Why are females so freaking difficult to be friends with

I've always been introverted so I've always kept around only a few close friends at a time. One of them used to be my best friend since middle school. I've seen her go through all her phases, the ugly, religious, popular, fancy, slutty, etc you name it and have never judged her whilst every other person she's forced herself to befriend has. Through college and after we did drift apart but would catch up like no time passed. I noticed she'd surround herself with so many different groups of friends yet at times like cheering for her at her uni graduation (she changed majors a lot and graduated later than me) vs her inviting her fake friends over to restaurants that she'd entirely pay for, no one showed up to support her except me.

During my wedding last year she was one of my bridesmaids (I had only four so I didn't want a maid of honor but she self declared herself to me mine), it was great, we saw each other more often because of it. It was after my wedding that things suddenly went 180. She became way more distant than before at any point of our 10+ year friendship. I paid for all my bridesmaids' dresses, alterations, jewelry, etc so I know it was nothing related to that. They didn't have to spend a penny. She would invite me and my husband to events but would get upset if I said we couldn't make it to some of them, she would even try to change the time/dates for us. But when I tried to set up hang outs with just us girls like old times, she'd go unresponsive on me as if she's not interested in seeing me alone anymore, as if she'll only bother meeting me if my husband also comes? Like wtf. Her parents and sisters adore me and I adore them too so when I asked how they were, I'd think she'd at least get back to me on that but nope, complete ignore. Idk what else she wants from me but it makes me sad.

This is just one lengthy example, I have others. I don't get why women do this?

I miss having female friends but no one wants to be my friend 😞

Posted by Black-Mamba

aren't you the one who is cool having a racist mom, maybe that's why. You seem really nonchalant and noncaring about others

i notice you're extremely self-entitled and self-absorbed and not even ENGAGING ...i never see you carry conversations on here at all

you're whole presence screams = SeLFISH

What racist mom? I've barely spoken about my mom here? My mom's the sweetest person ever.

My doms are Cap, Aqua, Leo and Sag. So yes I'm very nonchalant but when I do try to carry conversations the other person is usually nonresponsive or ends it so I don't bother after that.

Nearly everyone on dxp is self-absorbed, have you seen your own threads?

I'm introverted too. And all I got is female friends. If given a choice I'd choose my alone time to myself.

I don't really care about wanting friends anyway. I'm happy with my alone time and space. The only best friend there is is yourself.

I know. I'm talking like a true introvert.

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

Posted by Black-Mamba

Is she into your husband or trying to destroy your happiness with your man?

she sounds untrustworthy

My mom's like the only female best friend I have now and she relates this girl to an old friend of hers who's tried ruining my parents marriage by going after my dad and getting him alone. But why would females throw away old friendships over their friend's husband of all people?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

It's so hard to make new female friends in adulthood especially if you work in a private small business setting vs corporate. I'm trying to befriend other married couples through my husband's friends since they're older and married vs my younger unmarried friends but even then some of them seem like they'd prefer to be alone than be friends with other women? Like it'd be me carrying majority of the conversations and I know there's nothing wrong with what I say because their husbands are more responsive to them and engaged in them than the wives. It's like these women want to keep other women distant so they don't also come near their husbands or something? My goal is to befriend YOU but if your husband is being more engaged in the conversation then why not step up and be more responsive too? Women are so fucking infuriating.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

This! Completely.

Men are harder to be "friends" with as there can be an agenda with them

Women friends are precious, i love the ones in my llfe and they don't keep looking at my tits

Lol

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

It's so hard to make new female friends in adulthood especially if you work in a private small business setting vs corporate. I'm trying to befriend other married couples through my husband's friends since they're older and married vs my younger unmarried friends but even then some of them seem like they'd prefer to be alone than be friends with other women? Like it'd be me carrying majority of the conversations and I know there's nothing wrong with what I say because their husbands are more responsive to them and engaged in them than the wives. It's like these women want to keep other women distant so they don't also come near their husbands or something? My goal is to befriend YOU but if your husband is being more engaged in the conversation then why not step up and be more responsive too? Women are so fucking infuriating.

Wow sounds terrible, but I can how this plays out a lot. It's insecurity and fear.

click to expand

Yes and I think it's also because most of them have been married for only 2-3 years on average so I think they're still trying to build security in their own marriage and therefore want to keep other women at a distance until they find their own footing first. But it's still sad how women keep these walls up from people who genuinely want to be their friend. I can sense the isolation they've build around themselves and the loneliness they sometimes feel from it (if you're fucking sitting alone in a sofa while all the other wives are engaging in a group clearly something is wrong with YOU) yet it's like they don't want to make any effort at the same time..

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by MyStarsShine

Men are harder to be "friends" with as there can be an agenda with them

Women friends are precious, i love the ones in my llfe and they don't keep looking at my tits

Lol

I really think it depends on culture, like my mother and her friends, she's got hundreds, no thousands....its a whole community...you never hear about cheating or anything - most everyone gets along - they'll shun your a $ $ if you misbehave

America is the wild west...anything goes

click to expand

I also think it has to do with age. Pretty sure mystarshine's and your mom's friends are well past their 20s. I guess I need to start befriending women in their late 30s+. That age group was actually the easiest to make friends with for me in college. Younger women are just so fucking insecure or after your taken man apparently

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Black-Mamba

aren't you the one who is cool having a racist mom, maybe that's why. You seem really nonchalant and noncaring about others

i notice you're extremely self-entitled and self-absorbed and not even ENGAGING ...i never see you carry conversations on here at all

you're whole presence screams = SeLFISH

What racist mom? I've barely spoken about my mom here? My mom's the sweetest person ever.

My doms are Cap, Aqua, Leo and Sag. So yes I'm very nonchalant but when I do try to carry conversations the other person is usually nonresponsive or ends it so I don't bother after that.

Nearly everyone on dxp is self-absorbed, have you seen your own threads?

click to expand

Nevermind the old fart, noone's paying attention to her in real life so she resorts to hijacking people's threads in order to get noticed.

On topic, I'm sure your "friend" will blame the patriarchy at some stage for making her so competitive. But she's just a thirsty spinster, most likely jealous of you for having found the one. And because you're more grown up than her, made it further in life while she's still single, yes?

It's always out of selfishness, and it happens all the time, with men as well. Some people with an inferiority complex who can't handle the fact that their formerly single friend now has someone else to focus on. It's happened to me too with several people a couple years back. It's like now all of the sudden I'm not even good enough to talk to.

All I got to say in return is



because I got nothing to apologize for. I fell in love and that was it, for the first time in a decade the clouds finally parted for me. Just like they did for you. If those freaks can't be happy for us, then they don't deserve to have us in our lives. Fuck them.

as someone who is hard to be friends with, i can say it's because i don't want to.

i don't want to maintain friendships. yeah sure i can be your bridesmaid and you can even call on me for emergencies but i will not proactively maintain ties with you coz i'm lazy and self-absorbed. when you keep contact with people too long, they start to feel entitled to your personal life. and if you're not my lover, there is no point to that.

and people often disguise their desire to satiate their own curiosity under 'caring' about you whilst encroaching on your personal life.

friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. it has no survival value.

and if i can trivialize these things with people online, why won't i trivialize friendship?

this why i'd rather have guy friends coz i can choose to come and go as i please.

Posted by Antiphates

She has a sapphic crush on you and is not sure if she could maintain self-control if you two would ever happen to be alone in one room.

As for the general thing: no idea. I guess it often a competition and hierarchy thing but that's so boring and predictable that I think there are other factors involved.

That’s funny you say that because in high school she’d joke that some people thought we were lesbians xD Come to think of it... I can imagine her going down the experimental lesbian path... well dang...

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

It's so hard to make new female friends in adulthood especially if you work in a private small business setting vs corporate. I'm trying to befriend other married couples through my husband's friends since they're older and married vs my younger unmarried friends but even then some of them seem like they'd prefer to be alone than be friends with other women? Like it'd be me carrying majority of the conversations and I know there's nothing wrong with what I say because their husbands are more responsive to them and engaged in them than the wives. It's like these women want to keep other women distant so they don't also come near their husbands or something? My goal is to befriend YOU but if your husband is being more engaged in the conversation then why not step up and be more responsive too? Women are so fucking infuriating.

click to expand

It has to be an organic thing, you can’t force it.

But I think just cause you had a meh moment, don’t give up. Couple friends are awesome!

And throw the age thing out the window. Our fav couple is in their late 50s and we have the best time with them.

It’s refreshing to a spend time with them cause they have built a wonderful life together and seem to genuinely still enjoy each other. Total #goals. I’m taking notes.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

It's so hard to make new female friends in adulthood especially if you work in a private small business setting vs corporate. I'm trying to befriend other married couples through my husband's friends since they're older and married vs my younger unmarried friends but even then some of them seem like they'd prefer to be alone than be friends with other women? Like it'd be me carrying majority of the conversations and I know there's nothing wrong with what I say because their husbands are more responsive to them and engaged in them than the wives. It's like these women want to keep other women distant so they don't also come near their husbands or something? My goal is to befriend YOU but if your husband is being more engaged in the conversation then why not step up and be more responsive too? Women are so fucking infuriating.

It has to be an organic thing, you can’t force it.

But I think just cause you had a meh moment, don’t give up. Couple friends are awesome!

And throw the age thing out the window. Our fav couple is in their late 50s and we have the best time with them.

It’s refreshing to a spend time with them cause they have built a wonderful life together and seem to genuinely still enjoy each other. Total #goals. I’m taking notes.

click to expand

Yeah I'm now totally on board with befriending much older couples even though I'm not even 25 yet. I just can't deal with all the drama and insecurities younger couples exude. What kind of things have you taken notes of so far? I love hearing success stories of couples.

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

From my experience and observation it's usually due to:

- Their tendency to over think things.

- Their tendency to view other women as competition.

- Their inability to be direct when something is bothering them so they hold it inside and it eventually turns into resentment that trickles out in passive aggressive ways.

- Their inability to let things go (grudge holding).

I do have female friends, but one thing they all have in common is they're goofy, down-to-earth, and tomboyish, similar to myself.

They're not the typical women you run into.

If the bullets you listed are what consists of a typical woman than I'm far from it too. Is it that difficult for some women to just be simply happy for someone else, especially if that someone is someone they've seen grow along with them from an young age? This is what I mean by women making things so damn complicated for themselves. Everything is so simple if you let it be. Overthinking things, seeing things as competition, and holding onto past things sounds soo exhausting!

Posted by mars_in_cappy

Posted by MyStarsShine

Women friends are precious, i love the ones in my llfe and they don't keep looking at my tits

Lolll 😂😂😂

I usually have good close friendships with women. I can with some guys too, but they have to be the types that don't objectify women, or think they are stupid or minimise their views etc. Good luck finding that, lol..

Sidenote: i've been noticing a few women looking at my pot belly lately, lol, 'cos i've put on weight.

And, women looking at my legs (they're hetero).. What is that about?

click to expand

You got it baby when both genders are eyeing you up 👀 🔥😀

I try to be friends with females, but all they want to do is fuck

*sigh

Posted by sagaciouscorp

Mmm might be fact she no longer has much in common

Today have no interest in attending baby showers, kids parties etc. I’m single my life differs that from a married woman. So no it’s not fun for me to attend these events.

You want her to participate in your life but can you Participate in her interest

No, you are not single any more

I totally get that but it's not like it's her first time dealing with a married woman. Her older sister (by 1 year), got married 6 years ago but then got divorced 2 years ago. We still used to have our girl get togethers and all. She also has more female married friends than non-married. Literally I just got married last year and she's made zero effort in keeping our friendship to even determine if we're still compatible or not. She only tries if only my husband will also come. When it comes to males, she loves surrounding herself with guys who will give her attention. I've actually seen her talk about snatching someone's bf at one point in order to show how she can easily allure men. It's all a game to her. She's been heartbroken too many times by the wrong guys and now does stupid shit to get validation from men. That's why I don't need her to get too buddy buddy with my husband. I guess everything happens for a reason.

Before I got married she swore she wasn't gonna get married anytime soon. Once she heard I was going to get married she was telling me how she's also itching to get married since everyone around her is and I was like wtf to who, your cheating ex? Because she still drags him around as if they're a couple. He's so toxic for her but she doesn't care.

having friends is time consuming

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by LadyNeptune

Not all females are difficult to be friends with. Don’t look at it from that viewpoint.

Im sorry you and your friend are growing apart. But it’s not that uncommon. Especially as you were hs buds and essentially children when you met. People change over the years and grow apart. It’s life. Growing pains and what not.

It may be time to distance yourself and down grade the friendship. Give your time and effort to others.

It's so hard to make new female friends in adulthood especially if you work in a private small business setting vs corporate. I'm trying to befriend other married couples through my husband's friends since they're older and married vs my younger unmarried friends but even then some of them seem like they'd prefer to be alone than be friends with other women? Like it'd be me carrying majority of the conversations and I know there's nothing wrong with what I say because their husbands are more responsive to them and engaged in them than the wives. It's like these women want to keep other women distant so they don't also come near their husbands or something? My goal is to befriend YOU but if your husband is being more engaged in the conversation then why not step up and be more responsive too? Women are so fucking infuriating.

click to expand

I can definitely understand this too.

I thought I was building friendships at my job w other women. We could talk about anything from things that would cause laughter to the more serious topics. Eventually, we'd exchange numbers to have lunch dates, take our children out for fun together etc. When they would see me, they would say how much they miss me or find ways to get my attention. But they'd never, ever call. Never would they make time to grow the friendship. Thus, we'd never hang out or anything. So, because I don't chase people or force people to be in my life, whatever we started would quickly die. I'd let it go. But then, these same women would become upset because I would simply go about my business paying them no mind. It's weird imo. I don't think that people really understand that friendship is give and take. If you find yourself always giving whether it's of your time, your insight etc, then its not balanced. These days I'm very good at walking away from people once I see they have nothing of value to offer me.

On another note, I've always had male friends. Some married. Some single. They treat me well. Like family at times. They've been good listeners, engaging, supportive, giving, friendly etc. But most importantly, CONSISTENT.

I think that women often have their guard up, thinking that other women want to be in competition w them or want their man or is out to get them. I really don't know. But I pride myself on being a good friend to all within my life. We should be here to be blessings to one another. If we can't be, then, what is a friendship built on?