him. I tolerate a lot and I let him get away with a great deal, but don't fuck with my emotions.

Posted by sierra_
he could've just kept that lie to himself and avoided this

but he fessed up... it's just you didn't wanna hear nor accept the truth

nor would i really

i'm not saying what he did was right

but remember how you're upset with someone for presenting you the truth

honestly i'd feel the same way like i'd be:

"why couldn't you have just continued to keep this when you yourself contributed to this that had hurt me? instead you fess up to salve your guilt and hurt me even more?"

He didn't fess up, I figured it out myself. X-ray vision FTW. He simply didn't deny it. And guilt is the least of his concerns right now, he'll be feeling a lot more when I'm through with him.

you sound like a douchebag OP

get over your moods, what are you, a cancer?

You should be happy they're even thinking about your birthday, they're not even your family

Posted by hydorah
you sound like a douchebag OP

get over your moods, what are you, a cancer?

You should be happy they're even thinking about your birthday, they're not even your family

Well.......considering your crowning achievement of the past 5-10 years has been becoming sidekick to an ugly fiction-immersed creep with an unnatural fixation on his fugly dog, you & your opinion aren't exactly held in high regard around here. So leave the threads dealing with real-life issues to those who have the aptitude to tackle them. Because you damn sure ain't one of them.

Back to your cave, granny.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Where do you draw the line and when do you decide enough is enough? How did you deal with it? Include personal examples if you can. Thx.

It's too bad this thread didn't take off. The ambiguity could have made for a rather interesting read.

Yeah well........

I should've shown my tits instead. Too bad for DXP I'm not that kind of gurl.

haha. gif though. I'm like... If you have to say you're not one of them... odds are you're one of them.

Also, I suppose I'll go ahead and be the one to take the introspective road since others have covered the path of extrospection like champs.

The line, for me, is when I feel as though the pain from me telling the white lie runs the risk of nearing the pain I was trying to prevent in the first place. To me, if I choose to tell someone a white lie then I also understand the obligations that come with doing it, and that's where I think most people f*ck up. I know from the moment the lie passes my lips: I am obligated to be 100% honest about what it is I'm doing with myself, because lying to them and myself would be a whole new level of crazy. I am obligated to remain aware of how the lie is impacting others at all times. I am obligated to remain aware of how the lie is impacting myself, my beliefs, and my other ethics/values at all times. I am obligated to take accountability for my actions no matter how uncomfortable of a situation I've created, and understand that I had forfeited any right to be angry or defensive the second I chose this path. This will probably be a terrible example, but let's say I know someone has to work in the morning, and I used that person's car, then chose to lie about putting gas in it, because I assumed I could do it before they'd need to use it and thinking it would prevent a confrontation.... If 2 hours later they wanted to go shopping, and I haven't put that gas in... Well, time to own that sh*t. It's embarrassing, makes me look stupid (rightfully so), and may have consequences I won't like... but I knew the risks going in.

Uh huh, that's exactly what I'm dealing with right now. A white lie that caused big booboo. I've been wrestling with it for 3 days and I'm not any closer figuring out how to work past it because its effect cut me deep.

My mother and oldest sister have this clique where they make everything about themselves (and each other) wherever they go and whatever they do - one of the many reasons they are no longer in my life.

A few days ago was my birthday, and my boyfriend had a big thing planned for me. Unfortunately he caused an accident where he injured both me and himself to the point where we couldn't celebrate the way we wanted to. So he said to me that his mother had arranged a birthday dinner for me which would include his immediate family (they are a big one).

Instead, his sisters decided to each make a big announcement about their own lives and everyone was too busy fussing over them. Now, being a Pisces, I don't have a massive ego and I was happy for both of them because everyone could use more good news. But at the same time it took me back to all those times my mother/sister hogged the spotlight even on occasions when it was my day. As much as I tried to have a good time, that persistent nagging feeling chipped away at me all night.

The next morning I was 99% certain he had lied to me but I wanted to make sure, so I made a veiled comment about his sisters being upstagers and he would hardly look me in the eye. But that's the thing, the dinner was not about me at all. It was his sisters that requested the get together so they could both announce their engagements. My rotten relationship with my family is still a very sore point with me, and after growing closer with his family I got attached to them. So it really hurt my feelings that they barely acknowledged me as much as the birthday boy should be acknowledged on the alleged dinner THEY supposedly put together for him.

I can sort of see how he meant well and was just trying to make me feel better, but it was the worst case scenario. I kinda feel stupid for being pissed at them because they had no idea what was going on, but it doesn't change the fact that I experienced that rotten feeling of being ignored by those I really care about for like 3 days and it doesn't just go away magically. Abandonment issues at its core.

What makes it worse is that he thought he could get away with it. I was like "you DUMBASS, I'm a future criminal psychologist and I see everything", and I saw through his first white lie when he did it last year as well. He's said it himself that I have x-ray vision. We haven't had sex in 3 days which is unheard of since we hooked up, and yesterday I slept on the armchair after I drank myself into oblivion because my ribs were killing me and was out of painkillers - first time we slept in separate rooms since he moved in.

I could choke him. I tolerate a lot and I let him get away with a great deal, but don't fuck with my emotions.

I'm pretty sure you've read enough of my 'stuff' to not be offended by how direct I'm about to be. If I'm wrong about that let me know, haha. but I don't think I am.

Anyway... There is a difference between knowing what you know, and thinking you know what you know. That being said, if you feel like he isn't being honest... don't be a dick. Just be honest. Man up and say 'I think this, and the reasons I think 'this' is because of this. I want to make sure I understand the situation for what it truly is, so whether I'm wrong or right I'd like you to let me know' ... I mean, I get it. I'm a fish too, and being that real about it can be scary as shit, but you know what's even more scary? Knowing that if you don't you can loose it all. That's not scary that's terrifying on a few levels. You've got this.

Also, even though I can't change it or how you feel about all that past family 'stuff'... my heart still goes out to ya'. It sucks that anyone is made to feel that way. You wouldn't have the same understanding and growth that you do today though if that didn't happen. Adversity makes us stronger if we allow it. Allow it. Take the good, forgive the rest. Not for them, but for yourself, so that you can move on without taking that sadness forward.

click to expand

Sag rising Vs Sag rising = match made in heaven. I'm fairly sure we're the only ones who can truly take each other's barbs and come out unscathed & sporting an appetite for more lol.

The trick about dealing Vs suppressing issues is that you never really know which one you've got until you find yourself in that situation.

Before this one, I had been single for years after the trauma I endured because of my ex who had gotten way too close to HIS ex while we were still together. So as soon as I saw that bitch kiss my current one, my mind flashed right back to my ex and I saw red.

Now, my family issues date back 20 years. I was 12 when they started and it got steadily worse each year. By 13 I was practically raising myself, financial support aside, because both parents were beyond useless in being actual parents. I'm the youngest and the only boy. I've said it many times before, that age bracket is a very crucial period in a person's life because it sets the tone for his/her adulthood. And only having myself to rely on for emotional support at such a young age fucked me up big time.

Now I'm 33 and I don't want or need my family in my life but it doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have a family around me that I can rely on sometimes. That's the point of family. It's beyond exhausting to live like this for so long, because they are supposed to be there for you. But I was too unlucky to have been born into a pack of selfish fucks who only cared about getting their vaginas filled and their cock sucked (my dad).

So I had no choice BUT to block them out of my mind & heart. But the wounds they caused are still there. Obviously. I don't miss *them* but I miss who they should've been. I got a real taste of who they should've been from my Jed's family. And that's why it hurt. It's not something I wanted to feel, it was automatic. Time doesn't heal all wounds.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by hydorah
you sound like a douchebag OP

get over your moods, what are you, a cancer?

You should be happy they're even thinking about your birthday, they're not even your family

Well.......considering your crowning achievement of the past 5-10 years has been becoming sidekick to an ugly fiction-immersed creep with an unnatural fixation on his fugly dog, you & your opinion aren't exactly held in high regard around here. So leave the threads dealing with real-life issues to those who have the aptitude to tackle them. Because you damn sure ain't one of them.

Back to your cave, granny.

Hey! You're both above this, and neither of you have more right than the other to treat each other in the very way you both set out to defend. Now, I can't stop either of you. You're grown. I can just say my bit and hope for the best. Remember though... at the end of the day you have to live with only one person. Yourself. Is this something you want to live with?

click to expand

Don't worry about him, he's just a cave-dwelling spinster who doesn't like hearing about my Jed because it reminds him of his own failures in life. Sour grapes & resenting what he doesn't have. He's been more or less fixated on me for the past year. So he's not really above "this" because he's got no class. It's quite amusing, really.

Posted by sierra_

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by sierra_
he could've just kept that lie to himself and avoided this

but he fessed up... it's just you didn't wanna hear nor accept the truth

nor would i really

i'm not saying what he did was right

but remember how you're upset with someone for presenting you the truth

honestly i'd feel the same way like i'd be:

"why couldn't you have just continued to keep this when you yourself contributed to this that had hurt me? instead you fess up to salve your guilt and hurt me even more?"

He didn't fess up, I figured it out myself. X-ray vision FTW. He simply didn't deny it. And guilt is the least of his concerns right now, he'll be feeling a lot more when I'm through with him.

why do you always have to gutter it up?

click to expand

Because I told him I ordered that thing from Amazon and I'll keep it always within arm's reach.

He knew about my family issues but he didn't know about the upstaging clique of my mother/sister. Now he does and he knows what he's gonna have to take the next time he blunders. In his defense, 20 years of crap is quite a lot to cover. In these matters you simply learn on the job. NOW he knows better.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by hydorah
you sound like a douchebag OP

get over your moods, what are you, a cancer?

You should be happy they're even thinking about your birthday, they're not even your family

Well.......considering your crowning achievement of the past 5-10 years has been becoming sidekick to an ugly fiction-immersed creep with an unnatural fixation on his fugly dog, you & your opinion aren't exactly held in high regard around here. So leave the threads dealing with real-life issues to those who have the aptitude to tackle them. Because you damn sure ain't one of them.

Back to your cave, granny.

Hey! You're both above this, and neither of you have more right than the other to treat each other in the very way you both set out to defend. Now, I can't stop either of you. You're grown. I can just say my bit and hope for the best. Remember though... at the end of the day you have to live with only one person. Yourself. Is this something you want to live with?

Don't worry about him, he's just a cave-dwelling spinster who doesn't like hearing about my Jed because it reminds him of his own failures in life. Sour grapes & resenting what he doesn't have. He's been more or less fixated on me for the past year. So he's not really above "this" because he's got no class. It's quite amusing, really.

I worry about everyone because to me everyone matters and we all live together in this world, so I am, and will continue to, fight for betterment. Just to be clear I am not fighting for you to change your thoughts/history/or actions. I am fighting by way of example, because I'm not crazy enough to think that I matter so much that I am able to control anyone.

Now... I'll respond to the reply you gave me before this via message; however, as far as this goes I've said my bit.

click to expand

I'm a firm believer in giving people a dose of their own medicine. I treat people how they treat me. I don't mind blunt criticism because I both dish it and can take it. If you're civil towards me I'll be good to you back.

But if you're gonna single me out for a whole year, trolling & belittling me every time I mention my boyfriend just because you're a bitter loveless spinster, I'm gonna take all of it and ram it right back up your ass with interest courtesy of my Aries-powered Sag rising, and see how you like it. Comeuppance is the best life teacher.

Granny up there just gets what he deserves.

#do-unto-others

being invited at HES dinner probably like

Posted by hydorah
being invited at HES dinner probably like

@Apparition told ya , no class.

Granny, you got no game so best to stick to sucking Ands' balls. You know, play to your only strength.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by hydorah
being invited at HES dinner probably like

@Apparition told ya , no class.

Granny, you got no game so best to stick to sucking Ands' balls. You know, play to your only strength.

click to expand

Sorry, I'm an Old Testament kinda guy



After spending 33 years on this earth, I've learned that turning the other cheek only gets you slapped again. I prefer to slap back & harder, it's the only way people learn their lesson (also more fun). No substitute for personal life experiences.

I would draw the line at white lie number two

That's just taking the piss

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me twice, shame on me

Shady

👎