Cold and Distant people

People say it's Air and Earth signs,

here's what the psychologists say who aren't into astrology:

http://classroom.synonym.com/deal-cold-distant-people-17410.html



Understand the Person

Many cold and distant people are that way because of rejection early in life, says psychologist Leon Seltzer in the "Psychology Today" article "Cold People: What Makes Them That Way? Part Two." For example, a woman who was pushed away by her mother growing up learned to emotionally protect herself, and will likely repeat that learned behavior with other people in her life. So the next time your coworker clams up and refuses to talk about your comment that upset her, realize that her behavior is a learned psychological survival mechanism that once served her best interests. This realization can help you to maintain your calm when dealing with such a person.

Address the Cause

While some people are distant because of their upbringing or general nature, others can display cold behavior in response to a problem. For example, your normally emotionally accessible friend may have become distant after her father died. In this case, you may need to simply give him time to process his feelings, knowing that sooner or later your relationship will return to normal. On the other hand, if you've recently antagonized your boyfriend by attempting to make him jealous, his aloofness may be a direct result of your error, in which case an apology is in order.

Be Yourself

Relax when you're dealing with a distant person, advises The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center. Some people are more demonstrative and outgoing than others, and you don't need to take a distant person's failure to "warm up" to you personally. Look for other ways that the person expresses her enjoyment of your company. For example, perhaps your favorite professor always makes room in her busy schedule to meet with you for coffee, even though she rarely makes the time to get together with most people.

Avoid Being Pushy

With an emotionally cold person, chances are good that the more you push, the more distant he will become. Continually asking such a person to share his feelings, or attempting to make him feel guilty for not doing so, can cause him to back away from you and spend time with people who aren't as demanding. While it's okay to let your aloof boyfriend know that it's important to you that he let you know when he's upset with you, leave it at that and don't turn your request into an unending demand for something he may not be able to offer.



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have you noticed this with the air and earth peeps?

that they've been rejected early in life and then they learned to psychologically defend themselves from the hate. as a way of coping?



edit

actually it's more airy, because of the distant.

but earth because they're also colder than fire and water.

Posted by nanobyte
"With an emotionally cold person, chances are good that the more you push, the more distant he will become. Continually asking such a person to share his feelings, or attempting to make him feel guilty for not doing so, can cause him to back away from you and spend time with people who aren't as demanding."

YEP

And this right here exactly is why, imho, generally

air & water doesn't have too high a success rate, without considering any other placements.

i agree.

Posted by nanobyte

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by nanobyte
"With an emotionally cold person, chances are good that the more you push, the more distant he will become. Continually asking such a person to share his feelings, or attempting to make him feel guilty for not doing so, can cause him to back away from you and spend time with people who aren't as demanding."

YEP

And this right here exactly is why, imho, generally

air & water doesn't have too high a success rate, without considering any other placements.

i agree.

Irl I see trine energies most commonly attracted to one another.

I believe that Air needs Air and Earth needs Earth

click to expand

oh definitely.



that's why i see alot of successful air dominants with air dominants.

and earth /earth is always a success.



if they are with water (the earth) they still need some water.

and same vice versa.

I don't believe that it always has to do with someone's childhood.

I believe people are just different some are cold some are dramatic some are warm its who they are, but psychologists like to link people different natures to negative assumption made up by them. It's funny because they're the people who keep telling the world "you're different, be yourself"

Yeah I've encountered this more with with air signs than earth, but this attachment style can be present with fire and water signs as well.

have you noticed this with the air and earth peeps?

that they've been rejected early in life and then they learned to psychologically defend themselves from the hate. as a way of coping?

Yeah I notice this in myself. I'm a Taurus with an Aqua dominant and I'm pretty cold and distant. Everyone calls me out on it too. I never really had a close relationship with my family, and we were never affectionate, so growing up, I did feel rejected and unloved. My brothers and I all felt like we had to learn how to be independent and take care of ourselves at a young age because our parents would rather go party and be with their friends than take care of us. Now, my defense mechanism is to cut people off when they fuck up. I'm really trying not to do this anymore, but it's hard.

Posted by bumboklatt
Well the moon kinda agrees with the psychology

For example Scorpio moon means difficult nurturing usually from the mother, tough emotional self preservation

Taurus moon, difficulty with the father

Capricorn moon usually spells a tough domineering mother, strives to achieve

Cancer the opposite, a overbearing mother

The energy they transfer to us we carry

Ha. Funny that you mentioned this. One of my brothers has a Taurus moon, the other has a Scorpio moon and I have a Cancer moon, and what you described is so accurate.

Posted by tiziani
Water is too cold for Air. Air is warm yet, by itself, just lacks the physicality to bring Water up to the surface. That's when you will get Water being distant, when they are stuck inside of their own world. And the most torturous part is that Air has all the imagination to make Water's worst fears look very real inside of that world. Which can be hilarious if you know how to laugh at yourself but, at other times, it is just plain badly timed and out of touch.

indeed

i sometimes laugh when i see the comments about the supposedly cold, detached aqua moon. it actually saves the pisces and 12 house neptune from being completely disengaged

Posted by tiziani

Posted by bumboklatt
Well the moon kinda agrees with the psychology

For example Scorpio moon means difficult nurturing usually from the mother, tough emotional self preservation

Taurus moon, difficulty with the father

Capricorn moon usually spells a tough domineering mother, strives to achieve

Cancer the opposite, a overbearing mother

The energy they transfer to us we carry

Have you noticed how, in astrology, both parental planets (Moon and Saturn) are cold in nature? Basically the world is grim and our parents never loved us. If they did, they would have never let us leave the womb lol

click to expand

i would agree with you but my mother who is cappy moon is scorpio dominant, and she is very loving and nurturing. but yes she can be tough but she is also very much what a capricorn energy should STRIVE to be.....strong moral and ethics and strong INTEGRITY.

Posted by iCloud9

Posted by tiziani
Water is too cold for Air. Air is warm yet, by itself, just lacks the physicality to bring Water up to the surface. That's when you will get Water being distant, when they are stuck inside of their own world. And the most torturous part is that Air has all the imagination to make Water's worst fears look very real inside of that world. Which can be hilarious if you know how to laugh at yourself but, at other times, it is just plain badly timed and out of touch.

indeed

i sometimes laugh when i see the comments about the supposedly cold, detached aqua moon. it actually saves the pisces and 12 house neptune from being completely disengaged

click to expand

very very smart.



you're right.



since i gotten into astrology i've seen articles say that air is disconnected.

that is wrong on many levels because "connectedness" is AIR waves....

and water is disconnected. we are connected by communication. and it is what makes us understand eachother.

without that, we wouldnt be able to reach beyond the other side to communicate.



water is more closeness, so they disconnect from the "other" (libra trait which is airy)

and i see tihs alot with water dominant peeps in real life, they are not close to outsiders or even extended family but they are closest with their family and close knit friends (this is me and my hubby and also with alot of people who are water dominant in our life)

they are just not "connected" with other people because they are ONLY concern with themselves and their own lives. we dont want to bother with the rest of the world, only in our little cute nurturing bubble.

we just wouldn't have the energy otherwise, for our own family and loved ones. this is reserved for them (i hope you all understand that's just how it is)

just something to notice.

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

have you noticed this with the air and earth peeps?

that they've been rejected early in life and then they learned to psychologically defend themselves from the hate. as a way of coping?

Yeah I notice this in myself. I'm a Taurus with an Aqua dominant and I'm pretty cold and distant. Everyone calls me out on it too. I never really had a close relationship with my family, and we were never affectionate, so growing up, I did feel rejected and unloved. My brothers and I all felt like we had to learn how to be independent and take care of ourselves at a young age because our parents would rather go party and be with their friends than take care of us. Now, my defense mechanism is to cut people off when they fuck up. I'm really trying not to do this anymore, but it's hard.

click to expand

im sorry to hear that, i hope you can find it in yourself to accept the things you can't change and that you learn from your upbringing but it doesn't have to make you keep holding on that it's their fault.

no one is perfect, and neither are you. That's what in my opinion you should remind yourself of...

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

have you noticed this with the air and earth peeps?

that they've been rejected early in life and then they learned to psychologically defend themselves from the hate. as a way of coping?

Yeah I notice this in myself. I'm a Taurus with an Aqua dominant and I'm pretty cold and distant. Everyone calls me out on it too. I never really had a close relationship with my family, and we were never affectionate, so growing up, I did feel rejected and unloved. My brothers and I all felt like we had to learn how to be independent and take care of ourselves at a young age because our parents would rather go party and be with their friends than take care of us. Now, my defense mechanism is to cut people off when they fuck up. I'm really trying not to do this anymore, but it's hard.

im sorry to hear that, i hope you can find it in yourself to accept the things you can't change and that you learn from your upbringing but it doesn't have to make you keep holding on that it's their fault.

no one is perfect, and neither are you. That's what in my opinion you should remind yourself of...

click to expand

Thank you. Like I said, I'm trying to better myself and stop using my defense mechanism because it's not fair to other people. I was really bitter about my childhood and parents for years, but I'm trying to let it go and get past it.

Posted by nanobyte
" the more you push, the more distant he will become. Continually asking such a person to share his feelings, or attempting to make him feel guilty for not doing so, can cause him to back away from you and spend time with people who aren't as demanding."

That's exactly what I will do. I hate been pushed or asked to share. I will just run the other way.

I agree to a certain extent. I have a Virgo mother who did her best to give me the best love a mother could as well as the best life a mother could give. I have a father who's a cold hearted Leo who is old testament with discipline and everything else in life. He rarely shows affection, he'd rather show it by showering you with materialistic items.

I grew up being both hot & cold. Only warm with people I care about and trust. With everyone else, I will be either cold or just cordial as I like to call it. I'm only distant when you give me a reason to. Once my walls have been brought down, then my vulnerable side will show and it's all good from there, just don't fuck me over because I would never do that to you. A friendship, relationship & etc is like an investment. Know what you're getting yourself into for I don't allow everyone into my life for a temporary amount of time.

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by thecrazyariestaurus

have you noticed this with the air and earth peeps?

that they've been rejected early in life and then they learned to psychologically defend themselves from the hate. as a way of coping?

Yeah I notice this in myself. I'm a Taurus with an Aqua dominant and I'm pretty cold and distant. Everyone calls me out on it too. I never really had a close relationship with my family, and we were never affectionate, so growing up, I did feel rejected and unloved. My brothers and I all felt like we had to learn how to be independent and take care of ourselves at a young age because our parents would rather go party and be with their friends than take care of us. Now, my defense mechanism is to cut people off when they fuck up. I'm really trying not to do this anymore, but it's hard.

im sorry to hear that, i hope you can find it in yourself to accept the things you can't change and that you learn from your upbringing but it doesn't have to make you keep holding on that it's their fault.

no one is perfect, and neither are you. That's what in my opinion you should remind yourself of...

Thank you. Like I said, I'm trying to better myself and stop using my defense mechanism because it's not fair to other people. I was really bitter about my childhood and parents for years, but I'm trying to let it go and get past it.

click to expand

i hope you're able to get over it, and if it's too difficult, it's not too shameful to go to some therapy sessions and help for this kind of thing. good luck.

Posted by Impulsv
So what's the solution. All my relationship with men have the dynamic of them being emotionally cold n not affectionate

So I feel my needs are not met

N I know it's defense mechanism from neglectful childhood

But even with this knowing it is difficult to be with them because my needs aren't met

these men need to find courage in themselves, and that being turned down, and having failure is OK.

what i have googled and found out, is that those who have trouble being affectionate, need to take up meditation therapy or something like that ....

sometimes, it is also taking up religion that encourages love and affection in family. but it still is the choice of the individual, and they have to be very comfortable with that kind of love.

these people have never learned how to love, so i honestly dont know how they can learn from many years of not knowing how to love.

'

i guess you lead by example.

but sometimes, it is difficult. Those men are too difficult to get through. It takes even a courageous woman to even deal with them and thaw their hearts.

edit - and maybe they will never know how.

maybe just take comfort that SOME men are only capable of being loyal and being there for you without any affection. :/ it sounds cold though but i have no idea other than that.