WaterDevil
@WaterDevil
8 Years1,000+ PostsCancer
Comments: 55 · Posts: 1309 · Topics: 92
Ugh I've definitely reached a breaking point in my realizations. Could use some encouragement.
Posted by WaterDevilBeautifully said ❤️
So some of you may already know but I'll recap...
Me and Pisces have been "friends" first with SOMETIMES benefits 2nd. Both polyamorous. And both understand we have a "pseudo romantic" relationship with one another.
But as relationships are transparent. I will definitely say I don't feel we are "pseudo" anything. Im in love with her. SINCERELY. And it pains me.
That being said after being mugged and losing my journals with EVERYTHING in them. And than spending 2 days with my pisces. Sleeping over and helping her move. And taking care of her, while she's taking care of me. I realized A LOT
So I wrote the following.. I may say this to her in person next time I see her.. Because it basically explains it all...
"My relationship with you isn't pseudo romantic. I don't think that way anymore. Actually, I'm upset with myself for ever saying that because how I feel for you is sincere as ever. Its romantic. Period. I really love you. I really care about you. And I have felt that way longer than I will admit to myself. You are my friend first before anything. But I am truly in love with my friend."
Posted by Jayc3onThat my train of thought is resonable. I dont want anyone to feel forced or obligated. I just want her to know how I feel without being selfish about it.
What do you need the encouragement for ? You said you know what you have to do so .... Just do it.
Posted by tizianiI just want to love her, without expectation of anything. AND I want a friendship with open communication and respect. Which it feels like we already have. But I think telling her how I feel is imperative as it grows. And will solidify our communication, respect and trust. Even if the love isn't reciprocated. We will go through this eventually. But I think Im ALWAYS gonna be the one who needs to initiate that conversation. She's passive and hates conflict. Im definitely the "alpha" in the dynamic. She sporadically looks to me for things, asking me questions and opinions on misc topics when we are together. Im more "decisive" I suppose. So I don't expect I will ever know even if her feelings have changed as well. That push needs to come to shove. Im not rushing to tell her this today or even the next time I see her. But soon. When Im more confidant with my words. I don't want to mince. I want to be clear.
Man, one day you'll probably get tired of "realizations" in general. You're living up to the classic "broke artist swag" stereotype though. Make a declaration of love without saying what you want, if you want anything from her.
I think the most important thing aside from all that is getting better, healing up and making sure you're right with yourself after the mugging incident. Stuff like that isn't pretty and I hope you have someone to take care of you.
As far as the mugging. No. No one is taking care of me. But Im also extremely prideful. And I don't like to seem weak. So I have denied anyone "aww you okay" gestures. "Im fine. Just pissed is my response". Because for now I honestly don't feel the need to be taken care of. Though the ONLY person I wouldn't deny help from is my pisces. But Im not asking her for help. She knows what happened.
Posted by bittercupcakeI AM a woman. And brought up "pseudo romantic" relationships. I just continued the convo weeks ago saying "yeah. I think that's what we are"
see this is what happens when you complicate things with all these damn labels. just leave it simple.
if you've labeled it something more complex then what it should be then as a woman, we're not going to take you seriously and look elsewhere. so your affections might not be reciprocated .
Posted by MiZLeoWE are both poly. However, we are fwb not in a "comitted poly relationship" which is relative of course. but I guess yeah Ideally THAT is what I want at this point. But more so. I just want to be IN LOVE and WITH HER specifically.
What do you expect from all of this seeing as you're in a poly relationship? Do you want to be exclusive? Do you think she would go for it or is she gun ho on that type of life style ?
Say what you need to say to her. Even if she rejects you then at least you know you did everything you could and move on. Or, maybe she feels the same. Won't know until you try.
Posted by bittercupcakere-read my responsePosted by WaterDevilsure, but she's still a woman...still applies. just say what you have to....Posted by bittercupcakeI AM a woman. And brought up "pseudo romantic" relationships. I just continued the convo weeks ago saying "yeah. I think that's what we are"
see this is what happens when you complicate things with all these damn labels. just leave it simple.
if you've labeled it something more complex then what it should be then as a woman, we're not going to take you seriously and look elsewhere. so your affections might not be reciprocated .click to expand
Posted by tizianiI dont know what kind of help I need. Emotionally I feel fine rn. Just pissed that I don't have my journals anymore.Posted by WaterDevilSounds good. I think that's your best bet.
I don't want to mince. I want to be clear.
As for not asking for help just smh.click to expand
Posted by bittercupcakeyou dont understand. SHE brought up pseudo romance. I just essentially agreed with her that's what we were. i didnt SUGGEST we start one. just an observation of our relationship as it stood at the timePosted by WaterDevilagain.... she's a woman. I get that your a poly relationship.... still complicated and messy. If it's understood that it's a poly romance then she won't invest as much love into you... or possibly just wants the sexual connection with you.Posted by bittercupcakere-read my responsePosted by WaterDevilsure, but she's still a woman...still applies. just say what you have to....Posted by bittercupcakeI AM a woman. And brought up "pseudo romantic" relationships. I just continued the convo weeks ago saying "yeah. I think that's what we are"
see this is what happens when you complicate things with all these damn labels. just leave it simple.
if you've labeled it something more complex then what it should be then as a woman, we're not going to take you seriously and look elsewhere. so your affections might not be reciprocated .
but like I said... do what you have to...
I personally find this all too messy and complicated and wouldn't even get mixed up with someone who loves me after it's understood that it is what it is... and clearly after being told it's a pseudo romance. changing it up on me would upset me......i'd probably end up withdrawing from the person to avoid messy interactions/situations........but to each their own
but like i said.... you do you... and what you have to.click to expand
DO NOT TELL HER THIS!!!
Reel your feelings back in dude.
Posted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.
So you think you can be friends with someone, with the occassional benefits, however that works, in a "pseudo romantic", polyamorous relationship....kind of.
So many definitions just cuz you can't figure out wtf you want
So many definitions just cuz you can't figure out wtf you want
Posted by WaterDevil3 weeks ago you were chillPosted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.click to expand
and the only reason why your relationship is the way that it is now because you "showed more friend than gf"
so what's the pattern?
you're casual then you hook up then you confess your undying love and put pressure on the pisces
then she runs away.....
Posted by SupesIts all relative and in consideration to the partner's feelings through communications. Im poly. But I dont ask my pisces what she does with other people she hooks up with. I don't feel it to be my business. And if she felt it was. I wouldnn't want to know regardless For it would make me jealous. I don't need to know. Im just happy that I make her happy. The way I make her happy. But ONE person fulfilling ALL you needs is just an unrealistic expectation in my opinion
I’ve never understood poly and love. I can’t fathom being in love with someone yet, sleeping with others and then telling your partner everything that happens. It’s beyond my realm of reasoning
Posted by AdreamuponwakingI dont want to put pressure. I just feel I should tell her Im in love EVENTUALLY. Its not fair at this point. We have gotten so close since my last confession. Which wasn't really a confession at all. I have NEVER told her I was in love with her. Im not ready yet. But I need to tell her at some point, don't you think? Ugh maybe you should call me dude.Posted by WaterDevil3 weeks ago you were chillPosted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.
and the only reason why your relationship is the way that it is now because you "showed more friend than gf"
so what's the pattern?
you're casual then you hook up then you confess your undying love and put pressure on the pisces
then she runs away.....
click to expand
Posted by WaterDevilshe knows alreadyPosted by AdreamuponwakingI dont want to put pressure. I just feel I should tell her Im in love EVENTUALLY. Its not fair at this point. We have gotten so close since my last confession. Which wasn't really a confession at all. I have NEVER told her I was in love with her. Im not ready yet. But I need to tell her at some point, don't you think? Ugh maybe you should call me dude.Posted by WaterDevil3 weeks ago you were chillPosted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.
and the only reason why your relationship is the way that it is now because you "showed more friend than gf"
so what's the pattern?
you're casual then you hook up then you confess your undying love and put pressure on the pisces
then she runs away.....
click to expand
but is in denial about it
if you tell her then she will have to confront it and will feel like she can't be as affectionate with you
because she would be leading you on
Posted by enfant_terriblethat's why I am polyamorous. Relationships are transparent and so are feelings. Nothing is ever the same. Shit constantly changes.
So you think you can be friends with someone, with the occassional benefits, however that works, in a "pseudo romantic", polyamorous relationship....kind of.
So many definitions just cuz you can't figure out wtf you want
Posted by AdreamuponwakingSo what. Deal with this forever? Arn't I in a sense now "leading her on"? To believe I DO NOT have these feelings..Posted by WaterDevilshe knows alreadyPosted by AdreamuponwakingI dont want to put pressure. I just feel I should tell her Im in love EVENTUALLY. Its not fair at this point. We have gotten so close since my last confession. Which wasn't really a confession at all. I have NEVER told her I was in love with her. Im not ready yet. But I need to tell her at some point, don't you think? Ugh maybe you should call me dude.Posted by WaterDevil3 weeks ago you were chillPosted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.
and the only reason why your relationship is the way that it is now because you "showed more friend than gf"
so what's the pattern?
you're casual then you hook up then you confess your undying love and put pressure on the pisces
then she runs away.....
but is in denial about it
if you tell her then she will have to confront it and will feel like she can't be as affectionate with you
because she would be leading you onclick to expand
Posted by WaterDevilNo.Posted by AdreamuponwakingSo what. Deal with this forever? Arn't I in a sense now "leading her on"? To believe I DO NOT have these feelings..Posted by WaterDevilshe knows alreadyPosted by AdreamuponwakingI dont want to put pressure. I just feel I should tell her Im in love EVENTUALLY. Its not fair at this point. We have gotten so close since my last confession. Which wasn't really a confession at all. I have NEVER told her I was in love with her. Im not ready yet. But I need to tell her at some point, don't you think? Ugh maybe you should call me dude.Posted by WaterDevil3 weeks ago you were chillPosted by Adreamuponwakingfor what purpose?..
Reel your feelings back in dude.
and the only reason why your relationship is the way that it is now because you "showed more friend than gf"
so what's the pattern?
you're casual then you hook up then you confess your undying love and put pressure on the pisces
then she runs away.....
but is in denial about it
if you tell her then she will have to confront it and will feel like she can't be as affectionate with you
because she would be leading you on
click to expand
You are just not stating the obvious so you two can continue to have fun with each other.
You are keeping things relaxed.
If you feel overwhelmed by your feelings channel it into your work.
write a song or whole album.
Posted by WaterDevilSo one month you are head-over-heels into one person and next you're giving them the cold shoulder of "friendship" bc that month you're way more into that other girl... and so on. It's hard enough to form genuine intimacy and stability with one person so don't come and tell me you found "the light" in polyamory as far as that's concerned.Posted by enfant_terriblethat's why I am polyamorous. Relationships are transparent and so are feelings. Nothing is ever the same. Shit constantly changes.
So you think you can be friends with someone, with the occassional benefits, however that works, in a "pseudo romantic", polyamorous relationship....kind of.
So many definitions just cuz you can't figure out wtf you want
click to expand
I mean I can understand emotional transparance to a certain age, but after that it's like grown the fuq up. You're not 20.
Anywho I'm sure you had this conversation 1 milion times before and don't expect me to understand
Posted by enfant_terribleyeah what you think it is I'm doing isn't really what it is. Me and pisces have always had a "growing" relationship. Its just growing very differently than I thought. Sure there has been some back peddling but everything has been nothing less than sincere. It's complicated. But filled with respect. I dont expect you to understand but if you are truly curious read a book called "the ethical slut". Might help you understand a little better.Posted by WaterDevilSo one month you are head-over-heels into one person and next you're giving them the cold shoulder of "friendship" bc that month you're way more into that other girl... and so on. It's hard enough to form genuine intimacy and stability with one person so don't come and tell me you found "the light" in polyamory as far as that's concerned.Posted by enfant_terriblethat's why I am polyamorous. Relationships are transparent and so are feelings. Nothing is ever the same. Shit constantly changes.
So you think you can be friends with someone, with the occassional benefits, however that works, in a "pseudo romantic", polyamorous relationship....kind of.
So many definitions just cuz you can't figure out wtf you want
I mean I can understand emotional transparance to a certain age, but after that it's like grown the fuq up. You're not 20.
Anywho I'm sure you had this conversation 1 milion times before and don't expect me to understandclick to expand
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Me and Pisces have been "friends" first with SOMETIMES benefits 2nd. Both polyamorous. And both understand we have a "pseudo romantic" relationship with one another.
But as relationships are transparent. I will definitely say I don't feel we are "pseudo" anything. Im in love with her. SINCERELY. And it pains me.
That being said after being mugged and losing my journals with EVERYTHING in them. And than spending 2 days with my pisces. Sleeping over and helping her move. And taking care of her, while she's taking care of me. I realized A LOT
So I wrote the following.. I may say this to her in person next time I see her.. Because it basically explains it all...
"My relationship with you isn't pseudo romantic. I don't think that way anymore. Actually, I'm upset with myself for ever saying that because how I feel for you is sincere as ever. Its romantic. Period. I really love you. I really care about you. And I have felt that way longer than I will admit to myself. You are my friend first before anything. But I am truly in love with my friend."