Break up With Cap BF - Will He Come Back?

After pulling through a cancer scare and getting a clean bill of health my Cap bf of 5 months suddenly breaks up with me last night. He said he just feels he's too old and gets too tired for us to be together and that he won't be staying the night.

I was devastated. What kind of BS is this? If I was down to my last 2 pennies, I would give one of them to him. No sacrifice was too big to save our relationship. I had just worked 5 hours cooking a meal for him and getting the house perfect so we could celebrate the good report.

All the talking we did to sort things out, all the times I was trying to be there for him through this cancer scare, all of the trying to make EVERY kind of adjustment for him, support him, encourage and pray for him, go with him to his AA meetings, none of it mattered. He had just told me he loved me the night before!

As he talked I was so numb I couldn't even think. Why is he doing this? I just let him talk and talk about how tired he is all the time from work; I know I had told him over and over I understand how he could be tired, but apparantly he didn't remember all that. He just wants to be negative all the time. No matter how much I'd try to cheer him up he always saw everything in life as hopeless. Any talk of sex turned him off because he said he's been exhausted lately, but I was only trying to cheer him up.

He has broken up with me before because I wouldn't give him his way, but he would always come back. This time I was just too tired to keep trying to bring him back in. I didn't have the strengh to try to convince him to stay anymore. This time I was done.

So I calmly asked him: Are you breaking up with me? He said: I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but I guess yes. I told him: I just don't know what to say then I quietly got up, got an empty box and put everything he ever gave me or left around the house in that box. I unlocked my front door and just said, Bye and I just walked away. I never looked back. He's not cheating on me, He's just giving up on the relationship. I tried to be the most supportive girlfriend he'd ever known but nothing would work.

Is it true Capricorn men don't ever try to reconile?

There are two things I see going on here.

a) capricorn men in a funk, and that depressed, are UN-helpable. I've gotten this straight from the caps a while back, because my father is a cap through and through, and he's been unbearable for years. There is no helping them. They have to hit rock bottom and then find their own way out. So... regardless of what you have done for him, adjustments made... it was all essentially for naught. They may appreciate it, and need it, but it in no way fixes anything in their heads about the situation they are facing.

b) you as a pisces (yes?), can't use your adaptation skills and ability to "be of service" as a barter for love. You either choose to do these things for a person because you are willing and able, or you choose not to. But you can't come back around and say "look at everything I did for you, you must now love me for life" (I'm using extremes here, to illustrate my point - not to be mean or cold hearted). It's that old saying about money and advice. You must only give freely of them if you expect never to see the money back or the advice heeded. Expect nothing from what you give. I'm also not saying you consciously expect ANYthing from what you've given to this man, but really start to question your motives (deeper down, tucked away, be honest, honest, honest with yourself). That's what I'm observing from a very tiny post here.

I'm sorry to hear, regardless, about the breakup - but I do think you're best moving forward at this point.

Hey Deezie,

I'm a Aqua/Pisces cusp 2/19. Somedays I am a Pisces, other days not. LOL

I always said I loved him full out and without regrets or reservation. I wanted him to love me back because we were IN a relationship. If I was bartering I didn't realize/mean it. I was too busy emotionally working myself overtime to notice. I listed the things I've done so that others can see I've done all I can think to do, uncovering every stone to show I was trying to make things better and not worse.

I'll move on the best I can. Everything was beginning to be a struggle and you could see by his actions he didn't love me anymore although he said he did. I just don't know what he was thinking.

Posted by Scorp77
C.G. U did the right thing, leave it like it is, be strong and dont look back.

Because the more you ask, the less you will get. I am sure u have tried that in the past and didn't work. right?

He will start to miss u and you will hear from him. specially for these few days act like you dont care anymore.
Capricorns are going through a very frustrating time and can't find order these last few days but the air should clear up for them by the 24th or 25th. In your situation you really should stay strong and not contact him anymore, so He can realize he didn't do the right thing in letting u go.

Thanks Scorp77. I didn't know about the transition time for Capricorns - good info to know.

Well, he hasn't been the same for a month now; I've just been trying to be there for him. People say when you leave men alone for a while they miss you can come back, but him? I can't imagine him EVER coming back. I'm just glad I didn't sau one word this time to get him to change his mind. I mean I barely looked at him as I was putting his things in a box. I was finally tired to the bone of his BS.

Mine wasn't an accusation or criticism. Just pointing out that it's a possibility.
Fully understandable that - in the moment things are how they are, and you're living it.
That's why I suggest taking a bit of a deeper look at your own motivations for supporting him (past the "I love him" stuff).

Again, I'm not saying you were doing anything in a manipulative way. Sometimes getting past someone that you loved, needs an emotional inventory so to speak.

Also, I would suggest looking at this from a point of view that the man went through a pretty scary life event (regardless of the clean bill of health). His whole life outlook is bound to change. Feelings change along with that (feelings about you, about women in general, about where he's been, where he wanted his life to go, where he wants it to go now - you really have to step into a role that's impossible to predict how even you yourself would react to such a thing - so to try and figure out what someone else is personally experiencing from it will be next to impossible - and talking to him about it is futile too - as it may change moment to moment. He needs time to re-find himself). Life is a constant state of flux (summon your pisces days, and leave the aqua days out of this). All you can do is roll with the punches, right?

Posted by domz
Why do people want to give up so fast these days?

Why? Because our society has morphed into instant gratification mode. Everything else is instant, so why shouldn't relationships be (society en mass thinks), and if it isn't well, just go on to the next thing.

I'm not saying I like it. I hate it, and especially in regards to relationships. But that's a big reason why people are so quick to bail. We've lost what it means to work hard for things, and be tenacious. Value of everything has plummeted because the options are endless.

Posted by deezie
Mine wasn't an accusation or criticism. Just pointing out that it's a possibility.
Fully understandable that - in the moment things are how they are, and you're living it.
That's why I suggest taking a bit of a deeper look at your own motivations for supporting him (past the "I love him" stuff).

Again, I'm not saying you were doing anything in a manipulative way. Sometimes getting past someone that you loved, needs an emotional inventory so to speak.

Also, I would suggest looking at this from a point of view that the man went through a pretty scary life event (regardless of the clean bill of health). His whole life outlook is bound to change. Feelings change along with that (feelings about you, about women in general, about where he's been, where he wanted his life to go, where he wants it to go now - you really have to step into a role that's impossible to predict how even you yourself would react to such a thing - so to try and figure out what someone else is personally experiencing from it will be next to impossible - and talking to him about it is futile too - as it may change moment to moment. He needs time to re-find himself). Life is a constant state of flux (summon your pisces days, and leave the aqua days out of this). All you can do is roll with the punches, right?

Thanks Deezie, I didn't take it as a accusation or critcism at all. I hear what you're saying and it all makes sense. I appreciate your words of wisdom. For now I'll just have to take it one day at a time. Maybe emotionally, I needed this break more than I realized.

(didn't know people went to AA meetings for cancer)

I'm sorry domz, I failed to mention it in my post. He is a recovering alcoholic. He's been sober for 2 years so I used to go with him to his AA meetings.

Oh man, what a sad story... I feel like crying...
I'm sorry this happened to you CutieGirl... Could he be depressed? His hopelessness and tiredness might be symptoms of depression...

Despite the fact that he initiated the breakup, my intuition tells me that, deep down, he still needs you.

I think the health ordeal was too much of a strain for him. And being a Cap, I'm pretty sure he's feeling extremely guilty for burdening you with worry.

Y'see, the thing about Cap men is that whenever they have a serious problem ( eg, cancer), they always think it's THEIR problem ALONE; ie, they should have to deal with it themselves and shouldn't bother others (even their loved ones) with it. A part of them will always be a lone wolf.

I think he just needs a few weeks to sort things out by himself. Cap men are famous for retreating deep into the mountains & the woods and then, weeks later, emerging with a new outlook in life.

I think you should focus on yourself from now on but at the same time, let him know you're still here if he wants you.

Like I said, I sense he still needs you; just not right now. Focus on yourself & on living your own life. In fact, the happier you live from now on, the more of that happiness he wants to become a part of too. Entice & draw him back through your own happiness & love of life 🙂

Cap men can get into a "doom & gloom" mode sometimes ( thanks to their cold, harsh ruler Saturn). This is the reason why Pisces women & Cap men are usually drawn to each other. Pisces see the beauty of life while Caps see the reality of life. I'm pretty sure the ability to see beauty is a irresistible draw for those goat-fish 🙂

So carry on seeing beautiful things & making your own life happy BUT don't cut him off completely. Give him a glimpse of a happy life that can be his for the taking if he chooses to come back to you 🙂

I think he's depressed also and because of this (and his stubborness) it's really hard to see that he'll ever come back. Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be together right now. But all I can do is pray for him like any good friend would.

I've done alot of thinking. I don't want to sound desperate but I thought to send him one last message. Let me know if this sounds OK and if you think I should even send this message.

"Sometimes it's good to just say good-bye. I know you've been under a lot of stress and trememdous fatique lately and just need time alone to sort things out. I hope one day things will not seem so hopeless and you can find happiness again. I have been listening and I understand how hard it's been on you. I will be praying for you. Take Care."

There is no question he is depressed/altered from the man you dated for 5 months. He may never come out of this, and may never return to being the man you knew.

It's nice that you want to be supportive to him, and everything in the text you want to send seems to substantiate your supportive intentions.... except the first part. The first part about saying goodbye, is a bit of a pisces guilt trip/martyr act(in my eyes). There's no need to talk about saying good-bye (as far as I can tell). Just offer up your understanding and support.

If you truly understand the tough time he is currently facing, there is no need to throw anything in his face, per se, about the breakup. He knows it happened. He knows it is hard. Why dredge it up again. (Sorry, again, not attacking you, just struggling to find the right way to express what I mean).

^^^^^^^^^^^^ that's a good insight into how a male would perceive your text.

I can understand as a female why you feel the need to communicate your thoughts to him on this, but Chance is right. There isn't a whole lot left that needs to be said... short of if you are willing/able to offer being a friend to him if he needs anything. But he pretty much already covered what he needs. Some time to himself.

Thanks to both of you.

I will rethink the whole text thing. I just didn't want to leave a depressed person with even more to be depressed about, but my word choice WAS a bit cold now that I read it again.

It's tough because I know I am the one he is closest to, it's not his family and he doesn't have buddies he hangs out with - I was the the one he used to turn to. A part of me feels responsible.

My friend that studies depression said it may be OK to just let him know I am still his friend and if he needs to talk I'm just a phone call away, but that I still have the very attractive option of simply not doing anything. I don't know. In the past I could ALWAYS pull him out and make him talk. I could ALWAYS talk him out of severing the ties between us, but I just don't have the energy anymore. I feel so emotionally drained and I KNOW he does too. sigh - I'll give it some serious thought.

Why not just help him or suggest he finds a therapist/psychologist?

I'm sure he receives some type of cognitive therapy at his AA meetings to help him deal with the substance abuse thing but if he's suffering from depression/clinical depression (may or may be not related to his substance abuse, although I believe you mentioned he's been sober for 2 years so it may not) he should seek professional help...

This is what I decided to text:

"What I wasn't able to say before was that maybe depression and fatigue have affected the way you feel - about everything. Maybe you think some things in life are hopeless, but if nothing else, I am still the friend that truly loves you, is concerned about you, is praying for you and reminds you to always have hope. I know you need time and rest to sort things out. I hope you find the answers to what is best for your happiness going forward. All I can tell you is that if you need me, I'm here. Take Care of Yourself, Me."

WAS THIS OK—?

I think any suggestions are going to fall upon deaf ears. If I know my "capricorn" - there is no true helping them. All the best intentions in the world are going to prove fruitless. It's something they have to figure out on their own.

On another note, you aren't responsible for this grown man. He is. It's understandable with a giving nature, to feel like if you just try hard enough or do the right thing at the right time, all will be fine again - but it's simply not the case. He has to decide what he wants now. Where he wants to go, how he wants to get there. And based on your comment CG - about having been able to talk him out of things previously, it almost seems as though you delayed the inevitable. I think it's definitely good for you to get some space, and some out of sight-ness.

omg.... so you decided to go against what was suggested... ok....
Was it ok? ehhhhhh..... only time will tell. I don't wanna anguish you further, but I wouldn't have recommended that.

Posted by deezie
I think any suggestions are going to fall upon deaf ears. If I know my "capricorn" - there is no true helping them. All the best intentions in the world are going to prove fruitless. It's something they have to figure out on their own.

On another note, you aren't responsible for this grown man. He is. It's understandable with a giving nature, to feel like if you just try hard enough or do the right thing at the right time, all will be fine again - but it's simply not the case. He has to decide what he wants now. Where he wants to go, how he wants to get there. And based on your comment CG - about having been able to talk him out of things previously, it almost seems as though you delayed the inevitable. I think it's definitely good for you to get some space, and some out of sight-ness.

+1 ...So true Miss Deezie

I sent the text because I had spoken to a close friend that counsels people who deal with depression. Trust me, there won't be ANYMORE texts after that one.

You guys, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND. I appreciate your advice GREATLY. I am not taking anything you've said lightly by any stretch! I thank you sooo much for giving me advice. I'm hearing you. I know he needs to figure things out on his own now and that I can't carry him. At this point I am tired too. I need to rest too, but I'm not heartless, I know he's feeling hopeless right now, but I'm STILL his friend.

No worries though, I've got to try to move on now. There won't be ANYTHING else I'll have to say to him unless HE wants to talk

I'm not saying you don't appreciate it! No worries. You have to do what you feel you have to do. I can't argue with that. It's part of how we learn and grow. If you felt you needed to say those things, so be it! I hope you can find peace with having put it out there, and that you can move along now 🙂

yeah, I think I can move on without feeling like there was any anquish towards him in my heart. Disappointment, but not anquish. I don't know if he will ever call, even when he gets around to missing me, but it's ok.

I will grieve like I would for a friend that has passed away and remember the good times. At least while he was alive I did all I could to be a loving friend to the end.

Nothing is more frustrating then a depressed Cap Man. Us Pisces tend to feel that 10x,s as well. But The full Moon will be in Cancer tomorrow which rules our house of true love. If you guys have true love you may hear from him, if you havent heard from him already. ITs and Eclpise along with a full moon, very powerful. Keep yourself busy and positive and things will work out. I too am a Pisces woman with a Cap Man, its a great combination and worth waiting for but hey there is a limit to everything, you have to keep living..

"This is the reason why Pisces women & Cap men are usually drawn to each other. Pisces see the beauty of life while Caps see the reality of life. I'm pretty sure the ability to see beauty is a irresistible draw for those goat-fish"


Exactly!!!!!

Posted by Striking
Nothing is more frustrating then a depressed Cap Man. Us Pisces tend to feel that 10x,s as well. But The full Moon will be in Cancer tomorrow which rules our house of true love. If you guys have true love you may hear from him, if you havent heard from him already. ITs and Eclpise along with a full moon, very powerful. Keep yourself busy and positive and things will work out. I too am a Pisces woman with a Cap Man, its a great combination and worth waiting for but hey there is a limit to everything, you have to keep living..

Thanks Striking.
I have to tell you I never knew Caps could be this way. I had only heard that they were the best partners/husbands ever.

I'm so confused. I can't tell you I even know how I'm gonna decide to feel: Hopeful? Done with him? Angry? Bitter? Sad? Relieved? The break-up is still so new. How could a man that told me he loves me the day before he left, told my mother that he loves me, told me that next to God is his relationship with me do something like that? He just let petty things build up inside more and more resentment and I don't understand why - not when I loved him as hard as I did and tried to show him I was willing to work on our relationship. I keep imagining he's not even missing me at all and that nothing I ever did for our relationship even matteres to him.

Today he took our pictures down off FB. Even though he didn't defriend me that still hurt! I am trying to move on, honestly, but it's very hard, when I am having such a hard time understanding this.

It's hard to see right now that a man like this will have a change of heart and try to rebuild what he tore down. I'm in the trenches fighting to the end, while he just throws up his hands and quits? It makes me so angry!

Posted by 88NPISCES
Awe Cutiegirl, you will be alright.

It is normal for a woman or man to take down the photos when they end a relationship. break up.
But it doesnt mean that he doest or didnt love you. He may still do, but again we dont know how he feels insided or what his true intentions were when he was with you. we humans are very complicated creatures. 😢

All you can do is let go, get some rest, clear your mind, and think positive that there will be better days ahead and I am sure there is a good man out there who is waiting for a wonderful woman like yourself.🙂

Time heals, you just have to give it alittle bit more time and before you know it you will be a very happy woman and maybe with a brand new love. 🙂

Thanks so much - I'm working through it...one day at at time.